My laziest contest ever

A McDonald’s is to open in the Louvre, or, as it’s known to American tourists, “Can We Just Look at the Mona Lisa and Get Outta Here?” According to an unnamed art historian, “This is the pinnacle of exhausting consumerism, deficient gastronomy and very unpleasant odours in the context of a museum.”

(A personal note: when I first visited Paris, there were no McDonald’s. The company had just closed all their restaurants in the city because they weren’t up to the McDonald’s corporate standards. Imagine that.)

LAZY CONTEST: In fact, a contest contest. Come up with your own contest about the Louvre McDonald’s – more snooty quotes from art historians? something about freedom fries? Pulp Fiction riffs? – then submit an entry.

Logic

Dear lord, but Michael Steele is a blithering idiot. Which I knew, and you knew, but this one has just been irritating me for days for some reason. Denying Obama’s claim that requiring health insurance is just like requiring car insurance, which should be easy because health insurance is actually not just like car insurance, Steele said, “I think that analogy kind of falls off the radar screen because of the frequency with which I get sick versus the frequency with which I drive a car. I am more likely to need car insurance because I get in my car 7, 8, 20 times a day, where I’m surely not getting sick 8, 10, 20 times a day.” Apples and oranges. If you only “need” health insurance when you’re sick, as opposed to when you have the potential to become sick, then you only need car insurance when you crash, which you’re not doing 7, 8, 20 times a day (unless you’re Lindsay Lohan).

It’s awful, those little teeth

Jacques Chirac has had to get rid of his “depressed” dog Sumo after it bit him for the third time. But here’s the sentence which the BBC reporter most enjoyed writing: “In January this year, Mr Chirac had to be hospitalised after the dog sank his teeth into an unnamed body part.”

Another detail about French presidential canines: Sarkozy, known to be hilariously sensitive about his height, used to own a chihuahua named Big.

(Update: further research – Jesus Christ I’m bored – reveals that the unnamed body part was his butt.)

Burning justice

Texas Gov. Rick “Good Hair” Perry attempts to cover up evidence of the innocence of a man executed for a crime that never happened. Or, as they call this sort of thing in Texas, Thursday.

It’s like I slapped my own family in the face

The government has finished its prosecution of a third Marine for an incident in which four unarmed, surrendered Iraqi prisoners were murdered in Fallujah in 2004. After two others were acquitted, Sgt Jermaine Nelson, who had confessed six different times to executing one of the prisoners, was convicted – of dereliction of duty, in a plea agreement in which the government dropped the murder charge. He will be reduced in rank to lance corporal, serve no time and not be dishonorably discharged. His lawyer said he got such a good deal because he was so cooperative with investigators, although he had refused to give evidence against his sergeant last year (the gov did not go after any of the three for contempt of court in their pact not to testify against each other). (My posts on that trial here and here.)

Said Nelson, “I gave in to the peer pressure and now I have to live with it for the rest of my life... I let down the Marine Corps, which is my family. It’s like I slapped my own family in the face.” Adding, “Oh, and it’s also like I shot that one Iraqi guy in the face.” I may have made up that last part.

He went on, “If the Marine Corps will allow me to stay in, I’d love to stay in.”

(Sources: BBC, AP, North County Times, ditto, San Diego Union-Tribune.)

Guns for cons

It’s now legal to bring guns into bars in Arizona. Project for some day when I’m bored: join NRA, attend meeting of same, propose ending the unfair infringement of the 2nd Amendment rights of prisoners, see how much support I get.

Veiled

From a NYT story that asks the burning question, “Is Iran Designing Warheads?” (I’m picturing arches and majestic domes): “The Israelis, who have delivered veiled threats of a military strike...” Yes, veiled, just the word I was looking for. Because there is nothing more subtle than the Israeli threats to bomb the shit out of Iran.

Propaganda kills

an Afghan girl. The Times: “This is believed to be the first time that a civilian has been killed by a box of public information leaflets.”

A courtesy

The Honduran coup regime’s foreign minister threatens to de-embassize (that’s a word, right?) Brazil’s embassy if it doesn’t hand President Zelaya over or remove him from Honduras within ten days, but “As a courtesy, we are not planning to invade the place.” Because no one – no one! – can accuse Honduras’s coupsters of lacking courtesy.

Don’t you hate it when an anecdote just trails off?

Obama, yesterday: “I was up at the G20 -- just a little aside -- I was up at the G20, and some of you saw those big flags and all the world leaders come in and Michelle and I are shaking hands with them. One of the leaders -- I won’t mention who it was -- he comes up to me. We take the picture, we go behind. He says, ‘Barack, explain to me this health care debate.’ He says, ‘We don’t understand it. You’re trying to make sure everybody has health care and they’re putting a Hitler mustache on you -- I don’t -- that doesn’t make sense to me. Explain that to me.’ He didn’t understand.”

Er, so how did you explain it to him?

I got nuthin’

Baltimore public schools institute Meatless Mondays, replacing the traditional Mystery Meat Mondays.

So, does Dexter, serial-killer trying to blend in with a society whose mores he does not feel, = Don Draper? Discuss.

For extra credit, where does Roman Polanski fit in to this thesis?

Ahmadinejad and the nuclear enrichment plant of doom

Obama on the evidence of Iran’s secret nuclear facility: “This was the work product of three intelligence agencies, not just one.” Well, if it’s three whole intelligence agencies, then it must be true. (I think he means the CIA, MI6 and French intelligence). “They checked over this work in a painstaking fashion.” Seems to me I’ve heard this sort of thing before.


The most unlikely part of this story? That the US supposedly for years possessed intel that would have advanced Dick Cheney’s agenda, but failed to leak it.

Senators Bayh, Kyl and Lieberman issued a statement accusing Iran of a “consistent pattern of deceit, concealment and bad faith,” because if there are three things Joe Lieberman hates, they’re deceit, concealment and bad faith. “Until Iran proves otherwise, we must assume the worst about its nuclear intentions and activities -- and act accordingly.” Can’t let the smoking gun come in the form of a mushroom cloud.

Obama’s UN speech & the Middle East

Israeli Foreign Minister Lieberman praises Obama for saying in his UN speech that Israel is a Jewish state. As always with American foreign policy, Obama treats the Palestinians who live inside Israel proper as the forgotten people, the equivalent of an embarrassing fart, best ignored.

Obama also again called on the Palestinian gov to “end incitement against Israel” without naming the newspapers he wanted suppressed and individuals he wanted cracked down on. If you’re calling for a country to repress free speech, you should at least be specific about which speech you want repressed.

Sarah Palin and the land bridge to Asia

Oh, which speech to blog about today, Obama at the UN or Sarah Palin in Hong Kong? What to do, what to do.

From Sarah Palin’s speech in Hong Kong (no link, since the Wall Street Journal took down the excerpts from the closed-door event they’d posted earlier):

OF COURSE SHE’D HAVE TO FIND... SOMETHING ELSE... TO HUNT FROM PLANES: “We got a chance yesterday to see some of the magnificent city of Hong Kong, and while the wildlife to human ratio here, it differs from that of Alaska, uh, I do think I could get used to this.”

AND VICE VERSA: “And we have a special place in our hearts in Alaska for the Pacific Rim.”

WHAT AN AWFUL THING TO SAY ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER: “We have the world’s most abundant salmon spawning grounds right there in Bristol Bay.”

WHAT SARAH HAS ALWAYS BEEN REALLY INTERESTED IN: “Personally, I’ve always been really interested in the ideas, too, about the land bridge.”

YES, ALASKA AND HONG KONG ARE JUST EXACTLY THE SAME: “We have much in common with Hong Kong. We’re both young and transient, independent and libertarian.”

WHAT YOU CAN CALL HER: “You can call me a common sense conservative.”

HAVE YOU CHECKED BEHIND THE SOFA CUSHIONS? “what happened to that Reagan legacy, the Reaganism that worked what happened to that?”

IT WAS THE JEWS, WASN’T IT? “While we might be in the wilderness, conservatives need to defend the free market system and explain what really caused last year’s collapse.”

HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE: “Ronald Reagan, he was faced with an even worse recession and he showed us how to get out of here. If you want real job growth, you cut taxes!”

BECAUSE ALL YOUR WORDS EXCEPT FOR THOSE TWO WERE SO RATIONAL: “I seem to have acquired notoriety in national debate. And all because of two words: death panels.”

WHOLE? “we should seek, as we did in Europe, an Asia whole and free.”

Some common ground

Honduran President Zelaya has returned to Honduras – well, the Brazilian embassy in Honduras. Very possibly still wearing his pajamas, we just can’t tell.


Hillary Clinton helpfully advises that it is “imperative that the return of President Zelaya does not lead to any conflict or violence”. She did not proffer any suggestions as to how the elected president might restore himself to power without “conflict” but did suggest “instead that everyone act in a peaceful way to try to find some common ground.” Some common ground between, you know, Zelaya being president and Zelaya not being president.

What, not even the giant puppets?

Ahead of the G-20 summit in Pittsburgh, Obama gave an interview to the editors of the Toledo Blade and the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. His message to protesters: give up. Capitalism will always defeat mere democracy:

I was always a big believer in - when I was doing organizing before I went to law school - that focusing on concrete, local, immediate issues that have an impact on people’s lives is what really makes a difference and that having protests about abstractions [such] as global capitalism or something, generally, is not really going to make much of a difference.

So go bother your city council, and stop pestering Obama with your silly “abstractions.” Don’t bother your little heads about national and international policy. No we can’t! No we can’t! No we can’t!

He did add, “I think that’s part of what makes America wonderful is people have a lot of different opinions”. A lot of impotent, impotent opinions. So stay home and just shout your different opinions at the teevee. That’s what makes America wonderful.

Czars

The wingers have gotten very upset about the number of unaccountable “czars” Obama has advising him. After all, George Bush always submitted the voices in his head for Senate confirmation.

Obama doesn’t want witch hunts taking place

I am not paid enough to read all 5 transcripts of Obama’s tv appearances today, much less watch them (Lindsey Graham made a little joke about him appearing everywhere except the Food Network – because if there’s anything Lindsey Graham hates, it’s a media whore). So let’s look at just one, Face the Nation.

On insurance companies: “We don’t mind them making profits, we just want them to be accountable to their customers.” Whatever that means.

Asked if insurance companies won’t just pass the proposed taxes on them on to their customers (but in an accountable way): “Here’s the problem, they’re passing on those costs to the consumer anyway.” They’re passing on costs that don’t exist yet?

SO STOP SENDING HIM THOSE EMAILS ABOUT INCREASED SIZE, HE JUST ISN’T INTERESTED: “I have no interest in increasing the size of government.”

On the Justice Dept investigation of the CIA’s interrogation practices (or, as he put it, “problems that occurred under the previous administration”): “I don’t want witch hunts taking place.” Although dunking them in ponds to see if they’re witches would be nicely ironic.

Really, with no doubt at all that the CIA tortured prisoners, the phrase you choose to describe investigating and prosecuting those practices is “witch hunt.”

Talking about the cancelled missile defense program, Mister Diplomacy referred twice to “the Iranian threat” and twice said that Russia was “paranoid” about the program.

Taking fashion tips from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids

I rather like how the last sentence in this London Times story: “Mullah Omar, the Taliban leader, yesterday reminded western forces they had lost in Afghanistan before. ‘We fought against the British invaders for 80 years from 1839 to 1919 and ultimately got independence by defeating Britain,’ he said in a statement on a Taliban website. Omar is believed to be in hiding in Pakistan.” Neatly puts the one-eyed wonder in proper perspective.

The thing about getting a dead-trees newspaper is that your eye falls on things you would never ever click on. For example, without the NYT styles section this week, I would not be up on the latest fashions.

David Petraeus would totally do Afghanistan

David Petraeus has an op-ed piece in the London Times entitled “Afghanistan is Hard All the Time, But It’s Doable.” Cue porn music.

He introduced himself to his London audience (the article was adapted from a speech) thus: “The region under my command consists of 20 countries, from Egypt in the west to Pakistan in the east, and from Kazakhstan in the north to Yemen and the waters off Somalia to the south.” He thinks 20 countries are “under my command.” No imperial hubris here.

(Except for suggesting that John Donne’s Meditation XVII was about counter-insurgency, which is something I’m pretty sure I didn’t realize in the 9th grade, Petraeus says exactly what you think he would say about Afghanistan, so you needn’t bother clicking through.)

Precedents in assholery

Monday, the Obama admin filed a brief in District Court arguing that prisoners at Bagram Airfield have no habeas corpus rights because it is located an active war zone, glossing over the fact that some of the prisoners were only in an active war zone because they were kidnapped from other countries and brought there. Reminds me of the 2,264 ethnic Japanese the US seized from Peru and other Latin American countries during World War II and transported to the internment camps in the US. When the US began paying reparations to interned Japanese-Americans in 1990 it excluded these internees because they had been... wait for it... illegal immigrants.

Condoms to the rescue. Again.

Slate asks the question, “Can Condoms Combat Climate Change?”

CONTEST: Complete this response: “Yes, but only if...”

Under the order of Islam’s enemies

Why we fight, redux: The upper house of the Afghan parliament votes to condemn Karzai’s amnesty of Pervez Kambaksh, the student convicted of blasphemy for downloading material about women’s rights from the internet, complaining that he did so “under the order of Islam’s enemies,” by which they mean Western nations (there is no evidence one way or another that Obama actually did press for this). Oh, let’s do keep troops in Afghanistan forever, just to keep these people who think we’re Islam’s enemies in power.

The Republicans in the California state senate, having failed to kill a program that provides help to poor people in filling out their tax returns, a program which the makers of the software program TurboTax have contributed millions to campaign funds in an attempt to eliminate, retaliated by blocking 20 bills, including funding to keep domestic abuse shelters open. The funds had passed the lower house unanimously, but needed 2/3 in the senate. Other bills that fell victim to the hissy fit would have prevented the firings of cops and firefighters and distributed money to prepare for swine flu – not even California money but federal dollars, which the state will now lose. The legislative session has now expired.

Stupid Hollywood Movie Idea of the Day: Battleship: The Motion Picture. As in “You sunk my battleship.”

All the news that’s fit not to print

In a 2,579-word front-page article asking the question how many Israeli settlers would resist being removed from the West Bank, the NYT fails to mention the many subsidies that settlers receive from the state.

And on the NYT’s op-ed pages, Reagan’s assistant secretary of state for Africa Chester Crocker talks about how Obama needs to get “engagement diplomacy” exactly right, without quite mentioning that his and Reagan’s policy of “constructive engagement” was in support of the apartheid regime in South Africa.

Maybe it’ll make more sense in Farsi

The tv show “Lost” has gotten approval from the Iranian authorities to be sold in DVD form and possibly broadcast, dubbed into Farsi. Naturally, there will be some censorship because, as the Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance put it, “that Kate is just too damned hot.” (The former head of the ministry had denounced the show for its “Zionist concepts,” by the way.) There is also talk of doing an Iranian version.

CONTEST: So, what sort of changes would have to be made to Lost to make it more acceptable to the mullahs? Also – what Zionist concepts could they be talking about? Locke as Moses?

It doesn’t even say ‘Mr. president of the republic’ or anything

The US finally revokes the visa of the head of Honduras’s coup government. Micheletti amiably says that that’s within the US’s rights, complaining only that the letter to him used his previous title. “It doesn’t even say ‘Mr. president of the republic’ or anything.” Because you aren’t. Which is kinda the point.

Dear Leader Blog: “At this point, Congress is basically a Civil War reenactment without the costumes”.

Sly Headline of the Day

NYT: “Ikea Tries to Build Public Case Against Russian Corruption.” And we all know how hard building an Ikea case (or table) can be.

Why we fight

Afghan journalism student Pervez Kambaksh, convicted of “insulting Islam” for downloading material about women’s rights from the Web, sentenced to death in a four-minute trial in which no defense was allowed to be heard, which was then reduced to 20 years, has been released and exiled after a mere two years in prison. Evidently this happened a couple of weeks ago, secretly. He is now in an unspecified European country, which has granted him asylum.

Freedom, ain’t it grand.

Obama health care speech to Congress: Instead of honest debate, we have seen scare tactics

Transcript.

“I am not the first President to take up this cause, but I am determined to be the last.” Wow, he’s gonna solve this forever. Or screw it up so badly that no one will ever dare it touch it again. You know, whichever.


And now for the horror stories: “Another woman from Texas was about to get a double mastectomy when her insurance company canceled her policy because she forgot to declare a case of acne. By the time she had her insurance reinstated, her breast cancer more than doubled in size.” But what about the acne? Oh, and did she, you know, die? Obama really does not know how to tell a story.

“our health care problem is our deficit problem.”

“There are those on the left who believe that the only way to fix the system is through a single-payer system like Canada’s, where we would severely restrict the private insurance market and have the government provide coverage for everyone. On the right, there are those who argue that we should end the employer-based system and leave individuals to buy health insurance on their own.” And there are some who dismiss others’ views as “left” or “right” positions driven by ideology.


“But either one would represent a radical shift that would disrupt the health care most people currently have. ... I believe it makes more sense to build on what works and fix what doesn’t.” Is going to single-payer really that “radical” a shift? We’re not talking about demolishing all the existing hospitals and building new ones or importing all new doctors from Cuba, just changing how health care is paid for.

Note: at this point I’ve stopped the DVR. If he’s just gonna read the prepared remarks off the teleprompter, I don’t need to hear him to it. (Although I evidently missed Rep. Joe Wilson shout “You lie.”)(That’s what YouTube is for.)

“Instead of honest debate, we have seen scare tactics. ... Well the time for bickering is over. The time for games has passed. Now is the season for action.” Right here, I can see how the Republican tactics have paid off. By his own words, Obama admits that we never had an honest debate: we had the scare tactics, bickering and games, and now he wants us to go straight to action. Can we really skip that step? Doesn’t it feels like representative democracy has failed, even knowing that it’s been sabotaged by one party’s unwillingness to participate? Or does Democrats fighting each other make up for it?


Oh good, he has three basic goals: More security and stability for those with insurance. Provide insurance to those without it. Slow the growth in costs (I guess costs will continue to increase forever, just more slowly).

No more caps, recisions, rejection for pre-existing conditions, a limit on out-of-pocket expenses. Er, aren’t those the ways insurance companies make huge profits?

So instead of single payer, or a public option, we get... an “exchange.” Plus mandatory insurance in a for-profit system.

“95% of all small businesses, because of their size and narrow profit margin, would be exempt from these requirements.” I hereby predict the next Republican meme: this will just discourage small businesses from growing.

“Insurance executives don’t do this [cherry-picking the healthy and dropping the sick] because they are bad people. They do it because it’s profitable.” Really? Let’s take a vote.

poll by twiigs.com

He does mention a public option, but “it would only be an option for those who don’t have insurance.” He insists that at most 5% of Americans would wind up on it, and he “reminds” “my progressive friends” that the public option is only a “means to [the] end” of ending insurance company abuses and keeping insurance affordable. And of course he’s willing to drop it. Co-ops, triggers, it’s all good to him. “But I will not back down on the basic principle that if Americans can’t find affordable coverage, we will provide you with a choice.” So he won’t back down on a basic principle so vague that you can’t definitively state when he has actually backed down on it.

“Demonstration projects” for malpractice tort reform, whatever that means. I doubt we’ll ever hear another word about this.

What is this woman laughing about?

“I will not waste time with those who have made the calculation that it’s better politics to kill this plan than improve it. ... If you misrepresent what’s in the plan, we will call you out.” That should scare them into submission.

RHOMBOID? “We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it.”

He quoted a letter Ted Kennedy wrote him. Kennedy said, “What we face is above all a moral issue; at stake are not just the details of policy, but fundamental principles of social justice and the character of our country.” Obama should have made this point himself, if indeed he believes it, but at least it got said.

Obama cures scrofula.

Who says we never learn our lesson?

Secretary of War Robert Gates repeats the Republican claim, beloved of John McCain as well, that “As soon as the Soviets left Afghanistan, we turned our backs on Afghanistan”, without saying precisely what the US was supposed to have done. Invaded in 1996? At any rate, “I believe we’ve learned our lesson,” which is not surprisingly to never ever stop occupying Afghanistan. For the right-wing, lessons learned from history always –always – involve starting yet more wars and occupying yet more countries, and not, for example, never get involved in a land war in Asia, or even, never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

(By the way, when I reference The Princess Bride, it’s the book, not the movie.) (Not that I have anything against the movie. On the contrary.)

Obama indoctrinates innocent school children in his hippy communist fascist hand-washing ways

Obama: “Maybe you could be a good writer - maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper - but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class.”

School children: “What are these ‘books’ and ‘newspapers’ of which you speak?”

Sorry, that didn’t sound much like the youth of today, did it? Let me try again: “What are these ‘books’ and ‘newspapers’ of which you speak, dawg?”

Obama: “If you don’t do that - if you quit on school - you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.”

School children: “Wow, I was totally gonna drop out until you told me I’d be quitting on my country.”

Obama: “But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher”.

School children: “‘Bad attitude?’ ‘Talking back’? What are you? Eighty? This is how you encourage students?”

Obama: “I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot”.

School children: “Whatever, Howard Hughes.”

Complaints like this are rare

American troops in Afghanistan raided a hospital run by a Swedish aid agency (in violation of international law), tied up staff and visitors, turfed patients out of their beds, generally broke the place up, and failed to find whoever they were looking for. Said a military spokesmodel, “Complaints like this are rare.” Well that’s okay then.

Oh, they told the doctors to inform them if any Taliban showed up as patients. The doctors said no.

The Germans are defending their decision to bomb the hijacked oil tankers, killing dozens of Afghan civilians, the defense minister saying that it was the correct decision because the tankers might have been used to blow up German bases. Unlike the Americans, who have been claiming they had no idea there were civilians in the area, the Germans are saying that they would have dropped the bombs regardless. Good to know.

When diminutive French president Nicolas Sarkozy visited a factory, workers were lined up to greet him. But only workers shorter than his 5'5".

While you think about that I shall remove my clothes

Well, I got nuthin’. Fortunately, there are always personal ads from the London Review of Books (the complete WIIIAI collection of LRB personals is here.)

Not very friendly woman seeks not very friendly man. Box no. 13.01

Without my grandfather’s contribution to agricultural reforms in 1912, this nation would currently have to import its turnips. While you think about that I shall remove my clothes. Man. 55. Box no. 16/02

I have a dream. And that dream is to try on every pair of shoes in the world. That’s where you come in: brusque, butch fem cobbler to 55 with expansive collection of animal skins and a strap-on. Man, 76. Box no. 16/03

I cast a magic spell on you. And now you are reading this advert in a literary magazine that exists only in your mind. Soon you will fall in love with me. When we meet, the odour will not concern you. Mr Mesmer: amateur hypnotist, professional shrimp-farmer (M, 51). Also available for weddings and birthdays. Box no. 16/05

The sweet smell of apples in the orchard carried on the warm, gentle breeze. A hushed moan, the curtains swish softly. Slowly my breasts come into focus. The goat bleats. The shackles tighten. And then the chanting starts again. Scary woman, 52, looking for a very specific type of ‘perfect Sunday’. Box no. 16/08

I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly. What does that mean? If the readings on my ambulatory blood pressure monitor are correct – and I think they are – it means I’m currently not allowed solids but I am allowed cuddles. Tactile man and lecturer in cultural studies, 52, patiently waiting for the hearing to return in his right ear. So much love to go around at Box no. 16/13

This advert is exactly what happens when you ignore the label’s warning and actually do ingest the Listerine. Idiot man, 38. Box no. 16/17

Heh heh, they said reBUTTal

Obama will address schools Tuesday, indoctrinating innocent, impressionable children in the socialist values of working hard and staying in school. The Republicans have demanded to be allowed a rebuttal. CONTEST: who should give the rebuttal, and what will they say?

Boffo

Name of the Day: the editor of the Catholic newspaper L’Avvenire, who has had to resign after being exposed by a Berlusconi-owned newspaper as having been fined as a “sex pest,” in retaliation for the paper’s reporting on Berlusconi’s own sexual misdeeds: Dino Boffo.

After Berlusconi went after the editor, by the way, he had to cancel his appearance at that plenary indulgence mass, which means, if I understand these things correctly, that he will be going to hell after all.

Status

Chuck Grassley should die because he cannot afford health care, and John Boehner should go broke because he gets sick. If you agree, join us in posting this as your status for the rest of the day.

Frente amplio

The Uruguayan ruling party has been handing out condoms with its name, Frente Amplio (Broad Front) on them. There’s probably a joke in there somewhere. Since they were paid for with government rather than party funds, the opposition is demanding that the condoms be taken back. Ewwwwwwww.

Indy headline: “Thousands Sign Turing Petition.” There’s probably an obscure joke in there somewhere.

He makes the bullshit run on time

Saw the cover of Glenn Beck’s forthcoming book on some blog this morning, had to check on Amazon.com that it wasn’t photoshopped. It wasn’t.


But did it work better in the original Italian?

Good behaviour

Muntadar al-Zeidi, the man who threw the shoes at George Bush, will be released next month from prison after serving only 9 months, due to “good behaviour.” Throwing the shoes in the first place was, of course, awesome behaviour.

Chris Wallace’s unenhanced interrogation of Dick Cheney

Headline of the Day (London Sunday Times): “Blowpipes Thwart Borneo’s Biofuel Kings.”

Speaking of things that shoot poison darts, the transcript of Dick Cheney’s interview on Fox, mentioned in a previous post, is now out.

He complained about the Justice Dept’s new investigation of CIA torture of prisoners. This has been, he said, “completely reviewed by the Justice Department in years past,” but is now being reviewed by “a political appointee” – it’s unclear whether he means the attorney general or the prosecutor, but either way he’s comparing the “political appointees” in Obama’s Justice Dept with the likes of Gonzales and Yoo, who were... wait for it... “professionals.” “The matter’s been dealt with the way you would expect it to be dealt with by professionals.” Actually, a cover-up is pretty much how most of us have come to expect professionals to deal with something embarrassing and nasty.

AND IF THERE’S ONE THING CHENEY HATES, IT’S TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PRECEDENTS: Cheney says that the investigation is “a terrible, terrible precedent.” He worries that, “if they are now going to be subject to being investigated and prosecuted by the next administration, nobody’s going to sign up for those kinds of missions.” Where will we get the torturers of the future?

NO OTHER RATIONALE: The investigation is “clearly a political move. I mean, there’s no other rationale for why they’re doing this”. In Cheney’s world, everyone is just as Machiavellian as he is.

WHAT OFFENDS THE HELL OUT OF HIM: “I guess the other thing that offends the hell out of me, frankly, Chris, is we had a track record now of eight years of defending the nation against any further mass casualty attacks from Al Qaeda. The approach of the Obama administration should be to come to those people who were involved in that policy and say, how did you do it? What were the keys to keeping this country safe over that period of time?”

On prisoners being threatened with an electric drill: “It was never used on the individual”. So that’s okay then.

He gave an example of how this investigation is destroying the CIA’s ability to keep us from a fiery nuclear holocaust: “ Just today, for example, the courts in Pakistan have ruled that A. Q. Khan, the father of the Pakistan nuclear weapon man who provided assistance to the Iranians, the North Koreans, the Libyans, has now been released from custody.” Technically, house arrest. “It is very, very important we find out and know long term what he is up to. He is, so far, the worst proliferator of nuclear technology in recent history. Now we have got agents and people out at the agency who ought to be on that case and worried about it, but they are going to have to spend time hiring lawyers at their own expense in order to defend themselves against the possibility of charges.” Really, the guy with the drill was going to be investigating A. Q. Khan?

He says he’s perfectly happy being back in private life: “Over the years, you know, I’ve sacrificed a lot in order to be able to do those things I’ve done in the public sector.” Goats, chickens, babies...

Good policy, properly carried out

In an interview with Fox to be aired Sunday, Cheney says that he’s okay with CIA interrogators having used torture techniques beyond those authorized by the Justice Dept, calling them “good policy... properly carried out. It worked very, very well.” Don’t know if Chris Wallace asked him specifically if the creative use of power tools and threats to rape detainees’ mothers were good policy, properly carried out (I’m gonna guess not), but he did get Cheney to say that he was aware of the use of waterboarding, though “not specifically in any one particular case, but as a general policy that we had approved.”

But here’s my favorite example of Cheney being Cheney: he said Obama should have personally stepped in to quash Attorney General Holder’s decision to hold any inquiry at all: “The president of the United States is the chief law enforcement officer in the land. I think he’s trying to duck the responsibility for what’s going on here. And I think it’s wrong.” So Cheney wants no investigation of the torture he was responsible for, but it’s Obama who’s ducking his responsibility. And it’s Obama’s job as chief law enforcement officer to ensure that the law is not enforced.

(h/t to Smintheus)

Sorted

Today Silvio Berlusconi will take part in a religious ceremony to absolve his sins, the Perdonanza. So that takes care of that.

He will be accompanied by his equal opportunities minister Mara Carfagna.


That’s right: Silvio Berlusconi, going to a ceremony to receive a plenary indulgence, brought a date.

Poignant

Headline of the Day (Misread-Because-I-Need-a-Nap category): “Sen. Kennedy’s Body Begins Final Poignant Tour.” Poignant, it says, not pungent. Poignant.

Smell like the future

The British press notes that in Babaji in Helmand province, where four British soldiers were killed during operations designed to provide security for the Afghan elections, just 150 voted.

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For the geek who has everything except, obviously, a girlfriend: Star Trek colognes.
Comes in Tiberius, Red Shirt (“Smell like the future, because tomorrow may never come”), and Pon Farr fragrances. CONTEST: Name some other possible Trek-themed colognes.

It is not hard for us to do the same things they did

Iraqi PM Maliki demands that Syria hand over people he blames for the recent spate of bombings (it couldn’t be Iraqis, they’re such a peaceful people), adding “Neighboring countries should behave like good neighbors because it is not hard for us to do the same things they did.” Er, did he just threaten to sponsor terrorist attacks on Syria if his demands are not met?

Gordon Brown says he was “repulsed” by the celebratory reception of convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi in Libya, adding, “But then I’m a Scot; I’m repulsed by the sight of anyone enjoying themselves.”

Is Dominick Dunne the Aldous Huxley of our time?

Wherein polite euphemisms piss off your intrepid blogger

McNeil-Lehrer yesterday: “Another detainee was told his mother and family would be sexually abused in front of him.”

Raped. Not “sexually abused,” Ray Suarez, raped. Say it.

I heard an inference

Scottish Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill is complaining that Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi, the Lockerbie bomber he ordered released, has shown “no sensitivity” in attending those celebrations of his return to Libya. It’s shocking, airplane bombers being renowned for their sensitivity.

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The WaPo reports that Arlen Specter has called on the VA to stop using the “death book,” waits until 10th paragraph to note that Specter admits not having bothered to read the death book. However, “I heard an inference that people might be inappropriately influenced to withhold medical treatment.” Wherever there’s an inference beatin’ up a guy, Arlen’ll be there.

Sight-seeing

London Times headline: “Berlusconi Defies His Critics to Visit Gadaffi for Independence Day.”

Gadaffi has an all-female bodyguard.

‘Nuf said.

Beware the Death Book... of Death!

Sarah Palin’s ghost-Facebooker posted a link to a Wall Street Journal article by Bush’s Faith Czar, Jim Towey, about the VA’s “death book,” which evidently guilt-trips veterans into opting for euthanasia, or something. Fox also did something about that today, so you’ll be hearing death book death book death book for a few days. Here are some comments on Palin’s post:

Vm Batcha
Sure don't trust this Mr. Obama... he is surely not looking out for true Americans... I really think he has a hiding agenda....

Tony Bell
yea,the government is trying to kill me too,,but i won't go alone

Nancy Treadwell
Many people with concerns such as these are continuing to attend town hall meetings, only to be criticized by the press, Barney Frank, and other politicians.Since most of us are products of government run public schools, when we are called stupid, that points to another poorly executed, well meaning operation that failed to deliver.

Kelly Esperanza
The Muslim Terrorist doesn't give a crap about our military. They should have the best health care before anyone else. They give up everything for our country. Obama shows them no respect. He is a loser and needs to get out of my country! Wake up America before it's to late. Send my name to the White House...I would give anything to take him ... Read Moreon one-on-one. He knows nothing. Can't even salute right! Go bacl to where ever you came from! You are a liar and I belive you may be the Anti-Christ! Put a uniform on and go serve next to the people who work for you!

Elaine Greene
I think they are just like Hitler, they better quit playing "GOD" or they will end up like John Lennon did, who thought he was better than GOD"

Bernadette Auffhammer
this sickens me , obama must leave our vets alone let obama and his militant wife go to the front lines and fight for our country

John Herron
This is truly an eye opening article about the "Hidden Agenda" of Obama and the Liberal Nazi's that want to take our country and freedoms away!

Michael G. Casieri Senior
I'm 67 years old. This scares the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paulene Shedd
I HAVE WONDERED IF OBAMA WENT TO HIS GRANDMOTHERS SIDE AND READ HER THAT BOOK, RIGHT BEFORE SHE GOT ASSISTED WITH THE END OF HER LIFE.
SOME PEOPLE BETTER BE ON OUR KNEES.

Christy Bell
God forbid!! This is unconscionable. Can anyone doubt the Socialists are against human life itself?

Bob Corcoran
if washington had its way we would all die to save money.

Mark Krawczuk
sarah palin IS HOT !!!

You know what would be nice? If he sent a nice card. That would be thoughtful. Maybe with a picture of a sad-eyed puppy.

Lt. William Calley this week said that he’s sorry for the My Lai massacre. So that’s all right then. Oddly enough, he made this apology to the Kiwanis Club of Greater Columbus, Ohio Georgia, although I’m reasonably sure that he didn’t actually lead a massacre at the Kiwanis Club of Greater Columbus, unless it didn’t make the papers; I mean shouldn’t he have been apologizing to the Kiwanis Club of Greater My Lai instead?

Killer sea slugs would be a great name for a rock band

New Zealand held a non-binding referendum on whether it was ok for parents to hit their children (“good parental correction” and “a smack” is how it was termed in the referendum). 87% or so voted in favor of child-beating, which NZ outlawed two years ago, the first country to do so.

In other New Zealanderish news today, “Killer Sea Slugs Empty NZ Beaches.” Coincidence? You be the judge.

Why didn’t we think of this when I was in college?

WaPo headline: “U.S Officials Say Colleges Should Suspend Classes if Swine Flu Spreads.” The Centers for Disease Control are “urging schools to suspend any rules -- such as penalties for late papers or missed classes, or a required doctor’s note -- that might prompt ill people to venture out.” I foresee wacky hijinks.

“Health officials said students can do their part by washing their hands and covering coughs and also by wiping down keyboards, doorknobs, remote-control devices and other oft-touched items.” I’m not touching that straight line until it’s been thoroughly wiped down.

Is there are any tragedy that insurance companies and the US can’t find a way to make worse?

LAT: “Armenian Americans descended from victims of the 1915-18 massacre by Ottoman Turks can’t sue foreign insurance companies for unpaid claims because the U.S. government doesn’t legally recognize that an Armenian genocide occurred, a federal appeals court ruled Thursday.” German insurance companies, just to add that touch of irony that was required.

Bush’s HHS sec wanted to pull the plug on granny

Something I’d forgotten: in May 2005, Health & Human Services Sec. Mike Leavitt suggested that Medicare costs could be reduced by encouraging seniors to prepare advance directives. Where Sarah Palin and Chuck Grassley falsely claimed that the current provision was about reducing costs by killing granny, Leavitt’s proposal actually was, explicitly, but somehow I don’t remember anyone screaming “Death panels! Death panels! Death panels!” at him.

Poll: America’s Second Smuggest Person

Smug: irritatingly pleased with oneself; self-righteously complacent.

As the nominations show, the US is not short of the smug. And we haven’t really plumbed the smug depths of the literati, the art world, organized religion or academia. Or medicine, now that I come to think of it: there was a doctor I saw once, when my regular doctor was out of town, who achieved a Buckleyesque level of smug.

The specific quality we are judging here is smugness, not general assholery. Read all the entries, which are alphabetical, before voting. Remember, whoever wins this vote will take over as the Smuggest American of All should George Bush die or develop self-awareness.

War of necessity in an inessential country

If “co-ops” were a viable model for the provision of health care, we’d already have them.

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Obama’s speech to the VFW yesterday was more interesting for what it didn’t say than what it did say. It did contain some rather strong language (does he believe a word of it?) about Afghanistan being a “war of necessity” which is “fundamental to the defense of our people”.

But he didn’t say a whole lot about the Afghan people – who he seems to think of at best as a problem to be solved; he’s not really interested in the Afghan people qua people. Nothing about Afghan women. Only a single mention of the elections (“our troops are helping to secure polling places for this week’s election so that Afghans can choose the future that they want”), and none of Karzai, who is masterfully putting together a coalition of warlords and rapists alike (and if that isn’t a majority, I don’t know what is).

“Actually” innocent

The Supreme Court sent the capital murder conviction of Troy Anthony Davis back to federal court to hear his claim of having been innocent (he was convicted solely on the testimony of witnesses most of whom have since recanted). Naturally, Fat Tony Scalia (joined by Thomas), objects, in a dissent which scoffs at the very idea that “capital convictions... are always subject to being set aside by federal courts for the reason of ‘actual innocence’”. “This Court has never held that the Constitution forbids the execution of a convicted defendant who has had a full and fair trial but is later able to convince a habeas court that he is ‘actually’ innocent.”

That may be the douchiest use of quotation marks ever.

P.S. I have added Scalia to the list of nominees for Second Smuggest American.

Quotas

Under a policy just changed, ICE agents had quotas for the number of illegal immigrants they were supposed to catch. 1,000 per year per team (the LAT fails to say how many agents on a team). Oh yeah, no way that could lead to abuses.

Also, why did we not know of this policy before?

Mad Men question

Was “my air conditioner is broken” code?

But is it kosher?

From Ha’aretz: “The Israel Atomic Energy Commission said in a statement that the Dimona facility ‘has the safety and health of its workers as its highest priority.’” And the uranium it made plant workers... wait for it... drink wasn’t really that much.

Why we fight

Breaking his previous promises, Karzai has quietly slipped into law that bill letting Shiite men starve their wives if they don’t put out, legalizing child marriage and rape if blood money is paid, requiring wives to get their husbands’ permission to work, etc etc (details still unclear because it’s a secret law; I have no idea how a secret law works).

In addition many women won’t be voting Thursday because polling places are segregated by sex and the government failed to recruit enough female officials to run the ones for women, so there won’t be many of them open (also, men are being allowed to vote, illegally, on behalf of their female relatives).

Freedom, ain’t it grand.

Who is the Second Smuggest American of all?

The Independent (UK) is running a poll, Who is Britain’s smuggest person? (Tony Blair, obvs)

I’m going to make a wild guess that if I ran any such poll here, George Bush would win. In fact, I’m going to take it as read and hereby request nominations for the title of America’s Second Smuggest Person, with the voting to take place in a week or so. To get you started: Cheney, Palin, Rumsfeld, Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, John Boehner, Giuliani, Gingrich, Joe Lieberman, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Pat Robertson, Bill O’Reilly, Keith Olbermann, Markos Moulitsas, Ed Begley, Jr., Glenn Beck.

Rules: Multiple entries are fine. Living Americans only. You may nominate yourself. You may not nominate me. Void where prohibited.

(Update: the nominations are now closed. The poll is here.)

Not the essential element

Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius told CNN today that a public option is not “the essential element” of Obama’s health insurance plan. Indeed: there are no elements Obama considers essential enough not to compromise away.

She said that Obama will be satisfied if there is “choice and competition,” and on CBS Robert Gibbs used the same, no doubt focus-grouped, phrase, designed to mean pretty much nothing.

On the front end

Come back, British imperialists, all is forgiven.

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Barack Obama, in a NYT op-ed piece: “There’s no reason that we shouldn’t be catching diseases like breast cancer and prostate cancer on the front end.”

Another fine mess

Another Saturday, another Jerusalem parking lot protest. Here, a border cop carries away ultra-Orthodox Laurel while ultra-Orthodox Hardy strolls by.

Who will save grandpa from the Death Panels of Doom?

It’s always “Obama lies, grandma dies,” never “Obama lies, grandpa dies.” Do deathers not care about their grandfathers?

The tree of crazy must be refreshed from time to time by the Kool-Aid of birthers and deathers

As much as I admired Rick Perlstein’s Nixonland and his book on Goldwater, his Sunday WaPo article on how “the crazy tree blooms in every moment of liberal ascendancy” makes me hope his next book will be on that very subject, taking a longer chronological view than the earlier books. 1917 to present?

You were expecting Sally Field, maybe?

Monday, a group of rabbis and Kabbalahists flew over Israel – in a plane, in a plane – praying, blowing horns, and complaining that they ordered the kosher meal, in order to stop the spread of swine flu.


I’d have mentioned this earlier, had I but known that there was YouTube footage.

I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before

The Senate Finance Committee has stripped the death panels (aka, advance-care consultations) from the health insurance bill. Without death panels, no American will ever have to die. Yay!

Name of the Day

Former Florida Supreme Court Justice Wade Hopping, who has gone to that big death panel in the sky. Wade hopping sounds like a really lame Olympic event.

(I’ve been eagerly trying to fit the phrase “gone to that big death panel in the sky” in somewhere for two or three days now.)

Death panels redux (run, Trig, run!)

Whoever is ghost-writing Sarah Palin’s Facebook page (paid by whom, one wonders?) defends Palin’s “death panels” post. She is claiming that in the original post she was referring to the advance care consultations, rather than to some mythical group of bureaucrats which would decide if Trig was “worthy of health care.” Today: “These consultations are authorized whenever a Medicare recipient’s health changes significantly or when they enter a nursing home, and they are part of a bill whose stated purpose is ‘to reduce the growth in health care spending.’ Is it any wonder that senior citizens might view such consultations as attempts to convince them to help reduce health care costs by accepting minimal end-of-life care?”

Obama lies, grandma dies

Go to Blue Hampshire for pictures of protesters and their signs – oh dear lord their signs – at Obama’s Portsmouth town hall meeting yesterday. So many favorites: Stop the Trojan horse of Islam; Obama lies, grandma dies; Obama bring back Arrested Development; Stop, you’re starting to scare George Orwell [this sign addressed to teabaggers, I think].

Yet another appalling contest

David Mamet is going to write and direct a new film of the life of Anne Frank. CONTEST: provide sample dialogue.

“Nazi cocksuckers...”

“A.B.H. Always be hiding.”

“I want to go on fucking living even after I’m fucking dead.”

“First prize is the defeat of the Nazis and the liberation of Amsterdam. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize...”

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really fucked at heart.”

Harder than I thought. Consider it a challenge.