Does Queen Sarah of the Morlocks know about this?

One of the soldiers arrested for the sport-killing of Afghan civilians: Cpl. Jeremy Morlock of Wasilla, Alaska.

Today -100: September 18, 1910: Of floggings, nations of madmen, and typical politics in Texas and Illinois

The NYT editorializes against public floggings (a deputy marshal recently refused to permit the flogging in Alaska of 4 Japanese convicted of illegal fishing). Flogging is still used in Delaware against tramps, confidence men, thieves, highwaymen and disorderly persons. I guess that was before Delaware became the hq of all those credit card companies.

Famous British psychiatrist Forbes Winslow (who once offered to catch Jack the Ripper but Scotland Yard said no thanks) says in his memoirs that insanity is rising and “By a simple arithmetical calculation can be shown the exact year when there will be more insane persons in the world than sane. We in England are gradually approaching, with the decadence of our youth, a near proximity to a nation of madmen.” Did no one think to ask him what the “exact year when there will be more insane persons in the world than sane” was? That seems like important information to have.

Judicial temperament, Texas style: one candidate for the office of judge of Guadalupe County shoots a rival candidate.

The Illinois primaries were marked by a great deal of vote-buying (quel surprise), but it seems that while selling one’s vote is illegal in the state, bribing a voter is not.

Today -100: September 17, 1910: Of slanderers, cholera, borders, and suspicious persons

The NYT welcomes the nomination of Woodrow Wilson, seeing it as another sign of the reformism that is originating at the state level. States are “proving their independence and self-sustaining powers. And they are shaming the slanderer [that would be Teddy Roosevelt] who has walked up and down this land proclaiming their weakness and his all-sufficient powers to rescue them from perdition.”

The cholera epidemic in Russia has caused 83,613 deaths so far.

The US is building a 1,000-mile barbed wire fence along the border with Mexico. The NYT says there should be one along the Canadian border as well, to prevent all the smuggling generated by Taft’s tariffs.

F.P. Greve and wife Elsie, German nationals who live in NYC, were arrested as “suspicious persons” in Pittsburg because she was wearing men’s clothing (I think that just means trousers) and smoking while strolling down 5th Avenue. They were later released (after threatening to call the German ambassador) and issued a letter saying that they were all right and that she was wearing the clothes only to keep up with her husband’s walking speed.

Caption contest

The pope is visiting the UK, which he says is under the control of “atheist extremism” and “aggressive forms of secularism”, just like the Nazis, and he met the Queen of the Godless. And the Duke of Edinburgh, who probably exchanged wog jokes with him.

So what did they say?



The pope told the British press that pedophilia, which he did so much to cover up, is an illness which robs people of their free will. So that’s all right then. He said that his priority is to help the victims (not the priests, victims though they are of this horrible free-will-robbing illness) recover and “rediscover too their faith in the message of Christ.” Don’t know why he thinks they lost it; they weren’t the ones raping children, they were the children being raped.

Today -100: September 16, 1910: Of free candidates, drop-outs, and patronage

Woodrow Wilson, accepting the Democratic nomination for governor of New Jersey (offered by a party convention; no primaries in NJ), emphasizes that “I did not seek this nomination. It has come to me absolutely unsolicited” and that he has made no pledges or promises and is a “free candidate.”

Pres. Taft’s daughter Helen drops out of Bryn Mawr. No reason is given, but I can reveal that the reason is that her mother (also named Helen) had a stroke; I don’t believe the public knew of this. In a couple of years she’ll go back to Bryn Mawr to finish her BA, earn a doctorate in history at Yale, return to Bryn Mawr as a professor, eventually becoming head of the history department and dean.

The NYT claims that Taft has told friends, “I am not thinking of 1912; in fact, I don’t know that I care for a renomination. From the way things are drifting it may be that no Republican can be elected, save possibly one.” No points for guessing who that might be.

A letter is going around, supposedly written by Taft’s secretary, saying that while in the past Taft withheld patronage (post office and customs jobs, that sort of thing) from Republican insurgents in Congress in an attempt to coerce their votes for his legislative aims, the success of the insurgents in primaries and conventions has led him to reverse himself and he will in future grant patronage to all Republican congresscritters of whatever faction.

Today -100: September 15, 1910: Of zeppelins and Jesuits

The Zeppelin VI. explodes on the ground in Germany after 34 passenger trips. Injuries among the ground crew but no fatalities. Still, oh the humanity, eh? It was capable of reaching speeds up to 38 mph. I’ve lost track of how many dirigible accidents have been reported this year, but it’s a lot.

Portugal expels Jesuits (I’m unclear on whether this is all Jesuits in the country, or just one monastery.)

Mrs. Alice Stebbins Wells,
a former settlement worker, gets a new job: first policewoman in L.A. (and near as anyone can tell, the US). “I suppose my chief concern will be with young girls venturing into unsafe places,” Officer Wells said. She had a male officer as a “chaperon” and no gun.

Rogue virginity testers

Opening Sentence of a News Article of the Day: “Any event featuring Jacob Zuma, virginity tests and more than 25,000 bare-breasted maidens dancing for a polygamous king is unlikely to pass entirely without incident.”

Goodwill Zwelithini, the aforementioned polygamous king of the Zulus, “condemned ‘rogue’ virginity testers” and complained about pictures of the virginity-test-a-palooza showing up on the internet: “I was shocked when I received these pictures on my website. I have no doubt these pictures are going to be used to attack this solemn culture of ours. This is a very important tradition and culture and needs to be conducted with dignity and respect without abusing and violating the dignity and privacy of the maidens.” Because nothing says dignity and privacy like mass public inspection of genitalia.

Strategery

The Republicans want a chance to vote to make the Bush tax cuts permanent for all Americans, not just the non-rich. I say give it to them. Two bills. First up, a bill extending the tax cut for those earning over $250,000, then one for the rest. Everyone’s happy. If the R’s want to vote against the 2nd bill after the 1st one fails, let ‘em.

Today -100: September 14, 1910: Of mindless partisanship, primaries, and ears in bottles

The NYT is not happy at all with the divided state of the Republican Party and blames Teddy Roosevelt, who “has detached a great part of the Republicans from their old faith and their old leaders, he has filled their minds and hearts with a romantic, unreasoning, unquestioning faith in himself and in what he preaches.” The Times harkens back nostalgically to the good ol’ days of unreasoning, unquestioning party loyalty.

In the New York primaries, women suffragists acting as poll-observers in NYC were arrested, were promptly released by magistrates, and returned to their posts.

The story refers to a “Democratic polling place.” Evidently the parties voted separately. Quite possibly the primaries were organized by the parties, not the state.

Headline of the Day -100: “Ear in a Bottle as a Death Threat.” Labor conflicts were so much more... colorful... back then.

Thus scotching rumors on Fox that he was rooting for the Mooslim team

The White House website reports on a phone call:

The President called Prime Minister Erdogan of Turkey just as the 2010 FIBA World Basketball Championship final game between the United States and Turkey was getting underway in Istanbul. The President congratulated the Prime Minister on the fact that Turkey has hosted an outstanding tournament. The President said he is rooting for the American team but that whoever wins both teams have played great basketball. The President also acknowledged the vibrancy of Turkey’s democracy as reflected in the turnout for the referendum that took place across Turkey today.

What a stimulating conversationalist (well, monologist, since Erdogan doesn’t seem to have gotten in a word edgewise) Obama is.

Today -100: September 13, 1910: Of Arkansas and Maine

Arizona may not after all be going Republican out of sheer gratitude for being given statehood, as Taft had assumed would happen. Dems win a majority of delegates (at least 36 out of 52) to the Constitutional Convention, pledging to include powers of initiative and referendum and recall, direct primaries and popular election of US senators.

For some reason Maine had its elections yesterday rather than in November. Democrats also sweep the Maine elections (governor, both houses of the Legislature, congresscritters), which is widely thought to be one of the signs of the apocalypse. Some of this is the result of the Rooseveltian revolt against the Republican Old Guard, some of it a reaction to the state government’s imposition of prohibition on localities that didn’t want it. The new governor-elect, Frederick Plaisted, is the son of Harris Plaisted, the last Democratic governor (1881-3). The new Legislature will elect the state’s first Dem senator since 1863 – and New England’s first since the late 1870s.

Terrorists really need a better retirement plan

An Israeli tank fired into Gaza, killing three “terrorists,” one of them 91 years old.

Today -100: September 12, 1910: Of alchemy

Headline of the Day -100: “Home of Alchemist Seized by Sheriff.”

Nicaraguan “president” Estrada suggests postponing presidential elections for a year.

Today -100: September 11, 1910: Of quitting, communion, and natural gas

Tennessee Governor Malcolm Patterson, in political trouble since pardoning the murderer of a former US senator (and 151 other murderers as well), decides not to run for re-election, with a large section of his Democratic Party threatening to go for a Republican – any Republican – rather than continue to be embarrassed by him. His announcement comes rather close to the general election.

In its fight with France’s public schools, the Vatican has decreed that first communion for French children will take place at age 7, i.e., before the school system has time to do its secularizing work. French Catholics are resisting doing it that early.

Conversationalist of the Day -100: NYT headline: “C.P. Taft in London. Declines to Talk about Anything but Natural Gas.” The president’s half-brother.

Obama press conference: That means that people are frustrated and that means people are angry

I made the mistake of setting the DVR to record this on a local channel, where it’s all Holy-shit-San-Bruno-Is-On-Fire all the time. And by the way, fuck PG&E.

Transcript.

DIGGING AND GROWING. WHY DOES EVERY PRESIDENT TALKING ABOUT THE ECONOMY SOUND LIKE CHANCE THE GARDENER? “I just want to talk a little bit about our continuing efforts to dig ourselves out of this recession and to grow our economy.”

SEE, IT’S A SIX-YEAR PLAN BECAUSE IF IT WERE A FIVE-YEAR PLAN WE’D ALL KNOW HE WAS FLAT OUT BEING A COMMUNIST AGAIN: “We also announced a six-year plan to rebuild America’s roads and railways and runways.”

PLENTY OF ISSUES, YES; PLENTY OF PEOPLE OF GOOD FAITH, NOT SO MUCH: “I realize there are plenty of issues in Washington where people of good faith simply disagree on principle.”


WHAT HE UNDERSTANDS: “I understand there’s an election coming up. But the American people didn’t send us here to think about our jobs.” We sent them there to think about Ground Zero Mosques, right?

NAME OF THE DAY: His new chair of the Council of Economic Advisers: Austan Goolsbee. Hi-larious.

“If the election is about the policies that are going to move us forward versus the policies that will get us back into a mess, then I think the Democrats will do very well.” He thinks there could be an election that’s about policies? That’s so adorable!

A DIFFERENT ECONOMIC PHILOSOPHY? IT’S SOCIALISM, ISN’T IT? “And I ran because I felt that we had to have a different economic philosophy in order to grow that middle class and grow our economy over the long term.”

ALSO DOPEY, GRUMPY, SLEEPY... “Now, for all the progress we’ve made, we’re not there yet. And that means that people are frustrated and that means people are angry.”


THAT’S NOT A TUNE, THAT’S A WHOLE FUCKING SYMPHONY: “what I’ve got is the Republicans holding middle-class tax relief hostage because they’re insisting we’ve got to give tax relief to millionaires and billionaires to the tune of about $100,000 per millionaire”.

“And if the Republican leadership is prepared to get serious about doing something for families that are hurting out there, I would love to talk to them.” He thinks the Republican leadership could be prepared to get serious about doing something for families that are hurting out there? Just SO fucking adorable!

NO, THE QUESTION IS, WHY NOT? “Why hold the middle class hostage in order to do something that most economists don’t think makes sense?”

WHAT REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS USUALLY AGREE ON: “usually, Republicans and Democrats agree on infrastructure.”

Asked why he won’t just name Elizabeth Warren to the consumer protection agency, he decided to keep her hanging a while longer and also to undercut her publicly with, well I’d say faint praise but there isn’t any actual praise in here at all: “She’s a dear friend of mine. She’s somebody I’ve known since I was in law school. And I have been in conversations with her. She is a tremendous advocate for this idea.”

WHAT ONE OF THE THINGS HE MOST ADMIRED ABOUT BUSH WAS: “One of the things that I most admired about President Bush was after 9/11, him being crystal-clear about the fact that we were not at war with Islam.” And crystal-clear about the US not torturing people. And crystal-clear about there being WMDs in Iraq. Bush was “crystal-clear” about a lot of shit, is what I’m saying. A lot of shit.

HE’S THE REMINDERER: “And I will do everything that I can as long as I am President of the United States to remind the American people that we are one nation under God, and we may call that God different names but we remain one nation.” Also, fuck you, atheists.


ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T MEAN YOUR SECRET MUSLIM FAITH? “And as somebody who relies heavily on my Christian faith in my job, I understand the passions that religious faith can raise.” So subtle about slipping in the reference to being Christian. So subtle.

WHAT HE DOESN’T WANT ANYBODY OUT THERE THINKING: “And I don’t want anybody out there thinking that it’s [Middle East peace] going to be easy.

Asked about Terry Jones, he referred to him as “the individual down in Florida,” “this individual” and “one individual in Florida”. This could be because 1) he’s trying to emphasize that Jones has almost no followers, 2) he’s forgotten his name, 3) he can never remember which one is Terry Jones and which one is Michael Palin.

INDIAN HUTS, WITCHES, AND CROSSES ON BLACK PEOPLE’S LAWNS, MAYBE, BUT NOT SACRED TEXTS: “The idea that we would burn the sacred texts of someone else’s religion is contrary to what this country stands for.”

UNLESS BY ATTENTION YOU MEAN BEING CALLED OUT IN A PRESS CONFERENCE BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: “And although this may be one individual in Florida, part of my concern is to make sure that we don’t start having a whole bunch of folks all across the country think this is the way to get attention.”


WHAT HE’S CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT: “And so I am constantly thinking about how do we create ladders for communities and individuals to climb into the middle class.” Ladder factories?

See if you can guess what country Obama is referring to here: “It has a multiethnic population that mistrusts, oftentimes, each other. And it doesn’t have a tradition of a strong, central government.” If you guessed the United States, you were probably listening to the earlier part of the presser when he was begging for the Republicans to stop grinding our central government to a halt, but he’s actually talking about Afghanistan.

Asked about dealing with corrupt officials in Afghanistan (that is, officials in Afghanistan): “the only way that you are going to have a stable government over the long term is if the Afghan people feel that you’re looking out for them. And that means making sure that the tradition of corruption in the government is reduced.” Way to set goals.

“And we’ve made progress on some of those fronts. I mean, when it comes to corruption, I’ll just give you an example. Four years ago, 11 judges in the Afghan legal system were indicted for corruption. This year, 86 were indicted for corruption.” Well I know that reassures me. Doesn’t that reassure you?

AND BY “MADE COMPROMISES,” HE MEANS “PAID MASSIVE BRIBES TO”: “Are there going to be occasions where we look and see that some of our folks on the ground have made compromises with people who are known to have engaged in corruption?

AND BY “A WINK AND A NOD,” HE MEANS “PAID MASSIVE BRIBES TO”: “Let’s make sure that our efforts there are not seen as somehow giving a wink and a nod to corruption.”

On trials of alleged terrorists: “there are going to be circumstances where a military tribunal may be appropriate... there may be situations in which somebody was captured in theater, is now in Guantanamo. It’s very hard to piece together a chain of evidence that would meet some of the evidentiary standards that would be required in an Article III court. But we know that this person is guilty; there’s sufficient evidence to bring about a conviction.” Just not in a real court. But it’s okay because we “know” this person is guilty.


STILL TO THIS DAY: “Al Qaeda operatives still cite Guantanamo as a justification for attacks against the United States. Still to this day.” That might be because Guantanamo is still in the indefinite-detention-without-trial business. Still to this day.

What about capturing Osama bin Laden? “we have the best minds, the best intelligence officers, the best special forces, who are thinking about this day and night. And they will continue to think about it day and night as long as I’m president.” Because on his last day in office, we still won’t have captured bin Laden, is what he’s saying.

Finally, he made a fairly strong defense of the “Ground Zero Mosque.” “And what that means is that if you could build a church on a site, you could build a synagogue on a site, if you could build a Hindu temple on a site, then you should be able to build a mosque on the site.” In fact, you could build a church on top of a synagogue on top of a Hindu temple on top of a mosque on top of a Burlington Coat Factory.


“we’ve got millions of Muslim Americans, our fellow citizens, in this country. They’re going to school with our kids. They’re our neighbors. They’re our friends. They’re our coworkers. And when we start acting as if their religion is somehow offensive, what are we saying to them?”

What indeed.

Today -100: September 10, 1910: Of bribery

Ill. State Rep. Lee O’Neil Browne is acquitted for his role in the bribery of the state legislature to elect William Lorimer to the US Senate. Oddly, Browne is a Democrat and Lorimer a Republican. This was Browne’s second trial; the first resulted in a hung jury and hints of jury tampering.

Today -100: September 9, 1910: Of bribery, imperialism, the negro franchise, and perpetual motion

Teddy Roosevelt bans Sen. William Lorimer, whose seat was purchased by bribery, from a banquet in his honor at the (Republican) Hamilton Club in Chicago. In his speech TR accuses the Illinois Legislature of “the foulest and basest corruption, and, therefore, of the most infamous treason to American institutions.” It’s funny because it’s true.

The US chargé d’affaires in Panama, Richard Marsh, threatens the Panama Assembly and government that if they “persistently refuse to accede to the clear wishes of the American Government” by, for example, the Assembly electing the candidate of its own choosing and not that of the United States to fill the remainder of the term of the late president, then the US “can only adopt such means to prevent such opposition in the future as occupation and annexation.” The NYT says this statement has “created a sensation” in Panama.

Since the NYT devotes only 55 words to this story, I might as well give it verbatim: “The lower House of the Texas Legislature to-day, by a vote of 51 to 34, instructed Senators and Congressmen to work for the repeal of the Fourteenth Amendment to the Federation Constitution, conferring franchise upon negroes.” Presumably they mean the 15th Amendment.

David Hacker, a NYC tailor, is building a dirigible which will run by perpetual motion. And a bicycle. A combination of bicycle and perpetual motion. The article’s end is priceless:

“I’m going to Washington first to call on President Taft, and any twenty persons [the airship’s capacity] who want to go with me will be welcome. After that I’m going to establish a transoceanic service with other ships like this first one.”

Hacker’s friends say he is a good tailor.

Not trying to avoid embarrassment or escape scrutiny

The 9th Circuit rules 6-5 that the Obama administration can keep victims of Bush’s extraordinary rendition and torture policies out of court by calling those policies “state secrets,” but the majority is pretty sure “that the government is not invoking the privilege to avoid embarrassment or to escape scrutiny of its recent controversial transfer and interrogation policies.” So that’s okay then.

Really, who would even have the nerve to impute that a government that kidnapped people and sent them to Morocco to be tortured was trying to avoid embarrassment or escape scrutiny?

The majority wept crocodile tears over the tough job it had: “This state requires us to address the difficult balance the state secrets doctrine strikes between fundamental principles of our liberty, including justice, transparency, accountability and national security.” And then they tossed out liberty, justice, transparency and accountability. Balance achieved.

By the way, to those smartypants who point out that there is no mention of a “state secrets doctrine” in the Constitution, that’s because it’s a state secret. Duh.

Unpleasant consequences

After anti-war protesters threw eggs and shoes at him in Dublin, Tony Blair cancels a second book-signing event so as not to “put our guests through the unpleasant consequences of the actions of demonstrators.” Still no second thoughts about putting Iraqis through the unpleasant consequences of his actions.

Today -100: September 8, 1910: Roosevelt & La Follette

TR, in Wisconsin, criticizes a scheme by Republican Old Guardists to ignore the results of the (advisory) primaries and have the Legislature elect someone other than Robert La Follette to the US Senate.

Today -100: September 7, 1910: As goes Vermont

Republicans sweep the elections for state offices in Vermont. Evidently they didn’t wait for November. But the Republican majority is only 2:1, which is considered a bad omen for Republicans nation-wide (“As goes Vermont...”). In other states, primaries are going on, and progressive/insurgent Republicans are generally trouncing Old Guard Republicans. The party convention in California rejects a plank endorsing Taft.

Argh

Yesterday I saw a pirate flag (not this one) on its side


and realized it looked an awful lot like the letters X E, the new name of Blackwater. Coincidence?

Things That Look Like Other Things in the News

Pictures from that great almost-newspaper, The Daily Telegraph.


Yes, that is of course Jesus Christ on a telephone poll in Louisiana.

The Basque separatist group ETA (Euskadi Ta Askatasuna) declares a ceasefire, but Spain says no thanks. This is what ETA declaring a ceasefire looks like.


Some Catholics in France are complaining that Muslims are “calmly taking possession of our churches with the complicity of the Catholic authorities.” By which they mean that one of the new gargoyles on a 12th-century cathedral in Lyons was made to resemble a foreman on the restoration project – who happens to be Muslim.


The record for “fastest furniture” was broken this weekend (but is there footage on YouTube? No there is not) by Perry Watkins and his nitrous-powered Queen Anne table with silver dinner service (113 mph).


Clive Williams, a retired electrical engineer in Henley-on-Thames, has discovered in his garden a carrot that looks exactly like Buzz Lightyear.


And here’s a Tom Toles cartoon.

Today -100: September 6, 1910: Of radium, rights, and baby parades

Marie Curie obtains pure radium.

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO A PHONE CALL: NYC Police Commissioner Baker orders that people under arrest have a right to send a message or have someone notified by telephone without charge. In the past, cops have extracted graft for providing this service.

Headline of the Day -100: “Stabbed, He Falls Before Baby Parade.”

Paul Conrad

Political cartooning is something of a dying art these days, but Paul Conrad was one of the best, earning himself a proud place on Nixon’s enemies list and provoking Nancy Reagan into calling Conrad’s publisher at the LA Times every day when Ronnie was governor until he stopped taking her calls. Paul Conrad, dead at 86.

Pep talk of the day

Those Andean plane crash survivors tell the trapped Chilean miners hey at least you don’t have to eat each other.

Today -100: September 4, 1910: Of trolleys and figs

The Columbus, Ohio trolley company gets a temporary injunction forbidding the striking Association of Street Car Men handing out printed manner warning people not to ride the trolleys, picketing stations or stopping points, or intimidating employees.

In Bari, Italy, a mob of 2,000, displeased by an ordinance prohibiting the eating of figs because of a cholera scare, wreck the local sanitation office and beat up the employees.

Figs?

64,000 Russians have died during the current cholera outbreak. Russians must eat a lot of figs, or something.

I want to support what is the outcome that the parties can agree to

Today Secretary of State Clinton was interviewed jointly by Israeli and Palestinian tv.

AND BY ASSOCIATED, YOU MEAN THAT YOU WERE MARRIED TO THE PRESIDENT: “And I think I’m the first person ever associated with an American administration who called for a Palestinian state as a way to realize the two-state solution.”

WHAT’S CLEAR TO HILLARY: “It’s clear to me that the forces of growth and positive energy are in a conflict with the forces of destruction and negativity.” “Forces of growth and positive energy.” That’s good rhetoric, Hills, because if Muslims and Jews can find common ground on anything, it’s that spacey new age talk like that is annoying.

WHAT HILLARY CANNOT DO: “Now, I will be the first to tell you it is very difficult. I cannot change history. I cannot take an eraser to the history books and change everything that has happened between you for so many years.” For example, while some Palestinians might wish to erase the Jews, Hillary would want to erase just one Jew, named Monica.

WHAT WE GOT: “And from [Israelis’] perspective, and one of the reasons for the skepticism in Israel, is we pulled out of Lebanon, we got Hezbollah, we pulled out of Gaza, we got Hamas.” Straight out of the Likud handbook, that line.

But it gets worse:

“So I think that Iran is a serious problem. I’m the first to tell you that.” Funny, I thought Iran was a country. “It’s a problem not just for the United States. It’s a problem for the entire region, because more than anyone, you see the results. I mean, Hamas is not only attacking Israelis; Hamas has been brutal to the people in Gaza in so many ways over the last years.” Hamas = Iran.

NO ONE DESERVES A FUTURE IN TORONTO OR CHICAGO: “I’m hoping that the leadership will be willing to try one more time and to be willing to do the hard work of making peace, because these young people – they deserve to have a future in Ramallah or Jericho, not in Toronto or Chicago.”

Asked, presumably by the Israeli reporter, why she had changed her mind since Candidate Hillary said that Jerusalem was the undivided capital of Israel: “I want to support what is the outcome that the parties can agree to.”

Just remember where they’ve been

The chief rabbi of Britain refuted Stephen Hawking’s proof of the non-existence of God. But he did it behind the Times’s paywall, which means that you live in a cold, purposeless, chaotic universe unless you pay Rupert Murdoch.

Fortunately for those of living outside the paywall we still have the Daily Telegraph, which today introduces us to the world’s biggest potato. Those of us outside Murdoch’s praywall will just have to worship it as our new god:


Headline of the Day: “JM Barrie in Clear over Dead Babies Found in Trunk.” Turns out the trunk was owned by a nurse named Janet M. Barrie, and not by the author of Peter Pan.

Make-Over of the Day: “Phone Box Turned into Lavatory.” When was the last time you saw a phone box that hadn’t been turned into a lavatory?

Finally, some nurses at an NHS hospital in Milton Keynes do a rap about washing your hands (the rap begins at 0:58). “Even if your hands look clean / Just remember where they’ve been.” So sad, so very sad.

Today -100: September 3, 1910: Of Marines, new nationalisms, and lynchings

The American Marines in Nicaragua, having succeeded in preventing the Madriz government taking the port of Bluefields and thereby playing a small-to-medium role in Madriz’s downfall, are being withdrawn.

Taft leaks, or someone leaks on his behalf, that parts of TR’s “new nationalism” sounds unconstitutional to him. In particular, a federal child (and women) labor law and a workmen’s compensation act would infringe, Taft thinks, on the powers of the states.

Taft does not plan to do any campaigning on behalf of Republican candidates this fall. Back then, it just wasn’t done.

A mob in Graceville, Florida lynches a black man and woman believed to have shot a cop trying to arrest the man for stealing a watch. They were seized from the town jail and hanged from a trestle.

A NYT editorial tries to explain the feminist opposition to the city’s new Night Court for women without quite explaining what they object to, which is “to the systematic examination to which women of a certain class are to be subjected to in court, though its object is clearly humane and in the interest of public health and morals.” If I’m reading this correctly, prostitutes are being forced to undergo medical examinations of their naughty bits.

Today -100: September 2, 1910: Of gambling, women in court, lynchings, and reviews

New York bans all betting, whether “orally or otherwise.” The bill was originally aimed just at racing, but amendments got out of hand. The racing season was just aborted prematurely, before this law came into effect.

NYC opens a separate Women’s Night Court. Feminists are organizing against it.

A negro is lynched in Jackson Crossing, Mississippi. A crowd of 2,000 participates.

Headline: “Kaiser Reviews 30,000 Men.” Boy, everyone’s a critic.

Boxer-Fiorina California US Senate debate: I want to see the words “made in America” again

Tonight Barbara Boxer and Carly Fiorina debated for the California Senate seat (flawed transcript).

Carly: “But I think our founding fathers intended for ours to be an elected government.”

Boxer: “When she was CEO of Hewlett Packard, before she was terminated, actually, she shipped 30,000 jobs overseas. Think of it. That’s the size of Foster City.” On the other hand if she’d actually shipped Foster City overseas, would anyone have noticed?


Boxer: “I want to see the words ‘made in America’ again.”

Carly-cakes: “She voted against body armor.”

F: “Senator boxer has vilified the people of Arizona, even though the federal government isn’t doing its job.”

F: “she is also for big government and elite, extreme environmental groups.”


B: “And I have a record which won me an award from doctors who were trying to find out better treatments for burn victims.” What would such an award be named? The Burny? The Crispy?

Boxer: “So I love the military. In a very personal way.”

Questions from viewers. A Mr. Tim Tam, if that is his real name, asks, “Senator boxer, you have been staying in the office three terms. Why don’t you let other people try?”

B: “I don’t think we need those Wall Street values right now.”

F: “The truth is that California has higher-than-average unemployment rate because we are destroying jobs and others are fighting harder for our jobs. Texas is fighting harder for our jobs. So is North Carolina, Brazil, Guatemala, China, India, Russia, Poland. I know precisely why those jobs go. And I’ll tell you why. Because China for example, like Texas, like Brazil, gives companies huge tax credits. They help them cult through reg -- cut through regulation.” Fiorina’s new slogan: culting through regulation.


F: “And frankly, I don’t think there are enough people in Washington who understand why private sector jobs are important.”

SF Chronicle reporter Carla Marenucci asked Boxer about the most important moment in recent California political history, when Boxer asked Gen. Michael Walsh to call her senator rather than ma’am. Boxer says she called him general. Evidently after the scandalous event in question, she called the general and asked if she should apologize for upsetting him and he said no.

Fee-fi-fo-orina said it was just a shame that Boxer is using Hewlett Packard, “a treasure of California,” as a political football.

Asked if she ever disagreed with her boyfriend Obama on anything, Boxer said we need an exit strategy in Afghanistan and he should appoint Elizabeth Warren, right now.

Carly says she is pro-life because “My husband’s mother was told to abort him” because of health concerns, but “She lived a ripe old age to 98.” So clearly, as that anecdote demonstrates, nobody needs abortion rights.

Carly says Boxer “said that she doesn’t think a baby has rights until it leaves the hospital.” (In 1999, and she said no such thing. It was in a debate with Rick Santorum. She said she’d had 2 children, Little Ricky said he’s had 6, she said, no your wife had 6, he said no we both did, “That’s the way we do things in our family.”)

Fiorina says she’d overturn Roe v. Wade “If there were an opportunity. It’s not something I’m running on.”

F. keeps saying Boxer has sponsored only four successful bills in her Senate career. Eventually, Boxer notes that the way Fiorina is counting, neither McCain nor Feingold would get credit for McCain-Feingold.

F: “Recovery summer has become the summer of despair in California.”

F. seems to support Prop. 23 (to kill state global warming legislation), although she also refuses to take an explicit position, because “The only way to impact global warming is to act globally. A state acting alone will make no difference.”

B. says if you support Prop. 23, “China takes the lead away from us with solar. That Germany takes the lead from us with wind.” Heaven forfend Germany take the lead from us with wind. “But I guess my opponent is kind of used to creating jobs in China and other places.”


F: “I think it’s crystal clear that we have loads of laws.” So we should all be allowed to have assault weapons.

Today -100: September 1, 1910: Of exploding trolleys, legal fictions, new nationalisms, and fat tsars

Another trolley is blown up in Columbus, and there is a threat to turn the trolley strike into a general strike if it is not resolved in 72 hours.

Woodrow Wilson, speaking to the American Bar Association’s annual convention, says that the “fatuous, antiquated, and quite unnecessary fiction” that corporations are legal persons should be abandoned. When they do wrong, their directors should be punished, not their shareholders. Society “cannot afford to let its strongest men be the only men who are inaccessible to the law.”

And Teddy Roosevelt makes exactly the same point – “officers, and, especially, the directors, of corporations should be held personally responsible when any corporation breaks the law” – in a speech at the John Brown Celebration in Osawatomie, Kansas which marked his first use of the term “new nationalism,” which would feature in his 1912 presidential campaign, and which meant a much stronger president, capable of overriding “local selfishness,” Congress, corporations etc in the national interest. He also called for a progressive income tax and a progressive inheritance tax on large corporations, and said, “There can be no effective control of corporations while their political activity remains.”


Headline and Scoop of the Day -100: “Czar Growing Stouter.”

Obama’s Pretending the War in Iraq is Over speech: An age without surrender ceremonies

This time, it was the voluble Joe Biden who said it most succinctly: “We’re going to be just fine. They’re going to be just fine.” Obama spun that nonsense out at greater length, in a soporific monotone.

Transcript.

WHAT THIS MILESTONE SHOULD SERVE AS A REMINDER TO ALL AMERICANS OF: “But this milestone should serve as a reminder to all Americans that the future is ours to shape if we move forward with confidence and commitment.” Funny, I’d have said the last 7+ years of the Iraq war have shown that the future is not ours to shape, no matter how much misplaced confidence and commitment we exude.

MAYBE WE SHOULD BURN THAT DESK, JUST TO BE SURE: “From this desk, seven and a half years ago, President Bush announced the beginning of military operations in Iraq.”


“A war to disarm a state became a fight against an insurgency.” Here, Obama buys into the narrative that Bush began the invasion of Iraq to disarm Saddam Hussein. Wouldn’t want the smoking gun to come in the form of a mushroom cloud, you know.

EXCEPT FOR THAT WMD SNIPE HUNT, OF COURSE: “The Americans who have served in Iraq completed every mission they were given.”

WHY WE FOUGHT: “Our troops fought block by block to help Iraq seize the chance for a better future.” And I’m sure the surviving residents of those blocks are standing by their piles of rubble, just being grateful for that chance for a better future.

“So tonight, I am announcing that the American combat mission in Iraq has ended.”


“And Iraqi forces have taken the fight to Al Qaeda, removing much of its leadership in Iraqi-led operations.” And here (and elsewhere in the speech), Obama buys into the narrative that the Iraq war was about Al Qaida.

IT’S ABOUT FIVE MONTHS LATE FOR THAT “SENSE OF URGENCY” THING: “Tonight, I encourage Iraq’s leaders to move forward with a sense of urgency to form an inclusive government that is just, representative, and accountable to the Iraqi people.”


IRAQ = PAGE. “Now, it is time to turn the page.”

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? “This afternoon, I spoke to former President George W. Bush.”

I’M PRETTY SURE THERE IS SOMEONE WHO COULD DOUBT THAT: “Yet no one could doubt President Bush’s support for our troops, or his love of country and commitment to our security.”

HE NEVER WANTS US TO MAKE A MISTAKE: “But make no mistake: this transition will begin - because open-ended war serves neither our interests nor the Afghan people’s.”

“Over seven years before, American troops and coalition partners had fought their way across similar highways, but this time no shots were fired. It was just a convoy of brave Americans, making their way home.” So the big victory is that they didn’t shoot at us when we were leaving. Hurrah.

IT’S HARD TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE YOU JUST SHOT OR BOMBED: “Along with nearly 1.5 million Americans who have served in Iraq, they fought in a faraway place for people they never knew.”

THE LIGHT OF ELECTRICITY MORE THAN TWO HOURS A DAY WOULD ALSO BE NICE: “They stared into the darkest of human creations – war – and helped the Iraqi people seek the light of peace.”

HOW WE MUST EARN VICTORY: “In an age without surrender ceremonies, we must earn victory through the success of our partners and the strength of our own nation.”

PAINTED GRAY AND UNDERWATER? “Our troops are the steel in our ship of state. And though our nation may be traveling through rough waters, they give us confidence that our course is true, and that beyond the pre-dawn darkness, better days lie ahead.” So, if I understand this metaphor correctly, we’re traveling through rough waters on a ship built out of troops (I’m picturing the pirate comic in Alan Moore’s Watchmen) in pre-dawn darkness to better days.


Today Obama also issued a proclamation for National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. Just saying.

Justification

At the Israeli whitewash investigation of the flotillacide, Major General Eitan Dangot of the IDF insists “There was no justification for the flotilla, because there was no humanitarian crisis in Gaza.”

What does the IDF find justified? As Lenin reminds us, shooting a 13-year-old Palestinian girl and then going over and emptying a magazine into her to “confirm the kill,” that was considered justified. (My old posts on the case.)

Today -100: August 31, 1910: Of seminary students, assassination fall-out, trolleys, and cardinals

The pope has ordered the closing of the seminary in Perugia, Italy, because the students gave an ovation to the king and queen of Italy.

The NYT reports that Henry Reed Rathbone is near death. They’re wrong by a year, but this story was new to me, not being an assassination buff: In April 1865 Rathbone, a Union army major, and his step-sister Clara were guests of the Lincolns at Ford’s Theatre. Rathbone received several stab wounds trying to stop John Wilkes Booth. He recovered and entered government service, but slowly went insane. In 1883, while US consul to Hanover, he shot Clara, who he had married in 1867, fatally, then tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself 6 times. He was committed to a German insane asylum for the rest of his life.

The trolley strike is still going on in Columbus. A couple of trolleys are dynamited, with passengers aboard, but no one is killed. The mob fights with soldiers.

Headline of the Day -100: “Brooklyn Helpless Before Cardinals.” Oh, baseball, not a Hitchcock, Tippi Hedren thing.

Today -100: August 30, 1910: Of Roosevelt Democrats

The governor of Colorado and the mayor of Denver call for Theodore Roosevelt (who they were introducing in the Denver Auditorium) to run for president in 1912. They are both Democrats.

And if anyone can restore America’s honor, it’s Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin

Sorry, I just can’t. I didn’t read Beck’s speech and I got as far in Palin’s as “I must assume that you too know that we must not fundamentally transform America as some would want,” then I had to lie down.

So feel free to caption these here pictures:



(The Reuters caption says that Beck is introducing a representative Jew, a representative Indian, a representative guy unafraid to wear a pink shirt that in front of a bunch of people who think anyone wearing a pink shirt is a fag and must be killed, and a descendant of Protestant settlers.)





(Update: Palin tweets “So honored to be a part of the ‘Restoring Honor’ rally today in D.C.” Yes, Sarah, “restoring honor” meant restoring it to you, because it’s always all about you.)

Today -100: August 27, 1910: Of the Divine Right of Kings, 20th century style

Kaiser Wilhelm delivered a speech
in which he insisted that the crown came to him “by God’s grace alone, and not by Parliaments, assemblages of the people, or resolutions of the people”. Predictable shitstorm ensues.

Russia gives special permission to Oscar Straus, the US ambassador to Turkey, to enter visit St. Petersburg. Permission is required because Straus is Jewish.

Cowabunga

Edward Kean, the Howdy Doody writer who coined that immortal word, has died. No mention of what his last words or, one hopes, word, might have been.

Today -100: August 25, 1910: Of colonies

Secretary of War Jacob Dickinson, visiting the Philippines, hears from Moros who want Mindanao annexed to the US, or made independent, but definitely not subsumed within the Philippines.

I don’t know how much tea he’s getting with his Mexican food...

but I’m pretty sure he’s getting a lot of pee.

Butter pecan burping during Ramadan

Another way in which Obama administration policies go further than Bush’s did: officials at Guantanamo no longer tell us how many hunger strikers they are force feeding.

But they do inform us that they are doing it in a culturally sensitive way, force feeding them only between dusk and dawn during Ramadan.

So that’s okay then.

“By last summer, staff were pointing to Butter Pecan flavored Ensure as popular with the chair-shackled captives. Flavor made no difference going down, one nurse explained, but a captive could taste it if he burped later.”

Today -100: August 24, 1910: Teddy Roosevelt is against a crook

Roosevelt gives a speech in upstate New York, supporting a state senator who VP Sherman opposes. TR sez, “the only kind of politics I care for is the kind of politics where decency is combined with efficiency,” whatever that means. He also said, “I am against a crook – rich or poor” and “There is only one person I place above the veteran, and that is the mother who does her full duty. I like all your crops, but I like children best.”

José Dolores Estrada, brother of the insurgent general, declares himself president of Nicaragua. He claims there will be an election within six months.

Fashion victim -100: A Pittsburg tailor fell asleep in his shop and died in his sleep, choked to death by a high collar.

Boars and zombies

Headline of the Day... well, it’s a tie:

“Italian Priest Shot Dead after Being Mistaken for Wild Boar” and “Minneapolis Will Pay $165,000 to Zombies.”

Actually, the money will be paid to “seven zombies and their attorney.”

Contest: what would be a good name for an attorney’s firm that specializes in representing zombies?