Today -100: September 25, 1910: Of exiles, sensation-seeking, and pet moo-cows

Nicaragua’s Estrada government (that’s the general, who is now president, not his brother, who was president for a few days last month; there were I believe 2 different presidents in between) sticks a bunch of the opposition Liberals on a ship bound for Panama.

TR will be in St Louis at the time of an air meet, but declined an offer to go up in a plane, suggesting that he might be accused of sensation-seeking.

In an interview, Woodrow Wilson accuses the Republicans of using the tariff “less and less as a means of protection – more and more as a means of patronage,” behind which trusts have conspired to raise prices.

Headline of the Day -100: “Will Take Cow to Taft.” The person who will take the cow to Taft is Jim Torrey, an 8th (!) cousin of Taft’s, and the cow is named Pauline Wayne, who will replace the Taft family’s late, lamented pet cow Mooley.

The Pledge to America (just like the Pledge of Allegiance but without Richard Stands)

The Republican Party leadership assembled, as is traditional, at the Tart Lumber Company (“Everything to Build Anything”), to solemnly issue a Pledge to America. It is as unserious a political document as has ever been put forth by a major political party at a major lumber company “Supplying Northern Virginia builders with quality lumber building materials and hardware since 1951”) in American history.

John Boehner is built out of quality building materials and hardware

It begins by denying the legitimacy of the American government. It’s worth quoting at length:

In a self-governing society, the only bulwark against the power of the state is the consent of the governed, and regarding the policies of the current government, the governed do not consent. An unchecked executive, a compliant legislature, and an overreaching judiciary have combined to thwart the will of the people and overturn their votes and their values, striking down long-standing laws and institutions and scorning the deepest beliefs of the American people. An arrogant and out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites makes decisions, issues mandates, and enacts laws without accepting or requesting the input of the many.

That paragraph accusing the majority party of being a dictatorship is followed in the very next sentence by a complaint about “a polarizing political environment”.

Was there a coup that didn’t make it into the papers, when those elites “self-appointed” themselves, possibly while we were all distracted by the World Cup? If the R’s can state as a fact that the elected (but unchecked) executive and the elected (but compliant) legislature are thwarting the will of the people, they must have some means of determining the will of the people that’s superior to democratic elections, and I can’t wait to hear what that is. Magic 8 Ball? Sarah Palin’s Twitter feed? If elections are now discredited as a means of ascertaining the will of the people, why should an election won by the R’s be accorded any greater legitimacy?

OH, I THINK IT CAN: “The need for urgent action to repair our economy and reclaim our government for the people cannot be overstated.”

They pledge to honor the “original intent” of the Constitution, especially the 10th Amendment.

PRIVATE? YOU MEAN THE MASONS, DON’T YOU? “We pledge to honor families, traditional marriage, life, and the private and faith-based organizations that form the core of our American values.”

WHISPER? OH, YOU’VE GOT THE VOLUME ON THE TV YOU’RE WATCHING FOX NEWS ON SET AT 2 AGAIN, DON’T YOU? “Voices in and out of government whisper that our standing as the world’s leader of democracy and economic growth is ending.”

CHENEY SECRET ENERGY TASK FORCE, RING ANY BELLS? “What’s worse, the most important decisions are made behind closed doors, where a flurry of backroom deals has supplanted the will of the people.”

They say they have a plan to “create jobs, end economic uncertainty... end the attack on free enterprise”. Did no one tell them that the essence of the free enterprise system is economic uncertainty?

They will stop job-killing policies and the job-killing agenda, job-killing tax increases, the job-killing health care plan, and job-killing mandates. They really like the adjective “job-killing,” is what I’m saying.

They also really like the adjective “common-sense,” as in “We must put common-sense limits on the growth of government”. Of course decisions on the growth of government are entirely political decisions, there is no such thing as a “common-sense” size of government. The phrase “common-sense” is intended to put their ideological positions beyond discussion.

THAT’S A BIG IF: “If we’ve learned anything over the last two years, it’s that we cannot spend our way to prosperity.” Unless we buy winning lottery tickets, of course.

Some details: Freeze net hiring of “non-security” federal employees; permanently end bailouts; end taxpayer funding of abortion forever; keep prisoners in Guantanamo forever. Every bill will “contain a citation of Constitutional authority,” and be put up on the web three days before Congress votes. Small businesses can deduct 20% of their income. A congressional vote on any regulation affecting more than $100m in economic activity. Kill Fannie & Freddie. End stimulus spending immediately (which would leave many projects half-finished, Kevin Drum points out).

PRIDE AND DIGNITY? HAVE THESE PEOPLE EVER ACTUALLY HADA JOB? “for our workforce, there is no substitute for the pride and dignity that comes with an honest day’s work and a steady paycheck.”

ALSO, “WHERE’S THE REMOTE?”: “The trillion-dollar ‘stimulus’ spending bill has made ‘where are the jobs?’ a national rallying cry”. That’s a really odd rally.

JUST LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY: “Washington’s out-of-control spending spree needs no introduction.”

THEY PROMISED WHAT NOW? “Instead of putting the brakes on Washington’s spending habits as they promised, President Obama and Democratic Leaders have...”

A FACT-BASED CONVERSATION: “We will have a responsible, fact-based conversation with the American people about the scale of the fiscal challenges we face, and the urgent action that is required to deal with them.” Will have, future tense, because as everyone points out, they aren’t willing to name a single program (except TARP) that they plan to cut.

DAMN THE ‘60s! “Earlier this year, House Republicans launched the YouCut initiative to combat the permissive culture of runaway spending in Congress.” I just love that use of the word permissive.

THE ONE THING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANTED: “The American people wanted one thing out of health care reform: lower costs, which President Obama and Democrats in Washington promised, but did not deliver.” Just one thing, lower costs. Not access for the uninsured, not coverage of pre-existing conditions, certainly not single fucking payer.

AND YET THE MINORITY ALWAYS SEEMS TO WIN: “The House of Representatives continues to move further away from its roots as a deliberative body, toward a centralized power structure where the majority does whatever it needs to win at all costs.”

“We will launch a prolonged campaign to transfer power back to the people and ensure they have a say in what goes on in the Congress.” This prolonged campaign will evidently involve... wait for it... a web site. Power... transferred.

They will fight extending Miranda Rights to foreign terrorists.

Missile defense, because, oo, Iran, scary. Sanctions on Iran, which “has declared its determination to acquire a nuclear capability”. That is a true but wilfully misleading statement, which 90% of people will read as saying that Iran has declared a determination to acquire nuclear weapons.

We will “establish operational control” of the border, whatever that means, “and prohibit the Secretaries of the Interior and Agriculture from interfering with Border Patrol enforcement activities on federal lands.” I’m not sure what that means, but I’m going to guess it means that the border fence can violate environmental laws.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR JAN BREWER: “We will reaffirm the authority of state and local law enforcement to assist in the enforcement of all federal immigration laws.”

YES, BECAUSE REPUBLICANS WOULD NEVER DO THAT: “We will fight efforts to use a national crisis for political gain.”

Today -100: September 24, 1910: Of assassins and mammies

The Japanese government denies that there was any plot to assassinate the emperor. But a bunch of anarchists have been arrested with bomb-making equipment.

A charter has been applied for for an institute to be established in Athens, Georgia to train young African-Americans in the culinary and domestic arts. It will be called The Black Mammy Memorial Institute.

Today -100: September 23, 1910: Of relics of a barbarous age and the death of Little Dorrit

Henry Neil, Secretary of the National Probation League, says that “if the right hand of fellowship were extended to burglars instead of the kick and threat, the world would be better, the penitentiaries would be emptied in a short time, and there would be no need of lock and key, bolt and bar.” So he’s had all the locks removed from his house, calling them “relics of a barbarous age.” The Times does not give his address (in Illinois, where he later became a judge).

Little Dorrit has died, or at any rate a Mrs. G. M. Hayman, whose family claims that Dickens based the character on her. They also say her brother, a cheerful cripple, was Tiny Tim.

Today -100: September 22, 1910: Of attempted assassinations, at home and abroad

Japan leaks the discovery of a socialist plot to assassinate Emperor Mutsuhito. The plotters will be sentenced to death by a special secret court. Supposedly, this is the only such plot in the last 2,500 years.

US ambassador to Turkey Oscar Straus has dropped plans to visit Russia, evidently because he was unwilling to accept the special passport necessary for him to visit St Petersburg because he is Jewish.

William Randolph Hearst responds to Mayor Gaynor’s accusations that attacks on him in Hearst’s papers resulted in his assassination. Hearst says the shooting must have affected Gaynor’s mind and regrets that “his experience did not abate his evil temper or his lying tongue.” Hearst goes on to make various insinuations about the corrupt forces allegedly behind the campaign to elect Gaynor governor. He ends politely, “I personally will not take advantage of your columns to criticize Mayor Gaynor politically, first because of his illness, and second, because his mental, as well as his moral condition, has eliminated him from political consideration.”

No, Biffy, I expect you to die

It seems like at least 50 people have been suggested as the “real James Bond,” but... Wilfred “Biffy” Dunderdale?

“Dunderdale, Biffy Dunderdale.”

Apologize, Butt!

Headline of the Day (BBC): “England Demand Apology From Butt” (the headline on my feed, not on the linked page). Something about cricket.

Ijaz Butt is probably a perfectly respectable and not at all humorous name in Pakistan.

Today -100: September 21, 1910: Of confabs and lynchings

Taft and TR met a couple of days ago, and talked amiably about whatever. Now TR is denying White House spin that he asked for the meeting, rather than Taft.

For a nice change of pace, some Italians are lynched in Tampa.

Obama town hall: Whacking Wall Street with a stick

Netanyahu wouldn’t extend the settlement “freeze” for something as small as keeping Middle East peace talks going. But he would do it in exchange for the release of the spy Jonathan Pollard.

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Obama held a “town hall” “discussion” in D.C. for CNBC.

HE’S THE REMINDERER: “But the thing I’ve just got to remind people of is the fact that it took us a decade to get into the problem that we’re in right now.”

YEAH THE QUICK FIX THING, LET’S DO THAT: “So there are a lot of plans in place that can make improvement, but it’s slow and steady, as opposed to the kind of quick fix that I think a lot of people would like to see.”

A lot of the questions were about why he hated rich people so much, including one poor woman who had to eat hot dogs and beans to keep her children in private school, and a hedge fund manager who says Wall Street feels like “we’ve been whacked with a stick” by Obama. Half of America didn’t hear any of the rest of the broadcast, just daydreaming happily about Obama whacking a hedge fund manager with a stick. The CNBC guy actually asked if Obama thought that “working for profit is morally inferior to the kind of work you used to do as a community organizer.” Obama says he doesn’t think that, although he so does think that.

GETTING YOUR FOOT IN THE DOOR WHILE YOU’RE TREADING WATER: “Now, as I said before, what we saw happening during 2001 to the time I took office was wages actually declining for middle-class families, people treading water, young people having more trouble getting their foot in the door in terms of businesses.”

IS IT THAT DREAM ABOUT YOU WHACKING A HEDGE FUND MANAGER WITH A STICK? “So if we’re doing all those things, I am confident that the American Dream will continue for the next generation.” And then, pfft.

On the tea party movement: “I think that America has a noble tradition of being healthily skeptical about government. That’s in our DNA, right? I mean, we came in because the folks over on the other side of the Atlantic had been oppressing folks without giving them representation.” Should a black man in America, even one whose ancestors didn’t come over in shackles, be propagating that particular origin story (although people whose ancestors were kept in chains for generations by the legal system might also be said to have a healthy scepticism about government in their DNA)?

WHAT THE CHALLENGE FOR THE TEA PARTY MOVEMENT IS (FINDING A PLACE THAT RENTS OUT FIFES AND DRUMS?): “And so the challenge, I think, for the Tea Party movement is to identify specifically what would you do. It’s not enough just to say, get control of spending. I think it’s important for you to say, I’m willing to cut veterans’ benefits, or I’m willing to cut Medicare or Social Security benefits, or I’m willing to see these taxes go up.”

TELL THAT TO SEN. TOM COBURN: “But you know what, the truth is everybody here probably thinks it’s a pretty good idea that we regulate the food industry, for example, so we don’t get E. coli and salmonella.”

OH GOOD, IT’S ALWAYS GOOD THAT ALL STUPID VIOLENT OPTIONS ARE ON THE TABLE: “We don’t think that a war between Israel and Iran, or military options would be the ideal way to solve this problem. But we are keeping all our options on the table.”

BILL AYRES? REV. WRIGHT? YOUR SECRET MUSLIM PAYMASTERS? “Now, I stay up every night and I wake up every morning thinking about the people who sent me into this job.”

SO WE’RE TOTALLY BONED, IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING: “I have put forward proposals that are going to require bipartisan cooperation in order for us to get government spending under control.”

And then he went to Philadelphia and bought not one, but two Philly cheese steak sandwiches. The economy is saved!

Questionable folks

Christine O’Donnell says of her having “dabbled into” witchcraft, “How many of you didn’t hang out with questionable folks in high school?”

Reached for comment, sheepish-looking former members of the Moorestown (NJ) High School coven said, “Ditto.”

Today -100: September 20, 1910: Of campaigning and cholera

Woodrow Wilson will confine his campaigning to a single speech in each county in New Jersey.

NYC Mayor William Jay Gaynor, in a letter to this sister which she gave to the NY Evening Post, accuses the opposition press (i.e., the Hearst press) of being responsible for his assassination by lying about what he said when he refused to ban movies of the Johnson-Jeffries fight (although he’s been avoiding reading or hearing anything about the shooting, and doesn’t even know the name of his assassin). The letter gives an extraordinarily detailed account of the sensations of being shot in the throat.

The cholera epidemic in Naples is over, according to the best scientific measure of the time: the blood of St. Januarius liquefied “in the presence of a great multitude.”

Does Queen Sarah of the Morlocks know about this?

One of the soldiers arrested for the sport-killing of Afghan civilians: Cpl. Jeremy Morlock of Wasilla, Alaska.

Today -100: September 18, 1910: Of floggings, nations of madmen, and typical politics in Texas and Illinois

The NYT editorializes against public floggings (a deputy marshal recently refused to permit the flogging in Alaska of 4 Japanese convicted of illegal fishing). Flogging is still used in Delaware against tramps, confidence men, thieves, highwaymen and disorderly persons. I guess that was before Delaware became the hq of all those credit card companies.

Famous British psychiatrist Forbes Winslow (who once offered to catch Jack the Ripper but Scotland Yard said no thanks) says in his memoirs that insanity is rising and “By a simple arithmetical calculation can be shown the exact year when there will be more insane persons in the world than sane. We in England are gradually approaching, with the decadence of our youth, a near proximity to a nation of madmen.” Did no one think to ask him what the “exact year when there will be more insane persons in the world than sane” was? That seems like important information to have.

Judicial temperament, Texas style: one candidate for the office of judge of Guadalupe County shoots a rival candidate.

The Illinois primaries were marked by a great deal of vote-buying (quel surprise), but it seems that while selling one’s vote is illegal in the state, bribing a voter is not.

Today -100: September 17, 1910: Of slanderers, cholera, borders, and suspicious persons

The NYT welcomes the nomination of Woodrow Wilson, seeing it as another sign of the reformism that is originating at the state level. States are “proving their independence and self-sustaining powers. And they are shaming the slanderer [that would be Teddy Roosevelt] who has walked up and down this land proclaiming their weakness and his all-sufficient powers to rescue them from perdition.”

The cholera epidemic in Russia has caused 83,613 deaths so far.

The US is building a 1,000-mile barbed wire fence along the border with Mexico. The NYT says there should be one along the Canadian border as well, to prevent all the smuggling generated by Taft’s tariffs.

F.P. Greve and wife Elsie, German nationals who live in NYC, were arrested as “suspicious persons” in Pittsburg because she was wearing men’s clothing (I think that just means trousers) and smoking while strolling down 5th Avenue. They were later released (after threatening to call the German ambassador) and issued a letter saying that they were all right and that she was wearing the clothes only to keep up with her husband’s walking speed.

Caption contest

The pope is visiting the UK, which he says is under the control of “atheist extremism” and “aggressive forms of secularism”, just like the Nazis, and he met the Queen of the Godless. And the Duke of Edinburgh, who probably exchanged wog jokes with him.

So what did they say?



The pope told the British press that pedophilia, which he did so much to cover up, is an illness which robs people of their free will. So that’s all right then. He said that his priority is to help the victims (not the priests, victims though they are of this horrible free-will-robbing illness) recover and “rediscover too their faith in the message of Christ.” Don’t know why he thinks they lost it; they weren’t the ones raping children, they were the children being raped.

Today -100: September 16, 1910: Of free candidates, drop-outs, and patronage

Woodrow Wilson, accepting the Democratic nomination for governor of New Jersey (offered by a party convention; no primaries in NJ), emphasizes that “I did not seek this nomination. It has come to me absolutely unsolicited” and that he has made no pledges or promises and is a “free candidate.”

Pres. Taft’s daughter Helen drops out of Bryn Mawr. No reason is given, but I can reveal that the reason is that her mother (also named Helen) had a stroke; I don’t believe the public knew of this. In a couple of years she’ll go back to Bryn Mawr to finish her BA, earn a doctorate in history at Yale, return to Bryn Mawr as a professor, eventually becoming head of the history department and dean.

The NYT claims that Taft has told friends, “I am not thinking of 1912; in fact, I don’t know that I care for a renomination. From the way things are drifting it may be that no Republican can be elected, save possibly one.” No points for guessing who that might be.

A letter is going around, supposedly written by Taft’s secretary, saying that while in the past Taft withheld patronage (post office and customs jobs, that sort of thing) from Republican insurgents in Congress in an attempt to coerce their votes for his legislative aims, the success of the insurgents in primaries and conventions has led him to reverse himself and he will in future grant patronage to all Republican congresscritters of whatever faction.

Today -100: September 15, 1910: Of zeppelins and Jesuits

The Zeppelin VI. explodes on the ground in Germany after 34 passenger trips. Injuries among the ground crew but no fatalities. Still, oh the humanity, eh? It was capable of reaching speeds up to 38 mph. I’ve lost track of how many dirigible accidents have been reported this year, but it’s a lot.

Portugal expels Jesuits (I’m unclear on whether this is all Jesuits in the country, or just one monastery.)

Mrs. Alice Stebbins Wells,
a former settlement worker, gets a new job: first policewoman in L.A. (and near as anyone can tell, the US). “I suppose my chief concern will be with young girls venturing into unsafe places,” Officer Wells said. She had a male officer as a “chaperon” and no gun.

Rogue virginity testers

Opening Sentence of a News Article of the Day: “Any event featuring Jacob Zuma, virginity tests and more than 25,000 bare-breasted maidens dancing for a polygamous king is unlikely to pass entirely without incident.”

Goodwill Zwelithini, the aforementioned polygamous king of the Zulus, “condemned ‘rogue’ virginity testers” and complained about pictures of the virginity-test-a-palooza showing up on the internet: “I was shocked when I received these pictures on my website. I have no doubt these pictures are going to be used to attack this solemn culture of ours. This is a very important tradition and culture and needs to be conducted with dignity and respect without abusing and violating the dignity and privacy of the maidens.” Because nothing says dignity and privacy like mass public inspection of genitalia.

Strategery

The Republicans want a chance to vote to make the Bush tax cuts permanent for all Americans, not just the non-rich. I say give it to them. Two bills. First up, a bill extending the tax cut for those earning over $250,000, then one for the rest. Everyone’s happy. If the R’s want to vote against the 2nd bill after the 1st one fails, let ‘em.

Today -100: September 14, 1910: Of mindless partisanship, primaries, and ears in bottles

The NYT is not happy at all with the divided state of the Republican Party and blames Teddy Roosevelt, who “has detached a great part of the Republicans from their old faith and their old leaders, he has filled their minds and hearts with a romantic, unreasoning, unquestioning faith in himself and in what he preaches.” The Times harkens back nostalgically to the good ol’ days of unreasoning, unquestioning party loyalty.

In the New York primaries, women suffragists acting as poll-observers in NYC were arrested, were promptly released by magistrates, and returned to their posts.

The story refers to a “Democratic polling place.” Evidently the parties voted separately. Quite possibly the primaries were organized by the parties, not the state.

Headline of the Day -100: “Ear in a Bottle as a Death Threat.” Labor conflicts were so much more... colorful... back then.

Thus scotching rumors on Fox that he was rooting for the Mooslim team

The White House website reports on a phone call:

The President called Prime Minister Erdogan of Turkey just as the 2010 FIBA World Basketball Championship final game between the United States and Turkey was getting underway in Istanbul. The President congratulated the Prime Minister on the fact that Turkey has hosted an outstanding tournament. The President said he is rooting for the American team but that whoever wins both teams have played great basketball. The President also acknowledged the vibrancy of Turkey’s democracy as reflected in the turnout for the referendum that took place across Turkey today.

What a stimulating conversationalist (well, monologist, since Erdogan doesn’t seem to have gotten in a word edgewise) Obama is.

Today -100: September 13, 1910: Of Arkansas and Maine

Arizona may not after all be going Republican out of sheer gratitude for being given statehood, as Taft had assumed would happen. Dems win a majority of delegates (at least 36 out of 52) to the Constitutional Convention, pledging to include powers of initiative and referendum and recall, direct primaries and popular election of US senators.

For some reason Maine had its elections yesterday rather than in November. Democrats also sweep the Maine elections (governor, both houses of the Legislature, congresscritters), which is widely thought to be one of the signs of the apocalypse. Some of this is the result of the Rooseveltian revolt against the Republican Old Guard, some of it a reaction to the state government’s imposition of prohibition on localities that didn’t want it. The new governor-elect, Frederick Plaisted, is the son of Harris Plaisted, the last Democratic governor (1881-3). The new Legislature will elect the state’s first Dem senator since 1863 – and New England’s first since the late 1870s.

Terrorists really need a better retirement plan

An Israeli tank fired into Gaza, killing three “terrorists,” one of them 91 years old.

Today -100: September 12, 1910: Of alchemy

Headline of the Day -100: “Home of Alchemist Seized by Sheriff.”

Nicaraguan “president” Estrada suggests postponing presidential elections for a year.

Today -100: September 11, 1910: Of quitting, communion, and natural gas

Tennessee Governor Malcolm Patterson, in political trouble since pardoning the murderer of a former US senator (and 151 other murderers as well), decides not to run for re-election, with a large section of his Democratic Party threatening to go for a Republican – any Republican – rather than continue to be embarrassed by him. His announcement comes rather close to the general election.

In its fight with France’s public schools, the Vatican has decreed that first communion for French children will take place at age 7, i.e., before the school system has time to do its secularizing work. French Catholics are resisting doing it that early.

Conversationalist of the Day -100: NYT headline: “C.P. Taft in London. Declines to Talk about Anything but Natural Gas.” The president’s half-brother.

Obama press conference: That means that people are frustrated and that means people are angry

I made the mistake of setting the DVR to record this on a local channel, where it’s all Holy-shit-San-Bruno-Is-On-Fire all the time. And by the way, fuck PG&E.

Transcript.

DIGGING AND GROWING. WHY DOES EVERY PRESIDENT TALKING ABOUT THE ECONOMY SOUND LIKE CHANCE THE GARDENER? “I just want to talk a little bit about our continuing efforts to dig ourselves out of this recession and to grow our economy.”

SEE, IT’S A SIX-YEAR PLAN BECAUSE IF IT WERE A FIVE-YEAR PLAN WE’D ALL KNOW HE WAS FLAT OUT BEING A COMMUNIST AGAIN: “We also announced a six-year plan to rebuild America’s roads and railways and runways.”

PLENTY OF ISSUES, YES; PLENTY OF PEOPLE OF GOOD FAITH, NOT SO MUCH: “I realize there are plenty of issues in Washington where people of good faith simply disagree on principle.”


WHAT HE UNDERSTANDS: “I understand there’s an election coming up. But the American people didn’t send us here to think about our jobs.” We sent them there to think about Ground Zero Mosques, right?

NAME OF THE DAY: His new chair of the Council of Economic Advisers: Austan Goolsbee. Hi-larious.

“If the election is about the policies that are going to move us forward versus the policies that will get us back into a mess, then I think the Democrats will do very well.” He thinks there could be an election that’s about policies? That’s so adorable!

A DIFFERENT ECONOMIC PHILOSOPHY? IT’S SOCIALISM, ISN’T IT? “And I ran because I felt that we had to have a different economic philosophy in order to grow that middle class and grow our economy over the long term.”

ALSO DOPEY, GRUMPY, SLEEPY... “Now, for all the progress we’ve made, we’re not there yet. And that means that people are frustrated and that means people are angry.”


THAT’S NOT A TUNE, THAT’S A WHOLE FUCKING SYMPHONY: “what I’ve got is the Republicans holding middle-class tax relief hostage because they’re insisting we’ve got to give tax relief to millionaires and billionaires to the tune of about $100,000 per millionaire”.

“And if the Republican leadership is prepared to get serious about doing something for families that are hurting out there, I would love to talk to them.” He thinks the Republican leadership could be prepared to get serious about doing something for families that are hurting out there? Just SO fucking adorable!

NO, THE QUESTION IS, WHY NOT? “Why hold the middle class hostage in order to do something that most economists don’t think makes sense?”

WHAT REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS USUALLY AGREE ON: “usually, Republicans and Democrats agree on infrastructure.”

Asked why he won’t just name Elizabeth Warren to the consumer protection agency, he decided to keep her hanging a while longer and also to undercut her publicly with, well I’d say faint praise but there isn’t any actual praise in here at all: “She’s a dear friend of mine. She’s somebody I’ve known since I was in law school. And I have been in conversations with her. She is a tremendous advocate for this idea.”

WHAT ONE OF THE THINGS HE MOST ADMIRED ABOUT BUSH WAS: “One of the things that I most admired about President Bush was after 9/11, him being crystal-clear about the fact that we were not at war with Islam.” And crystal-clear about the US not torturing people. And crystal-clear about there being WMDs in Iraq. Bush was “crystal-clear” about a lot of shit, is what I’m saying. A lot of shit.

HE’S THE REMINDERER: “And I will do everything that I can as long as I am President of the United States to remind the American people that we are one nation under God, and we may call that God different names but we remain one nation.” Also, fuck you, atheists.


ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T MEAN YOUR SECRET MUSLIM FAITH? “And as somebody who relies heavily on my Christian faith in my job, I understand the passions that religious faith can raise.” So subtle about slipping in the reference to being Christian. So subtle.

WHAT HE DOESN’T WANT ANYBODY OUT THERE THINKING: “And I don’t want anybody out there thinking that it’s [Middle East peace] going to be easy.

Asked about Terry Jones, he referred to him as “the individual down in Florida,” “this individual” and “one individual in Florida”. This could be because 1) he’s trying to emphasize that Jones has almost no followers, 2) he’s forgotten his name, 3) he can never remember which one is Terry Jones and which one is Michael Palin.

INDIAN HUTS, WITCHES, AND CROSSES ON BLACK PEOPLE’S LAWNS, MAYBE, BUT NOT SACRED TEXTS: “The idea that we would burn the sacred texts of someone else’s religion is contrary to what this country stands for.”

UNLESS BY ATTENTION YOU MEAN BEING CALLED OUT IN A PRESS CONFERENCE BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: “And although this may be one individual in Florida, part of my concern is to make sure that we don’t start having a whole bunch of folks all across the country think this is the way to get attention.”


WHAT HE’S CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT: “And so I am constantly thinking about how do we create ladders for communities and individuals to climb into the middle class.” Ladder factories?

See if you can guess what country Obama is referring to here: “It has a multiethnic population that mistrusts, oftentimes, each other. And it doesn’t have a tradition of a strong, central government.” If you guessed the United States, you were probably listening to the earlier part of the presser when he was begging for the Republicans to stop grinding our central government to a halt, but he’s actually talking about Afghanistan.

Asked about dealing with corrupt officials in Afghanistan (that is, officials in Afghanistan): “the only way that you are going to have a stable government over the long term is if the Afghan people feel that you’re looking out for them. And that means making sure that the tradition of corruption in the government is reduced.” Way to set goals.

“And we’ve made progress on some of those fronts. I mean, when it comes to corruption, I’ll just give you an example. Four years ago, 11 judges in the Afghan legal system were indicted for corruption. This year, 86 were indicted for corruption.” Well I know that reassures me. Doesn’t that reassure you?

AND BY “MADE COMPROMISES,” HE MEANS “PAID MASSIVE BRIBES TO”: “Are there going to be occasions where we look and see that some of our folks on the ground have made compromises with people who are known to have engaged in corruption?

AND BY “A WINK AND A NOD,” HE MEANS “PAID MASSIVE BRIBES TO”: “Let’s make sure that our efforts there are not seen as somehow giving a wink and a nod to corruption.”

On trials of alleged terrorists: “there are going to be circumstances where a military tribunal may be appropriate... there may be situations in which somebody was captured in theater, is now in Guantanamo. It’s very hard to piece together a chain of evidence that would meet some of the evidentiary standards that would be required in an Article III court. But we know that this person is guilty; there’s sufficient evidence to bring about a conviction.” Just not in a real court. But it’s okay because we “know” this person is guilty.


STILL TO THIS DAY: “Al Qaeda operatives still cite Guantanamo as a justification for attacks against the United States. Still to this day.” That might be because Guantanamo is still in the indefinite-detention-without-trial business. Still to this day.

What about capturing Osama bin Laden? “we have the best minds, the best intelligence officers, the best special forces, who are thinking about this day and night. And they will continue to think about it day and night as long as I’m president.” Because on his last day in office, we still won’t have captured bin Laden, is what he’s saying.

Finally, he made a fairly strong defense of the “Ground Zero Mosque.” “And what that means is that if you could build a church on a site, you could build a synagogue on a site, if you could build a Hindu temple on a site, then you should be able to build a mosque on the site.” In fact, you could build a church on top of a synagogue on top of a Hindu temple on top of a mosque on top of a Burlington Coat Factory.


“we’ve got millions of Muslim Americans, our fellow citizens, in this country. They’re going to school with our kids. They’re our neighbors. They’re our friends. They’re our coworkers. And when we start acting as if their religion is somehow offensive, what are we saying to them?”

What indeed.

Today -100: September 10, 1910: Of bribery

Ill. State Rep. Lee O’Neil Browne is acquitted for his role in the bribery of the state legislature to elect William Lorimer to the US Senate. Oddly, Browne is a Democrat and Lorimer a Republican. This was Browne’s second trial; the first resulted in a hung jury and hints of jury tampering.

Today -100: September 9, 1910: Of bribery, imperialism, the negro franchise, and perpetual motion

Teddy Roosevelt bans Sen. William Lorimer, whose seat was purchased by bribery, from a banquet in his honor at the (Republican) Hamilton Club in Chicago. In his speech TR accuses the Illinois Legislature of “the foulest and basest corruption, and, therefore, of the most infamous treason to American institutions.” It’s funny because it’s true.

The US chargé d’affaires in Panama, Richard Marsh, threatens the Panama Assembly and government that if they “persistently refuse to accede to the clear wishes of the American Government” by, for example, the Assembly electing the candidate of its own choosing and not that of the United States to fill the remainder of the term of the late president, then the US “can only adopt such means to prevent such opposition in the future as occupation and annexation.” The NYT says this statement has “created a sensation” in Panama.

Since the NYT devotes only 55 words to this story, I might as well give it verbatim: “The lower House of the Texas Legislature to-day, by a vote of 51 to 34, instructed Senators and Congressmen to work for the repeal of the Fourteenth Amendment to the Federation Constitution, conferring franchise upon negroes.” Presumably they mean the 15th Amendment.

David Hacker, a NYC tailor, is building a dirigible which will run by perpetual motion. And a bicycle. A combination of bicycle and perpetual motion. The article’s end is priceless:

“I’m going to Washington first to call on President Taft, and any twenty persons [the airship’s capacity] who want to go with me will be welcome. After that I’m going to establish a transoceanic service with other ships like this first one.”

Hacker’s friends say he is a good tailor.

Not trying to avoid embarrassment or escape scrutiny

The 9th Circuit rules 6-5 that the Obama administration can keep victims of Bush’s extraordinary rendition and torture policies out of court by calling those policies “state secrets,” but the majority is pretty sure “that the government is not invoking the privilege to avoid embarrassment or to escape scrutiny of its recent controversial transfer and interrogation policies.” So that’s okay then.

Really, who would even have the nerve to impute that a government that kidnapped people and sent them to Morocco to be tortured was trying to avoid embarrassment or escape scrutiny?

The majority wept crocodile tears over the tough job it had: “This state requires us to address the difficult balance the state secrets doctrine strikes between fundamental principles of our liberty, including justice, transparency, accountability and national security.” And then they tossed out liberty, justice, transparency and accountability. Balance achieved.

By the way, to those smartypants who point out that there is no mention of a “state secrets doctrine” in the Constitution, that’s because it’s a state secret. Duh.

Unpleasant consequences

After anti-war protesters threw eggs and shoes at him in Dublin, Tony Blair cancels a second book-signing event so as not to “put our guests through the unpleasant consequences of the actions of demonstrators.” Still no second thoughts about putting Iraqis through the unpleasant consequences of his actions.

Today -100: September 8, 1910: Roosevelt & La Follette

TR, in Wisconsin, criticizes a scheme by Republican Old Guardists to ignore the results of the (advisory) primaries and have the Legislature elect someone other than Robert La Follette to the US Senate.

Today -100: September 7, 1910: As goes Vermont

Republicans sweep the elections for state offices in Vermont. Evidently they didn’t wait for November. But the Republican majority is only 2:1, which is considered a bad omen for Republicans nation-wide (“As goes Vermont...”). In other states, primaries are going on, and progressive/insurgent Republicans are generally trouncing Old Guard Republicans. The party convention in California rejects a plank endorsing Taft.

Argh

Yesterday I saw a pirate flag (not this one) on its side


and realized it looked an awful lot like the letters X E, the new name of Blackwater. Coincidence?

Things That Look Like Other Things in the News

Pictures from that great almost-newspaper, The Daily Telegraph.


Yes, that is of course Jesus Christ on a telephone poll in Louisiana.

The Basque separatist group ETA (Euskadi Ta Askatasuna) declares a ceasefire, but Spain says no thanks. This is what ETA declaring a ceasefire looks like.


Some Catholics in France are complaining that Muslims are “calmly taking possession of our churches with the complicity of the Catholic authorities.” By which they mean that one of the new gargoyles on a 12th-century cathedral in Lyons was made to resemble a foreman on the restoration project – who happens to be Muslim.


The record for “fastest furniture” was broken this weekend (but is there footage on YouTube? No there is not) by Perry Watkins and his nitrous-powered Queen Anne table with silver dinner service (113 mph).


Clive Williams, a retired electrical engineer in Henley-on-Thames, has discovered in his garden a carrot that looks exactly like Buzz Lightyear.


And here’s a Tom Toles cartoon.

Today -100: September 6, 1910: Of radium, rights, and baby parades

Marie Curie obtains pure radium.

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO A PHONE CALL: NYC Police Commissioner Baker orders that people under arrest have a right to send a message or have someone notified by telephone without charge. In the past, cops have extracted graft for providing this service.

Headline of the Day -100: “Stabbed, He Falls Before Baby Parade.”

Paul Conrad

Political cartooning is something of a dying art these days, but Paul Conrad was one of the best, earning himself a proud place on Nixon’s enemies list and provoking Nancy Reagan into calling Conrad’s publisher at the LA Times every day when Ronnie was governor until he stopped taking her calls. Paul Conrad, dead at 86.

Pep talk of the day

Those Andean plane crash survivors tell the trapped Chilean miners hey at least you don’t have to eat each other.

Today -100: September 4, 1910: Of trolleys and figs

The Columbus, Ohio trolley company gets a temporary injunction forbidding the striking Association of Street Car Men handing out printed manner warning people not to ride the trolleys, picketing stations or stopping points, or intimidating employees.

In Bari, Italy, a mob of 2,000, displeased by an ordinance prohibiting the eating of figs because of a cholera scare, wreck the local sanitation office and beat up the employees.

Figs?

64,000 Russians have died during the current cholera outbreak. Russians must eat a lot of figs, or something.

I want to support what is the outcome that the parties can agree to

Today Secretary of State Clinton was interviewed jointly by Israeli and Palestinian tv.

AND BY ASSOCIATED, YOU MEAN THAT YOU WERE MARRIED TO THE PRESIDENT: “And I think I’m the first person ever associated with an American administration who called for a Palestinian state as a way to realize the two-state solution.”

WHAT’S CLEAR TO HILLARY: “It’s clear to me that the forces of growth and positive energy are in a conflict with the forces of destruction and negativity.” “Forces of growth and positive energy.” That’s good rhetoric, Hills, because if Muslims and Jews can find common ground on anything, it’s that spacey new age talk like that is annoying.

WHAT HILLARY CANNOT DO: “Now, I will be the first to tell you it is very difficult. I cannot change history. I cannot take an eraser to the history books and change everything that has happened between you for so many years.” For example, while some Palestinians might wish to erase the Jews, Hillary would want to erase just one Jew, named Monica.

WHAT WE GOT: “And from [Israelis’] perspective, and one of the reasons for the skepticism in Israel, is we pulled out of Lebanon, we got Hezbollah, we pulled out of Gaza, we got Hamas.” Straight out of the Likud handbook, that line.

But it gets worse:

“So I think that Iran is a serious problem. I’m the first to tell you that.” Funny, I thought Iran was a country. “It’s a problem not just for the United States. It’s a problem for the entire region, because more than anyone, you see the results. I mean, Hamas is not only attacking Israelis; Hamas has been brutal to the people in Gaza in so many ways over the last years.” Hamas = Iran.

NO ONE DESERVES A FUTURE IN TORONTO OR CHICAGO: “I’m hoping that the leadership will be willing to try one more time and to be willing to do the hard work of making peace, because these young people – they deserve to have a future in Ramallah or Jericho, not in Toronto or Chicago.”

Asked, presumably by the Israeli reporter, why she had changed her mind since Candidate Hillary said that Jerusalem was the undivided capital of Israel: “I want to support what is the outcome that the parties can agree to.”

Just remember where they’ve been

The chief rabbi of Britain refuted Stephen Hawking’s proof of the non-existence of God. But he did it behind the Times’s paywall, which means that you live in a cold, purposeless, chaotic universe unless you pay Rupert Murdoch.

Fortunately for those of living outside the paywall we still have the Daily Telegraph, which today introduces us to the world’s biggest potato. Those of us outside Murdoch’s praywall will just have to worship it as our new god:


Headline of the Day: “JM Barrie in Clear over Dead Babies Found in Trunk.” Turns out the trunk was owned by a nurse named Janet M. Barrie, and not by the author of Peter Pan.

Make-Over of the Day: “Phone Box Turned into Lavatory.” When was the last time you saw a phone box that hadn’t been turned into a lavatory?

Finally, some nurses at an NHS hospital in Milton Keynes do a rap about washing your hands (the rap begins at 0:58). “Even if your hands look clean / Just remember where they’ve been.” So sad, so very sad.

Today -100: September 3, 1910: Of Marines, new nationalisms, and lynchings

The American Marines in Nicaragua, having succeeded in preventing the Madriz government taking the port of Bluefields and thereby playing a small-to-medium role in Madriz’s downfall, are being withdrawn.

Taft leaks, or someone leaks on his behalf, that parts of TR’s “new nationalism” sounds unconstitutional to him. In particular, a federal child (and women) labor law and a workmen’s compensation act would infringe, Taft thinks, on the powers of the states.

Taft does not plan to do any campaigning on behalf of Republican candidates this fall. Back then, it just wasn’t done.

A mob in Graceville, Florida lynches a black man and woman believed to have shot a cop trying to arrest the man for stealing a watch. They were seized from the town jail and hanged from a trestle.

A NYT editorial tries to explain the feminist opposition to the city’s new Night Court for women without quite explaining what they object to, which is “to the systematic examination to which women of a certain class are to be subjected to in court, though its object is clearly humane and in the interest of public health and morals.” If I’m reading this correctly, prostitutes are being forced to undergo medical examinations of their naughty bits.

Today -100: September 2, 1910: Of gambling, women in court, lynchings, and reviews

New York bans all betting, whether “orally or otherwise.” The bill was originally aimed just at racing, but amendments got out of hand. The racing season was just aborted prematurely, before this law came into effect.

NYC opens a separate Women’s Night Court. Feminists are organizing against it.

A negro is lynched in Jackson Crossing, Mississippi. A crowd of 2,000 participates.

Headline: “Kaiser Reviews 30,000 Men.” Boy, everyone’s a critic.

Boxer-Fiorina California US Senate debate: I want to see the words “made in America” again

Tonight Barbara Boxer and Carly Fiorina debated for the California Senate seat (flawed transcript).

Carly: “But I think our founding fathers intended for ours to be an elected government.”

Boxer: “When she was CEO of Hewlett Packard, before she was terminated, actually, she shipped 30,000 jobs overseas. Think of it. That’s the size of Foster City.” On the other hand if she’d actually shipped Foster City overseas, would anyone have noticed?


Boxer: “I want to see the words ‘made in America’ again.”

Carly-cakes: “She voted against body armor.”

F: “Senator boxer has vilified the people of Arizona, even though the federal government isn’t doing its job.”

F: “she is also for big government and elite, extreme environmental groups.”


B: “And I have a record which won me an award from doctors who were trying to find out better treatments for burn victims.” What would such an award be named? The Burny? The Crispy?

Boxer: “So I love the military. In a very personal way.”

Questions from viewers. A Mr. Tim Tam, if that is his real name, asks, “Senator boxer, you have been staying in the office three terms. Why don’t you let other people try?”

B: “I don’t think we need those Wall Street values right now.”

F: “The truth is that California has higher-than-average unemployment rate because we are destroying jobs and others are fighting harder for our jobs. Texas is fighting harder for our jobs. So is North Carolina, Brazil, Guatemala, China, India, Russia, Poland. I know precisely why those jobs go. And I’ll tell you why. Because China for example, like Texas, like Brazil, gives companies huge tax credits. They help them cult through reg -- cut through regulation.” Fiorina’s new slogan: culting through regulation.


F: “And frankly, I don’t think there are enough people in Washington who understand why private sector jobs are important.”

SF Chronicle reporter Carla Marenucci asked Boxer about the most important moment in recent California political history, when Boxer asked Gen. Michael Walsh to call her senator rather than ma’am. Boxer says she called him general. Evidently after the scandalous event in question, she called the general and asked if she should apologize for upsetting him and he said no.

Fee-fi-fo-orina said it was just a shame that Boxer is using Hewlett Packard, “a treasure of California,” as a political football.

Asked if she ever disagreed with her boyfriend Obama on anything, Boxer said we need an exit strategy in Afghanistan and he should appoint Elizabeth Warren, right now.

Carly says she is pro-life because “My husband’s mother was told to abort him” because of health concerns, but “She lived a ripe old age to 98.” So clearly, as that anecdote demonstrates, nobody needs abortion rights.

Carly says Boxer “said that she doesn’t think a baby has rights until it leaves the hospital.” (In 1999, and she said no such thing. It was in a debate with Rick Santorum. She said she’d had 2 children, Little Ricky said he’s had 6, she said, no your wife had 6, he said no we both did, “That’s the way we do things in our family.”)

Fiorina says she’d overturn Roe v. Wade “If there were an opportunity. It’s not something I’m running on.”

F. keeps saying Boxer has sponsored only four successful bills in her Senate career. Eventually, Boxer notes that the way Fiorina is counting, neither McCain nor Feingold would get credit for McCain-Feingold.

F: “Recovery summer has become the summer of despair in California.”

F. seems to support Prop. 23 (to kill state global warming legislation), although she also refuses to take an explicit position, because “The only way to impact global warming is to act globally. A state acting alone will make no difference.”

B. says if you support Prop. 23, “China takes the lead away from us with solar. That Germany takes the lead from us with wind.” Heaven forfend Germany take the lead from us with wind. “But I guess my opponent is kind of used to creating jobs in China and other places.”


F: “I think it’s crystal clear that we have loads of laws.” So we should all be allowed to have assault weapons.

Today -100: September 1, 1910: Of exploding trolleys, legal fictions, new nationalisms, and fat tsars

Another trolley is blown up in Columbus, and there is a threat to turn the trolley strike into a general strike if it is not resolved in 72 hours.

Woodrow Wilson, speaking to the American Bar Association’s annual convention, says that the “fatuous, antiquated, and quite unnecessary fiction” that corporations are legal persons should be abandoned. When they do wrong, their directors should be punished, not their shareholders. Society “cannot afford to let its strongest men be the only men who are inaccessible to the law.”

And Teddy Roosevelt makes exactly the same point – “officers, and, especially, the directors, of corporations should be held personally responsible when any corporation breaks the law” – in a speech at the John Brown Celebration in Osawatomie, Kansas which marked his first use of the term “new nationalism,” which would feature in his 1912 presidential campaign, and which meant a much stronger president, capable of overriding “local selfishness,” Congress, corporations etc in the national interest. He also called for a progressive income tax and a progressive inheritance tax on large corporations, and said, “There can be no effective control of corporations while their political activity remains.”


Headline and Scoop of the Day -100: “Czar Growing Stouter.”