Self-criticism

Bush’s latest war-selling speech, which, despite being billed as one of three speeches that’ll really convince the American people what a great idea this war was, and still is because we’re winning it, you know, is just like every other speech he’s given on the subject, but with an extra section on IEDs.

He’s against them.

I meant to blog this when I read it, and now I can’t remember where I read it, but in China, where party members and others are required to write periodic self-criticisms, many are now swiping them off the internet. There’s probably a moral in there, somewhere.

What would Bush do if he had to make a self-criticism?

Optimistic

The abortion issue really makes the antis feel okay with expressing their normally better-hidden contempt for women. SD state Rep. Roger Hunt, for example, said that the SD law didn’t provide for the prosecution of women who have abortions because “the woman may be getting so much pressure she’s not thinking clearly,” while the doctor “should be operating in a calm and collected manner, have identified all the risks to the woman; he’s counseling the woman. We think it’s appropriate to place a greater burden upon the doctor.” You will have noticed which gender Hunt assumes the doctor belongs to, because the boys become doctors and the girls become... incubators.

Speaking of condescending attitudes towards your citizens, China’s Supreme People’s Court votes to retain capital punishment because, they say, China has a low level of socialist development, and much of the population supports an eye for an eye (of course, a pretty good percentage of death sentences are for non-violent crimes such as corruption). But appeals court cases involving the death penalty will, so they say, henceforth be held in open court.

Bush met the prime minister of Slovakia today. Big, big news event, as you can imagine. Here’s Reuters’ take: “Bush Challenges Slovak Leader to Foot Race” (Dzurinda has a broken leg from a skiing accident). And Bush has basically stopped changing the statement he makes whenever he meets some national leader, in the same way that he can never meet a mayor without advising him to “fix the potholes” (that one never gets old):

Thank you for coming. I always enjoy being with you because you’re an optimistic, upbeat believer in the people of your country and the possibilities to work together to achieve peace. And so thanks for coming.

Speaking of optimistic, Bush said Saturday about Iraq: “I’m optimistic that the leadership recognizes that sectarian violence will undermine the capacity for them to self-govern.” So a civil war would make governing more difficult, huh? You’ve really got that post-presidential teaching gig at the Harvard School of Government nailed down, don’t you, oh master of the fucking obvious?

Robert Parry says of Bush’s aforementioned optimism about Iraq, “For Bush, the Iraq glass is always one-tenth full, not nine-tenths empty.”

The jealousy is palpable

Suicide bombers tried to assassinate current Afghan senate head and former president Sibghatullah Mujaddedi (say that ten times fast). Karzai says, “The attack shows enemies of Afghanistan are jealous of its peace and stability.” Yes, I’m sure everyone is jealous of the peace and stability of... Afghanistan.

Milosevic died of “heart failure.” Nope, nope, I just can’t think of a single sarcastic thing to say about that.

Katherine Harris may pull out of the Florida Senate race this week. She says, “I will continue to look to our Founding Fathers, who pursued their vision with integrity and perseverance”. She doesn’t mean Washington and Jefferson and that lot, she means Florida’s Founding Fathers, the real estate swindlers who sold swamp land to unsuspecting investors.

We face an enemy that will use explosive devices in order to shake our will

WaPo headline: “Crusader for Serb Honor Was Defiant Until the End.” Yeah, that was Milosevic all over: genocide with honor.

On Claude Allen’s criminal activity (theft through fraud, or some such term, not actually shoplifting, as many lazy media outlets are terming it), Scottie McClellan had this to say: “If it is true, no one would be more shocked and more outraged than the president.” And Bush himself: “When I heard the story last night I was shocked.” Let’s all say it together, shall we: No one could have anticipated...

In order to appear more engaged with the war in Iraq, Bush made a big deal of being briefed by the Joint Improvised Explosive Device Defeat Task Force, and then holding a press conference to say that he had just been briefed by the Joint Improvised Explosive Device Defeat Task Force (“We face an enemy that will use explosive devices in order to shake our will”). Sadly, though, this is George W. Bush trying to appear engaged:












Cheney looks so glum, like a man who’s just realized that he could have blown up Harry Whittington with an IED instead of shooting him in the face, and he wouldn’t even have had to get out of the car:

Have you checked all your pockets?

Bush said today, “I know we’re going to succeed [in Iraq] if we don’t lose our will.”

As Swopa of Needlenose points out in comments on my last post, Bolivian President Morales punked, as the kids say, Condi, presenting her with a charango (Andean stringed instrument) with coca-leaf inlay.


Needlenose has a caption contest. Wonder what Morales was on when he came up with the idea of pulling a practical joke on a woman with no sense of humor. Probably the same substance that inspired land-locked Bolivia to establish a navy.

A NYT editorial Wednesday had a rather good headline. About the innocent people incarcerated in Guantanamo, it was called “They Came for the Chicken Farmer.”

Vicious turd Slobodan Milosevic has died. Unlike, say, Hitler, it was never clear that Milosevic actually believed in the racist aggressive nationalism he utilized after the Communist Party of Yugoslavia ceased to provide a viable career path. Is that better or worse?

Some more personals from the London Review of Books (LRB). As always, the complete collection of my favorites is available here.

The uncomfortable mantle of guilt, the heavy cloak of ignominy, the coarse socks of denial, the iridescent trousers of doubt, the belligerent underpants of self-loathing. All worn by the haberdasher of shame (M, 34, Pembs.). Seeks woman in possession of the Easy-Up iron-on hem of redemption and some knowledge of workaday delicates. No loons. Box no. 05.06

146 is not only my IQ but also my waist size in centimetres. Lecturer in advanced maths and Mensa bore, 51. Bit of a porker but willing to low-carb for at least a fortnight for the right woman (pastry chef and trigonometry fetishist to 50). Box no. 05/09

I know more languages than the advertiser above. And I’ve been to jail fewer times. In his favour, I guess his mother doesn’t make his lovers sign a guestbook on their way out but two out of three ain’t bad, to quote both Meatloaf and my solicitor. Man, 45. Box no. 05/12

The actual advertiser above that one:

In the circus of life, I’m its very willing clown. You probably serve donuts in a kiosk outside. We could never have any life together, but sometimes a clown just needs donuts. Possibly coffee. Clown (M, 51), seeks F donut seller for donuts, possibly coffee. Box no. 05/11

This column is a ziggurat of heartache and I am its High Priest. Pork Belly-Eating Champion, Stroud, 1981 (M, 47). Box no. 04/06

Male otolarynologist (39) seeks woman with normal-shaped head. Box no. 04/07

To some, I am a world of temptation. To others, I’m just another cross-dressing pharmacist. M, 41. Box no. 04/08

What is your favourite preserved body part? Mine is the diseased bladder of Italian biologist, Lazzaro Spallanzani (currently on display in the Scarpa Room in the University of Pavia). This, and many more conversation killers available from librarian and failed travel agent F, 32, Northampton. Box no. 04/10

I’ve been using Vicks Vaporub for two years solid. What do you think about that? M, 58. Box no. 04/11

During intercourse, I can list Brian Eno’s ten favourite books in reverse order. Most women, however, only let me get to number 7 (Grooming, Gossip and the Evolution of Language – Robin Fox). M, 34, WLTM woman to 35 willing to let me get to at least number 3 (The Evolution of Cooperation – Robert Axelrod). Box no. 04/12

I think that that past is now behind us

Condi Rice went to Chile to attend the swearing-in of President Michelle Bachelet, saying, “I think it’s good to remember that it’s now been almost 20 years that the United States has been a friend and supporter of Chilean democracy.” And you want credit for that? How many points do we get for not having supported a murderous coup followed by a dirty war in 30 years? As for our actual support for the coup and Pinochet dictatorship until “almost 20 years” ago, “I think that that past is now behind us.” Or possibly buried in a mass grave. Or thrown out of a helicopter, screaming, into the ocean. Three quotes from that glorious past:

• “I don’t see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people.”
• “International terrorism will take the place of human rights in our concern because it is the ultimate abuse of human rights.”
• “rightist authoritarian regimes can be transformed peacefully into democracies, but totalitarian Marxist ones cannot.”

(Kissinger, Haig, Kirkpatrick)

Bush meets the backbone of democracy

Today, Bush went to the National Newspaper Association conference. He called newspapers “the backbone of democracy.” Which is why he’s said in the past he never reads them. Someone asked which was the biggest threat to American security, Iran, North Korea, or China. He said Al Qaeda. He declared that Iran and North Korea were equal and he loves all the Axis of Evil countries equally.

Holden notes that Bush failed to answer questions about what American plans were in the oh-so-unlikely event of a civil war in Iraq, and what he thought of the South Dakotan anti-abortion law. I was going to say the same thing about a question asked of him during a Lebanese tv interview, “But so far, you’re not winning the hearts and minds of Arab people. Why not?” I suppose we should be thankful that he didn’t outright reject the premise that Arabs don’t love us, but after all this time, how can he not have a response, even a stupid soundbite, for such a basic question? Here was his answer: “Well, it’s -- there’s a lot of negative news on TV.” That’s all. Then he rambled on about terrorism being bad: “There’s a -- the enemy to democracy has got one tool, and that is the capacity and willingness to kill innocent people. And that shocks people.” So Arabs don’t heart Americans because they’re in shock? Still, for lack of credibility, it’s hard to beat this exchange:

Q Are you following the national dialogue that’s happening now in Lebanon?

THE PRESIDENT: I am.

I’m sorry I never spent more time on Claude Allen, failed Bush judicial nominee and then domestic policy adviser, since we now know he had to resign that position because he’d been caught ripping off department stores. But click here for my October 2003 post on him (the post also quotes Bush at a press conference refusing to answer a “trick question” about whether there would be fewer American troops in Iraq in a year. Some trick. Rumsfeld refused to answer the exact same question at the Senate Appropriations Committee yesterday, telling Dick Durbin he wouldn’t use Durbin’s term, “significant reduction,” because then there’d just be a debate on the meaning of the word significant, and he’d really prefer to use words that don’t actually have any meaning, like he always does).

Finally, a working link (reg./BugMeNot) to the letter to the Lancet against forcible feeding in Guantanamo, which notes that health-care workers opposed to the forcible feeding of prisoners are not allowed to work in Gitmo. The Pentagon’s response to the letter’s mention of the World Medical Association’s 1975
ban on forcibly feeding sane patients: “Professional organisation declarations by doctors, lawyers, dentists, etc. are not international treaties, therefore are nonbinding and not applicable to sovereign nation-states.” In your face, World Medical Association!

Say, do you think we could stop force-feeding in Gitmo as violating the First Amendment rights of Pentagon medical personnel? Someone call the ACLU. OK, I like the ACLU and despise the death penalty, but this (from AP) is just silly:

The American Civil Liberties Union claimed in a federal lawsuit Wednesday that California’s lethal injection protocol violates the First Amendment rights of execution witnesses by not allowing them to see if the inmate is experiencing pain before death.

Yes, I get the point: the paralyzing agent is intended to make executions look painless when they aren’t. But c’mon.

To the extent one were to occur

The Senate agrees not to take unreported free meals from lobbyists. Trent Lott is furious: “It’s totally ludicrous that we are doing this. I’ll be eating with my wife and so will a lot more senators after we pass this one.” Somehow I don’t think Mrs. Lott is too thrilled about it either.
(Update: wait, did Lott mean that a lot more senators will be eating with his wife or with their own wives?)

Rumsfeld unveiled his secret plan for Iraq: “The plan is to prevent a civil war and, to the extent one were to occur, to have the Iraqi security forces deal with it, to the extent they are able to.” For a start, it’s just good business sense. Rummy says American soldiers cost $90,000 a year to maintain abroad, while Afghan soldiers cost $11,000, Iraqis $40,000. The real problem, though, is that the enemy refuses to play fair: “These enemies cannot win a single conventional battle, so they challenge us through nontraditional asymmetric means with terror as their weapon of choice.” Right, they’re not fighting conventional warfare, and they’re also not using cavalry, they’re not marching in formation, they’re not carrying muskets. I know he had the Pentagon buy all those little plastic soldiers and was really looking forward to pushing them around a table while making “kapow” noises...

From the Indy, another in our series, Newspaper Headlines So Good That The Story is Bound to be Disappointing: “Mexico Enlists Sex Dolls in Battle Against Harassment.”

We ought to say, hallelujah and thanks, at the federal level

Bush has been hanging around today with what he insists on calling the “faith community.” He wants to ensure that “the White House effectively reaches out to people to assure them that if they participate in the faith-based initiative they won’t have to lose their faith. It’s hard to be a faith-based program if you can’t practice your faith, no matter what your faith may be.” “And for those of you who are finding those who have heard the call to help interface with those in need, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.” Interfacing with those in need; kinky.

Bush says there’s been a “quiet transformation, a revolution of conscience, in which a rising generation is finding that a life of personal responsibility is a life of fulfillment.” This is of course code for religion. He wants to encourage corporations to contribute to religious charities, saying “we all ought to focus on results, not process.” Wow, that’s a message that’s the precise opposite of the message of every single religion. Really, try that line on your minister, rabbi, or guru. He adds, “If you’re addicted to alcohol, if a faith program is able to get you off alcohol, we ought to say, hallelujah and thanks, at the federal level.” Later, he talked about Teen Challenge, which treats drug-addicted teenagers, and which now gets federal grants. Federal funding of programs that work with adults is bad enough, but minors, and especially vulnerable ones at that?

If you’re wondering about numbers, these are the ones he gives: “The federal government awarded more than $2.1 billion in competitive social service grants to faith-based organizations last year. That’s an increase of 7 percent over the previous year, and that is 11 percent of all federal competitive social service grants.”

By the way, some good responses to yesterday’s contest about what Homeland Security’s new Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives will do. And I want to suggest a motto: “Too Busy Preparing for the Rapture to Prepare for the Next Hurricane.” (I also tried to come up with something along the lines of Putting the Father Back Into Fatherland, but it didn’t quite gel.)

No greater challenge

Iraq has held its first executions since it was, ahem, liberated. 13 alleged insurgents (only one of whose names was made public) were hanged. Let freedom ring wring the necks of some Sunnis.

Condi sez, “We may face no greater challenge from a single country than from Iran”. And you know she does not like to be challenged. Condi, who in some circles is being spun as more realist, more pragmatic than others in the Bush administration we could name, has in fact been making statements that read to me as increasingly messianic and arrogant, and which amount to informing lesser nations that they are mere bit players in a story that’s all about the United States of America, that they have no right to foreign policies of their own. Which might sound not too bad when applied to the shitheads currently running Iran, but every nation on earth is treated like that now. Tony Blair, whose obsequious loyalty would make Lassie blush, can’t get the US to extradite sex offenders. Some bloggers, including myself, objected to Bush going to India and tearing up the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (although I don’t see this as worse than the continuing coddling of Pakistan, an actual known proliferater, which still refuses to provide information of its activities and is allowed the ludicrous pretense that it was all unauthorized activity by A.Q. Khan, whose “punishment” did not include taking from him all the money he earned selling nuclear technology hither and yon). But the point of the exercise wasn’t to undermine the treaty but to replace it with a higher power, namely ours: the point was that the United States claimed to have the right and the authority to grant or deny permission to a country to have nuclear weapons.

The Columbia Journalism Review Daily discovers that South Dakota’s largest newspaper, the Sioux Falls Argus Leader, has decided not to have any editorial about the new abortion law because “nothing we could say on our editorial page would change anyone’s mind -- and it could well jeopardize the credibility we have worked long and hard to establish.” Cowards. Craven, sniveling cowards.

Pick up, move on, rebuild

Bush went to New Orleans today, where he said that “I think people would be impressed by the desire of the people in this part of the country to pick up and move on and rebuild.” Well, which is it, move on or rebuild?

But Bush didn’t just go to talk. He went to stand around with his arms crossed, trying to look deeply involved, or at least not dyspeptic.




The Reuters caption to a picture similar to the next one reads, “George W. Bush climbs to the top of a ladder as he briefly assists in the construction of a new home”.


Here, Bush stands next to a metaphor for his response to Katrina pile of debris.


Which is more dangerous, Cheney with a hunting rifle or Bush with a hammer?

Wait, you’re saying that the US is susceptible to harm and pain? That hardly seems fair.

So let me get this straight. The US has been threatening Iran with everything from sanctions to military action to, just yesterday, the vague but sinister “meaningful consequences,” but when an Iranian official with the delightful name Javad Vaeedi responds that “The United States may have the power to cause harm and pain but it is also susceptible to harm and pain,” Little Scottie McClellan smugly scolds that “Provocative statements and actions only further isolate Iran from the rest of the world.” Sometimes the total lack of self-awareness takes your breath away. Next thing you know, McClellan will accuse Iran of repeating the same stupid talking points over and over and of having no neck.

A British MP plans to enter into a gay marriage. Ben Bradshaw is the minister for animal welfare (which includes a lot of work on bird flu). There’s probably a bad joke in there, which I will leave to others.

For whatever it’s worth, under Britain’s new civil partnership legislation, twice as many gay men as lesbians have registered.

When the guy in charge of the Baghdad morgue fled the country a few days ago, we pretty much knew it was because he was being threatened to stop reporting murders by Shiite death squads. The WaPo now runs a story about orders not to count those deaths, but to continue to report on deaths caused by terrorist bombs. And just yesterday Rummy complained about media “exaggerations” all being on one side. The Post also details the run-around Iraqi officials gave them about those numbers, and how the morgue suddenly has the security of an Iranian nuclear facility.

So is it a civil war yet? Number of casualties is one important indicator. Another is the number of Iraqi men under arms in militias, death squads, and whatever else they’ve got. I really have no idea, and with the loyalties of many of those in government police or military or Interior Ministry uniforms being unclear, divided, or protean, anything close to a precise number is impossible to achieve. I’d be happy with a general sense of whether the number is increasing over time.

Praying for homeland security

Silvio Berlusconi, man of the (really really rich) people, says that the increasing debt Italian families are falling into is a sign of confidence in the future, because they believe they’ll be able to pay off those huge debts. And asked what the government would do to help the poor, he suggested they “Try to earn more by getting on with things.”

My last post mentioned Rumsfeld’s latest press criticism. The headline on the Pentagon website story about this: “Press Exaggerations Test American Will.”

I’m told that when Tony Blair appeared on Michael Parkinson’s talk show and started blaming God for his decision to help invade Iraq, Kevin Spacey, another guest, moved his chair away from Blair. Did any of my British readers see this? In today’s Prime Minister’s Questions, Peter Tapsell asked Saint Tony, “will he tell us which archangel is now persuading him into southern Afghanistan?” And how many angels can dance on the head of a quagmire.

The Department of Homeland Security has been ordered to establish within itself a Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, presumably to harness the awesome power of Jesusy prayer to protect America from hurricanes, terrorists, and godless homosexuals. CONTEST: what else will the Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives do?

Rumsfeld: I’m not knowledgeable today

At a Pentagon news conference today, Rumsfeld gave one of his typically wacky slash befuddled performances, which I don’t think too many people still mistake for folksy, suggesting that it’s Not a Coincidence that the cases of what he sees as exaggeration by the media about Iraq all “seem to be on one side... all seem to be of a nature to inflame the situation and to give heart to the terrorists and to discourage those who hope for success in Iraq”. Not that he’s, you know, accusing anybody, bu-hut, “we do know, of course, that al Qaeda has media committees. We do know that they teach people exactly how to try to manipulate the media. ... Now, I can’t take a string and tie it to a news report and then trace it back to an al Qaeda media committee meeting...”

Things that can be traced, well, as usual he just hasn’t read them, like Amb. Khalilzad’s interview in the LAT saying that Iraq could go to civil war: “He’s an expert, and he said what he said. I happen to not have read it”. Asked what “meaningful consequences” Cheney was threatening Iran with: “I have not read the full text of that.” Asked if he knew about the intel German intelligence is supposed to have given the US, which was purportedly used in planning the invasion: “I’m not aware. I wasn’t aware then. I’m not knowledgeable today.” He said it, not me.

Asked whether the delay in forming a government contributes to the danger of civil war, he gave his own lessons in how to present facts and draw conclusions from them: “I don’t know, but I don’t think so. I mean, I can’t give evidence as to why I say I don’t think so.”

Speaking of shit he said that he couldn’t give evidence for (not that the Pentagon reporters asked for any, because Pentagon reporters suck at their jobs, or have simply given up), he made the new claim that Iran is not just supporting insurgents in Iraq, but inserting its Revolutionary Guards into the country “to do things that are harmful to the future of Iraq.” Asked whether he was accusing the government of this: “The Revolutionary Guard doesn’t go milling around willy-nilly, one would think.” Yeah, they’re more the helter-skelter kind of millers-around than willy-nilly guys. Sometimes they’re harum-scarum, but usually only on pay day.

A reporter asked the question I’ve called for, what a civil war would look like. Rummy:

Why don’t you ask the other question: what would it look like if there’s not chaos and civil war? And that’s kind of -- kind of what people have been describing. If you have on the one hand the Iraqi security forces succeeding, that’s good. The back side of that would be they wouldn’t be. They would disappear, or they would fall apart, or they would engage in sectarian violence themselves, or they’d refuse to obey, or something like that. ... the political leaders and the government figures [would] do exactly the opposite of what they’re doing, and that is to stand up and say, “By golly, we’re not going to take this. They bombed one of our mosques; let’s go bomb their mosque.” And they said just the opposite.

What’s the Arabic for “by golly”?

Marching in the Oval Office

Saletan explains some of the ambiguities I wondered about in the SD anti-abortion law, which basically allow the use of morning-after pills to destroy what the bill calls “a living unborn human being” after conception, so long as the woman doesn’t know to a scientific certainty that she is definitely pregnant. Saletan says, “Welcome to world of ambiguity, pro-lifers.” Oh, nonsense. As long as pro-lifers were willing to prosecute doctors and not their patients, that ambiguity was always there.

Also, the law itself says that scientific advances since Roe show that “life begins at conception.” Whatever that’s supposed to mean, it’s obviously based on deep, willful ignorance, but does anyone know what it is supposed to mean?

There was a story about Bush’s visit to India that was supposed to be in the Times of India, but I couldn’t find it. Harper’s has it: those sniffer dogs that spiritually fouled up the Gandhi memorial. There were 65 dogs on the detail, and they were put up in the expensive hotel the White House took over completely. Staff were told to address the dogs as sergeant or major. Sir, arf, sir!

Bush celebrated International Women’s Day the same way he spends every other day: fantasizing about Condi. “The struggle for women’s right is a story of strong women willing to take the lead.” I’ll bet. “My administration is better off to have really capable women who feel comfortable marching in the Oval Office and giving the President their frank advice.” So there’s marching involved. Kinky. He says of Jenna and Not-Jenna, “And we are raising two young women to become independent, capable risk-takers -- (laughter)”. I guess alcohol poisoning is a risk, and it’s one they take boldly. He refers to some of the people present as “ambassadresses.” He then delved into history, informing us that, “We weren’t always an equal society in America”. As opposed to now, presumably. About sexual trafficking, he says “It breaks our hearts, our collective hearts, to realize many young girls are sold into sex slavery and we will use our prestige to stop that evil process.” That’s assuming Bush has more “prestige” in the world than Gary Glitter.

Alberto Gonzales, in Britain says that, at least according to the military’s investigation of the military (and who is better qualified to investigate the military than the military, I ask you?) there have only been five cases of torture in Guantanamo. So that’s ok then. He also muddied the definition of torture even further, saying, after refusing to pronounce on whether water boarding and other techniques fell under his definition of torture, “If we went around this room, people would have different definitions of what constitutes torture, depending on the circumstances.” Depending on the circumstances? Evidently the meaning of the word torture is situational. As for extraordinary rendition, “We do not render individuals where we believe it’s more likely than not that they will be tortured.” Count the number of weasel words in that sentence.

Slipping spending provisions into large bills. Is it me, or does that just sound dirty?

Funerals on webcam. Of course.

Chickens laying eggs on webcam. Of course.

South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds signs the egregious anti-abortion law, saying that “abortion is wrong because unborn children are the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society.” Although if he has his way, knocked-up rape victims in South Dakota will be just that little bit more vulnerable and helpless. The legislature is also setting up a legal defense fund, in which private citizens can pay for lawyers to defend this unconstitutional law. I don’t know if that’s ever happened before, but it’s a terrible idea, corrosive of democracy. Wonder if it’s tax-deductible?

Bush proposes to enact a line-item veto by legislation rather than constitutional amendment, which is just as much an unconstitutional violation of separation of powers as it was in 1996. Sez Shrub, “Congress can slip spending provisions into large bills where they never debated and never get discussed.” And if there’s anyone who can focus on details, ask the difficult questions, and resist special interests, it’s... Dubya.

I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it

Headline of the day, AP: “Priests Purify Shrine after Bush Visit.” Actually not because of Bush – they’re used to temple monkeys in India – but those explosive-sniffing dogs (I ran a photo of one a couple of days ago).

I just noticed something in those pictures of Bush playing cricket (actually in the closer picture Watertiger has) (Update: and her commenters noticed it as well): that’s not a cricket ball, it’s a tennis ball. Cuz poor baby might have hurt himself.

The alliterative Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, went on tv today as part of the Bush administration’s efforts to stave off “civil war” in Iraq. I used quotation marks there because the Bushies haven’t a clue how to stop actual civil war and so have focused all their might and main on trying to stop people using the words “civil war.” Hell, says Pace, only 30 or so mosques were attacked, and everyone in Iraq wants to have calm (he used the word calm four times).

Pace says, “I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it, but I would say they’re going very, very well”. That second “very” seems to imply at least a medium-to-large sized smiley face, and possibly a medium-to-large sized dose of Zoloft as well.

To Pace, of course, “the terrorists are becoming more desperate”. This marks approximately the 983rd time they have been described as having become more desperate, while at the same time they’ve never been described as becoming less desperate, so their desperation level must be pretty darned high by now. Maybe Pace could share some of his Zoloft with them. Pace also claimed that many joined for economic reasons: “If you have an opportunity to get a job and feed your family, you’re much less likely to accept $100 to go plant a bomb on the side of the road.” Wouldn’t it be funny if the militias did pay in round sums in American currency?

Russert asked him if he’s concerned that Jaafari likes Noam Chomsky. Pace says, “I hope he has more than one book on his nightstand” and recommends that nice Tom Clancy, and maybe a Harry Potter book. Chomsky, of course, has been invited to appear on all the talk shows since that information came out. Ha ha, just kidding! The baby Jesus could appear in Rome and recommend the Chomsky Reader and he still wouldn’t get any air time.

Asked whether there were initially enough troops deployed in Iraq, Pace says, “it was then and is now a balancing act between having enough troops to get the job done and too many troops to be oppressive and creating more problems than resolving.” Ah, so they didn’t want their invasion and occupation to be oppressive. All makes sense now.

Russert read him William F. Buckley’s criticism of the war, and Pace responded, “Mr. Buckley would probably do well to take a trip over to Iraq and walk the streets and talk to Iraqis”. He admitted that Buckley would have to have armed guards in order to do so.

Pace blamed the declining American support for the war on, what else, the media: “What they’re seeing is the same bomb going off every 15 minutes on television”. Funny, I thought it was Law & Order reruns that appeared every 15 minutes.

Asked about the rise in violence in Afghanistan in the last year, Pace said it was a sign of... wait for it... desperation.

Vote -- or the terrorists win

Is this blog most deserving of wider recognition? Then vote for it in the Koufax Awards in that category. Does the very idea that this blog might be deserving of wider recognition make you laugh? Then vote for it in the humor category.

The US military policy in Iraq, as many of us predicted, will involve decreased exposure of American troops to danger and a lot more aerial bombardment. The AP reports that 4 AC-130 gunships are being sent to Iraq.

Echidne of the Snakes has the transcript of that asshole South Dakota state legislator who appeared on McNeil-Lehrer yesterday saying that the ban on abortions even in cases of rape wouldn’t be applied against good Christian girls saving themselves for marriage. So that’s ok then.

Zeynap notes that the US refused entry visas to two Iraqi women whose husbands and children (three each) had been killed by American troops, and who had been planning a speaking tour, on the ostensible grounds that they didn’t have enough connections to Iraq, like say husbands and children, to ensure that they would return home.

That reminds me of my favorite Catch-22: during World War II, the US didn’t just intern people of Japanese ancestry residing in America, it pressured South American countries to hand their Japanese populations over to us as well. When Congress apologized and voted compensation to the internees decades later, they excluded those from South America because they were... wait for it... illegal aliens.

And here’s a bonus picture of Bush playing cricket.

Fooled by a googly

A few things to get through before we get to what you really want to see: pictures of Bush playing cricket.

Interesting AP report on the increasing number of secret federal court cases, with sealed records, up from 1.1% in 2003 to 2.7% in 2005.

The NYT had a story a day or two ago about the federal government not bothering to collect fines against coal companies. The Bushies have simply abandoned any pretense of enforcing laws against corporations putting people at risk. And today, the NYT reports that they’re not making drug companies do the required tests for side effects or effectiveness (to be fair, it sounds like this pre-dates the Bushies). The companies promise to do them in order to get approval, and in 2/3 of the cases don’t bother. The FDA’s director of the Office of New Drugs says that only 5% of those studies are considered delayed – because no one ever set a timeline.

Generalissimo Musharraf brought up the whole Danish cartoon thing with Bush, and says, “May I say that the President did show concern.” Which I guess means Bush put on his concerned-chimp expression. Although the joint statement says, “The two leaders agreed that acts that disturb inter-faith harmony should be avoided.” The rest of the statement offers such enlightening initiatives as “President Bush and President Musharraf are launching a Strategic Dialogue under the Strategic Partnership.”

On Kashmir, Bush once again ignored the interest that actual Kashmiris might have in having a voice in their future: “The best way for Kashmir to be resolved is for leaders of both countries to step up and lead.” Of course this is Bush, who talks about democracy but whose definition of the term at home and abroad is “elective dictatorship,” and whose idea of foreign relations involves deals between two countries’ elective dictators. Thus, Bush seems not to have protested or even mentioned the people placed under house arrest or the anti-Bush protesters shot dead in Pakistan. He did say that he and the general “share a strong commitment to democracy.” Sure they do.

Here Bush asks Musharraf for a hug.


Then Bush asks Musharraf for, um, uh....


Then he asks Musharraf where he can get one of them hats.


He met a kid crippled in the earthquake.

You didn’t get like that quail-hunting with Cheney, did you?
And finally, to cricket. In the last shot, a bowler hits Bush in the shoulder, or, as Bush later put it, “I was fooled by a googly.” Fool me once...

Is the violence out of control? Clearly not.

The Pentagon Central Command has a Chief of Engagement Operations to “do electronic media engagement” with, well, bloggers. If a blog is run by “supporters,” they ask it to put up a link to CENTCOM, but if it’s run by “determined detractors,” they might extend a “friendly invitation... to visit the command’s Web site.” There they will be forced to read stories which are “positive” but also “very factual” – not just factual, but very factual – until they crack and promise to blog that there is no civil war in Iraq and that we are beating the terrorists. “Media engagement” is a little like real engagement, which is symbolized by a diamond ring because “a diamond is forever,” just like detention in Guantanamo Bay. I have not been contacted by the “team,” nor do they say which blogs they have contacted, but they say that they did post a comment on some unnamed blog that wrote about American forces using Iraqis as human shields, saying no they didn’t. Does anyone know what blog this is, have a link for the post?

Gen. George Casey says that only (only!) 350 Iraqis were killed in the recent sectarian violence, which is of course not true, and that anyway that’s pretty much normal, that the Samarra de-domeification didn’t actually increase the level of violence in Iraq. Casey, who has clearly been spending too much time around Rumsfeld, then began answering his own questions: “So has there been violence and terrorism here in Iraq in the wake of the Samarra bombings? Clearly. Is the violence out of control? Clearly not.” Ah, so 350 dead, that you’re admitting, but it was actually under control. Okay. Um... whose control? Casey also said that bribing Iraqi newspapers to print puff pieces is “within our authorities and responsibilities,” so they’ll keep doing it. Oh sure, the Iraqis get cash, me, all I’d get is a friendly invitation to visit the CENTCOM website. Hardly seems fair.

Echidne of the Snakes notes that on the CNN website, Bush’s comment today referring to Pakistan as part of the “Arabic world” has been altered to “the [Muslim] world.” Let me demonstrate to CNN how you deal with mis-statements: the Cable News [sic] Network.

Bush has increasingly identified The Enemy in his rhetoric as something called “radical Islam.” He used the term in the State of the Union address, and said today that he would talk with Musharraf about “reduc[ing] the appeal of radical Islam.” Unlike “terrorists” or “evildoers,” this term focuses on the ideology underlying the actions, while trying to avoid the ramifications of Bush’s early use of the word crusade by separating the good Muslims from the bad Muslims. The positive thing about that is that it doesn’t tar all Muslims as potential terrorists, the negative thing is that it makes Bush the arbiter of what is or is not a proper part of a faith he considers to be fundamentally mistaken, which is as silly as if he condemned “radical Scientologists” for deviating from the sacred words of L. Ron Hubbard.

Which leads us to Tony Blair, who says that he prayed over his decision to join the war against Iraq. So I guess it is a holy war, a Christian crusade, if you like, after all. Here’s his, to me, semi-coherent statement:

In the end, there is a judgement that, I think if you have faith about these things, you realise that judgement is made by other people... and if you believe in God, it’s made by God as well.

Adam Jones, who pointed this out in comments, says, “Nice to know He’s willing to be flexible over that whole First Commandment thing, isn’t it?” So Blair deployed not only a dodgy dossier, but a dodgy Decalogue.

Secretary of War Rumsfeld, who like Tony Blair’s God is all-knowing, says “We know that torture is not occurring [at Guantanamo]. We know that for a fact.” And as usual he brings a little perspective to Iraq:

You know, we look at the violence that’s taking place there, and compare it to the United States or to Europe or something, kind of ignoring the fact that there are thousands and thousands and thousands of people killed in the United States of America every year in homicides.

So that’s ok then. And of course the prisoners have all been trained to claim that they were tortured, so it’s all just acting. Method acting. “The reality is that the terrorists have media committees.” Yes, I think they call them electronic media engagement teams.