Sunday, March 05, 2006

I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it

Headline of the day, AP: “Priests Purify Shrine after Bush Visit.” Actually not because of Bush – they’re used to temple monkeys in India – but those explosive-sniffing dogs (I ran a photo of one a couple of days ago).

I just noticed something in those pictures of Bush playing cricket (actually in the closer picture Watertiger has) (Update: and her commenters noticed it as well): that’s not a cricket ball, it’s a tennis ball. Cuz poor baby might have hurt himself.

The alliterative Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, went on tv today as part of the Bush administration’s efforts to stave off “civil war” in Iraq. I used quotation marks there because the Bushies haven’t a clue how to stop actual civil war and so have focused all their might and main on trying to stop people using the words “civil war.” Hell, says Pace, only 30 or so mosques were attacked, and everyone in Iraq wants to have calm (he used the word calm four times).

Pace says, “I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it, but I would say they’re going very, very well”. That second “very” seems to imply at least a medium-to-large sized smiley face, and possibly a medium-to-large sized dose of Zoloft as well.

To Pace, of course, “the terrorists are becoming more desperate”. This marks approximately the 983rd time they have been described as having become more desperate, while at the same time they’ve never been described as becoming less desperate, so their desperation level must be pretty darned high by now. Maybe Pace could share some of his Zoloft with them. Pace also claimed that many joined for economic reasons: “If you have an opportunity to get a job and feed your family, you’re much less likely to accept $100 to go plant a bomb on the side of the road.” Wouldn’t it be funny if the militias did pay in round sums in American currency?

Russert asked him if he’s concerned that Jaafari likes Noam Chomsky. Pace says, “I hope he has more than one book on his nightstand” and recommends that nice Tom Clancy, and maybe a Harry Potter book. Chomsky, of course, has been invited to appear on all the talk shows since that information came out. Ha ha, just kidding! The baby Jesus could appear in Rome and recommend the Chomsky Reader and he still wouldn’t get any air time.

Asked whether there were initially enough troops deployed in Iraq, Pace says, “it was then and is now a balancing act between having enough troops to get the job done and too many troops to be oppressive and creating more problems than resolving.” Ah, so they didn’t want their invasion and occupation to be oppressive. All makes sense now.

Russert read him William F. Buckley’s criticism of the war, and Pace responded, “Mr. Buckley would probably do well to take a trip over to Iraq and walk the streets and talk to Iraqis”. He admitted that Buckley would have to have armed guards in order to do so.

Pace blamed the declining American support for the war on, what else, the media: “What they’re seeing is the same bomb going off every 15 minutes on television”. Funny, I thought it was Law & Order reruns that appeared every 15 minutes.

Asked about the rise in violence in Afghanistan in the last year, Pace said it was a sign of... wait for it... desperation.

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