Obama and Sarkozy and Berlusconi

Now Iowa has gay marriage, and California does not. Something is seriously askew in the universe.

Pictures from the G-20 and NATO summits. You can caption them, or compare and contrast Obama and Sarkozy’s ears, whatever. I’ve got a headache.

Emphasis on the “force”

John McCain twitters: “SenJohnMcCain: America has been and remains the greatest force for good in history.”

We’re bigger than Jesus!

Barack Obama and the Chinese naval mooning episode

This is not transparency we can believe in: on the White House website, the transcript of a “background readout to the travel pool by senior administration officials on President Obama’s meeting with Chinese President Hu” identifies the briefer only as “senior administration official.” I could do without the secretive bullshit – and the press corps that enables it.

From that briefing: “Tibet was discussed. ... And he made clear our concerns about human rights in Tibet and our hope that China would make progress and (inaudible).” I don’t know about progress, but China is certainly working on making Tibet inaudible.

Also from the briefing:

Q: The Chinese naval mooning episode, where the two ships came awfully close last month, was that discussed at all?

SENIOR ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL: Military-to-military relations were discussed and President Obama referred to the episode, yes.

I wonder if Obama used the phrase “naval mooning episode” when speaking to Hu.

The Obamas meet the Windsors

But what did they say? CAPTION CONTEST!



(Update: I’m sure my British readers who saw this picture and thought, “Please don’t let Prince Philip say anything racist, please don’t let Prince Philip say anything racist” will be pleased to hear that the stupid things he said were not racist. From the Indy: “As the first couple exchanged small talk with the Queen about their gruelling schedule, the prince swung into action, declaring: ‘You’re just trying to stay awake!’ Then as President Obama listed his meetings with Gordon Brown, the Russian president and David Cameron, Prince Philip cut in again, asking: ‘Can you tell the difference between them?’”)

Not an add-on or an afterthought

Yesterday I said that I awaited Hillary Clinton’s condemnation of the new law relegating Afghan women to the condition of chattel. Well, at the International Conference on Afghanistan today, an Afghan reporter asked her about the conditions for women, though unfortunately not specifically about the law, allowing Clinton to respond entirely in meaningless generalities. Since I asked what her response would be, it seems only fair to reproduce her comments in full:

Well, there’s a continuing commitment to women and girls, to their well-being, to their education, their healthcare, to their full integration into society that I am very committed to, as is President Obama. So this is an area of absolute concern on the part of the United States. We’re looking for ways that can produce even more opportunities for women and girls in Afghanistan.

I’ve briefly met with some of the women parliamentarians who are here at the conference. And my message is very clear: Women’s rights are a central part of American foreign policy in the Obama Administration; they are not marginal; they are not an add-on or an afterthought.

I believe, as does President Obama, that the roles and rights of women in any society is a key indicator as to the stability and potential for peace, prosperity, and democracy of that society. So I would be committed to women’s roles and rights because of my lifelong concern about women. But as Secretary of State, I am equally committed because it’s absolutely the smart strategy for the United States and other nations to pursue.

You cannot expect a country to develop if half its population are underfed, undereducated, under cared for, oppressed, and left on the sidelines. And we believe strongly that that’s not in the interests of Afghanistan or any country, and it certainly is not part of our foreign policy or our strategic review. So we will continue to work very hard on behalf of women and girls in Afghanistan and around the world.

Evidence that Guantanamo is still part of the universe

Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela, visited Guantanamo Bay last week (along with Miss USA), and blogged it (not a perm. URL) (Update: in fact, the Miss Universe people have made her take down the post): “we had a wonderful time, this truly was a memorable trip! ... it was a loooot of fun! ... We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting.” The two Misses didn’t actually meet any of the prisoners, who were thus deprived of another opportunity to recreate themselves, possibly in the shower.

In other prisoner news, the Israeli government has decided to punish all Hamas prisoners in retaliation for the continued captivity of Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit, stripping them of access to newspapers, education, family visits, etc etc. That’ll teach Hamas not to capture and mistreat prisoners in order to get their demands met.

A new Afghan law signed by Karzai, though not made public yet, will (probably) ban wives leaving their homes without their husband’s permission, including for medical treatment. Oh, and they can’t refuse sex. And only men get custody of children. And child marriage will be allowed. Freedom, ain’t it grand? Condemnation from Hillary Clinton should come any.... minute.... now....

An Army sergeant is convicted by a court-martial of executing four disarmed and handcuffed Iraqi prisoners and dumping the bodies into a canal in Baghdad in 2007. Joseph Mayo offered the excuse that the murders were “in the best interests of my soldiers,” who would have been in danger had he released the prisoners. He didn’t mean immediate danger but rather that given the lack of evidence that the prisoners were up to anything, they’d have been released in a few days. Mayo himself could be released in 10 years.

Obama’s new strategy for Afghanistan and Pakistan

Today Obama spoke about his “new strategy for Afghanistan and Pakistan,” which looks an awful lot like the old strategy, just with the war in Pakistan more openly acknowledged.

The justification for the war(s) isn’t exactly daisy fresh (poppy fresh?) either: “So let me be clear: Al Qaeda and its allies -- the terrorists who planned and supported the 9/11 attacks -- are in Pakistan and Afghanistan. ... Multiple intelligence estimates have warned that al Qaeda is actively planning attacks on the United States homeland from its safe haven in Pakistan.” He didn’t say that they hate us for our freedoms, but you could hear the Bushian echo in the air.

Sometimes not even an echo, but a direct quote: “Al Qaeda’s offers the people of Pakistan nothing but destruction. We stand for something different.”

“So I want the American people to understand that we have a clear and focused goal: to disrupt, dismantle and defeat al Qaeda in Pakistan and Afghanistan...” (Also discombobulate, defenestrate and dehumidify it) “...and to prevent their return to either country in the future.” He added, “That is a cause that could not be more just.” Although curing cancer would also be a pretty good cause. Oo, and stopping global warming.

Pakistan will be thrilled to hear that Obama repeatedly lumped it in with Afghanistan, blurring the two countries together (indeed, he mentioned Richard Holbrooke’s new job is “Special Representative” for both countries) (to both countries one would have thought but Obama said “Special Representative for both countries” – a slip of the imperialist tongue?). “For the American people, this border region has become the most dangerous place in the world.” “[W]e must recognize the fundamental connection between the future of Afghanistan and Pakistan”. That future? Filled with rubble, the wails of survivors and calls for revenge.

He did reassure Pakistan: “The United States has great respect for the Pakistani people.” Predator drones being the highest form of respect.

“To avoid the mistakes of the past, we must make clear that our relationship with Pakistan is grounded in support for Pakistan’s democratic institutions and the Pakistani people.” Assuming, of course, that those democratic institutions and those people do exactly what we tell them to do: “Pakistan must demonstrate its commitment to rooting out al Qaeda and the violent extremists within its borders. And we will insist that action be taken -- one way or another -- when we have intelligence about high-level terrorist targets.”

He also expressed respect for Afghanistan: “We are not in Afghanistan to control that country or to dictate its future.” Scolding, however...: “Afghanistan has an elected government, but it is undermined by corruption and has difficulty delivering basic services to its people. ... We cannot turn a blind eye to the corruption that causes Afghans to lose faith in their own leaders.” It’s especially hard to turn a blind eye to corruption when you’re the one who bribed them and put them in power in the first place. He talks as an occupation lasting if more than seven years has nothing to do with the current condition of the Afghan polity.

He promised “clear metrics” for Afghanistan, although he did not say what they will be. He did not say anything about American troops returning with honor; indeed, he did not say anything about American troops returning, ever.

Barack Obama just likes nurses (but not marijuana)

Today Obama held an “internet town hall” in the lovely old town hall building in Internet, Pennsylvania, whose residents are evidently very interested in marijuana.


He claimed that he wanted to get to universal health care, but then gave a remarkably dumb reason for opposing single-payer:

The problem is, is that we have what’s called a legacy, a set of institutions that aren’t that easily transformed. ... And so what evolved in America was an employer-based system. It may not be the best system if we were designing it from scratch. But that’s what everybody is accustomed to. That’s what everybody is used to. It works for a lot of Americans. And so I don’t think the best way to fix our health care system is to suddenly completely scrap what everybody is accustomed to and the vast majority of people already have. Rather, what I think we should do is to build on the system that we have and fill some of these gaps.

So we should add more jerry-rigging onto the existing jerry-rigged insurance system because “that’s what everybody is used to.” Right.


IT’S A CRAZY IDEA BUT IT JUST MIGHT WORK: “I think you’re not going to see a situation where the U.S. automakers are gaining the kind of share that they had back in the 1950s. I mean, we just didn’t have any competition when -- back then, Japan was in rubble, Europe was in rubble -- we were the only players around. And that’s not going to be true.” But if Japan and Europe were... somehow... in rubble again, hmmm....


MICHELLE IS TOTALLY PUTTING ON THAT “NAUGHTY NURSE” COSTUME TONIGHT: Asked a question by a nurse, he said, “I’m biased toward nurses, I just like nurses.”

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, no, he doesn’t support legalizing marijuana.

Of death saints and insatiable demands

Mexico is cracking down on the drug cartels by aggressively going after and destroying... some statues of a “death saint” (Santisima Muerte) which all the cool drug lords like.


Speaking of death saints, Hillary Clinton, who is in Mexico for spring break (woo hoo!), admitted the blindingly obvious: “I feel very strongly we have a co-responsibility... Our insatiable demand for illegal drugs fuels the drug trade.”

But what would Hillary know about co-dependence with someone with insatiable demands for things that aren’t good for them?

Obama press conference: I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak

Transcript.

One of Obama’s themes tonight was not to expect anything to get better very quickly. Oh good. “There are no quick fixes, and there are no silver bullets.” (For fuck’s sake, don’t say that! The werewolves might be listening.) “I’m a big believer in persistence.” “you look back four years from now, I think, hopefully, people will judge that body of work and say, ‘This is a big ocean liner. It’s not a speedboat. It doesn’t turn around immediately.’” And the stewards are all werewolves. Or something. I really wasn’t paying that close attention.


WHAT HE’S AS ANGRY AS ANYBODY ABOUT (BUT WITH A REALLY CALM VOICE FOR SOMEONE WHO’S SO, YOU KNOW, ANGRY): “I’m as angry as anybody about those bonuses that went to some of the very same individuals who brought our financial system to its knees, partly because it’s yet another symptom of the culture that led us to this point.” Two questions: 1) Is the president supposed to be admitting that the financial system has been brought to its knees? 2) If Clinton had said that, how long would it have taken until the giggling stopped?


However, he added after expressing his alleged anger, “the rest of us can’t afford to demonize every investor or entrepreneur who seeks to make a profit.” Why can’t we afford it, do they charge a demonization fee?


Some ninny (Chuck Todd) asked if he shouldn’t be asking the public to sacrifice something to help the economy. Presumably something beside their homes, their jobs, their retirement funds, their hopes, their dreams... Obama: “I think folks are sacrificing left and right.”


The line for which this presser will be remembered, assisted by Ed Henry’s silly why-did-it-take-you-two-days-to-express-outrage-about-the-AIG-bonuses question: “It took us a couple of days because I like to know what I’m talking about before I speak.” This was the day for comebacks, with Ben Bernanke responding to Rep. Donald Manzullo’s “Not one of you three can give me a yes or no?” with “That’s because it’s a poorly posed question.”


UNLESS IT HAS MY PICTURE ON IT: “I don’t believe that there’s a need for a global currency.”


WHAT PART OF THE CHANGE IN ATTITUDES HE WANTS TO SEE IN WASHINGTON AND ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY IS: “Part of the change in attitudes that I want to see here in Washington and all across the country is a belief that it is not acceptable for children and families to be without a roof over their heads in a country as wealthy as ours.”


So how’s the being black and a president thing going? “I think that the last 64 days has been dominated by me trying to figure out how we’re going to fix the economy, and that affects black, brown and white.” It just occurred to me that since it pretty much stopped being acceptable to refer to Asians as yellow, they’re left out of formulations like this.

Asked by a Washington Times reporter about stem cell research: “I think those issues are all critical, and I’ve said so before. I wrestle with it on stem cell”. Now he’s wrestling stem cells. That’s just wrong. So very wrong.


WHAT THE HEADLINES ALL LOOK LIKE: “I think, when it comes to the banking system, you know, it was just a few days ago or weeks ago where people were certain that Secretary Geithner couldn’t deliver a plan. Today, the headlines all look like, ‘Well, all right, there’s a plan.’”

Everything you need to know about the economy you can tell by the expression on Treasury Secretary Geithner’s Vulcan-like face

So much for bipartisanship

John McCain twitters: “Yesterday President Obama said GOP’ers have decided to just ‘be against whatever the other side is for.’ So much for bipartisanship!” Boy, that Obama guy, he just wrecks everything.

The exit strategy

Obama said in the 60 Minutes interview that we need an exit strategy from Afghanistan and “The Afghan Army and police are that exit strategy.” You know, there must be some middle ground between Bush’s messianic claims to be spreading freedom and democracy, and Obama’s disregard at best, cynicism at worst. After initially planning to force Karzai out, only to realize that there was no one else remotely capable of maintaining even the pretense of running a central government, the Obamaites are now leaking that they plan to make him a figurehead, with a “technocrat” prime minister or chief of staff of our choosing installed to really run the show. But the inevitable military coup will no doubt do just as well. I don’t see what could possibly go wrong with that scenario.

By the way, when are people going to start describing our military activities in Pakistan as a war and maybe, I don’t know, discussing whether it’s a good idea?

Practice what?

Headline of the Day (Daily Telegraph): “Doctor Who Strapped Ecstasy Pills to Scrotum Allowed to Resume Practice.”

The Sci-Fi, excuse me, SyFy, Channel has a message for you regarding the conclusion of Battlestar Galactica: All this has happened before, and all this will happen again – but until then, please watch “Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering.”

Caption contest, papal version

The pope is on his “no condoms for you” tour of Africa. Here he is in Cameroon or possibly Angola (the BBC website is a little confused). Please practice safe captioning.

Power corrupts, a jacket with a seal and your name on it corrupts absolutely

JAY LENO: Let me ask you some personal things. Now, how cool is it to fly in Air Force One?

OBAMA: Now, let me tell you, I personally think it’s pretty cool. Especially because they give you, you know, the jacket with the seal on it.


Here we go again.

You know, us dogs aren't really so much of the dogs that we think we are

Name of the Day, from the obituary of actor Betsy Blair: her daughter Kerry, when she was married to Gene Kelly. Kerry Kelly.

Betsy Blair was best known for her role in the movie Marty, where she played a girl dating Marty, whose loser friends considered her too homely to be dating Ernest Borgnine, but in the end he decided that he liked her anyway. The irony is that Blair was more mousy than homely, but Hollywood wouldn’t give the role to the more homely, but more talented, Nancy Marchand (Tony Soprano’s mother, Lou Grant’s publisher Mrs Pynchon), who had played the role in the earlier television version (which I remember as quite good), Hollywood’s idea of homely or plain people being Ingrid Bergman with glasses or Michelle Pfeiffer without makeup.

He deserves my silence

Bush, giving a speech to the Calgary Chamber of Commerce, said “I’m not going to spend my time criticizing [Obama]. ... He deserves my silence.” Don’t we all, don’t we all (except the Calgary Chamber of Commerce, evidently).

Of course he did go on to criticize Obama, though not by name, warning of moves to “replace free markets with government.”

OR POSSIBLY A UNIVERSAL REMOTE: “I believe freedom is a gift from a universal god.”

WE CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT NOW: He talked about Aaron Burr’s duel with Alexander Hamilton, saying “At least when my vice president shot somebody, it was by accident.”

BUT NOT SO FUN TO READ IT: He said that he plans to write a book about the 12 toughest decisions he had to make, and that he thinks it will be “fun” to write the book. I suspect after a few minutes of writing, he will think it less fun and the 12 toughest decisions will all be about spelling and grammar. And of course, all decided wrongily. He said, “I’m going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there’s an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened.”

Maybe a little authoritarian silence is in order now, George?

How do they justify this outrage?

Yes, the AIG bonuses are obnoxious – “retention payments” AIG prefers to call them, when the only appropriate means of retention for many AIG employees would be a pair of handcuffs – but I find myself unable to muster that much outrage. In the larger scheme of things, it’s the need to prop up this criminally-run company with $170 billion of taxpayer money that’s the real scandal. Compared to that, $165 million in bonuses is kind of a sideshow, the insult to injury ratio here being 1:1,000.

Barack Obama, however, can muster, or can at least fake, some populist outrage, asking, “I mean, how do they justify this outrage to the taxpayers who are keeping the company afloat?”

That’s a good question. Let’s help them out with some suggestions. CONTEST: how can they justify this outrage?

Not so Modern Times

Hindu nationalists have stopped a plan to build a 67-foot statue of Charlie Chaplin in India, objecting that the Little Tramp was a Christian. 

CONTEST: What might make a 67-foot statue of Charlie Chaplin more acceptable to Hindu nationalists?