Today -100: September 8, 1912: Of hatchets, claims, race riots, lynchings, and short ballots

Margot Asquith, the prime minister’s wife, was hoping for a souvenir: the hatchet thrown by suffragettes at her husband’s coach in Dublin. But it’s in the hands of the court.

The State Dept won’t push the $100 million Manning & Mackintosh claim on Mexico, mostly because they don’t have any idea what it’s about either, I’m guessing.

Vice President Sherman “laughed” over the story that he’s so sick he may have to decline renomination, saying, “You will find my name on the Republican ticket on the 5th of November.” True. Also, the obituaries page.

A “race riot” begins in Brownsville, Brooklyn, when a negro pulls the whiskers of an elderly white man waiting for a train.

After the attempted cross-border horse-stealing incident, Taft has ordered troops to the Mexico-Texas border. And Treasury has authorized the export of 500 rifles & 150,000 cartridges to Mexico for Americans to use to protect themselves and their property.

A black man is lynched in Princeton, West Virginia, after an attack on a white girl, although he bore no resemblance beyond gender and race to the description of the victim. Gov. Glasscock says he will prosecute the lynch mob, and being Glasscock, the un-Blease as it were, it might even be true.

The NYT prints a not hugely interesting letter from Franklin D. Roosevelt of Hyde Park in favor of the short ballot (removing offices like attorney general, controller, state engineer etc from the NY ballot and making them appointive).

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Today -100: September 7, 1912: Of suicides, horses, claims, bull moosers, and altitude

The Paris authorities refuse to allow a Monsieur Paul Robin to be cremated, because he committed suicide. That’ll show him.

Mexican rebels cross the border to steal some horses from the US 3rd Cavalry. It does not end well for them.

For 50 years Mexico has been contesting something called the Manning & Mackintosh claim, first with Britain, and now with the US, or the syndicate which now owns the claim. Claim for what, the article never explains, but the syndicate is demanding $100 million from Mexico, including interest. Maybe Mexico knows what they’re on about.

Much of the Taft-Roosevelt fight is taking place in the courts. A US Circuit Court just refused to kick 8 Roosevelt electors off the Republican ballot in Kansas.

The New York Bull Moose Party convention nominates for governor Oscar Straus, TR’s secretary of commerce and labor (the first-ever Jewish cabinet member) and former ambassador to the Ottoman Empire.

A new altitude record is set by Roland Garros in France, 16,240 feet. At which point his engine cut out and he had to glide to earth.

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In which I try to live-blog Obama’s convention speech, but completely lose interest and sputter to a halt

He starts off being a dick to Malia and Sasha. Yes, they have to go to school in the morning.

And he accepts the nomination. Should have let some suspense build.

His grandmother worked in a ‘bama assembly line in World War II?

(Sorry, got bored and went to the kitchen to make myself an egg cream. In honor of our first black president, I used too much chocolate syrup.)

Climate change is not a hoax. Oddly enough, it’s a pun.

I was more amused than I should have been by the woman holding the “Forward” sign upside down.

It’s not a proper egg cream without Fox’s U-Bet, by the way.

“My opponent and his running mate are... new to foreign policy.” “Cold war mind warp.”

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Biden’s convention speech, literally

Biden begins by complaining that Jill didn’t accept his marriage proposal until the fifth time.

FOR EXAMPLE, OBAMA NOW KNOWS THAT MY FIRST NAME IS JOE. “We’ve learned a lot about one another.”

THAT WORD, IT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS: “the enormity of his heart”

Biden keeps saying “Barack” because he’s totally on first-name terms with him.


UNLESS YOU’RE VICE PRESIDENT, OBVIOUSLY. A job is about much more than a paycheck.

WHO LET BIDEN IN HERE? At every critical meeting, Barack asks the one fundamental question.

LIKE A TRANSFORMER? “My dad was an automobile man.”

Fine, he doesn’t know what literally means either.

Romney looked at the auto bailout “the Bain Way.” Good one.

Oh, it took this long to get to the dancing-on-bin-Laden’s-watery-grave portion of the speech.

Killing bin Laden was about “healing an almost unbearable wound in America’s heart.” Sigh.

Oh fer fuck’s sake, he gets the crowd to chant “Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive.”


He keeps saying literally, wrongly.

It literally amazes him.

“We have no intention of downsizing the American dream.” Or the big gulp. Lookin’ at you, Bloomberg.

Fallen angels, is that what we’re calling dead soldiers now?

NOT FIGURATIVELY: “The direction we turn is not figuratively, it’s literally in your hands.”

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Today -100: September 6, 1912: Of deceivers and lieutenant generals

Harriot Stanton Blatch complains that Roosevelt and the Progressives did nothing to assist the women’s suffrage amendment in Ohio. “I went out there with an open mind, but I found that men are deceivers ever.”

Lt. Gen. Arthur MacArthur, former governor-general of the Philippines, dies of complications of having a hilarious name. Actually, he dropped dead while reliving the glory days of the Civil War in a speech to a veterans’ group. He was, of course, Douglas MacArthur’s father. And the last person to hold the rank of lt. gen., which was abolished.

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Today -100: September 5, 1912: Of constitutions, new lawns, phonographs, and cattle-maiming

Ohio voters vote on no fewer than 42 constitutional amendments, passing 34. Women’s suffrage, however, lost 249,420 to 336,876. One to remove the word “white” from the definition of citizens eligible to vote also lost, 242,735 to 265,693, although blacks were in fact able to vote both before and after 1912, despite an 1868 law imposing heavy punishments for their doing so (the word “white” was removed in 1923). An amendment to end capital punishment also lost. Winning amendments include the initiative and referendum, preferential primaries, ending poll taxes, a minimum wage, and something about licensing saloons, which is of course the only one most people cared about.

The NY Times doesn’t like the amendments that won, saying “Ohio could not have done worse if the women had voted.”

Caroline Riley of the National Suffrage Association blames the defeat of women’s suffrage in Ohio on the combined forces of the “grafters, boodlers, monopolists, machine politicians, gamblers, white slavers, and others of that class.” You know, men.

NYT Index Typo of the Day -100: “FACTORY TO QUIT OHIO.; Shoe Company Official Declares the New Lawn Will Drive It Out.” Laws, that is. The shoe guy cites the initiative and referendum, but of course it’s really about the minimum wage thing.

Headline of the Day -100: “Edison Forgets to Sleep.” He’s working on perfecting the iPod disc record.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is interested in cattle-maiming. That is all.

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Today -100: September 4, 1912: Of vasectomies, and waitresses at Chinese restaurants

The Washington State Supreme Court upholds a law for sterilizing habitual criminals and those found guilty of unnatural crimes (in this case, a child rapist). The court decided a forced vasectomy is not a cruel punishment (unusual punishments were okay under the Wash. constitution).

In the Vermont state elections, the presence of a Bull Moose candidate results in no one winning a majority for governor, which means that the Legislature gets to decide.

Panama has finally agreed to the US’s demand that that police captain be fired.

The Los Angeles police chief recommends to the Police Commission that white women be banned from working at restaurants owned by Orientals, as they often fall into the moral clutches of foreigners.

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Today -100: September 3, 1912: Of short-sleeve riots, fat men and baronesses & boars

Headline of the Day -100: “Short Sleeves Cause Riot.” A bishop in a cathedral in Rome interrupted a confirmation to order a woman with the aforementioned sleeves out of his church. She didn’t leave, so he attempted to remove her physically, but was stopped by several men. Later, he tried to give an address from the window of the episcopal palace and was pelted with tomatoes, as was the custom.

Sports Headline of the Day -100: “Fat Man Breaks Arm in Baseball.” The Fat Man’s Club (I’m assuming) of Montclair, NJ, playing the Thin Men’s Club. The fat men won, as is so often the case in life.

Berlin: the Baroness Frieda von Eckhardstein is accidentally shot and killed during a boar hunt by Count von Finckenstein. The moral of the story: German names are funny.

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Today -100: September 2, 1912: Of money in politics, and lawsuits

Theodore Roosevelt writes a long letter to Sen. Clapp, chair of the Senate Sub-Committee on Privileges and Elections (because they wouldn’t let him testify), about the charge that he knew about Standard Oil’s 1904 campaign contributions. Wait, the Standard Oil guy says he gave the $100,000 to a guy who’s dead now, in cash, not a check, and he didn’t keep the receipt?

A lawsuit in Spain over ownership of the Alhambra Palace has been decided, with the Marquis Campotejar having to give it up to the king, plus court costs, which must be considerable, given that the lawsuit has been going on for a century.

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Today -100: September 1, 1912: Of pardons, mooseless in Maryland, and mooseful in San Francisco

South Carolina’s Sen. Ben Tillman says that SC Gov. Blease promised in a speech (not sure when exactly) that he would pardon anybody who killed certain of his enemies.

In the continuing collapse of the Bull Moose Party as anything other than a vehicle for Theodore Roosevelt’s third-term ambitions, the Maryland Moosers have decided not to run candidates for Congress, but to ask members to vote for Republicans.

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times): “Completing Theft of Republican Organization.” The San Francisco Republican County Central Committee ousts all the Taft supporters on the committee.

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Today -100: August 31, 1912: Of Standard practice and actual ethnical conditions

The Senate Foreign Relations Sub-Committee will investigate Standard Oil’s involvement in funding the revolution in Mexico that brought Madero to power.

The European powers have suggested to the Ottomans that they decentralize their empire, giving autonomy to the European provinces. Count Berchtold, foreign minister of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, suggested to them that this would base the empire on the “actual ethnical conditions of the Ottoman Empire.” Seriously: the guy from the Austro-Hungarian (Czech/Slovenian/Croatian/Polish/Romanian etc) Empire said this? The Ottomans respond that the European powers can go fuck themselves in the manner of their respective ethnical conditions (or words to that effect).

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Romney’s acceptance speech: To do the really big stuff, you need an American

Transcript (as prepared, but I don’t think any quote I’m using varies by more than a word or two).

LESS SINCERE WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN: “I wish President Obama had succeeded because I want America to succeed.”

SOLES, SOULS, SEE WHAT I DID THERE? “The soles of Neil Armstrong’s boots on the moon made permanent impressions on OUR souls.”

WELL, WHEN THE WORLD NEEDS SOMEONE TO EAT THE REALLY BIG STUFF: “And I don’t doubt for a second that Neil Armstrong’s spirit is still with us: that unique blend of optimism, humility and the utter confidence that when the world needs someone to do the really big stuff, you need an American.”


SO EVERYONE IS MORE QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT THAN OBAMA, IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. “[Obama] took office without the basic qualification that most Americans have and one that was essential to his task. He had almost no experience working in a business. Jobs to him are about government.” You know, it’s not just that some of the worst presidents – Hoover, Bush – have had plenty of bidness experience, but how much of it did Eisenhower have? Reagan? Nixon?

THE CENTERPIECE: “the centerpiece of the President’s entire re-election campaign is attacking success. ... In America, we celebrate success, we don’t apologize for it.” Yeah, don’t know how you do things in Kenya...

OBAMA MUST WAKE UP EVERY MORNING BASKING IN THE GLOW OF ROMNEY’S GOOD-FAITH SUPPORT: “America has been patient. Americans have supported this president in good faith.”


I HOPE HE PUTS ON OLD CLOTHES BEFORE HE GOES OUT TO ASSAULT COAL AND GAS AND OIL: “His assault on coal and gas and oil will send energy and manufacturing jobs to China”.

OH SURE, LIKE HE’D LET YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ONTO HIS ARK: “President Obama promised to slow the rise of the oceans and to heal the planet. MY promise... is to help you and your family.” (The audience laughed at “rise of the oceans” like they’d never heard anything so crazy in their lives.)

THERE’S A GILLIGAN’S ISLAND JOKE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. NOT A GOOD JOKE, BUT IT’S IN THERE. “I will begin my presidency with a jobs tour. President Obama began with an apology tour.”

YEAH, I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO MIXED UP TOO. “America, he said, had dictated to other nations. No, Mr. President, America has freed other nations from dictators.”


WHY IS THE METAPHOR ALWAYS THAT ISRAEL IS BEING THROWN UNDER THE BUS? “President Obama has thrown allies like Israel under the bus, even as he has relaxed sanctions on Castro’s Cuba.”

BECAUSE PUTIN WILL TEAR YOUR SPINE OUT WITH HIS BARE HANDS? “Under my administration, our friends will see more loyalty, and Mr. Putin will see a little less flexibility and more backbone.”

PROBABLY IN THE FUTURE: “That future is out there.” Can the future be described spatially like that?

CAN THE FUTURE BE SAID TO WAIT? I GOTTA RE-READ “A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME.” “It is waiting for us.”

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Epitome

Orrin Hatch told C-SPAN: “Mitt Romney’s the epitome of what Mormon males should be.”

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Today -100: August 30, 1912: Wherein is revealed the greatest set of liars on earth, 1912 edition

South Carolina Gov. Coleman Blease, running for re-election, wins the Democratic primary, rather narrowly. In fact, it seems that more ballots were cast for him in some counties than there are actual registered voters. Funny, that. Gracious as ever in victory, Blease announces “I have won the greatest victory over newspaper corporations and political tricksters ever known to the world. ... The outside world should now be convinced that the newspapers of South Carolina are the greatest set of liars on earth.”

Headline of the Day -100: “China Cannot Have Tibet, Says Britain.” China has been occupying Tibet for a couple of years but now intends to incorporate it as a province.

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Paul Ryan’s speech: Mitt Romney will turn his car around

AND A REACH-AROUND: “After four years of getting the run-around, America needs a turnaround, and the man for the job is Governor Mitt Romney.”

I FORGET, WHICH ONE DID BAIN SPECIALIZE IN? Mitt Romney & I know the difference between protecting a program and raiding it.


That’s it, I’ve lost the will to live.

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The Republican Convention: What I overheard today while mostly ignoring it

McConnell makes a funny: “Obama hasn’t been working to earn re-election, he’s been working to earn a spot on the PGA tour.” He had to pause a good long time waiting for a few fake chuckles from an audience willing him to just get on with it.

HOW ABOUT IF WE CALL IT A MOTHERFUCKING RECOVERY?: “To call this a recovery is an insult to recoveries.”

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Rand Paul: without the success of business, we wouldn’t have any roads or bridges.

RAND PAUL IS NOT ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS WITH MR. EXXON-MOBIL: when you punish Mr. Exxon-Mobil, you punish the secretary who has Exxon-Mobil shares.

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John McCain says he accepts the decision of the American people in 2008. Isn’t that gracious of him?

When a Republican like McCain talks about giving a voice to the voiceless, he can only, and I mean ONLY, be talking about fetuses.

He’s complaining that we didn’t go to war with Iran, and that we’re not going to war with Syria, because of course he is.

HE WAS FOR SAVAGE, UNFAIR FIGHTS BEFORE HE WAS AGAINST THEM: Syria has moved from peaceful protests to a savage, unfair fight.

He trusts Mitt Romney to know that good can triumph over evil.

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Today -100: August 29, 1912: No man has the right to live alone

Michigan holds the first primary elections since the Republican/Bull Moose split, and the Bull Moosers do surprisingly badly, not much better than the Prohibition Party. The Democratic vote seems undiminished, so the Bull Moosers seem to be taking their votes entirely from former Republicans.

Name of the Day -100: The Republican candidate for governor of Michigan will be one Amos Musselman (the Democrat, who, spoiler alert, will win, is named Woodbridge Nathan Ferris).

Taft orders the 10th Infantry to Nicaragua and then, ten hours later, changes his mind. There will soon be 2,000 US marines there, and he figures that’s enough.

Taft in private is said to blame the Nicaraguan revolution on the US Senate. See, if it hadn’t rejected the treaty last year giving the US complete control over Nicaragua’s customs revenues, which account for most of the government’s revenues, there wouldn’t have been any money for the revolutionaries to go after. This is why Nicaragua can’t have nice things.

The US ambassador to Panama demanded that the chief of police and a captain be fired, something about mistreatment of Americans. The former resigned and is “leaving the country under an assumed name,” but President Arosemena is refusing to fire the latter. Let’s see how long that lasts, shall we?

A Mrs. Rae Copeley Raum is running for mayor of San Diego on a platform of taxing bachelors over 25, including widowers who have not remarried after three years, “as a safeguard against race suicide. No man has the right to live alone.”

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Ann Romney’s speech: I can’t wait to see what we’re all going to do together.

(Some of the quotes may not be word-perfect).

AS THEY SAY IN UTAH: “I can’t wait to see what we’re all going to do together.”

WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO WOMEN SIGHING? CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY. “You’ll hear the women sighing a little louder than the men.”

YES WE DO. “We don’t want easy.”

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID: “Everything has gotten harder.”

WORST. BLIND DATE. EVER. “His name is Mitt Romney and you should really get to know him.”

The crowd is applauding a basement apartment.

Oh no, they had to eat tuna fish, like a lowly, lowly cat.

They have 18 beautiful grandchildren. And several ugly ones in the basements of each of their mansions.

Who’s called the Romneys a storybook marriage? Name one person, Ann.

EXCEPT FOR HAVING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM BY TED KENNEDY & JOHN McCAIN: “Mitt has been successful at each challenge he’s taken on.”

“He was not handed success; he BUILT IT.”

YEAH AND HE USED TO TOTALLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, BUT YOU WOULDN’T KNOW HER, SHE’S FROM ANOTHER TOWN. “Mitt doesn’t like talking about helping others.”

OH DEAR GOD NO. “He will take America to a better place, just like he took me home safely from that dance.”

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Republican Convention: Does not compute

In the Up-and-Coming-Wingnuts portion of the Convention, Texas senatorial candidate Ted Cruz just said that Democrats are telling Hispanics they’re not welcome here.

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Herman Cain says he’s hired investigators to find the source of those stories about his sexual indiscretions during the primaries. I can say you the money, Herman: it was your dick.

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Today -100: August 28, 1912: An intelligent interest in their own affairs

The NYT, and Dem. VP candidate Marshall, deny Roosevelt’s claim that the people are not ruling themselves. Why, state legislatures are elected every two years in 40 of the states, annually in 7, and quadrennially in Alabama. If the people “fail to take an intelligent interest in their own affairs,” it’s their own damned fault.

I brought that up to highlight that whatever else was wrong with 1912-style democracy, there were a lot more elections than there are now. Many governors were still elected annually.

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