No higher responsibility

Bush’s weekly radio address deals not with his trip to Africa but with the FISA bill. Same old hectoring shit, but he concludes, “At this moment, somewhere in the world, terrorists are planning a new attack on America. And Congress has no higher responsibility than ensuring we have the tools to stop them.” Really, no higher responsibility? Protecting and defending the, you know, Constitution and all that?

Thank God, or else

From a NYT article a couple of days ago about how Iranians really love them some American capitalism:

“Everyone here is thirsting for American brands, it’s that simple,” said Mehdi Mortazavi, who is helping create Friday’s, a restaurant in Tehran. The sign out front looks just like a T.G.I. Friday’s in the States, with red and white stripes. But the “T.G.I.F.” was dropped because Thursday is the last day of the work week here, and the reference to “God” might not have gone over well. But there will be waiters with suspenders decorated with buttons, Cobb Salad and hamburgers on the menu.

Wherein is revealed one of the great things about American democracy

Yesterday, Bush was interviewed by reporters from African radio stations.

He explained the agenda of his African trip: “I want the people on the continent of Africa to know that the American people care deeply about the human condition”.

And he’s not going empty-handed: “And so this is going to be a trip that I bring the goodwill of American people”.

He’s also bringing a double helping of IN OTHER WORDS: “Exports to the United States from the continent of Africa, sub-Saharan Africa, have tripled. Exports from the United States to sub-Saharan Africa have doubled. In other words, this trade has been good. One way to firm up the commitment to make sure that our nation remains non-protectionist -- in other words, a free trading nation -- is to complete the Doha Round.”

IN OTHER W— HEY, HE USED “CRITERION” CORRECTLY! “Nations that have received Millennium Challenge grants have met a test. In other words, there is a criterion to qualify for the money.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, if there’s hopelessness, then it’s liable that extremists who are recruiting people to create havoc not only in their respective countries or neighborhoods, but also in our country -- if there’s hopelessness, they have a better chance to recruit.”

YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS: “Remember that the ideology that is prevalent, that uses murder as a weapon, cannot recruit in hopeful places.”

LIBERIA IS NOT YOUNG, BUT IT LOOKS MAAHVELOUS: “And so, my hope, of course, is that people that have been here trying to save themselves from the violence, go help this young -- not young, but this country get back on its feet.”

SEPARATED AT BIRTH? “Mr. Mugabe has ruined a country”.

A Ghanaian reporter seized this career-making opportunity:

Q: Mr. President, I will recommend you, during your short visit to my country, to have a taste in our juicy, tasty and nicely perfumed pineapples.

BUSH: Pineapples.

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. EVER: “You’re right, my presidency does end. And that’s one of the great things about American democracy.”

SPEAKING OF TALKING VEGETABLES: “In other words, the United States farmer is willing to take less of a subsidy if his -- can be assured that his product will get a fair hearing in somebody else’s market”.

Our professionals tell me that they don’t have all the tools they need to do their job

Despite his threat to inconvenience all of us by not going on his Africa junket if the House failed to pass his spying bill, Bush did not cancel his Africa junket. After all, they promised him he’d get to see an elephant!

He did, however, meet with Republican congresscritters this morning (possibly no one has yet dared tell him that Republicans are no longer the majority in either house and that he should really try meeting with Democrats), and then made a statement to the press which was remarkably pissy, even for him, which I give in full and without interjection to preserve its flavor – and I just realized I’m describing it as having a pissy flavor, which, you know, ick:

We also just discussed a serious problem facing our country, and that is the fact that House leaders blocked a good piece of legislation that would give our intelligence community the tools they need to protect America from a terrorist attack.

The American citizens must understand -- clearly understand that there still is a threat on the homeland, there’s still an enemy which would like to do us harm, and that we’ve got to give our professionals the tools they need to be able to figure out what the enemy is up to so that we can stop it.

The Senate passed a good bipartisan bill that makes sure our intelligence community has the tools necessary to protect America from this real threat -- and I want to thank you all, and thank the Democrats in the United States Senate who worked closely with Mitch and John to get a strong piece of legislation, with a 68-vote majority, out of the Senate.

And this bill comes to the House of Representatives and it was blocked. And by blocking this piece of legislation our country is more in danger of an attack. By not giving the professionals the tools they need, it’s going to be a lot harder to do the job we need to be able to defend America.

People say, oh, it doesn’t matter if this law hasn’t been renewed -- it does matter. It matters for a variety of reasons. It matters because the intelligence officials won’t have tools necessary to get as much information as we possibly can to protect you. And it matters because these telephone companies that work collaboratively with us to protect the American people are afraid they’re going to get sued.

And the American people have got to understand these lawsuits make it harder for us to convince people to help protect you. And so by blocking this good piece of legislation, our professionals tell me that they don’t have all the tools they need to do their job.

And so now the House and Senate are off on a 12-day recess without getting the people’s business done. And when they come back from that 12-day recess, the House leaders must understand that the decision they made to block good legislation has made it harder for us to protect you, the American people, and we expect them to get a good bill to my desk -- which is the Senate bill -- as soon as possible.

“Working collaboratively with us”. Yeah, I think of the phone companies as collaborators too.

His vocabulary is actually getting smaller, isn’t it? Refers to “good” legislation five times and to that good legislation being “blocked” another five times. The word “blocked” presumes that there is something unnatural in the legislative branch actively participating in shaping legislation, and yes, you can see where he might have gotten that idea. His refusal to countenance a temporary extension of the existing godawful act suggests he is less interested in keeping those “tools” (a word which appears six times) or preventing the terrorist act which would put 9/11 into the shade with which he has been threatening us all week, than with getting the D’s to once again give him that cowering subservience which is to him a drug so much more powerful and addictive than the booze and coke that fueled his 20s and 30s.

Ah, how fleeting is youth

Another milestone in the ageing process: I just broke the very last glass I stole from my college food service.

America is trapped in this notion that we care about human life

The BBC interviewed Bush today (video, transcript evidently made by someone who didn’t quite understand the Texas accent) about his Africa trip.

Why is he going? “I go where needed.”

As a special Valentine’s Day gift to you, gentle readers, I pass on to you that straightest of straight lines, and ask: where else is George needed?

The people of Africa might well contest the notion that they “need” George Bush, and indeed might contest the way he defines Africans solely as “people who are suffering from disease and hunger and hopelessness.” “[M]ine is a mission of mercy,” he says (and who knew he was familiar with the concept of mercy?), “and a mission of the cold realism of the world in which we live” because “The only way a radical can recruit is to find somebody who’s hopeless. I mean, their vision is, like, really dark and dim.”

GEORGE DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD “SEMINAL”: Says the decision not to send troops into Darfur was “a seminal decision. ... I think a lot of the folks who are concerned about America into another Muslim country.”

What about Steven Spielberg boycotting the Olympics over Darfur? “That’s up to him. I’m going to the Olympics. I view the Olympics as a sporting event.” It’s a desert topping! It’s a floor wax!

HE’S THE REMINDERER: “On the other hand, I have a little different platform than Steven Spielberg so, I get to talk to President Hu Jintao. And I do remind him that he can do more to relieve the suffering in Darfur. There’s a lot of issues that I suspect people are gonna, you know, opine, about during the Olympics. I mean, you got the Dali Lama crowd. You’ve got global warming folks.”

The Dali Lama “crowd.”

TRAPPED! “America is trapped in this notion that we care about human life. We respect human dignity. And that’s not a trap. That’s a belief.”

WHY DOES THE ELITE HATE ME SO MUCH?: “I hope by now people have learned that I’m not one of these guys that - really gives a darn about elite opinion.” On himself being associated in the world’s mind solely with Iraq: “Well, I mean... that’s what the current, you know, elite would like everybody to think about.”

WELL, THAT’S THE IMPORTANT THING: “And I’m happy with Iraq.”

HE GAVE US PIZZA AND BEER: “The decision to move Saddam Hussein was right.”

Asked if he regretted not listening to advice to use more troops in Iraq early on: “You know, my commanders didn’t tell me that early.”

On his threat to veto yesterday’s bill outlawing waterboarding and other forms of torture: “The reason I’m vetoing the bill – first of all, we have said that whatever we do is for legal... will be legal.” Only if you veto the bill making those things illegal. (And not even then, of course.)

Then he obnoxiously asked again (but with a use of verb tenses, although an awkward use, whcih I didn’t think he knew existed), “which attack would they have hoped that we wouldn’t have prevented?”

“SOME,” “SOME,” WE WANT NAMES: “Now, I recognize some say that these - terrorists - really aren’t that big a threat to the United States anymore. I fully disagree.”

Does the US still hold the moral high ground (Note to Matt Frei: “still”?): “Absolutely - absolutely. We believe in human rights and human dignity. We believe in the human condition.” We believe in the human condition? What the hell does that even mean? We believe humans should use conditioner?

He accuses the world of being too impatient with his policies: “You know, we live in a world like - and all due respect - the 24 hour news. We live in a world where everything’s, like, instant.” Really? Because the next 341 days seem, like, really long.

The Bushes are going to Africa!

This morning, Bush talked about his and Laura’s forthcoming trip to Africa.

OH GOD, HE’S GOING TO RE-START THE SLAVE TRADE: “Africa in the 21st century is a continent of potential. That’s how we view it.”

“Paternalism has got to be a thing of the past,” he said.

“PATERNALISM HAS GOT TO BE A THING OF THE PAST,” HE SAID: “I’m going to witness the generosity of the American people firsthand. It will give me a chance to remind our fellow citizens about what a compassionate people we are.”

AND WHAT ARE THE ORIENTED? “Let me say, I’m a results-oriented President, and so when I meet with you, I ask you, what are the results?”

OH GOD, HE’S GOING TO RE-START THE SLAVE TRADE: “We believe that every human life is precious.”


OH GOD, HE’S GOING TO RE-START THE SLAVE TRADE: “The new era is rooted in a powerful truth: Africa’s most valuable resource is not its oil, it’s not its diamonds, it is the talent and creativity of its people.”

WHAT WE BELIEVE: “We believe that countries can adopt the habits necessary to provide help for their people. That’s what we believe.”

“Joint venturing with good, capable people is what the future is all about.” Joint venturing is what you’re calling slavery, isn’t it?

NOT THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW HIS NAME, OF COURSE: “I’m looking forward to seeing the President of Tanzania, he’s a good guy.”

IN OTHER NOT AT ALL EMPTY WORDS: “In other words, these just weren’t empty words”.

OUR FUTURE SLAVES ARE DYING, DAMMIT!: “The greatest threat to Africa is disease.”

PLEASE DON’T TELL US ANY MORE ABOUT YOU DID WITH THE BED NETS, GEORGE: “One of the interesting gifts Laura and I got a couple of years ago for Christmas was bed nets in our name. It made us feel great.”

“PATERNALISM HAS GOT TO BE A THING OF THE PAST,” HE SAID: “Overall, more than two-thirds of the nations of sub-Saharan Africa are free. And for the rest, the direction of history is clear, so long as the United States does not lose its nerve, and retreat into isolationism and protectionism.”

Boost: Slang. To steal or rob, especially by shoplifting or pickpocketing

I do not think that word means what you think it means

Condi Rice and Robert Gates have an op-ed in the WaPo, suggesting that Congress should leave them alone to negotiate the terms of long-term occupation with Iraq, or as they repeatedly call it, a “normal” or “normalized” relationship. I’d have described it as more “abusive” than “normal,” but à chacun son goût.

A Very Chimpy African-American History Month

Bush was knee-deep in black people today.

In the morning he met with Mali’s President Amadou Toumani Touré (isn’t that a great name?), to whom he condescended thusly: “I was touched by the President’s concern about the life of the average citizen in Mali.”


In the afternoon it was time for Bush to celebrate African-American History Month. He explained, “As a civil society, we must understand that noose displays and lynching jokes are deeply offensive.” So I hope that’s clear now. Here he is with The Temptations and with Al Sharpton (who I think of as the anti-Temptation), and a bonus picture of Jenna and Aunt Condi.

What, me worry?

McCain: “The argument is really almost insulting to one’s intelligence to say how long we’re in Iraq... Anyone who worries about how long we’re in Iraq does not understand the military and does not understand war.” (Link, includes the video)

And anyone who thinks that the only consideration should be “understanding the military” does not understand democracy.

Mr. Obama, what would you say if you were surrounded by cannibals?

Obama in a speech yesterday (no link – seen on the News Hour): “I may be skinny, but I’m tough too.”

Republican humor

From the Republican Party website, these side-splitting Valentine’s Day cards:





Thank you, Republicans, for bringing this hilarity into our humdrum lives.

Vomitous Irony of the Day

George Bush’s tribute to the late Tom Lantos: “Tom was a living reminder that we must never turn a blind eye to the suffering of the innocent at the hands of evil men.”

Caption contest

Secretary of War Robert Gates and Colonel Combover in Baghdad.

Wherein an adjective is applied to Germany that is rarely applied to Germany

SecWar Robert Gates was just in Europe, or Old Europe as his predecessor called it when he went there to make friends and influence people. Gates is bitching about the Europeans’ unwillingness to send troops into combat in Afghanistan, because if there’s one thing that’s always effective with Europeans, it’s being hectored publicly. When Germany objected to his tone, he accused it of being “a little overly sensitive”.

History takes a long time for us to reach (Updated, with a scurrilous calumny)

Follow-up: Sgt Evan Vela (see previous post) sentenced to 10 years.

Secretary of War Robert Gates spoke at the Munich Conference on Security Policy today. A Russian member of parliament asked him in the Q&A whether the US hadn’t created its own problem in Afghanistan by funding the mujahedeen. Gates responded, “If we bear a particular responsibility for the role of the mujahedeen and Al Qaeda growing up in Afghanistan, it has more to do with our abandonment of the country in 1989 than our assistance of it in 1979.” So the lesson is, once you intervene in another country, you have to keep doing so, forever.

Bush was interviewed by Chris Wallace on Fox today (taped Friday).

CONVINCING TO CONVINCE: He said that McCain is a true conservative, that “His principles are sound and solid as far as I’m concerned,” but “if John is the nominee, he has got some convincing to do to convince people that he is a solid conservative.”

Speaking of solid, he says that Huckabee was fat and now isn’t, which is why he’d also be a good president. Or something: “I remember Mike when he weighed a lot and I’ll never forget getting off at the airplane and there he was at the foot of Air Force One and I couldn’t recognize him. And the reason I bring that up is he’s disciplined.”

He refused to believe that any Republican candidate could possibly disagree with him: “I’m sure that you can find quotes from people running for office that sound like they’re at odds with me.” What about Huckabee’s remark that Bush’s foreign policy showed an arrogant bunker mentality? “I think he has tried to walk back that position.”

But in the end, it all comes down to, um, reality: “And I confident that the nominee will be the person who is capable of assuring the American people, one, the reality, I see the reality. And secondly, I’ve got a plan to deal with it.”

On Barack Obama: “I certainly don’t know what he believes in.”

(Update: the Fox transcript is atrocious, getting curiously opaque when Bush fires this scurrilous calumny at Obama: “The only foreign policy thing I remember he said was he’s going to attack Pakistan and break the Mani Mijad (ph). I think (INAUDIBLE) that in a press conference.” The WaPo is clearer: “The only foreign policy thing I remember he said was he’s going to attack Pakistan and embrace Ahmadinejad.”)

On why it’s pointless to try to make rich people pay their taxes: “I promise you the Democrat party is going to field a candidate who says I’m going to raise your tax. If they’re going to say, oh, we’re only going to tax the rich people, but most people in America understand that the rich people hire good accountants and figure out how not to necessarily pay all the taxes and the middle class gets stuck.”

SUCCESS, YOU SAY? WHY THAT’S SO CRAZY, IT JUST MIGHT WORK! “You know, I met with General Petraeus when I was in Kuwait on my trip to the Middle East. And my message to the general was, success is paramount. And therefore, whatever you recommend, make it based upon the need to succeed.”

OR NOT: “But I will listen, give them careful consideration and make up my mind. But it is going to based upon whether or not we can succeed or not.”

ON WATERBOARDING PAST: “First of all, whatever we have done was legal...”

AND FUTURE: “...and whatever decision I will make will be reviewed by the Justice Department to determine whether or not the legality is there.”

A FAIR QUESTION: “And for those who criticize what we did in the past, I ask them, which attack would they rather have not permitted - stopped? Which attack on America did they - would they have said, well, you know, maybe it wasn’t all that important that we stop those attacks.”

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR TO NERVOUS NATIONS: “In my trip to the Middle East I made it abundantly clear to nervous nations that Iran is a threat. And that’s what the NIE said if you read it carefully.” However, “the NIE sends mixed signals.”

OUR GOAL IN IRAN: “To pressure them to the point where we hope somebody rational shows up and says, OK, it’s not worth it anymore.”

HISTORIOGRAPHY: “it’s very hard to write the future history of America before the current history hasn’t been fully written.” So true. “And as far as history goes and all of these quotes about people trying to guess what the history of the Bush administration is going to be, you know, I take great comfort in knowing that they don’t know what they are talking about, because history takes a long time for us to reach.”

BOOKS THAT HAVE WRITTEN: “There just isn’t - objective history. I don’t know how many books that have written about my administration, probably more than any other president, which actually says I’m doing something.” He’s said this before; he really believes there are more books about him than about Lincoln or JFK or FDR, because he’s just that important.

Asked what advice he might give his successor: “Rely upon a higher power to help you through the day.” He makes being president sound exactly like working a 12-step program.

Caption contest:

Noise... reduction?

Sgt Evan Vela, a member of a sniper team called the Painted Demons, is being court-martialed for the murder of an Iraqi civilian, whose sole crime was having happened across their hiding spot. “He was making too much noise,” according to the testimony of the man who gave the order (who was previously convicted, but only of planting an AK-47 on the body, and sentenced to time served).

Let’s see if I have this straight: he was making too much noise, so they... shot him. Twice.

(Update: sometimes there’s a fine line between clarity and insulting my gentle readers’ intelligence, but here goes: I’m not just saying that that was a morally questionable act, but that if you’re worried about noise, firing off guns may not be the thing to do.)

Is waterboarding a lifestyle choice or innate?

Tuesday, CIA director Michael Hayden objected in testimony to a Senate committee to the proposal to require CIA interrogators to adhere to the Army’s standards: “It would make no more sense to apply the Army’s Field Manual to CIA than it would to take the Army Field Manual on grooming and apply it to my agency, or the Army Field Manual on recruiting and apply it to my agency. Or, for that matter, the Army Field Manual on sexual orientation and apply it to my agency.” Which is more disturbing, his comparison of torture to grooming or to sexual orientation?

Although to give the CIA credit where it is due, they do not discriminate against torture-sexuals.

I just checked. Astonishingly, there are no Google hits for “torture-sexuals.”

Wherein is revealed the best vice president in history

Today it was Bush’s turn to address the Conservative Political Action Conference.

He called Cheney “the best Vice President in history. Mother may have a different opinion.” This is not only George acting out his daddy issues in public, but doing so in a forum of people who have nothing but contempt for his father.


Also: Vice Presidents John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt...?

NAMES, WHY DOES HE NEVER GIVE US NAMES? “We believe our nation has the right to defend itself -- even if sometimes others disagree.”

WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING PERMISSION SLIPS: “They tend to be suspicious of America’s exercise of global leadership -- unless, of course, we get a permission slip from international organizations.”

AND THEY WERE PROBABLY JUST WAITING TO BE ASKED, TOO: “And we darn sure didn’t seek the approval of groups like Code Pink and MoveOn.org before deciding what to do.”

“When I took office, our society was grappling with a troubling rate of drug use among our children. ... We believe people should be held responsible for their actions and we know that people can change their behavior. ... We helped move drug addicts from a culture of victimization to a culture of responsibility.” This from the serial drunk driver who somehow never got sent to jail, the guy who stopped showing up for his Air National Guard service the minute they introduced drug-testing.


WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE? “Six-and-a-half years ago, our country faced the worst attack in our history. I understood immediately that we would have to act boldly to protect the American people.”

NOTE TO WHITE HOUSE TRANSCRIBER: A [SIC] AFTER THE WORD PROGRESS WOULD ALSO BE GOOD. “Yet even the enemy recognizes the progress we’re being [sic] making.”