I felt I was pretty multilateral

George Bush the Elder, 83 years old, made a spectacular entrance today at the re-dedication of his presidential museum, being sodomized in free fall in mid-air high above College Station, Texas, before the chute opened, if you know what I mean.


Meanwhile, his son was hosting German Chancellor Angela Merkel at his Crawford ranch, now that they’ve gotten that Sarkozy smell out. Today they held a joint press conference, photographed here by the AP in the style of a Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom cameraman sneaking up on a couple of gazelles.


At one point, Bush used the only word of German he knows, “Jawohl,” to put her at her ease.

He said that they had “meaningful, strategic discussions.” For example, “The Chancellor and I had a series of discussions on important subjects, starting with a dinner we had last night.” It is unclear if he meant that he had a discussion at dinner, or a discussion about dinner, especially, as we shall see, given how he ended the presser.

He said, “We discussed Iran and our deep desire to solve this important issue diplomatically.” Iran is not an “issue,” it’s a country. Iran is not yet one of those place-names that stand for something else, like Hiroshima, Columbine, Vietnam, or Intercourse, Pennsylvania.


He explained that General Musharraf is an entirely trustworthy fellow: “I take a person for his word until otherwise.” And Mush has indeed given his word, which has always meant so much in the past: “I do want to remind you that he has declared that he’ll take off his uniform, and he has declared there will be elections, which are positive steps.” Naked elections are your answer for everything, aren’t they?


Bush thinks he has detected the source of the problem: “We also believe that suspension of the emergency decree will make it easier for the democracy to flourish.” Ya think?

He explained why “the democracy” in Pakistan isn’t a big deal: “I vowed to the American people we’d keep the pressure on [Al Qaida]. I fully understand we need cooperation to do so, and one country that we need cooperation from is Pakistan. That cooperation has been made easier by the fact that al Qaeda has tried to kill leaders in Pakistan several times.”

Indeed, he thinks the only thing Pakistanis care about is fightin’ Al Qaida: “He [Musharraf] fully understands the dangers of al Qaeda. Benazir Bhutto fully understands the dangers of al Qaeda. By far, the vast majority of people in Pakistan... understand the dangers of al Qaeda.” “And so I believe that we will continue to have good collaboration with the leadership in Pakistan.” Collaboration. What a fine choice of word.

A reporter asked Bush if he is behaving less unilaterally in foreign policy these days: “I felt I was pretty multilateral the first four years of my administration.” I do not think that word means what George thinks it means.

He explained why you may want to pass up that Craigslist job posting: “I want to remind you that if you’re the chief operating officer of al Qaeda, you haven’t had a good experience.” I mean, double-entry bookkeeping is just a joke to those people.

As is always the case when George and Angela get together, things turned a little creepy. And as always, Bush gets in the last word:

PRESIDENT BUSH: I’m now going to go feed the Chancellor a hamburger. (Laughter.) Right here, Crawford, Texas. No, well, I mean back over there. Thank you all.

CHANCELLOR MERKEL: Obviously, for me, as a person who originally came from Hamburg --

PRESIDENT BUSH: Yes.

CHANCELLOR MERKEL: -- it’s even more important.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Hamburger.