I’m a Plan A man

Today Bush was visited at Camp David by Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva.

Said Bush, “You come as a friend, we welcome you as a friend, and our discussions were very friendly.” You know, according to the WaPo, Dr. Seuss wrote The Cat in the Hat using a vocabulary of only 236 words. Just saying.


You know what’s not so friendly? Malaria. “There is no excuse for malaria to continuing to kill as many people as it does.” That malaria sure does need a good talking to.


As does Iran: “the British hostages issue is a serious issue because the Iranians took these people out of Iraqi water. ...They’re innocent, they were doing nothing, and they were summarily plucked out of water.” Summary plucking, a fate worse than death. And out of water, to boot.

Then he went on about Iran and nukes for a bit, concluding, “And I’m hopeful that the people of Iran will be tired of the isolation. I would hope that there would be some rationality amongst their leaders in choosing a better way forward for the people.” Funny, because that – and you’re all way ahead of me on this one, aren’t you? – is what I’ve been saying about the United States for years.


However, he went on, “the United States does believe that it’s in our interest that we have people-to-people exchanges.” He’s not referring to exchanging the British sailors for the Iranian diplomats or whatever they were who were seized in Iraq in January and still held by the US. No, he means wrestlers: “As I say, we have no problem with the Iranian people. As a matter of fact, we just sent a wrestling team to Iran, all attempting to make it clear to the Iranian people that we’re interested in having a constructive relationship, and it is the decisions of their government that are preventing that from happening.” Because nothing says constructive relationship like homoerotic grappling wrestling.


Speaking of constructive relationships, he reiterated his eternal support for the Gonzolator: “Attorney General Gonzales is an honorable and honest man, and he has my full confidence. He is providing documents for Congress to find the truth. He will testify in front of Congress, and he will tell the truth. ... But I will remind you, there is no credible evidence that there has been any wrongdoing.” So that settles that.

Asked if he had a Plan B if the Doha trade talks fail, he said, “I’ve been asked about Plan B’s before, on different subjects. And that kind of means you’re willing to retreat. I’m a Plan A man”. 236 words. Just saying.

George Bush likes peanuts as much as the next guy

Bush’s weekly radio address attacked the “emergency war spending bills” just passed, including their “arbitrary deadline for surrender and withdrawal in Iraq” and, once again, “secure peanut storage.” He needed to add the word secure so he could get to this little joke: “I like peanuts as much as the next guy...” (They’re not like those pretzels, which you think are your friends, then they try and choke you. Stoopid pretzels.) “...but I believe the security of our troops should come before the security of our peanut crop.” (What he may be admitting here is that the reason he was initially so slow to provide the troops in Iraq with the proper body armor was that he just assumed that, like peanuts, they came with their own natural protective shells.)


Also, the Democrats want to raise your taxes, we need to cut entitlements, special interest projects, reckless taxing and spending, yadda yadda yadda.

What’s wrong with putting a bag over her head?

We knew that members of the police were involved in the reprisal killings in Tal Afar earlier this week. There were even reports, which I haven’t heard confirmed, that the Iraqi military and police shot at each other as the military tried to stop the massacres. 18 of the police were arrested. And very shortly afterwards, the government, provincial rather than national near as I can make out, simply ordered them released. They may or may not have been re-arrested since then.

It’s disheartening when a thuggish and criminally stupid regime that is starving to death those of its citizens it doesn’t beat to death gets the unanimous public backing of its neighbors, as Zimbabwe’s Mugabe just has from the 14-nation Southern African Development Community (listen to its anthem here). That’s all I have to say about that.

Monty Python’s Terry Jones expresses his disgust at the Iranian treatment of the British sailors & marines: “And as for compelling poor servicewoman Faye Turney to wear a black headscarf, and then allowing the picture to be posted around the world - have the Iranians no concept of civilised behaviour? For God’s sake, what’s wrong with putting a bag over her head? ... It is also unacceptable that these British captives should be made to talk on television and say things that they may regret later. If the Iranians put duct tape over their mouths, like we do to our captives...” You get the idea.

Speaking of putting a bag over her head, the Bushies are bitching about Nancy Pelosi’s planned trip to Syria, which sends the wrong message. As opposed to Bush’s meeting this week with Gen. Vladimir Shamanov, the “Butcher of Chechnya.” While they’ve acknowledged that that meeting was a mistake, I haven’t noticed them doing anything to clarify their attitude towards the Butcher.

From the Butcher of Chechnya to the Kangaroo Skinner from Oz. David Hicks, the Australian who fought against the Northern Alliance in Afghanistan in 2001 before fleeing and selling his guns, being captured and spending 5 years in Guantanamo, plead guilty after his lawyer was kicked out of the military tribunal for refusing to sign an agreement to abide by rules that had not been written yet. The plea agreement includes provisions that he renounce all his previous claims about being beaten and tortured in Gitmo, declare that his detention was entirely lawful, not speak to the media for one year after his release, not sue the US for having been tortured, and not profit from, say, a book deal. And you know something? It’s kind of refreshing. At long last the US has stopped pretending that it doesn’t torture or that it has any interest in investigating allegations of abuse or torture. That the prosecutors had the authority to make such a deal, threatening Hicks with more years of confinement if he persisted in his claims of torture, tells you everything you need to know. He will serve out his sentence in an Australian prison, John Howard being willing to imprison one of his nationals on the basis of this miserable excuse for a trial. One wonders if he’s also promised to arrest Hicks if he violates the gag order.

Every time I come to Walter Reed my spirits are lifted

Bush went to Walter Reed today. “Every time I come to Walter Reed my spirits are lifted,” he said. So that makes it all worthwhile. Also, no one beat him death with their new prosthetic limb, so all in all a very successful visit.

He acknowledged the failures of Walter Reed and put the blame firmly on the non-humans responsible for them: “The problems at Walter Reed were caused by bureaucratic and administrative failures. The system failed you, and it failed our troops.” Also, a building failed our troops and it has been properly punished: “Building 18 has been closed. We’re fixing that which needs to be fixed, including, interestingly enough, putting a new roof on it.”

“This military system of ours, when you really think about it, just across the country, it’s very complex and it’s large.” Sir, you just blew my mind, sir!

“It requires a unique person to come here on a daily basis, and to heal the hurts of those who served our country.” I mean, he added, I only come here once a year or so for a photo op, and afterwards I have the willies for a month.

No, sorry, not the willies: he has his spirits lifted for a month.

Potential

Yesterday Secretary of War Robert

suggested to Congress that Guantanamo could be closed if only they changed the law to “address the concerns about some of these people who really need to be incarcerated forever, but that doesn’t get them involved in a judicial system where there is the potential of them being released, frankly.”

You have to keep explaining to them, very patiently, what it is necessary to do

Astonishingly, Blair did not win over the Iranians with his devastating argument: 29 degrees 50.36 minutes north, 048 degrees 43.08 minutes east. Both sides are taking umbrage at a fearsome rate, breaking it down into its constituent particles of outrage and processing it into great steaming piles of righteous indignation. The Iranians had promised to release the chain-smoking sailor Faye Turney, but backtracked when Britain refused to admit it was in the wrong. Then it released a letter written by Turney (assuming her native tongue is Persian-badly-translated-into-stilted-English), admitting the incursion and calling on Britain to pull out of Iraq. Blair said it was a “disgrace actually, when people are used in that way.” He explained his tactics: “What you have to do when you are engaged with people like the Iranian regime, you have to keep explaining to them, very patiently, what it is necessary to do and at the same time make them fully aware there are further measures that will be taken if they’re not prepared to be reasonable.” I don’t know how they can fail to respond favorably to such an approach.

Interesting story in the Indy about how Turkey has restored a 1000-year-old Armenian Christian church abandoned during the Armenian genocide as a symbol of Turkey’s new-found tolerance, but won’t allow it to have a cross or be re-consecrated.

Marijuana, like Viagra, is evidently not kosher for Passover (which the pro-cannabis Green Leaf Party in Israel points out means that it must be kosher the rest of the year). Probably just as well: the munchies and gefilte fish are not a good combination.

Speaking of not a good combination, George Bush spoke today. About the war supplemental bill. “[W]e expect there to be no strings on our commanders,” he said. Really, he should take that up with their tailors.

He also attended a ceremony at which Congressional Gold Medals were awarded to some of the Tuskegee Airmen. For your captioning pleasure, some pictures of Bush with Nancy Pelosi and Robert Byrd.

How to get the attention of the American people in a positive way

As he so fearsomely threatened, Tony Blair has released hard evidence that the British sailors were seized within Iraqi waters (actually, floating on top of Iraqi waters, one would assume). Here is that hard evidence: 29 degrees 50.36 minutes north, 048 degrees 43.08 minutes east. Pretty much conclusive, huh?

Title of a Bush speech: “President Bush Discusses Economy, War on Terror During Remarks to the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association.”

“It’s good to be with fellow conservationists,” he told the ranchers.

“[T]here’s a fundamental debate in Washington, when you really get down to it,” he told them, “and the debate is who best to spend your money. And I believe a cattleman can spend their money better than the government can.” So there’s a fundamental debate in Washington over whether cattlemen can spend money better than the government. This was in fact a point of division between Madison and Hamilton in the Federalist Papers (Madison, not surprisingly, said it was the cattlemen).

“I say the tax cuts work. Since we enacted major tax reform in 2003, in response to recession and a terrorist attack, this economy of ours has created more than 7 million jobs”. Tax cuts were a response to 9/11?

“When I’m talking to [foreign] leaders and they’ve got an issue with American beef, it’s on the agenda. I say, if you want to get the attention of the American people in a positive way, you open up your markets to U.S. beef.” Also, “Every time we break down a barrier to trade, it makes it more likely somebody who’s raising a cow will have an opportunity to sell that cow into a better market.” Not better for the cow, mind you.

He did not say whether the Iraqis have gotten the attention of the American people in a positive way by opening up their markets to US beef, but he did say – and in this case his inability to correctly use prepositions is accidentally revealing – “And then they elected a government underneath that constitution.”

He’s also not good with verb forms, saying twice that “The lesson of September the 11th must not be forgot.” Or possibly he’s confusing the lesson of September 11 with old acquaintance and auld lang syne.

The Iraqi people, he says, “see positive changes.” In proof of this, he quoted... wait for it... “two Iraqi bloggers -- they have bloggers in Baghdad, just like we’ve got here”. He didn’t mean Riverbend, who hasn’t posted in more than a month. Actually, I don’t know who he meant, since the alleged quote he gave from these alleged Iraqi alleged bloggers about how everything is so much better now, is nowhere to be found on the web, according to alleged Google.

[Update: It’s evidently the blog Iraq the Model (which I don’t know, although its blogroll is entirely right-wing and, while long, fails to include Juan Cole or Riverbend), but the quotes he used seem to be from a Wall Street Journal op-ed by the two rather than the blog. Sheryl Gay Stolberg of the NYT points out that the bloggers met Bush in the White House in 2004.]

“If the House bill becomes law, our enemies in Iraq would simply have to mark their calendars.” And they’d probably mark them with smiley faces. SMILEY FACES!

He doesn’t recall having recollections

Dana Perino clears up the question of whether Alberto Gonzales was involved in the decision to fire the US attorneys: “he says he doesn’t recall having recollections about having deliberative discussions about the ongoing process”.

How many of these stupid alternative fuels photo ops can Bush hold? Today he went to see some Post Office and FedEx trucks which are powered by electricity or switch grass or clean coal technology or possibly windmills. He said, “The goal I laid out of reducing gasoline by 20 percent over 10 years is a realistic goal. In other words, this isn’t a pipe dream,” adding, “In other words, this isn’t a dream about a pipe.”

Don’t make him cartographical. You wouldn’t like him when he’s cartographical

Tony Blair says that if Iran doesn’t hand back the 15 British sailors, “this will move into a different phase.” He may be forced to bring out... the maps. And coordinates. Which will prove (somehow) that they were in Iraqi and not Iranian waters. Said a Blair spokesmodel early in the day, “We so far have not made explicit why we know that, because we don’t want to escalate this.”


Blair said, “In the end, it is a question really for the Iranian government as to whether they want to abide by international law or not.” After all, it’s not like the British military is in Iraqi waters as part of a war that violates... oh, you know.

Tuesday Blair also attended a service at Westminster Abbey to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade. A black protester shouted that the queen should apologize, both for the slave trade and for what she was wearing.

Condi does it in parallel and with each of them bilaterally

At the last press conference (I pray to great muppety Odin) of Condi’s triumphal trip to the Middle East, she repeatedly called Abbas and Olmert “serious people.” Maybe the joke was just too subtle for her.

NO USE SITTING ALONE IN YOUR ROOM: “And so I think the really important thing that we’ve done over the last few months is that they’re not in their corners; they’re in the same room and they’re going to walk down a path together.”

NOT, REPEAT, NOT A DOUBLE ENTENDRE: “As you will remember, when I came here I talked a lot about doing this in parallel and doing it with each of them bilaterally”.

REALLY, NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY A DOUBLE ENTENDRE: “But last time I was here, I think we were able to regroup in a sense. We were able to hold the trilateral. But then the question became what would the Palestinians and Israelis be able to do together.”

Fixating and sensationalizing

The city of New York is asking federal court to keep the records of police surveillance and infiltration of activist groups prior to the 2004 Republican National Convention sealed. It offers superb arguments: 1) the media would “fixate upon and sensationalize them”. Yes, that would be just like the media (at least, now that the long national nightmare of waiting to find out what drugs were in Anna Nicole Smith’s system is over). They might indeed “fixate” on them rather than, as the NYPD would prefer, “ignore” them (and the details I’ve seen so far do not require further sensationalization). 2) The “documents were not written for consumption by the general public.” So, if I’m following this logic correctly, they should be kept from the general public because the spies didn’t want the public to see them.

Another George Monbiot article on why biofuels suck. Judge it for yourselves.

Odd headline in the WaPo about the referendum on various authoritarian measures in already authoritarian Egypt: “Apathy Marks Constitutional Vote in Egypt.” The opposition called for a boycott, so maybe the low turnout is just possibly the result of something other than apathy.

Headline of the day (AP): “Report: Boy Competent in School Killing.”

Alberto Gonzales and his (snicker) integrity

Alberto Gonzales was interviewed by NBC today (the link is to the transcript. The 10-minute video on the page is only viewable 1) after watching a commercial, 2) on Internet Explorer. I’m not sure which is more obnoxious). He says that he and his family have been “pained” by the attacks on his credibility. “I grew up with nothing but my integrity. And someday, when I leave this office, I am confident that I will leave with my integrity.” Well, can you remember when you last saw it?

He denied that he personally had any improper motives in firing the attorneys. “I know the reasons why I made the decision,” he said several times, although he doesn’t actually say what those reasons were and he’s claiming a Reaganesque management style such that he didn’t know anything at all about the work of his US attorneys and left the decisions on who to fire up to subordinates who do. One wonders what he actually does all day. Looks under couch cushions for his integrity, I guess.

He also said, repeatedly and specifically, that there was “nothing in the documents” to prove improper motives. If that isn’t reassuring enough, “I’ve asked the Office of Professional Responsibility at the department to look into this. And — they will be working, along with the Office of Inspector General, to make it clear and reassure the American people that nothing improper happened here.” Because nothing is more reassuring than the investigators’ boss telling us what the results of the investigation will be before it has taken place.

Gonzo & Goodling & Die Yort

Alberto Gonzales’s senior counsel Monica Goodling will refuse to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Goodling took a leave of absence earlier this month. Whether that’s paid or unpaid I don’t know. It should be paid since she’s doing the same job, ensuring that the truth is not told to Congress, that she did before going on leave.

Okay, regular readers will have figured out right away that the reason I’m writing about this is because I want to point out that if there was ever a perfect name for an employee for the Department of Justice (she used to be its spokesmodel, too), it is Monica Goodling.

The Justice Dept website’s front page currently shows Gonzales putting a, ah, er, good face on things (click to enlarge, if you dare).


See, that’s what he and the US attorneys should be doing, is the message here, combating the sexual abuse and exploitation of children in Colorado. Troy Eid is not as justice departmenty a name as Monica Goodling, but it is Die Yort spelled backwards, for whatever that’s worth.

I’m quite flexible on what geometry we use

Some more diplo-gibberish from Condi in the Middle East, much of it about the “road map.” She explained, “The roadmap is really a kind of framework.” How will we use this roadmap, which is really a kind of framework? “We’ll use many different geometries, I’m sure, as we go through this process, but the key is to continue down this road toward a two-state solution.” And in a press briefing, she added, “I’m quite flexible on what geometry we use.” I’m not sure, but the different “geometries” may have something to do with the “political horizon” she keeps talking about (“if you’re going to talk about a political horizon, you have to know what issues people think are blocking the horizon”), or possibly about her holding talks with Abbas and Olmert separately, that is, “I think they have to move more also in parallel”. Somehow, I don’t think Condi remembers any more of her high school geometry than I do.

She accused Iran of “putting negative Iranian influence into an already difficult situation”.

She says Bush is really quite involved in the Middle East process, really he is. “[A]nd you know I’m with the President a lot, and it is almost always a subject when we are together.” Hoo baby. “He is, after all, the author of the two-state solution more than you will probably ever know because when he was putting that speech together, it was the President who insisted on being clear that we were talking about the formation of a Palestinian state and even clearer what it would be called.”

Readers may suggest in comments what Bush wanted to call the Palestinian state. Not-Jew-istan?

Asked in Egypt why the US didn’t pressure Israel to give up its nukes, Condi replied, “we’ve long said we hope that the day will come when there is no need for any state to contemplate the need for weapons of this kind in the Middle East.”

So while I was looking for a nice picture of Condi to put on this post – you know, this sort of thing...


... I ran across this picture, which the AFP has captioned, “Members of the Hamas security forces show off their combat skills during their graduation ceremony in Gaza City”.


Reading three of these transcripts in a row is doing funny things to my brain. A reporter, following up about Saudi Arabia’s role, said, “Yeah, but you said hope and assume...” At which point I thought, “Yes, and if you assume, you make an ass of u and me; and if you hope, you make a ho pee.” I think it may be time to lie down and watch tonight’s Simpsons.

Talking about the political horizon in parallel

Condi Rice is in the Middle East, doing her darndest to solve that region’s problems. While Israeli PM Olmert is insisting that Palestine shouldn’t even have formed a government before the release of Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit, Condi is spewing platitudes and inanities about “establish[ing] a common agenda” and how “I think it can help all of us to have a destination in mind. I think this time it is best to talk about that political horizon in parallel. But I sincerely hope in the future the parties themselves can talk about the political horizon themselves.”

Fareed Zakaria lists the many promises the Maliki regime has made about reconciliation which have not been kept.

The Novgorod police broke up the demonstration yesterday, with great violence. A spokesmodel for the city claimed it was necessary to protect the children in the area. But as I mentioned yesterday, it was the government itself that put them there, in a children’s festival they scheduled in the location the demonstration organizers had announced they would be using.

In a statement about the British sailors seized by Iran in the Tonkin Gulf the territorial waters of Iraq and/or Iran, Tony Blair seems rather worried that Iran isn’t getting the message that he doesn’t, you know, like that sort of thing: “I hope the Iranian government understands how fundamental an issue this is for us. We have certainly sent the message back to them very clearly indeed. They should not be under any doubt at all about how seriously we regard this act, which is unjustified and wrong.”

Caption contest:

Arbitrary

Once again in today’s radio address, Bush attacked the Iraq bill for including funds for non-war-related things such as peanut storage. Peanut storage is sort of a sore subject for Bush, who as a child had to be taken to the hospital 57 times after stuffing peanuts up his nose.

Speaking to the Republican Jewish Coalition Leadership, Dick Cheney demanded “that Congress should make all the tax cuts permanent -- and that includes ending the federal death tax.” The death tax is sort of a sore subject for Cheney, because he is one of the undead, which is kind of a gray area, death-tax wise.

Cheney went on to accuse Congress of “not supporting the troops, they’re undermining them.” He went on, “And when members of Congress speak not of victory but of time limits, deadlines, or other arbitrary measures, they’re telling the enemy simply to run out the clock and wait us out.” It’s interesting that it’s deadlines he labels arbitrary, since there are hardly any objective criteria for the achievement of “victory.” If Bush declared “victory,” it would be (to quote the dictionary definition of arbitrary), “based on random choice or personal whim... contingent solely upon one’s discretion.”

The Sunday Times of London says that Russian tv stations have been given lists of politicians who may not ever be mentioned on-air. Un-persons, if you will. And up in Socialist Heaven, George Orwell is saying, “1984 wasn’t meant to be a user’s manual, you know.”

The WaPo Style Invitational is good this week. Unreal facts. Some of them:

A man in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, has created a ball of string the size of the planet Jupiter.

The plays of Shakespeare were actually written by a different person with the same name.

In Kenya, the native land of Barack Obama's father, the word "barack" can be translated as either "clean" or "articulate."

In France, the musical "Les Misérables" is known as "The Miserables."

One out of every 14 e-mails offering big money for help in an African currency exchange is genuine.

An unopened can of Spam found in a pharaoh's tomb was still edible after 4,000 years.

No two snowflakes are completely different.

Before World War II, Almond Joy candy bars contained real joy.

Eskimos have more words for "snot" than for "snow."

Of course they couldn’t have done the children’s festival thing with Chavez, because everyone knows he eats babies

From the Guardian, more on the increasing authoritarianism of Russia. Lots of details, including the banning of yet another party, but here’s my favorite bit:

The mayor’s office [in Nizhny Novgorod] announced a children’s festival on the site of the proposed march, and blocked off the road to carry out what it said were urgent repairs.

Speaking of rallies, the US’s Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns, at the Council of Americas, said that Argentina shouldn’t have allowed Hugo Chavez to hold his rally in Buenos Aires at the same time as Bush was in Uruguay earlier this month. “I didn’t think that was the right thing to do.” Really, when George Bush is speaking, it’s just good manners for everyone on whatever continent he’s speaking on to keep quiet and still and listen respectfully. Were you people born in a granero?

Because the pig is really more of an autumn

Tom Tancredo says of proposed immigration legislation, “It’s another attempt to change the color of the lipstick they keep putting on the pig.” You know, putting lipstick on a pig really sounds like a job you’d hire an illegal immigrant to do.

It soothes my spirit to be with you

Today George Bush celebrated Greek independence day, the anniversary of the day Delta House declared independence from the tyrannical rule of Dean Wormer.


And then he looked into the big brown eyes of Archbishop Demetrios...


“One of the joys about being the President is you get to meet some pretty interesting people,” he said. “And it gives me great -- it soothes my spirit to be with you,” he said. “I thank you for your spirituality,” he said. And then he celebrated a little Greek independence of his own, if you know what I mean.

The Democrats have sent their message, now it’s time to send their money

The House passed its war spending bill, such as it is. Bush was furious. He was furious in front of that painting of George Washington, and some guys in funny hats, and little girls dressed identically.



The “narrow majority,” he exclaimed, had “abdicated its responsibility” to do what he told them to do. It was “political theater” “to score political points” because the bill “has no chance of becoming law” (remember, when he persists in something that has no chance of succeeding, it’s principled steadfastness, when others do so, it’s theater, and you know what sort of people do theater: homosexuals!) (I may be over-interpreting here).

Congress “set rigid restrictions that will require an army of lawyers to interpret.” Dude, I have a compromise: send the army of lawyers to Iraq and bring the regular army home. That way, everyone’s happy (except the lawyers, who don’t count). As Shakespeare said, “Let’s draft all the lawyers.”

“Democrats want to make clear that they oppose the war in Iraq. They have made their point. For some, that is not enough.” I know! like impotently making their point wasn’t enough for these people, they actually wanted to translate it into concrete action of some sort. “The Democrats have sent their message, now it’s time to send their money.” Whose money?

Interesting typo in the transcript (I hope it’s a typo, I haven’t seen the video): “Our men in women in uniform should not have to worry that politicians in Washington will deny them the funds and the flexibility they need to win.”

Anyway, Congress “needs” to send him a “clean bill.” Because cleanliness is next to godliness, or something.

Bush doesn’t make it explicit here, but the new line from the Bushies is that if funding is delayed, new troops won’t be trained for Iraq, so they’ll have to extend the tours of the soldiers over there now, and it’ll all be the Democrats’ fault.

The madness of anti-war crowds on the internet

With all his folksy mannerisms, Bill Clinton could make you forget that he was very much an elitist, top-down type of leader, not at all welcoming of activists and activism. He reminded us of this yesterday when he suggested that poor Hillary is being portrayed, in relation to the Iraq war, in a way that’s “just not fair,” in order “to allow [Barack Obama] to become the raging hero of the anti-war crowd on the Internet”. I will leave it as an exercise for the reader to decide which phrase is more condescending and/or contemptuous, “anti-war crowd” or “on the Internet.”

He went on to insist (in a conference call to Hillary fundraisers) that the 2002 resolution wasn’t really a vote for war but for “coercive inspections.” I guess it all depends on what the meaning of “coercive inspections” is. Still, I don’t recall her saying “Wait, that’s not I voted for” when Bush used that resolution as permission to invade Iraq. Bill says that Hillary’s refusal to apologize for her vote is from concern that future presidents might need similar resolutions for coercive inspections. Wonder which countries he has in mind to be coercively inspected?

You’re welcome, Jon Stewart

Couldn’t help but notice that last night’s Daily Show (the clip “Reasonable Proposal”) contained the exact same response to Bush’s remark about the US Attorneys – “I named them all” – as I posted Tuesday, a joke about Bush’s propensity to assign nicknames to people, right down to one of those nicknames being “Stinky.”

I’m sure my check is in the mail.

Been in this process too long

As the talks with North Korea are on the verge of breakdown, US chief negotiator Christopher Hill comments, “The day I’m able to explain to you North Korean thinking is probably the day I’ve been in this process too long.” That’s actual Bush administration policy, you know: on the actual day you finally master the skills necessary to do your job competently, they fire you.

Which brings us to the US attorneys, specifically a WaPo editorial telling everyone to just calm down, to let go of the “stubbornness and overheated rhetoric on both sides,” which “threaten an unnecessary constitutional crisis that would only bog down the inquiry in a distracting fight over process.” I really dislike these lazy editorials that come up during every scandal – or “supposed scandal,” as the editorial calls this one – accusing both sides of being equally unreasonable. It’s the editorial equivalent of a Joe Lieberman “oh everybody in Washington (except me) is just so unreasonable and partisan” speech. The authors could write them in their sleep, and most likely do.

You know there’s something seriously wrong with it when the piece characterizes Bush’s take-it-or-fuck-off offer as “Alberto R. Gonzales would set the record straight in new hearings...” Yeah, Gonzales... record... straight...

The Post suggests that Gonzales and other Justice Dept officials testify first and then, only “if questions remain” should Karl Rove and Harriet Miers be interviewed. Of course, any familiarity with the facts makes it clear that the decision to fire the attorneys was made in the White House rather than the Justice Dept, that Gonzales has never made a big decision by himself in his whole career, so it is clearly impossible for Gonzo and the Gonzettes not to leave questions remaining (which is why I’ve sadly had to forgo calling this scandal GonzoGate).

The WaPo thinks Rove and Miers should testify on the record but needn’t do so under oath because it’s already illegal to lie to Congress. If it really makes no difference either way, there’s no reason not to swear them in. Makes you wonder why anyone is ever sworn in. (I’m not sure what the legal difference is, possibly that the oath to tell the whole truth is a higher standard, that the statute against lying to Congress doesn’t cover lies by omission.)

The Post thinks Bush should accept its eminently reasonable recommendations: “If Mr. Bush is serious about wanting the truth to come out, he will relent on this issue.”

You know someone’s been in the editorial-writing business too long if they can write, without laughing uproariously for hours, the phrase “If Mr. Bush is serious about wanting the truth to come out...”

Elsewhere in the paper, the WaPo reports on political interference in the government lawsuit against the tobacco companies. But what you never hear much about is the policy, dating from Ashcroft, of Justice systematically ordering US attorneys to demand the death penalty in cases where they didn’t think it warranted, as part of a policy to spread the federal death penalty evenly over the country, imposing it on non-death-penalty states, in other words overriding the prosecutors because of policy rather than the facts of the individual cases. I know of no case in the last 6 years that went the other direction, with a US attorney who wanted to seek the death penalty ordered not to.

Quite a considerable Tonga population in the U.S.

Today Bush met with New Zealand’s prime minister, Helen Clark.

Bush said of their discussions, “We talked about the South Pacific.” No doubt he gave a rousing rendition of “There is Nothing Like a Dame.” “And I praised the Prime Minister on her leadership in dealing with some difficult issues. I assured her that our government would want to help in any way we can. We understand this is a -- some of the countries there have got difficult issues”. There was no Q&A, perhaps because they were afraid somebody would ask him to name some of the countries there in the South Pacific, and give a précis of their difficult issues.

Clark informed him that there is “Quite a considerable Tonga population in the U.S., as well as in New Zealand.” Lord only knows what Bush thinks a Tonga might be.

She also made this unlikely statement: “The president is very familiar with the work New Zealand has been doing in Afghanistan”. Really, any statement about Bush containing the words “is very familiar” is by definition unlikely.

Bush summarized their discussions thus: “All in all, I found it to be a constructive conversation, such a good conversation I’ve decided to invite her for lunch.”

We can only conjuncture whether she found this condescending and obnoxious. Nevertheless, I entitle this series of photographs, “Dear God, how I loathe him.”

I enjoyed walking up and down the line, shaking people’s hands

Today, Bush went to a Ford assembly plant in Missouri at which they make hybrid SUVs and suchlike.

I’ve always assumed that Bush’s grammar is so bad in part because he never actually listens when other people speak and thereby learns how English am to be spoken, but mostly because he’s lazy and sloppy and can’t think two words ahead. From this speech, for example, “it makes sense for us to promote that kind of technologies” and “it’s now becoming in the marketplace” and “in a relatively quick period of time.” Sloppy. Here, though, he actually stops and uncorrects himself: “My impressions are -- is that American automobile companies are essential to keeping us competitive”.

Simple pleasures for simple minds: “I enjoyed walking up and down the line, shaking people’s hands.”

He said that one way to reduce gas use 20% in 10 years – “I call it Twenty Ten” – is “to encourage consumption of hybrid automobiles.” They’re delicious with steak sauce. Although they’re not exactly “zero emissions,” if you know what I mean.

He wisely informed the plant workers, “Remember, oil is the feedstock for gasoline.”

“It may sound far-fetched to some that one of these days we’ll be making a product that can go into a Ford pickup truck out of wood chips”. Wait, is the fuel made out of wood chips, or the pickup truck?

He finds himself sooooo interesting: “It’s really interesting, isn’t it, for the President to be talking about one of these days people driving pickup trucks driven by ethanol -- fueled by ethanol from wood chips? Is it real? I think it is. Otherwise I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you about it.” Well, I’m convinced.

Caption contest:

The proposal I put forward is the proposal

While I was taking a nap, Bush spoke to reporters about the firing of the US Attorneys. Of course, the only error was in the PR, not the policy: “Neither the Attorney General, nor I approve of how these explanations were handled.”

And of course we can’t have anyone testify under oath with transcripts: “if the staff of a President operated in constant fear of being hauled before various committees to discuss internal deliberations, the President would not receive candid advice, and the American people would be ill-served.” If the possibility of having to repeat what you say privately in public produces “constant fear” in you, maybe you shouldn’t be saying that stuff in private either.


“Yet, in this case, I recognize the importance of members of Congress having -- the importance of Congress has placed on understanding how and why this decision was made.” Phew, for a minute there, he almost acknowledged that there exists a right of Congressional oversight, before he caught himself and said that it’s only Congress that places importance on this. Even then, he notes that Republicans don’t believe in this, describing his offer of limited, secret, unsworn, interviews as being “offered to the majority in Congress”. But “we will not go along with a partisan fishing expedition aimed at honorable public servants.” The word “partisan” in this context is a gratuitous insult of the motives of members of Congress, more so when coupled with a description of Karl Rove et al as “honorable.” The denunciation of “fishing expeditions,” of course, is the last refuge of people with a whole lot of rotten fish to hide (is that a mixed ichthyological metaphor?). He went on to warn Democrats against “head[ing] down the partisan road of issuing subpoenas and demanding show trials”. Will a reporter ask him who is demanding show trials? I can’t wait to get to the Q&A part of the transcript and find out.


He says it is common for people to complain about the US attorneys. “Some complained about the lack of vigorous prosecution of election fraud cases, while others had concerns about immigration cases not being prosecuted.” The choice of the word “cases” suggests that there in fact were cases, i.e., violations of the law requiring prosecution, which the attorneys chose to ignore.

He tells Democrats it’s “not too late... to drop the partisanship” and not “waste time and provoke an unnecessary confrontation”. Wow, that wasn’t partisan and confrontational at all.

In the Q&A, he repeats that the admin did nothing improper, but since the US attorneys “serve at the pleasure of the president,” this is rather like saying the US doesn’t torture, using a ridiculously high standard for what constitutes torture. Bush repeated the “pleasure of the president” thing, adding, “I named them all.” You know, Stinky and Big Guy and Lammikins and Igloo-man...

“And I put forth what I thought was a rational proposal, and the proposal I put forward is the proposal.”


Bush is, of course, the only person in government who matters. Asked if Gonzales can be effective when no one supports him, Bush said, “Yes, he’s got support with me. I support the Attorney General. I told you in Mexico I’ve got confidence in him; I still do.”

Q: How about now, Mr. President?

Bush: Yes.

Q: And now?

Bush: Yes.

Q: Well, what about now? ...


His eyes are following me, aren’t they?

Chimpy & the Gators: I congratulate all those who pick up the towels

On the presumably solemn occasion of the beginning of the 5th year of the war in Iraq, Bush scheduled a visit, not to Walter Reed, not to a military base, but with a college football team, the Florida Gators, in which he told jokes and generally yucked it up. And he got a t-shirt and a football. He’d show up at the amputee wing of Brooke Army Medical Center more often if they gave him a t-shirt and a football.


He called the Gators “a well-coached team.” Compare and contrast with the US military. And indeed, compare and contrast his speech earlier in the day – “I’m grateful to our servicemen and women... I’m grateful to our military families for all the sacrifices they have made for our country” – with the photo op with the Gators: “And so I congratulate not only the players, but I congratulate the coaching staff. I congratulate all those who pick up the towels and make the program run.”

Caption contest:

Happy 4th birthday, Iraq War! They’re so cute at that age.

Bush gave a little speech for the 4th anniversary (8 Friedman Units) of the Old Iraq War, with a painting of Teddy Roosevelt, presumably in Cuba, behind him. He didn’t spend much time on the Old Iraq War, which was initiated “to eliminate the threat [Saddam Hussein’s] regime posed to the Middle East and to the world.” He moves right on before you can ask, “Without the WMDs you said he had, what threat was that, monkey boy?”


It’s another clean-slate moment for George, like quitting drinking and 9/11. He wants us to forget the boring Old Iraq War and focus on the New Iraq War, the “Baghdad security plan.” The New Iraq War is bright and fresh and, ya know, new, and isn’t bogged down after four long years, no, it’s “still in the early stages,” so what are you people being all impatient about? It will “take months, not days or weeks.” So, 4 or 30 times longer.

“It can be tempting,” he says, “to look at the challenges in Iraq and conclude our best option is to pack up and go home. That may be satisfying in the short run” but blah blah contagion of violence blah safe haven blah blah. Yes, opposition to the war is all about giving in and doing what’s “satisfying,” it’s just self-indulgence and you people make me sick.

I think that the way I would characterize it is so far, so good

I’m half-way through watching An Inconvenient Truth, so it’s cheering to hear Hillary Clinton talk seriously about energy conservation: “I turn off a light and say, ‘Take that, Iran,’ and ‘Take that, Venezuela.’ We should not be sending our money to people who are not going to support our values.” I leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine which “values” her comment illustrates.

She also said that the war in Iraq should never have been started but that now, “we have to end the war in the right way.” I wonder how many people throughout history have died pointlessly because someone wanted to end a war “in the right way.”

---

On Face the Nation (pdf), Secretary of War Robert

adopted the cheery optimism about Iraq that made his predecessor so beloved: “I think that the way I would characterize it is so far, so good.”

He did, however, distinguish himself from Rumsfeld in one respect. Where Rummy had his staff affix his signature to letters of condolence to the families of dead soldiers with an autosigner, Gates says, “I always add three or four lines in handwritten personal feelings at the end.” It’s the least he can do. The very least.

He utilized what is evidently a new bit of Pentagon terminology, for the practice of insurgents leaving Baghdad during the “surge” and carrying on as usual elsewhere in Iraq: “a squirting effect.”

Speaking of surge ‘n squirt, Gates said he had “too much on his plate” to think about revising Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Yeah, yeah, you were all thinking it.

---

Are the protesters all gone yet?

If you’re going to San Francisco, Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

The agreement forming the new Hamas-Fatah Palestinian government includes a standard phrase that there is a right to resist Israeli occupation. The United States opposes this, a State Dept spokesmodel saying, “The national unity government’s platform reference to the right of resistance is disturbing and contradicts the Quartet principles of renunciation of violence”. So it is official US policy that Israeli occupation of and military actions in Palestine may not be resisted.

The LAT has an editorial about the 2,264 ethnic Japanese people that the US took from Latin America, mostly from Peru, during World War II and interned in Texas. 13 countries cooperated with the US in this mass kidnapping, usually without putting anything down on paper, since it so blatantly violated international law. A few of them were exchanged for Americans captured by Japan, some were still interned in 1948, and very few were ever allowed to return to the countries that had connived in their seizure. When the US started paying reparations to interned Japanese-Americans in 1990, it refused to pay these internees (eventually some did get paid, 1/4 as much) for the reason – which the LAT doesn’t make clear enough – that they had been... illegal immigrants.

Moving on without any ironic segue whatsoever, Republicans are gearing up to object to any move to close down Guantanamo and move those prisoners into US military brigs on the mainland. Various congresscritters are saying they don’t want them in Florida or South Carolina or wherever. Says John Boehner, “If Democrats seriously want to import known terrorists -- captured in the field of battle against American troops -- perhaps we can set them up with a nice sunny spot in San Francisco?” Sunny spot? Has he ever been to San Francisco?

How come the WaPo quoted only part of a pro-war banner held by counter-protesters in Washington, “You dishonor our dead on Hallowed ground” (meaning Arlington), and left out the words above that, visible in a picture in the LAT, “Go to hell traitors”?

The WaPo, in an unrevealing article about how McCain is joined at the hip with the Iraq war, quotes a stump speech in Iowa, in which he claims that the people fighting us in Iraq aren’t really interested in Iraq per se: “I am convinced that if we lose this conflict and leave, [the terrorists] will follow us home. It’s not Iraq they are trying to take.” Then why don’t they just skip the Iraq segment of what McCain calls “this titanic struggle between good and evil” and come here now?

No, George, no you shouldn’t

Bush, at a “shamrock ceremony” with Irish Taoiseach Bertie Ahern, proved that he speaks Irish just as well as he speaks Spanish: “good morning --or should I say, ‘top o’ the morning.’” (At 5:18 into this video)

Way too happy about getting a bowl of weeds shamrocks.

In Britain, the coroner in the “We’re going to jail, dude” case, in which American planes fired on a British convoy in Iraq, has ruled that the pilots acted unlawfully by disregarding their rules of engagement.

Israeli Prime Minister Olmert’s office sent a letter to the editor of the house organ of an Arab political party, saying, “The Shin Bet security service will thwart the activity of any group or individual seeking to harm the Jewish and democratic character of the State of Israel, even if such activity is sanctioned by the law,” with the “force of the principle of a democracy that defends itself.” I assume that’s a misprint and they intended to say “the farce of the principle of a democracy”.

No, George, no you shouldn’t

Bush, at a “shamrock ceremony” with Irish Taoiseach Bertie Ahern, proved that he speaks Irish just as well as he speaks Spanish: “good morning --or should I say, ‘top o’ the morning.’” (At 5:18 into this video)

Way too happy about getting a bowl of weeds shamrocks.

In Britain, the coroner in the “We’re going to jail, dude” case, in which American planes fired on a British convoy in Iraq, has ruled that the pilots acted unlawfully by disregarding their rules of engagement.

Israeli Prime Minister Olmert’s office sent a letter to the editor of the house organ of an Arab political party, saying, “The Shin Bet security service will thwart the activity of any group or individual seeking to harm the Jewish and democratic character of the State of Israel, even if such activity is sanctioned by the law,” with the “force of the principle of a democracy that defends itself.” I assume that’s a misprint and they intended to say “the farce of the principle of a democracy”.

Worth it

The Pentagon finally admits that “Some elements of the situation in Iraq are properly descriptive of a ‘civil war,’” (crappy writing: the term civil war describes Iraq, not the other way around), although they add “The term ‘civil war’ does not adequately capture the complexity of the conflict in Iraq.” I’m telling you: crapfest.

Tony Blair, on the other hand, won’t (Word document): “it’s not a country at civil war. The majority of people in this country [Iraq] don’t want this violence. ... What is happening is that small numbers on either side of extremists – no, hang on a minute – who don’t represent the majority, are trying to provoke people into a civil war. That is a completely different thing.” Are referenda usually held before the start of a civil war, and they’re called off if there isn’t an absolute majority in favor?

Asked a couple of times if the Iraq war “was worth it,” he answers that it was and is the “right thing” to do, which isn’t exactly the same as being worth it. His shying away from the phrase is an interesting mirror-image of the outcry in the US when Obama and McCain said that soldiers’ lives were “wasted.” I want McCain and every other supporter of the war to be asked if the deaths of American soldiers was worth it.

The Sky interviewer, Adam Boulton, asked if Blair thought Maliki is a democrat. Blair: “I do believe he is a democrat, he was elected, right, and he was then chosen as the President...” Boulton points out that Robert Mugabe was also elected and “just being elected doesn’t make you a democrat does it?” Blair: “Er, well I think it is quite a good indication”.

We’ve secretly replaced the president of the United States with a bowl of shamrocks. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.

Responsibility

The word of the week: responsibility. As we’ve seen in previous posts, Bush used it repeatedly in Mexico Wednesday, and Gonzales claimed he was accepting responsibility, a term, as I said, stripped of any meaning by the Bushies. And now Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has declared himself “responsible” for every terrorist action ever. Is he a megalomaniac or a fantasist? Was he acting under pressure? Was it a cunning scheme to make a “confession” so obviously over-blown that it would be dismissed as unreliable by most Americans while at the same time convincing Muslims that it must have been the product of torture? Since he knows he will be getting a show trial that could never lead to his release, he knows whatever he says will not affect his fate one iota, so he can speak to serve other ends: disinformation, propaganda, self-aggrandizement, whatever.

What I like is how they asked him if he was confessing under duress. He answered no. The real answer is yes. He is in a secret prison with secret courts, where he has already been tortured, anything he says can be and has been censored by his captors, and he will remain in the place where he was tortured after his “trial.” So duress permeates everything that happens there. Guantanamo is one giant machine of coercion, and anything he or any other prisoner says reflects that fact. The one thing a “trial” taking place in the heart of that machine cannot do is determine facts and evaluate evidence.

Bush met Iraqi’s Shiite Vice President Adil Abd Al-Mahdi yesterday and told him, “It’s hard work to overcome distrust that has built up over the years because your country was ruled by a tyrant that created distrust amongst people.” Yes, there has certainly been no reason for distrust amongst people in Iraq since Saddam fell.

Rituals

A quick all-photo post.

Bush and Patrick Leahy at a St Patrick’s Day luncheon, both clearly hammered.


And on the way to that luncheon, Bush passed (that’s his limo) some PETA protesters nakedly protesting seal-hunting in front of the Canadian embassy.


The Mayan cleansing ritual in Guatemala.

Bush in Mexico, where the inflamed passions come from

In Mexico, one last press conference, one can only hope, in which Bush attempts to speak Spanish. You’d think being surrounded for the better part of a week by people speaking Spanish would finally disabuse him of the notion that he can speak Spanish, but evidently not.


(I’ll also be happy to see the back of my own not very funny running “where the ____ comes from” gag, which started so innocently with a reference to an 1890s play about cross-dressing 95% of you have never seen anyway, although it’s been filmed about 1,000 times.)

Lamest example of Bush using Spanish, just from this one event: when a reporter asked Calderón what he talked about during lunch with former president Fox, a lunch at which Bush was not present, Bush popped up with, “They talked about carne.”

He talked about drugs. See if you can spot what the key word is regarding drugs: “I made it very clear to the President that I recognize the United States has a responsibility in the fight against drugs. And one major responsibility is to encourage people to use less drugs. When there is demand, there is supply. ... So we have a responsibility. Mexico has a responsibility, as well, and the President is working hard on that responsibility.”


“Mexico is, obviously, a sovereign nation, and the President, if he so chooses, like he has, will lay out an agenda where the United States can be a constructive partner.” You just blew my mind.

Bush proclaimed himself “a big believer in student exchanges between our two nations, on both sides of the border. And one reason I am is because I think it’s important sometimes for people to gain an accurate perception of my country by coming to my country.” Indeed, earlier in the day he had “met with some students, that are funded through USAID programs, who have come to the United States to take different courses in different subjects, and then have come back to Mexico to lend the expertise that they have gained to improve the communities in which they live.” Note his paternalistic assumptions about who has “expertise” to teach whom. Nothing about what Americans might have to learn from their little brown brothers.


He called immigration a “sensitive issue... I say, sensitive, because obviously this is an issue that people can use to inflame passions.” In other words, people don’t have real grievances, they aren’t really exploited and screwed over, and if they think they are, it’s because wicked people (who he does not name) are inflaming their passions and their hot Latin blood.

Asked some question about internal Mexican oil issues, Bush said, “And I’m confident that the President will make the best interests for the people of Mexico”.


Asked about OverblownPersonnelMatterGate, Bush insisted that the firings were entirely “appropriate” and a “customary practice,” and the only mistake was not explaining it well enough. And even that he acknowledged in a form that didn’t actually admit that the problem was at the executive branch’s end: “the fact that both Republicans and Democrats feel like that there was not straightforward communication troubles me” (emphasis added). And boy was he peeved that it was intruding on his little junket: “And yet this issue was mishandled to the point now where you’re asking me questions about it in Mexico”.


Later, he added that the US attorneys “serve at the pleasure of the president,” which I guess means that when he says “what was mishandled was the explanation of the cases to the Congress,” the only explanation he thinks was required was “We fired them because we could and we felt like it, nyah.” The bright side (because to Bush the Teapot Dome is always half full) is that Gonzales is now handling his previous mishandling perfectly: “And the thing I appreciate about the Attorney General was, he said publicly he could have handled it better, mistakes were made, and took action.” Action? What “action” would that be? The nine-minute press conference?

Meet your new neighbor

It’s been a mixed day. I had some not very good pizza, but on the other hand there were ducks (live ducks, not as a pizza topping), I caught Trader Joe’s trying to overcharge me 20¢ on butter and they didn’t have my preferred brand of cheddar cheese, so I bought some New Zealand grass fed cheddar , which I don’t like at all, but on other hand there were ducks. So with all the ducks and whatnot, I’m a little behind on blogging.

Dan Bartlett, yesterday: “So the President has all the confidence in the world in Alberto Gonzales”. That’s all the confidence. In the entire world. Man, leave some for the rest of us.

Bush, in Mexico: “We are a rule of law.” Whatever.

Gen. Petraeus dragged Maliki to Ramadi yesterday to show that he wasn’t afraid of going to mostly Sunni Anbar province. Maliki went, but he wouldn’t set foot outside a US military base. Petraeus was braver (and heavily guarded). Last sentence of the WaPo article: “As he headed back to the convoy, he stopped at a house, spoke a few words in Arabic and, looking at his soldiers, told the family: ‘Meet your new neighbor.’” And then, I assume, he urinated on their front stoop, just to drive the point home.

Bush and Calderon in Mexico yesterday at some Mayan pyramids.


Mayan pyramids with Secret Service sharpshooters.

Alberto Gonzales: smug asshole, or the smuggest asshole?

Alberto Gonzales called a press conference about the firings of those 8 US Attorneys, and the lies told to Congress about those firings, passive-voicedly acknowledged that “mistakes were made” while refusing to admit that Congress was lied to (“I believe very strongly in our obligation to ensure that when I provide information to the Congress that it’s accurate and that it’s complete, and I am very dismayed that that may not have occurred here”), insisted that the US attorneys were fired for being “weak performers,” absolved himself of responsibility (“when you have 110,000 people working in the department, obviously there are going to be decisions made that I’m not aware of in real time”), and uttered the most meaningless words a Bush cabinet official can ever utter: “I accept that responsibility.”


Wonkette asks, “Is Gonzales somehow the smuggest asshole in this administration? Is that even possible?”

Actually, that’s a fair question. With Rummy retired, who does hold that title?

Who's the smuggest asshole of all?
	George Bush
	Laura Bush
	Gonzales
	Cheney
	Condi
	Tony Snow
pollcode.com free polls

Bush in Guatemala, where the evil spirits come from

In an interview with the Chicago Tribune (whose website, by the way, has a short audio clip which is misquoted several times in the article; makes you wonder about the accuracy of newspaper interviews generally), the alliterative asshole Peter Pace complains about Al Qaida and Taliban members using Pakistan as a safe haven for their operations in Afghanistan: “It is proper for us to point out to President Musharraf that people are continuing to come across the border.”

Speaking of not liking people continuing to “come across the border,” if you know what I mean, Pace also strongly supported the continuance of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, repeatedly using the word “immoral,” as in, “I believe homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts”. Which is of course a misrepresentation of the policy, as was his comparing it with the military prohibition on adultery with the spouse of another member of the military. He also attributed his position to his “upbringing,” as if the source of his personal homophobic bigotry had any relevance to... oh, honestly, enough.

Also... “homosexual acts between individuals”? Would he be happier with group orgies?

Bush was in Guatemala today, and held a press conference with President Oscar Berger. Again, the translation in the transcript is not that good, as it has Berger saying “thank you for your visit. Guatemala feels honored.” That just can’t be right.

He observed a program with a US Navy medical ship. “The American people would have been incredibly proud of watching our military folks dispense with basic health care needs to people who needed help.” Sounds like Walter Reed. Dispense with basic health care needs, indeed. “Imagine not being able to see, and then all of a sudden somebody appears in your life, gives you an eye test and fits you for glasses so you can see better.” Imagine if the first thing you see is George Bush.


In the village of Chirijuy, they made him do the first useful work he’s done in his entire life: “As a matter of fact, I got to pack some lettuce. The President and I were hauling boxes of lettuce, we were putting them in the truck.”


Scab.

A lot of the concern in Guatemala is about American immigration policy and some recent raids that resulted in Guatemalans being seized and deported. And Bush referred to... well, I don’t actually know: “He also mentioned to me that there’s some conspiracies about how children are being left behind in Guatemala. No es la verdad. That’s not the way America operates.”

He was asked about the Salvadoran members of the Central American Parliament killed in Guatemala: “As to the Salvadorians [sic], of course, I’m deeply concerned about their death, as is the President. And we have sent, I think, four FBI agents down here to help with forensics and to help track down the leads, so that wherever those killers may light, the authorities can go get them. And that’s what we need to do.” Or would need to do, if the killers hadn’t been caught and killed in their prison cells last month.

He praised Guatemala’s democracy, but sadly no one took opportunity of what I believe is the first visit by a sitting US president since the ‘54 coup to ask him to apologize for the CIA’s role in it.

Nor did anyone ask him about the Mayan site that will be cleansed of evil spirits after his visit. Reporters. Feh.

Self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly

Dick Cheney gave a speech to an AIPAC conference today, where he was evidently crowned.


Or possibly given a Lisa Simpson haircut. (A bored AP photographer must have had a bit of entertainment lining up this shot.)

He said that in The War Against Terror (TWAT) we have to face “the threat directly, patiently and systematically, until the enemy is destroyed.” This is necessary because “An enemy with fantasies of martyrdom is not going to sit down at a table for negotiations.”

He did not talk only about fantasies, but also myths, specifically the “myths about the war on terror.” For example, “The most common myth is that Iraq has nothing to do with the global war on terror. ... We hear this over and over again, not as an argument but as an assertion meant to close off argument.” Because if there’s one thing Dick Cheney hates, it’s assertions meant to close off argument. 9/11! 9/11! Cheney refuted that “myth” by quoting Loki Bin Laden, because if there’s anyone who eschews myths and looks at the world with crystal clarity more than Dick Cheney, it’s Osama Bin Laden.

Myth number two, according to Bullfinch Cheney, is that you can support the troops without funding every Bush budget request to the last penny. “When members of Congress pursue an anti-war strategy that’s been called slow bleed, they are not supporting the troops, they are undermining them.” Cheney’s mouth watered in a creepy way when he used the words “slow bleed.”


Myth number three is that “getting out of Iraq before the job is done will actually strengthen America’s hand in the fight against terrorists.”

Myth number four is that withdrawing from Iraq won’t lead to a domino effect. “Moderates would be crushed, Shiite extremists backed by Iran could be in an all-out war with Sunni extremists led by al Qaeda and remnants of the old Saddam regime.” The AIPAC members’ mouths watered in a creepy way when he mentioned Muslims fighting other Muslims.

Speaking of myths, Cheney says that Bush “understands, as Ronald Reagan did, that if history teaches anything, it teaches self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly.” Funny, I thought “self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts” was the Bush administration motto. Wasn’t it on the bumper stickers in ‘04?

Speaking of myths, Cheney called Ariel Sharon “a man of courage and a man of peace”.

He said, “Either we are serious in fighting the war on terror or not.”

Serious face.

We want the American people to see us sitting side by side

Headline (AP) of the day: “Israel Recalls Naked, Drunk Ambassador.” To be fair, he wasn’t entirely naked: there was some bondage gear...

Oddest choice of verb in a headline of the day (also AP): “Bush Pushes U.S. Compassion in Guatemala.”

By the way, have there been any mass demonstrations against Hugo Chavez’s tour? Clashes with police? Burnings of Venezuelan flags and effigies in red shirts? Maybe there have been, and they just haven’t been reported in the, you know, Liberal Media. Funny, that.

Joe Lieberman, chair of the Senate homeland security committee, has come up with an audacious scheme to secure the homeland: members of the committee will henceforth sit not by party but either by seniority (as Al Kamen reports) or alternating (Wall Street Journal) rather than party. According to Lieberman, the 2006 elections showed that Americans are sick of partisanship, “So, as a start, instead of sitting on opposite sides of the room like a house divided, we want the American people to see us sitting side by side”. That’s so crazy it just might work!

Bush in Colombia, where the blow comes from: Words are easy to say in politics in the international diplomacy

In Bogota, Bush praised Colombia as “a fine democracy,” but didn’t dare stay there more than six hours.

The White House transcript of his press conference with Uribe is not a good one, especially the translated bits. Uribe, facing the recent revelations about links between senior officials and right-wing death squads (revelations, that is, to anyone who’s been paying absolutely no attention for the last five years), ranted on and on about the need to crush guerillas and paramilitaries and root out Marxists from universities, the media, the labor movement, etc. But not, of course, root out right-wing paramilitaries: “But we cannot fall into the trap of the guerrillas, that we should weaken the armed forces.” Scary.


Bush, standing next to him, pretended nothing was happening, and spoke dipshitily about shared values. How should these revelations be handled? “I support a plan that says that there be an independent judiciary analyzing every charge brought forth, and when someone is found guilty, there’s punishment. That’s the kind of plan I support. It happens to be the kind of plan the President supports. In other words, there’s no political favorites when it comes to justice, that if someone is guilty, they will pay a penalty. ... and I believe that’s the kind of justice this government will do.”

Asked about American hostages held by the FARC, Bush had a simple solution: “Their kidnappers ought to show some heart, is what they ought to show,” adding, “It’s amazing, isn’t it, that we live in a society where you’ve got part of your country where people just kidnap somebody who is here trying to help, without any regard to whether or not -- how their family feels.”

Asked about the statements made by Syrian and Iran at the Baghdad conference, Bush said, “Words are easy to say in politics in the international diplomacy.” Sure they are, George, sure they are.

I really want me one of them hats.

I got me one of them hats! And a poncho! And some (wink wink) “coffee”! And some... hello, there!



From the New Yorker, Steve Martin, “Seventy-two Virgins.”

Who’s having the better vacation?

Bush in Colombia
Chavez in Bolivia

Sometimes when you go through things like that in your life, you can become a better person

Afghanistan’s anti-corruption chief (and a former provincial governor) Izzatullah Wasifi was once caught selling 23 ounces of heroin to an undercover cop in Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas and spent several years in prison. Wasifi insists that, actually, it was cocaine not heroin, it was his wife and not him, it was buying rather than selling, it was for personal use, and anyway George Bush was arrested for drunken driving, so that’s okay then. His qualifications for his roles in Karzai’s administration, besides his familiarity with the drug-trafficking trade, include running an Ameci Pizza & Pasta franchise in L.A. and being a childhood friend of Hamid Karzai.

And the London Sunday Times catches up with Hazem Shaalan, Iraqi Defense Minister during the Alawi regime 2004-5, who quickly left the country immediately after leaving office and before it could be discovered that a few hundred million dollars worth of those shrink-wrapped bills Paul Bremer sent to Iraq had wound up in his pocket (I suppose not literally in his pocket, since $800 million in $100 bills would require rather a large pocket in what the Sunday Times notes is a Savile Row suit and might make it hard to walk). He got his contracts exempted from auditing, bought the cheapest possible broken-down second-hand equipment for Iraqi soldiers and pocketed the difference. Not surprisingly, his pre-invasion qualifications included selling used cars and running, what else, a pizza parlor, in Poland.

I’m suddenly hungry for pizza. Can’t think why.

The “surge” will be larger than it was sold as, with Bush adding another 4,700 troops. I believe this includes the 2,200 military police we were told this week are needed to guard prisoners who will be seized during the operations in Baghdad but who weren’t included in the original proposal because... well that’s the question I haven’t actually seen asked. Did the Pentagon simply forget that the point of the surge was to capture bad guys who would then need to be guarded?

Apartheid-era South African president F.W. de Klerk complains that affirmative action policies are making white people feel like second-class citizens. De Klerk was awarded the Nobel Prize for Irony in 1993.

Giuliani, moral arbiter of all things matrimonial, says that Gingrich should be forgiven for cheating on his wife. So that settles that. “Sometimes when you go through things like that in your life, you can become a better person.” Well, if adultery makes you a better person, Giuliani and Gingrich must be veritable gods amongst men. After also praising Gingrich’s alleged smarts, Giuliani was asked whether he was considering Gingrich as a running mate. He said such talk was premature. A Giuliani-Gingrich 2008 ticket, that’s simultaneously the most hilarious and the most nauseating idea I’ve ever heard.

Bush in Uruguay, where the, um, software comes from

In a press conference with Uruguayan President Tabare Vázquez, Bush said something that was entirely truthful: “I think many people in my country don’t know that Uruguay is the leading exporter of software in South America.”


He continued to search desperately for other tidbits in a failed attempt to make Uruguay interesting: “Interestingly enough, we both have gotten rid of colonial powers in our past, and it is -- I think it is that heritage that makes Uruguay and the United States such natural partners.” You could say the same thing about Zimbabwe or Burma or Cuba or the majority of nations in the world.

Hugo Chavez, speaking to a large rally just one country away in Argentina, referred to George as “the little imperial gentleman from the north” and “a political corpse.” Bush’s Latin American tour has him scheduled to address no public crowds, of any size. Funny, that.

A reporter asked Bush, “Hugo Chavez suggested that you are afraid to mention his name. So, are you?” In his response, Bush did not mention Chavez’s name. To be fair, Chavez is a pretty scary fellow.


Asked about the FBI abuse of national security letters, Bush said, “My question is, what are you going to do to solve the problem and how fast can you get it solved? And I was pleased by Director Mueller’s answer, that he had already begun to address some of the problems, but there’s more work to be done.” Bush was pleased with that answer, aren’t you pleased with that answer, knowing you can go about your business, safe in the reassuring knowledge that Robert Mueller has already begun to address some of the problems, but there is more work to be done.

Bush in Brazil, where the nuts come from, part dois

At a press conference with President Loooooola, Bush gave his personal definition of democracy: “I think it’s great to be able to say a good friend won reelection because it confirms the fact that democracy is alive and well in Brazil.” But there are concerns: “I share your concerns about the people in democracy not receiving the benefits of democracy.”

You’d think that it would be hard to mistake Brazil for the United States, but... “And so, Mr. President, I’m so glad you’re here -- I mean, so glad I am here.”

Why is he in, um, Brazil or wherever? “I’m reminding people that which is pretty evident, that a lot of people know that there are direct ties between our countries.” So he’s reminding people that people know something which is pretty evident. Anything else? “I bring the goodwill of the United States to South America and Central America. That’s why I’m here. I don’t think America gets enough credit for trying to help improve people’s lives.” That’s a pretty quick transition from “goodwill” to whining petulantly about ingratitude. “And so we fully understand that if there’s illiteracy, it will affect our country eventually.” Especially if you’re the one with the illiteracy. And you are, George, you are. Indeed, one of the things I’ve observed in Bush’s speeches is just how large a proportion of the English language is “fancy” to him. He added another one to that list: “There is a lot of investment in the region, as the President noted. Oh, for some, that’s just a fancy word, but for others who benefit from the investment through jobs, it’s a central part of their life.”



His weekly radio address gives a preview: on Monday he will visit a great Guatemalan success story, a poor farmer who switched his crops and now sells them to... Wal-Mart.

And then, it was time to dance! (I was finally able to view this video on the third browser I tried, fucking Internet Explorer. And then they made me watch an ad first.)

George goes to Brazil. Where the nuts come from.

You know how Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld etc are always making “surprise” trips to Baghdad? Today someone visited Baghdad and it was a genuine surprise: Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki actually took a trip outside the Green Zone, unannounced and during the Friday ban on vehicle movement and not, of course, to a Sunni neighborhood, but still it was pretty darned brave of him.




Bush is in Brazil, meeting with President Lula, who wouldn’t shut up about biofuel, although from the pictures I’ve seen, Brazil is powered entirely by the burning of American flags and kind of lame effigies. Bush agrees with Lula that alternative fuels are important: “In other words, dependency upon energy from somewhere else means that you’re dependent upon the decisions from somewhere else.” And, as a former Texas oil-man, he knows where gasoline comes from: “And so as we diversify away from the use of gasoline by using ethanol we’re really diversifying away from oil.” And it’s all about the incumbentosity: “we all feel incumbent to be good stewards of the environment.”

In the last paragraph I quoted one of Bush’s famous “in other words”’s. Here’s another (he was speaking at a Petrobras plant): “One of the things I like, as the President noted, is that a good ethanol policy and good alternative fuel policy actually leads to more jobs, not less. In other words, at this plant there are jobs.”

He uttered another sentence that does not need other words, because it is perfect just the way it is: “I appreciate so very much the fact that much of your energy is driven by sugarcane.”

It’s not just the fuel, but the vehicles the fuel goes into: “Well, most people in America don’t know that there are millions of flex-fuel vehicles on our street today. Just people don’t know it.” I’m pretty sure I got stuck on that street once. It’s in LA, right?

The last time he was there, Bush memorably exclaimed “Wow, Brazil is big.” Today he said, “You know, Brazil and the United States are the two largest democracies in our hemisphere”. Somewhere, a Canadian is thinking of writing a mildly cross letter pointing out the fallaciousness of that statement but, being Canadian, will no doubt decide to “let’s not get excited, eh.”

If I declare a caption contest for this picture (original caption here), how much am I going to regret it?

I drew a line in my mind

A NYT editorial Wednesday described one aspect of the neglect of Walter Reed outpatients: “They have been swamped with confusing paperwork and forced to take responsibility for managing their own medical care.” If you’ve been paying attention to Bush’s recent speeches on health care reform, you know that that’s exactly what he has planned for all of us: “And our view is, is that in order to have -- to worry about health care costs, the more a consumer is involved, the more likely we’ll be able to deal with the increasing cost of health care.”

Newt Gingrich, in an interview with Focus on the Family’s James Dobson that I listened to so you don’t have to, says that his attacks on Bill Clinton for his adultery while he was committing adultery himself with a much younger House staff member was not hypocritical at all: “I drew a line in my mind that said, ‘Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept . . . perjury in your highest officials.’” What I like about that quote is how he thinks of himself as a hero, running the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and it’s that very hypocrisy that makes him such a hero.

Not much else of interest in the interview. He wants to abolish the 9th Circuit, fire all its judges, and appoint new ones. “This would be a perfectly reasonable court ... in France.”

He says that we know American liberty is totally based in religion because it says so on all the public buildings. There’s some religious inscription on the Washington Monument, the tallest building in DC, the first one hit by the dawn sun as the earth rotates. Dobson must not have been paying much attention, because I would have expected him to deny the heresy that the earth rotates.

Speaking of religious monuments, Bush will be visiting a Mayan one in Guatemala, which will have to be cleansed of bad spirits afterwards.

Actually, after January 20, 2009, we should probably have the entire US boiled. In holy water. Just to be sure.

Also, werewolves. Lots of werewolves.

Gen. David Petraeus calls those who attacked Shiite pilgrims “thugs with no soul” and says we must “control the demons responsible for the vicious sectarian violence of the past year - demons who have torn at the very fabric of Iraqi society.”

And my position is, it is important for people to be free

Snippets from yet more Bush interviews, with Univision and with Colombian tv.

“I think the worse thing that’s happened for the Cuban people on the island is the fact that they’re not free. And my position is, it is important for people to be free”.

About three Americans being held by the Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia: “My message is to the FARC, and that is to give up these hostages. You’re making it clear to the world the kind of people you are when you take innocent life and hold them hostage. And it’s very sad for the families here in America.” There’s that word again.

Speaking of it being important for people to be free, what about a pardon for Scooter? Well first, and again, he is – say it with me – saddened for Scooter: “I personally am sad. I’m sad for Mr. Libby and his family. There was a sense of sadness to hear the verdict read for me.” But he also said he’s going to pardon Scooter. Well, not precisely, because after all precision is not a trait associated with Chimpy’s use of the English language, but I think the word “until” is the giveaway here: “And so I’m pretty much going to stay out of it until the course -- the case has finally run its final -- the course it’s going to take.”

He’s pleased as punch that he’ll be met by protests wherever he goes: “I am proud to be going to a part of the world where people can demonstrate, where people can express their minds. It happens quite frequently when I travel around the world.”

He thinks it’s absolutely wonderful that governments he despise have recently been elected in Bolivia, Ecuador, Nicaragua etc: “first of all, I like the fact that the countries in our neighborhood are free and people get to decide who the governments -- who is in the government. I like that. I think it’s great. I would be worried if there are policies which ruin economies.” “To the extent that people feel like they can nationalize companies I think is a mistake.”

And what does he think about all those things Hugo Chavez says about him? “I’ve been in politics a long time; there’s a lot of name-calling in politics. I’ve always found the best thing to do is to do what you think is right and move beyond the name-calling.”

The trip really is to remind people that we care

Bush gave another pre-Latin-American-tour interview, with CNN En Español (funny, there isn’t a Fox En Español, is there?), in which he made it clear that what he really wants if for the citizens of those countries to thank him for his munificence. He said that American aid to Latin America has doubled under him, “and most of that aid is social justice money.” I’ll leave it to someone else to figure out how much of that increase actually went to Colombia, the largest recipient of US aid in the region, so that it’s right-wing-death-squad-associated government (in yesterday’s interview, Bush said that Uribe is doing a “fabulous” job) to fight rebels under the guise of fighting drug production. The problem is, according to His Chimpyness, “And yet, we don’t get much credit for it. And I want the taxpayers, I want the American people to get credit for their generosity in Central and South America.” He returned to that point several times: “The trip really is to remind people that we care.” “And it’s in our interest that we promote those ties, and we promote -- and I remind people about the generosity of our country.”

He said about one American woman’s time with our neighbors to the south, “her example is what America is all about.” That woman, of course, is Jenna Bush. She’s writing a book, you know. Evidently, Jenna is “deeply concerned about alienationists in our world.” I have no idea what that means. Anyone?

On other matters, Bush was asked about Scooter Libby (at first I wrote “Bush was asked about Scooter,” and then went back and added “Libby” in the interests of clarity, like there are any number of Scooters he might be asked about. On the other hand, it’s possible that every third person in Skull and Bones was called Scooter). He said, “On a personal note, I was sad. I was sad for a man who had worked in my administration, and particularly sad for his family.” He must have been sad (past tense, you’ll notice): he used the word three times.

What doesn’t seem to make him sad is the treatment of wounded American service members. Asked what he would say to veterans screwed over at Walter Reed, he whittered on about the Dole-Shalala commission and how there are “fantastic doctors and nurses and healers” and so on, but he didn’t really seem to have anything he wanted to say to the soldiers – “I’m sorry we let you down” might have been nice. I’ve been reminded of a visit he made at the start of last year to Brooke Army Medical Center. My blog post on the visit showed him having a fine old time and joking about a scratch he had on his forehead from “combat with a cedar.” I didn’t know until later that he’d just been visiting amputees.

Why did he say he was going to Central and South America, again? Oh yes, “I bring a message of hope, a message that says we care about the human condition”.

His is an outsider’s perspective on that condition.

I would hope he would define my government as pro-freedom

When you (Americans, anyway) change the time on your computers, VCRs and what have you this weekend, remember to turn off any automatic Daylight Savings settings, or they’ll “spring forward” 3 weeks later.

Bush, in advance of his trip to Latin America, had a group interview yesterday with reporters from the region. He explained his purpose: “My trip is an opportunity to remind the folks in our neighborhood that the United States has a robust policy toward empowering individuals to realize their full potential.” Indeed, in his speech to the US Hispanic Chamber of Commerce the day before, “I outlined a vision of a nation that cares about the human condition.” Because so many of us actually are humans.

He repeated that tripe later: “My trip is to remind the people of Central and South America that we live in the same neighborhood and that the United States is committed to empowering individuals to realize their God-given potential.” Oh, I think they’re all too aware that they live in the same “neighborhood.”

“It is a reminder that the United States’ approach to the region is not a political approach, but it is a human approach.” Politics, as we all know, being inhuman. “It is one that emphasizes that human potential exists, and that the best programs are those that elevate the potential.”

HE HAS AN MBA FROM HARVARD, YOU KNOW: “The best way to alleviate poverty is for there to be prosperity.”

REALLY, AN MBA: “And a direct foreign investment -- that means somebody believing that the investment climate is worthy of investment...”

GEORGE? HARVARD’S ON THE PHONE. THEY WANT THEIR MBA BACK: “When I grew up in Texas, the border, la frontera, was like a third world on both sides of the border. And then in the early ‘90s, NAFTA was passed. But there wasn’t instant successes. It took a while for people to realize how the inevitable adjustments that will come when people start accessing market.”

IMPERIALISTS? NO IMPERIALISTS HERE. An Uruguayan reporter brought up President Vázquez’s comment about relations with the US that his is a “popular, democratic, anti-oligarchic and anti-imperialist government.” Bush, to whom this was news, responded: “As anti-imperialist? Fine, that’s -- I would hope he would define my government as pro-freedom.” “As to characterizations of the United States, I will remind him that we are a generous, compassionate nation that believes in peace.”

DO NOT FEAR THE AMERICAN MILITARY. THEY’RE VERY QUIET. “Our military -- people think of the United States military as war fighters, and they are when the Commander-in-Chief puts them in such a situation. But our military is building health clinics throughout Central America, for example, in a very quiet way.” Very quiet building? Could have used them when my next-door neighbors were building that new deck.

On the future of Cuba: “Vamos a ver, cuando -- how long he [Castro] stays on earth, that’s a decision that will be made by the Almighty.” Funny, three or four American presidents thought it was their decision. “We believe it ought to be up to the people, the long-suffering people of that island to decide their fate, not the fate -- not to be decided because somebody is somebody’s brother; the fate ought to be decided because that’s what the people want.” Yeah it would be terrible if “the fate” was decided because somebody was somebody’s brother, the governor of Florida, f’r instance.

No pictures of that interview, so below is one from his meeting with Bob Dole and Donna Shalala, who he’s appointed to investigate veterans’ and soldiers’ health care. Dole, who is 83 and doesn’t like a day over oh-dear-lord-shouldn’t-they-have-buried-him-by-now?,


will ensure that every wounded soldier will get Viagra and a pen. Shalala’s qualifications, according to Bush: “She lived after eight years in President Clinton’s administration, she knows what to look for, she knows the questions to ask.”

CAPTION CONTEST: what is Bush indicating with this gesture during his meeting with Dole and Shalala. For extra points, what is it that 8 years in the Clinton administration has taught Shalala to look for and to ask?

Saddened for Scooter

Cheney says, “I am very disappointed with the verdict. I am saddened for Scooter and his family.” Your mantra for today: “Saddened for Scooter. Saddened for Scooter. Saddened for Scooter. Saddened for Scooter.”

Bush spoke to the American Legion today. He praised himself for putting $86 billion for veterans in his budget: “this would amount to a 77 percent increase of the budget since I took office; it would be the highest level of support for our veterans in American history.” Er, you also created a whole lot more of them, many with expensive catastrophic injuries; I don’t really think you get to brag about that like it’s some kind of accomplishment.


He gave his standard pro-“surge” speech. He says it’s necessary because after the Samarra bombing, “the sectarian violence was getting out of hand.” Out of hand? Out of fucking hand??? Crabgrass is out of hand. The dog peeing on the carpet is out of hand. Jenna and Not-Jenna’s partying is out of hand.

Samarra, he says, was “designed to provoke retaliation... And the result was a tragic escalation of sectarian rage and reprisal.” In other words (dammit, now Bush has me doing the “in other words” thing), things got “out of hand” because Iraqis responding to terrorist provocation exactly the way the terrorists wanted them to. So, he goes on, we should escalate our military presence in Baghdad because it’s what the terrorists want us to do: “They’re not debating whether the war in Iraq is worth it. Hear the words of bin Laden, in a message to the American people just last year. He says of Iraq: ‘The war is for you or for us to win. If we win it, it means your defeat and disgrace forever. Nyaa nyaa.’”

I may have added the “nyaa nyaa.” Then again, I may not have.

He says of the non-binding resolution, “Members of Congress have every right to express their opinion. They have every right. They also have a responsibility to fund our war fighters.” War fighters? Also, you notice how he has “principles,” while members of Congress have “opinions”?

Bush has not yet said whether he too is saddened for Scooter.

(Update: He is indeed “saddened”. How sad.)

Bush speaks to trabajadores y campesinos

Bush spoke to the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce today and was so excited that he interspersed his usual broken English with broken Spanish: “Thursday, Laura and I are going to leave on a trip that will take us to Brazil and Uruguay and Colombia, y Guatemala, y por fin, Mexico. ... My message to those trabajadores y campesinos is, you have a friend in the United States of America.”


He lectured the countries of the Western Hemisphere about what their governments need to do. They should not “serve only the rich and the well-connected.” They should be “transparent.” They should have no sense of irony about being instructed on these subjects by George W. Bush.


Further words of wisdom for our friends to the south: “Latin America needs capitalism for the campesino”. “Social justice means meeting basic needs.”

It’s a messy, dangerous world

Dick Cheney spoke to a conference of the Veterans of Foreign Wars today. It was the start of yet another series of speeches to bolster The War Against Terror (TWAT), and it must have annoyed him to be forced by events to have to devote several seconds to the issue of the treatment of wounded soldiers. Later in the day, he himself was treated for a blood clot contracted during long hours of sitting on airplanes in the service of his country. He was put on blood thinners. Or possibly that was a metaphor of some kind.


On reading the speech, I can report that the trend towards slightly greater realism some detected in Bush administration officials’ speeches after the release of the Iraq Study Group report has now completely reversed itself. There is no longer any hint that Iraq might be in a civil war or that there exist such creatures as Sunnis or Shiites. It’s back to terrorists and Al Qaida and “They hate us, they hate our country, they hate the liberties for which we stand. They want to destroy our way of life, so that freedom no longer has a home and defender in the world.” Because freedom is American, dammit. If it shows up in any other country, it’s just visiting. And on those visits, it so often seems to come down with deep venous thrombosis.


Cheney said he hopes that, unlike the vote on the non-binding resolution, when Congress votes on “emergency” funding for the war, sorry, “for the troops,” “I sincerely hope the discussion this time will be about winning in Iraq, not about posturing on Capitol Hill.”

He concluded, “It’s a messy, dangerous world, made better by the active, committed presence of the United States.” Messy and dangerous. He makes it sound like someone left their skates on the stairs again – and we’re looking at you, Iran!

After all, we’re in the business of dealing with the culture

Headline of the day, from the London Times: “Airstrikes ‘Could Provoke Iran.’” Ya think?

Okay, okay, seriously, a think tank argues that an attack on Iran’s nuclear facility won’t succeed, and that even if it did, Iran would still be able to cobble together a few nukes, like building a car from spare parts rather than building a car factory, and the attack would make it rather likely to do so. All of which is as self-evidently obvious as “air strikes could provoke Iran.”

There was an attack on an American convoy in Afghanistan with a vehicle packed with explosives, combined, the military says, with shooting from several directions in a “complex attack.” Alternately, the troops panicked after the explosion and started firing in several directions, then shot up every vehicle along the highway as they drove to safety, killing many civilians. Or alternately, did not panic, but deliberately shot up every civilian vehicle just to be on the safe side. Nor will they admit that all that shooting resulted in bullets actually hitting anyone. Says spokesmodel Major William Mitchell, “We certainly believe it’s possible that the incoming fire from the ambush was wholly or partly responsible for the civilian casualties.”

But really, what can we do if they won’t even cooperate in our war games? The US military plans to recreate Iraqi and Afghan villages for war games in, where else, Bavaria, and is trying to recruit Arab-speaking extras by placing ads implying they were being hiring for a film. Only four of the people who showed up didn’t leave upon being told the real purpose, which is for them to play natives 24 hours a day for three weeks while being constantly filmed. Said a spokesmodel for the US Army Joint Multinational Readiness Center, the amusingly named Reggie Bourgeois, “The more actual culture we can inject into the exercise the better it is for our soldiers. After all, we’re in the business of dealing with the culture.”

Out of this rubble will emerge a better tomorrow

I had just been getting to the point of writing a post asking what was going on about that Sunni woman who said she’d been gang-raped by Iraqi police. The story had disappeared, as Iraq stories often do these days when it is impossible for reporters to go out and cover them safely. Evidently the US, whose hospital examined her, still doesn’t feel obligated to say if that crime was committed or not, and Maliki is still denying it. Anyway, there was a follow-up of sorts yesterday when 14 (or 18) policemen were abducted and killed in retaliation.

George Bush was in Alabama and Georgia today, offering help to the victims of the tornados, and by help I mean prayers. “And this country is a prayerful country, there are a lot of people praying for you.” He added, “You can never heal a heart, but you can provide comfort, knowing that the federal government will provide help for those whose houses were destroyed, or automobiles were destroyed.” This country is a prayerful country, there are a lot of people praying for your automobiles.

There are also a lot of people praying to be able to provide comfort to 17-year old girls.



Speaking of prayers, here’s a sentence from one report: “‘A hundred kids got out of here alive,’ Bush said to the gathered press corps as he pointed to the Science Wing. ‘It’s a miracle.’” Yeah, it’s a miracle! Fuck you, science!

He told the people of Enterprise, Alabama, “that out of this rubble will emerge a better tomorrow, because that’s the commitment that I hear here in Enterprise. And the role of the government is going to help, to the extent that we can.”

At a certain point, he seems to have forgotten about the whole tornado thing and just started having a good time.



He’s talking to this woman’s boyfriend.

Then he found a toy to play with.


Almost as much fun as comforting 17-year old girls.

Clinton would have found a way to do both at once.

And by “do both at once” I meant play with the quad bike and comfort the 17-year old girls.

Could an imaginary man do that?

Congo-Kinshasa’s new Minister for Foreign Trade, Andre Kasongo Ilunga, has turned out not to actually exist. Each of the parties in the ruling coalition in the incoming government was asked to nominate two candidates for their allotted posts, and the prime minister would choose one. So Honorius Kisimba Ngoy, head of the Union Nationale des Fédéralistes du Congo (UNAFEC),

nominated himself and the fictional Mr. Ilunga, figuring that would ensure that he got the job because he 1) was more or less real, 2) had a cooler name. When Ilunga got the job instead, Kisimba presented a letter of resignation from him, and still won’t admit that there is no such person: “He wrote it himself. He signed it. Could an imaginary man do that?” Can’t fault the logic.

Kind of the safety of mediocrity

Bush went to a school in Indiana today, to push for “standards” and “accountability.” For other people, of course. And definitely not for a surprise episode of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” Yes it’s time to renew the No Child Left Behind Act. He talked a lot about “measuring,” pretending that high-stakes testing is just a passive assessment. Bush said, “I know full well that to make sure a system doesn’t lapse into kind of the safety of mediocrity that you’ve got to measure.” Then he just sighed and whispered “the safety of mediocrity.” Dare to dream, George, dare to dream. “In life,” he went on, “if you lower the bar you get lousy results.” You know, I could say something sarcastic about George Bush coming out against lowering the bar, but that would be too easy, it would in fact just be lowering the bar for sarcasm.


He said, “Testing data has helped teachers tailor instruction. ... That’s why the act is called the No Child Left Behind Act. It doesn’t say ‘all children shouldn’t be left behind,’ it says, ‘no child.’” You just blew my mind.

He praised the school he was in for achieving the supreme pinnacle of success, an applause line during a presidential photo-op: “I appreciate so very much that this school has met state standards for progress under No Child Left Behind every year since 2002. Isn’t that interesting? (Applause.) Isn’t it interesting to be able to say that? You can’t say something that draws applause unless you measure.” Oh sure you can. Try this one: “Ice cream for everyone!”

Dick!

Dick Cheney spoke to the 34th annual Conservative Political Action Conference this evening. He didn’t say anything interesting, so I don’t have anything interesting to say about what he said, and running these amusing pictures of the Dickster (one of them taken by a clearly bored Reuters photographer trying to make him look like he’s wearing a huge American flag skirt) feels a little bit like skipping the vegetables and going straight to the dessert. Well all right, but just this once.

Reminding people that the federal government still knows you exist

As mentioned in my last post, Bush visited Katrina-hit regions today. “And so I’ve come back to New Orleans, Louisiana, to remind people that the federal government still knows you exist”. Knows, yes; cares, not so much. Bush held a photo op at Samuel J. Green Charter School as part of his campaign to exploit the destruction of New Orleans to push his agenda to privatize public schools. “I’m trying to lend my voice to herald this school,” he heralded. And he knows a lot about what makes a good school. “Those are the two things I was good at at school,” he said, “eating and playing.” Sure you were, George, sure you were.

AP caption to this picture: “President Bush, right, examines a plastic bottle terrarium as he visits a third grade class at the Samuel J. Green charter school in New Orleans, La., Thursday, March 1, 2007.” (Good thing they cleared up the confusion about whether President Bush was the middle-aged white guy or the little black boy.)

“No, Mr. President, it’s a ter-ra-ri-um. Try again.” “Tuhrrooriun.”

My most vivid recollection is the piles of rubble

Bush went to the areas hit by Hurricane Katrina today, six months after his last trip. “I intend to keep coming back so long as I’m the President,” he said, then threatened, “and perhaps after the presidency”. Yeah, after the presidency. Sure he will. Why are all the pictures I’m seeing of Bush with white people? Doesn’t Long Beach, Mississippi have black people? Here he is doing the all-important preliminary sleeve-rolling-up. Can’t tour the hurricane site for a photo-op with your sleeves unrolled.


He shared his own memories of the hurricane: “And I guess the -- my most vivid recollection is the piles of rubble”. “It was -- it’s hard to believe then that I would be -- I had faith that I’d be able to come to a home, but I had trouble visualizing.” I’m guessing from some of his words this morning that for him the key to visualization is heavy drinking: “And today, we are able to sit in a homeowner -- the word is ‘home.’ Again, one of the things I like to say is, when somebody walks in, ‘welcome to my home.’” He thinks he lives in Long Beach, Mississippi now. He must wonder what the 84-year old woman is doing in his home.

Bush: “Welcome to mah home.”

Her name, by the way, is Nellie Partridge, a name you really have to be 84 to have. 83 is too young to be a Nellie Partridge, and 85 is too old.

Bush: “Welcome to mah home.”

Bush: “Welcome to mah home.” “That’s a dumpster, Mr. President.”
Then it was on to New Orleans, where he met with local officials at Lil Dizzy’s Café. Bush, aka Big Dizzy, made this, um, promise: “And to the extent we can help, we’ll help.” He demonstrated his grasp of the complexities of the rebuilding process: “I guess the New Orleans Saints football team represents to me what’s happening in this part of the state -- a resurgence, there’s a renewal.”

Deceit and betrayal

Carlos Alvarez, formerly a psych professor at Florida International University, was sentenced to 5 years for “conspiracy to become an unregistered foreign agent” for Cuba. Not even becoming one, which would have doubled the sentence, just conspiracy to become one. He passed to the Cuban government various pieces of unclassified information and personal information on Cuban exile leaders. I’m not sure how this constitutes a crime (the prosecutor was allowed to say that the damage Alvarez may have done is unclear because we don’t know what else he told Havana, which was an attempt to get the court to convict for uncharged crimes for which there was no evidence).

But of course the trial was held in Miami, so Alvarez, and his wife, who was sentenced to 3 years merely for knowing what her husband was doing and not calling the FBI, were really tried and convicted for political crimes. The judge said their actions “undermined U.S. foreign policy.” So? He said they were “in a sense leading a double life,” and that they had committed a “deceit and betrayal” of the Cuban exile community. Which may not be very nice, but... so? Evidently US courts of law, at least in Florida, are now policing deceit and betrayal of the Cuban exile community.