Tuesday, May 27, 2003

A charge to keep I have

I mentioned that Bush is fund-raising now. Here are some excerpts from an email he sent to my cat, asking for $2,000, with appropriate snide comments (in caps).

“My goal is to build an ownership society where American families own their own homes, their own health coverage, their own retirement accounts and, if they want, their own businesses.” AND, IF THEY WANT, THEIR OWN SLAVES.

And we are working to change the culture from one that too often said, "if it feels good, do it," to a responsibility society where people know they are accountable for what they do, for the children they bring into the world, and for loving a neighbor like they'd like to be loved themselves. UNLESS IT’S REALLY KINKY.

To achieve these goals, America must be united. I have worked to bring dignity and honor to the White House and to change the tone in Washington. I have asked Democrats and Republicans to join with me in achieving great purposes. OF COURSE I DUMPED THAT DIGNITY IN A SECOND WHEN THEY TOLD ME I COULD LAND ON AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER AT A COST OF ONLY $1 MILLION.

One of the paintings I have selected for the Oval Office portrays a man on horseback, leading a charge up a steep hill. His face is full of purpose and determination, and it is clear he expects to get the job done. The painting is called "A Charge to Keep," based on a Methodist hymn that's a favorite of mine, "A Charge to Keep I Have." I DIDN’T KNOW YODA WAS A METHODIST. SEEMED MORE LIKE A BAPTIST. OR MAYBE HE’S REFERRING TO THE RECORD DEFICIT; YOU KNOW, “CHARGE IT.”

I love the painting because it speaks to serving a cause that is greater than yourself. GEORGE, CLEANING THE LITTER BOX IS A CAUSE GREATER THAN YOU. The picture reminds me every day that my most important job is to unite our country and provide leadership to overcome America's toughest challenges.

We can show the world that America is a strong and compassionate nation in which every person is able to achieve his or her dream. MY DREAM INVOLVES YOU BEING CAUGHT PICKING UP UNDER-AGE HOOKERS. Thank you for allowing me to serve as your President. WAIT, ARE YOU SAYING I HAD A CHOICE ALL THIS TIME? May God Bless America. WHY, DID IT SNEEZE?

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