Friday, June 25, 2004

Vexatious litigation

According to the Post, which was clearly enjoying itself, Cheney’s exact words to Leahy were “Fuck yourself.” The Post includes the words, but the NYT merely says that Cheney used “an obscene phrase to describe what he thought Mr. Leahy should do.” Cheney was later defended by none other than Orrin Hatch, who is a fucking Mormon. The WaPo notes that just before the cursing out, the Senate voted 99-1 for the Defence of Decency Act (which is the ten-fold increase in FCC fines for any broadcaster who quotes “Dick” Cheney--you knew anything passed 99-1 couldn’t be good--the one is John Breaux, mostly because it was attached to a defense budget bill), while the Times notes that earlier in the day, Tom Daschle called for increased cross-party understanding. Well, you can’t accuse Cheney of being unclear, but that’s probably not what Daschle meant.

The Post also got a little snarky towards Wolfowitz, who said a few days ago that the reason reporters in Iraq weren’t talking about how things are improving is that they’re afraid to leave their hotel rooms because of the near certainty of being killed or kidnapped. The WaPo points out that Wolfy, when he visited the country: “is completely unafraid to leave the hotel. In fact, he travels about the entire country, as he did last week. Unlike reporters, however, who tend to travel on land, his feet never touched the ground except in a U.S. military base or secured zone. Probably just for convenience, Wolfowitz prefers to travel by air, in a fleet of Black Hawk helicopters with several Apache attack helicopters -- bristling with machine guns, rockets and Hellfire missiles -- flying escort. Wolfowitz choppered from the secured airport to the secured Green Zone downtown, a distance of maybe 10 miles as the RPG flies. (Cabs are expensive.) Heading north to Mosul? No problem, take a C-130 transport plane to the U.S. base and meet with Kurdish leaders in a totally secured area. Need to trek to Basra? The C-130's the way to go. Get some nice views of the country and a good feel for what Iraqis are thinking.”

Last month I mentioned that the US military was running out of bullets, domestic suppliers not being able to keep up with its 2 billion bullet a year habit. So they’ve turned to...Israel. Now some congresscritters are suggesting that maybe shooting Muslims in Iraq and Afghanistan with Israeli-made bullets is not such a good idea.

In turning back a lower-court decision to force Cheney to give up records from his energy policy cabal, the Supreme Court rather insultingly referred to the case as “vexatious litigation that might distract it from the energetic performance of its constitutional duties.” Assuming you consider environmental rape and general evil-doing to be among the government’s constitutional duties. The Court is basically saying that the executive is not above the Law, where the Law is a Platonic ideal, just most of the piddling, vexatious, actual laws. The point of returning it to the lower court is to postpone shining light into Cheney’s dank lair (I picture it like the “Stonecutters” episode of The Simpsons) until after the elections.

Speaking of unseemly events on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a noisy penis pump to masturbate during trials, including a murder trial. The OK. attorney general wants him removed because any red-blooded American judge should ejaculate constantly during murder trials without resorting to any mechanical devices. Must be a fairy.

Sadly, Jack Ryan is pulling out of the Il. senatorial race, meaning there may be no more stories combining the words “Jeri Ryan” and “public sex.”

Bizarre story that a Paraguayan vice president supposedly assassinated in 1999 actually died having sex.

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