Spon!

It is my sad duty to report that the coveted Golden Spurtle (that’s the award for the best porridge) has returned to Scotland (you will of course remember that an American won it last year), thanks to the invention by Neal Robertson of the Tannochbrae Tearoom in Auchtermuchty (of those words, I’m pretty sure I can pronounce tearoom) of a wooden, double-sided spoon he calls a spon, which gives twice the power to mixing and beating (that’s what she said) and puts more air in the mixture (a commenter on the Guardian’s story offers this historical perspective: “It’s a little known fact, that traditional Scots oats cooks, were constantly innovating their oat stirrers. That’s how we ended up with billy clubs, clothespins, dildos, and the like.”)

Says Mr. Robertson, “It was a wake-up call last year to see how seriously porridge is taken across Scotland and around the world.” Evidently the trick is always to stir clockwise because stirring counter-clockwise lets the devil in. Don’t want devil-flavored porridge.