Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Wahey

Bush: “The desire by the North Koreans to convince the world that they’re in the process of developing a nuclear arsenal is nothing new.” Oh sure, *now* he gets sceptical about foreign nuclear programs. I mean, the smoking gun might be a mushroom cloud, right? Do you think his failure to engage with the NK problem is because he hasn’t personalized it? He always refers to NK rather than Kim Jong Il. Kim didn’t “try to kill my dad.”

Although I guess Shrub got his revenge for that one today.

Treasury Secretary John Snow says that the killings of Saddam’s sons will be good for the US economy. And the killing of Qusay’s 14-year old son will be darned good for stock prices, too.

Robert Fisk notes that the American unit in charge of the operation, Task Force 20, was the same one that supposedly killed these very same people, and their father, when it attacked a convoy near the Syrian border earlier this month. Fisk also wonders whether the two sons would really have been together. And he questions the American assumption that killing the Husseins would end all resistance to the occupation. Indeed, “many Iraqis were reluctant to support the resistance for fear that an end to American occupation would mean the return of the ghastly old dictator. If he and his sons are dead, the chances are that the opposition to the American-led occupation will grow rather than diminish - on the grounds that with Saddam gone, Iraqis will have nothing to lose by fighting the Americans.”

Just as the US recruited Hitler’s spies because of their knowledge of the USSR, the NYT says today that they’re recruiting Saddam’s spies because of their knowledge of Iran and Syria. And that Chalabi is doing the same, presumably in order to discredit his political opponents as dupes of Iran.

Congress is dealing with a bill to allow re-importation into the US of drugs produced by US drug companies for the export market and sold at much lower prices. What’s fun about the debate is that all these Congresscritters who took money from Big Pharma are having to claim that the drugs their bosses are peddling abroad are unsafe. The NYT story on this says that they’re teaming up with anti-abortion groups to warn that RU-486 might become affordable under this bill.

From the Harper’s weekly review: “The Department of Homeland Security announced that Microsoft was chosen as its exclusive supplier of desktop and server software; shortly thereafter Microsoft acknowledged a critical security flaw that permits hackers to take over computers running the latest version of its Windows operating system.”

Has anyone linked those stories about teenagers not being able to find summer jobs with the 25-40% tuition increases at public colleges and universities? The latter is, of course, class warfare at its finest.

Israeli transport minister Avigdor Lieberman has offered to provide buses to transport any released Palestinian prisoners to a place "whence they will not return," specifically the Dead Sea, where they would be drowned.

After Ambassador Joseph Wilson went public about his investigation in Niger of the uranium claim, the Bushies, who had asked him to go in the first place, decided to smear him, personally, and his mission. Ari Fleischer, for example, sneered that all he’d done was heard the Nigerien government deny the allegation, which is of course what they’d do; no reporter asked Ari what then was the point of sending him in the first place. Since then, they have leaked to the press that Wilson’s wife is a CIA officer. This is a felony. If you or I revealed the name of a CIA employee, we’d go to jail.

Be Careful What You Wish For: the prospective Museum for Contraception and Abortion (in Austria) is asking for people to contribute exhibits, old condoms and such.

Something I hadn’t heard: when the civil unions law passed in Vermont, the U of Vermont immediately ceased offering health benefits to gay employees’ domestic partners unless they registered. That was in this moderately thought-provoking article on why gay marriage isn’t enough, in the Voice.

At Buckingham Palace, a 17-year old streaker, yards away from the queen, shouting “Wahey,” was tackled by a Beefeater. There’s a sentence you don’t get to write every day. Lembit Opik, the Liberal Democrat MP, who was also at the party but who missed the incident, said: “I feel he showed a naked loyalty to the Queen. I applaud him.”

Monday, July 21, 2003

OK, flatter than a pancake

That mysterious disappearing WaPo story about the Dept of Heimat Security’s shortcomings finally reappears. Pretty much as expected, at least by me, the dept that Bush didn’t want got crushed by its competitors, the CIA and FBI, and where it does anything at all, it’s another layer of bureaucracy where another layer is not needed. It is not performing and never will perform any function in coordinating intelligence. Which is probably just as well, since it wouldn’t have the institutional strength to stand up to demands to “prove” whatever the administration wants proven.

From William Safire’s column: “Drop the premature conclusion that if we can't yet find proof of the destructive weapons, they never existed. That's like saying because we haven't found Osama or Saddam, those killers never existed.” Or the Easter Bunny.

I complained a while back that the petitions to recall Gray Davis weren’t being turned in immediately (of course once the recallistas did get around to turning them in, they wanted them counted immediately, faster than the law required, and got a tame judge to go along, necessitating the hiring of new personnel by registrars--hey, might I suggest you hire some of those day care workers the state just stopped paying because of the budget crisis? God this state is fucked up). This got up my nose because of the attitude that petitions, which are properly a matter between citizens and their government, were being treated like the property of the recall committee. Well, it’s even worse than that. Some of their paid signature-takers were not legally qualified to take signatures, being felons and non-Californians and whatnot, so they just threw away all the signatures collected by those people. That should be a criminal act, just like tampering with an election. The right to petition is mentioned in the Declaration of Independence, one of the things that is supposed to prevent government from becoming a tyranny between election periods.

For that last sentence, I looked through the Declaration. It is especially ironic reading because the “representative” “Governing” Council in Iraq’s first action was to declare April 10, “Independence Day.” (The Daily Show asked whether that means next year they’ll advertise Independence Day sales--almost as cheap as looting!) Ironic because the things our Founding Fathers were complaining of are exactly the things we bequeathed to Iraq on its “Independence Day”: standing armies, protected “by a mock Trial” from punishment for murders of the locals; “He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution,”; depriving us of trial by jury, transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offences; “He has plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts [ok, deserts], burnt our Towns, and destroyed the lives of our People”; excited domestic insurrections--check--large armies of foreign mercenaries--check--multitude of new officers, swarms of officers to harass our people & eat out their substance--let’s see, Paul Bremer, Achmad Chalabi, Haliburton, check and double-check.

(Later:) Kofi Annan says the UN should certify the US-appointed fake government in Iraq, and the Security Council should “confer legitimacy on the process”. As far as I’m concerned, Annan just declared himself unfit for the office he occupies.

The US has finally sent troops to Liberia. Of course they’re only there to protect the embassy, which is pretty much the definition of adding insult to injury. Liberians are piling up their dead bodies in front of the embassy, which I take to be a subtle criticism of Bush’s wait & see policy of “monitoring events,” events which included the massacre of 90 civilians in Monrovia today.

The first human tongue transplant has been performed successfully.

It is scientifically proven that Kansas is in fact flatter than a pancake. Whether this says more about Kansas or about pancakes, I simply lack the scientific credentials to say.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

My daily thought showers

A Mexican special prosecutor insists that a human rights lawyer committed suicide in 2001 by shooting herself in the head. And the leg. Not necessarily in that order.

Bush is trying to destroy yet another international treaty, that on ozone, possibly a swipe at Al “Ozone Man” Gore. He is demanding that the US be allowed to retain and even increase use of a pesticide which is the most ozone-depleting substance still used in the developed world (it also causes prostate cancer in farmers unless of course they masturbate a lot in their 20’s rather than having sex with farm animals). He wants the US still to be able to use it for critical applications, like tending golf courses.

Tony Blair went to Hong Kong, which he evidently washed his hands of completely when he handed it over in 1997. He refused to meet privately with Martin Lee or any other democracy advocate.

In contrast, the French embassy in Cuba invited every Cuban dissident it could think of to its Bastille Day celebrations.

From the Telegraph: “Two Zimbabwean mortuary workers have been arrested on charges of renting out corpses to motorists to enable them to take advantage of special fuel deals for hearses.” (The version of this story in the Observer is that they merely borrowed the bodies in order to purchase fuel themselves at a discount, and then re-sold it.)

A NYT story (oo, and in the Post) says the obvious, that the actual war on Iraq started months before it started. Also, this half-chilling, half-humorous tidbit: “Air war commanders were required to obtain the approval of Defense Secretary Donald L. Rumsfeld if any planned airstrike was thought likely to result in deaths of more than 30 civilians. More than 50 such strikes were proposed, and all of them were approved.”

Robert Fisk (and others) are reporting that the US is hushing up any attack on US forces in Iraq that doesn’t result in casualties, and some that do. Including: an attack by 15 armed men on a patrol 3 days ago; a bomb consisting of a series of mortar shells injured a US soldier outside a bank 5 days ago. Basically, they only report successes, and then in oddly Stalinist terms, saying for example that recent raids "successfully achieved the objectives of neutralising subversive individuals". Reports of attacks on Americans, however, are reported more seriously than those on Iraqis, which are stuck under the heading “crime.”

Friday, July 18, 2003

You little fruitcake. You little fruitcake. I said you are a fruitcake


Bill Thomas claims he didn’t call the cops to intimidate D members of the House Ways and Means Committee, but because they were afraid of getting beaten up by septuagenarian Pete Stark, a man who does not like fruitcake.

Dick Cheney’s ultra-secretive energy committee asked for maps of oil sites in Iraq and elsewhere in the Middle East, well before 9/11.

The White House plumbers are getting remarkably petty. After ABC interviewed some really pissed off soldiers in Iraq, they spread the word that the reporter was gay and Canadian. And they gave Matt Drudge a picture of D presidential candidate (not that you’d know it) Bob Graham near a Jaguar.

The reporter thankfully has thicker skin than Dr. David Kelly, a fatality in the war between Tony Blair (Alastair Campbell, really, but you’ve never heard of him) and the BBC. That war concerned the government trying to get the BBC to name its sources for the claim that Campbell had “sexed up” the dossier on Iraq, falsely asserting that it could launch WMDs within 45 minutes. This is the British equivalent of Yellowcake-gate (by the way, that term is my own, and I like it precisely because of how difficult it is to saw out loud. Others are using Niger-gate, but since Americans insist on mispronouncing the name of that country, I went elsewhere).

US deaths in Iraq are now higher than in Gulf War I.

Ríos Montt has a campaign slogan: “I am Guatemala.” How very Louis XIV.

The WaPo cites a Bush admin source, who coordinated the State of the Union Address they say, doing a somewhat crappier job of hiding their source than the BBC, as saying that Bush was unaware of the bits in the National Intelligence Estimate saying that the Niger claim (and the aluminum tubes claim) was doubtful. The Post:
“The official said Bush was "briefed" on the NIE's contents, but "I don't think he sat down over a long weekend and read every word of it." Asked whether Bush was aware the State Department called the Africa-uranium claim "highly dubious," the official, who coordinated Bush's State of the Union address, said: "He did not know that." "The president was comfortable at the time, based on the information that was provided in his speech," the official said of the decision to use it in the address to Congress. "The president of the United States is not a fact-checker."

No fucking kidding. And....a “long weekend”? The NIE was 90 pages long. Are they supposed to just come out and admit that Boy George is not a good reader?

Thursday, July 17, 2003

Universal values


Tony Blair in DC: “We promised Iraq democratic government. We will deliver it.” And then they’ll find that it looked better in the catalog. But really, can something “delivered” from the outside actually be called “democratic government”? Elsewhere in the speech, Tone talks about spreading universal values--not American or British values, he said, universal values. Of course if they were universal values, they would hardly need spreading, now would they? Although the Independent editorializes that he might have tried spreading them in Washington by pointing out the lack of universality in treating non-citizens in Guantanamo by different rules.

A cute LA Weekly column on Bush’s recent travails points out that Bush, who “adversity always turns...rabbity and mean,” “acted as if the charges against his speech somehow concerned the depth of his convictions. ‘There’s no doubt in my mind,’ he kept saying. ‘There’s no doubt in my mind . . . I’m confident in the decision I’ve made.’”

Indeed, it’s Bush’s confidence and lack of doubt that we find so scary.

Marc Cooper notes in the same issue that “Bush bullied and bullshitted to get his way, and the top Democrats fully accommodated him” months before that speech. They didn’t even really need to be lied to. “You had me at hello.” [that’s me, not Cooper][I wouldn’t be that fastidious about taking credit, but Cooper himself suggests Bush’s speeches should be footnoted so we know who’s responsible for which lie].

A story allegedly in the WashPost today about how the Dept of Heimat Security isn’t up to the job of dealing with intelligence never returned more than an empty page when I clicked on the link, then it vanished altogether from the table of contents, and it’s not in Lexis-Nexis either. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

A reminder of the longevity of war’s effects: 2, possibly 3 Austrians were killed by an unexploded American bomb from the Second World War, near the train station in Salzburg, where I never committed armed robbery.

Enormously overblown

We (well, I) haven’t been paying enough attention to Guatemala, whose supreme court just overruled the constitution to allow former coup leader and scum Efrain Ríos Montt to run for president. He was overthrown 20 years ago next month, on my birthday. He has been head of the legislature since 1999, when he engineered the election of an admitted multiple murderer as president when the courts wouldn’t let him run. His party is now in total control of Guatemala, including the supreme court. Checking my old emails to see what’s been happening, I find a reference to Guatemala televising executions (June 2000), and paying pensions to old members of death squads (July 2002). Wonder what I’ve missed?

Evidently the creationist science fair site was a parody. I should have known it was too good to be true. Sorry.

The law setting up independent prosecutors, I thought, required that people investigated but not charged with anything would have their legal expenses reimbursed, as happened with Reagan and Bush the Elder. In fact, one of the ways in which Kenneth Starr abused his power was threaten to bring charges he knew wouldn’t stick in order to bankrupt people who didn’t cooperate with him. Now, a panel of the US Court of Appeals for DC has decided to stick the Clintons with 98% of their legal expenses for the Whitewater investigation, saying that even though no charges were filed, even if they’d just been private citizens someone else would have investigated them. Whether that someone else would instigate a $50 million (or whatever it was) witch hunt over a $100,000 failed land deal, the panel, whose majority was of course appointed by Republicans (and at least one of whom conspired to appoint Starr), did not say. This decision ratifies the sort of hunt & destroy methods used by Starr and the Republicans, which left Clinton with legal bills amounting to way more than his presidential salary over 8 years. Whatever one thinks of Clinton, we all know that a private citizen would not have been treated that way, and a multi-million-dollar debt should not be accepted as part of the trappings of office.

Lieberman and Dean are demanding that DCI Tenet resign over Yellowcake-gate. Why? The CIA is the only institution in the executive branch known to have made any effort to stop lies being told. It didn’t stop all of them, but with this administration that would be a task beyond the ken of mere mortals. They lie like others spam.

(Later): Dean seems to be saying that Tenet should resign not because he didn’t stop the lie, but because his taking responsibility for it now is an attempt to derail a proper investigation. OK, that’s fair.

Condi Rice on CNN about Yellowcake-gate: "It is 16 words, and it has become an enormously overblown issue." Yeah, totally overblown, like it was 19 words or something.

The Niger forgeries finally go public, in La Repubblica, and they are even cruder than we were told. 8 pages, at least a dozen obvious errors (a document dated July 1999 talking about negotiations in June 2000, for example), not counting as many spelling mistakes as you see in the average Nigerian scam (yes, I know that’s another country), and a crude drawing of the supposed Nigerien national emblem.

This is a must read. It’s about the parallel intelligence operation Rumsfeld established. If you’ve read other stories on that, you still have to read this one, which makes clear how amateurish and how out of control this administration has become. It also talks about the relationship between these spook-wannabes and a similar ad hoc group in Ariel Sharon’s office started for exactly the same reason, because Mossad refused to be as alarmist about Iraq as Sharon wanted. Newt Gingrich shows up in the article (see also an op-ed piece), as does Dick Cheney. Remember him? I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that a vice president can disappear so completely, but the evidence is increasing that he’s been a very busy boy.

Take this quiz to find out how much of a threat you pose to the Bush administration.

Times headline: “Prostate Cancer – Is the Solution in a Man’s Hands?” Evidently masturbating a lot in your 20’s (er, 5 times a week, is that a lot?) is the key. And up to 50, just to be safe. Having lots of sex in your 20’s increases the risk of prostate cancer.

Ways in which Britain is now a colony of the US. It no longer has an independent military capability; not only can’t they use their own nuclear weapons without permission, for technological reasons, not any NATO or treaty arrangement, but the same applies now to cruise missiles, which work through a GPS system that the US controls. Ditto intelligence. The US has bases all over Britain and British possessions like Diego Garcia over which Britain has no control at all. And a recent extradition treaty requires that Britain hand over any of its citizens the US wants without any evidence being presented in a British court, but not the other way around. And the British papers have been making a fuss for days about the US holding 2 Brits at Guantanamo, and the British government can’t get them turned over to it. The article points out that if the UK really were the 51st state, its citizens would have more protection from the US government. This is the future of the world if the Bushies get their way, with nations exercising only so much sovereignty as the US will allow them.

On the other hand, the Guardian elsewhere notes that in the 1950s Britain planned to plant nuclear landmines in Germany to prevent a Soviet invasion, so it’s not like they were doing anything useful with their sovereignty when they had it.

Here’s something I hadn’t heard of: a program begun during the Depression under Hoover to deport Mexican immigrants to cut down unemployment. Some of the deportees had American citizenship.

I mentioned that the military will have a veto on defense lawyers for Guantanamo tribunal trials. Did I mention they’d have to pay for their own security clearances, thousands of dollars, and transport, and that if they talk to anybody about any detail of the case, like say the press, they can be detained...in Guantanamo? And the rules of evidence and the eavesdropping on lawyer-client conversations would leave any lawyer who participates to being sanctioned--quite correctly, I think--by their bar association. Meanwhile, Gitmo is up to its 29th suicide attempt.

Quote of the day: "President Bush made a comment a week ago, and he said 'bring it on.' Well, they brought it on, and now my nephew is dead."

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Dead, alive, or torn to pieces

Howard Dean: “this government either is inept or simply has not told us the truth.” Don’t know why you thinks its either/or, Howie. The WashPost editorializes that there is no proof, yet, that the Bushies knowingly falsified the case for war. Even if we grant that, which I don’t, there is proof that they failed to correct their misstatements after they were found to be false, which is quite bad enough. And if there isn’t proof yet, it’s because they really didn’t care that much about the facts, they just put any old info-turd out there.

Mrs. Bush read a book about Clifford the big red dog to some HIV-infected children in Uganda; the children responded with a song: “AIDS has no mercy to the youth," they sang. "We all die young.”

Here’s an amusing transcript of a CNN interview by Wolf Blitzer of Scott Ritter. (or would be if I’d remembered to past the URL, but you could look it up) Blitzer tries to make Bush’s case at every turn, and Ritter corrects him on his facts over and over. As an example of what’s wrong with tv journalism it’s instructive, but Ritter also gives a new datum. There’s an Iraqi nuclear scientist who had equipment buried in his back yard. British foreign sec Jack Straw just tried to use this as an ah-hah without mentioning that the stuff had been there since 1991 and was never dug up, suggesting that Iraq was not reconstituting its arms program. Ritter mentions that if Clinton hadn’t pulled the plug on inspections in 1998, they had plans to go into the scientist’s back yard with ground-penetrating radar.

Gay marriage is legalized in Buenos Aires.

A 13-year old girl in Florida will be tried as an adult.

Bush’s new press secretary’s father has a book coming out about the conspiracy behind the assassination of JFK.

The puppet “governing” council in Iraq acts to set up a war crimes court. Oh yeah, that’ll be fair. Victor’s justice at its finest.

The US has cleared the soldiers who shot down an RAF Tornado in Iraq. Have you ever heard of someone being punished for a friendly fire incident? The board of inquiry claims that the Tornado’s friend-or-foe identifier wasn’t functioning. The only problem there (besides the fact that you still wouldn’t mistake the plane for a missile) is that if that system isn’t working, the plane cannot take off.

The Philippines government has announced a reward of £60,000 for an Islamic militant, alive, dead or “torn to pieces.”

Neil Bush, the presidential brother whose crimes at Silverado S & L have been completely forgotten, is in the middle of a dirty divorce, which is being ignored like FDR’s wheelchair. He’s trying to throw her and his kids out of the family house (which she’s willing to buy, but he won’t sell...not to her anyway). And he admits to having sex with local women (read prostitutes) several times during business trips to the mysterious Orient.

Monday, July 14, 2003

Going to the lavatory at speeds up to 75 mph

http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html Like the URL says, a creationist science fair. First prize: a 5th grader proves that her uncle is a human and not a monkey. Hon. menshes include a 3rd grader’s project, “God made kitty” and a 4th grader’s, “"Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False” (sic). An 8th grader conclusively proved that life does not come from non-life, by putting water, a lump of charcoal, and a vitamin in a sealed glass jar and leaving it for three weeks (praying to God not to fuck up her project by performing a miracle, of course). A 7th grade boy won 2nd place for proving that "Women Were Designed For Homemaking". The high school projects are a bit more advanced, and much weirder.

For only $3,500 you too can run for governor of California. No, I’m not. How could I win against the likes of Angelyne (from the Hollywood billboards), who has just entered.

Not only are environmental reports that disagree with Bush ideology being suppressed, now the EPA is refusing to analyze air pollution proposals produced by Democrats.

Lecturer in what? “An American lecturer, Richard Rodriguez, 42, has set a record with four days on a rollercoaster in Germany, sleeping, eating and going to the lavatory at speeds up to 75 mph.”

Bush now says the war with Iraq resulted from Saddam’s refusal to let inspectors in, which will be news to Hans Blix. He also says that the doubts about the Nigerien intelligence only arose after the State of the Union speech. In fact, it was disproved a year before. The statements from the administration are getting wilder and wilder. See, for example, the transcript of Rumsfeld on This Week, and Ari Fleischer’s last news conference. Fleischer said "The president, of course, would not be pleased if he said something in the State of the Union that may or may not have been true and should not have risen to his level." Well, who would be? And, asked for evidence that Iraq was reconstituting its nuclear program, Fleischer said: "I turn it around. Why would anybody think that a leader as brutal as Saddam Hussein would not pursue weapons of mass destruction of biological and chemical and then say, 'But I'm not interested in nuclear?'” Gosh, I’m convinced. The WashPost has a nice snarky piece analyzing the many types of evasion Fleischer deployed. at the end, Bob Deans of Cox News Service rose to say that he had brought Fleischer a cake. "We've received assurances that it's not yellow cake," Deans said. "But that doesn't prove that it's not yellow cake."

Howard Dean ran his first ad, ending, “That's why I'm running for President. And that's why I approved this message.” Jon Stewart made fun of him as “a can-do guy who’s in charge of the things that come out of his own mouth”, but that was before Bush started blaming everybody else for the word-things that came out of his own mouth. This is why political satire is so difficult.

Sunday, July 13, 2003

The real victim

Bush now considers the matter of Yellowcake-gate closed, meaning Tenet won’t get fired for “letting” Bush tell a porkie. So why does Bush think that *he* gets to decide when the question is closed? Because he sees no connection between himself and the words that are expelled from his mouth. Therefore, when Bush tells an untruth, he is actually the real victim, but in this case Bush has magnanimously decided to let Tenet off the hook for Bush having lied. Bush is not actually a liar, they are suggesting, he is a lie-delivery system. After all, you don’t blame the urinal for your bladder infection.

The person who wrote the lie in the first place is still at large. His speechwriter claims to have forgotten who inserted the text about Niger. Must have been the lie fairies.

The US has put out a reward of $2,500 for anyone with information about one of the many incidents in which Iraqis kill or try to kill US soldiers. That’s insultingly paltry, isn’t it? It’s 1/10,000th of the reward for Saddam’s capture. Still, that hasn’t happened either. It’s nice to know there are things the Iraqis won’t do for money. And still none of Saddam’s look-alikes have been found. Or Osama or Mullah Omar. Remember Mullah Omar?

The falsely named Iraqi governing council has just met (the Iraqi national budget was announced a week ago) and, exercising the one governing power devolved to it by Proconsul Bremer, has named a new holiday, the falsely named Independence Day, and abolished 6 old ones, which my feeble grasp of mathematics suggests means that Iraqis will have to work 5 more days for the same money.

The appointed council has been described as a mixture of Shiites, Kurds and whatnot, fully representative of the diversity of Iraqis (evidently the Iraqi population has 8 men to every woman, which would explain why they’re so cranky). 10 of the 25 lived in exile, 6 in Kurdish or other areas not controlled by Saddam. One is Chalabi. And, if this is any help, 18 wore business suits, 4 had keffiyas, 2 tribal costumes. The people surrounding the meeting wore US military combat gear, with some CIA agents in plain clothes. No members of the Iraqi public were allowed in. The most important member, Abdul Aziz al-Hakim, said “We are working as fast as possible to end this invasion.” The sentence was mysteriously left out of the official translation. Can’t find it through Google, either.

Condi Rice was at the forefront in blaming George Tenet for Yellowcake-gate, but it turns out the State of the Union address was not the first time someone tried to put the Niger lie into a Bush speech, that the CIA had in fact intervened 3 months before with her deputy. So maybe Condi can stop trying to shift the blame away from herself. In a new shift, today the Bushies were trying to claim that it was all true, that Iraq really was trying to buy uranium in Niger. Look in the next couple of days for an attempt to blame France (if MI6 really didn’t tell the CIA everything it knew, it was because it got the info from French intelligence, which makes sense since France runs Niger’s uranium program).

Saturday, July 12, 2003

Tolerating gay sex in the church

The German newspaper Bild marked the resignation of Italy's tourist minister Stefano Stefani by chartering flights to Rimini and offering seats to readers who are "fat and blond" and like "to make plenty of noise".

The current state of play in Yellowcake-gate is that the CIA is saying it never believed MI6 about the uranium story, but that MI6 refused to share its intelligence. Both sides say this. Bullshit. Good Maureen Dowd column on this.

If you need an overview, the Independent lists and debunks the top 20 lies about Iraq.

From the Sunday Times, a rather badly phrased first sentence: “CHURCH of England bishops are planning to publish a radical report which will argue that gay sex should be tolerated in the church.”

Friday, July 11, 2003

Not totally outrageous

In Africa, Bush said that the average American "cares deeply about the fact that people are dying in record numbers because of HIV-Aids. That's really the story that I want the people of Africa to hear, and I want the people of America to know that I'm willing to take that story to this continent." No help, you understand, just stories. Bush the griot. Actually, pretty much as he said this, Republicans in Congress were cutting 1/3 of the AIDS spending Bush promised from the 2004 budget. Which would be fine if it were the 1/3 Bush wanted to spend on abstinence propaganda.

At a photo-op, two elephants started mating right in front of Bush. I want pictures, and I can’t find them. This demonstrates everything that is wrong with the media. Well, maybe not, but I want to see Bush in front of the fucking elephants. Or squashed by them, but that’s really too much to hope for.

From the AP: “Arnold N. Nawrocki, the man widely credited with bringing individually wrapped slices of cheese into the homes of millions of families in the 1950s, has died at 78.”

The Bushies are passing around the blame over the Niger/uranium fiction less like a hot potato and more like hot uranium. And lying, lying, lying. I did like Colin Powell’s defense that the claim was “not totally outrageous.” Condi is blaming DCI George Tenet (a Clinton appointee) for failing to object (the CIA, State, DOD & her own NSC all had at least 10 days to do so), although it does seem the CIA insisted that Bush attribute the claim to British intelligence (the British are having the same blame-fest, but they scream at each other in classier accents). By the way, I mentioned that by treaty all this “evidence” had to be turned over to the IAEA? When it eventually was, the IAEA took exactly one day to decide it was crap. Ari Fleischer, the slimy toad that he is (I understand Bush likes to rub his bald head, possibly hoping he’ll turn into Pierre Salinger), claimed that the ambassador who went to Niger just found out that Niger denied it, which is not true. There’s lots of talk about who learned what when. If we take all the denials seriously, giving them the benefit of the doubt that they didn’t pass on a really feeble, easily disproven lie for the hell of it, that is if we choose to believe that no one saw the ambassador’s report, no one checked the fake document, then we have a picture of utter incompetence and no one sharing information--exactly the situation that created the 9/11 intelligence failure.

And no one seems to be even trying to get to the bottom of the forged Niger document. I suggested Israel some time back, others are saying Chalibi, which given the sheer incompetence of the forgery is probably the better bet.

This email has been cleared by the intelligence services

“Q: My son has earned the rank of Eagle Scout, and I understand the CIA will send him a letter of congratulations upon request? A: We regret we are unable to process and provide certificates of congratulations to the fine young Americans who have become Eagle Scouts. We have curtailed some activities in order for us to concentrate on the War on Terrorism. Please be assured we will resume the practice when we are able to do so.” -- from the FAQ section of the CIA website.

No, the CIA is too busy taking the rap for a lie in the State of the Union Address. So there’s some talk about the Niger claim misleading Congress, and some about it misleading the American people, and no one at all is asking whether Bush made his decisions based on faulty information. Possibly the idea that Bush bases his decisions on information of any kind is so laughable.

Still, there’s something ignoble and craven about Bush’s excuse: “I gave a speech to the nation that was cleared by the intelligence services.” Remember what Truman said about where the buck stops. No, not with the selfish Jews, the other thing. Dictionary definitions of clear: free of obstructions or unwanted objects; transparent; net profit.

Tony Blair issued not one but two “dodgy dossiers,” with material lifted from not terribly recent public sources.

Bush meets AIDS victims. I guess he seemed sincere, right up until he brought God into it: "You are not alone. America has decided to act. I believe God has called us into action.” And then he brought in the military metaphors, calling doctors generals in “the world-wide army of compassion.”

Sometimes when I keep several windows going and click between newspapers so I don’t have to sit around while things download, I get interesting juxtapositions. Variations on a theme: the Italian tourism minister who complained about “hyper-nationalist arrogant blonde” German tourists has resigned; Norwegian “whore children,” fathered by German occupation troops as part of a program to create hyper-nationalist arrogant blondes, are suing because of the horrendous treatment of them after the war (as was also the case in Denmark); Germany is planning a really really tough language requirement for immigrants.

AP headline of the day: “Man Gets Life for Sucking Boys' Toes.” And oh good, it’s a California story. A supervisor of a youth program, but still.

The Swiss national airline has been refused further subsidies by the government, so it has cut back on its flights. For example, all its flights to the capital, Berne.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

The facts will show the world the truth

AP headline: “Man ‘Mad at the World’ Kills 5 Co-workers.” Well I’ll bet the world isn’t too happy with him either.

The 9/11 commission complains that the government is delaying producing documents and refusing to let officials testify without minders being present, evidently waiting out the 18-month clock on the commission, and no one has yet compared this to Saddam’s techniques towards UN arms inspectors, as obvious a comparison as it is. Hell, you’d think the Bushies would welcome the comparison, since it turned out that Saddam wasn’t even hiding anything.

Asked in a press conference in South Africa, "Do you still believe they were trying to buy nuclear materials in Africa?", Bush said: "Right now? One thing is for certain, he's not trying to buy anything right now." Now how would he know what Saddam is or isn’t doing right now? On the same subject, Ari Fleischer: “I think the burden is on those people who think he didn't have weapons of mass destruction to tell the world where they are.” And Bush again: “There's no doubt in my mind that when it's all said and done the facts will show the world the truth.” Pretty much by definition.

Incidentally, those claims that there’s other evidence that Iraq was seeking uranium in Africa? If it exists, then we are in violation of Security Council resolution 1441 for failing to turn it over to the IAEA.

In South Africa, Bush failed to reiterate demands that Mugabe step down as president of Zimbabwe, saying that SA’s Mbeki was “the point man” on Zim. Mbeki then said that in fact South Africa had successfully created dialog between the Zim government and opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai (pronounced just like its spelled), which is in fact a lie. At least two British papers refer to SA’s “quiet diplomacy” towards Zimbabwe, which is the term Reagan used for his policy towards apartheid South Africa.

Berlusconi not having insulted Germans enough last week, his tourism minister attacks Germans as "hyper-nationalistic blonds" and "beer-swilling yobs.” (What’s the Italian for yob?) Schröder cancels his plans to holiday in Italy and will vacation in...Hannover. Berlusconi says I feel sorry for him.

A Pakistani newspaper editor is jailed for life for publishing a “blasphemous” letter. The law of blasphemy is frequently used in Pakistan against Christians. [Later: another story has the top Pakistani university about to ban all sorts of “vulgar” Western literature.]

Elvis was The King, and eBay is selling his crown. The one from his mouth. And part of a tooth.

“Danish troops in Iraq were sent salt for de-icing, a snowplough and lawnmowers in a recent shipment. The 380-strong group had complained of the heat in armoured vehicles with no air-conditioning. Many vital supplies, including stakes for their tents, have not been delivered. (AFP)”

I smell Bush backing away from the idea of sending troops to Liberia. Right now, Bush is saying he won’t send troops until Charles Taylor leaves the country, and Taylor is saying he won’t leave until the troops arrive. If anyone were serious about this, this would not be a major obstacle. Bush doesn’t want to send troops if they’d look like they were propping Taylor up, but the recent record of performance by the US military entering a political vacuum is not good. The US did send a few military types to scout out the situation, and they were greeted by actual by god dancing in the streets. So what do I think? I’d like to see some sort of force go in, but not the US and not the West African countries either (Bush talked about training the ECOWAS force in peacekeeping, so they can do as good a job in Liberia as we’re doing in Iraq, presumably). This is what the United Nations is for. Peacekeeping is required and US troops are flat-out incapable of doing it. However good the intentions of the operation, the result will always be bad because US troops’ first through tenth priority is always their own protection, which they take to mean aggressive searches, road blocks, armored personnel carriers, no personal contact, a lot of yelling (in English), and shooting anyone who looks at them cross-eyed.

From the WashPost: “The Department of Homeland Security launched an operation yesterday to help protect children from pornographers, child prostitution rings, Internet predators and human traffickers.” If the dept has time for this, then the country is obviously secure from terrorism and the dept can be abolished.

And here’s a story from California: “The state Board of Education delayed for two years yesterday a requirement that all high school students take an exit exam to graduate, saying some have not been prepared for the high-stakes test.” This shows, if further proof was needed, that tests do not test existing knowledge but rather test-taking skills. Nobody should need to “been prepared” for the test.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

"A plan known only to Providence." What does Rhode Island have to do with it?

So Stephen Hawking rolls into a strip club.... No, seriously. There’s a picture.

The US may not have admitted that its “ultimate objective” in sending troops to Iraq is to gain access to its oil, but the Polish foreign minister has (the words in quotes are his).

Bush comes out against slavery. He thinks it was a bad thing. Although he doesn’t actually apologize for it. Now remember how I complained about the affirmative action decision that the “diversity” argument was used as if you couldn’t just do it to redress injustices against minorities but had to claim that it benefitted white guys as well? How’s this for logic--Bush again: "the spirit of their captors was corrupted . . . small men took on the powers and airs of tyrants and masters. Years of unpunished brutality and bullying and rape produced a dullness and hardness of conscience. Christian men and women became blind to the clearest commands of their faith..." Then he goes on about the black people convincing whites to free them. "By a plan known only to Providence, the stolen sons and daughters of Africa helped to awaken the conscience of America. The very people traded into slavery helped set America free." So the real crime of slavery was that it hurt white people. (Most reports omitted the “Christian men and women” line; the NY Times carried it, and noted the intense religiosity of the speech, although it didn’t mention that Senegal is a mostly Muslim country.)

By the way, I was wrong about the residents of Gorée being confined to their homes during Bush’s visit. They were actually herded into a football field and kept there most of the day.

Maybe the drug tsar should be retitled the drug pope? He was at a Christian drug rehab clinic to “celebrate its miracles. ... Institutions that connect people to God are crucial to the many millions of people who are in recovery.” Hey if you want to connect them to God, give them their LSD back. Obviously the Bushies are preparing yet another cash giveaway to the God-botherers. (In the first line of this paragraph it would have bene more appropriate to say drug patriarch than drug pope, that being the title of the head of the Russian orthodox Church, thus extending the “tsar” theme, but I couldn’t be sure how many of you would have recognized the term)

WashPost headline: “U.S. to Appoint Council to Represent Iraqis.” Appoint. Represent. Don’t think so.

Monday, July 07, 2003

A very important continent

Gray Davis is spending a million bucks or so to get signatures on petitions against the recall. Such petitions have no legal value, or any other value really, and are presumably just intended to fog the issue. The LA Times has a story about migrant signature-collectors, who go from state to state in search of these paying gigs (it is illegal for other than registered voters to collect signatures, but the Republicans actively recruited in Washington state). Some simultaneously collect signatures for each side. Ah, citizen democracy at its finest.

The Israeli Cabinet agrees to release some prisoners. Islamic Jihad is threatening to end its week-old truce because none of its (or Hamas’s) people will be released. Or any the Israelis “think have blood on their hands.” That formulation refers to the fact that Israel doesn’t bother trying most of the people it detains. The 400 (some papers say 300) that will be released--very very slowly--would only amount to a fraction of the number detained without trial (every paper has its own figure for this one). I don’t know if releasees will be confined to them or will include people actually convicted of something, although I gather most will be women, children and sick people.

You’ll remember that Rumsfeld threatened Belgium that if it didn’t change its crimes against humanity law, he would pull NATO hq out of Brussels and otherwise punish them. They pointed out that they had already changed the law, stopping the proceedings against Bush and Tommy Franks, so why is Rumsfeld still not happy? Well, Rummy is actually acting on behalf of Ariel Sharon. The change in the law, allowing defendants to be tried only in their own countries, did in fact protect all Americans, but the people who filed charges against Sharon for the Sabra-Shatila massacres are Palestinian refugees, who wouldn’t be allowed into Israel to present their cases, so Belgium still has jurisdiction.

Only 9 current and former Senators made it to Strom Thurmond’s funeral. Trent Lott did not go. Suggested eulogy: If we had buried Strom in 1948 the country would not be in this mess.

I can’t figure out what the vote in Corsica turning down greater autonomy meant, but it sounds like the Corsicans weren’t too clear themselves.

African leaders are expected to complain to Bush about their cotton farmers being bankrupted by the heavy US subsidies of our cotton farmers. Oh sure, but when we brought them over to work in our cotton fields, they bitched and moaned about that too.

By the way, Bush will be visiting Nigeria, which he once described as “a very important continent.”

Italy’s highest court, which you know from this space deals exclusively with cases involving sex in automobiles, mothers-in-law, whether women wearing jeans can be raped, etc etc, rules that a pat on the ass constitutes sexual violence.

We’re getting closer to figuring out the precise limits of acceptable homophobia in this country. It’s somewhere between Rick Santorum and Michael Savage (who I never got around to watching during his brief run on MSNBC, not knowing the wit and subtlety of his rhetoric rose to this level: “Oh, you're one of the sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig. How's that? Why don't you see if you can sue me, you pig. You got nothing better than to put me down, you piece of garbage. You have got nothing to do today, go eat a sausage and choke on it. Get trichinosis.”).

In Britain, those limits have been clarified this week by the Archbishop of Canterbury, who pressured the newly appointed Bishop of Reading to resign. Seems the guy is in a homosexual relationship, celibate just as the Church of England and until recently the state of Texas demands, but the evangelicals, who have all the money, and the Anglican church in Nigeria, complained that he used to have sex and has not “repented.” The thing is, Rohan Williams, the bearded, happy-clappy Archbishop, knows better and not only gave in but defended the right of the bigots to be bigots.

Sunday, July 06, 2003

The Simpsons, I mean Bushes, are going to Africa!

An ITN cameraman is killed in Iraq, the 17th journalist of the war and if I’m not very much mistaken the first not killed by the US.

Anglers in northern Italy are using live kittens as bait to catch catfish. If that isn’t icky enough for you, try to find footage of those Iranian siamese twins joined at the head.

Bush is going into the bush, the first president to visit Africa in his first term, and possibly the first sitting Republican president (what, Teddy Roosevelt didn’t go to shoot something?). He claims it’s about AIDS and humanitarianism (the extent of which can be seen in appointing an Eli Lilly executive to run the AIDS program, despite a compete lack of experience with AIDS or Africa). But of course it’s about oil deposits off the West African coast, which evidently the neo-Cons and pro-Israel types want. Oil has done nothing for the people of Nigeria or Angola except to increase corruption and pay for civil wars. Studies have said that discovering oil is one of the worst things that can happen to a Third World country.

Anyway, in Senegal, Bush will go to a slavery museum, where he will be shown the weights, neck rings and leg irons used on slaves being sent to America. No newspaper anywhere in the world will run this story next to a picture of prisoners being sent to Guantanamo. Which is why I should run a newspaper. When Nelson Mandela visited the museum, he asked to spend some time alone in the isolation room used for recalcitrant slaves. Speaking of which, the 400 residents of Gorée island will not be allowed out of their homes while Bush is around, because god forbid he should meet an actual native. Basically, he’s going to airports in 5 African countries, and the heads of state will come out to meet him and he’ll say he visited Africa.

I don’t think we’re ever going to get a credible explanation for why US troops in Iraq seized those 11 Turkish troops.

They don't expect God to have a Manchester accent

When I said that Wolfowitz names the people to be prosecuted by military tribunal, their juries, judges and the review board, I failed to mention that his insistence that defense lawyers have security clearances effectively means he appoints them too, or at least vetoes (and can remove them, or the judges, any time during the trial), and reserves the right to listen in on their conversations. The prisoners are also being threatened with the death penalty if they don’t plead guilty.

Incidentally, has there ever been an official explanation of the two prisoners beaten to death at Guantanamo?

Headline in the Observer: “Language Schools 'Were Front' for Lap-Dance Smuggling Ring” [in Ireland]. That’s what we need: an English-Lapdancing Dictionary.

This week Laos sentenced two European reporters to long prison terms, garnering absolutely no attention in the US, although they were reporting on the Hmong and other fighters we first incited into rebellion and then mostly abandoned in 1975. Evidently some of them are still fighting on and expecting rescue by the US any day now. Talk about not getting the message.

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Checks and balances

Happy 27th anniversary of the Bicentennial.

Berlusconi denies that he ever apologized. Indeed, he feels that he is owed an apology.

Some idiot with piercings of her lips and studs was hit by lightning. Guess what acted as conductors? There is an organization for such people. I didn’t dare click on “Become a member.”

They’re finally moving towards those “military tribunals.” Here’s a quote from the Times:
"There are a lot of checks and balances in this system," one Pentagon spokesman told The Times. Asked what those checks and balances were, the official cited the review of the President's decision by Mr Wolfowitz.

Asked if there were any other checks and balances other than that, the official replied: "No, sir."

Wolfy not only names the people to be charged, but appoints their jury, and the panel that will review cases, and will make the final decision. So the person he is checking and balancing is himself. The “trials” will allow hearsay and coerced statements.

The BBC show Mastermind, compared to which Jeopardy takes the little bus to school, denies that it’s dumbing down, but sadly it is. One possible specialist category is The Simpsons. The Times has these suggested questions. If you’re very nice to me, I’ll send the answers some time. If you’re looking for a way to be nice to me, the Times says that Mastermind CD-ROMS are sold by the BBC. [Never mind, more expensive than I expected.]

Friday, July 04, 2003

I blame Roberto Benigni

India finally gets around to asking the US to extradite the former chairman of Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster of 1984.

Berlusconi sort of apologized today (while also saying it was a premeditated provocation by his enemies), one of those sorry if you were offended because you’re a tight-assed German who can’t take a joke apologies. He also says that Italians make lots of Holocaust jokes because they know how to laugh at that kind of tragedy. But it turns out his “joke” was in far worse taste than we realized, thanks to lousy translation. He didn’t say Herr Schulz should play a commandant but a kapo, that is Jewish prisoners used to keep other prisoners in line. By the way, the film Berlusconi mentioned is already completed, and will be distributed by one of his companies. It wasn’t just an insult, it was an advertisement. One of his tv stations broadcast an excerpt from Hogan’s Heroes to show just how much Schulz resembled his fictional namesake (actually, not at all--by the way, Schulz’s father was victimized by the Nazis and he is a pacifist), and to keep up the sitcom theme, Britain’s Europe Minister Peter Hain suggested Berlusconi should follow Basil Fawlty’s advice and not mention the war.

A man in Oklahoma has been sentenced to life imprisonment for spitting at a cop.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

My answer is bring them on


You know it’s a bad day when your desk chair tries to kill you in a suicide attack.

Bush on attacks on US troops in Iraq: “My answer is bring them on.” Traditionally, isn’t that phrase only used by people who will do the fighting themselves? Or is this some sort of subliminable reverse psychology thing? He also blames Al Qaida for the attacks, with no evidence whatsoever.

I’ve lost track. Have we reached the point where more US soldiers have been killed after the war in Iraq was declared over than during the war?

A German is fined after admitting to crashing his car into a road sign while having sex with a hitchhiker at 60 mph. The fine is for leaving the scene, and to replace the sign. It turns out that having sex while driving isn’t actually illegal in Germany. Plan your vacations accordingly.

Robert Mugabe calls Colin Powell an Uncle Tom. And your point is? Last week Powell promised massive aid to Zimbabwe if Mugabe was overthrown. How that’s different from putting a price on his head, I’m not exactly sure.

Darrell Issa, the guy funding the Davis recall, continues to implode as two old gun charges against him come out. Also, when a judge awarded him control of a company that had defaulted on a debt to him, he arrived, the story goes, with a gun that he showed the company’s director as he fired him. He sort of denies this, saying, “I don't think I ever pulled a gun on anyone in my life.” Right. Once again, Davis has found the one Republican he can beat.

I’ve talked about the secretive Carlyle Group and its Republican connections. Its managing director, who evidently didn’t realize he was being recorded, made some hilarious remarks about a drone he was asked to put on the board and fired 3 years later, one George Walker Bush. Read this, it’s hilarious.

One reason Berlusconi got his immunity law was so that his presidency of the EU wouldn’t be blighted. Unless of course he opened his big mouth and suggested, not one full day into that presidency, that a German MEP would be perfect to play a Nazi concentration camp commander in a film. The MEP’s name is Schulz, yet. Berlusconi has refused to apologize. It should be noted that members of his governing coalition want ships carrying immigrants to have cannons fired at them. Some people have noted that the minimum standards of democracy that new applicants to the EU like Poland have to meet are no longer met by Italy.

Israel has pulled out of Bethlehem, which is still surrounded on all sides. Remember how I said Israel would make no such move without doing something nasty at the same time that wouldn’t get nearly as much publicity? In this case, they confiscated a bunch of land and plan demolition of Palestinian houses there, both acts not allowed under the “road map.”

Go to Google. Type into the search window “weapons of mass destruction,” but without using quote marks. Click on “I’m feeling lucky.” Do it now.

Monday, June 30, 2003

Imposing our will

So that’s where those pesky WMDs are.

Someone explain to me the meaning of the lines coming off Gray Davis’s hands in this pro-recall website. The site makes this astonishing assertion as a reason Davis should be recalled: “When companies go bankrupt, the CEO takes the blame.” In what universe?

Recall funder Darrell Issa is complaining that Davis’s people alerted the media to his numerous brushes with the law (auto thefts, a mysterious fire at his company, etc.).

Speaking of bankrupt, California now is. Community colleges look likely to cancel their summer session, cops in South Central, excuse me, South LA, are being laid off, but somehow I’ll bet the state will still have to pony up the $30 million for the recall election. The London Times notes that Schwarzenegger has been giving scripted jokes with all the finesse of a reversing garbage truck. Rise of the Machines, indeed.

Next week Bush goes to South Africa and becomes the first head of state to do so and not request a meeting with Nelson Mandela.

The US arrests an Iraqi governor, installed by the, um, US. Kidnapping, assault, extortion, being a Sunni but claiming to be a Shiite, that kind of thing.

A new law in Montana provides a free college education to former inmates cleared by DNA testing. Which is something, since most exonerated inmates, no matter how many years of imprisonment they have suffered, don’t even get the services available to normal released prisoners.

The Israeli army has pulled out of Gaza, and returning expelled residents find that the Israelis have been busy little beavers, destroying any number of homes, businesses and citrus trees that competed with the Israeli citrus industry. The Israelis claim that this, like the occupation, was to stop the devastating Hamas rocket attacks, in which 2,000 rockets were launched at Israel, killing literally nones of people.

In a breakthrough that will make pro-lifers’ heads explode, scientists have found a way to grow ovarian tissue from aborted fetuses. The reason you’d want this is for IVF; there’s plenty of donated sperm, but donor eggs aren’t as much fun to make available.

Paul Bremer on the establishment of Athenian democracy in Iraq: “We are going to fight them and impose our will on them and we will capture or... kill them until we have imposed law and order on this country. ..."We dominate the scene and we will continue to impose our will on this country.”

Empire Magazine has named the 10 worst film accents of all time:
1 Sean Connery The Untouchables (1987)
2 Dick Van Dyke Mary Poppins (1964)
3 Brad Pitt Seven Years in Tibet (1997)
4 Charlton Heston Touch of Evil (1958)
5 Heather Graham From Hell (2001)
6 Keanu Reeves Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
7 Julia Roberts Mary Reilly (1996)
8 Laurence Olivier The Jazz Singer (1980)
9 Pete Postlethwaite The Usual Suspects (1995)
10 Meryl Streep Out of Africa (1985)

Sunday, June 29, 2003

If you have to go through this

The Republicans, or Bill Frist at least, come out in favor of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriages. Evidently this thing has been around for a while and is being considered by a House sub-committee without my ever having heard of it. Actually it goes rather beyond that, since I read the draft as possibly banning anything that recognizes the existence of non-marital relationships--health benefits for domestic partners, statutory visitation rights at hospitals, etc etc. This is the draft: "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any state under state or federal law shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups."

A first in Scotland: a mother and daughter jointly convicted for murder, of a man who made offensive remarks at a party (I can’t find out what remarks). The mother’s sister was also a murderer, in a different case, and committed suicide in prison two years ago. Here’s the good bit: the daughter, 16 at the time of the crime, 17 now, said “I am doing no more murders if you have to go through this. I should have learnt from my Auntie Frances, she did eight years for murder.”

There is a worry (in Britain at least) about possible declining numbers of insects, as well as birds. To measure this scientifically, someone has invented the splatometer, which is attached to a bit of a car windshield.

Prince Charles tries to deduct his polo expenses from his taxes.

Hamas starts a cease-fire and Israel starts pulling out of Gaza. The Telegraph has a good phrase for this (which they apply only to the first, but what the hell): “tactical morality.” The Israeli foreign minister says the ceasefire is a “ticking bomb” designed to “maintain the infrastructure of terror.” Israeli officials sure do claim to hear a lot of ticking lately, don’t they? I think it’s a guilty-conscience, Tell-Tale Heart kind of thing.

Click here for a list of the 43 countries that have signed agreements with the US mutually exempting each other’s war criminals from extradition to the International Court. Includes Afghanistan, Cambodia, East Timor, El Salvador, India, Nicaragua...

Roy Hattersley in the Guardian, writing about the pre-war claims about Iraq, applies to Blair an old line about Gladstone that could easily be applied to Bush, that not only is he hiding a card up his sleeve, but behaving as if God put it there.

Another Guardian columnist notes that Britain (and I think the US) complained last week about the house arrest in Burma of Aung San Suu Kyi, while Tariq Aziz and a bunch of other Iraqi leaders are being held incommunicado by the US.

Saturday, June 28, 2003

Yoga for dogs, poo on stilts, deaf waiters on purpose, puttanopoly

It’s not just the British government at war with the BBC, now it’s the Israeli. In future it will refuse all interviews, and use visas to force the frequent rotation of BBC employees in the country, and not allow them through military road blocks, or issue them press cards.

New trend in NY: yoga for dogs.

An Australian group, the Revolutionary Council for the Removal of Bad Art in Public Places, has given a three-month ultimatum for public art such as one in Sydney nicknamed “Poo on Stilts” (sadly, no pictures in any of the news stories, and the only reference to poo on stilts on the internet is as an answer to the “joke” what’s brown and knocks on your window.)

Follow-up: the guardian that Florida insisted on appointing for that severely retarded woman has decided that she will be used as an incubator after all. No word on the identity of her rapist.

A gay, Democratic candidate for NJ state senate once entered a prettiest penis contest. Won, too.

A while back I linked to a site that talked about what the hell Bush was doing on 9/11. If you want to see the actual footage, starting from when Shrub was told of the attack on the 2nd tower, five long minutes of kids reading in unison (I haven’t downloaded the whole thing myself, but for crappier connections, there’s a version which is a snapshot every 5 seconds).

There’s a line in the majority opinion in the affirmative action case I missed the first time: “In order to cultivate a set of leaders with legitimacy in the eyes of the citizenry, it is necessary that the path to leadership be visibly open to talented and qualified individuals of every race and ethnicity.” Setting aside the word choice “visibly” in a case about race, let’s look at the irony, because the last time the Supreme Court was so concerned about leaders having legitimacy in the eyes of the citizenry, it was refusing to allow a proper vote-count in Florida.

The Independent on Sunday interviews the US ambassador who investigated and discredited the report about Iraq looking to buy uranium from Niger, and how it was no secret. American officials still haven’t been questioned about this by Congress or the press or anyone. Some officials in the US & British governments are still claiming that they had other evidence, but by coincidence the only one they have every showed the public was a cheap forgery a 12-year old could have discredited with Google. Well, as one official said, “What I told the public came from very reliable sources. The full picture will only emerge when I write my book.” Oh, wait, that official was the Iraqi information minister Comical Ali.

A fundraising letter sent by Sen. George Allen (whoever that is) as head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee invokes Satan herself: "If Republicans don't take immediate steps to counter her, Senator Hillary Clinton will continue to rise unimpeded to the very pinnacle of power in Washington and we will see the dawning of a new, more liberal Clinton era." Evidently they expect her to take over as party leader after the R’s defeat Tom Daschle next year. Their website, NRSC.org, has a Stop Hillary Now button, and boasts “Hillary e-mail alerts.” I’ve signed up my cat (who just fell off the file cabinet).

I couldn’t make this up: a café on the Left Bank in Paris has only deaf waiters. There are leaflets explaining that yelling at them doesn’t help and giving the sign language for the various menu items. There are lights to request service, or, the leaflet suggests, "You can wave your hand and go ‘hou hou’ in the direction of the server; tap him on the arm to attract his attention; tap your foot and make vibrations; tell your neighbour to pass it on to his neighbour until the message reaches the deaf person; or throw a little object.”

A Sunday NY Times editorial comments on the problems of using Iraqis to run Iraq. I just want to say that if the US tries to administer Iraq without Iraqis I will accuse them of racism and colonialism; if they put exiles in charge I will accuse them of setting up a puppet government; and if they use Baathists, or worse, Iraqi military officers as they are now, I will fault them as well. No, they can’t win with me. Indeed they cannot win. They have placed themselves in a no-win situation. I am not being hypocritical because whatever they do, it will be wrong. A good commentary (much more sophisticated than the Times’s) on this is called “No Country Can Democratise Another.” A sentence that I liked gives the theme: “We Fed-exed the Afghanis the Bill of Rights rather than seeing the need for democracy to develop that accommodates the local history and culture.”


The US will finally return those Syrian border guards it shot and then held hostage, or whatever the hell they were doing. And I mentioned 5 Malawians spirited out of the country: there have bene major protest riots. We just pissed off another country, and nobody here even noticed.

A piece in the NY Times magazine on Guantanamo says that the concentration camp boasts just one video, the Tom Hanks movie Castaway. Another tidbit: the sign at the entrance says "Honor Bound to Defend Freedom". Better than Arbeit Macht Frei, I guess. The author finds the use of the word freedom ironic, but I find the implication that freedom is to be defended not for its intrinsic value but because of one’s personal “honor” to be even more so.

Friday, June 27, 2003

A great chicken, a friendly chicken, a chicken that is ready for a relationship

The Blair government is now in a war with the BBC, which despite being state-owned, has shown more backbone than America’s private media (have I mentioned that Meet the Press solicited and received highly slanted “facts” from the Treasury Dept that it used when interrogating Howard Dean?) in going after government lying about Iraq’s military capabilities. It’s been firing off letters to the Beeb, and issuing them publicly, demanding retractions and the name of its source, and, astonishingly, giving them a deadline--of midnight, yet--to respond. The Beeb told them to fuck themselves. Oh, and at a press conference with Putin, Blair answered questions from everyone except the BBC.

Ha’aretz headline: “Israel Wants US Guarantee that Palestinian Authority Will Dismantle Terror Groups.” Well, gee, how about if they say that they’ll dismantle any unauthorized terror groups, and then let them go ahead, just as long as they don’t “celebrate.”

The Bush admin has called for the overthrow of two African governments this week (Liberia, Zimbabwe).

The US birthrate is at its lowest ever.

And this won’t help: the Supreme Court legalizes sodomy in Texas. Plan your vacations accordingly. Best headline reporting this: “Court to Texas: Butt Out.”

Other states which had anti-sodomy laws: Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Utah and Virginia.

Scalia says this is the start of the slippery slope to gay marriage (but only if you use the proper lubricant). And he makes this remarkable statement: “Today's opinion is the product of a Court, which is the product of a law-profession culture, that has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda, by which I mean the agenda promoted by some homosexual activists directed at eliminating the moral opprobrium that has traditionally attached to homosexual conduct.” So-called? He also talks about “the law professions’s anti-anti-homosexual culture.” He hilariously argues that a majority can outlaw homosexuality, that’s democracy not discrimination (not that he shares those sentiments, no don’t get him wrong). And hell, we have a history of it; he cites 4 executions for sodomy in colonial times as justification for Texas’s law.

The majority said that Texas’s law violated the “liberty of the person both in its spatial and more transcendent dimensions.” That’s a mighty fancy way of describing one man putting his penis in another man’s.... Kennedy wrote that “there is a realm of personal liberty which the government may not enter.” I think you can write your own joke in response to that one without any help from me. He said that the men had engaged in “sexual practices common to a homosexual lifestyle.” “Not common enough,” you can hear some men saying. (Lifestyle? Scalia talked about culture wars, Kennedy about lifestyle; they both meant fucking). Actually, reading the decision,
I find that the majority were very specifically trying to legalize not homosexual sex, but homosexuality, the right to form personal relationships of one’s choosing: “When sexuality finds overt expression in intimate conduct with another person, the conduct can be but one element in a personal bond that is more enduring.” This is welcome, but puzzling, since they didn’t strike down the Texas law on the equal-protection grounds that it discriminated against gay sodomy(except for O’Connor), as did 3 other states; the rest banned it for heterosexuals as well, and those laws were struck down too. Rather, it ruled on the basis of the “right to liberty under the Due Process Clause,” whatever that means. In other words, 5 Supes made one ruling, but Kennedy wrote his argument as if they’d made a different one. O’Connor is clearly embarrassed at having voted the wrong way in 1986 and actively lies about that ruling, which this one overturned, saying that it was never about legislating moral disapproval--which it patently was. At any rate, the Court came to a better, wider ruling than I expected, including saying that you can’t legislate moral disapproval, but their logic sucked.

It is truly dead-old-farts week. Dennis Thatcher (Maggie’s husband), Lester Maddox and Strom Thurmond. Probably the sodomy thing that killed them.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Holistic

The Supreme Court has done a nice job of fuzzying up the question of affirmative action. The collective result of the two decisions is a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. A point system is out, but race (or “diversity” as the Court insists, to portray affirmative action as benefitting all of society, which it does, but heaven forfend that just assisting historically discriminated-against minorities should be considered worthwhile all by itself, no, we have to insist that everyone gains, even while we’re making decisions about distributing a scarce resource, which is a process which will always benefit some people at the expense of others) may be considered in an “individualized, holistic review.” I’m from California, so I know that anything with the word “holistic” in it somewhere is going to be bullshit, like a “nutritionist” who swings a pendulum over you to discover whether you can eat peaches. A point system may be mechanical, but at least there’s transparency. Now, Michigan gave points not only for race (too many points, in my opinion) but also for children of alumni. In the old days, such applicants were given an individualized, holistic review, or, as they would have called it, the old boys’ network. Yeah, by all means let’s go back to that, only everyone who gets admitted gets it by a wink and a nod and an unaccountable back-room process.

The Supreme Court votes 6-3 to uphold requiring libraries to use internet filters.

New Zealand legalizes prostitution. Plan your vacations accordingly.

The CIA spirits five legal residents of Malawi out of the country, possibly with the connivance of the government, but in defiance of a high court ruling that they be either charged or released.

Showing our keen understanding of Islamic culture, we planned to give the Iraqi army a new name whose acronym meant fuck in Arabic (although even the Brits have their problems; the killing of 6 soldiers yesterday was a response to searches of women’s underwear drawers). Incidentally, the US has changed its policy and will now pay Iraqi soldiers their salaries. And employ them. To clean up minefields.

Speaking of which, the US is trying to weaken a proposed UN convention that would impose a legal requirement to clean up cluster bombs at the end of a war.

In Germany, a woman stabs her husband to death in a fight over what color to paint their apartment walls. The news story does not specify which colors each one wanted, so it’s hard to judge whether her reaction was appropriate.

The top 400 taxpayers in the US in 1992 had gross incomes totaling $19 billion. In 2000, $70 billion. Their income tax fell from 26.4% to 22.3%. Their share of total US income doubled from 0.52% to 1.09%.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Willfully tampering with their bodies to avoid military duty

Another poll in which 1/4 say that Iraq used chemical weapons against US troops. What you never see in these things is how that correlates with people who approve of Bush’s job performance. How ignorant do you have to be before Bush looks good?

The same poll says the American people would back Bush if he went to war with Iran, claiming it was to stop them acquiring nukeyular weapons. Happy Orwell centenary!

The DOD has been lobbying towns to turn July 4 into a pro-Iraq War event. They are calling it Operation Tribute to Freedom. I can remember when July 4 was called Independence Day and it was about some colonies leaving an empire, not about those colonies, all growed up, destroying the independence of another country.

Good “This Modern World” cartoon.

South Koreans can get out of the military draft if they have large tattoos, which would be offensive to the other soldiers in a Confucian society. 170 have been arrested for "willfully tampering with their bodies to avoid military duty".

After the speech by Bush claiming that the EU’s rejection of GM foods was starving poor Africans, the EU points out that it provides seven times as much aid to Africa as the US does.

So there’s one of those websites that denies there was a Holocaust and makes gas chamber and anti-Semitic jokes, with the twist that this one is in Israel. In Russian. In other words, some Russians got to settle in Israel by pretending to be Jews, and when they took off their yamukas, turned out to be skinheads.

Nanotechnology applied to a problem worthy of the most advanced technology on the planet: smelly socks.

The Nuremberg “Peace in our time” medal for conspicuous diplomatic cowardice this week goes to...everyone! For the British giving Putin a royal reception unseen since 1874 without mentioning Chechnya; for Bush for greeting Pakistani dictator Musharaf with an aid package of £1.8 billion without mentioning civil rights, democracy, or the new Taliban-knockoff government in the North West Frontier Province (remember when Bush was so proud about “freeing” the women of Afghanistan?); France for doing some sort of deal with Iran that involves arresting Iranian dissident exiles in Paris; India for recognizing China’s suzerainty over Tibet.

Monday, June 23, 2003

A gay canon

Ha’aretz reports that Ariel Sharon told his cabinet that Israel will continue building settlements but “should not celebrate the construction, should just build.” Settlers are putting up more of those “outposts” faster than they’re being taken down.

WashPost headline: “Bishops Urged to Reach Out to Victims.” Isn’t that what got them in trouble in the first place?

The Russian government has shut the last independent tv channel (and just 5 months before the next elections, too). Remember glasnost? And the Duma passed a censorship law, which got rather more attention because it’s so stupid, but should probably be ignored because 1) nothing the Duma passes is to be taken seriously, 2) Putin will do whatever he wants, no matter what the Duma has decided, 3) ownership matters more than law, as we know from the media wars in the US.

Which reminds me. Michael Powell’s new standards allow for more monopolistic ownership than we realized, because viewers of UHF stations only count as ½ in deciding how much of the market one company owns.

Bush’s latest statement on Iraqi weapons is not that they will be found but that the “true extent” of Saddam’s weapons program will be discovered. He adds that "all who know the dictator's history agree" that he had previously possessed and used banned weapons. Sure, in the 1980s! At the very time that Shrub himself possessed and used Alcohol of Mass Quantities.

USAID has been attempting to turn NGOs into GOs. NGOs awarded humanitarian contracts for Iraq were ordered not to speak to the media, and the head of USAID has threatened others for not telling Iraqis and Afghans receiving food and medicine that this was the largesse of George W. Bush and that they had better make it clear that they are “an arm of the US government.” The American Enterprise Institute and the Federalist Society have set up a McCarthyite “NGO Watch” in order to monitor any NGO that dares speak against Bush policies or for international treaties.

And something I missed, last month the US trade rep said that in future the US will only do trade agreements with countries that follow our line on foreign policy & security issues.

A good piece in USA Today (!) on how stupid decisions rather than the economy are responsible for the bad fiscal conditions of states (especially Calif.). Although it also suggests that those were precisely the stupid decisions (more spending, no tax increases) that polls say the voters want. I blame the failure to make the case for progressivity in taxation, but that’s just me.

A Slate article asks the question, Does it matter if we know whether Bush is lying or is just stupid.

And I have a new “tell” for when Bush is going to lie about his rationale for something, as demonstrated in something he said today: "For the sake of a continent threatened by famine, I urge the European governments to end their opposition to biotechnology.” (the continent is Africa). The tell is “for the sake of.” Remember all those Iraqwar statements by Bush beginning “For the sake of peace...”?

Two consecutive stories in the breaking news section of the London Times: “Archbishop Bids to Calm Gay Clergy Row”; “MPs Urge Ban on Smacking”. They’re not related, but wouldn’t it be fun if they were? The gay bishop in question is referred to in one headline as a “gay canon,” which I assume is his nickname.

Oh, and here’s one I hadn’t noticed, in the main British news section: “Sex Obsession Must Stop, Says Archbishop.”

The US accidentally invaded Syria yesterday.

Saturday, June 21, 2003

History lesson


Must-have terrorism alert accessories.

Israel has killed another “top” Hamas leader. There used to be a joke about every Israeli being a general. Hamas personnel have all been upgraded to “ticking timebombs”--haven’t they seen a movie lately? Timebombs are all digital now.

Reuters says US troops are playing Ride of the Valkyries during their raids. Of course they are. Bush today accused Iraqis of trying to kill and intimidate American soldiers. Aw, are the poor babies feeling intimidated?

A zoo in China has ended one of its attractions, where it rented out rifles to visitors to shoot some of the animals. Those PETA spoil sports!

A month ago, I passed on a story about a Croatian man who was the only survivor, besides the driver, of a bus that plunged into a river, who in his life survived a train plunging into a river, and being sucked out of a plane that then crashed while he landed on a haystack. Evidently there’s more: he jumped out of a car going into a ravine, and two other cars he was in exploded (Yugos, I’m guessing). He just won $1 million in the Croatian national lottery.

I keep hearing Americans say that Iran has oil so it doesn’t need nuclear plants. At the same time, oil is being pumped out of neighboring Iraq, but there is still no electricity as temperatures reach 115 (Paul Bremer says there is now 20 hours of electricity a day in Baghdad. He lies.). The Americans have been unable to get anything working because they’re unwilling to employ actual Iraqis. Bremer and the like would score a lot more points locally if they’d sweat a little when they went on tv; Iraqis are really beginning to get pissed at the air-conditioner gap.

With all the discussion--finally--about the changing rationales for the conquest of Iraq (the War of the Bushes, I’ve started to call it, which is a play on War of the Roses, in case you didn’t catch it), I’ve been meaning to talk about other wars. And since today’s top story, judging by the front pages of the NYT & the Chronicle, is the Harry Potter book, I think I will.

For example, Grenada. This was an invasion that Reagan had been wanting to do for a couple of years. Grenada was the first English-speaking socialist country, and Reagan had Cold War blinkers on. But there were no buyers. He went on tv once or twice and displayed ominous spy satellite photos of the runway they were building, which could land a MIG, Reagan said, or tourist planes larger than four-seaters, the Grenadans said. A coup gave Reagan his opportunity, but it was only some time in that the war was given its rationale, the “rescue” of those poor American med students. I was proud of myself for having caught on to it about twelve hours before it became obvious that the rationale had been switched.

Panama had something to do with wives of American soldiers being molested, I believe.

The first War of the Bushes, Iraq ‘91, took weeks and weeks before it became about WMDs. Rescuing poor Kuwait wasn’t very appealing to Americans, especially as all the rich Kuwaitis urging the war were waiting it out in the south of France, and Kuwait wasn’t exactly an Athenian democracy. The war to make the world safe for feudalism, I called it. So that didn’t work. James Baker said the war would be for “jobs, jobs, jobs,” which didn’t look good at all. Some fake atrocity stories were spread around, but most of them, including the babies-ripped-from-incubators story, were already debunked before the carpet bombing began. Finally, after many focus groups, they started claiming that Iraq was developing nukes. I don’t remember exactly how Bush the Elder climbed down from that one when he failed to go after those weapons.

In those wars, it was at least one rationale at a time, serially as each one failed to catch on. Now they just throw a dozen out at once, half of them made up out of nothing, some aimed at different demographics (remember how we invaded Afghanistan to save the women from Taliban oppression?), and see what sticks.

I could go on along these lines about World War I and the Spanish American War, but I won’t. Maybe we should all tattoo this sort of thing somewhere on our persons like the guy in “Memento,” so we’ll actually remember it for the next war.

Lifting and spreading

On Meet the Press Sunday, Wesley Clark says that the Bush administration, starting on 9/11/01, tried to implicate Saddam, and that he personally was called up that day by some Bushie and asked to claim that connection on CNN. He asked for proof, there was none.

The conservative government in Spain has decided to make religion compulsory in schools. In public schools, religion is taught by Catholic priests or teachers appointed by the Church.

A pretty good piece in the Post on the intensive lobbying by Israel and the Jewish lobby in the US after Bush dared to issue a rather mild (toothless was the word I seem to remember Haaretz using) criticism of Israel’s latest assassination attempts, and how Bush was, essentially, tamed. What the article fails to mention is that Bush’s “road map” is predicated on the US being the sole judge of whether both sides are following the map, and Bush has just shown for the umpteenth time that the US isn’t up to the task of being even-handed.

The Catholic Church sure did get Frank Keating off that commission on church child abuse darned fast after he compared the church’s coverup tactics to those of the Mafia, didn’t they? Imagine if they’d moved even a thousandth as quickly in dealing with the priests, huh? Good priorities.

An op-ed piece in the Post on censorship in the Chinese media--which seems to be growing--is good as far as it goes, but let’s not get too superior, since the US army demanded the tape shot by a BBC tv crew at Guantanamo after prisoners shouted to them. This was done in the interests of not exploiting the prisoners, of course. And that little act of censorship didn’t make it into the American press at all. Like the Wesley Clark story. Who needs censorship?

I’m in a crabby mood, so it’s time to play Mystery Science Theater 3000 with a Bush fund-raising speech the RNC emailed to my cat. With comments:
Excerpts from President Bush's Remarks to
Supporters at the Bush-Cheney '04 Reception
June 17, 2003

"I want to thank you for your help tonight. I want to thank you for what you're going to do, as well. I want to thank you for helping to invigorate the grass-roots all across this country. I want to thank you for the phone calls you'll make, for the signs you'll put up in the yard, and for helping spread the positive message of this administration."
They just paid I believe $3,000 to be there (and were fed hot dogs and hamburgers), let’s not pretend they’re “just folks.” The people who attend a Bush fund-raiser do not put signs in their yard, they have Consuela put signs in their yard.
"The political season will come in its own time. Right now, this administration is focused on the people's business.”
Well not right now. Right now, this administration is focused on raising several million smackeroos so it can start running ads about Howard Dean’s kid being arrested.
"I came to this office to solve problems, not to pass them on to other Presidents and other generations.”
Except for that big honking deficit.
"In these challenging times, the world has seen America's resolve and courage. And I have been privileged to see the compassion and the character of the American people. All the tests of the last two-and-a-half years have come to the right nation.”
Actually I paid someone else to take those tests, just like I did at Yale.
“We're a strong country and we will use that strength to defend the peace."
Am I alone in thinking that Bush doesn’t know what the word “peace” means?
"We're an optimistic country. We're confident in ourselves and we're confident in ideals bigger than ourselves. We seek to lift whole nations by spreading freedom. And at home, we seek to lift up lives by spreading opportunity to every corner, to every person of this great country."
I was trying to think of a joke for this. What else involves lifting and spreading, I asked. Anal sodomy, I answered, and then was too grossed out to go on. I may have lived in the Bay Area too long.
"This is the work that history has set before us. We welcome it, and we know that for our country better days lie ahead."

Any day after you leave office, for example.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Have a dream

The Dept of Homeland Security’s inspector general says that it was perfectly appropriate under the agency’s guidelines to look for the Texas legislators. Actually, what that turns out to mean is that its employees were misled into thinking a plane had crashed, and didn’t bother checking the facts. Here’s a quote from one of those employees: “these people up in Oklahoma, they said that these people were like government officials, and they're trying to find them.” So the excuse is that Homeland Security’s workers are easily misled and don’t ask questions. I feel more secure already.

Here’s what the CIA said about those Iraqi mobile labs: "Coalition experts on fermentation and systems engineering examined the trailer found in late April and have been unable to identify any legitimate industrial use ... that would justify the effort and expense of a mobile production capability." And if you believe that, you should be quite worried about the fact that identical labs are for sale in the US.

It’s kind of nice knowing that I don’t have to ever hear Bill Clinton’s voice again, because I can’t afford it. He made 60 speeches last year at a dead minimum of $100,000 each, up to $250,000 abroad. “On November 19 in Mito City, on the outskirts of Tokyo, he spoke to 1,700 school pupils, attended a dinner and a political discussion the following morning, and flew away with $400,000. ‘He told our youth to have a dream,’ said Takashi Kawatsu, who runs the civic group that paid the former President.” Here’s my dream: being paid $150,000 just to tell kids to have a dream.

Canada’s government won’t appeal the court ruling upholding gay marriages. A couple of dozen have tied the knot already.

Yesterday Silvio Berlusconi actually showed up at his own trial, in order to denounce the trial and say that "It is true that the law is equal for all, but for me it is more equal because the majority of Italians voted for me." To add injury to that insult, his appearance was actually meant to filibuster the trial long enough for his tame parliament to rush through a law today immunizing stopping this and any other trial. You know the line about if you owe the bank a thousand dollars they own you, but if you owe the bank a billion dollars, you own the bank? Well, in the 1980s Berlusconi merely bribed judges (that’s what the trial is for); now, he can simply abolish the judiciary. Oh, and the parliament voted by secret ballot.

The Romanian gov retracts its assertion of last week that there was no Holocaust in Romania (after trying to get everyone to believe they meant only that there were no death camps on Romanian soil).

US soldiers in Iraq shoot at yet another crowd of unarmed protesters, killing two. A military spokesman said, “The Iraqis have got a lot to learn about how to demonstrate peacefully but we hope they will return in the future to exercise their right to freedom of expression.” Adding, “‘cuz we need the target practice.” Kidding, I kid--don’t shoot me. So they have “a lot to learn,” huh? And being fatally shot was, like, an F?

In that UN speech, Colin Powell claimed there were secret bioweapons labs beneath Saddam Hussein Hospital in Baghdad. There aren’t.

I seem to have mislaid a country, because I have no recollections of having noticed the Finnish government falling in March over accusations that it was secretly aiding Bush in the Iraq war. Anyway, the person who unseated that government to become the first woman PM of Finland, one Anneli Jaatteenmaki (does any name need that many double letters?), just resigned because she lied about whether or not she had solicited leaks of classified foreign ministry documents that she used in the debates.

Tony Blair is abolishing the post of Lord Chancellor, after 1,400 years. When criticized at Question Time by Iain Duncan Smith, he responded “He wants to fight to the death to keep the minister in charge of our courts system in a full-bottomed wig, 18th century breeches, women's tights, sitting on a woolsack rather than running the courts service.” Well as Clinton would say, have a dream.

So whatever happened to the 8-year old on life support in the Middle East? And what happened to the conscientious objector nephew of Netanyahu? His court martial was last month. The lack of follow-up is irritating.

Rumsfeld proves that Iraqi WMDs exist by applying logic: we can’t find Saddam Hussein either, but that doesn’t mean he never existed. Yeah, and you can’t find your own ass with both hands, but you have Colin Powell kiss it every morning just to make sure it’s there.

Paul Bremer announced plans to try Iraqi guerillas who attack occupation troops as criminals, which is a violation of international law, which recognizes the right to resist an occupation. Bremer also has ambitious plans to restructure the Iraqi economy, reversing the nationalization of the oil industry and selling off state industries. First, who is he to sell anything that belongs to the Iraqi people? At best, he can administer national assets, but actually sell them? Second, this would all be done before the Iraqis have any say in their own governance. In other words, Bremer is pre-empting decisions the Iraqis have a right to decide for themselves, if “freedom” and “democracy” are to mean anything.

The Supreme Court, in a decision that to me reads more ambiguous than anything else, rules that mentally-ill defendants can’t be forcibly medicated so they can be tried. They also ruled 8-1 that Antonin “Fat Tony” Scalia should “take a chill pill already.”