No transcript available, so this’ll be a bit jumbled.
Romney came out firmly against lunar colonies.
Bachmann talked about “Newt Romney,” which is either a reference to their both having supported a health insurance mandate in the past, or to some slash fic she’s been posting anonymously on the internet.
Tweaked again by Perry about removing from the paperback edition of his book a reference to extending Romneycare nationwide, Twitt responded, “I’ll tell you what: 10,000 bucks? Ten-thousand-dollar bet?” At which point, they might as well have turned off the cameras and gone home, since that’s all anyone will remember. What’s interesting about the rich guy mistakes – this, demolishing the mansion in San Diego to build an even bigger mansion, etc – is that he keeps making them over and over.
MA, MA, WHERE’S MY PA? I don’t know what it says about the state of politics that it won’t have occurred to most viewers that there’s something out of the ordinary about a candidate talking about another candidate’s sex life. I don’t think Blaine went after Cleveland’s alleged illegitimate child personally. Rick Perry, though: “If you cheat on your wife, you’ll cheat on your business partner, so I think that issue of fidelity is important.”
GONE TO THE WHITE HOUSE, HA HA HA: Gingrich responded, “I’ve said in my case, I’ve made mistakes at times -- I’m also a 68-year-old grandfather and I think people have to measure what I do now.” I think he’s saying that he can’t get it up anymore, so the White House interns are probably safe. I wonder how Callista feels about the affair that turned into her marriage being referred to as a “mistake.” And about those grandchildren – their grandmother was the woman with cancer you divorced. Gingrich says “I’ve had to go to God for forgiveness.” So that’s okay then.
In the talk about Israel, Gingrich and Romney both tried to position themselves as close as possible to their good friend “Bibi,” promising to subordinate their Middle East policies not just to Israel but to Likud. Romney literally said that before he’d make a statement like Gingrich’s about the Palestinians being an invented people, he’d call Bibi and ask permission. No one had a sympathetic word for the Palestinians and several strongly implied that they were all terrorists. Gingrich doubled down on the “invented people” thing – “I spoke as a historian” (and he usually gets $1.6 million for that) – why, he says, the term “Palestinian” was never even heard before 1977. Also, speaking the “truth” about Palestinians’ non-existence makes him exactly like Reagan calling the Soviet Union an evil empire. He complained that “we [are] in a situation where every day rockets are fired into Israel” – every day? I think not – “while the United States -- the current administration, tries to pressure the Israelis into a peace process.” You know when you need a peace process? When rockets are fired into your country “every day.” Mittens said Gingrich threw “incendiary words into a place which is a boiling pot.” If it’s already boiling, then... oh, never mind.
Romney accused Gingrich of being a, gasp, career politician, and G. shot back, “The only reason you didn’t become a career politician is that you lost to Teddy Kennedy in 1994.” Romney said, “Losing to Teddy Kennedy was probably the best thing I could have done.” Boy, he’s just lucky that way.
The candidates were asked to prove that they understood what it’s like to be poor even though none of them are poor. Perry said he didn’t have running water growing up; Gingrich said he once lived in an apartment over a gas station. Romney admits he’s never been poor, but his father was, so that’s close enough. Michele Bachmann says she still clips coupons, which brings up the frightening prospect of Michele Bachmann with a pair of scissors.
Bachmann praises Herman Cain for teaching her to “reduce things to a very simple level so people can understand it” and now “you can’t have a debate without saying 9-9-9,” but rather than “9-9-9,” her motto will be “win, win, win.”
(Update: Gingrich on Palestine: “These people are terrorists. They teach terrorism in their schools. They have textbooks that say, ‘If there are 13 Jews and nine Jews are killed, how many Jews are left?’” ABC did not give a reaction shot of Rick Perry, but I’ll bet he was working it out on his fingers.)
Secretary of War Henry Stimson, in his annual report, says that the army is totally unprepared for war, under-equipped and scattered across the country (originally to defend against Indian attack). He wants to reduce the term of enlistment from 3 years to 2 years, so the number of reserves will be higher.
He also urges that Puerto Ricans be given citizenship (the colony was under the War Office).
5,000 Turkish troops have entered Persia (shouldn’t they be fighting the Italians in Libya?) and won’t leave until the Russian troops are withdrawn.
Fad of the Day -100: “Radium Cure a Fad of Paris Society.” Just sit in a room whose air is infused with radium for a couple of hours while you play bridge or whatnot, and your rheumatism and heart ailments will be cured.
Some doctor in Paris has determined that if a fetus’s heartbeat is more than 150 beats per minute, it is a girl. Another French professor insists that this means that one can control the sex of one’s offspring. The father could take adrenalin to have a daughter. Yeah, I don’t know how he thinks that would work either.
Property-owners in yet another section of Harlem have joined together to pledge not to rent or sell to black people. It is expected that these organizations will spread and that Harlem will soon be entirely white. The NYT says the black population of NYC is 97,000. According to the 1910 census, the city’s total population was 4.7 million.
New York state Supreme Court Justice Leonard Giegerich approves a child custody agreement in which the ex-wife is allowed custody of the couple’s 3-year-old daughter so long as she doesn’t employ a negro maid.
Some time back, France ordered all religious orders dissolved. Most are now gone and their properties seized by the government, but the Little Sisters of the Poor, who escaped notice because they are little, I guess, are barricading themselves in their convents, because the Little Sisters of the Poor are also totally bad-ass, I guess. Catholic mobs are attacking the homes of people who buy the property formerly held by the orders (and in Lyons they attacked a Jewish synagogue, because why not?).
Headline of the Day -100: “Pennington Beats Deaf Mutes.”
Newt Gingrich says Palestinians are “an invented people,” adding, “Oh, wait, or is that Hobbits? I always get those two confused.”
Evidently Palestine can’t be a state because “It was part of the Ottoman Empire.” So was Israel. So was Libya. So was Greece. What’s your point? And just why did West Georgia College deny you tenure, anyway?
The Japanese emperor’s train was delayed an hour because a carriage derailed due to of a misplaced switch. The train superintendent, naturally, atoned for his shame in keeping the emperor waiting by committing suicide (throwing himself under a train, naturally).
Some time ago, Thomas Edison announced plans to build concrete houses which would cost just $1,000. Now, he adds that he will also sell concrete furniture, costing $200 to furnish the $1,000 house and, says Edison, “more artistic and more durable than is now to be found in the most palatial residence in Paris or along the Rhine.”
In other technology news, the California National Guard is experimenting with using wireless telephones, automobiles and airplanes for scouting.
Asked whether he’s guilty of appeasement in the Middle East: “Ask Osama bin Laden and the 22-out-of-30 top al Qaeda leaders who’ve been taken off the field whether I engage in appeasement. Or whoever is left out there, ask them about that.” And the transformation into George W. Bush is now complete.
He fully supports, “as the father of two daughters,” Kathleen Sibelius’s refusal to let women under 17 get Plan B without a prescription, which he considers to be simply the application of “some common sense.” No good ever came attached to the words “common sense” coming from the mouth of any politician. He said little girls shouldn’t be able, “alongside bubble gum or batteries -- be able to buy a medication that potentially, if not used properly, could end up having an adverse effect. And I think most parents would probably feel the same way. ... And her judgment was that there was not enough evidence that this potentially could be used improperly in a way that had adverse health effects on those young people.”
We’re talking about a pill (evidently a single pill rather than two, as I said yesterday, at least in the version of the medication affected by this decision), so used improperly how? Does he think they’ll stick it up their nostrils?
Sophisticated NYT analysis of the situation in China: “The hot-headed student class is powerful in China, and is enforcing extreme demands because of the racial timidity of the elders”.
Health and Human Services Sec. Kathleen Sibelius overrules the FDA and refuses to allow Plan B (the morning after pill) to be made available without a prescription to women under 17 years old. She bases this entirely on the stupidity of adolescent girls: “However, the switch from prescription to over the counter for this product requires that we have enough evidence to show that those who use this medicine can understand the label and use the product appropriately.”
So what does the label say that is so hard to comprehend? When the Bush FDA likewise refused to allow the drug to be sold over the counter to minors in 2004, it made the same claim, and since the media didn’t bother telling us what the drug’s instructions were (I bet they won’t today either), I went to my local pharmacy and asked them to print them out. Those instructions: take one pill. 12 hours later, take another pill. That’s it.
In private, by the way, the FDA’s deputy operations commissioner in 2004 privately “stated that we could not anticipate, or prevent extreme promiscuous behaviors such as the medication taking on an ‘urban legend’ status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B.” Sibelius probably isn’t saying as nutty as that behind closed doors but the upshot is that she’s still giving us the exact same policy.
In China, Prince Chun, father of the child-emperor, resigns as regent. This is announced in an edict which says “He wept and prayed to resign the Regency, at the same time expressing his earnest intention to abstain from politics.” Basically, they sacrificed him in the hopes of saving the emperor, which (spoiler alert) is too little, way too late.
A large meeting at Carnegie Hall demands the abrogation of the 1832 treaty with Russia unless it honors the passports of American Jews. There has been a groundswell of demand for this lately, and the speakers at this meeting include Speaker of the House Champ Clark, William Randolph Hearst, Gov. Woodrow Wilson and assorted members of Congress.
Romney proselytized in France (neatly avoiding Vietnam); Gingrich researched his dissertation in Belgium (neatly avoiding Vietnam). How many of the Republican candidates are hiding the shameful secret that they... speak French?
NYT Index Typo of the Day: “ENGAGED WOMEN MOB TRIANGLE WAIST MEN.” Enraged, of course.
A mob at the ironically named Valliant, Oklahoma, lynches a black man, hanging him at the fairgrounds.
And in Washington, Georgia, a T. B. Walker evidently murdered a white guy, then escaped from a lynch mob, was captured and sentenced to hanging, escaped, was recaptured, then was shot in the face by the brother of his victim (the brother will not be tried for this attempted murder) as he was standing in court being re-sentenced, and was executed just three hours later (so quickly because they were afraid he’d manage to escape again).
The London Times reports that Thomas William Steward, president of Free Thought Socialist League and of the British Secular League, has been convicted of blasphemy and sentenced to 3 months for saying “God is not a fit companion for a respectable man like me.”
Los Angeles Mayor George Alexander (Good Government Party) is re-elected, soundly defeating Socialist candidate Job Harriman, who can’t have been helped by being one of the lawyers for the McNamara brothers, who confessed to that little dynamiting job just last week. Even Alexander is at least a little socialist, supporting municipalization of telephones and utilities, including bakeries. A prohibition proposition for the city fails, badly. Women, voting for the first time, had a turn-out of over 90% and more women voted than men.
Taft issues his third State of the Union address, or at least the first part of it, dealing with corporation law. He calls again for provision for corporations to be (voluntarily) incorporated at the national rather than state level. That got nowhere after his SOTU two years ago, so he uses... the exact same words. He also insists that the Sherman Anti-Trust Act not be amended to reverse the Supreme Court’s ruling that it applied only to “unreasonable” restraint of trade. He thinks that as the Act becomes “better understood” over time, judges and juries will become more willing to imprison people who violate it than they have been up until now.
The trial of the owners of the Triangle Waist Company for manslaughter begins. Prospective jurors are asked if they would give the defendants a fair trial “if many of the witnesses called by the prosecution should weep while testifying”.
By the way, you’d think someone would have warned Max Blanck that if you’re accused of being a heartless capitalist responsible for the deaths of 147 of your sweated employees, you maybe shouldn’t wear a large diamond in your lapel.
Racial violence in Mannford, Oklahoma has killed five people (2 white, 3 black) so far. It started when a negro who’d held up three people was first shot by a posse, then seized from a deputy and lynched.
The German military is planning to build a dirigible that can carry 300 persons, though it doesn’t explain how that would be militarily useful.
Here’s a detail about the British Grenadier guardsman convicted by court-martial for stabbing a 10-year-old Afghan boy, Ghulam Nabi, in the kidney with a bayonet: He had been drinking heavily the night before his unit went out on patrol. When they did, “[Daniel] Crook followed, arming himself with two grenades and a bayonet because his rifle had been confiscated as a safety measure.” I think I can see a tiny flaw in their safety measures.
Crook was actually convicted in June, but the whole thing was kept under wraps. The Guardian just uncovered it.
18 months, by the way, is the sentence for bayoneting a child.
And $800 is what the British military pays to a family whose child one of its members bayoneted.
Donald Trump is to moderate a Republican presidential debate. This must be some definition of the word “moderate” I’ve just never come across before.
Watched the movie “Fair Game” last night. ’s okay. I can’t find out what Scooter Libby’s been doing with himself, and doing for a living, for the last four or five years. Anyone know?
Headline of the Day -100: “Capture of Nanking Was a Tame Affair.” Everyone’s a critic.
Mary Mallon, aka “Typhoid Mary,” sues the NYC Health Dept for $50,000 for holding her in isolation for three years (until last year), claiming she never had typhoid fever – which is true, she was a carrier – and that she has been unable to follow her trade as a cook since her release.
Persia’s National Council rejects Russia’s ultimatum (despite a telegram from British Foreign Minister Edward Grey advising they give in).
On the eve of their trial, the McNamara brothers confess to dynamiting the LA Times building. Organized labor, which had strongly believed that the McNamara brothers were framed, is devastated.
President Karzai finally intervenes in the case of a 19-year-old rape victim named Gulnaz. She will be released from prison, where she was placed for “adultery,” along with the child of rape she give birth to in prison, as long as she marries her rapist (this deal would also release him from prison, because of course it would). Out of one prison into the larger prison of forced marriage and the still larger prison for women that is Afghanistan.
The US sends warships to Santo Domingo to “protect foreign interests” and insist on the strict observation of the constitution in replacing assassinated President Ramon Caceras. Because the United States has always been all about observing constitutional requirements in the replacement of Latin American presidents.
Italy claims that the Turks and Arabs fighting them in Libya have committed atrocities. Lots and lots of atrocities. Burying prisoners up to the neck to starve to death, crucifixions, etc.
Mummers were out in the street for Thanksgiving, as used to be the custom. Trouble occurred at 112th Street and 3rd in New York when someone spotted a black man and a white woman together. A stone was thrown and the couple ran from a growing mob, finally with the assistance of a cop getting on a trolley car and escaping. Thing is, the inter-racial couple were actually two white male youths, one in black face and the other in a Columbine suit with a white wig.
Not-At-All-Racist Headline of the Day -100: “Invasion of Negroes Cuts Harlem Values.”
The NYT editorializes that hissing is not acceptable in theaters. “The art of acting was never improved by hissing.”
Russia says that if Persia doesn’t give in to its demands within 48 hours, Russian troops will march on Teheran and add the cost of that to the indemnity. Not only must Persia’s American treasurer be fired, but no more foreigners may be hired without the permission of Russia and Britain.
Revolutionaries fail to take Nanking. The US offers the emperor 2,500 troops currently stationed in the Philippines to keep open the Peking Railway and protect foreigners.
Headline of the Day -100: “Women Howl Down Asquith.” Suffragists, of course, prevent the prime minister delivering a speech on settlement work. Another speaker, future prime minister and class traitor Ramsay MacDonald, describes the heckling as an insult to the prime minister and a degradation of English public life.
Thanksgiving Headline of the Day -100: “40-Lb. Turkey for Taft.” Insert your own Taft-is-fat joke here.
Evidently competitive eating is not a recently created sport. One Charles W. Glidden of Lawrence, Massachusetts is betting $25 that he can eat... well, a whole disgusting menu I won’t repeat here. Glidden “broke into fame not long ago by eating 58 ears of corn in 115 minutes.” Piker. The current corn-eating record is 46 ears of corn in 12 minutes, set by Joe LaRue in 2010.
Oxford University rejects a proposal to allow math and science students to skip the Ancient Greek requirement.
Harvard University rejects British suffragette Emmeline Pankhurst, denying her the use of any Harvard building in which to make a speech, on the grounds that Harvard is a man’s college, and women should not be allowed to speak in it.
A national anti-women’s suffrage association has been formed. Its slogan will be “Down With the Yellow Peril, Women’s Votes!” (yellow being the color of the suffrage movement.) It will be led by a Mrs. Arthur Dodge, who says that the heavy voter registration of women in California does not indicate that women really want the vote. Rather, it was discovered that “the lower element among the women” were registering in order to vote Socialist; naturally, men of the better sort responded by “sen[ding] their wives and daughters” to register.
Russia is demanding that Persia fire its treasurer-general, the American W. Morgan Shuster, and pay an indemnity to compensate Russia for the cost of sending its troops to threaten Persia.
Headline of the Day -100: LAT: “BULL FIGHTS AEROPLANE.” Broke both its wings, too.
Gov. Brownback has apologized for his staff going ballistic on Emma Sullivan’s tweet, and her high school decided she won’t have to write a letter of apology after all – after she refused to write one. Does anyone doubt that if she’d caved to all the pressure they put on her, they’d simply have made a show of accepting her apology “gracefully” (by which I mean smugly) rather than be forced to acknowledge her First Amendment rights?
On Pakistan Army Chief of Staff General Kayani: “I have faith in him because I’ve actually talked with someone who went to school with him.”
On the newest accusation of a 13-year affair: “it’s going to be proved that it was probably something else that was baseless.” Probably.
Also, he’s met a lot of people, so “A hundred thousand people could possibly come out. ... it’s probably an infinite number of people who could come forward with a story.” Probably.
“As long as my wife is behind me, and as long as my wife believes that I should stay in this race, I’m staying in this race”. Is it at all creepy that the man accused of all sorts of sexual improprieties always refers to his wife as “my wife” (7 times in the course of this interview) and never by her actual name? Is he afraid he’ll accidentally call her by some other woman’s name?
What is he doing next? “When I go to this fundraiser that I’m permitted to go with supporters, I am going to have a nice steak dinner. When you’ve done nothing wrong, I’m going to continue my routine as normal as planned.” So is having a nice steak dinner proof that he’s done nothing wrong, or is it a euphemism for... something? Answers in comments, please.
Canadian Headline of the Day -100: “A Canadian Capitol in Ruins.” All the government buildings in Prince Rupert burned down. Wikipedia says Prince Rupert was the Halibut Capital of the World until the early 1980s, so this is a pretty big deal.
A Brooklyn judge offers one Antonio Scarrello a suspended sentence on a knife charge if he’ll return to Italy, join the army and go to Libya to fight the dreaded Turk. Scarrello thinks not. The judge sentences him to one year, commenting, “Evidently your blood is not the same as that of the old Romans.”
Rep. Victor Berger (Socialist-Wisc.) says he will introduce a bill for women’s suffrage, although women “probably will make a frightful botch of the ballot at first”.
Germany removes its gunboats from Morocco, officially ending the crisis.
British Foreign Secretary Sir Edward Grey gives a statement to Parliament relating the history of negotiations with Germany about Morocco. He hopes, he says, that the speech will be “a sedative to a world which has been indulging in a fit of political alcoholism”. He claims, as does PM Asquith later, that British has no secret treaties. They are lying. He says “I do not believe that Germany has aggressive designs”. Er, okay then.
In the debate that followed, Irish Nationalist John Dillon points out that in Grey’s hour and a half speech, there was no word of sympathy for the people of Morocco.
Riots in Lisbon, with exchanges of gunfire between troops and rioters, leading to at least two deaths. Is this a royalist counter-revolution or, as the NYT claims, were the riots caused by the expulsion of two Chinese women for selling phony blindness cures?
The NYT reprints Marie Curie’s love letters at surprising length.
Teddy Roosevelt again denies that he’s running for president in 1912, or that he’s supporting Taft, La Follette, or anyone else.
Karl Marx’s daughter Laura commits suicide along with her husband, French socialist (and Karl Marx translator) Paul Lafargue, because they were all old and stuff. Some dude named Lenin will speak at their funeral.
The regent for the Chinese boy-emperor takes an oath to uphold the new revolutionary Constitution, organize a new parliament and exclude nobles from administrative posts. “I and my descendants will adhere to it forever. Your heavenly spirits will see and understand.”
Man Bites Dog -100: A white man will be executed in Georgia for killing a black woman and her daughter. First time a white person has ever been executed for killing a black person.
Oaxaca state secedes from Mexico, or at any rate its Legislature and governor refuse to recognize the Madero government.
There are great plans to celebrate 100 years of peace between Britain and the US in 1915. I predict that 1915 will be all about peace.
Headline of the Day -100: “Against Bathtub Trust.”
Another duel related to Marie Curie. This time, at last, one of the duellists is the dude alleged to be having the affair with her, Prof. Langevin. Pathetically, both parties fired their pistols into the air. (Headline: “Curie Duel a Fizzle.”)
Members of the Illinois Equal Suffrage Association will hold a “suffrage baby show” at the county fair, to show that suffragists can raise pretty babies, or something. There will also be a cooking contest. This must be some definition of feminism with which I am not familiar.
Kaiser Wilhelm II catches a cold driving an open automobile. He likes driving fast. Mrs. Kaiser can’t stop him, but she did stop him going up in a dirigible or down in a submarine, because she never lets him have any fun.
The NYT Sunday magazine section has a lengthy article about Alabama Governor Emmet O’Neal’s views about the current state of the South, under the headline “Lynching Unnecessary, Says Alabama’s Governor.” He says that whites used to be “compelled” to use violence to maintain “law and order” (Define law. Define order.) before the state’s 1901 constitution, whose literacy tests and poll taxes effectively disfranchised most blacks (and a lot of poor whites) in the state, leaving almost no voters at all in the 14 Black Belt counties. O’Neal says that blacks’ failure since then to acquire the education and cash necessary to vote in Alabama shows they really aren’t interested in voting, and indeed their failure to pay the poll tax just proves them “unfit to vote” (or that they know that “literacy tests” administered by racist fucks like yourself will mean it would just be a waste of $1.50.) He bemoans that blacks are leaving agriculture, where they are “more contented and freer from crime” and “most easily controlled.” He says the South went prohibition to keep booze away from blacks, not because blacks are natural alcoholics, but because the quality of the alcohol sold to them was so bad. He says lynching has died out in Alabama because of a provision in the 1901 constitution allowing governors to remove sheriffs who allow lynchings to take place (O’Neal has used this provision once). Mob violence is “no necessity in any Southern state,” he says.
The LAT reports the great news out of our newest colony, the Philippines: “A million naked savages are putting on dresses or pantaloons. Gory head-hunters are washing their hands and going to work.” They’re even wearing shoes and tucking in their shirts now. So conquering them was totally worth it.
In Spring Hill, Kansas, a black man accused of attacking a 14-year-old white girl is saved from lynching by her father, who says that the law should be allowed to take its course.
The Chinese revolutionaries are said to be purchasing 13 airships in the US for their attack on Peking.
Another duel in France over Marie Curie’s alleged sex life, this time between a writer in Gil Blas and an anti-Semitic editor.
Italy, annoyed and bewildered by Turkey’s continued refusal to give in over Libya, plans to blockade the Dardanelles. Russia will not be best pleased.
The editor of French literary journal Gil Blas and the editor of the far-right newspaper L’Action Françaiseduel over whether Madame Curie is fucking a professor.
The Arkansas Supreme Court is hearing an appeal for a death penalty case in which one juror was found to be using Twitter – from the jury box – and another was asleep. Neither were bounced from the state, a practice which the state of Arkansas is defending. The assistant attorney general says the first guy only tweeted a few times, and only about his feelings about the trial, not about its substance (he was caught doing it during the trial, was questioned by the judge, and went right back to doing it from the deliberation room).
The other juror had his eyes closed. Asked by the judge if he’d missed anything, he said, “Not really.” Which was good enough for the judge. And for the assistant attorney general, who points out that it was after all a long trial, and he seems to have heard “the vast majority of the evidence.” “I mean, jurors are human beings.”
Further, the judge told the jury that the state supreme court would automatically review any death sentence, suggesting that they didn’t have to worry their little heads too much about making a mistake. They used to pull that shit pretty regularly in Texas. I thought the Supreme Court had stomped on that practice, but I may recollect incorrectly.
Forgot to mention that the high school students who raised the pardoned turkeys gave them media training, exposing them to loud noises and flash bulbs, so they wouldn’t embarrass the president. In Nixon’s day, they just nailed the turkey’s feet down (true story, I think G. Gordon Liddy must have been in charge).
President Obama pardoned two turkeys today, making his total pardons 6 turkeys and 22 human beings.
The turkeys are named Liberty and Peace, and once again Obama has discontinued the practice of the Bush years, in which the American people voted on the turkeys’ names, as is our constitutional right. It is therefore up to this blog to take up the slack (okay, I’m a little late this year). NAME THOSE BIRDS! Some suggestions to start you off:
Occupy and WallStreet
Pepper and Spray
99 and Percent
Robot and Drone
Super and Committee
The face of Liberty, the ugly, ugly face of Liberty
Tonight’s debate was brought to you by the Heritage Foundation, the American Enterprise Institute, and Satan. Some of the questions came from Ed Meese, Paul Wolfowitz, and David Addington, a reminder that as bumbling, inept, proudly ignorant, and tongue-tied as this bunch of candidates might be, their party has behind them a talent pool of some of the most evil bastards in the world ready to staff their administration.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE?: Ron Paul’s opening statement: “I am convinced that needless and unnecessary wars are a great detriment.”
WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, WILLARD? Romney: “I’m Mitt Romney and yes, Wolf, that’s also my first name.”
AN HONEST UNDERSTANDING: Gingrich wants to extend the Patriot Act forever, and strengthen it, “building an honest understanding that all of us will be in danger for the rest of our lives.”
Ron Paul responds, “you never have to give up liberty for security,” and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike.
WHAT WE HAVE TO REALIZE: Bachmann: “We have to realize we’re in a very different war”. She repeats her line from two debates ago about Obama “hand[ing] over our interrogation of terrorists to the ACLU. He has outsourced it to them. Our CIA has no ability to have any form of interrogation for terrorists.” Because it doesn’t count as interrogation if there’s no waterboarding.
SOMEONE WE’LL LOOK AT: Perry wants to privatize the TSA and eliminate unions. Ditto Santorum, who also wants to profile Muslims, especially young male Muslims. “I think Muslims will be someone we’ll look at.” Cain wants “targeted identification.” “If you take a look at the people who are trying to kill us it would be easy to figure out.” Because they look all terroristy, if you know what I mean. About 30 seconds later he calls Blitzer “Blitz.” So much for targeted identification.
WITH THEIR PARTIES AND THEIR LOUD MUSIC, I’M GUESSING: Huntsman says Pakistan is “the country that ought to keep everybody up at night.” He calls Pakistan “a haven for bad behavior.”
Bachmann, who does not know what the word epicenter means, calls Pakistan “the epicenter of dealing with terrorism.” So which is it, a haven or an epicenter? She says the possibility of Al Qaida getting Pakistani nukes “is more than an existential threat. We have to take this very seriously.” She doesn’t know what the word existential means either. She says Pakistan is “kind of like too nuclear to fail.” Perry says he would cut off all aid and send Pakistan to its room until it proves it can be trusted, and then Bachmann calls him naive, so yeah, that happened.
Perry thinks the answer is to get Afghanistan, India and Pakistan into a free-trade zone, which would get “Pakistan to understand that they have to work with all of the countries in that region.”
HEY, MITT, DON’T LET THE PITH HELMET MESS UP YOUR HAIR: “We need to bring Pakistan into the 21st century, or the 20th century for that matter,” just like “what happened in Indonesia back in the 1960s, where -- where we helped Indonesia move toward modernity with new leadership.” And gave them names of people to be killed as part of the genocidal slaughter of a million people. You know, modernity.
Romney says “This is not time for America to cut and run” from Afghanistan. I’m sure he’ll tell us when it is time for America to cut and run.
Gingrich stopped in the middle of talking about killing bin Laden to ask whether he had 30 seconds or longer to give his answer, because “I’m happy to play by the rules, I just want to know what they are.” Which I thought was amusing because he meant play by the rules as far as answering within a given time-frame, not play by the rules against sending troops into a country secretly to kill people. He says Pakistan was furious with us about that, but we should have been furious at them, because Gingrich likes pretending to be furious about things.
Some Heritage Foundation douche asks if we should help Israel attack Iran.
MOUNTAINOUS: Herman Cain reminds us that “when you talk about attacking Iran, it is a very mountainous region.” But “in some instances, depending upon how strong the plan is, we would join with Israel for that, if it was clear what the mission was and it was clear what the definition of victory was.”
victory >noun (pl. victories) an act of defeating an opponent in a battle or competition. -ORIGIN Latin victoria.
Hope that helps.
Ron Paul says he wouldn’t, because Israel has several hundred nuclear missiles and “they can take care of themselves,” if by take care of themselves you mean turn the Middle East into a radioactive hellscape.
Herman Cain again wants to remind us that Iran is very mountainous. He does not like heights. Hell, he won’t even sexually harass tall women.
It’s like he learns one new fact for each debate, and this one was that Iran is mountainous.
SERIOUS: Perry wants to sanction the Iranian Central Bank and put a no-fly zone over Syria. “And in that moment, they will understand that America is serious.” But then they’d realize it was “President Perry” ordering these things, and understand that America is not serious.
Blitz, as he will no doubt forever henceforth be known, asks if cutting off all Iranian oil wouldn’t wreck the European economy. Gingrich says that his energy program would actually produce an energy surplus in the United States, which would evidently be large enough to “literally replace the Iranian oil.” So the US would suddenly become a huge net exporter of energy with what, dilithium crystals?
The Newtster goes on: “But if we were serious, we could break the Iranian regime, I think, within a year, starting candidly with cutting off the gasoline supply to Iran, and then, frankly, sabotaging the only refinery they have.”
Bachmann says that Obama “met with [Iran] with no preconditions. It’s the doctrine of appeasement.” When did that happen?
Santorum says he supported AIDS assistance to Africa because “Africa was a country on the brink.” Santorum says that “America is that shining city on the hill.” No word from Cain on whether the “country” of Africa is mountainous, but the “city” of America definitely sounds mountainous.
Blitz keeps having to repeat the questions for Cain.
Ron Paul says “the [foreign] aid is all worthless.”
Romney thinks a trillion dollars is being taken out of the defense budget and put into Obamacare. Paul says nonsense, and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike.
Romney says “The right course in America is to stand up to Iran with crippling sanctions” – if I were a psychoanalyst, I’d have hours of fun analyzing Twitt’s notion of “standing up” to someone by “crippling” them. And we should indict Ahmadinejad for violating the Genocide Convention, because why not.
OR MAYBE A NICE CARD: And once he’s president, “my first trip -- my first foreign trip will be to Israel to show the world we care about that country and that region.”
Gingrich says “if we were a serious country,” “we would open up enough oil fields in the next year that the price of oil worldwide would collapse.” Collapse? If we had that as much oil under our feet as he seems to think, well, nobody better light a match. Also, “Lean Six Sigma,” which sounds like the name of one of his crappy novels.
Gingrich says he would bomb Iranian nuclear facilities “only as a last recourse and only as a step toward replacing the regime.” Bombing our way to a friendly regime in Iran, because what could go wrong.
Rick Perry says the supercommittee failed – “it was a super-failure” – because Rick Perry is hilarious. And if Leon Panetta is an honorable man, he will resign to protest the sequestrations. So obviously that will happen, because Little Leon wouldn’t want Rick Perry to think he wasn’t an honorable man.
WHAT HER VOICE(S) SAID: Bachmann: “Let me answer that in the context of the super committee, because I was involved in the middle of that fight as a member of Congress this summer. And my voice said this. I said it’s time for us to draw a line in the sand.”
I KNEW JIMMY MONROE; JIMMY MONROE WAS A FRIEND OF MINE; AND YOU, SIR... Rick Perry: “I think it’s time for a 21st century Monroe Doctrine.” Evidently “We know that Hamas and Hezbollah are working in Mexico, as well as Iran, with their ploy to come into the United States.”
Ron Paul calls for an end to the war on drugs, and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike. He says we should eliminate the entire welfare state, which is just an incentive for illegal immigrants to bring their families.
Gingrich calls for a “humane” immigration policy, with “something like a World War II Selective Service Board that, frankly, reviews the people who are here.” He’d consider letting people who’ve been here 25 years and have grandchildren and are in a local church (he mentioned that twice) stay. “[A]s somebody who believes strongly in family” – why, I’ve had several! – “you’ll have a hard time explaining why that particular subset is being broken up and forced to leave”.
Bachmann, selectively listening to Gingrich, or just not understanding, keeps saying he wants amnesty for 11 million people and a federal DREAM Act. “We need to move away from magnets, not offer more.” Magnets, as we know, scare our Michele, for some reason.
Next up is Romney, who doesn’t like magnets either, because they might get too close to his robotic CPU; he wants to “turn... off the magnets of amnesty”.
Perry is also anti-magnet (they mess his hair up somehow? I got nothin’.)
Romney says “The answer is we’re going to have a system that gives people who come legally a card that identifies them as coming here legally.” Hey, I know, we could make that card yellow, no wait, green, yeah green. “Employers are going to be expected to inspect that card, see if they’re here legally.”
The Blitz helpfully prefaces a question: “Herman Cain, you may not know this, but today Governor Perry called for a no-fly zone, for the U.S. to participate in a no-fly zone over Syria.” He actually did that in this very debate, but yeah, Herman Cain probably doesn’t know this.
You know, I could analyze what Cain and Perry said about Syria, but why?
Oh wait, somewhere in the middle of his answer, Perry started talking about how Syria and Iran are linked, so a no-fly zone over Syria is one of the ways we stop Iran developing nuclear weapons.
Asked about the Arab Spring, Huntsman is talking about the end of the Ottoman Empire.
Paul notes that a no-fly zone would be an act of war. “I would say why don’t we mind our own business?” He is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike.
Romney, perhaps after exposure to a magnet, started gibbering: “President Obama’s foreign policy is one of saying, first of all, America’s just another nation with a flag. I believe America is an exceptional and unique nation. President Obama feels that we’re going to be a nation which has multipolar balancing militaries. I believe that American military superiority is the right course. President Obama says that we have people throughout the world with common interests. I just don’t agree with him. I think there are people in the world that want to oppress other people, that are evil. President Obama seems to think that we’re going to have a global century, an Asian century. I believe we have to have an American century, where America leads the free world and the free world leads the entire world.” He does, however, point out that a no-fly zone in Syria is silly because there’s no bombing.
Someone asks what security issue they’re worried about that nobody has asked them about. Santorum says “militant socialists” in Central and South America “bonding together” with radical Islamists. Paul worries about overreaction and getting into more unnecessary wars, and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike. Perry worries about Communist China which “is destined for the ash heap of history because they are not a country of virtues,” with the forced abortions and cybersecurity. Romney says Hezbollah in Latin America. Cain says cyber attacks. Gingrich says WMD attacks on an American city, electromagnetic pulse attacks, and cyber attacks. Bachmann says Al-Shabaab in Minnesota. Huntsman says the American economy and the trust deficit.
In Britain, suffragette protesters, turned back from Parliament by the police, smash windows. Lots of windows. “A visitor to London to-night, unaware of the previously announced plans of the suffragettes to storm the Houses of Parliament, might have imagined that the Germans had come at last.” 220 women and 3 men are arrested. In the meeting preceding the “deputation” to Parliament, Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence of the Women’s Social and Political Union said, “We who are on this deputation to-night are already outside our body. We know that our hands, our feet, and all that we have are being used by the great Spirit to carry out the great purpose of His will. It is that which destroys any possibility of anxiety or fear or consciousness of pain. We know that here we offer and present ourselves, our souls and bodies, to be a living sacrifice for all those great sins of the world whose taproot is in sex domination.”
An Italian “airship fleet” (5 planes) bombs and supposedly destroys a Turkish camp in Libya (according to observers in, what else, a balloon).
Headline of the Day -100: “Loses Foot to See Taft.” 15-year-old Edward McMahon, hopping a train with a friend to go to the White House to talk with Taft – about what, we do not know – falls under a train. His left foot is crushed, but not his plucky, indomitable spirit, I’m guessing.
I’ll do a write-up of Saturday’s I’m Not Holier Than Thou, I’m Holier Than You debate if, and only if, a transcript ever appears. If anybody sees one, please leave a link in comments.
Santo Domingo’s president, Ramon Caceras, is assassinated. His coach was attacked, possibly by relatives of the former president, killed by Caceras in 1899.
British suffragette leader Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence of the Women’s Social and Political Union explains that they scheduled their demonstration today (see tomorrow’s post for coverage) for night time “for the express reason that decent, honest workingmen will be in the streets. We have found that their presence affords women moral protection against violence by the police and hooligans.”
Russia is demanding that Persia fire its treasurer-general, the American William Morgan-Shuster, or else.
US Secret Service agents arrest Mexican Gen. Bernardo Reyes for plotting on US soil against Pres. Madero and planning to launch a military expedition against Mexico from the US. This may not stop a new revolution.
Headline and Hat of the Day -100: “Taft Orders Campaign Hat.” It will be a derby with a a crown 6 inches deep and a brim 2 3/8 inches wide, size 7 5/8. “It is no ordinary affair, and, according to local politicians, could not be meant for other than campaign purposes.”
British Prime Minister Herbert Asquith receives a deputation of suffragists from several suffrage groups which are divided in tactics but uniformly believe that his maneuver of pushing a Liberal-favoring universal manhood suffrage bill to which Parliament might (or might not) accept a women’s suffrage amendment (he tells them that the government will be neutral on the subject and that it is up to them to persuade Parliament) is intended to scupper the chances of a non-party settlement of the women’s suffrage issue (a London Times editorial agrees). Christabel Pankhurst tells Asquith that he “can go.”
Headline of the Day -100: “Duel to the Death Over a Bit of Rope.” A dock watchman accused a guy of stealing some rope and shot him twice. The man returned fire and killed him. Both men, who were strangers and unrelated, were named William Scott.
One Abraham Kalinsky dies in Baltimore, supposedly 117 years old. He served in the Prussian army at Waterloo and helped burn Moscow.
Theodore Roosevelt writes an editorial criticizing the Taft administration policy towards trusts as inadequate, being overly reliant on the courts to punish bad corporations rather than, as TR advocates, based on regulation and oversight by an independent federal agency. As it is, there are no clear set rules for the behaviour of large corporations, just long court cases which might eventually result in them being declared trusts and dissolved.
Roosevelt is not opposed to huge corporations (combinations) per se, only to those that “do mischief,” and he attacks his Progressive buddies who are opposed to them on principle for their “rural toryism.” As long as we have steam, electricity, bit cities, etc, we can’t go back to the competitive climate of 60 years ago, he says.
One reason for TR criticizing his successor now is that the government case against US Steel claims that Roosevelt was “deceived” by US Steel over the monopolistic tendency of its acquisition of the Tennessee Coal and Iron Company in 1907. The dude does not take criticism well.
While some people view this article as a break with Taft, presaging an endorsement by Roosevelt of La Follette in 1912, the NYT thinks he won’t endorse La Follette or Taft, but will “keep as quiet as he can” until the convention, and then support the party nominee. And the Times strongly discounts the possibility of him running himself. They don’t know him very well, do they?
Russia is sending troops to occupy parts of Persia, as per its ultimatum.
Mexico arrests a Spanish dude who was allegedly going to assassinate President Madero for $10,000.
The Post Office is experimenting with delivering mail (in D.C. to start with) by newfangled automobiles.
There’s supposedly a reign of terror going on in Nanking, where any Chinese who have cut their queues (those pigtails) are being beheaded.
At an NAACP meeting in NYC to protest lynching, Rev. John Hanyes Holmes says that lynchings are getting more frequent and more cruel. “A few years ago, the mobs needed the excuse of an attack upon a woman. Now they do not wait for that excuse. It used to be considered enough to hang the negro. They want to burn him now.”
NYC Mayor Gaynor addresses the annual convention of the State Federation of Women’s Clubs, and tells them that no more than 2% of women want the vote (he soon finds out that pretty much 100% of the women in the audience want the vote). He then goes on at length about the unity of man and woman. And he assumed they all had the permission of their husbands to be here. It was a rather odd speech, during which he kept saying that he was distracted by the ash & garbage can situation (there’s a strike going on).
The premier of British Columbia, Richard McBride, asks the Canadian PM to ban Asiatics (Japanese, Chinese, and Indians) from BC. Says BC Attorney General Bowser, “Let us have white men in this country.”
Obama held a press conference following the APEC summit in Hawaii.
OF COURSE THE STAMPS WILL BE MADE IN CHINA: “Ninety-five percent of the world’s consumers are beyond our borders. I want them to be buying goods with three words stamped on them: Made in America.”
DUDE OWNS A GLOBE: “As I’ve said, the United States is, and always will be, a Pacific nation.”
He said of sanctions on Iran, “And they’re having an impact. All our intelligence indicates that Iran’s economy is suffering as a consequence of this.” He’s applauding making the Iranian people suffer. Swell.
“TECHNICALLY”: “the recent IAEA report indicates what we already knew, which is, although Iran does not possess a nuclear weapon and is technically still allowing IAEA observers into their country...”
IT’S NOT A RACE – ISRAEL WON THE RACE 50 YEARS AGO: “all three of us [Hu & Medvedev] entirely agree on the objective, which is making sure that Iran does not weaponize nuclear power and that we don’t trigger a nuclear arms race in the region.”
IN WHICH ONE WORD EQUALS THE SAME WORD: On Chinese currency over-valuation: “But the United States and other countries, I think understandably, feel that enough is enough.”
MAKES YOU WONDER WHY WE HAVE MORE THAN ONE POLITICAL PARTY (NOW SOMEONE’S GOING TO WRITE IN COMMENTS THAT WE DON’T – AREN’T YOU, ELI?): “I’ve been very frank with Chinese leaders, though, in saying that the American people across the board -- left, right and center -- believe in trade, believe in competition.”
He calls on China to become “a responsible leader in the world economy.” Evidently being a responsible leader like Obama means getting to talk to everyone else like they’re unruly teenagers: “But that requires them to take responsibility, to understand that their role is different now than it might have been 20 years ago or 30 years ago, where if they were breaking some rules, it didn’t really matter, it did not have a significant impact. ... Now they’ve grown up, and so they’re going to have to help manage this process in a responsible way.”
ACT LIKE DICKS AND SCREW OVER THE POOR?: On the “super-committee” and the deficit: “I still hold out the prospect that there’s going to be a light-bulb moment where everybody says ‘Ah-ha! Here’s what we’ve got to do.’” If it’s a compact flourescent light-bulb, Michelle Bachmann is going to throw a fit, you know.
ACT LIKE DICKS AND SCREW OVER THE POOR?: “Do I anticipate that at some point they [Republicans] recognize that doing nothing is not an option? That’s my hope.”
On the Sarkozy-Obama open mic moment re Bibi “The Liar” Netanyahu: “I’m not going to comment on conversations that I have with individual leaders”.
Obama ditched the hallowed tradition of making APEC leaders dress up in funny “native” costumes, because he has no sense of whimsy.
Here was Ponchopallooza ‘04 in Chile:
Bar Girls in Hanoi, 2006:
(Click here for my favorite of my APEC pics posts.)
Whatever the fuck this was supposed to be in Australia 2007:
Ponchopalooza ‘08 in Mexico:
Chinese Restaurant Waiters in Singapore 2009:
Next year, Vladivostok. I wanna see some damn Cossack costumes.
The Supreme Court rules that movies based on copyrighted books infringe those copyrights (to wit, the 1907, 15-minute Ben Hur) (which you can watch on YouTube).
A kidney transplant is successfully performed in Philadelphia.
