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In an ABC interview, Bush, asked about Congress’s report that the US is “woefully unprepared” for another Katrina or a terrorist attack, says, “I think the U.S. is better prepared than woefully unprepared.” That’s our George, always sees the woe as half full.
And this would be, simultaneously, 1) funny if it weren’t so sad, 2) sad if it weren’t so funny:
VARGAS: When you look back on those days immediately following when Katrina struck, what moment do you think was the moment that you realized that the government was failing, especially the people of New Orleans?
BUSH: When I saw TV reporters interviewing people who were screaming for help.
Yesterday, Stephen Colbert answered Fox’s question about whether civil war in Iraq would be a Good Thing: “If Iraq has a real civil war, then the U.S. can’t be involved. It’s called an ‘Exit Strategy’, folks.” Today, Bush kinda said the same thing to ABC:
VARGAS: But what is the plan if the sectarian violence continues? I mean, do the U.S. troops take a larger role? Do they step in more actively to stop the violence?
BUSH: No. The troops are chasing down terrorists.
Well, the same thing except for the exiting part:
VARGAS: So let me make sure I understand you. No matter what happens with the level of sectarian violence, the U.S. troops will stay there?
BUSH: The U.S. troops will stay there so long as -- until the Iraqis can defend themselves. I mean, my policy has not changed.
Heaven forfend.
The latest rumor in Britain’s Muslim community is of a woman who kicked a Koran and was turned into a mermaid. It’s all over the message boards of the Islamic Broadcasting Network, so it must be true.
Bush met with Republican governors yesterday, and wasted their time with a very stale stump speech. And while I haven’t seen video, but I’m guessing they were as obsequious as every other audience they allow him to go before (a proposed address to the Indian parliament was cancelled for just this reason), judging by this: “Thanks for the warm welcome. Be seated -- unless you don’t have a seat. (Laughter.)” Hilarious! And the governor of Georgia received the highest of honors, a brand-new nickname: “I want to thank Sonny. I call him ‘Big Buddy Perdue.’ (Laughter.) He is a big buddy.”
He insists that civil war is quite out of the question in Iraq: “The leaders of Iraq rejected this notion that a suicider and a thug and a terrorist can create civil war.” I can’t tell if those are three different people, or one guy with three jobs. These leaders, whoever they might be, are “interested in a unified government that will allow the people to express their will, a unified government that will give young mothers and fathers the hope that their children can grow up in a peaceful society.” A bitter, desperate, forlorn hope, indeed one might say a hopeless hope, to be sure...
Lately, whenever he talks about education, he talks as if math and science were the only “real” subjects, like so: “when we ground our students in the skills necessary to be good engineers and good physicists and good chemists and good scientists, the United States of America will continue to be the preeminent economy in the world in the 21st century.”
And today, he met with Silvio Berlusconi, who is oily, smarmy, corrupt, arrogant and megalomaniacal. Bush called him optimistic, a strong leader, a man of his word, and a man who “has brought stability to the Italian government. Obviously, it’s important for an American President to be able to work with somebody in a consistent manner”. In other words, George really hates it when he has to memorize new names. (Oh, Christ on a stick: I wrote that before getting to the end of the transcript, where Shrub actually says: “Because if a government is changing every year, it requires a person in my position to constantly have to reacquaint yourself.”)
Asked about the Dubai Ports, Bath & Beyond deal, well, last week it was “This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” Today: “If there was any doubt in my mind, or people in my administration’s mind that our ports would be less secure and the American people endangered, this deal wouldn’t go forward.” Then he accused everyone who opposes the deal of getting the basic facts wrong: “And I can understand people’s consternation because the first thing they heard was that a foreign company would be in charge of our port security, when, in fact, the Coast Guard and Customs are in charge of our port security.” Anyone else feel that we’ve just been horribly insulted by George Bush suggesting we’re all just as ignorant as, well, George Bush?
The front page of the Ha’aretz website Saturday provides a perhaps unfortunate summary of an article: “Hamas PM nominee to Washington Post: We don’t want Jews thrown in sea, deal would be in stages.” First, up to their knees...
George W. Bush: a moving/falling object.
Somehow, “object” gives him too much credit.
Shrub’s praise last week for General Masharaf – “I believe he’s committed to free and open elections.” – reminded me of his father’s 1981 toast to Ferdinand Marcos, “We love you, sir, we love your adherence to democratic principles.” When Marcos was ousted 20 years ago, I made my first and last call to a talk radio program to remind the listeners of that quote. After an hour on hold, I was put on the air for 10 seconds before they broke for news.
Saddam Hussein has called off his alleged hunger strike for “health reasons.” Evidently no one told him that not eating was unhealthy.
Robert Fisk quotes Condi Rice denouncing Iran because its policies “contradict the nature of the kind of Middle East sought by the United States”. Why how dare they!
Fisk also quotes Churchill, writing to Lloyd George in 1922 about dealing with Iraqi insurgency: “At present we are paying eight millions a year for the privilege of living on an ungrateful volcano out of which we are in no circumstances to get anything worth having.”
Antonin Scalia is nostalgic for the days he used to carry ride the subway in New York carrying a rifle.
The irony is not just that the United States is trying so hard to crush a democratically elected Hamas government, it’s that Condi went this week to an emirate, a monarchy, and whatever you want to call Egypt, to enlist their aid in that grand enterprise. (Update: the WaPo has an interesting article on this very subject).
The Bushies, behind a thick film of flop sweat, are responding to the Samarra de-dome-ification with forced cheerfulness. Says Bush, “I’m optimistic,” citing those stupid purple fingers again. And Condi claims to think that the violence in Iraq is just a bump in the road: “This makes it harder today and perhaps tomorrow, but I am confident the Iraqis are committed to, dedicated to the formation of a national unity government.” And she blamed “sectarian tensions” on “outsiders.” In fact, she’s attributing the mosque bombing to Al Qaeda, for which there is, as far I know, no actual evidence. Ambassador Khalilzad is peddling a variant of the familiar “the attacks show how desperate the insurgents are” spin, saying that the Samarra bombing could bring Iraqis together, “given that the Iraqi leaders know and appreciate that civil war is a terrible kind of war.” As opposed to the fun-for-the-whole-family, fluffy bunny kind of war. So the closer they get to civil war the better, or something.
Vice President Dick Cheney presents the Distinguished Service Cross to Lieutenant Bernard W. Bail and... OH MY GOD! That’s not a Distinguished Service Cross! It’s a bull’s-eye! A BULL’S-EYE!! Run, Lt. Bail, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
You know, that “confident, capable Iraqi government” Gen. Lynch spoke of yesterday? Isn’t it supposed to be gone by now? Weren’t there, like, elections a few months ago that were supposed to replace those people? Does anyone now believe that there will be negotiations leading to a government that can win the support of 2/3 of the national assembly?
I assume it’s a mistake, but the White House website lists Bush’s interview with Indian state tv as taking place from 11:18 to 11:28 this morning, and an interview with Pakistani tv from 11:20 to 11:37, both in the Map Room, like one of those sitcoms where the guy makes dates with two different women for the same time, and hilarity ensues. With India, he continues to play Professor Harold Hill: “And the more nuclear power used by great emerging democracies and economies like India, the better off we’ll all be.” An Indian reporter tries to link the presence in Pakistan of both Al Qaeda and training camps for “Pakistan-occupied Kashmir.” Bush replies, “I understand the war on terror is universal,” but says Musharaf, just like India and the US, “cares deeply about innocent life.” So that’s ok then.
The Pakistani interviewer also asked about Kashmir, and what the US can do to help. Bush: “Well, I started to play a role in my speech, and I spoke out on the issue and encouraged the President and the Prime Minister of India to continue down the road of solving the issue with a solution that’s acceptable to all sides.” Now why didn’t anyone think of that before? And on Al Qaeda, he opines, “Nobody should want foreign fighters in their soil wreaking havoc.”
American Moron, indeed.
Caption contest:
The Voice of America is given a tour of interrogation rooms in Guantanamo, designed to indicate that the voice of America’s indefinite detainees is not a shriek of pain. Oh sure, prisoners were beaten up, mistakes were made, but, the VOA says several times, that’s all in the past now.
Among our weapons... the Comfy Chair. No, not this one.
This one:
And it’s a recliner. A Lazy-Unlawful-Combatant-Boy. Note the thing on the floor for the shackles.
Rumsfeld, 9/11/01, according to declassified notes taken by a staffer: “judge whether good enough [to] hit S.H. [Saddam Hussein] at same time - not only UBL [Usama Bin Laden]” and “Go massive... Sweep it all up. Things related and not.” Rummy was looking for a quick, violent response, so I assume this wasn’t (yet) about invading and occupying Iraq but about bombing it, a lot.
Simon Tisdall in the Guardian comments that there is less American talk about “victory” in Iraq these days. Yes, but it’s not just because we’re, you know, losing. Look at the events since the Samarra dome bombing: we’re irrelevant. Whether there will or won’t be a civil war is no longer up to us. “Victory” would imply that we’re a major player there and, somehow, we no longer are.
In advance of his trip to India and Pakistan, Bush said Wednesday that he wants a solution to the Kashmir situation “acceptable to both sides.” Later he had to pretend that he meant to say “all sides,” including the, you know, actual Kashmiris. He did this in separate interviews (naturally) with Indian and Pakistani journalists; only the former is on the White House website for some reason. The transcript of the latter is here.
With the Pakistanis, he addressed the Cartoon Wars: “nor do I appreciate the fact that some are... cynically manipulating the anger that some have felt over these cartoons.” I know, cynically manipulating anger, just imagine. Oh, and also: “The nation needs to be closer to the Waltons than the Simpsons.” (George H.W. Bush, 1/27/92)
Finally, someone asked him about Damadola, giving him the opportunity to refuse to say whether he’d ordered a bombing raid inside Pakistan or not, but that if he had....: “We coordinate. We’re allies and we coordinate. Nor do we talk about sensitive anti-terror operations. Of course the United States mourns the loss of innocent life.” There’s no “of course” about it. And what exactly is “sensitive” about it? He’s trying to sound as if he’s protecting legitimate security secrets, but I’m pretty sure the people of Damadola know they’ve been bombed.
Bush has been talking about helping India develop nuclear power plants. The Pakistanis wanted to know why he wasn’t doing the same for them. He said, well maybe later. He did not say, because for 20 years you’ve been selling nuclear technology to everyone and his uncle. An Indian reporter had asked about A.Q. Khan in their interview with Bush, and Bush referred to that “conspiracy,” suddenly realized that he was using a word that implicated his good buddy Musharaf, and altered it to “activities.”
An Indian asked whether he was more comfortable dealing with dictators and monarchs. He pretending they were talking about Queen Elizabeth.
And he was asked (I guess this is the Indian equivalent of boxers or briefs) which he’d rather watch, a cricket match or a Bollywood movie.
Cricket.
George Bush is going to India and Pakistan. He will be pretending that the latter is a democracy, not run by the military at all.
Pakistan has a lively and generally free press. I’m confident I will hear from them on my trip to Pakistan. (Laughter.) Occasionally, there’s interference by security forces, but it’s a strong press.
He will of course be milking American assistance after the Pakistani earthquake for all it’s worth.
The terrorists have said that America is the Great Satan. Today, in the mountains of Pakistan, they call our Chinook helicopters “angels of mercy.”
And today, he imparted the wisdom that “The destruction of a holy site is a political act intending to create strife.” And we know how much he hates politics. He reiterated American “commitment in helping to rebuild that holy site.” Like the Shiites actually want his infidel fingerprints on their golden dome.
Yes, I’m aware that sounded kinda dirty.
Asked about Dubai Ports ‘N Stuff, Bush explained the intricacy of the economics of the situation: “The management of some ports, which, heretofore, has been managed by a foreign company will be managed by another company from a foreign land. And so people don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” By this time, you will already have seen that last sentence 10 or more times. Now you’ve seen it again. It’s almost zen-like, isn’t it, I mean if the Buddha were a complete moron. But it’s the previous sentence that really sums up his message: people shouldn’t worry about it. He also said that people should be “comforted” that our ports will be secure, and that Bushies were “bringing a sense of calm to this issue”. It’s like the period a few weeks after 9/11 when they kept talking about making people “feel secure” flying again, rather than talking about making them actually secure.
Condi Rice has been touring the Middle East this week, possibly trying to find a country to run all those nuclear plants Bush wants to build. But she also tried with no success to convince Egypt, Saudi Arabia etc not to fund the Palestinian government. The Saudi foreign minister gave the perfect response, even if he probably doesn’t mean a word of it: “We do not want to link international aid to the Palestinian people with considerations other than their terrible humanitarian needs.”
In the headlines, “shrine fury” replaces last week’s “cartoon fury.”
Fortunately, General Rick Lynch reassures us that the shrine fury does not rise to the level of a civil war, because only 7 Sunni mosques have been destroyed by those “inflammated” by the Samarra bombing: “So we are not seeing civil war igniting in Iraq. We are not seeing 77, 80, 100 mosques damaged in Iraq. We are not seeing death on the streets.” Possibly the 130 killed (so far) were on sidewalks. (Update: AP headline: “47 Bodies Found in Ditch North of Baghdad.” See, we’re only seeing death in the ditches.) And OK, it’s only been a day since the bombing, but I’m sure it’ll blow over quickly, just like that cartoon thing. (Another update: some reports now have dozens of Sunni mosques being attacked. Lynch may be a little sorry that he actually defined what would constitute a civil war.)
Brokeback mountain, in Lego.
Follow-up: Gen. Bantz Craddock touted the incredible pampering of hunger-striking prisoners in Guatanamo, who are allowed to choose the color of the feeding tube shoved into their noses. I can now reveal that those tubes come in yellow, beige and clear. “They like the yellow,” sez Craddock. I’m thinking like may be too strong a word.
I meant to say in the last post that I don’t consider it a huge security risk that an Emirati multinational corporation rather than a British or an American one will be hiring the illegal immigrants who work in our ports.General Bantz Craddock, head of US Southern Command, which includes Guantanamo, admits the use of restraint chairs on hunger-strikers, and, more or less, to using brutality to try to break the hunger strike. “Pretty soon it wasn’t convenient, and they decided it wasn’t worth it. A lot of the detainees said: ‘I don’t want to put up with this. This is too much of a hassle.’” Imagine what sort of a “hassle” it takes to dissuade people already committed to starving themselves to death. One form of hassle revealed by the NYT: not leaving the NG tube in in between feedings, but removing and re-inserting it each time. That’s where the argument that this is being done on medical grounds falls away, and it becomes torture, pure and simple. Craddock, however, portrays the hunger-strikers as pampered children, “indulged,” the says (I’d have liked the actual quotation), “to the point that they had been allowed to choose the color of their feeding tubes.”The US is still paying Iraqi newspapers to print puff pieces, despite Rumsfeld’s denials last week. Or perhaps not. Rummy said Tuesday that “It was put under review, and I don’t have knowledge as to whether or not it’s been stopped.”Rummy on Iraq: “There has been sectarian violence in that part of the world for decades. ... And so it’s -- to isolate out violence today and say, ‘Oh, my goodness, there’s violence today; isn’t that different’... would be out of context, because in fact there’s been incredible violence in that country for year after year after year.” After year.
There was a Linda Tripp legal defense fund, so I suppose it was inevitable that there be one for Scooter Libby, “one of the unsung heroes in fighting the war on terror.” Unsung? Why, that’s just so unfair. I would suggest a contest to come up with a Song for Scooter, but I’m afraid you people would actually write one.
The ability of the Cartoon Wars to generate entertaining headlines continues unabated. From The Times: “More Killed by Cartoon Mobs.” In Nigeria. Actually it’s no longer about the cartoons, but about a Christian teacher who took a Koran away from a student, then came the inevitable rumors about desecration, then the machetes came out. Honestly, I’d rather picture cartoon mobs, if you don’t mind.
Another good headline: “Psychics Help Hunt for Prize Dog.” The psychics have informed the owners that the dog, which escaped Kennedy Airport, is in a building.
Fun fact to learn and forget: the people of the United Arab Emirates are called Emirati.
And of course Bush is planning to turn over management of six American ports to an Emirati firm, Dubai Ports ‘R Us, bringing extra scrutiny to his complete failure to secure American ports against terrorists. Says Bush, “I really don’t understand why it’s okay for a British company to operate our ports, but not a company from the Middle East... And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British [sic] company.” Of course he’s been talking all week about ways to reduce our addiction to oil from the Middle East, not British oil from the North Sea.
On Congressional threats to legislate against this move:
Q Why is it so important to you, sir, that you take on this issue as a political fight? Clearly, there’s bipartisan --
THE PRESIDENT: I don’t view it as a political fight. So do you want to start your question over? I view it as a good policy. [snip...]
THE PRESIDENT: It’s not a political issue.
Q But there clearly are members of your own party who will go to the mat against you on this.
THE PRESIDENT: It’s not a political issue.
Q Why are you -- to make this, to have this fight?
THE PRESIDENT: I don’t view it as a fight. I view it as me saying to people what I think is right, the right policy. [snip...]
THE PRESIDENT: That’s one of the tools the President has to indicate to the legislative branch his intentions. A veto doesn’t mean fight, or politics, it’s just one of the tools I’ve got. I say veto, by the way, quite frequently in messages to Congress.
I was going to try to figure out how he defines the terms political and politics – what does he mean by saying that a veto doesn’t mean politics and by the twice-iterated “It’s not a political issue”? I thought it might illuminate his growing contempt for any element of government not meeting behind closed doors in the White House. Then I remembered that this is Bush we’re talking about, the man who describes everything as “interesting” and has little more sense of the meaning of words he puts into sentences than my cat does when she walks across my keyboard, and not much more desire to communicate in any meaningful way. After all, what is the value of a medium for the communication of ideas to a man who has no ideas. Politics means something bad, or people bitching about the good things he does, certainly it’s not something he ever does, he just gets on with the business of governing. Or something.
The quote of the day is from American Ambassador/Viceroy to Iraq, Zalmay Khalilzad, giving Iraqi politicians a jolly good public scolding: “We are not going to invest the resources of the American people to build forces run by people who are sectarian.” Sounds like he’s getting ready to write off Iraq on his taxes. “Invest,” indeed. Arguably, though, sectarian forces are the only American success story, investment-wise. Not a lot to show for the money poured into electricity generation, or oil production, but we’ve sure managed to turn small armed gangs into entire police forces, army units, and Interior Ministry death squads, with franchises popping up everywhere like fucking Starbucks.
In that press conference (by the way, has anyone seen a transcript?), he also told Iran to fuck off (“none of their business”), in response to its demand that the British withdraw troops from Basra (20 miles from the Iranian border), where those videos of British troops beating Iraqi youths and laughing about it were recorded. British defense minister John Reid echoed Rumsfeld’s response to Abu Ghraib by attacking those who failed to empathize with the troops and even dare to suggest that the enforcement of human rights laws, which he calls a “convenient banner under which some who are fundamentally opposed to our armed forces, or the government of the day, or to a particular military conflict, have chosen to march.” He asks people to be “slower to condemn.” OK. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..
Follow-up: speaking of condemning, that execution in California is now on hold because the two anesthesiologists pulled out. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that one of the pieces of evidence against him came from a jailhouse informer who said that Morales confessed to him in fluent Spanish, which Morales does not speak. Morales is definitely guilty, really really guilty, but this evidence may have helped get him the death sentence. But the appeals courts aren’t interested.
Speaking of occupied countries, the UN seems finally to be moving towards independence for Kosovo, and Serbs are not happy, no sirree. They keep threatening to start referring to Kosovo as “occupied territory,” as if that was supposed to scare somebody. I’m not sure why it would, nor who they think Kosovo is occupied by, except, you know, Kosovars. Possibly by occupied they mean the opposite of ethnically cleansed.
My mistake, the BBC is keeping a tally of Cartoon War deaths. 44 at least so far. In Pakistan, a Christian church was burned down after yet another Hey-didja-hear-some-guy-burned-the-Koran rumor, and the military has been deployed to protect American fast-food restaurants, which is not a phrase you get to use every day.
Today Bush went to a company called Johnson Controls, Inc., after being assured that they would not try to control his johnson. I’m not proud of that joke, but it had to be said. Actually, he went to look at lithium-ion batteries being developed for hybrid cars. He hoped to buy one for the LauraBot 3000.
He began his speech: “Thanks for letting me come by to say ‘hello.’ (Laughter.)” Now, is that derisive laughter or what? He said it was
really neat to see the engineers and the scientists and the Ph.D.s all working hard to apply their God-given talents to help this country remain on the leading edge of technology.
Just had to slip God in there, didn’t you?
As is usual in these things, he brought some congresscritters, Gwen Moore, Mark Green & Paul Ryan, and thanked them for coming, adding, “We have eaten a lot of custard in the past. (Laughter.) I’m still recovering, I want you to know. (Laughter.)” That crowd will just laugh at anything, won’t they? Maybe it’s just the way he tells it. Custard. Whatever.
Later he goes on about ethanol and switch grass again. He explains the science behind this: “we’re coming up with a way to make something out of nothing.” It’s all just magic beans to him.
Or possibly magic radioactive beans, since he also advocates building lots of nuclear power plants. Hey, France is doing it! And China’s doing it! So it must be good! Says they’re completely safe, but to create an incentive to build them, the federal government will provide risk insurance for the next six. But if they’re completely safe, shouldn’t insurance cost, like, nothing? Says nuke plants are “part of our way to make sure that the future is bright”. No laughter this time. Custard, funny, glow-in-the-dark grandkids, not so much, evidently. Must be that comical k sound.
The future is so bright, the scientists told him with suppressed giggles, you’ll need to buy these special glasses. Only $500, Mr. President.
And we’re “going to work with other nations to help them build nuclear power industries,” like a nuclear Johnny Appleseed. “We want people growing in the world.”
He’s also downright visionary about other far-out technologies: “For example, roof makers will one day be able to create a solar roof that protects you from the elements and, at the same time, powers your house.” Wow, we could even call it solar... energy.
Up until today, all of the dead in the Cartoon Wars were protestors, usually killed by private or state security forces, including the 10 in Libya yesterday. So the score was Allah 0, Thor 25 or 30 (why is no one keeping a running tally?). Saturday’s deaths in Nigeria, however, 16 plus, were mostly Christians killed by Muslims, and the arson targets were not Scandinavian embassies or KFCs (which I understand can burn for over 10 years) but Christian churches and Christian-owned shops.
And the bounty on the head of the Danish cartoonist is now over $10m. The latest top-up comes from an official of the state government of Uttar Pradesh, India, the... wait for it... minister of minority welfare, a man who rejoices in the name Mohamed Yaqoob Qureshi. In fact, he shares that last name with the Pakistani cleric who announced the $1-million-and-a-car reward Friday. Hmm.
René Préval has negotiated with the Haitian electoral commission to avoid a run-off by ignoring the (suspiciously numerous) blank ballots, pushing him over the 50% threshold. The American ambassador says that it only matters that the election laws were flouted if Préval does a bad job in office. “If he does perform, nobody will remember it.” This is a man who works for George W. Bush. Ambassador Carney, pushing for the continued exile of Aristide, says that the elections “confirmed that Aristide is a man of the past, unlikely to have any role in Haiti’s future.” Not quite sure how he comes to that particular conclusion. Was there also a ballot measure, Is Jean-Bertrand Aristide a man of the past, yes or no, that I haven’t heard about?
Harry Hutton on who’s worse, Tony Blair or Hitler (I won’t spoil it for you by revealing the answer).
The LAT on regulations quietly, some would say stealthily, issued by the Bushies that eliminate consumers’ rights to sue over dangerous products. The article also discusses Bushie efforts to overturn state regulations on such things as emissions standards, privacy, or credit card disclosure. Not only a must-read, but a why-the-hell-haven’t-we-read-this-before?
And welcome to the Monkeysphere, or possibly spherical monkeys.
Secretary of War Rumsfeld says that the US is less competent in “manipulating opinion elites” than are the terrorists.
A few years ago in Iraq, under Saddam Hussein, an Iraqi could have his tongue cut out if he was found in possession of a satellite dish or used the Internet without government approval. Today, satellite dishes are ubiquitous in that country as well. Regrettably, many of the news channels being watched through these dishes are extremely hostile to the West.
So Rummy is advocating going back to the tongue-cutting-out-thing, I take it.
(Also, I don’t know of anyone having their tongue cut out for using the Internet in Iraq, and I don’t think Iraq banned satellite dishes; that’s Iran you’re thinking of. But other than that...)
Rummy laughs at the thought of people’s tongues being cut out
He says the US is slower to respond because “unlike our enemies, which propagate lies with impunity -- with no penalty whatsoever... Our government has to be the source. And we tell the truth.”
Rummy laughs at the thought of telling the truth
He complains that “allegations of ‘buying news’ in Iraq... leads to a ‘chilling effect’ for those who are asked to serve in the military public affairs field. The conclusion is drawn that there is no tolerance for innovation”. Hate to tell ya, but bribery isn’t an innovation, it’s actually a pretty old concept.
He cites as an example of improving practice the deployment of a military communications team after the Pakistan earthquake, “to help focus the attention of the media on the U.S. government’s truly extraordinary commitment to help the Pakistani people.” Well, its truly extraordinary commitment to be filmed helping the Pakistani people. He says this “changed dramatically” the attitudes towards the US in Pakistan. Evidently his speech was written before the riots this week in which a KFC and other symbols of America were burned. “Indeed, it was not long before the new favorite toy in Pakistan was a small replica of a Chinook helicopter, because of the many lives our helicopters saved, and the mountains of relief supplies they delivered.” Are you suspecting what I’m suspecting, that the mountains of “relief supplies” included small replicas of Chinook helicopters?
Rumsfeld pretends to be a bird (or possibly a Chinook helicopter)...
But quickly realizes his mistake when he sees Dick Cheney with a rifle.
Condi Rice, who has just requested Congress fund dissidents in Iran and Syria (click here for the application form for the latter), suggests those countries “think twice” before funding the Palestinian government. The US has even asked for $50m in aid to be returned, and Chairman Abbas, in the full-on quisling mode that seems to be his response to the Hamas election victory, has agreed to do so.
Sometimes when I read a Bush speech, there’s some piece of idiocy that seems to have come from the Chimp himself, winging it. And then in the next speech, you see it again. And in the next speech. This, for example, is something he clearly thinks is clever, because it’s about the fifth time I’ve seen it:
My buddies in Texas, when they show up to Washington, after they get over the initial surprise that I’m still there -- (laughter) -- or got there in the first place -- (laughter) -- say, like, what’s it like, you know? What is the job description? What’s it like to be President? And the best way to answer it is, I make a lot of decisions.
The Italian Supreme Court, long a source of asinine and/or sexist decisions (past examples here and here) rules that a man who raped a 14-year old may have his sentence reduced because she was not a virgin.
Follow-up: Schwarzenegger denied clemency to the rapist-murderer who won that case on death-penalty drugs and who was represented by Kenneth Starr. No word on whether the question of virginity entered into the gropinator’s decision. He did say that Morales failed to use the word murder in his clemency request, or acknowledge the rape, so he had insufficiently accepted responsibility. How’s that inquiry into the allegations of sexual abuse by you going, governor?
Speaking of taking responsibility, Bush spreads his even further: “I thought there would be weapons of mass destruction -- and so did everybody else in the world”. “This man [Saddam Hussein] was harboring terrorists. He was on a state sponsor of terrorists list. I didn’t put him on there, he was put on there by previous Presidents.”
Speaking of taking responsibility, Media Matters points out a reluctance in the media to use the word “shot” in relation to what Cheney did to Whittington. Lots of passive voice, lots of “peppered,” lots of “was sprayed with birdshot” (makes it sound like Cheney was marking his territory, which, in a way...)
And back to the Bush speech again: “And we started off initially [In Iraq] with kind of these grand projects. We got the Congress to appropriate money, and we tried to build some great electricity-type renovations, and the enemy kept blowing them up. ... And so now we’ve got much smaller-scale projects that are yielding instant results for the people on the ground, so people say, wait a minute, this democracy deal is a pretty good thing, you know.” He doesn’t say what these instant results are, but I hope the Iraqis can see them in the dark. Electricity-type renovations?
He also hasn’t retired a phrase that’s always creeped me out due to its dehumanization of the enemy. “So on the security side, we’re on the hunt.” Dude, maybe you don’t use that phrase the week your veep shot a guy in the face.
The Q&A was, as ever at these events, staggering in its intensity:
Q Mr. President, I just wanted to take an opportunity to tell you I think our country is blessed to have you as our President.
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. (Applause.)
And
Q Thank you for being our President. We are all way better off and very safe --
THE PRESIDENT: Thanks. My high honor, by the way. (Applause.)
Q Thank you.
THE PRESIDENT: I’m glad I did it.
Q We appreciate it. How do you -- earlier you shared with us some intimacy about how you make decisions, and I felt that was heartfelt. How do you keep it together? What do you really think about when the biggest story this week was Dick Cheney’s hunting trip, and not Al Gore blasting our troops and being treasonous in his regard to this war on terror in the Middle East? (Applause.) How do you keep it together?
THE PRESIDENT: Booze and hookers.
I may have made up the last part.
I hate the State Department’s crappy website. I’ve been getting Condi’s budget committee testimony in dribs and drabs (by the way, do you know what a drab is? It’s a drib). Here’s another drib: she accused Hugo Chavez of practicing a “Latin brand of populism that has taken countries down the drain.” I’m kind of enjoying thinking about a brand of populism conducted entirely in Latin (“Vox populi, vox Dei,” I always say). Or, if you wanted to be even more populist, Pig Latin. Or did Condi mean something else, with salsa music and the tango and the hot Latin blood and suchlike? Populism is one of the Bushies’ swear words, although it really hasn’t caught on. You were supposed to gasp when she said it: “Populism, oh my word! heavenly mercies! oh the horror!” As I commented in October, “The Bushies don’t seem to be defining what this populism thing they’re castigating actually is, but the label is meant to somehow delegitimize leaders they dislike who nonetheless have the effrontery to win elections.”
Another drib, or possibly a drab, about building the Iraqi military and police: “To be fair, we made a mistake earlier. We relied on number rather than on quality.” I dunno, the death squads operating within the Interior Ministry seem fairly efficient.
The chief Internet guy in the Chinese government, Liu Zhengrong may or may not be horrified by the thought of populism, with or without salsa, but is afeared of “harmful information.” However, he says that Chinese censorship practices are based on those in the West, just like the Washington Post turning off comments. Oh, and the Patriot Act, it’s just like that. “We have noted that the US is doing a good job on this front.” And a Google VP told a House subcommittee, that Google’s censoring of the internet in China “was not something we did enthusiastically, or not something that we’re proud of at all.” So that’s ok, then.
There’s another reward for the death of the Danish cartoonist, this time from a cleric in Pakistan: $1 million (why must they use American currency? why not the Danish herring, or whatever they use over there?) and a car. Doesn’t say what type of car.
Harry Whittington is leaving the hospital. He says he is “deeply sorry” for the trouble he caused Dick Cheney by getting shot by him, adding, “Accidents do and will happen, and that’s what happened last Friday.” The Associated Press put a period after the word happened, covering up the worrying detail that Whittington doesn’t know what day he got shot.
Israel will in future allow Palestinians from the West Bank to enter Israel only at one of 11 separate-but-equal checkpoints; the others are reserved for “Israelis,” which includes tourists and... and some would suggest this is the giveaway... anyone entitled to emigrate to Israel under the Law of Return. Oh, and a creeping-annexation alert: 8 of the 11 are not on the actual border, but somewhere inside the West Bank.
In Beijing, a restaurant that serves only penises. And an hour later you want to eat a penis again. The Telegraph penis restaurant reviewer sampled the cuisine, but doesn’t say if yak penis tastes like chicken penis.
I don’t know if this is better or worse than being an axis of evil, but Condi referred yesterday to “Iran’s sidekicks Syria, Venezuela ... and Cuba”. Sidekicks? Sidekicks? What does that even mean? She is also talking about an “inoculation” strategy against Venezuela, which is evidently less a country than a disease now.
If it weren’t for a certain shooting incident, we’d all be having more fun this week with Kenneth Starr’s involvement in fraudulent affidavits submitted as part of a clemency appeal in a death penalty case purportedly from jurors who’d changed their minds (although, sadly, there is no evidence Starr was aware of the fraud) (none of this , curiously, is even mentioned in the LAT story that link goes to). Starr became convinced that execution would be unjust because the man, who raped, strangled and stabbed a 17-year old girl – oh, and hit her with a hammer – has since become a “deeply sorrowful Christian,” in Starr’s words. Makes you wonder how history would have been different if Clinton had played the Jesus card.
