Monday, February 20, 2006

The future is bright

My mistake, the BBC is keeping a tally of Cartoon War deaths. 44 at least so far. In Pakistan, a Christian church was burned down after yet another Hey-didja-hear-some-guy-burned-the-Koran rumor, and the military has been deployed to protect American fast-food restaurants, which is not a phrase you get to use every day.

Today Bush went to a company called Johnson Controls, Inc., after being assured that they would not try to control his johnson. I’m not proud of that joke, but it had to be said. Actually, he went to look at lithium-ion batteries being developed for hybrid cars. He hoped to buy one for the LauraBot 3000.

He began his speech: “Thanks for letting me come by to say ‘hello.’ (Laughter.)” Now, is that derisive laughter or what? He said it was
really neat to see the engineers and the scientists and the Ph.D.s all working hard to apply their God-given talents to help this country remain on the leading edge of technology.
Just had to slip God in there, didn’t you?

As is usual in these things, he brought some congresscritters, Gwen Moore, Mark Green & Paul Ryan, and thanked them for coming, adding, “We have eaten a lot of custard in the past. (Laughter.) I’m still recovering, I want you to know. (Laughter.)” That crowd will just laugh at anything, won’t they? Maybe it’s just the way he tells it. Custard. Whatever.

Later he goes on about ethanol and switch grass again. He explains the science behind this: “we’re coming up with a way to make something out of nothing.” It’s all just magic beans to him.

Or possibly magic radioactive beans, since he also advocates building lots of nuclear power plants. Hey, France is doing it! And China’s doing it! So it must be good! Says they’re completely safe, but to create an incentive to build them, the federal government will provide risk insurance for the next six. But if they’re completely safe, shouldn’t insurance cost, like, nothing? Says nuke plants are “part of our way to make sure that the future is bright”. No laughter this time. Custard, funny, glow-in-the-dark grandkids, not so much, evidently. Must be that comical k sound.

The future is so bright, the scientists told him with suppressed giggles, you’ll need to buy these special glasses. Only $500, Mr. President.

And we’re “going to work with other nations to help them build nuclear power industries,” like a nuclear Johnny Appleseed. “We want people growing in the world.”

He’s also downright visionary about other far-out technologies: “For example, roof makers will one day be able to create a solar roof that protects you from the elements and, at the same time, powers your house.” Wow, we could even call it solar... energy.

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