The Afghan people are our center of gravity

Today Col. John Nicholson gave a tele-briefing from Afghanistan on the war there, which he “humbly suggests[s]” we’re winning. He also said that “the Afghan people are our center of gravity” and “We feel genuinely appreciated by the Afghan people.” At least, the ones they haven’t shot up in hysterical rampages, as they did in March.

Nicholson just met with the families of the 19 civilians killed in that incident, “and I would comment that the response by the people was very positive. Showing them the appropriate respect is culturally significant, and seeing the genuine remorse that we have for incidents such as this is important in terms of keeping them with us.” He told the families that he “stand[s] before you today deeply, deeply ashamed and terribly sorry that Americans have killed and wounded innocent Afghan people.” He said that when such regrettable incidents occur, “we go to great lengths to try and make it right” and so we’re giving the survivors $2,000. Don’t spend it all in one place.

(Update: the Pentagon website’s article about Nicholson’s briefing is entitled “U.S. Soldiers Continue to Gain Trust of Afghan People.” Guess those $2,000 checks didn’t bounce.)

A Royal Command Caption Contest

Taking the fight to the enemy

Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch, Military Moron, has been promoted from his spokesmodel job and put in charge of actual troops as a division commander in Iraq. He gave a briefing Friday in which he used the phrase “my battlespace” something like 600 times. Lynch says that US casualties in Iraq will increase “because we’re taking the fight to the enemy.” So that’s okay, then. Just remember that if the number of dead American soldiers rises, it will show that we are winning. If it goes down, that will also show that we are winning. Care to guess what the number staying exactly the same will show? (In Lynch’s first appearance in this blog in 2005, he was insisting that car bombs were a sign of progress towards democracy.) He also blamed Iran for sending “accelerants of violence” to, he claims, both Shiite and Sunni insurgents.

Photographer Spencer Tunick, who does this sort of thing, got 18,000 people to pose naked in Mexico City yesterday. Oh sure, when I try to get 18,000 people to pose naked, they just look at me funny, but when Mr. Big Time Artist asks...





These are news agency photographs. You can find some of Tunick’s photos at the link in the last paragraph, or google him. Some of them are quite interesting.

Queen Elizabeth is in the US on a “All right, enough with the ‘independence’ crap already, I want my shit back” tour. She met George Bush at the White House, which she plans to give to the corgis, today. She and George did not pose naked, as far as I know. Take a look at these pictures, and I have a question for you afterwards.




All right, how many of you pictured George putting on Liz’s hat?

Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz: The Motion Picture

It is impossible to satirize Hollywood. Tonight, The Simpsons came up with “Frankenberry: The Movie,” but this morning’s NYT mentioned a live-action Underdog movie coming this summer.

Actually, stupid Hollywood remake ideas has been a theme of mine over the years. Some of the ones I heard mentioned have been made (Bewitched, Charlie’s Angels, The Manchurian Candidate, The Honeymooners), some have not, or at least not yet. Since it was a slow news weekend, let’s recap:

The Prisoner, with Mel Gibson (I believe there are again plans for this, without Gibson).

Barbarella, with Drew Barrymore.

Dr. Who, directed by the Blair Witch Project people.

Kind Hearts and Coronets, with Will Smith and Robin Williams.

Hawaii Five-0.

The Dukes of Hazzard, with Britney Spears.

A live-action Speed Racer.

Bullitt.

Kung Fu.

Welcome Back Kotter, with Ice-Cube as Kotter.

I do like the Simpsons idea of adapting characters from commercials. Let’s Get Mikey: The Movie. You’re Soaking In It: The Movie. I’d Like To Buy the World a Coke: The Motion Picture. Where’s The Beef?, starring Eddie Murphy or possibly Martin Lawrence, because one recurring theme is to remake old tv shows and movies with black actors in formerly white roles. I’m telling you, 20 years from now the movie remake of The Sopranos will be a broad comedy and Toni Soprano will be a large sassy black woman.

Anyone else have movie remake ideas?


(click for larger image)

I love France, just as one loves someone who is very close to one

On the principle that he’s a thuggish authoritarian bully but at least he doesn’t have a vagina, France elects Sarkozy president, and we’ll just have to see how badly that turns out. The exact powers of the president are not well defined, and they’ll be a lot less if the legislative elections result in a PS prime minister. Sarkozy says, “I love France. I love France, just as one loves someone who is very close to one.”

But exactly how do French people love someone who is very close to one? According to Willard Mitt Romney, who was a Mormon missionary in France in the ‘60s and does not approve of the way in which French people love someone who is very close to one, “In France, for instance, I’m told that marriage is now frequently contracted in seven-year terms where either party may move on when their term is up.” And it must be true, he read it in Ignorant Stereotypes Magazine.

Right after church this morning, Bush talked about the tornado that hit Greensburg, Kansas. “To the extent that we can help, we will,” he said. “The most important thing now, though, is for our citizens to ask for the good Lord to comfort those who hurt.” Really, the most important thing? I guess it’s easier than, I don’t know, finding them food and shelter and medical care.

I’m Harry

Tony Blair decided that Prince Harry will be sent to Iraq with his unit. The military decided not to decide, saying the decision was a political one. Obviously if it had been decided on military considerations, he wouldn’t have gone, since a lot of soldiers will spend all their time protecting him from kidnappers. Anyway, soldiers are now arriving in Iraq with t-shirts saying “I’m Harry” to show their solidarity, inspired by the movie “Spartacus.” Because Prince Harry is just like the leader of a defeated slave rebellion.

If Jenna ever joined up, would our soldiers have to wear “I’m Jenna” t-shirts?

And would they have to lift them to expose their chests in exchange for beads?

The London Sunday Times obit of Bobby Pickett says that the song “Monster Mash” was originally banned in Britain as “too morbid.”

An email from the McCain campaign provides more “fun facts about John McCain”:

In June 1999, on a campaign stop in rural New Hampshire, McCain played the fiddle for more than 3,000 residents...

John McCain boxed at Annapolis and is a lifetime boxing fan...

Something rather horrible has happened to the London Review of Books personals section: it has been taken over by genuine personal ads. Art historians and self-described fabulous Finnish blondes and Titian beauties looking for romance. That is just so wrong (although less pathetic, obviously, than the fun facts about John McCain). Here are a few from the good old days earlier this year, which I was saving up for a longer collection. (I can, however, recommend the hardback compliation “They Call Me Naughty Lola,” somewhat over-priced at $10.88 for 160 pages, but a lot of fun, and with informative footnotes).

It’s taken me all year to summon the courage to place this ad. M 34. Affectionate coward. Box no. 03/02

You, F. 40s, cannot accept a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which does not exist. Me, M. 40s, will be fond of your intolerance.

Man, 42. WLTM woman to 50 to help harness the disappointment I routinely create in all my relationships. Own tap shoes an advantage. Box no. 03/05

They say silence is golden. Well meaning man, 34, WLTM patient girl who doesn’t handle congenital lack of male foresight with carat after carat of disquieting quiet. Box no. 06/06

Woman, 36, WLTM man to 40 who doesn’t try to high-five her after sex. You know who you are. Box no. 02/08

I didn’t lecture him. He didn’t lecture me.

At the conference on Iraq in Egypt, Condi refused to let herself be photographed with the Syrian foreign minister, who no doubt wasn’t too thrilled to be seen with her either. She said of the meeting, “I didn’t lecture him. He didn’t lecture me.” Boy, there’s never a chalkboard and a pointer around when you need one, is there?


She was supposed to be seated at dinner opposite the Iranian foreign minister, but he skipped the dinner after his eyes were affronted by the sight of a female violinist (Larissa Abramova, a Ukrainian) not in Islamic dress. Here’s the slut in question.


Condi replied to demands that the US end its occupation of Iraq by citing “the facts on the ground” and suggested that “this was an opportunity for people, rather than thinking about what others should do, to think about what they should do.”

Asked about whether the Iraqi government can dismantle the militias, she said, “It is a process and it is a process that’s taking place in a particular political context and it has to be an Iraqi process”.


She generously said that “we have no problem and no tension with -- from our point of view with the Iranian people.” Indeed, “Iran is a great culture. ... We will continue to work to reach out to the Iranian people. We have had the Iranian wrestling team -- the American wrestling team in Iran. ... We’re going to continue those efforts.” Best two falls out of three?

The United States and Mexico share a great border

Today Bush met with Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.


“Every time I visit with the Prime Minister of our friend, Singapore,” George said, “we have a strategic dialogue. And nachos.”

I may have made up those last two words, but I have not made up his glee for all things Mexican (except actual Mexicans, of course). And today was Cinco de Mayo at the White House (as we know, George Bush does not believe in artificial timetables).


He said, “The United States and Mexico share a great border, and we share a hopeful future.” A great border?

He repeated his call for immigration reform without amnesty and without animosity and without animal crackers.

He noted, “Today, Mexican Americans in uniform answered the call to advance the cause of liberty, and this nation is really grateful for your service and your sacrifice.”

The Republican debate: all we’d need to do is plug in our TVs and have them run the country

In the Republican debate, McCain said that the war in Iraq has been “terribly mismanaged” but is now “on the right track.” So that’s okay, then.

Speaking of tracks, McCain says he personally will “follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell.” Or they could car-pool.

But he doesn’t want to be the president of a failed nation. Or a sad nation.

McCain says there is “a real threat” of Iran giving a nuclear weapon to a terrorist organization. Nonsense.

Question for all the candidates: the day Roe v Wade is repealed: great day or the greatest day in the history of the universe?

Romney (to a question on Iraq’s unpopularity): “Well, if you wanted to have a president that just followed the polls, all we’d need to do is plug in our TVs and have them run the country, but that’s not what America wants.” See, the view of the American people is that they don’t want the country to follow the views of the American people. But how does Romney know that the American people don’t want a president to follow the polls? Was there a poll that said that? Also, it’s not the tv’s that run the country, it’s a secret cabal of microwave ovens.

Romney says “This is a nation, after all, that wants a leader that’s a person of faith, but we don’t choose our leader based on which church they go to.” He hopes. Brownback, with characteristic subtlety, says that “we’re a nation of faith, as my colleague Senator Lieberman, a Jew, says.” Silliest evasion of the question, from Giuliani: Q: “Has the increased influence of Christian conservatives in your party been good for it?” MR. GIULIANI: “Sure, the increased influence of large numbers of people are always good for us.”

Romney has a rather stunning tax proposal: no tax at all on bank interest, stock dividends or capital gains.

Asked to name something the federal government does really well, Duncan Hunter said “precision munitions on Mr. Zarqawi’s safe house.”

Seven out of 10 believe in evolution. Huh. McCain adds, “But I also believe, when I hike the Grand Canyon and see it at sunset, that the hand of God is there also.” But only at sunset.

Ron Paul says he trusts the internet a lot more than mainstream media. That’s just crazy talk.

Giuliani says that during the Democratic debate, “I never remember the words ‘Islamic fundamentalist terrorism’ being spoken by any of them. ... I heard it a lot tonight.”

Tancredo tried to quote Benjamin Franklin, possibly something wise and pithy about Islamic fundamentalist terrorism, but Chris Matthews wouldn’t let him.

Caption contest:

The nation that prays together, brays together

Today is the National Day of Prayer. I just sacrificed a goat to Odin, so I’m covered. Here Bush is, praying alongside Focus on the Family’s James Dobson and his wife.



What is he praying for?

Later in the morning, he met with some clergy to discuss “comprehensive immigration reform.” But these were not the only people he talked to about this subject: “I’ve talked to people who work for corporate America -- Andy works for Marriott International, a corporation that understands that it’s very helpful, it’s in their interest to help people assimilate.” If by “assimilate” you mean clean toilets.

“I’ve talked to people that are raising families that have come from other countries, that are now U.S. citizens and understand the benefit of what it means to have learned English.” They suggested he try it some time.

He repeated his new immigration slogan about treating illegal immigrants “not with amnesty and not with animosity and not with animatronics.”

It is not understandable anymore

Harmid Karzai says he wishes American troops would stop killing quite so many Afghan civilians (including 50 or so this week in Herat province, mostly as a result of air strikes): “five years on, it is very difficult for us to continue to accept civilian casualties. It is not understandable anymore. ... It is becoming a heavy burden and we are not happy about it.” Or, to put it another way, for 5½ years he did accept thousands of civilian casualties, found them entirely understandable, considered them a light burden, and was not unhappy about them.

I’m the commander guy

Bush’s veto message on the Iraq spending bill complains: “The Congress should not use an emergency war supplemental to add billions in spending to avoid its own rules for budget discipline and the normal budget process.” Yes, heaven forbid an emergency war supplemental bill avoid the normal budget process.

This morning Bush met with Colombian Warlord Uribe, who he described as “a true democrat, a strong leader, and a friend.”


He said it is “very important for this nation to stand with democracies that protect human rights and human dignity” with, you know, amnesties for his friends in death squads, murders of union leaders, that sort of thing. The way he wants us to stand with Colombia is through a free-trade agreement. “This agreement is good for the United States. It’s good for job-creators, farmers, workers. This agreement is good for Colombia. It’s good for job-creators, and workers, and farmers.” Insert obvious cocaine joke here.

Later he met with Yemeni President Ali Abdullah “Wild Eyes” Saleh. “And we spent a lot of time talking about our mutual desire to bring radicals and murderers to justice.”


In between, he met the Associated General Contractors of America, a group of contractors who are both associated and general. Joe “The Contractor” Lieberman was there. Said Bush, “And I appreciate Senator Joe Lieberman. ... Joe Lieberman is one of these -- I would call him a unique soul who followed his conscience, stood for what he believed in, in the face of a political firestorm. And he proved that if you stand on conviction, the people will follow.” Although they will vote for someone else in the primary.


Said Bush, “I like to be in the room of builders and doers and problem solvers and entrepreneurs.” The associated general contractors, presumably, rather than Holy Joe.

And then he talked about his “new strategy” in Iraq at some length. I have a headache and need to go to my bank and yell at them shortly, so I’ll just quote: “The most important fact about our new strategy, it is fundamentally different from the previous strategy.” “The whole purpose is to secure the capital. My theory is, and it’s a good one, is that if the capital is in chaos, the country can’t -- it’s going to be difficult for the country to survive.” “What’s interesting is, is that the plan, General Petraeus’s plan, is to help build trust. And when you build trust, you end up getting people buying into a centralized government, a unity government, a country that is united.” “it’s important to measure the level of sectarian violence. If the objective is to bring security to the capital, one measurement is whether or not sectarian violence is declining. These measures are really not flashy. In other words, they’re not headline-grabbing measures. They certainly can’t compete with a car bomb or a suicide attack.”


“My attitude is, if murderers run free, it’s going to be hard to convince the people of any society that the government is worth supporting.” “The same bunch that is causing havoc in Iraq were the ones who came and murdered our citizens.”

Once again, he denied the existence of a civil war in Iraq: “The recent attacks are not the revenge killings that some have called a civil war. They are a systematic assault on the entire nation. Al Qaeda is public enemy number one in Iraq. ... For America, the decision we face in Iraq is not whether we ought to take sides in a civil war, it’s whether we stay in the fight against the same international terrorist network that attacked us on 9/11.”


Asked one of a series of not-at-all-prescreened questions (“What do I need to do, what does the media need to do to help you, so that my second cousin, and others like him, have not died or been injured in vain?” “What do you pray about, and how we can we pray for you?”), this one about how we can force the media to run positive stories about Iraq, Bush said that freedom of the press is “just something that we’ve all got to live with”.

He took a stab at defining success in Iraq: “Success is not, no violence. There are parts of our own country that have got a certain level of violence to it. But success is a level of violence where the people feel comfortable about living their daily lives.”

He spoke again against democratic civilian control of the military: “That didn’t make any sense to me, to impose the will of politicians over the recommendations of our military commanders in the field. ... The question is, who ought to make that decision? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear -- I’m the commander guy.”


“Intelligence is important,” he said, possibly ironically. “You have to know in advance that somebody’s getting ready to slide into society and kill innocent in order to achieve an objective.”

I’m with stupid.

Funds and flexibility or chaos and confusion

Bush’s little address to the nation continued the alliteration theme, demanding a bill to “provide our brave men and women in uniform with the funds and flexibility they need.”

“Instead,” he said, “members of the House and the Senate passed a bill...” (Not the actual House and Senate, just members of the House and Senate) “...that substitutes the opinions of politicians for the judgment of our military commanders.” Politicians have opinions, military commanders have judgment.

He continued, “It makes no sense...” (So politicians have opinions, but they don’t have sense) “to tell the enemy when you plan to start withdrawing. All the terrorists would have to do is mark their calendars and gather their strength”. Or gather their calendars and mark their strength.

“Setting a deadline for withdrawal is setting a date for failure”. That date was January 20, 2001.

Okay, really, I enjoy alliteration as much as the next blogger, but c’mon: “the bill would impose impossible conditions on our commanders in combat.... This is a prescription for chaos and confusion”.

He again describes the spending bill as a “political statement” and suggests “now it is time to put politics behind us,” which is actually a statement about what the Democrats should do because Bush, of course, doesn’t engage in politics himself.

He says we know the surge is working because sectarian murders are down in Baghdad although “we continue to see spectacular suicide attacks”. I’ve gone back and forth in my mind about what the Bushies are up to when they continually describe bombings as “spectacular” attacks. I think the implication is that when we pay attention to them, we are doing exactly what the terrorists want. It’s not wrong to point out that terrorism is in part show biz, but there is also an implication that the problem they pose for the US is less in terms of the actual damage they cause (what’s a few dozen more dead Iraqis more or less?) than the PR damage. Bush didn’t say “there continue to be spectacular suicide attacks,” he said “we continue to see spectacular suicide attacks”.

He adds, “These attacks are largely the work of al Qaeda -- the enemy that everyone agrees we should be fighting.” Of course what he means is that some of the terrorists call themselves Al Qaida, and have only the most tenuous connections with Osama and that lot (remember Osama, George?) (no, really, I’m really wondering: do you actually remember Osama, George? Tall guy, beard?).

He ended with one of those “why do you hate the troops?” moments that seem more despicable with every passing day: “Yet whatever our differences, surely we can agree that our troops are worthy of this funding – and that we have a responsibility to get it to them without further delay.”

The cauldron of chaos at the CENTCOM Coalition Conference

Today Bush went to Florida to address a CENTCOM Coalition Conference, an alliterative event if ever there was one.

Here he is walking to his helicopter.


Waving as he walks to his helicopter.


More waving.


Yes, I’m padding. His speech wasn’t that interesting.

In discussing Iraq, you’d almost think the mission had been accomplished four years ago, since “Our main enemy is al Qaeda and its affiliates.” We seem to be reverting to a simpler time, when Bush didn’t have to talk about Sunnis and Shiites, or know the difference. Or know that they existed.


This was a Coalition of the Willing event, so he had to alter his rhetoric to pretend that he cares about what happens in other countries: “We must defeat the enemy overseas, so we don’t have to face them in our countries.” You’ll note that whoever re-wrote that usually US-centric slogan forgot that some of the COW countries are not actually separated from the enemy by a sea.

The Iraq war is just like another war when there were a bunch of quitters: “During the Cold War, the NATO Alliance worked to liberate nations from communist tyranny, even as allies bickered, and millions marched in the streets against us, and the pundits lost hope.”


“Just as America and our allies are standing together in Afghanistan, a determined coalition is committed to winning the fight in Iraq.” He must love Afghanistan, his forgotten war: no one talks about benchmarks or timetables or exit strategies or even winning. What’s our mission in Afghanistan? Standing together.

The highlight of the speech was the return of my favorite bit of rhetoric, the “cauldron of chaos,” which is what Iraq would turn into if we pulled out of Baghdad. “Our enemy, the enemies of freedom, love chaos. Out of that chaos they could find new safe havens.” Well, safe but chaotic havens, because of the cauldron thing.


These days, he uses Colonel Combover as a human shield for everything. Look how he quotes him saying the exact things Bush has been saying literally for years: “Last week, General Petraeus called al Qaeda ‘probably public enemy number one’ in Iraq. He said that al Qaeda has made Iraq ‘the central front in their global campaign.’” Bush has so little credibility left that if he told Laura the sky is blue, she’d ask if General Petraeus also thinks the sky is blue.

He told the representatives of the COW countries, “Thank you for helping the liberated.”

The height of cynicism

At today’s Gaggle, Dana Perino castigated the Democrats for sending up the Iraq spending bill on Mission Accomplished Day: “it is a trumped-up political stunt that is the height of cynicism”. How dare they use the anniversary of Bush’s trumped-up political stunt for a trumped-up political stunt! How dare they!

A very Chimpy Mission Accomplished Day

Four years, how time flies when you’re having fun. Here are the comments I made at the time:

Just watched Bush’s little smirk-and-swagger-a-thon, on board a carrier, no less. They’re going to divert the path of the carrier so that Bush can take a helicopter from it to San Diego, so all in all a pretty expensive campaign ad. We should be thankful he didn’t give the speech in the flight suit he was wearing earlier, which I thought was very Michael-Dukakis-in-a-tank, although a middle-aged man in a suit and tie on an aircraft carrier is also pretty silly-looking.


“We have difficult work to do in Iraq,” he said, but then he considers tying his shoes difficult work and has never mastered the pronunciation of nuclear, so perhaps his definition of what constitutes difficult work is not everyone’s. Again he referred to the military as the “highest calling.” In your face, doctors and teachers! He said that Saddam built palaces instead of hospitals and schools. Of course now the hospitals are all looted, and the US military is occupying both the palaces and the schools, and this week shot up a crowd of people [in Falluja] who wanted their school back, so possibly that wasn’t the best choice of words. He also tried hard to link the war to terrorism, still without offering any proof of the alliance of Iraq with al Qaida, which he mentioned yet again.

“The war on terror is not over; yet it is not endless. We do not know the day of final victory, but...” yadda yadda. The problem is that he is treating the “war on terror” as if it were a traditional war, with a “day of final victory,” but fighting terrorism is at least as much like a police problem, no more winnable than the war on drugs or the war on muggings.

One problem with treating this as a traditional war is that it encourages racist responses. Let’s see if I can explain that. The Bushies are encouraging us to think of terrorists as if they were a nationality, as if they all came from one (evil) place that can be bombed, when they are in fact a dispersed group of people with diverse origins (the Brits are currently trying to figure out how they produced their very first suicide bomber), and diverse ideologies. We’re being encouraged to think of them instead as an ethnic or national group, and the only ethnic group that most of them are is Arab.

I was right about Bush’s visit to the carrier being expensive, but it also kept the sailors from their homes by an extra day, after the longest deployment of a US carrier in 30 years.

Condi won’t be rude. She’s not a rude person.

Friday Kurt Vonnegut’s son delivered a commencement speech his father had written and was going to deliver at Butler University. Has anyone seen the full text online?

Today George Bush met with German Chancellor Merkel, European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso, and MOEzilla, a robot “designed to quickly hang tubes in autonomous and human control periods on all three spider leg levels.” It’s less clear what Barroso does all day. Bush did not try to give MOEzilla a back-rub. MOEzilla gave George an inflatable ring. If I call a competition to decide what Bush should do with the inflatable ring, will I regret it?



Bush told reporters that in passing the Iraq spending bill, Congress “chose to ignore” his position. He seems to think that’s rude in a way that his constant veto threats and dismissals of Congress’s position are not.

Indeed, it was all about good manners today. He says that Russia simply misunderstood our intentions to base missile defense systems in Eastern Europe, and he wants it not to “see us as an antagonistic force, but see us as a friendly force.”


And indeed, we will display our very best manners even towards the Iranians. For example, at the Iraq conference, “Should the foreign minister of Iran bump into Condi Rice, Condi won’t be rude. She’s not a rude person. I’m sure she’ll be polite.” There may even be a non-serious conversation about a serious conversation: “And so I -- if, in fact, there is a conversation, it will be one that says if the Iranian government wants to have a serious conversation with the United States and others, they ought to give up their enrichment program in a verifiable fashion.”

He said the Iranian nuclear program is “unacceptable to peace.” “I happen to believe a significant threat to world peace, today and in the future, is the Iranian threat if they were to end up with a nuclear weapon -- ‘today’ is the wrong word -- ‘in the future,’ they don’t have a weapon today.” Phew.


He said that Wolfowitz should keep his job. “And I appreciate the fact that he has advanced -- he’s helped the World Bank recognize that eradication of world poverty is an important priority for the bank.” That has kinda supposed to have been one of its priorities since 1945, George. It’s in the charter and everything.

He explained carefully why global warming (which he says “got global consequences”) can’t be solved by the US alone: “As I reminded the people around the conference table today, the United States could shut down our economy and emit no greenhouse gases, and all it would take is for China in about 18 months to produce as much as we had been producing to make up the difference about what we reduced our greenhouse gases to.” Pity the poor translators. But, he said, “The good news is, is that we recognize there’s a problem.” And he had even more good news: “The good news is recognize technology is going to lead to solutions, and that we’re willing to share those technologies.” For example, technologies like robots which can trap all the greenhouse gases in inflatable rings. That’s so crazy it might just work.

I think it’s a complete misreading of how, certainly, I read the slam dunk comment

Condi hit a bunch of talk shows this morning: CNN, ABC, and CBS. I’ll mix & match quotes.

On the decision to invade Iraq:

BLITZER: But did it represent an imminent threat, the fact that he was violating the oil-for-food?

RICE: The question with imminence is, are you in a situation whether you’re better to act now, or are you going to be in a worse situation later? That’s the question that you have to ask in policy.

(And along the same lines on ABC: “George, the question of imminence isn’t whether or not somebody is going to strike tomorrow.”)

Obviously, that is not “the question with imminence.” Arguably, she is just repeating the outline of the old “smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud” line with the WMD content removed, humming it instead of singing it, if you will.

We’re talking about this again, of course, because of George Tenet’s book. She generously forgave him for the “slam dunk” wording: “I certainly don’t blame George for the slam dunk comment having the sense that that was the reason we went to war. I think it’s a complete misreading of how, certainly, I read the slam dunk comment.” Indeed, “To the degree that there was an intelligence problem here... It was an intelligence problem worldwide. We all thought -- including U.N. inspectors -- that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. So there’s no blame here of anyone.” Everyone’s to blame so no one’s to blame. Isn’t that conveeeeenient? Especially since one of the people she is absolving of blame is the national security adviser at the time, who was herself.

I’m not sure what to make of this, but she refers to Clinton’s bombing of Iraq in “Operation Desert Fox” thus: “we had gone to war against him in 1998 to try to deal with his weapons of mass destruction.”

On benchmarks in the Iraq spending bill: “But the problem is, why tie our own hands in using the means that we have to help get the right outcomes in Iraq? And that’s the problem with having so-called consequences for missing the benchmarks.” That “so-called” literally makes no sense: they’re not so-called consequences, they’re actual consequences. She just doesn’t think consequences for failure are a good idea (and if you had her record, neither would you). Indeed, the threat of withdrawal would be “to tie our own hands, [which] doesn’t allow us the flexibility and the creativity that we need to move this forward.” But enough about your sex life, Condi.

What? You weren’t thinking the same thing?


Speaking of flexibility and creativity, the two attributes the Bush administration is best known for, here is how Condi says the Iraqis will be punished if they fail to complete the oil-revenue-sharing law: “If they don’t, then they’re not going to be making the kind of progress on national reconciliation that gives the Iraqis a view of a future together.” Way to light a fire under their asses, Condi!

But, again, enough about Condi’s sex life.


Not that this refusal of timetables means our patience is unlimited, oh no, it just can’t be measured in time, or something. “We are telling them all of the time that their national reconciliation is moving too slowly, needs to move more quickly.” She’d make a great marriage counselor, wouldn’t she? But actually what I think you can see in that sentence is that the Bushies are coming to define reconciliation in Iraq not as actual, you know, reconciliation, but as the passage of a few legislative measures: oil revenues, local elections, un-de-Baathification. If and when those measures go through, the Bushies plan to declare reconciliation complete.

Literally, not figuratively, restoring America’s place in the world

A reminder that the effects of any war are felt for a very long time indeed: former British army corporal Leslie Croft has just died as a result of an injury sustained from a shell blast in 1943.

The Iraq situation has certainly created a new range of business opportunities for people with entrepreneurial spirit. Case in point: people who race to the scenes of bombings and, pretending to be medics (indeed, some of them actually are), make off with the corpses of victims and hold them for ransom.

The NYT referred today to remarks made by Bush in a January meeting with Congressional leaders which I don’t seem to have caught at the time. 1) “I said to Maliki this has to work or you’re out.” You have to wonder if he really said that to Maliki in those words. You also have to wonder what the congresscritters said. 2) Asked why he thought the surge would work, Bush responded, “Because it has to.” You have to wonder if he believes that’s actually some sort of logical argument.

Sigh, no you don’t.

At the California Democratic Party convention today, Hillary Clinton called Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” Day four years ago “one of the most shameful episodes in American history. ... The only mission he accomplished was the re-election of Republicans.” To which Bush no doubt responded, “Yeah, and your point is?”

And Joe Biden said that the American people are “looking for someone literally, not figuratively, to restore America’s place in the world.” North America, right? In between Mexico and that nice country with all the hockey?

Sorry, I hate it when people say literally when they don’t mean literally.

And Barack Obama said something about how he would “turn the page” on Iraq. While I don’t know what that actually means, after 6 years of Bush it’s refreshing to see someone using a book metaphor.

Relaxed but strategic

Maliki has evidently rescinded his demand that the work on the Dubya Wall be halted, and it has resumed.

A good E.J. Dionne piece on the Bushies’ denigration of legitimate disagreement with their policies as partisan politics.

Bush met today with Japan’s nationalist PM Shinzo Abe. Said Bush, “Our talks were very relaxed, but they were strategic.”

Abe will soon be traveling to the Middle East. Said Bush, “I will remind him he’ll be traveling into an important region”. George is nothing if not informative.

“I’m absolutely convinced the Japanese people will be better off when they eat American beef,” he said mysteriously.

Talking about the environment and energy, he said that “there’s a lot of work that Japan and the United States can do together” on nuclear energy. Somehow I don’t have the heart today to make a Hiroshima crack.

Abe talked about the North Korean abduction of Japanese citizens, after making another clarification of his remarks on “comfort women” that used a lot of passive voice and didn’t quite acknowledge the abduction of Korean, Chinese and other women by the Japanese army. Bush said of the abductions that he will work “to get this issue resolved in a way that touches the human heart”. On comfort women, Bush said, “I accept the Prime Minister’s apology.” He accepts? I didn’t know Bush was a comfort woman. It would explain a lot.

A reporter named Deb (AP’s Deb Reichmann, I believe) managed to be stupider than Bush, who she accused of having gone soft on North Korea, thinking he’d said he had unlimited patience with its government (Bush had, in an admittedly rare correct use of the double negative, said his patience was “not unlimited”) and not having the wit to wonder if she’d maybe misheard him.

Asked about the Iraq spending bill, Bush said he will veto it “because members of Congress have made military decisions on behalf of the military”. When precisely did the US military declare independence from the US? “I’m just envisioning what it would be like to be a young soldier in the middle of Iraq and realizing that politicians have all of the sudden made military determinations.” “Mission accomplished,” anyone? And since when is Bush himself not a politician?

“I’m sorry it’s come to this. In other words, I’m sorry that we’ve had this, you know, the issue evolve the way it has.” He threatened Congress not to “test my will” over timetables, adding, “In other words, I don’t like tests.” (I may have made that last bit up.) He did say, reaching out to Democrats by implying they had only temporarily gone insane, “I think we can come to our senses and make sure that we get the money to the troops in a timely fashion.” We?