Everything you need to know about the Democratic debate

CNN’s deputy political director Paul Steinhauser reports this on CNN’s blog on the Democratic debate: “MANCHESTER, New Hampshire (CNN) — You didn’t see it on TV, but Dennis Kucinich just dropped his pen. The congressman from Cleveland quickly bent down and quietly picked it up. I doubt any tv cameras caught him in the act, but we did. Call it a quick comeback by Kucinich to reclaim his pen.”

I’m recording it and may even watch it and might possibly even blog about it later, but now that you know about the pen thing, really, isn’t the suspense ruined?

I’d do lots of things

WIIIAI in exile, day 3. Now I know what RCTV feels like.

From the Haditha hearings yesterday, possibly the most nauseating sentence yet, from Major Sam Carrasco: “Why would we leave one of our fallen angels out in the street unless you’ve had a lot of contact?” The argument he’s making is that the fact that the Marines didn’t remove the body of the, um, fallen angel who was killed by the IED proved that they believed they really were in a firefight with insurgents. Alternately, it proves that they gave a higher priority to exacting revenge.

Fred Thompson has been doing interviews. Asked by the AP what his priorities as president would be, he responded “I’d do lots of things.” He did not elaborate. And he told the NYT that he’s just testing the waters about entering the Republican primary, but “The waters feel pretty warm, to tell you the truth.” Must... not... make... McCain... incontinence... joke...

A spitting contest, and the Iraq War. But I repeat myself.

Injury of the Week: “A 43-year-old German man was taken by helicopter to hospital in a critical condition after he fell off a second-storey balcony during a spitting contest with his 12-year-old son. The man lost his balance after thrusting too far forward, according to police.” (Reuters)

A point I’ve made repeatedly about the Haditha massacre cover-up, is that the military higher-up’s decided not to look too closely at the story that the civilians were all caught in cross-fire ignored the fact that that story came only after the first story, that they’d been killed by an IED, fell apart. Now we find out that many were not killed by grenades as Marines “cleared” houses, as was previously reported, but were shot execution-style, close enough to leave powder burns.

Haditha residents tried several times to inform the US military what had really happened. One did so the day after the massacre to a Capt. James Haynie, who “explained to him that whoever had told him this had lied, that Marines do not execute innocent civilians.” Haynie was the battalion’s... wait for it... “information” officer.

Acting democratically

Seems like not much more than a century that we were at war with Spain over who got to tell the Cubans what to do. And today Condi Rice was is in Spain, which she chided for not shunning Cuba like the anti-democratic pariah it is. En route, she told reporters, “I think democratic states have an obligation to act democratically, meaning, to support opposition in Cuba.” “Acting democratically,” is that what they’re calling it these days?

She also met the king, who she said “obviously is an important historic figure in the role that he played in allowing the transition of Spain from authoritarianism to dictatorship.” The transcript explains that she meant to say democracy, but I suspect that little glitch arose because she couldn’t remember the current official position on Francisco Franco, a dictator the US supported. Might get that straightened out before the plane lands and you start lecturing Spain about acting democratically, Condi.

In Spain, she held a joint press conference with Spanish Foreign Minister Miguel Moratinos, shown in this not-at-all-awkward picture,


and in this I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-is-going-on picture,


who said that he thought that over time Condi would become more convinced that the Spanish approach could work. According to the AP, “As Moratinos continued to speak, she looked at the crowd of reporters and silently mouthed what appeared to be the phrase, ‘Don’t hold your breath.’” Our chief diplomat, ladies and gentlemen.

From that press conference, here’s Condi pleasantly responding to a question,


but as scary as that picture was, I think if you stare at this next one for several seconds, you’ll agree that it’s quite a bit more disturbing.


If you accidentally looked at that picture for more than a few seconds, breathe steadily, in through the nose, out through the mouth, and click here.

Bush calls no fair

Bush on the immigration bill: “If you want to kill a bill, then you just go around America saying, this is amnesty. In other words, there are some words that illicit strong reactions from our fellow citizens. ... For those who call it amnesty, they’re just trying to, in my judgment, frighten people about the bill.” And if there’s one thing George Bush cannot abide, it’s politicians using words that illicit strong reactions in order to frighten people.

So many stupid Bush quotes, I can’t choose one for the post title, I love them all equally

Bush will be traveling to Europe soon, so he did a
bunch of quicky interviews with the European press yesterday.

“I am looking forward to my democracy speech,” he said. “I feel very strongly that the United States must take the lead in promoting democracy around the world -- even in places where it may not look like it could -- that it’s very hospitable, because I believe, ultimately, it is hospitable.”

He pooh poohed Pooty Poot’s objections to missile defense systems being installed in Eastern Europe: “My friend, Vladimir Putin, is making this to be a case where somehow this is going to jeopardize relations in Europe”. Somehow? You do know that the president of Russia has some say over the state of relations in Europe, don’t you? “The reason one advocates and works for a missile defense system is to protect free peoples from the launch of a missile from a hostile regime. Russia is not hostile. Russia is a friend.” Quod erat demonstrandum. “He thinks it’s aimed at him. It’s not. It’s aimed at rogue regimes that would use a missile to achieve political objective or to create unrest.” And in another interview: “and my personal message to Vladimir Putin is, there’s no need to try to relive the Cold War. It’s over. And we don’t view Russia as an enemy. We view Russia as an opportunity to work together.” And he castigated his old enemy, Mr. Some: “you know, some have suggested, well, there’s no need to have relations with Russia. Well, I strongly disagree with that.”

He also assured Poland that stationing Star Wars systems there won’t put it in danger: “I don’t view Poland as being under any military threat. I would hope the Polish people don’t, either. Obviously, there are differences you have with Russia over meat, and I’m very aware of that.” Very very aware.

He’s going to see the pope, who he called “His Holy Father.” “Sometimes I’m not poetic enough to describe what it’s like to be in the presence of the Holy Father. It is a moving experience. And I have not been in the presence of this particular Holy Father.”

He wants to talk to the pope about Cuba. He says that when Castro dies, “the world ought to work for freedom, not stability” and for “elections and free press, free prisoners.”

He wants to talk to the pope about China. “I would remind him that I have been to church in China, and actually found it to be a spiritual experience. It wasn’t, like, fake; it was real.”

He will also see Italian Prime Minister Prodi. “I can remember, fondly remember riding my mountain bike as hard as I could as he was jogging along the beaches in Georgia, needling him on the way by -- a sign of close friendship.” With Chimpy there’s a thin line between close friendship and bullying assholery. Speaking of bullying assholery: “He’s having to make difficult decisions in Afghanistan and I hope my visit will help boost his courage in doing the right thing in Afghanistan.”

Says former German Chancellor Schröder’s criticisms of the Iraq war “didn’t cause me to say, well, Germany isn’t worthy as a worthy ally.”

But Angela Merkel is better, of course: “she’s the kind of person that can get a fellow to talk freely and candidly”. Ewwww.

On energy: “My goal is to make us nearly totally independent from foreign sources of oil. And that ought to be the goal of a nation that worries from sole-source supplier, that you ought to figure out different ways to do it.”

An Albanian tv interviewer asked, “What is the reason of including Albania in this European tour this time?” Bush: “That’s a fascinating question. First of all, I want to make sure the Albanian people understand that America knows that you exist”.

Asked about whether there was a Plan B for Kosovo when Russia inevitably vetoes the plan for independence, Bush reflexively responded, “Well, plan A is to try to make plan A work.” I don’t think anyone’s explained the whole “veto” thing to him, or at least that other people than himself have the power to veto things. He also complained that the reporter was “asking me to think hypothetically.” Chimpy brain hurt.

Speaking of thinking hypothetically, he said of Iraq, “I think the people will look back 50 years from now and say, oh, I understand now why they were doing what they were doing, because democracies and liberties help yield peace”. It’s sort of the opposite of a Friedman Unit, isn’t it, the period of time it will take for everyone to understand what a genius Bush was.

Unfortunate

It’s always nice to have the moral high-ground, isn’t it? Condi Rice was asked by a reporter about the possibility of exchanging Haleh Esfandiari and the other Iranian-Americans arrested by Iran for the 5 Iranians seized in Iraq in January. She said, “the two are simply not linked,” calling the arrests of the former “a perversion of the rule of law.” Whereas the latter, of course, have been held according to no rule or law, so there can hardly be a perversion of the rule of law, now can there?

Some testimony from the Haditha Massacre hearings was just released. Lt. Alexander Martin looked on the bright side: after the massacre, he said, Haditha residents became more cooperative, offering tips about IEDs. That’ll happen when you slaughter 24 innocent civilians in response to an IED. And Lt. Max Frank testified that when he arrived on the scene, he thought it was “unfortunate” but hadn’t been done on purpose. He was told by Lt. Adam Mathes, who we have seen before talking about the enemy’s disregard for human life, wanted the Marines not to issue an apology, arguing that “the best way to explain this to the Iraqi people” would be to tell them, “It’s an unfortunate thing that happens when you let terrorists use your house to attack our troops.” Let’s make this very plain: he wanted to tell Iraqis that what happened in Haditha, a lethal mass reprisal against civilians in response to an attack on American soldiers, is American policy.

We are determined to benchmarks

Bush and Iraqi President Talabani met this afternoon, and exchanged remarks in their common language, broken English.


Talabani agreed with everything Bush said, including that the main problem in Iraq is Al Qaida. Also, those benchmark things. Bush: “I told the President that I’m fully committed to helping the Iraqi government achieve important objectives, we call them benchmarks”. Talabani: “we are determined to benchmarks”.

You’d talk funny too if these guys were watching you while you spoke.


This morning, Bush spoke to the United States Global Leadership Council, whatever that might be, about helping the poor people of the world by bringing them into the joys of globalized capitalism. “If you’re interested in helping the poor people, you ought to be for trade and opening up markets for their goods and services.” He gave as an example of such a success story a Malagasy village which used to make charcoal out of firewood, presumably for the heating and cooking needs of other poor villagers, but is now selling something the world economy values so much more, “a natural oil used in skin care products.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “We’re focusing increased American assistance for developing nations on three key goals -- in other words, we have some goals, we’re not just going to spend money.

K-i-s-s-i-n-g

Poll:

Which is more disturbing?
	Elmo in a three-way with Jenna and Not-Jenna?
	George exercising a little "global leadership" of his own?
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It means you trust you

Crime of the week: “A manager at a fast-food restaurant was shot several times in the arm early Tuesday trying to protect the chili sauce, authorities said.”

Headline of the week: “Italian Doctor Builds New, More Natural Vagina.” (If you build it, they will come.) (Sorry.)

The Malaysian supreme court ruled that, despite a theoretical freedom of religion in the constitution, a woman who converted to Christianity (and renamed herself Lina Joy) is still legally a Muslim whether she likes it or not. Said one of the court’s judges, “She cannot simply, at her own whim [the BBC translation is “at whim and fancy”], enter or leave her religion. She must follow rules.” Which would require her to get a sharia court to issue a certificate of apostasy.

By the way, I so want a certificate of apostasy.

The little detail left out of many of the news stories about this case (which make it sound as if the only issue is how she is identified on her identity card) is that the reason Ms. Joy set out on her seven-year journey through the Malaysian legal system (some of which she had to spend in hiding) because she wanted to marry a fellow Catholic, and “Muslims” are only allowed to marry Muslims.

The Taliban shot down their first foreign helicopter in a couple of years today, killing 5 American military personnel and two non-American passengers.

Bush spoke to a reception of the New Joisey Republican Committee tonight. He said, “I believe you win elections by telling the people what you believe, not necessarily what they want to hear.” So he told them that he believes in tax cuts: “If you believe in cutting taxes, it means you trust you to spend your money better than the government can.”

He believes you have to kill terrorists: “Oh, I know there’s a big debate about how to deal with these folks. I will just tell you my view. You can’t ration [sic] with them. You can’t compromise with them.”

On Iraq: “I had to choose between allowing the sectarian violence that was beginning to get out of hand to continue to foster...” Or even adopt. “I believe that if we allowed the sectarian violence to rage in that young democracy, it could create chaos”. Ya think? “And a knowing enemy realized there was being progress -- progress was being made, and they want to stop it.”

This was Bush before the speech:


This was him after the speech, possibly auditioning for the part of Billy Flynn in a revival of “Chicago.”


And where were the Bush women? Er...


Jenna and Elmo are color-coordinated. Also, if she drinks just one more cosmo, he is so getting lucky tickled tonight.

And if you can see progress in war that means you’re headed in the right direction

Joe Lieberman is in Iraq, nattily attired.


He told (video) a reporter, “Overall, I would say what I see here today is progress, significant progress from the last time I was here in December. And if you can see progress in war that means you’re headed in the right direction.” She chose to ask him about the high number of American troops deaths (which he says are “high this month,” as if it’s a momentary blip and they were not high last month and the month before that, and says are because the military is “out in the city and other cities but particularly in the capital city, and we’re having a positive effect”), so she didn’t ask him what form this significant progress that he claims to have seen takes. In the past, for example, he has declared satellite dishes proof of progress.

Another Republican candidate for president and what’re the odds it would be another rich white guy? Really, what’re the odds? I speak of course of Fred Thompson, the poor man’s Joe Don Baker.

Bush has named Robert Zoellick to run the World Bank. In his announcement, Bush praised capitalism: “Some call this globalization; I call it the triumph of human liberty”. But, Bush notes, there are a billion people in the world living on less than $1 a day. Zoellick, he says, is “committed to doing something about it.” Translate it into Italian lire, for example. Bush thinks all that poverty is because there isn’t enough globalization triumph of human liberty, not enough domination of local economies by multi-national corporations.

Bush followed up with a five-year plan for AIDS, a “modern-day plague.” You know the word modern is meant to compare it to biblical plagues rather than, say, medieval ones. In fact, I leave it as an exercise for the reader to count how the number of biblical allusions in Bush’s announcement. “Despairing families who had lost everything to AIDS started to believe that they had been cursed by the Almighty God,” he said. But that was before George Bush’s AIDS initiative, of course. “Once again, the generosity of the American people is one of the great untold stories of our time.” Evidently, an HIV diagnosis is no longer a death sentence in Africa. Anyway, he wants Congress to approve $6 billion a year for the next five years. This money would be spent through a program that requires that 7% be wasted on abstinence propaganda. Bush said that Laura will be going to Africa soon. “I really thank her for her concern about HIV/AIDS. She and I share a passion.” Dude, forget spending money on abstinence, just tell them about how you and Laura share a passion. That’ll put them right off the whole idea of sex.

Then he played with a four-year old South African boy (I don’t think he has HIV, but his mother does).


Baron Misoma Loyiso Tantoh tries to teach Chimpy how to walk.

“No, George, your other right leg.”

Our collateral damage allowance is zero

Chavez gave another of those speeches which every broadcaster was required to transmit, in which he offered a little media criticism to the last remaining opposition network, or as he called them, “enemies of the homeland”: “I recommend they take a tranquiliser, that they slow down, because if not, I’m going to slow them down.” Globovision covered the protests against the closing of RCTV or, as Chavez is calling them, “this new fascist attack.” In its first day, the state-run TVES which replaced RCTV evidently aired an anti-capitalist Pinocchio cartoon. The mind boggles.

Saw a bit of TVES on YouTube, though not the Pinocchio bit. Those Venezuelans do love to roll their R’s, don’t they?

Brig. Gen. Bill Hyatt, the highest US Air Force officer in Afghanistan, says that they really do try not to bomb too many civilians. “Our collateral damage allowance is zero.” He added, “If we’ve got bad guys but all of a sudden there’s a school next door and there are kids next door, we’re not going to bomb.” In my experience, schools don’t generally materialize all of a sudden next door. Possibly it’s an Afghan thing.

Also in Afghanistan, our Military Name of the Week, a Dutch NATO commander: Major General Ton van Loon. Oh, I’m sure his is a distinguished, even hallowed name in the Netherlands, but outside of it... well, just see if this sounds authoritative to you: “‘If you don’t have a comprehensive approach in Afghanistan, you will not make progress,’ van Loon said.”

Think about a system in which there’s tremendous document forgery

US ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker met with the Iranian ambassador to Iraq, and afterwards complained about Iranian interference in its neighbor: “Right now their actions are running at cross purposes to their stated policy.” And the US’s stated policy in Iraq is to create democracy, reconciliation and end terrorism, so what’s your point?

At the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Georgia, Bush gave yet another speech about immigration reform, a plan without amnesty, without animosity, and without anemones, a plan which “makes it more likely we can enforce our border and, at the same time, uphold the great traditions of -- immigrant traditions of the United States of America.” Cleaning toilets is just one of those immigrant traditions.

He claimed again that the reduced number of arrests of illegal border-crossers proves that the border is better defended. As we know, he said the same thing when the number of arrests went up.

The current system isn’t working, he says. “Think about a system in which there’s tremendous document forgery.” Yeah, think about it. Are you thinking about it?

See if this argument sounds at all familiar: “And my answer to the skeptics is, give us a chance to fix the problems in a comprehensive way that enforces our border and treats people with decency and respect. Give us a chance to fix this problem. Don’t try to kill this bill before it gets moving. Give us a chance to make it easier for the folks who wear the uniform along our borders to do their job.” Yes, and David Petraeus will report back in September...


He asked, “Who wants to pay a coyote hundreds of dollars, or thousands of dollars, when you can walk across, and say, I’m going to have a temporary job here in this country, and here’s my tamper -- my tamper-resistant card?” That may be a rhetorical question. Or a riddle.

He said, “Oh, I’m sure you’ve heard some of the talk out there about people defining the bill. It’s clear they hadn’t read the bill. They’re speculating about what the bill says, and they’re trying to rile up people’s emotions.” George, of course, has read every page, every clause, every footnote.

“This bill is not an amnesty bill. If you want to scare the American people, what you say is, the bill is an amnesty bill. It’s not an amnesty bill. That’s empty political rhetoric, trying to frighten our fellow citizens.” And if there’s one thing George Bush hates...

Indeed, to stay in the country, “illegal workers must admit they violated the law and pay a meaningful penalty, pass a strict background check, hold a job, maintain a clean record, and eventually earn English -- learn English. That’s how it works.” Earn... English... oh, just too damned easy. “If you want to be a citizen, you pay a fine, you touch base home to apply for a green card....” Wait, it’s Calvinball, isn’t it?

This Doesn’t End Here

RCTV indeed went off the air, replaced, literally, by songs of praise to Hugo Chavez. He is now going after Globovision for showing footage of the 1981 assassination attempt on the pope accompanied by the Ruben Blades song “Have Faith, This Doesn’t End Here.” Obviously, that incites assassination against Chavez (well, not that obvious: the Communications Ministry hired some “experts” to tell them that was the message being sent). Also, he’s accusing CNN of hostile intent, demonstrated by the order in which it showed several stories, so that a picture of Chavez was followed by one of an Al Qaida leader and one of demonstrations in China, in order to “associate the image of Chavez with that of violence and death.” Legal action will be taken against CNN and Globovision.

By the way, not renewing a license is one thing, but the government also seized RCTV equipment, transmitters and such, for the use by the state-run replacement station. I’m not sure how that’s legal.

Bush made a speech about Darfur this morning. “For too long,” he said, “the people of Darfur have suffered at the hands of a government that is complicit in the bombing, murder, and rape of innocent civilians.” Too long? What would the optimal time have been? “My administration has called these actions by their rightful name: genocide.” They had to convince GeeDubya that “genocide” didn’t have anything to do with I Dream of Jeannie, but I think we can all applaud the difficult achievement of getting Chimpy to call anything by its rightful name. “The world,” he says, “has a responsibility to help put an end to it.” So he will totally, um, bar some Sudanese individuals and companies from the US financial system. Problem solved.

Memorial Day: under attack and underestimated

Bush gave a Memorial Day speech at Arlington today. What a way to ruin a nice spring day. These speeches always piss me off, but today I’m thinking it’s a bit hypocritical to be pissed off only with Bush and not also just a little bit with the people who are taken in by his lies, even if they are dead war heroes, like Marine Sgt. Marc Golczynski, who Bush cited in his speech, who thought he was being a better father to his 8-year-old son Christian (“We are warriors, and as warriors have done before us we fight and sometimes die so our families do not have to”) by volunteering for a second tour in Iraq, where he was killed in March, than by helping him with his homework, giving him advice about girls (or whatever), cheering him at his high school graduation, etc. People like Bush told him he was, he believed it, and he was wrong. Also, while Bush twice quoted soldiers saying they were fighting so their children wouldn’t have to, we know that for Bush withdrawing from Iraq before Christian Golczynski reaches military age is just an artificial timetable.


Bush said, “As before in our history, Americans find ourselves under attack and underestimated. Our enemies long for our retreat. They question our moral purpose. They doubt our strength of will.” The sentence about questioning our moral purpose is kind of snuck in there, as one of the ways in which we are mis-under attack and misunderestimated: they simply don’t understand and don’t acknowledge that we are morally superior to them, and the sooner they get it through their thick skulls, the better.

As in all Bush Memorial Day speeches, he insisted that the best way to honor his war dead is to make more of them: “Our duty is to ensure that its outcome justifies the sacrifices made by those who fought and died in it.”

Then all that remained was to look all squinty and somber-like and not at all like he had anything to feel guilty or ashamed about.

Tell me exactly what they feel angry about

John McCain says there is no Plan B for Iraq, which is okay because “I believe that General Eisenhower didn’t have a Plan B at Normandy, and I don’t think that General Grant had a Plan B when he decided to take Richmond,” adding, “or General Custer at Little Bighorn, or my uncle Elmer when he stuck that fork in a toaster (poor Uncle Elmer) or...”

Right-wing tv station RCTV will be pulled from the air in Venezuela as of midnight after 54 years on the air, as Hugo Chavez had announced taunted. Chavez explained that this wasn’t about ensuring that no other voice than his is heard, in a speech yesterday that was, er, carried compulsorily by every tv station: “That television station became a threat to the country, so I decided not to renew the licence because it’s my responsibility.” So that’s okay then.

Tony Blair, in an op-ed piece in the Sunday Times, also finds a grave threat to his country: an outdated attachment to liberty. “We have chosen as a society to put the civil liberties of the suspect, even if a foreign national, first. I happen to believe this is misguided and wrong. ... Over the past five or six years, we have decided as a country that except in the most limited of ways, the threat to our public safety does not justify changing radically the legal basis on which we confront this extremism.” He also blames Parliament and the courts, but clearly it is the failure of the British people themselves, “as a society” and “as a country,” to prioritize security over what he calls “traditional civil liberties” that he finds most galling. They must be a great disappointment to him.

Blair blames the courts for not allowing him to deport foreign nationals “who were either engaged in or inciting extremism.” Note the intentional vagueness of the term extremism: does he mean people who take extreme actions or who hold extreme ideas? In fact, only people who still believe in those quaint traditional civil liberties continue to make such distinctions. Tony certainly doesn’t.

While he is also willing to put British extremists under surveillance and order limits on their activities, he finds foreigners especially dangerous because of “the ideas they import from abroad.” Blair would like to deport any Johnny Foreigner who “imports” ideas no matter the risk of torture or murder he faces: “if he... abuses our hospitality and threatens us, I feel he should take his chance back in his own home country.”

Tony then tells a story of being stopped by some anonymous muddle-headed type who blamed terrorism on the invasion and occupation of Muslim countries. Blair responded, “tell me exactly what they feel angry about.” After all, “we” removed two brutal dictatorships and replaced them with democracies. “And the only reason it is difficult still is because other Muslims are using terrorism to try to destroy the fledgling democracy and, in doing so, are killing fellow Muslims. What’s more, British troops are risking their lives trying to prevent the killing. Why should anyone feel angry about us?” Yup, it’s a complete fucking mystery all right, Tony.

Blind, prideful hatred

To kick off Memorial Day weekend, Bush went to the naval hospital in Bethesda yesterday to visit Marines injured in Iraq. This is Corp. Ryan Dion, who played soccer in high school.


This is Priv. Arturo Weber (football, decathlon), 20, shot in the abdomen and hand, requiring several operations. Chimpy seems to think he’s at a Quincinera or something.


And today, Cheney spoke to the West Point commencement. He told them, “As Army officers on duty in the war on terror, you will now face enemies who oppose and despise everything you know to be right, every notion of upright conduct and character, and every belief you consider worth fighting for and living for. Capture one of these killers, and he’ll be quick to demand the protections of the Geneva Convention and the Constitution of the United States.” And he won’t get them. Your point, Mr. Vice President?


He explained why the graduates will soon be enjoying the pleasures of an Iraqi summer: “America is fighting this enemy in Iraq because that is where they have gathered.” Gosh, I think there may be something faulty about that logic, but I just can’t put my finger on it...

Cheney explained that “to prevail in the long run, we must remove the conditions that inspire such blind, prideful hatred that drove 19 men to get onto airplanes and come to kill us on 9/11.” Dude, you’re against blind, prideful hatred now? You’re the guy who’s kept going only by blind, prideful hatred, the blood of newborn infants, and occasionally shooting somebody in the face.


Oh, if you’re wondering, the conditions that inspired that BPH against the US were evidently that we weren’t intervening militarily in the Middle East enough.

He said, “The war on terror does not have to be an endless war.” That prospect probably explains the dour expression on his face.


He told the graduates: “I give you this assurance on behalf of the President: you soldier for him, and he will soldier for you.” Unless there’s a game on, or some brush that needs clearing, of course.

John “The Maverik” McCain: hak politician

The McCain campaign (McCampaign?) has sent a flurry of emails today, including today’s “Fun Facts about John McCain”: 1) His wife likes NASCAR. 2) “At the Naval Academy, Sen. McCain earned the nickname ‘John Wayne McCain’ due to his fun-loving reputation.”

But mostly, McCain engaged in a war of words against Clinton and Obama, who “embrace[d] the policy of surrender by voting against funds to support our brave men and women fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. This vote may win favor with MoveOn and liberal primary voters, but it’s the equivalent of waving a white flag to al Qaeda.”

Obama responded, saying that the policy in Iraq is not working, “And if there ever was a reflection of that it’s the fact that Senator McCain required a flack jacket, ten armored Humvees, two Apache attack helicopters, and 100 soldiers with rifles by his side to stroll through a market in Baghdad just a few weeks ago.”

McCain shot back with devastating accuracy, saying that he knew lots more about military shit than Obama, because he talks to generals and was in a war and stuff, and “By the way, Senator Obama, it’s a ‘flak’ jacket, not a ‘flack’ jacket.”

---

This blog will be open for business over the Memorial Day weekend, assuming there’s anything to blog about, but many won’t. Some of you (and you know who you are) are no doubt terrified by the prospect that this dearth of online material will force you to shut off your computers and go outside. As a public service, may I suggest some alternative online activities: 1) porn, 2) animation produced by the National Film Board of Canada. To celebrate its 300th anniversary, or something, the NFB put 50 animated short films online. I’ve watched most of them, and here are my picks (or, as Senator McCain would put it, piks):

Afterlife: very pretty; trippy, but in a good way.

Black Soul: black history in 10 minutes, with a heavy emphasis on slavery. High-minded but so damned gorgeous I’d have enjoyed it even if its message were pro-slavery.

Blackfly: a fun tribute to a Canadian cultural phenomenon: flies.

Ex-Child: a film about war and child-soldiers (it’s against them), it would no doubt be dreary but for the interesting pinscreen technique.

Mindscape: more pinscreen.

The Big Snit: hilarious.

The Street: a Mordecai Richler short story about a boy waiting for his grandmother to die. Good watercolor work, goes well with the story.

A word to the sparrow

When George Bush gives a press conference, it’s my job to crap on him, thank you very much.

Bush press conference: I’m credible because I read the intelligence

It was such a nice day, Bush decided to hold today’s press conference outside.

About Iranian arrests of Iranian-American citizens: “Secondly, obviously, to the extent that these people are picking up innocent Americans is unacceptable. And we’ve made it very clear to the Iranian government that the detention of good, decent American souls who are there to be beneficial citizens is not acceptable behavior.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “This investigation [the US attorneys scandal] is taking a long time, kind of being drug out, I suspect for political question -- for political reasons. In other words, as I mentioned the other day, it’s just grand political theater.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “I spoke to Madam Wu Yi today... and also to ask her to pass on a message to Hu Jintao that I appreciate his willingness to work in a strategic -- with strategic dialogues in order to put in place the type of measures that reflect a complex relationship -- in other words, the ability to discuss issues such as beef, or intellectual property rights.”

ON CHINA: “And we’ve just got to work through the friction.” Ooo, kinky. “One area where I’ve been disappointed is beef.” Ooo, really kinky. “They need to be eating U.S. beef.” You’ve been talking to brother Neil. “It’s good for them. They’ll like it. And so we’re working hard to get that beef market opened up.” I’ll bet you are, I’ll bet you are.


He was asked again, if the results of leaving Iraq would be so catastrophic, would we really just leave if the Maliki regime told us to. Yes, yes we would. “We are there at their request.”

Asked why anyone still believes him about Iraq or Al Qaida: “I’m credible because I read the intelligence, David, and make it abundantly clear in plain terms that if we let up, we’ll be attacked. And I firmly believe that.” He’s credible because he reads. He reads credibly. It’s credible that he reads. Incredible!


Speaking of intelligence, as in insulting our intelligence, Bush once again pretended that Iraq is a straightforward US-Al Qaida war. “A lot of the spectaculars you’re seeing are caused by al Qaeda.” “These people attacked us before we were in Iraq. They viciously attacked us before we were in Iraq, and they’ve been attacking ever since. They are a threat to your children, David”. NBC’s David Gregory, I think, who should maybe phone home. I mean, Bush does read the intelligence. (Later he told a reporter named Jim that Al Qaida was also a threat to his children.)

Bush agreed with the premise of a question that all the talk about waiting for Petraeus’s report in September is setting up one of them there artificial deadlines which will stimulate violence: “It’s going to make -- it could make August a tough month, because you see, what they’re going to try to do is kill as many innocent people as they can to try to influence the debate here at home. Don’t you find that interesting? I do”.

“Yesterday, in my speech, I quoted quotes from Osama bin Laden. And the reason I did was, is that I want the American people to hear what he has to say”.


“The Middle East looked nice and cozy for awhile. Everything looked fine on the surface, but beneath the surface, there was a lot of resentment, there was a lot of frustration, such that 19 kids got on airplanes and killed 3,000 Americans.” Boy, 19 “kids” can just ruin an entire region for everybody. Also, may I point out again: many of the 9/11 victims were not actually Americans.

About new reports that sectarian violence has been entirely unaffected by the “surge”: “certainly, there’s been an uptick in violence. It’s a snapshot, it’s a moment.”

Asked why Osama bin Laden is still, you know, at large (an especially important question right now since Bush is again talking as if bin Laden is an imminent threat rather than some irrelevant has-been): “And he’s hiding. He is in a remote region of the world. If I knew precisely where he is, we would take the appropriate action to bring him to justice.” Pressed further, Bush explained, “Why is he at large? Because we haven’t got him yet, Jim. That’s why.” Well, you can’t fault the logic. But there’s good news: “He’s not out there traipsing around, he’s not leading many parades, however. He’s not out feeding the hungry. He’s isolated, trying to kill people to achieve his objective.” I feel safer knowing that he’s not traipsing.