Thursday, May 24, 2007

Bush press conference: I’m credible because I read the intelligence

It was such a nice day, Bush decided to hold today’s press conference outside.

About Iranian arrests of Iranian-American citizens: “Secondly, obviously, to the extent that these people are picking up innocent Americans is unacceptable. And we’ve made it very clear to the Iranian government that the detention of good, decent American souls who are there to be beneficial citizens is not acceptable behavior.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “This investigation [the US attorneys scandal] is taking a long time, kind of being drug out, I suspect for political question -- for political reasons. In other words, as I mentioned the other day, it’s just grand political theater.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “I spoke to Madam Wu Yi today... and also to ask her to pass on a message to Hu Jintao that I appreciate his willingness to work in a strategic -- with strategic dialogues in order to put in place the type of measures that reflect a complex relationship -- in other words, the ability to discuss issues such as beef, or intellectual property rights.”

ON CHINA: “And we’ve just got to work through the friction.” Ooo, kinky. “One area where I’ve been disappointed is beef.” Ooo, really kinky. “They need to be eating U.S. beef.” You’ve been talking to brother Neil. “It’s good for them. They’ll like it. And so we’re working hard to get that beef market opened up.” I’ll bet you are, I’ll bet you are.

He was asked again, if the results of leaving Iraq would be so catastrophic, would we really just leave if the Maliki regime told us to. Yes, yes we would. “We are there at their request.”

Asked why anyone still believes him about Iraq or Al Qaida: “I’m credible because I read the intelligence, David, and make it abundantly clear in plain terms that if we let up, we’ll be attacked. And I firmly believe that.” He’s credible because he reads. He reads credibly. It’s credible that he reads. Incredible!

Speaking of intelligence, as in insulting our intelligence, Bush once again pretended that Iraq is a straightforward US-Al Qaida war. “A lot of the spectaculars you’re seeing are caused by al Qaeda.” “These people attacked us before we were in Iraq. They viciously attacked us before we were in Iraq, and they’ve been attacking ever since. They are a threat to your children, David”. NBC’s David Gregory, I think, who should maybe phone home. I mean, Bush does read the intelligence. (Later he told a reporter named Jim that Al Qaida was also a threat to his children.)

Bush agreed with the premise of a question that all the talk about waiting for Petraeus’s report in September is setting up one of them there artificial deadlines which will stimulate violence: “It’s going to make -- it could make August a tough month, because you see, what they’re going to try to do is kill as many innocent people as they can to try to influence the debate here at home. Don’t you find that interesting? I do”.

“Yesterday, in my speech, I quoted quotes from Osama bin Laden. And the reason I did was, is that I want the American people to hear what he has to say”.

“The Middle East looked nice and cozy for awhile. Everything looked fine on the surface, but beneath the surface, there was a lot of resentment, there was a lot of frustration, such that 19 kids got on airplanes and killed 3,000 Americans.” Boy, 19 “kids” can just ruin an entire region for everybody. Also, may I point out again: many of the 9/11 victims were not actually Americans.

About new reports that sectarian violence has been entirely unaffected by the “surge”: “certainly, there’s been an uptick in violence. It’s a snapshot, it’s a moment.”

Asked why Osama bin Laden is still, you know, at large (an especially important question right now since Bush is again talking as if bin Laden is an imminent threat rather than some irrelevant has-been): “And he’s hiding. He is in a remote region of the world. If I knew precisely where he is, we would take the appropriate action to bring him to justice.” Pressed further, Bush explained, “Why is he at large? Because we haven’t got him yet, Jim. That’s why.” Well, you can’t fault the logic. But there’s good news: “He’s not out there traipsing around, he’s not leading many parades, however. He’s not out feeding the hungry. He’s isolated, trying to kill people to achieve his objective.” I feel safer knowing that he’s not traipsing.

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