Suddenly regular beauty pageants don’t seem nearly as creepy, do they?

Cambodia has cancelled the Miss Landmine pageant (the winner would have gotten a crown and a prosthetic limb) on the grounds of extreme tackiness.

From the pageant’s website:

Worst. Incentive. Ever.

(Update: er, that’s not me offering that as an incentive, that’s a banner from somewhere considerably dumber and more evil, where I went to laugh at all the dumb and the evil.) (Thank you for letting me clear that up.)

Intelligence can be a valuable weapon, but it is not one we should use on each other

The Zimbabwean man who drove the truck that killed Tsvangirai’s wife and almost Tsvangirai himself was just convicted of culpable homicide and sentenced – to a fine. Mm hmm. Anyway, hapless driver or Mugabe assassin, Chinoona Mwanda is our Name of the Day. Really, right now, stand up and recite it three times: Chinoona Mwanda, Chinoona Mwanda, Chinoona Mwanda!

Read, if only for its incredibly whininess, Little Leon Panetta’s incredibly whiny complaint
that investigating the CIA’s past evil deeds will distract it from the performance of its current evil deeds. “As the president has said, this is not a time for retribution. Debates over who knew what when -- or what happened seven years ago -- miss a larger, more important point: We are a nation at war in a dangerous world, and good intelligence is vital to us all.” However, he warns, “Intelligence can be a valuable weapon, but it is not one we should use on each other.” He’s worried about Congress using intelligence? (See Smintheus’s response to Panetta.)

Slogans for cities.

But is it ok for a horse to poop on the street on the sabbath?

The weekly Jerusalem battle between the police and the ultra-Orthodox anti-parking-lot-open-on-sabbathers took place again today. I do so love the pictures these protests generate.



But there was a new element today: horsies!



Has a nice Cossacky look, doesn’t it? (Also, someone shot up a gay community center in Tel Aviv today, killing 3).

Some day, I will get through the entire day without posting anything featuring the word “underwear” – this is not that day

Frankie Boyle asks on Mock the Week, how big a bail-out, how much money do we have to give the banks before they stop chaining the pens up?

In Britain, prisoners of the pagan persuasion (there are 366 of them) are to be allowed to keep: a hoodless robe (to be used only, repeat only, during ceremonies), a twig to be used as a wand, incense, one piece of jewelry, rune stones, tarot cards which are not repeat not to be used to tell the fortunes of other prisoners and “only following a local risk assessment.” No naked worship. They can choose two holidays from work from the following options: Halloween, the midsummer solstice, the vernal equinox. They can use wine during worship – one sip only. Oh, the Times’s headline: “Privileges Ease Spell in Prison for Pagans.”

Today’s Headline of the Day features underwear for the second day in a row. Hmm. From the London Times: “Astronaut Koichi Wakata Didn’t Change Underwear for a Month.” Evidently, they’re special NASA underpants, or at least that’s what the guys in Mission Control told him in between barely suppressed snickers.

In other underwear news, here’s a guy who held up a BP station in Clacton-on-Sea, Essex using underwear as a mask.

A clunker twitter

John McCain is against cash for clunkers...


because it’s generational theft.

As opposed to when he married a rich heiress young enough to be his daughter. Cash for clunkers, indeed.

Does the NYT actually employ editors?

Kristof’s column: “Here in Pakistan, 1 woman in 74 will die at some point in her life from complications during pregnancy.” At some point in her life? I’m guessing at the end of it.

Yay, racism in America is over

Beer! “The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems.” Why did no one think of this before? I mean, all “Skip” Gates ever did about racism before this was write book after book after book on the subject.


But what was Biden doing there? If you’re thinking he was there purely in order that the number of white guys was the same as the number of black guys, you’re forgetting about the – heh heh – butler.


Anyway, on to the inevitable CAPTION CONTEST, which asks the question, But what did Joe Biden say?

In which the age-old question, thong or underwear, is again posed (so to speak)

An Alert Reader has sent in a BBC story, “Flying Underwear Causes Power Cut” as a suggested Headline of the Day. And it’s good, oh it’s good, but now I’m going back and forth in my mind over whether “Flying Thong Causes Power Cut” might have been better (when you have a blog, this is the sort of dilemma with which you are faced every single day). What do you think?

poll by twiigs.com

Medical news you can use: cupcakes are good for your health

Obama held a town hall meeting today in a high school in Raleigh, North Carolina and another one in the produce section of a supermarket in Bristol, Virginia. The comments here are from the former, the pictures from the latter because what’s better, this


or this?


HE’S IN THE POCKET OF BIG CUPCAKE: “Sara Coleman for the wonderful introduction. Give her a great round of applause. (Applause.) She brought me a Cupcake Factory teeshirt -- (laughter) -- but no cupcakes. (Laughter.) I mean, I know I’ve been talking about health care a lot, but I think cupcakes are good for your health.”


UM, YAY? “We’re losing jobs at half the rate we were when I took office six months ago. (Applause.)”

“BAILOUT OF CAPITALIST SWINE,” THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO CALL IT. OR MAYBE “BARNEY.” “Now, there’s a lot of misinformation about the Recovery Act or the stimulus, whatever you want to call it.”


WHAT MAKES BARACK SCRATCH HIS HEAD: “although I’ve got to say, when I hear critics talk about out-of-control spending, I start scratching my head. I can’t help but remember those same critics contributed to a $1.3 trillion deficit that I inherited when I took office. You hand me a $1.3 trillion bill and then you’re complaining six months later because we haven’t paid it all back.” AND GUESS WHOSE FACE IS ON THE $1.3 TRILLION BILL?

IF NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT, HOW CAN YOU BE TIRED OF HEARING IT? “First of all, nobody is talking about some government takeover of health care. I’m tired of hearing that.”


BUT IF IT COULD BE SOMEHOW ARRANGED FOR RUSH LIMBAUGH TO GO BROKE FROM HEMORRHOIDS. GET KATHLEEN SEBELIUS ON THAT AT ONCE: “No one in America should go broke because of an illness.”

Of teddy bears, giant food, and Batman

Headline of the Day (Times of London): “Teddy Bear Picnics Banned as Swine Flu Rules Hit Nurseries.”

Holy colonial relic, Batman!

Other Headline of the Day: “Giant Food Shows Continued Sales Growth.”

Economies of scale

Some study claims that obese people spend 41% more on health care, $1,500 per year. But does this so-called study take into account the cost savings from buying the economy-sized bag of Cheetos? I thought not.

I never ordered any combatant to eat anyone

At his war crimes trial, Charles Taylor today again denied that cannibalism: “it makes you feel like throwing up.” So no seconds for you? For you foodies out there, the transcript will be a must: “Mr Marzah went into detail as to how the victims were sliced up for cooking and seasoned.”

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OH NO, HOW WILL WE OVERTHROW CASTRO NOW? The ticker the Bushies put in the building of the US interests section in Havana will no longer flash their messages of freedom to the enslaved Cuban masses. From the Guardian: “The ticker made little visible impact on Cubans but became a tourist attraction. Cumbersome technology, however, diminished its impact. The sign was slow-moving, difficult to read and lacked Spanish accents and tildes. For instance ‘año’, which means year, appeared as ‘ano’, which means anus.”

Another Sarah Palin contest, because we’re not done with her yet

Chris Clarke of the blog Coyote Crossing has re-written the Gettysburg Address as Sarah Palin would have delivered it.

But doggone it, there are so many speeches that could benefit from the Palin touch.

“We will fight on the beeches, which I can see from my house...”

“Friends, Romans from the pro-Rome part of this great country...”

“As for me, give me liberty or, aw heck, I quit...”

“I have a dream that one day, the sons of Cheechakos and the sons of Sourdoughs...”

“I know I have the body but of a hot and MILFy woman...”

“The only thing we have to fear is, aw heck, I quit...”

“I come not to praise Joe the Plumber...”

“Ask not what you can do for your country, ask, aw heck, I quit...”

More, please, in comments.

How about ya quit makin’ things up?

Today Sarah Palin held her third and final governor’s resignation picnic. She served the masses hot dogs and a speech, both of which were composed of processed, ground-up chunks of miscellaneous unidentifiable meat products and rat turds.

She suggested to the press that they leave the new governor’s kids alone and “How about, in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin’ things up?” Sarah, no one could make you up if they tried.

SHE’S COMING AFTER YOU, KUNG FU PANDA: “Hollywood needs to know: we eat, therefore we hunt.”


“Be wary of accepting government largess. It doesn’t come free, and often accepting it takes away everything that is free.” The unemployed lady went on to say that it removed incentives to hard to work.

“Alaska is the gate-keeper of the continent.” Don’t let the gate of the continent hit you in the ass on the way out, Sarah.

Quittin’ time

Sarah Palin is entering her last day in office, which she timed to come after the governor’s picnics. Here she (“Patriot”) and Piper (“Alaska grown”) serve traditional Eskimo fare.


CAPTION CONTEST!

And hijinks ensued

Hamas sponsors a mass wedding of 382 couples at a refugee camp in Syria, the idea being to allow an affordable way for the refugees to get married (Hamas also gave them a gift of $2,100). But, according to the AP, “The brides and grooms were separated during a wedding party... as observant Muslims do not mix in public.” Boy do I see the opportunity for a sitcom-style wacky mixup.

War isn’t worth one life

Following the death today of Harry Patch, a World War I (and indeed, Passchendaele) vet and, judging by his name, a minor character in a Dickens novel, there remain only three veterans of the Great War. Patch was the last who had seen battle in the trenches. Said Patch, “War isn’t worth one life.” He tried to aim only at the Germans’ legs. He was wounded by a shell and spent a year in hospital. Like Henry Allingham, he survived his children. He was married to his first wife for 58 years and his second wife for 24, and has also out-lived a girlfriend, because he was still picking up chicks as a centenarian. Which is awesome and gross in equal measure.

I obviously helped to contribute ratcheting it up

Berlusconi’s prostitute is suing the foreign minister for impugning her reputation. Let me just repeat that: Berlusconi’s prostitute is suing the foreign minister for impugning her reputation.

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There are now a record number of inmates serving life sentences, 10% of all prisoners, twice that in three-strikes California. 2/3 of the lifers are black or Latino.

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Orrin Hatch, who says he will vote against Sotomayor: “In truth, I wish President Obama had chosen a Hispanic nominee that all Senators could support.” Edward James Olmos? Ugly Betty? Eric Estrada? Freddie Prinze Jr? It’s Eric Estrada, isn’t it?

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Obama invites Henry Louis Gates and the cop who arrested him to the White House for a beer. I’m now officially embarrassed by my president. If Gates doesn’t go have a beer with his persecutor, he looks like a jerk. Obama says that the arrest was an overreaction but “Professor Gates probably overreacted as well.” Who did Gates put in handcuffs and put in a cell for 4 hours? Let’s not try to create equivalences here. Only one of the two had authority granted to him by the state over the other.

Another reason not to create equivalence: Gates probably doesn’t deal with cops every day, but it’s Sgt. Crowley’s job to deal with members of the public in stressful circumstances. If he’s doing his job properly, he will get cursed at or shouted at several times a week. He should be able to handle it without taking it personally.

In their conversation, Sgt. Crowley complained to Obama that the press have been coming onto his lawn. Yes, isn’t it annoying when people come uninvited onto your property?

Your new doctor

My New York Times today had this full-page ad from the Cato Institute:


Er, Doctor Sam, what exactly are you planning to do with that finger?