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Obama is killing me. He just spent days in Latin America, and not one funny picture. NOT ONE! Throw a blogger a bone, already. You could always count on Bush. Always.
From the always dependable Daily Telegraph, the Headline of the Day: “New Zealand Man Proves Being Hit by Bird Droppings Is Lucky.” Man was hit by bird droppings, was told it was lucky, bought scratch card, won NZ$100,000. Quod erat demonstrandum. He said, “I want to wipe my debts and just enjoy life.” I assume that’s not all he’s wiping.
BAD GOLLY, MISS MOLLY: In the UK, Bill and Star Etheridge, a couple who were both prospective candidates for the Dudley town council for the Conservative Party, have been dropped after posing with golliwogs, which were once highly popular with racist British children, and posting the pictures on Facebook.
They said the pictures were intended to promote a “healthy debate.” Says Bill, “I think it’s much better to discuss and debate issues of political correctness like golliwogs than to let them fester.” Because there’s nothing worse than a festering golliwog.
South Korean residents of Baengnyeong island are refusing to unload the 200,000 leaflets that the government plans to put in helium balloons and float over North Korea. The island is losing tourists because North Korea is threatening artillery fire against any sites from which balloons are launched, saying the military “keeps itself fully ready to make sighting firing and blow up those bases for ... madcap psychological warfare.”
Secretary of State Philander Knox refuses to abrogate the 1832 treaty with Russia over Russia’s refusal to recognize the passports of American Jews. He points out that other countries also put up with Russia discriminating against their Jews. For example, the British postmaster general was recently refused entry.
Madero issues a decree that any official in the Mexican government responsible for summary executions (as allowed by the recent suspension of constitutional guarantees) will be treated as a homicide.
The Illinois state senate passes a bill for a women’s suffrage referendum.
Headline of the Day -100: “Hatpin Rouses Legislator.” That’s Rhode Island State Rep. John B. Leclerc, whose nose was stuck by one on public transportation.
Yemen’s parliament gives the president emergency powers. Why is it never X-ray vision, the power to fly, invisibility, or super-speed, it’s always the ability to arrest people without charge, the power of censorship. Really crap super-powers, is what I’m saying: “I am Captain Scissors; I have the power to prevent the press publishing remarks critical of the government!” You’re not going to get Lois Lane’s panties wet that way, you’re just not. (By the way, who wants to start an internet campaign to get Sarah Silverman cast as Lois Lane in the next Superman movie?)
Obama was in El Salvador, where he visited the tomb of Oscar Romero. If he apologized for the US’s financing of the death squads that murdered the archbishop, I must have missed it.
He gave a press conference with President Funes, who tried to make him feel bad about cutting short his visit to the country: “President Obama asked me if this is the weather characteristic of this time of the year, and I was saying that, yes, and that it is a pity because if he had stayed a little bit longer we could have invited you to get to see the beaches of our country that are one of the best in the region.” So no beaches for you, Barack.
I’M SURE THEY’RE PLEASED TO HEAR IT: “We want El Salvador to be successful.”
He promised that he could pay for the Libyan operations out of the existing budget and that “it is not going to be our planes that are maintaining the no-fly zone.”
WHEREVER THERE’S A COP BEATING UP A GUY, WE’LL BE THERE: Asked to define the American national interest in Libya: “Now, with respect to our national interests, the American people and the United States have an interest, first of all, in making sure that where a brutal dictator is threatening his people and saying he will show no mercy and go door-to-door hunting people down, and we have the capacity under international sanction to do something about that, I think it’s in America’s international -- in America’s national interest to do something about it.” I must have missed the part where he said what America’s national interest is.
WHAT THAT DOESN’T MEAN: “That doesn’t mean that we can solve every problem in the world.” It doesn’t? I has a sad.
Ah, he circled back to the national interest thing: “It is in America’s national interest to participate in that because nobody has a bigger stake in making sure that there are basic rules of the road that are observed, that there is some semblance of order and justice -- particularly in a volatile region that’s going through great changes like the Middle East -- than does the United States of America.” Some semblance of order and justice in the Middle East, is that too much ask? I said, is that too much to ask? Hello, is this thing on?
DEFINE “PEACEFUL”: “Now, we’ve already seen what happened in Egypt and Tunisia -- peaceful transitions.”
Mexican soldiers fire across the border at American soldiers who had stopped supplies crossing across the Rio Grande from the US to the garrison at Ojinaja, which is under siege by the rebels.
Booker T. Washington receives a letter from President Taft expressing sympathy about his having been beaten up a couple of days ago. Washington has recovered enough to give a scheduled lecture on “The Progress of the Negro Race.”
South Dakota’s Gov. Dennis Daugaard signed into law the 72-hour waiting period for abortions, with the requirement that the patient go to a “pregnancy help center,” which I discussed last month. Said the governor, “I hope that women who are considering an abortion will use this three-day period to make good choices.” He’s not pro-choice, he’s pro-good-choice.
Were there even more condescending remarks made about this law today? Why yes, yes there were. Rep. Roger Hunt, the main sponsor, said, “Women need to just be reminded of the fact there is a natural, legal relationship between them and their child.” See, he just wants them to be reminded, because they need to be reminded, preferably by an untrained anti-abortion activist, to “ensure that the woman would be able to have access to both sides of the story”. You can just picture a woman with an unwanted pregnancy smacking her head and saying, “I knew I was forgetting something, and it’s that there is a natural, legal relationship between me and my child. Thank you, Rep. Hunt, for ensuring that I am reminded of that. Also, what the hell does that actually mean, a ‘legal relationship’ between the woman and her child?”
I’d like to repeat my suggestion to women affected by this law in SD that they not go to a pregnancy health center if they don’t want to, and lie about it.
Update: The WaPo quotes (and misspells) Leslee Unruh, founder of the Alpha Center (“Clearing the confusion with a message of hope”), one of those so-called pregnancy health centers: “If we truly want to have less abortions, let’s give these women the 72 hours they need to make this decision on their own without being coerced.” Unruh, who in the past promoted legislation requiring doctors to tell patients that abortion causes depression and sterility, was once convicted of paying pregnant women not to have abortions, and then illegally arranging the adopting of those babies. So there’s coercion and coercion, I guess.
There’s never a no-fly zone when you need it, huh?
Frank Neuhauser, the winner of the first national spelling bee in 1925, dies at 97, of m—y-e-l-o-d-y-s-p-l-a-s-t-i-c syndrome.
Obama goes to Chile, totally fails to apologize for US support for the 1973 coup, much less send Henry Kissinger in chains. Asked if he would cooperate with the Chilean investigations into the death of Salvador Allende by opening up our secret files, Obama said that “is something that we will certainly consider and we would like to cooperate.” So that’s a no.
He added, “I think it’s very important for all of us to know our history. And obviously the history of relations between the United States and Latin America has at times been extremely rocky.” But it’s also important “that we’re not trapped by our history,” which I think means that Chile should forget about the US’s role in establishing a brutal military dictatorship, just like we have. “And the fact of the matter is, is that over the last two decades we’ve seen extraordinary progress here in Chile and that has not been impeded by the United States but, in fact, has been fully supported by the United States.” Wow, he wants brownie points for not overthrowing Chilean democracy yet again.
The NY State Senate’s Judiciary Committee kills women’s suffrage 8-3 (and they refuse to make public who voted for and against).
A Texas group of Confederate veterans offer their decrepit services for duty as US soldiers on the Mexican border. Secretary of War Dickinson responds that there is no need as “We are at peace with all the world” and it’s extremely unlikely that that will change; “there would have to be some unjustifiable wrong perpetrated upon us by another nation.”
Teddy Roosevelt recently said that Arizona should be allowed to become a state despite some people’s objections to its proposed constitutional provisions for the initiative, referendum and recall (including recall of judges), which he said were a matter for Arizonans to decide. The NYT disagrees, likening those provisions to polygamy in Utah. Indeed, “It is a pretty serious question whether polygamy or the principle of the recall of Judges is the more detestable and un-American.” The Times suggests leaving Arizona a territory until its people “come to their senses” and that Taft “advise the people of Arizona that they must become American before they can be admitted to the American Union.”
Obama sent a letter to the House and Senate about the war in Libya.
By the way, I sincerely hope this thing doesn’t bog down, because everyone will think it’s sooooo cute to spell “quagmire” in lots of different ways, you know, like Qaddafi’s name.
He described the bombing as “a series of strikes against air defense systems and military airfields for the purposes of preparing a no-fly zone”. In case you hadn’t noticed, a no-fly zone, with specific geographic parameters, has not been declared yet; we’re just blowing shit up.
He says several times that US action will be “limited” and “well-defined.” Unlike under Bush, when they were unlimited and not well defined, or well spelled if it comes to that.
And the, “We will seek a rapid, but responsible, transition of operations to coalition, regional, or international organizations”. Or? Maybe the question of who takes over from us is a detail that should have been nailed down first.
To the increasing complaints about the clear unconstitutionality of taking military action without Congressional approval of any kind, he says:
I have directed these actions, which are in the national security and foreign policy interests of the United States, pursuant to my constitutional authority to conduct U.S. foreign relations and as Commander in Chief and Chief Executive.
“Conducting foreign relations,” is that what they’re calling bombing other countries these days. Well, the Constitution doesn’t actually assign the president sweeping powers to conduct foreign relations; the role of Commander in Chief, which he now invokes as a talisman, does not include the right to declare war; and yes, he’s “chief executive,” so what?
“I am providing this report as part of my efforts to keep the Congress fully informed, consistent with the War Powers Resolution.” In other words, he doesn’t actually feel bound by the War Powers Act any more than any other president has since 1973, but he’ll play along as it doesn’t inconvenience him too much.
“I appreciate the support of the Congress in this action.” What support? The whole point is that he hasn’t asked for a vote. Maybe he meant that ironically. Does Obama do irony?
Mexican rebel leader Francisco Madero says that he would be willing to accept an armed truce. There are strong rumors that there are peace negotiations going on.
Both sides in the Mexican Revolution are using soft-nosed bullets, which are outlawed under the international rules of war.
So this white dude beats up a black dude he sees looking at name plates in his apartment building near Central Park. He claims he beat up the black dude because his wife had told him that some black dude “loitering” near their house had “spoken” to her earlier that day. The white dude then chases the black dude through the streets. “In [the black dude’s] flight he fell several times and was kicked by others who had joined the pursuit without knowing who the fleeing man was.” Finally Booker T. Washington – for it was he – was rescued by a passing cop. He pressed charges.
Evidently Japanese scientists claim to have developed some method of photographing thoughts. I have no idea what this means, and I guess neither did the NYT, which asked Dr. Max Baff, Clark College professor of psychology and advanced misogyny, what it might mean. Baff suggests that it could be done by having the film developed in a vacuum tank and placing the people whose thoughts are to be photographed with their heads against the tank. “It is a matter for close investigation and demands a long series of carefully conducted experiments,” said Baff.
Obama made a statement about the “limited military action” (no nukes, yet) “in support of an international effort to protect Libyan civilians.” Unless they, you know, get in the way of our bombs. Run, Libyan civilians, run!
On McNeil-Lehrer yesterday, UN Ambassador Susan Rice was asked whether these “Libyan civilians” we’re supposedly protecting include rebels actively fighting Qaddafi’s forces:
RAY SUAREZ: As you say, the president declared that all attacks on civilians must stop. But do you read the word “civilians” to include those who have taken up arms against the government? Are they civilians or combatants?
SUSAN RICE: Well, they’re -- we’re about the business of protecting civilians. And there are civilians at extraordinary risk, 700,000 of them in the city of Benghazi. And civilians have been the victims towns in Misrata and Zawiyah and Ajdabiya, where Gadhafi forces continue to attack. So, that is the focus, that is the purpose of the Council resolution passed yesterday. And that’s, as the president said today, what we will be implementing.
Naturally, Ray just dropped it without getting an answer to his question. But without that answer, we literally don’t know what the scope of this mission actually is. Which of course is just the way Obama wants it.
Back to today’s statement.
BOOM? “That coalition met in Paris today to send a unified message”.
LIKE A WEDDING, OR A FUNERAL, OR AN ACCIDENTAL AIR STRIKE ON A WEDDING OR A FUNERAL: “...and it brings together many of our European and Arab partners.”
DEEPLY: “I am deeply aware of the risks of any military action”.
OUR FIRST CHOICE WAS EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD DOING WHATEVER WE TELL THEM TO DO WITH NO FUCKING BACK TALK: “I want the American people to know that the use of force is not our first choice and it’s not a choice that I make lightly.”
EXCEPT IN YEMEN, BAHRAIN, SYRIA... “But we cannot stand idly by when a tyrant tells his people that there will be no mercy”.
OUR UNIQUE CAPABILITIES: “As a part of this effort, the United States will contribute our unique capabilities at the front end of the mission to protect Libyan civilians”.
SO THAT’S OKAY, THEN: “And as I said yesterday, we will not -- I repeat -- we will not deploy any U.S. troops on the ground.”
OH DEAR, HE’S STARTING TO GRATUITOUSLY SLIP REFERENCES TO HIMSELF BEING “COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF” INTO EVERY SPEECH, THAT’S NEVER A GOOD SIGN: “As Commander-in-Chief, I have great confidence in the men and women of our military who will carry out this mission.”
PROUD: “I’m also proud that we are acting as part of a coalition that includes close allies and partners who are prepared to meet their responsibility to protect the people of Libya and uphold the mandate of the international community.” What “responsibility” to protect the people of Libya?
Qaddafi’s laughable announcement of a cease-fire yesterday, by the way, was never broadcast on state tv in Libya.
Also, “Operation Odyssey Dawn.” Really? Odyssey Dawn is a Carnival cruise ship, not a series of air strikes.
The Mexican insurrectos have been operating out of the Mormon district of Chihuahua.
Obama gave a speech about Libya today.
“Last month, protesters took to the streets across the country to demand their universal rights, and a government that is accountable to them and responsive to their aspirations. But they were met with an iron fist.” Well, if that isn’t responsive, I don’t know is. Some people just complain about anything, don’t they?
HAS HE CHECKED BEHIND THE SOFA? THAT’S WHERE I ALWAYS LOOK FIRST WHEN I LOSE STUFF. “Moammar Qaddafi clearly lost the confidence of his own people and the legitimacy to lead.” It’s interesting how many times Obama has talked about Qaddafi having lost his legitimacy. I have to wonder how he thought Q-Ball gained legitimacy in the first place, and how he maintained it, and whether he has had it for all the forty-some years of his reign – including when Reagan was trying to kill him? – because it seems Obama recognizes some other method of conferring legitimacy upon a regime than representative democracy. And evidently it takes some very concrete form because he says that Q-Boy “clearly” lost it.
(When I got to the end, I noticed there’d been no name-calling. Bush would have called Qaddafi a dictator about twenty times, Obama never did. Then I noticed he hadn’t called him anything, not even colonel. Just his name, sometimes with his first name, no title, twelve times.)
Then he details the violence in Libya for a bit, then says, “In the face of this injustice, the United States and the international community moved swiftly.” Define swiftly.
WHAT HE HAS DEMONSTRATED: “For decades, he has demonstrated a willingness to use brute force through his sponsorship of terrorism against the American people as well as others, and through the killings that he has carried out within his own borders.” But that was back in the days when he was legitimate, so it was all good.
“Now, here is why this matters to us.” There are layers of obnoxiousness in that sentence I just don’t feel like unpacking.
JEEZ, WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE? “Left unchecked, we have every reason to believe that Qaddafi would commit atrocities against his people.”
Atrocities, the region destabilized, blah blah, “Moreover, the words of the international community would be rendered hollow.” Anyone else hear an echo of Bush here? – “our words gotta mean somethin’.”
“The resolution that passed lays out very clear conditions that must be met. The United States, the United Kingdom, France, and Arab states agree that a cease-fire must be implemented immediately.” And the opinion of France is important because why now?
LET ME BE CLEAR IS THE NEW “IN OTHER WORDS”: “Let me be clear, these terms are not negotiable. These terms are not subject to negotiation.”
UNIQUE CAPABILITIES, IS THAT WHAT WE’RE CALLING BOMBING WEDDING PARTIES AND CHILDREN GATHERING FIREWOOD NOW? “We will provide the unique capabilities that we can bring to bear to stop the violence against civilians”.
HE WANTS TO BE CLEAR: “I also want to be clear about what we will not be doing. The United States is not going to deploy ground troops into Libya. And we are not going to use force to go beyond a well-defined goal -- specifically, the protection of civilians in Libya.” Keep in mind that “well-defined goal” in the days ahead.
WHAT THE US DID NOT SEEK: “Now, the United States did not seek this outcome.” And yet somehow it’s where we always wind up. Funny, that.
“It is not an action that we will pursue alone. Indeed, our British and French allies, and members of the Arab League, have already committed to take a leadership role in the enforcement of this resolution, just as they were instrumental in pursuing it.” Because when you think leadership role in a fight, you think France. (Oh, and Oman, just so no one claims I keep picking on France.) (But.... Sarkozy... just saying.)
HE HAS A NOBEL PRIZE IN PEACE, YOU KNOW: “From the beginning of these protests, we have made it clear that we are opposed to violence.”
HE WANTS TO BE CLEAR: “But I want to be clear: the change in the region will not and cannot be imposed by the United States or any foreign power; ultimately, it will be driven by the people of the Arab World. It is their right and their responsibility to determine their own destiny.” But we still get to blow shit up, right?
ALTHOUGH HE DID TAKE LIKE SIX MONTHS TO PICK A STUPID DOG: “there is no decision I face as your Commander in Chief that I consider as carefully as the decision to ask our men and women to use military force.” Oh, and he is not “your Commander in Chief” unless you’re in the military. This is a democracy, we do not have a commander in chief.
BIG FINISH: “Our goal is focused, our cause is just, and our coalition is strong.”
Today the House of Representatives voted 231 to 91 against ending the war in Afghanistan and 228 to 192 to end funding for National Public Radio. Okay then.
Obama actually called South African President Jacob Zuma to ask him to prohibit Jean-Bertrand Aristide returning to Haiti. Obama also imparted “his belief that the Haitian people deserve the chance to choose their government in a peaceful, free and fair election scheduled for Sunday.” Yeah, his support for freely elected Haitian presidents is just so very strong. (Also, the first round of voting way back in November was so fraudulent and so violent – and Aristide’s party was simply barred from the ballot – that the chance for the Haitian people to choose their government in a peaceful, free and fair election has already been lost.)
At any rate, Zuma chose not to place under house arrest, and SA Cabinet Minister Collins Chabane said, “we can’t hold [Aristide] hostage if he wants to go.”
The Haitian government has refused Aristide’s request for police protection. But Aristide will be traveling with Danny Glover, who used to work with Mel Gibson, so if there’s an attack by hordes of Haiti’s indigenous mindless, brain-eating zombie population, he’s had experience.
By the way, in my post Monday about a State Dept statement on Aristide, I failed to notice the line, “Mr. Aristide has chosen to remain outside of Haiti for seven years,” intended to imply that there is something sinister about his decision to return now, while pretending that there was something voluntary about Aristide’s exile and ignoring the US’s role in it.
Irish prime minister Enda Kenny gave Obama a bowl of weeds for St Patrick’s Day. CAPTION CONTEST:
Mitch Benn (British political comedian) on Twitter: “Oh good, we’re part of an international coalition squaring off against a Middle Eastern dictator. That NEVER goes tits up.”
And the UN Security Council giving the US carte blanche to use “all necessary means,” that never goes tits up either.
I’ll admit I don’t understand what the strategy is here. Obama (and lame-duck Secretary of War Robert Gates) seem so unenthused about the whole thing, the implementation of a no-fly zone and an “all necessary means” seem too little, too late to save the Libyan rebels, which just leaves a shaky, pissed-off Qaddafi. I do love the idea that the US is arm-twisting Arab dictators to put their militaries into the fight so that it doesn’t look like another imperialist war-for-oil, because if you really want to fight in defense of freedom and democracy, you call in the Saudis. Just ask Bahrain.
Robert LaFollette’s eponymous magazine asks what Taft is really up to in massing troops on the Mexican border, pointing out that Taft’s brother Henry is the president of the British firm Pearson & Sons, the largest financial interest in Mexico. “Is it possible,” the magazine asks, “that the army and navy of the United States are being used as a side show of a gigantic Wall Street gamble?” That’s a trick question, right?
The Nevada legislature passes a bill for easy divorces, without having to prove adultery or desertion or anything, the only requirement being six months residence in Nevada (with provision for leaving the state “when necessary”).
NOTE: On March 28, the NY Times is going to a paywall system, with a max of 20 articles per month unless you subscribe to the print edition or pay them $15 a month. However, it looks like you can exceed the 20-article limit if you click through from search engines, Twitter, Facebook or links in blogs like this one. (I guess the people they most want to inconvenience are those who use their own website, because that makes all sorts of sense). So continue to click through.
The Mexican insurrectos issue their demands (have they really not done this before now?): the 1910 presidential election must be nullified and a new election held, in which Madero is allowed to participate; no mediation by the United States; mayors and state governors to be elected rather than appointed; land reform; free ballots, preservation of individual rights; extension of the school system. Damn hippies.
Headline of the Day -100: “Science May Make Men Taller.” Because they’ve figured out the pituitary gland, or think they have. Prof. Arthur Keith of the Royal College of Surgeons believes that not only might the pituitary be manipulated to control height but also regulate the growth of various parts of the body, er, like the shape of the nose.
The NY Fire Dept is testing the first automotive fire truck. It can pump 700 gallons a minute and travel 30 or 40 MPH, compared to a max of 12 MPH for the horse-drawn ones. Oh, and it’s red.
A Thomas Wheeler proposes the abolition of war through the simple expedient of adopting a universal alphabet, followed by a gradual consolidation of existing languages into just a few.
$1.4m in blood money and CIA spy Ray Davis gets away with shooting two Pakistanis on the streets of Lahore. Or, as Hillary Clinton put it, “the families of the victims of the January 27th incident pardoned Mr. Davis, and we are very grateful for their decision.” She denied that the US had paid any blood money:
Q: Okay. So categorically, the U.S. taxpayer is not paying 2.3 million or whatever it was?
CLINTON: The United States does not pay any compensation.
Q: Did anyone pay compensation at the behest of the United States?
CLINTON: The United States did not pay any compensation.
Er, right.
She also says that Bahrain’s use of violence and imported Saudi troops against protesters is “unfortunately diverting attention and effort away from the political and economic track that is the only way forward to resolve the legitimate differences of the Bahrainis themselves.” Unfortunately diverting attention, the cads!
She also seems to be making the wholly unwarranted assumption that the Bahraini monarchy wants to resolve the legitimate differences of the Bahrainis themselves.
In other news, the Obama admin wants the power to wiretap suspected infringers of copyrights and trademarks.
The Daily Telegraph reports the death of Peter Loader, who they say was a “Hostile fast bowler for Surrey and England who took a famous hat-trick against the West Indies.” Honestly, sometimes I think the Brits just string random words together.
Evidently Glenn Beck today demonstrated how the Japanese nuclear meltdowns are no big deal, using only a wok, a steamer, and a tube of M&M’s.
The WaPo website redesign eliminated the A section print edition page I used to read the paper. Booo!
Google Reader just added a banner type thing that covers up post titles or anything else at the top of the page, making it unusable in Firefox. Booo!
Blogger has added ability to subscribe to this blog by email (looks like it sends the email once a day, if there’s new content, not whenever I post something). Sign up in the right-hand column. Yay!
Adjt. Gen. William Verbeck of the NY National Guard says that the military spirit in America is at a low ebb, and he blames 1) the Carnegie peace fund, 2) the Lake Mohonk Peace Conference, 3) the hostile attitude of women teachers to military drill, 4) the Boy Scouts’ hostility to things military, 5) commercialism and worship of the dollar, 6) the time wasted by social obligations, 7) the hostility of wives to time spent by their husbands on military stuff, 8) the ridicule to which military officers are subjected, 9) the number of fraternal organizations permitted to wear gorgeous military uniforms, to the disadvantage of the plainer ones worn by soldiers, 10) the lack of education of the general public re military affairs.
Mexican President Díaz promises land reform – just as soon as this little rebellion is over.
Some insurrectos sneak into Juarez and blow up the barracks. Guess they don’t want land reform.
Headline of the Day -100: “Warships to Save Walrus.” For realz: Denmark is sending warships to stop Americans hunting the walruses of Greenland into extinction.
Obama gave a speech about education yesterday at the Kenmore Middle School in Arlington, Virginia. Do you think schools within 10 miles of D.C. ever get tired of being used as backdrops?
TOO MANY: “unfortunately too many students aren’t getting a world-class education today.” He didn’t disclose what the right number of students not getting a world-class education would be.
A LOT OF ARGUMENTS: “There were a lot of arguments for a lot of years. Some people thought if you just put more money into education that would solve the problem. And then the other side thought, money doesn’t matter; what we need is reform. In fact, there were those who argued that we should just dismantle the public education system altogether.” So as part of this everyone’s-to-blame-so-no-one’s-to-blame scenario he’s accepting the premise that part of the problem is that liberals just want to throw money at problems. Dirty fuckin’ hippies.
NOT GIVE YOU ANY OF IT, JUST SHOW IT TO YOU: “So what we’re doing is we’re saying to states [with the “Race to the Top” program], prove you’re serious about reform, and we’ll show you the money.” And we’re saying to the remaining 37 states, “Too bad you weren’t serious enough. Come back in five years and maybe we’ll fund your education then.”
WITH “WINNING TO THE FUTURE” ON THE WALL BEHIND HIM, HE COINS ANOTHER LAME CATCHPHRASE: “it’s not enough to leave no child behind. We need to help every child get ahead.” Except the children in the 37 states that aren’t “serious” about reform. They’ll have to find a way to get ahead all by themselves.
AN ASTONISHING NUMBER: “under the system No Child Left Behind put in place, more than 80 percent of our schools may be labeled as failing... That’s an astonishing number.” He’s easily astonished.
WHAT WE KNOW: “We know that four out of five schools in this country aren’t failing.” Indeed, one of the 80% is Kenmore Middle School itself, he says, revealing Kenmore’s shame to a watching world. But “Kenmore -- Kenmore is thriving. You guys are doing great. You got more work to do, but you’re doing fine. (Applause.)” Oh sure, praise the failing school.
AND VICE VERSA: “We need to make sure some of our best teachers are teaching in some of our worst schools.” Some?
OF COURSE MOST AMERICAN STUDENTS ARE BUBBLE-SHAPED THEMSELVES, SO THAT WORKS OUT: “We don’t need to know whether a student can fill out a bubble.”
FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’LL BE A POP QUIZ ON THIS PHOTO OP TOMORROW: “Now, that doesn’t mean testing is going to go away; there will be testing.” So I guess we do need to know whether a student can fill out a bubble.
JUST AS SOON AS WE’RE DONE BANNING THEIR UNIONS AND ELIMINATING THEIR RETIREMENT FUNDS: “In South Korea, teachers are known as ‘nation builders,’ and I think it’s time we treated our teachers with the same level of respect right here in the United States of America.” Or we could give them decent salaries and benefits, but “respect” is a whole lot cheaper, so yeah, let’s go with that instead.
SURELY THAT’S WHAT THE MINIMUM WAGE LAWS ARE FOR: “we’ve got to start valuing our great teachers.”
GETTING INTO IT: “I don’t know any teacher who got into it for the pay.” Although some pay would be, you know, nice. (Actually, Obama’s budget includes hundreds of millions of your tax dollars for teacher incentive plans, which have never been shown to actually work, so that means, I don’t know, that he thinks it’s a bad thing that teachers don’t get into it for the pay, because they’d do a better job if they did.) (I wonder if Obama is such a mediocre president because there’s no incentive scheme?) “The teachers who are here, you got into it for the kids...” We had a high school English teacher like that, but they (eventually) fired him. “...for the satisfaction of feeling like your [sic!] passing on knowledge that these young people will use and carry on for the rest of their lives.” Except for grammar, obviously.
HEY, THOSE TAX CUTS FOR MILLIONAIRES DON’T PAY FOR THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW: “A budget that sacrifices our commitment to education would be a budget that’s sacrificing our country’s future.”
