Today -100: June 11, 1911: Of duels, massacres, yeggmen, and answering machines

South Carolina Gov. Coleman Blease has been trying to have Atlanta lawyer Thomas Felder indicted for bribery (the governor of Georgia will later refuse to extradite Felder, saying there is no evidence against him). Felder says Blease is coming after him to cover up having taken bribes from liquor houses when he was a state senator, and has challenged Blease to either bring a libel suit against him or challenge him to a duel. Whichever. However, Blease “is forbidden by his oath of office to participate in duels” (literally??) so a W.P. Beard, who seems to be just an ordinary citizen, has offered to duel in the governor’s place.

Towards the end of the Mexican Revolution, there was a massacre of 300 or so Chinese in Torreon. The story going around is that after the rebels took the town, they looted a courtroom, taking some bottles of cognac which were actually evidence from a trial some years before for an attempted mass poisoning at a banquet. They took the bottles to a Chinese restaurant, drank them, and... you get the idea.

Your archaic vocabulary word of the day: yeggman, as in the NYT headline “Yeggmen Blow Up a Town.” Safecrackers – yeggmen – dynamited a post office safe in French Creek, West Virginia, starting a fire that burned down most of the town (which had no fire dept). The yeggmen – I really like that word – got away with about $600 in cash and stamps.

Some French guys have invented the telephone answering machine, a device to record voice messages on phonograph records. Previously, it was only possible to record voices directly, not over phone wires.

It’s just kind of _____, is what I’m saying.

Leonard Stern, creator of Mad Libs, died this week, just before the release of the Sarah Palin emails. Coincidence? Conspiracy? Discuss.

Caption contest

Pope Benny and Joe Biden met at the Vatican last week to discuss the relative advantages of pope-mobiles versus Amtrak, or something (no transcript was or will be released – it’s all very mysterious). What do you think they said?


(Did you know that Biden is the first Catholic vice president of the United States?)

Today -100: June 10, 1911: Of little hatchets, conventions, long falls, and feather beds

Carrie Nation, “saloon smasher” extraordinaire, dies. She made a living off her notoriety by selling souvenir hatchets.

Possibly in Ms Nation’s honor, temperance advocate Tillie McGowan breaks up a picnic in Atchison, Kansas, at which beer was being served, chasing one of the picnickers into the Missouri River with a rifle.

Mexico will soon hold a convention of “the political party which has emanated from the revolution” to select a presidential candidate for the October elections. Since another name for “the political party which has emanated from the revolution” is Maderist, I venture to predict that its candidate will be Francisco Madero Jr.

Meanwhile, Madero refuses to attend a bull fight, objecting to the fact that he had been advertised as one of the spectators.

China demands a $10 million indemnity for the massacre of some of its citizens during the Mexican Revolution and for their property losses.

Possibly breaking new grounds in racism, a Cherokee state senator in Oklahoma is leading a fight against the appointment by Washington of a negro assistant supervisor of Indian schools for the Five Civilized Tribes. (A couple of days later the White House claimed that the announcement of the appointment was mistaken.)

Not breaking new grounds in racism at all, several wealthy white planters in Conecuh County, Alabama are arrested for holding their farm laborers in conditions of peonage.

Literally breaking new ground, a German aviator attempting to set an altitude record with a passenger instead falls 6,650 feet to his death. Which, to be fair, was probably a record.

Headline of the Day -100: “Suicide With Feather Bed.” Just what it sounds like: she suffocated herself to death. With a feather bed.

Good-enough governance

At his hearings to be ambassador to Afghanistan, Ryan Crocker admitted that “We’re not out to clearly create a shining city on a hill. That’s not going to happen.” So what is his definition of success? “Good-enough governance: Governance that is good enough to ensure that the country doesn’t degenerate back into a safe haven for al-Qaeda.”

The handful of Al Qaida who enjoyed safe haven in Afghanistan didn’t do any particular harm to the Afghan people, so Crocker is suggesting that the Afghans are basically irrelevant to the purpose of the war in Afghanistan, as far as the US is concerned. “Good enough for wogs,” he might as well have said.

---

NYT headline: “U.S. Is Intensifying a Secret Campaign of Yemen Airstrikes.” I’m pretty sure the Yemenis realize they’re being bombed, so this is no more a secret campaign than the “secret” bombing of Cambodia.

---

Liberty County (TX) Sheriff Capt. Rex Evans says that just because the tip that there were dozens of bodies buried on a farm came from a “psychic” did not make it any less valid. Er, yes it did.

Mini Him

A Mini. And the Mini’s driving some sort of car.

Today -100: June 9, 1911: Of earthquakes, burials, and calamities

Big earthquake in Mexico, 1,300 killed.

The new Mexican government is sending 1,500 to 2,000 troops to suppress the socialist utopia in Baja. It’s sending them by train via Los Angeles and San Diego. They will be disarmed while on the Arizona-to-San Diego portion of the trip.

The archbishop of Paris refuses to allow the late Prime Minister of France Maurice Rouvier a Catholic burial: the law separating church & state was passed during his premiership.

Teddy Roosevelt says he is definitely, absolutely not running for president in 1912 and it would be a “calamity” if he were nominated, and “there will be no more statements regarding the matter.” So I guess that settles that.

Today -100: June 8, 1911: Of suffrage, horsies, gasping senators, and crude expletives

The lower house of the Connecticut Legislature defeats women’s suffrage for municipal elections 168 to 49. It had passed the state Senate. Evidently it’s a little game in Connecticut: one house passes women’s suffrage, the other defeats it.

NYT: “Henry L. Stimson, the new Secretary of War, is fast acclimating himself to the atmosphere of the army. Accompanied by Gen. Leonard Wood, Chief of Staff, he rode on horseback to-day from Fort Myer, VA., to the drill camp of the Engineer Corps...” In 1911 “acclimating yourself to the atmosphere of the army” still meant riding a horse.

Headline of the Day -100: “Made Old Senators Gasp.” NY state senators were aghast when a young senator questioned a $9,000 earmark for his district that he hadn’t even asked for and which he said wasn’t needed. One senator suggested a monument be erected to the young senator, while another said that not accepting an appropriation was “little short of treason.” The treasonous senator? Franklin D. Roosevelt.

I admit I was a little excited to see in the NYT Index that there was a letter to the paper headlined “Crude expletives.” Imagine my disappointment that the writer was complaining about people who sprinkle conversations with “Is that so?”

President Barack Obama and Chancellor Angela Merkel hold a joint press conference

No one asks about Anthony Weiner’s penis. The end.

Today -100: June 7, 1911: The truth of history

Sen. Joseph Weldon Bailey (D-TX), at a gathering of Confederate veterans celebrating Jefferson Davis’s birthday, says “The truth of history was with the Confederate people. ... If the Southern people believed they could not remain in the Union with honor and safety, they had a right to secede.” The guest of honor was Jeff Davis’s old negro “body servant,” who is the only person who knows where the seal of the Confederate States is now, and he ain’t telling.

Man-On-Dog is in it to win it!

Rick Santorum entered the presidential race today, just in time to be cockblocked by Anthony Weiner. His email says, “I have stood up for family, faith, fetuses, and freedom.” I may have added one of those.

At his announcement, he talked about how his grandfather emigrated from fascist Italy, where everyone referred to him as “il mix spumeggiante di materia fecale lubrificante e che a volte è il sottoprodotto del sesso anale,” and came to the United States so he could achieve the American dream of working down a Pennsylvania coal mine until he was 72.

In Obama’s America, Little Ricky says, “Every single American will be hooked to the government with an IV.” I dunno, sounds better than working down a mine until you’re 72. I mean, if that’s the choice.

At Normandy, (today’s D-Day +67), evidently, “Those Americans risked everything so they could make that decision on their health care plan.”

George Stephanopoulos asked Santorum if Sarah Palin was right about Paul Revere. He refused to comment.

Today -100: June 6, 1911: Of Jews in the cavalry and negroes in Maryland

Maryland recently introduced various measures to disfranchise negroes in local elections, including property qualifications and a grandfather clause. These were ruled unconstitutional by the federal district court. The state is appealing, but the new three-day registration period began today, and there are no registers (registrars) willing to do the work, since whatever they do they would find themselves either violating the US constitution or committing an infraction under the state law, which penalizes registers who register more than 6 negroes.

President Taft orders that Col. Joseph Garrard, commander of the cavalry post at Fort Myer, be reprimanded for opposing the promotion of a private because he is Jewish.

And I know my American history

Sarah Palin’s national tour somehow took her into an interview on Fox News Sunday (oddly enough, she was in Arizona. That bus sure does get around). Note that the Fox transcript isn’t very good.

SOMEONE TAUGHT HER THE PHRASE “QUANTITATIVE EASING.” IF SOMEONE ASKED HER TO DEFINE “QUANTITATIVE EASING,” YOUTUBE WOULD EXPLODE: “And you add, too, the fact that this quantitative easing, one and two, hasn’t worked and we’re talking about Q.E. 3 already and the devalued dollar is an addition to this problem.”

SO THE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS WERE “SKEWED” BY PEOPLE BEING HIRED? “The month of April was tough, too. There were jobs added to the marketplace, Chris, but remember, that was McDonald’s out there with their big push to hire 50,000-some people. So, I think there were some numbers skewed last month, too.”

THOUGH OBVIOUSLY NOT AS NOBLE AS QUITTING HALFWAY THROUGH YOUR TERM: “And it’s very noble of President Obama to want to stay at the helm and maybe go down with this sinking ship.”

CROWDING OUT? “What President Palin would do is cut the federal budget, making sure that we’re crowding out private sector investment.”

SO THE ONLY THING THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD SPEND ITS INCOME ON IS SERVICING THE DEBT? “We rake in $58 billion a day, our federal government, via payroll taxes and or other revenue sources. If we prioritize and took that $68 billion a day and service our debt, we don’t have to raise that debt ceiling.”

“If I were in Congress, though, I would be a ‘no’ vote to raising that debt ceiling. I would send that message...” By ringing those bells and sending those warning shots, just like Paul Revere. “...that it is failed leadership in the White House and with our elected officials when they have allowed to us to get this breaking point, if you will, that Moody’s is warning about.” Actually, as Chris Wallace explained to you, Sarah, what Moody’s is warning about is Congress doing what you said you would do.

She’s “very frustrated” with the “spin” that Paul Ryan is trying to eliminate Medicare. “Now, what’s going to do away with Medicare is if we keep going down the road that we’re on. But Obama evidently wants us to go down because we will have a bankrupt Medicare system.” She does not explain why Obama wants to bankrupt Medicare.

On Afghanistan, it’s all up to David Petraeus: “Now, I have great faith in Petraeus and he -- his folks with boots on the ground and on the front lines, I trust that Petraeus will know of this timeline that makes most sense for America’s interest to be met in Afghanistan.” Four invocations of Saint David. Who is retiring in September.

TO PERHAPS WANT US THERE: “Take Afghanistan, conditions certainly have changed even in this last week or two when President Karzai comes out and acts like the host nation to perhaps want us there, or NATO. NATO, as we help lead NATO, we are still concerned about civilians and making sure that civilian casualties are not part of any kind of strategy. And yet, that kind of get thrown back in our face...” Don’t you hate it when they throw our killing civilians back in our face? “...and there -- it sounds like a message being sent to America...” Possibly by ringing those bells and sending those warning shots, just like Paul Revere. “...and to NATO today by President Karzai that perhaps we’re not wanted there.” And if there’s one thing Sarah Palin hates, it’s people who go where they’re not wanted.

“Yes, those two factors, Chris, that you mention have got to be considered and revaluated. ‘A,’ the host nation ability to understand what it is that we are trying to do for them and with them in their nation; and the cost of war. Three wars that we’re going engaged in today and our country nearing bankruptcy, we have to rethink everything that we’re doing with foreign aid and with foreign intervention. We have got to make sure that it’s America’s interest first being met in each one of these nations.” So she’s complaining about Afghanistan’s “ability to understand” what we’re trying to do “for them and with them,” which she says is putting America’s interest first. What’s so difficult to understand about that, Afghanistan?

She is not on “some publicity tour,” she says in this umpteenth interview on her non-publicity tour. “I’m publicizing Americana and our foundation and how important it is that we learn about our past and our challenges and victories throughout American history, so that we can successfully proceed forward -- very heady days, rough waters ahead of us, Chris. We need to make sure that we have a strong grasp of our foundational victories so we can move forward.” Prepare to have your grasp of our foundational victories strengthened:

You know what? I didn’t mess up about Paul Revere. Here is what Paul Revere did. He warned the Americans that the British were coming, the British were coming, and they were going to try take our arms and we got to make sure that we were protecting ourselves and shoring up all of ammunitions and our firearms so that they couldn’t take it. But remember that the British had already been there, many soldiers for seven years in that area. And part of Paul Revere’s ride -- and it wasn’t just one ride -- he was a courier, he was a messenger. Part of his ride was to warn the British that we’re already there. That, hey, you’re not going to succeed. You’re not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have. He did warn the British. And in a shout-out, gotcha type of question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history.

And now, so do we all.

(The gotcha type of question in question: “What have you been doing during your visit to Boston?”)

SHE MEANT TO RUN THEM OVER WITH HER BUS: “I apologize if I stepped on any -- any of that PR that Mitt Romney needed or wanted that day. I do sincerely apologize. I didn’t mean to step on anybody’s toes.”

Today -100: June 5, 1911: Of labor battles

Striking Pennsylvania Railroad workers exchange gunfire with scabs.

Today -100: June 4, 1911: Of judsons, shaftings, and death threats

Judson Harmon, Democratic governor of Ohio, will run for president in 1912. Judson fever... catch it!

Dirty-Sounding-But-Not-Really-Dirty Headline of the Day -100: “Whirled to Death in Shafting.” Actually a horrible cement-related death.

Texas Governor Oscar Branch Colquitt will deliver a series of anti-prohibition speeches. He has received so many death threats (one involving dynamite) that he will travel with a body guard.

Just tell me when this whole Weiner thing blows...um...over

Barack Obama visited a Chrysler plant in Toledo, and I couldn’t even get past the opening warming-up-the-crowd remarks, because I kept making the same stupid joke:

THAT’S WHAT ANTHONY WEINER SAYS ABOUT HIS PENIS: “I just want you to know that I stopped by Rudy’s -- (laughter) -- had two hot dogs, two chili dogs with onions.”


THAT’S WHAT ANTHONY WEINER SAYS ABOUT HIS PENIS: “I just took a short tour of the plant and watched some of you putting the finishing touches on the Wrangler.”

THAT’S WHAT ANTHONY WEINER SAYS ABOUT HIS PENIS: “And this plant indirectly supports hundreds of other jobs right here in Toledo. After all, without you, who’d eat at Chet’s or Inky’s or Rudy’s? Or who’d buy all those cold ones at Zinger’s? This guy right here? That’s the Zinger crew right there.”


I think it’s time for this member (yeah, yeah, I said member) of the Zinger crew to go lie down.

...And take a nap! A nap is why I’m going to go lie down! And not for any other reason!!

Today -100: June 3, 1911: Of cram, phone calls, and who owns Guatemala

Dirty-Sounding-But-Not-Really-Dirty Headline of the Day -100: “M’Aneny Asks Dix to Withdraw Cram.”

The cost of telephone calls in 1911 NYC: the Public Service Commission has ordered reductions in rates. Henceforth calls from Manhattan to Brooklyn will cost 5 for 5 minutes or less (reduced from 10 ), and those from Manhattan to Long Island will be 10 , down from 15 .

An American-French syndicate headed by A. E. Spriggs, the former lieutenant governor of Montana, now owns Guatemala. That is, it has been granted rights to the country’s entire mineral resources (for which it will pay the Guatemalan government 10% of the profits), exclusive rights to use waterways, and rights to build roads, railways, bridges, etc, to operate telephone and telegraph lines, electric plants and any other public utilities it sees fit, to sell farm products, operate banks and newspapers, etc etc.

I couldn’t avoid doing a Weiner joke forever

Today, Twitt Romney announced for the presidency at a family farm, “where he invited supporters and media to a ‘Cookout With Mitt and Ann.’”

Meanwhile, Anthony Weiner invited supporters and media to a... oh, you’re way ahead of me, aren’t you?

Today -100: June 2, 1911: Of respectable saloon keepers, Tubman, and sacrilege

The Women’s Christian Temperance Union tries to get the principal of the Frances Willard Public School in Chicago, which is named after the WCTU founder, fired for saying that “a respectable saloon keeper is just as respectable as a respectable banker.” They say that for Ms Reed to keep her job would be “an insult directed at the organization and at womanhood in general.” The school board does not fire her, but does direct that in future principals and teachers should “refrain from making public any comparison likely to incur ill-will or hatred between classes of citizens as regards religion, race, nationality, or occupation.”

Harriet Tubman, aged 89, is destitute and has to enter a home for old black people that was founded a few years before with donations from Tubman herself.

The NY Legislature passes a bill banning plays (including those performed privately) from having “a living character representing the Deity.”

Imprimatur

The Supreme Court rules 8-0 that Abdullah al-Kidd can’t sue then-Attorney General John Ashcroft for misusing the material witness statute to imprison him for reasons that had nothing to do with him being a material witness to anything.

In a concurring opinion, Sotomayor wrote, “Nothing in the majority’s opinion today should be read as placing this court’s imprimatur on the actions taken by the government against al-Kidd.”

Unless you count making it impossible for him to receive any sort of redress for those actions, and doing nothing that would prevent governments in the future locking up anyone they want to without evidence or trial.