Thursday, March 09, 2006

To the extent one were to occur


The Senate agrees not to take unreported free meals from lobbyists. Trent Lott is furious: “It’s totally ludicrous that we are doing this. I’ll be eating with my wife and so will a lot more senators after we pass this one.” Somehow I don’t think Mrs. Lott is too thrilled about it either.
(Update: wait, did Lott mean that a lot more senators will be eating with his wife or with their own wives?)

Rumsfeld unveiled his secret plan for Iraq: “The plan is to prevent a civil war and, to the extent one were to occur, to have the Iraqi security forces deal with it, to the extent they are able to.” For a start, it’s just good business sense. Rummy says American soldiers cost $90,000 a year to maintain abroad, while Afghan soldiers cost $11,000, Iraqis $40,000. The real problem, though, is that the enemy refuses to play fair: “These enemies cannot win a single conventional battle, so they challenge us through nontraditional asymmetric means with terror as their weapon of choice.” Right, they’re not fighting conventional warfare, and they’re also not using cavalry, they’re not marching in formation, they’re not carrying muskets. I know he had the Pentagon buy all those little plastic soldiers and was really looking forward to pushing them around a table while making “kapow” noises...

From the Indy, another in our series, Newspaper Headlines So Good That The Story is Bound to be Disappointing: “Mexico Enlists Sex Dolls in Battle Against Harassment.”

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