Short for Terrence?

The news broke that Prince Harry has been in Afghanistan for several months, so don’t expect any actual news out of British newspapers for a few days.

His job has been calling in bombing raids on what he calls “Terry Taliban and his mates.” On the radio, he was known only as Widow Six Seven, although he does order air strikes with the words, “Off with their heads.”

(Update: Terry is actually short for Terrorist.)

Israel’s deputy defense minister has threatened that further rocket attacks from Gaza “will bring upon themselves a bigger holocaust”. And no, that’s not a translation error.

Concerned

At a press conference in Japan, Condi Rice, who had just had a meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Olmert, condemned Hamas rocket attacks on Israel but failed to mention the killing of a 6-month-old baby in Gaza by an Israeli air strike until a reporter asked about it. Her response: “We have to remember that the Hamas activities there are responsible for what has happened in Gaza”. She claimed, without offering any evidence, that “we are concerned about the innocent people and we are concerned about the humanitarian situation.” But, somehow, she failed to get around to condemning specifically the Israeli killing of a 6-month-old baby.

Bush press conference: He gains a lot from it by saying, look at me, I’m now recognized by the President of the United States

In a meeting with the Czech prime minister yesterday, Bush tried to reassure Russia about his Star Wars program: “If some of these countries develop a weapon that’s capable of developing a nuclear warhead, free nations, nations such as Russia, do not want to be in a position of political blackmail.” Free nations such as Russia? Define “free.”

Maliki (remember him?) said in a broadcast speech, “National reconciliation efforts have succeeded in Iraq and the Iraqis have once again become loving brothers.” See, and you didn’t think the Iraqis would once again becoming loving brothers.

Bush held a press conference this morning.

He accused opponents of the war in Iraq of being, gasp, consistent: “It seems that no matter what happens in Iraq opponents to the war have one answer: Retreat. ... I guess you could say that when it comes for pushing for withdrawal, their strategy is to stay the course.”

He said he’s “concerned about working Americans, concerned about people who want to put money on the table”. Of course he’s even more concerned about people who want to put money in their gold bathtubs and dive into it naked.



THE R WORD: “I don’t think we’re headed to a recession, but no question we’re in a slowdown.” Er, isn’t a recession a slowdown by, you know, definition? When he kept denying that Iraq was in a civil war, I suggested, as a compromise, “crapfest.” I offer it again now.

IN OTHER WORDS: “Credit will happen in the first week of May. In other words, some people will choose to have their bank accounts credited.”

AND ALL THAT STUFF. “I know there’s a lot of -- here in Washington, people are trying to -- stimulus package two and all that stuff. Why don’t we let stimulus package one, which seemed like a good idea at the time, have a chance to kick in?”



He explained why the Kurds should embrace being invaded by Turkey: “One, the Turks, the Americans, and the Iraqis, including the Iraqi Kurds, share a common enemy in the PKK. And secondly, it’s in nobody’s interests that there be safe haven for people who are -- have the willingness to kill innocent people.”



IN OTHER WORDS: “I strongly agree with the sentiments of Secretary Gates, who said that the incursion must be limited, and must be temporary in nature. In other words, it shouldn’t be long-lasting.”

So how long is long?

Q: But how quickly, sir, do they need to move out?

Bush: You know, as quickly as possible.

Q: Days or weeks?

Bush: Well, as possible.

A reporter asked about Clinton and Obama’s lack of familiarity with Putin’s successor slash puppet, but rather annoyingly didn’t ask Russert’s question, “What is his name?” Bush admitted, “I don’t know much about Medvedev either.” You might want to get on that.



However, he did say that “it is in the interest of the country to have a relationship” with him. Then he dropped the bombshell that will send Kim Jong-il to bed weeping into his pillow tonight: “I’m not going to have a personal relationship with Kim Jong-il, and our relationships are such that that’s impossible.”

(Incidentally, I’m opposed to orchestras performing in North Korea until all the kidnapped actors and directors are accounted for.)

He returned to the theme of Obama’s naivete later: “What’s lost by embracing a tyrant who puts his people in prison because of their political beliefs? What’s lost is it will send the wrong message. It will send a discouraging message to those who wonder whether America will continue to work for the freedom of prisoners. It will give great status to those who have suppressed human rights and human dignity.” Great status? Well, everyone in a room with Bush does look smarter and more dignified by comparison...



“I’m not suggesting there’s never a time to talk, but I’m suggesting now is not the time -- not to talk with Raul Castro. He’s nothing more than an extension of what his brother did, which was to ruin an island”. What, he turned it into an isthmus?

Comedy tip of the day: the word isthmus is always funny.

Bush: And the idea of embracing a leader who’s done this without any attempt on his part to release prisoners and free their society would be counterproductive and send the wrong signal.”

AGAIN, MAY I SUGGEST “CRAPFEST”:

Q: No one is saying embrace him, they’re just saying talk --

Bush: Well, talking to him is embracing. Excuse me. Let me use another word -- you’re right, ‘embrace’ is like big hug, right? You’re looking -- I do embrace people. Mike, one of these days, I’m just thinking about -- (laughter.) Right, okay, good, thank you for reminding me to use a different word. Sitting down at the table, having your picture taken with a tyrant such as Raul Castro, for example, lends the status of the office and the status of our country to him. He gains a lot from it by saying, look at me, I’m now recognized by the President of the United States.

That does sound like just exactly the sort of thing Raul would say.

Bush concluded: “And in my judgment, it would be a mistake -- on the two countries you talked about.” Cuba and Iran, George, Cuba and Iran. It helps to remember what countries you’re talking about.

However, he won’t let a little thing like lack of freedom prevent him enjoying the Olympics. “And maybe I’m in a little different position. Others don’t have a chance to visit with Hu Jintao, but I do.” Then he went on for a bit about how “every time I meet with him I talk about religious freedom” and how “if you’re allowed to worship freely, it will benefit the society” and “the Chinese government should not fear the idea of people praying to a god as they see fit” etc.. He didn’t mention any other sort of freedom, just religious freedom.

HAVE ALLEGED. On retroactive telecom immunity: “The government said to those who have alleged to have helped us that it is in our national interests and it’s legal”. Even if (when) this is passed, the claim that it was legal will still have been a lie, you know.



COINCIDENTALLY, WHAT’S IN HIS OWN HEAD: GRAVY. “And now, all of a sudden, plaintiffs attorneys, class-action plaintiffs attorneys, you know -- I don’t want to try to get inside their head; I suspect they see, you know, a financial gravy train -- are trying to sue these companies.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “I firmly believe that free trade is essential to the formation of high-paying, quality jobs. In other words, people who work for industries that export goods to overseas are likely to be paid more than their -- other workers.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “I also know it’s in our interest to insist that when people sell products into our countries [sic], that we get treated fairly. In other words, if we treat a country one way, people in a country one way, we expect to be treated the same way -- like Colombia.”

My favorite part of the presser came when he tried to spin the torpedoing of local elections in Iraq as a triumph of democracy: “a member of the presidency council utilized his constitutional right to veto one of the three pieces of legislation recently passed. I understand the use of the veto, intend to continue to use it, but I thought it was a healthy sign that people are thinking through the legislation that’s passed, and they’re worrying about making sure that laws are constitutional.”

HE HAS AN MBA, YOU KNOW: “We believe in a strong dollar policy, and we believe that -- and I believe that our economy has got the fundamentals in place for us to be a -- is to grow and continue growing more robustly, hopefully, than we’re growing now. And the dollar, the value of the dollar will be reflected in the ability for our economy to be -- to grow economically. And so we’re still for a strong dollar.”

Asked about the predictions of $4 per gallon gasoline by summer, Bush said, “That’s interesting. I hadn’t heard that.” Again, by the way, a reporter missed a great gotcha opportunity by failing to preface his question by asking Bush what the price of gas is now.

DOESN’T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD TRANSITORY: “And this -- I view it as a transitory period to new technologies that will change the way we live”.

AND I’M SURE THEY APPRECIATE IT. “This administration has done more for renewables than any President.”

LOOKING AT WHAT’S HAPPENED IN CORN OUT THERE. “Again, I repeat, if you look at what’s happened in corn out there, you’re beginning to see the food issue and the energy issue collide.”

Democratic Debate: There’s a difference between denouncing and rejecting. No there isn’t. Yes there is.

Condi was in Beijing yesterday, and had a press conference with China’s foreign minister. A China Central Television reporter asked her a question using the phrase “Taiwan’s so-called referendum” three times. She didn’t take the hint and use that phrase in her reply, but did say that “this referendum is not going to help anyone and, in fact, it shouldn’t be held.”

Okay, I thought I had more from that presser, but I guess I don’t.

So it’s on to the last, one can but hope, primary debate of 2008, in which Tim Russert made that Chinese reporter look good by comparison.

Transcript.

Pictures below illustrate the many hand gestures of the Democratic Party and of Paraguayan presidential candidates Pedro Fadul and Blanca Ovelar, who also debated last night, just because my news photo search also turned up pictures from that debate.

The first part was devoted to health insurance, sixteen full minutes as Bryan Williams pointed out aggrievedly, sounding as if he’d been forced to sit through a four-hour speech by Fidel Castro.

Both candidates said “health care” when they actually meant private health insurance. Only a public employee who doesn’t have to deal with a private insurance company would consider the two to be synonymous. (That reminds me that I never finished writing a post I started a couple of weeks ago on Clinton and Obama’s insurance plans; it wasn’t as intellectually coherent as I liked, and every other sentence was “Fucking Blue Cross just raised my fucking premiums twenty-five fucking percent!”) Hillary: “You know, for example, it’s been unfortunate that Senator Obama has consistently said that I would force people to have health care whether they could afford it or not.” So you’re not planning to make people have appendectomies against their will? Good to know. Obama: “Every expert has said that anybody who wants health care under my plan will be able to obtain it.”


Side-pointy

Hillary insisted that many of the uninsured can afford it, they’re just “young people who think they’re immortal.” I guess she just lost the young-people-who-think-they’re-immortal vote, although I suspect Obama already had a lock on that.

Obama: “With respect to the young people, my plan specifically says that up until the age of 25 you will be able to be covered under your parents’ insurance plan, so that cohort that Senator Clinton is talking about will, in fact, have coverage.” Except for the poor, forgotten orphans.


Side-pointy, up-pointy

Hillary complained that she was being picked on while Obama was being coddled: “Well, can I just point out that in the last several debates, I seem to get the first question all the time.”

Obama said the Clinton campaign has “constantly sent out negative attacks on us, e-mail, robocalls, flyers, television ads, radio calls” (radio calls?) (Update: oh, I get it, he means call-ins to talk radio), but “we haven’t whined about it”. Unless you count what he just, you know, said.



Clinton: “I have been a critic of NAFTA from the very beginning. I didn’t have a public position on it, because I was part of the administration, but when I started running for the Senate, I have been a critic”. So we’ll just have to take her word about having been a critic from the very beginning? No, wait: “I think David Gergen was on TV today remembering that I was very skeptical about it.” So that settles that to our perfect satisfaction.

Obama: “we can’t shy away from globalization.”


Double pointy

Clinton says it’s unfair to compare Obama’s 2002 speech against the forthcoming Iraq war with her record in the Senate voting to authorize it because “Many people gave speeches against the war then... And when he came to the Senate, he and I have voted exactly the same. We have voted for the money to fund the war until relatively recently. So the fair comparison was when we both had responsibility, when it wasn’t just a speech but it was actually action, where is the difference?” Yah, his principles are just as compromised as mine! We’re both sell-outs! Vote for me!

Obama’s response: “Once we had driven the bus into the ditch, there were only so many ways we could get out. The question is, who’s making the decision initially to drive the bus into the ditch?” See, that metaphor totally explains away his votes for Iraq war funding.


Me and my loud tie are crushing your head!

Russert asked Obama about Farrakhan’s announcement that he supported Obama for president. Obama said that he hadn’t asked for that support, could hardly stop the man supporting him, and added, “You know, I have been very clear in my denunciation of Minister Farrakhan’s anti-Semitic comments. I think that they are unacceptable and reprehensible.” Which was funny, because nobody had said anything yet about Minister Farrakhan’s anti-Semitic comments. Russert then proceeded to repeat every single anti-Semitic comment Minister Farrakhan has ever made in his entire life, as though Obama hadn’t just said he denounced them, then accusingly asked him, “What do you do to assure Jewish-Americans that, whether it’s Farrakhan’s support or the activities of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, your pastor, you are consistent with issues regarding Israel and not in any way suggesting that Farrakhan epitomizes greatness?” This forced Obama to go on at length about how Jews in Chicago love him and about his unwavering, unequivocal, unthinking support of Israel, whose “security is sacrosanct”, and “the United States is in a special relationship with them, as is true with my relationship with the Jewish community.” However, I don’t believe he assured Jewish-Americans that he was not in any way suggesting that Farrakhan epitomizes greatness. Let the attack ads commence.


Side handy, shrug handy

Hillary, who also loves her some Jews, informed Obama that “there’s a difference between denouncing and rejecting.” Also between disavowing and rebuffing, objurgating and spurning, condemning and repudiating, excoriating and abjuring.

Obama rejected (and denounced) this lexicological specificity: “I have to say I don’t see a difference between denouncing and rejecting. ... But if the word ‘reject’ Senator Clinton feels is stronger than the word ‘denounce,’ then I’m happy to concede the point, and I would reject and denounce.”


Boob-covery, pointy

Obama also rejected and denounced the National Journal’s rating of him as the most liberal senator. Then he crossed over into that monomaniacal place every politician reaches sooner or later, and started speaking of himself in the third person: “And part of the reason I think a lot of people have been puzzled, why is it that Senator Obama’s campaign, the supposed liberal, is attracting more Independent votes than any other candidate in the Democratic primary, and Republican votes as well, and then people are scratching their head? It’s because people don’t want to go back to those old categories of what’s liberal and what’s conservative.” Really?

more at twiigs.com...

Russert asked Hillary, “What can you tell me about the man who’s going to be Mr. Putin’s successor?” Dude, do your own research. Google, Wikipedia.

Inherent in the words “who’s going to be Mr. Putin’s successor” is the (absolutely correct) assumption that the actual Russian elections do not matter, an assumption Hillary failed to remark upon. It will be interesting to see if there is a reaction from Russia.

After she went on for a bit about the man who’s going to be Mr. Putin’s successor, the state of the Russian polity, etc, Russert asked the question I was wondering, “Do you know his name?” She fumbled through several attempts to pronounce Medvedev, finally saying, “whatever.” We’ll never know if Obama knew his name.

(Incidentally, I didn’t actually watch most of the debate, so I’m not sure if it’s a transcript error that has Obama saying he was getting “filibuttered.” But filibuttered is my new favorite word.)

Obama said that if Russian troops join Serbs in attacking Kosovo (this was Russert’s scenario), he’d get NATO to do something or other. He added that “We have recognized the country of Kosovo as an independent, sovereign nation... And I think that that carries with it, then, certain obligations to ensure that they are not invaded.” Recognizing a country requires that, Barry? Because we’ve recognized 150, 180 of the suckers.

Hillary: “Well, obviously, I’ve said many times that, although my vote on the 2002 authorization regarding Iraq was a sincere vote, I would not have voted that way again.” So after 2002 you gave up the whole “sincerity” thing because it just wasn’t working out for you, is that what you’re saying, Hills?

A mission of mercy

A reminder: there are currently seven hunger-striking prisoners in Guantanamo being forcibly fed.

This morning Bush talked at the Leon Sullivan Foundation about his trip to Africa. “America,” he told the audience, “is on a mission of mercy.” A mission that has, evidently, conquered death itself: “You see it when you look into the eyes of an AIDS patient who has been brought back to life.” We’re just that good.


He mentioned that in the fight against malaria Benin has instituted “a national awareness day called ‘George W. Bush Day.’” Well, when you want to remind people of the dangers of annoying, disease-bearing insects...

In Rwanda, he visited the memorial center for the 1994 genocide. “I don’t know if our citizens understand this, but between 800,000 and a million people were murdered in a very short period of time.” I don’t know if our citizens understand that either, but it’s a safe bet George didn’t understand it until, oh, about a week ago.

He talked repeatedly during the speech about African children who are going to school for the first time, about the importance of education for bettering these countries’ economies, about the US providing textbooks, etc etc, but, you know, this is George Bush, so he didn’t see anything contradictory about letting his personal attitude towards schooling show by remarking about children in Ghana watching his motorcade, “I suspect they’re really happy I came -- they didn’t have to go to school...”

No one could have anticipated...

WaPo headline: “NATO Confronts Surprisingly Fierce Taliban.”

To whom is it surprising that the Taliban are fierce?

One, it’s not fair

This morning, Bush spoke to the National Governors’ Association.

He told the governors (and governators), “Now, as you know, I’m a big believer that government ought to empower people who have got a great capacity to help change people’s lives.” By which he of course means shoveling money to religious groups, because “You know, we ought to be asking what works -- not the process.” Yes, if there’s one thing all religions teach, it’s that the ends justify the means. He gave all the governors a copy of The Watchtower a pamphlet on his “faith-based and community initiative” called The Quiet Revolution. Yeah, that doesn’t sound creepy at all.

He explained what was inherent in Medicare reform: “First of all, inherent in the Medicare reform was one that made no sense not to provide prescription drugs for seniors.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there’s some wonderful things going on, all market-driven. And we just want to facilitate those decisions because, in my judgment, the opposite of having the government here in Washington be the decision-maker will undermine private medicine, will make quality care more difficult.”

He also spoke at length about warrantless wiretaps, and I’d like to give that at greater length than I usually do (because too long exposure may cause bleeding from the eyes), just so you can get the flavor of the master rhetorician at work:

I get briefed every morning about threats we face, and they're real. And therefore the question is, what do you do about them? In my judgment, we have got to give the professionals who work hard to protect us all the tools they need. To put it bluntly, if the enemy is calling to America, we really need to know what they’re saying. And we need to know what they’re thinking. And we need to know who they’re talking to.

This is a different kind of struggle than we’ve ever faced before. It’s essential that we understand the mentality of these killers. And so therefore we worked with Congress to protect -- pass the Protect America Act, which everybody knows has expired. And I want to share with you the core of the problem. And the problem is, should companies who are believed to have helped us -- after 9/11 until today -- get information necessary to protect the country, be sued. And my answer is, absolutely not; they shouldn’t be sued, for a couple of reasons.

One, it’s not fair. Our government told them that their participation was necessary, and it was -- and still is -- and that what we had asked them to do was legal. And now they’re getting sued for billions of dollars -- and it’s not fair, and it will create doubt amongst private sector folks who we need to help protect us. ...

Finally, it’ll make it harder to convince companies to participate in the future. I mean, if you’ve done something that you think is perfectly legal and all of a sudden you’re facing billions of dollars of lawsuits, it’s going to be hard to provide -- with credibility -- assurances that we can go forward. ...

What I do want to share with you is that there’s a lot of good folks, and you know it, too, and I want to thank you all very much for these counterterrorism cells.

Then what’s the point of even having a prime minister?

London Sunday Times: “Downing Street has rejected an online petition that calls on Gordon Brown to sing, ‘We’re going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line,’ while standing in a barrel of custard. The petitioner has been told: ‘This is outside the remit of the prime minister.’”

Do you suppose that these days Osama bin Laden gets annoyed when people mistake his name for Barack Obama’s?

Do you suppose the reason Hillary Clinton can get so few people excited about the prospect of the first woman president is that everyone is just kind of embarrassed that it’s so overdue, in the way that a 33-year old who has just lost his virginity is less likely to trumpet the fact to his friends than a 17-year old?

Headline of the Day (London Times) and Death of the Day: “Runaway Lawnmower Kills Buddhist Monk.” At the Peace Pagoda in Milton Keynes. The thing got away from him, he ran after it trying to get back into the cab, but was pulled under the blades, possibly because he was missing three fingers. From another lawnmower accident ten years ago.

Other Death of the Day (also London Times): “Man Choked in Cake-Eating Contest.”

George Bush hosted the 100th annual state dinner for US governors, which may well also have featured a cake-eating contest. Although it was scheduled at the same time as the Academy Awards, somehow Jack Nicholson was sitting in the front row wearing sunglasses indoors there too. He’s just that good.

Bush said of that first dinner, “I can’t imagine what they were thinking about what America would look like a hundred years ago. And I’m not sure what people will think a hundred years from now.” They’ll still think you were the worst president ever.

By the way, the governors’ dinner was initiated by Teddy Roosevelt, for whom the teddy bear was named, and the song “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” was written by the same man who wrote “We’re Going to Hang out the Washing on the Siegfried Line.” So it all ties together.

Here are Bush and my steamed esteemed governor. But what, oh what, could they be saying, readers?

Potential

Moqtada al-Sadr has ordered a six-month extension of his cease-fire. Gen. David Petraeus welcomed this development: “The continuation of the cease-fire is an important commitment by al-Sayyid Moqtada al-Sadr that holds the potential for a further reduction in violence in Iraq. The US, however, will continue to kill lots and lots of Iraqis.” (I may have made up that second sentence.)

Democratic debate: Change you can xerox

Transcript.

Obama: “The problem we have is that Washington has become a place where good ideas go to die.” Yes, but on the other hand, it’s a place where crappy ideas go to live.

Hillary wants a “trade time-out.”

Pointy

As with her vote for the Iraq war authorization, Hillary says she was totally snookered when she voted for the border fence: “I think when both of us voted for this, we were voting for the possibility that where it was appropriate and made sense, it would be considered. But as with so much, the Bush administration has gone off the deep end”. What she wants now: “smart fencing.”

Obama responded well to the line Clinton has recently been directing at his supporters, “Let’s get real.” “The implication,” he said, “is that the people who’ve been voting for me or involved in my campaign are somehow delusional.” Actually, the implication is that they’re naive, don’t know how things are done in the real world, and are easily distracted by shiny objects. Which, admittedly, a lot of them are. The thing is, the people she’s insulting are not just Obama supporters, they are American citizens who exercised their constitutional rights in the manner they saw fit. That’s the basis of representative democracy, so politicians are kind of expected to pretend to have a bit more respect it.

It’s also not good as a form of persuasion. She’s not going to win over people who are leaning towards Obama by telling them “Let’s get real” with all the disdain of a parent addressing a son who has just informed them he wants to major in dance.

Pointy

Obama does pretend to respect the voters. He pretends the crap out of it. Indeed, he pretends that he is leading some sort of movement, through the power of his pretty, pretty oratory, which will “inspire the American people to get involved in their government and ... inspire them to go beyond the racial divisions and the religious divisions and the regional divisions that have plagued our politics for so long”. He never says anything about how the American people will get involved in their government after they vote for him in November. In the words of Stephen Colbert in the first episode of The Colbert Report, “Your voice will be heard, in the form of my voice.”

Pointy pointy

Clinton pushed the charge of plagiarism, a charge so thin that it will convince many people that he must be practically perfect because there is nothing more substantial that she can say against him: “Well, I think that if your candidacy is going to be about words, then they should be your own words. That’s, I think, a very simple proposition. And, you know, lifting whole passages from someone else’s speeches is not change you can believe in, it’s change you can Xerox.” You can see that her candidacy isn’t going to be about words, because the phrase “change you can Xerox” doesn’t actually mean anything.

Asked if her claim that “One of us is ready to be commander in chief” implied in a, you know, subtle way, that Obama isn’t, she refused to repeat it in front of him. “Well, I believe that I am ready and I am prepared. And I will leave that to the voters to decide.” Will you? We have your permission? How fucking gracious.

How is she ready and prepared? “What I mean is that, you know, for more than 15 years, I’ve been honored to represent our country in more than 80 countries”. In the same way that Laura Bush just represented the US in five African countries?

As you can tell, it’s been too many debates for me, and I am just sick of the both of them. I am tired with the little bits of debate theatrics, as when Barack pretends to be jotting something down when Hillary is speaking. Once, she turned her head a little bit towards him at a moment when he was looking at her; he jerked his head away abruptly as if he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and started writing. What do you think he writes? He’s left-handed, by the way. I seem to remember that an unusual number of presidents have been left-handed.


He also has this aristocratic looking-down-his-nose thing. Just saying.

Bush in Africa: A chance to herald courageous people in their efforts to deal with hopelessness

On his way home from Africa on Air Force One, Bush chatted with reporters.

HERALDRY: “the second trip to Africa for me, the fifth for Laura -- was a chance to herald courageous people in their efforts to deal with hopelessness.”

WHAT REALLY MADE HIM HAPPY: “And what really made me happy was that the people of Africa have come to appreciate the generosity of the American people.”

WHAT WAS INSPIRING TO HIM: “To have the little orphans in Rwanda put on such a cheerless -- a cheery face because somebody is trying to provide them love, was inspiring to me. To watch their little guys play tee ball...”

THAT’S WHAT I THINK WE ARE: “Anyway, it’s the human condition that matters. You heard me say a lot on the trip that we’re on a mission of mercy, and that’s what I think we are.”

YOU SAY POTATO: “America should not be dictating to these countries. America ought to be helping leaders make decisions.”

At this point Laura Bush spoke up, and explained what she considers fun: “One of the really great things that I got to do was be a part of the Tanzanians new Action Plan for Vulnerable Children and Orphans. A lot of these countries have huge numbers of orphans, either from AIDS or malaria or from conflict. And they are so proud to have started their -- to be, really, the first country to come up with their plan on how to identify orphans all over the country and vulnerable children all over the country, and then what to do to help them. And that was fun.”

Asked about African interest in the Obama candidacy, Bush insisted that it “never came up,” and that Africans really have no interest in Obama:

Q: People would mention it to us.

Bush: If you asked them, yes. “What do you think about Obama?” Yes, they mentioned it to you all right; yes.

THE HISTORIOGRAPHER-IN-CHIEF: “I would just tell you this -- and you’ve heard me say it and it’s true -- there’s no such thing as short-term political history. I mean, short-term history of an administration -- forget ‘political’ -- there is such thing as short-term political history because there’s an end result, win or lose. There’s no such thing as an accurate history of an administration until time has lapsed -- unless you’re doing little-bitty things.”

THE REMINDERER-IN-CHIEF: “And one of the great dangers for America is to become isolationist or protectionist. And the purpose of -- on trips like this is to remind people of the need not to become isolationist.”

Condi Rice was asked about her attempt to get the people who won the Kenyan elections to form a government with the people who lost the Kenyan elections. “This is a matter of the two sides setting aside personal animosities and personal agendas and doing what’s right for their country.” Oh, and the elections, those have to be set aside as well.

She does believe that such a deal is possible: “they are under enormous pressure from the Kenyan people -- from the business communities, civil society, the media -- everybody talks about outside interference with the -- the impatience of the Kenyan people who see their society, their economy -- the Serena Hotel, where Kofi Annan is staying, 30 percent occupancy; the InterContinental, 1 percent occupancy. And Kenya can’t stand that for very long. So that’s where the pressure is coming from.” Oh, and the mass killings and violence. That, and the 1% occupancy rate at the InterContinental Hotel.

NOT THE THING: “The PEPFAR program has been great. It’s a bipartisan success. Congress funded the thing -- not the ‘thing,’ Congress funded the program”.

The video you asked for, the video you demanded, the video... oh, just watch Bush dance. Dance, monkey boy, dance!

Bush in Africa: It’s easier to tear a country down than it is to rebuild a country

Bush’s trip to Africa, the second of his administration, is almost over. It lasted about as long as the one to the Middle East last month, didn’t it?

Everywhere he went, there were drummers. Evidently Africa only has one musical instrument.

Here he is going to a state dinner in Ghana. I believe the gentleman in the foreground is in charge of the potato salad.


Then he moved on to Liberia, where he noted that Laura “is the librarian in the family.” So presumably she’ll fit right in.


Liberia, he pointed out, is just like Texas: they both have a single star in their flag.


ONE OF? YOU MEAN YOU’VE LEARNED MORE THAN ONE THING? “You know, one of the things I’ve learned, and I suspect the people of Liberia have learned: It’s easier to tear a country down than it is to rebuild a country.” Damn Ikea instructions.

Africans will be relieved to hear this endorsement: “I believe African leaders can run African countries.”

Not that that stopped him trying on his new “Emperor of Africa” costume.

Bush in Africa: And the United States hasn’t tried to impose a will

Today Bush held a press conference with Ghanaian President John Kufuor.

ASKED BY WHOM? “I’m oftentimes asked, what difference does it make to America if people are dying of malaria in a place like Ghana?” Oh; it’s Cheney who asks that, isn’t it?

SO WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE TO AMERICA? “It means a lot. It means a lot morally, it means a lot from a -- it’s in our national interest. After all, if you believe we’re in an ideological struggle against extremism, which I do, the only way these people can recruit is when they find hopeless people. And there’s nothing more hopeless than a mother losing a child needlessly to a mosquito bite.” I forget: were many of the 9/11 hijackers Ghanaian mothers?

IN OTHER WORDS: “we do not contemplate adding new bases. In other words, the purpose of this is not to add military bases.”


He won’t change the policy of spending 1/3 of AIDS money in Africa on abstinence, which he says has been “unbelievably effective.”

HE’S THE REMINDERER: “I’ve come to remind our fellow citizens that it is in our interest to help countries deal with curable diseases like malaria, and difficult diseases like HIV/AIDS, that it’s in our interest...”

OR FIRST OF ALL, SECONDLY: “Secondly, first of all, Africa has changed since I’ve been the president in a very positive way”.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, conflict resolution has been taking place. And the United States hasn’t tried to impose a will”.

Insert clever post title here

Saw the Frontline episode on the Haditha Massacre. It didn’t mention the part where the marine urinated on the bodies. And it was so narrowly focused on the events of a single day that there was not a single appearance by Rumsfeld, Pace, Bush, all of whom downplayed Haditha outrageously. If you need a refresher, click on the topic label at the bottom of this post.

Speaking of atrocities, there have been a series of arrests recently of Argentinian military officers who committed them during the Dirty War in the 1970s, and there’s a rather fascinating civil case in which one of those babies (AP says there were 200, Reuters 400) seized from political prisoners and given to military officers or others connected to the junta to raise has sued those adoptive parents (her biological parents were arrested in 1977 when her mother was 6 months pregnant; they were never seen again).

Hawaii had its caucus yesterday, or as they pronounce it, cow-oo-kus.

George and Laura in Rwanda, attending a school play about abstinence. The mind boggles. Evidently both Bushes speak fluent Kinyarwanda and don’t need an interpreter.



Here... oh god, please tell me he isn’t trying to dance to those drums.

Bush in Africa: Don’t come to the continent feeling guilty about anything

Bush greeted the independent nation of Kosovo. And then the Reminderer undermined it: “And it’s important for us to remind Kosovo -- which I have just done -- that they must honor their commitments to support the rights of non-Albanians, non-Kosovars’ rights inside the country.” “Non-Kosovars,” as if ethnic Serbs are not proper citizens of Kosovo.

Here, for your captioning pleasure, are some pictures from yesterday of Bush’s trip to a girls’ school in Tanzania.






Then it was on to Rwanda.


Where he held a press conference with President Paul Kagame.

ALSO, HE’D LIKE TO SEE THOSE ELEPHANTS FUCKING AGAIN. BUT MOSTLY THE MISSION OF MERCY THING. “You know, people say, why would you want to come to Africa at this point in your presidency? Because I’m on a mission of mercy, that’s why.”

WHAT’S IN OUR NATIONAL INTEREST: “I want the American people to understand that when it comes to saving lives, it’s in our national interest. I firmly believe that”.

WHAT HE’S FRANKLY NOT INTERESTED IN: “I’m frankly not interested in, you know, spending taxpayers’ money on governments that end up pocketing the money and not helping citizens live.”


On Castro’s retirement: “I heard the reports, several ways -- one, reporters yelling it at me, and then of course I was briefed.” And very well briefed indeed, because he came forth with this stunning insight into the resignation of a man who ruled for 50 years: “So I view this as a period of transition”. That sort of analysis is why he’s the president, and you’re not.

On the need to promote instability in Cuba: “There will be some who say, let’s promote stability. Of course, in the meantime, political prisoners will rot in prison, and the human condition will remain pathetic in many cases.”

WHAT HE RECOGNIZED IN THE RWANDA GENOCIDE MUSEUM: “You can’t help but walk in there and recognize the -- you know, that evil does exist and, in this case, in such brutal form that babies had their skulls smashed.” Also, the gift shop sucks.

WHAT HE LEARNED IN THE RWANDA GENOCIDE MUSEUM: “And I came away with two lessons -- I’m sure there’s many more. One was, we’ve got to work to prevent it from happening in the first place... And secondly, that when you -- when the people decide to respond, that you go in with enough force that has the proper mandate.”

WHAT HE CAN’T IMAGINE: “I just can’t imagine what it would have been like to be a citizen who witnessed such horrors, and then had to try to gather themselves up and live a hopeful life.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “[A] clear lesson I learned in the museum was that outside forces that tend to divide people up inside their country are unbelievably counterproductive. In other words, people came from other countries -- I guess you’d call them colonialists -- and they pitted one group of people against another.” Shiites, Sunnis – ring a bell at all?

IN OTHER WORDS: “I would urge [my successor] to treat our -- the leaders in Africa as partners. In other words, don’t come to the continent feeling guilty about anything.”

Later, he opened the new US embassy in Rwanda, “because guys like me always like to cut ribbon”. Is that some sort of metaphor?


He thanked Americans working in Rwanda: “And when we see the hungry, we feed the hungry -- not because of its -- you know, it’s, like, we want to establish undue influence; it’s because we all believe we’re children of God.”

TO WHO: “Finally, I do want to end by saying this: To who much is given, much is required.”

McCain endorsed by, um, who is that guy again?

PBS Frontline episode Tuesday on the Haditha Massacre.

John McCain has secured the endorsement of the elder Bushes, and, from the expression on his face, did so through some means of persuasion that will haunt him until the end of his days.

Bush in Africa: Our interests are now making a significant effort

Bush visited a hospital in Tanzania to talk about malaria. He’s against it: “every death caused by malaria is unacceptable.” Just in case you were wondering if some of the deaths caused by malaria are acceptable.

I don’t know if it’s a genuine Bushism or a transcription error that had him praising American religious types who come to Africa to “confront the suffering and heal the sick.”

Bush never talks about humanitarian efforts without invoking American “interests.” I mean, he may talk about “to much is given etc”, but he seems to be embarrassed by wholly selfless motives, or maybe he just considers them illegitimate. “It’s in the interests of the United States to save lives. And it’s in the interests of the Tanzanian government to put forth an effective strategy. Our interests are combined, and our interests are now making a significant effort.”

He is heavily promoting bed nets to prevent malaria, calling them “one of the simplest technologies imaginable, but it’s also one of the most effective.” Then he went to a bed-net factory....

BBC caption: US President George W Bush gets caught in a mosquito net used to combat Malaria at a textile mill in Arusha, Tanzania.

One of the simplest technologies imaginable.

Not a thing that we can tolerate

Must read 1: Mark Schmitt of American Prospect on McCain’s loan deal in which he could be required by his creditors to stay in the primary race even if he had lost it and would otherwise drop out, in order to get federal matching funds to repay the loan. Putting his name to such an agreement shows contempt for, and a willingness to commit a fraud upon, Americans both as taxpayers and as voters.

Must read 2: Paul Kramer of the New Yorker on the American use of drowning as an instrument of interrogation in the Philippines at the start of the 20th century. Teddy Roosevelt: “we do not torture torture is not a thing that we can tolerate.”

Thought on “The Wire”: Could McNulty’s ultimate (and just) punishment be to be promoted to that thing he despises above all others, a boss?

Bush in Africa: Vipi mambo, y’all

A suicide bombing kills 80 at a dog-fighting match in Afghanistan. I think I’ll move on before I say something that gets me in trouble.

Chant at anti-Bush rally in Dar es Salaam: “Evil is not a foreign policy.”


Bush is in Tanzania. He held a joint news conference with President Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete, whom he greeted thusly: “Vipi mambo. ... For the uneducated, that’s Swahili for, ‘Howdy, you all.’”

“Vipi mambo.” “Don’t even think about putting that hand on my butt.”

A note to whoever does these transcripts: that would be “deprivation of basic social and economic services,” not “depravation of basic social and economic services.”

Asked why he was only showing interest in Africa at the end of his time in office, Bush said he was interested in Africa “since day one” and related this remarkably unlikely dialog he claims took place early on with Condi: “And she asked me whether or not I really cared about Africa and my answer to her then is the same answer I will give to you now: Absolutely, it’s in our national interests that America help deal with hopelessness; and it’s in our moral interests that we help brothers and sisters who hurt.”

“Moral interests,” a phrase he’s used several times this trip, is kind of an odd, indeed contradictory, concept.


He issued a stern, to say nothing of offensively condescending, order to Congress about his African AIDS program: “stop the squabbling and get the program reauthorized.”


HE’S THE REMINDERER: “As a matter of fact, I’m going to Liberia as my last stop on this very important trip, to support the President, the first elected woman President on the continent of Africa, and to remind her that the U.S.’s help will be constant and enduring.”

Bush refused to say whether he’d recognize Kosovo’s independence, telling the reporter who asked the question, “I suggest you study the Ahtisaari plan. Not to be like the, you know, grumpy guy.” That will go down in history as the American president’s response to the birth of the newest nation.

Which brings us to an announcement: This blog, “Whatever It Is, I’m Against It,” hereby recognizes the independence of Kosovo and wishes it vipi mambo.

Bush in Africa: The US desires to see that there be no violence

Bush has arrived in Africa, or as he describes it, “a large place with a lot of nations.” Dude should write travel books. It’s like he’s painting a picture with words.


I can’t figure the logic behind his itinerary. Today he flew from Benin to Tanzania, but he’ll also be going to Liberia and Ghana. Does no one in the White House possess a map?

Possibly I don’t really want to know the answer to that.


He held a press conference with Benin’s president, Boni Yayi. Another great name, but I’ll bet that a place that preferred “Benin” to “Dahomey” doesn’t even appreciate it.

Say it out loud: Boni Yayi Boni Yayi Boni Yayi. Fun.


(Update: evidently, his visit to Benin, the first by an American president, lasted three hours and he never left the airport.)

SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE? “One of the reasons I’ve come here, sir, is because leaders around the world have got to understand that the United States wants to partner with leaders and the people, but we’re not going to do so with people that steal money -- pure and simple.” Oil, that’s what you’re supposed to steal.

THE REMINDERER: “my trip here is a way to remind future Presidents and future Congresses that it is in the national interest and in the moral interests of the United States of America to help people.” I’m sure they’ll be grateful for that reminder, and for the suggestion that they need a reminder. From you.

WHAT MAKES GEORGE WEEP: “You know, the Malaria Initiative is an initiative that is very dear to my heart and Laura’s heart because we weep when we think about little babies needlessly dying”. As opposed to the little babies who were askin’ for it.

Asked why he is avoiding all the trouble spots in Africa: “When you herald success, it helps others realize what it possible”.


THAT’S WHAT DIPLOMACY IS. He is, however, sending Condi to solve the Kenya problem. She’ll be there part of Monday. So she should have time to solve the disputed election and get in a little shopping as well. “In terms of Condi’s visit, I will -- the key is, is that the leaders hear from her firsthand the U.S. desires to see that there be no violence and that there be a power-sharing agreement that will help this nation resolve its difficulties. That’s what diplomacy is, and we’ve been very active on all fronts.” Clearly, Kenyans wouldn’t have engaged in all that violence if they had just been made aware that the US desires to see that there be no violence.

And that was it: “Like, press conference over.”

No higher responsibility

Bush’s weekly radio address deals not with his trip to Africa but with the FISA bill. Same old hectoring shit, but he concludes, “At this moment, somewhere in the world, terrorists are planning a new attack on America. And Congress has no higher responsibility than ensuring we have the tools to stop them.” Really, no higher responsibility? Protecting and defending the, you know, Constitution and all that?

Thank God, or else

From a NYT article a couple of days ago about how Iranians really love them some American capitalism:

“Everyone here is thirsting for American brands, it’s that simple,” said Mehdi Mortazavi, who is helping create Friday’s, a restaurant in Tehran. The sign out front looks just like a T.G.I. Friday’s in the States, with red and white stripes. But the “T.G.I.F.” was dropped because Thursday is the last day of the work week here, and the reference to “God” might not have gone over well. But there will be waiters with suspenders decorated with buttons, Cobb Salad and hamburgers on the menu.

Wherein is revealed one of the great things about American democracy

Yesterday, Bush was interviewed by reporters from African radio stations.

He explained the agenda of his African trip: “I want the people on the continent of Africa to know that the American people care deeply about the human condition”.

And he’s not going empty-handed: “And so this is going to be a trip that I bring the goodwill of American people”.

He’s also bringing a double helping of IN OTHER WORDS: “Exports to the United States from the continent of Africa, sub-Saharan Africa, have tripled. Exports from the United States to sub-Saharan Africa have doubled. In other words, this trade has been good. One way to firm up the commitment to make sure that our nation remains non-protectionist -- in other words, a free trading nation -- is to complete the Doha Round.”

IN OTHER W— HEY, HE USED “CRITERION” CORRECTLY! “Nations that have received Millennium Challenge grants have met a test. In other words, there is a criterion to qualify for the money.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, if there’s hopelessness, then it’s liable that extremists who are recruiting people to create havoc not only in their respective countries or neighborhoods, but also in our country -- if there’s hopelessness, they have a better chance to recruit.”

YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS: “Remember that the ideology that is prevalent, that uses murder as a weapon, cannot recruit in hopeful places.”

LIBERIA IS NOT YOUNG, BUT IT LOOKS MAAHVELOUS: “And so, my hope, of course, is that people that have been here trying to save themselves from the violence, go help this young -- not young, but this country get back on its feet.”

SEPARATED AT BIRTH? “Mr. Mugabe has ruined a country”.

A Ghanaian reporter seized this career-making opportunity:

Q: Mr. President, I will recommend you, during your short visit to my country, to have a taste in our juicy, tasty and nicely perfumed pineapples.

BUSH: Pineapples.

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. EVER: “You’re right, my presidency does end. And that’s one of the great things about American democracy.”

SPEAKING OF TALKING VEGETABLES: “In other words, the United States farmer is willing to take less of a subsidy if his -- can be assured that his product will get a fair hearing in somebody else’s market”.

Our professionals tell me that they don’t have all the tools they need to do their job

Despite his threat to inconvenience all of us by not going on his Africa junket if the House failed to pass his spying bill, Bush did not cancel his Africa junket. After all, they promised him he’d get to see an elephant!

He did, however, meet with Republican congresscritters this morning (possibly no one has yet dared tell him that Republicans are no longer the majority in either house and that he should really try meeting with Democrats), and then made a statement to the press which was remarkably pissy, even for him, which I give in full and without interjection to preserve its flavor – and I just realized I’m describing it as having a pissy flavor, which, you know, ick:

We also just discussed a serious problem facing our country, and that is the fact that House leaders blocked a good piece of legislation that would give our intelligence community the tools they need to protect America from a terrorist attack.

The American citizens must understand -- clearly understand that there still is a threat on the homeland, there’s still an enemy which would like to do us harm, and that we’ve got to give our professionals the tools they need to be able to figure out what the enemy is up to so that we can stop it.

The Senate passed a good bipartisan bill that makes sure our intelligence community has the tools necessary to protect America from this real threat -- and I want to thank you all, and thank the Democrats in the United States Senate who worked closely with Mitch and John to get a strong piece of legislation, with a 68-vote majority, out of the Senate.

And this bill comes to the House of Representatives and it was blocked. And by blocking this piece of legislation our country is more in danger of an attack. By not giving the professionals the tools they need, it’s going to be a lot harder to do the job we need to be able to defend America.

People say, oh, it doesn’t matter if this law hasn’t been renewed -- it does matter. It matters for a variety of reasons. It matters because the intelligence officials won’t have tools necessary to get as much information as we possibly can to protect you. And it matters because these telephone companies that work collaboratively with us to protect the American people are afraid they’re going to get sued.

And the American people have got to understand these lawsuits make it harder for us to convince people to help protect you. And so by blocking this good piece of legislation, our professionals tell me that they don’t have all the tools they need to do their job.

And so now the House and Senate are off on a 12-day recess without getting the people’s business done. And when they come back from that 12-day recess, the House leaders must understand that the decision they made to block good legislation has made it harder for us to protect you, the American people, and we expect them to get a good bill to my desk -- which is the Senate bill -- as soon as possible.

“Working collaboratively with us”. Yeah, I think of the phone companies as collaborators too.

His vocabulary is actually getting smaller, isn’t it? Refers to “good” legislation five times and to that good legislation being “blocked” another five times. The word “blocked” presumes that there is something unnatural in the legislative branch actively participating in shaping legislation, and yes, you can see where he might have gotten that idea. His refusal to countenance a temporary extension of the existing godawful act suggests he is less interested in keeping those “tools” (a word which appears six times) or preventing the terrorist act which would put 9/11 into the shade with which he has been threatening us all week, than with getting the D’s to once again give him that cowering subservience which is to him a drug so much more powerful and addictive than the booze and coke that fueled his 20s and 30s.

Ah, how fleeting is youth

Another milestone in the ageing process: I just broke the very last glass I stole from my college food service.

America is trapped in this notion that we care about human life

The BBC interviewed Bush today (video, transcript evidently made by someone who didn’t quite understand the Texas accent) about his Africa trip.

Why is he going? “I go where needed.”

As a special Valentine’s Day gift to you, gentle readers, I pass on to you that straightest of straight lines, and ask: where else is George needed?

The people of Africa might well contest the notion that they “need” George Bush, and indeed might contest the way he defines Africans solely as “people who are suffering from disease and hunger and hopelessness.” “[M]ine is a mission of mercy,” he says (and who knew he was familiar with the concept of mercy?), “and a mission of the cold realism of the world in which we live” because “The only way a radical can recruit is to find somebody who’s hopeless. I mean, their vision is, like, really dark and dim.”

GEORGE DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD “SEMINAL”: Says the decision not to send troops into Darfur was “a seminal decision. ... I think a lot of the folks who are concerned about America into another Muslim country.”

What about Steven Spielberg boycotting the Olympics over Darfur? “That’s up to him. I’m going to the Olympics. I view the Olympics as a sporting event.” It’s a desert topping! It’s a floor wax!

HE’S THE REMINDERER: “On the other hand, I have a little different platform than Steven Spielberg so, I get to talk to President Hu Jintao. And I do remind him that he can do more to relieve the suffering in Darfur. There’s a lot of issues that I suspect people are gonna, you know, opine, about during the Olympics. I mean, you got the Dali Lama crowd. You’ve got global warming folks.”

The Dali Lama “crowd.”

TRAPPED! “America is trapped in this notion that we care about human life. We respect human dignity. And that’s not a trap. That’s a belief.”

WHY DOES THE ELITE HATE ME SO MUCH?: “I hope by now people have learned that I’m not one of these guys that - really gives a darn about elite opinion.” On himself being associated in the world’s mind solely with Iraq: “Well, I mean... that’s what the current, you know, elite would like everybody to think about.”

WELL, THAT’S THE IMPORTANT THING: “And I’m happy with Iraq.”

HE GAVE US PIZZA AND BEER: “The decision to move Saddam Hussein was right.”

Asked if he regretted not listening to advice to use more troops in Iraq early on: “You know, my commanders didn’t tell me that early.”

On his threat to veto yesterday’s bill outlawing waterboarding and other forms of torture: “The reason I’m vetoing the bill – first of all, we have said that whatever we do is for legal... will be legal.” Only if you veto the bill making those things illegal. (And not even then, of course.)

Then he obnoxiously asked again (but with a use of verb tenses, although an awkward use, whcih I didn’t think he knew existed), “which attack would they have hoped that we wouldn’t have prevented?”

“SOME,” “SOME,” WE WANT NAMES: “Now, I recognize some say that these - terrorists - really aren’t that big a threat to the United States anymore. I fully disagree.”

Does the US still hold the moral high ground (Note to Matt Frei: “still”?): “Absolutely - absolutely. We believe in human rights and human dignity. We believe in the human condition.” We believe in the human condition? What the hell does that even mean? We believe humans should use conditioner?

He accuses the world of being too impatient with his policies: “You know, we live in a world like - and all due respect - the 24 hour news. We live in a world where everything’s, like, instant.” Really? Because the next 341 days seem, like, really long.

The Bushes are going to Africa!

This morning, Bush talked about his and Laura’s forthcoming trip to Africa.

OH GOD, HE’S GOING TO RE-START THE SLAVE TRADE: “Africa in the 21st century is a continent of potential. That’s how we view it.”

“Paternalism has got to be a thing of the past,” he said.

“PATERNALISM HAS GOT TO BE A THING OF THE PAST,” HE SAID: “I’m going to witness the generosity of the American people firsthand. It will give me a chance to remind our fellow citizens about what a compassionate people we are.”

AND WHAT ARE THE ORIENTED? “Let me say, I’m a results-oriented President, and so when I meet with you, I ask you, what are the results?”

OH GOD, HE’S GOING TO RE-START THE SLAVE TRADE: “We believe that every human life is precious.”


OH GOD, HE’S GOING TO RE-START THE SLAVE TRADE: “The new era is rooted in a powerful truth: Africa’s most valuable resource is not its oil, it’s not its diamonds, it is the talent and creativity of its people.”

WHAT WE BELIEVE: “We believe that countries can adopt the habits necessary to provide help for their people. That’s what we believe.”

“Joint venturing with good, capable people is what the future is all about.” Joint venturing is what you’re calling slavery, isn’t it?

NOT THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW HIS NAME, OF COURSE: “I’m looking forward to seeing the President of Tanzania, he’s a good guy.”

IN OTHER NOT AT ALL EMPTY WORDS: “In other words, these just weren’t empty words”.

OUR FUTURE SLAVES ARE DYING, DAMMIT!: “The greatest threat to Africa is disease.”

PLEASE DON’T TELL US ANY MORE ABOUT YOU DID WITH THE BED NETS, GEORGE: “One of the interesting gifts Laura and I got a couple of years ago for Christmas was bed nets in our name. It made us feel great.”

“PATERNALISM HAS GOT TO BE A THING OF THE PAST,” HE SAID: “Overall, more than two-thirds of the nations of sub-Saharan Africa are free. And for the rest, the direction of history is clear, so long as the United States does not lose its nerve, and retreat into isolationism and protectionism.”

Boost: Slang. To steal or rob, especially by shoplifting or pickpocketing

I do not think that word means what you think it means

Condi Rice and Robert Gates have an op-ed in the WaPo, suggesting that Congress should leave them alone to negotiate the terms of long-term occupation with Iraq, or as they repeatedly call it, a “normal” or “normalized” relationship. I’d have described it as more “abusive” than “normal,” but à chacun son goût.

A Very Chimpy African-American History Month

Bush was knee-deep in black people today.

In the morning he met with Mali’s President Amadou Toumani Touré (isn’t that a great name?), to whom he condescended thusly: “I was touched by the President’s concern about the life of the average citizen in Mali.”


In the afternoon it was time for Bush to celebrate African-American History Month. He explained, “As a civil society, we must understand that noose displays and lynching jokes are deeply offensive.” So I hope that’s clear now. Here he is with The Temptations and with Al Sharpton (who I think of as the anti-Temptation), and a bonus picture of Jenna and Aunt Condi.

What, me worry?

McCain: “The argument is really almost insulting to one’s intelligence to say how long we’re in Iraq... Anyone who worries about how long we’re in Iraq does not understand the military and does not understand war.” (Link, includes the video)

And anyone who thinks that the only consideration should be “understanding the military” does not understand democracy.

Mr. Obama, what would you say if you were surrounded by cannibals?

Obama in a speech yesterday (no link – seen on the News Hour): “I may be skinny, but I’m tough too.”

Republican humor

From the Republican Party website, these side-splitting Valentine’s Day cards:





Thank you, Republicans, for bringing this hilarity into our humdrum lives.

Vomitous Irony of the Day

George Bush’s tribute to the late Tom Lantos: “Tom was a living reminder that we must never turn a blind eye to the suffering of the innocent at the hands of evil men.”

Caption contest

Secretary of War Robert Gates and Colonel Combover in Baghdad.

Wherein an adjective is applied to Germany that is rarely applied to Germany

SecWar Robert Gates was just in Europe, or Old Europe as his predecessor called it when he went there to make friends and influence people. Gates is bitching about the Europeans’ unwillingness to send troops into combat in Afghanistan, because if there’s one thing that’s always effective with Europeans, it’s being hectored publicly. When Germany objected to his tone, he accused it of being “a little overly sensitive”.

History takes a long time for us to reach (Updated, with a scurrilous calumny)

Follow-up: Sgt Evan Vela (see previous post) sentenced to 10 years.

Secretary of War Robert Gates spoke at the Munich Conference on Security Policy today. A Russian member of parliament asked him in the Q&A whether the US hadn’t created its own problem in Afghanistan by funding the mujahedeen. Gates responded, “If we bear a particular responsibility for the role of the mujahedeen and Al Qaeda growing up in Afghanistan, it has more to do with our abandonment of the country in 1989 than our assistance of it in 1979.” So the lesson is, once you intervene in another country, you have to keep doing so, forever.

Bush was interviewed by Chris Wallace on Fox today (taped Friday).

CONVINCING TO CONVINCE: He said that McCain is a true conservative, that “His principles are sound and solid as far as I’m concerned,” but “if John is the nominee, he has got some convincing to do to convince people that he is a solid conservative.”

Speaking of solid, he says that Huckabee was fat and now isn’t, which is why he’d also be a good president. Or something: “I remember Mike when he weighed a lot and I’ll never forget getting off at the airplane and there he was at the foot of Air Force One and I couldn’t recognize him. And the reason I bring that up is he’s disciplined.”

He refused to believe that any Republican candidate could possibly disagree with him: “I’m sure that you can find quotes from people running for office that sound like they’re at odds with me.” What about Huckabee’s remark that Bush’s foreign policy showed an arrogant bunker mentality? “I think he has tried to walk back that position.”

But in the end, it all comes down to, um, reality: “And I confident that the nominee will be the person who is capable of assuring the American people, one, the reality, I see the reality. And secondly, I’ve got a plan to deal with it.”

On Barack Obama: “I certainly don’t know what he believes in.”

(Update: the Fox transcript is atrocious, getting curiously opaque when Bush fires this scurrilous calumny at Obama: “The only foreign policy thing I remember he said was he’s going to attack Pakistan and break the Mani Mijad (ph). I think (INAUDIBLE) that in a press conference.” The WaPo is clearer: “The only foreign policy thing I remember he said was he’s going to attack Pakistan and embrace Ahmadinejad.”)

On why it’s pointless to try to make rich people pay their taxes: “I promise you the Democrat party is going to field a candidate who says I’m going to raise your tax. If they’re going to say, oh, we’re only going to tax the rich people, but most people in America understand that the rich people hire good accountants and figure out how not to necessarily pay all the taxes and the middle class gets stuck.”

SUCCESS, YOU SAY? WHY THAT’S SO CRAZY, IT JUST MIGHT WORK! “You know, I met with General Petraeus when I was in Kuwait on my trip to the Middle East. And my message to the general was, success is paramount. And therefore, whatever you recommend, make it based upon the need to succeed.”

OR NOT: “But I will listen, give them careful consideration and make up my mind. But it is going to based upon whether or not we can succeed or not.”

ON WATERBOARDING PAST: “First of all, whatever we have done was legal...”

AND FUTURE: “...and whatever decision I will make will be reviewed by the Justice Department to determine whether or not the legality is there.”

A FAIR QUESTION: “And for those who criticize what we did in the past, I ask them, which attack would they rather have not permitted - stopped? Which attack on America did they - would they have said, well, you know, maybe it wasn’t all that important that we stop those attacks.”

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR TO NERVOUS NATIONS: “In my trip to the Middle East I made it abundantly clear to nervous nations that Iran is a threat. And that’s what the NIE said if you read it carefully.” However, “the NIE sends mixed signals.”

OUR GOAL IN IRAN: “To pressure them to the point where we hope somebody rational shows up and says, OK, it’s not worth it anymore.”

HISTORIOGRAPHY: “it’s very hard to write the future history of America before the current history hasn’t been fully written.” So true. “And as far as history goes and all of these quotes about people trying to guess what the history of the Bush administration is going to be, you know, I take great comfort in knowing that they don’t know what they are talking about, because history takes a long time for us to reach.”

BOOKS THAT HAVE WRITTEN: “There just isn’t - objective history. I don’t know how many books that have written about my administration, probably more than any other president, which actually says I’m doing something.” He’s said this before; he really believes there are more books about him than about Lincoln or JFK or FDR, because he’s just that important.

Asked what advice he might give his successor: “Rely upon a higher power to help you through the day.” He makes being president sound exactly like working a 12-step program.

Caption contest:

Noise... reduction?

Sgt Evan Vela, a member of a sniper team called the Painted Demons, is being court-martialed for the murder of an Iraqi civilian, whose sole crime was having happened across their hiding spot. “He was making too much noise,” according to the testimony of the man who gave the order (who was previously convicted, but only of planting an AK-47 on the body, and sentenced to time served).

Let’s see if I have this straight: he was making too much noise, so they... shot him. Twice.

(Update: sometimes there’s a fine line between clarity and insulting my gentle readers’ intelligence, but here goes: I’m not just saying that that was a morally questionable act, but that if you’re worried about noise, firing off guns may not be the thing to do.)

Is waterboarding a lifestyle choice or innate?

Tuesday, CIA director Michael Hayden objected in testimony to a Senate committee to the proposal to require CIA interrogators to adhere to the Army’s standards: “It would make no more sense to apply the Army’s Field Manual to CIA than it would to take the Army Field Manual on grooming and apply it to my agency, or the Army Field Manual on recruiting and apply it to my agency. Or, for that matter, the Army Field Manual on sexual orientation and apply it to my agency.” Which is more disturbing, his comparison of torture to grooming or to sexual orientation?

Although to give the CIA credit where it is due, they do not discriminate against torture-sexuals.

I just checked. Astonishingly, there are no Google hits for “torture-sexuals.”

Wherein is revealed the best vice president in history

Today it was Bush’s turn to address the Conservative Political Action Conference.

He called Cheney “the best Vice President in history. Mother may have a different opinion.” This is not only George acting out his daddy issues in public, but doing so in a forum of people who have nothing but contempt for his father.


Also: Vice Presidents John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt...?

NAMES, WHY DOES HE NEVER GIVE US NAMES? “We believe our nation has the right to defend itself -- even if sometimes others disagree.”

WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING PERMISSION SLIPS: “They tend to be suspicious of America’s exercise of global leadership -- unless, of course, we get a permission slip from international organizations.”

AND THEY WERE PROBABLY JUST WAITING TO BE ASKED, TOO: “And we darn sure didn’t seek the approval of groups like Code Pink and MoveOn.org before deciding what to do.”

“When I took office, our society was grappling with a troubling rate of drug use among our children. ... We believe people should be held responsible for their actions and we know that people can change their behavior. ... We helped move drug addicts from a culture of victimization to a culture of responsibility.” This from the serial drunk driver who somehow never got sent to jail, the guy who stopped showing up for his Air National Guard service the minute they introduced drug-testing.


WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE? “Six-and-a-half years ago, our country faced the worst attack in our history. I understood immediately that we would have to act boldly to protect the American people.”

NOTE TO WHITE HOUSE TRANSCRIBER: A [SIC] AFTER THE WORD PROGRESS WOULD ALSO BE GOOD. “Yet even the enemy recognizes the progress we’re being [sic] making.”

Something is going to happen to help them get their feet back on the ground

Bush on the federal response to the tornados in Tennessee: “I don’t want people to think something is going to happen that’s not going to happen. And therefore when we say something is going to happen to help them get their feet back on the ground, it will happen.” Dude, watch your metaphors. He also called the people of Macon County “down to earth, hard-working, God-fearing people”. Evidently with plenty of reason to fear God just lately.

I love you, what can I do to help you?

Thursday afternoon, Bush had a “Helping America’s Youth” event at the White House. He told America’s youth, “there’s all kinds of ways to serve America. One way is to wear the uniform. Another way is to find somebody wonders whether or not there’s a positive future in their lives, and put your arm around them and say, I love you; what can I do to help you?” First, should he really be encouraging America’s youth to go up to random depressed people, put their arm around them and say, “I love you, what can I do to help you?” I mean, it would be pretty creepy the other way around, wouldn’t it?

I love you, what can I do to help you?

Second: and the other option he offers is to join the military, find somebody wonders whether or not there’s a positive future in their lives – and shoot them. Is there nothing, you know, in the middle?

Then he discovered a shiny object, and that kept him occupied for the rest of the afternoon.

McCain was against government feeling empowered to take from us our freedom before he was for it

Congresscritter Darlene Hooley (D-Oregon) is retiring after 12 years. Honest to God, I can’t remember ever having heard of her before this very minute. Nevertheless, “Darlene Hooley” is our Name of the Day. Congratulations.

McCain also made a speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference today. Half of it assured them over and over that he was a true, Reagan-corpse-dry-humping conservative, the other half was about how he has so much principled integrity that he would never pander to anyone.


He said that either Obama or Clinton would take us back to the days of Big Government “when government felt empowered to take from us our freedom to decide for ourselves the course and quality of our lives”. In the very next sentence he castigated Democratic senators for blocking the extension of government surveillance.

Mittens surrenders to McCain, not terror

Twitt Romney, as you will have heard, has dropped out. He announced this in a speech, not to his campaign workers, but to the Conservative Political Action Conference.


He is worried that the worst, the very worst, will happen: “I am convinced that unless America changes course, we will become the France of the 21st century. ... And to me, that is impensable unthinkable.”

He derided the “culture of poverty,” which he blamed on “1960s welfare programs.” The Liberals, he says, are still trying to undermine “individual responsibility”: “They fight to strip work requirements from welfare, to put more people on Medicaid, and to remove more and more people from having to pay any income tax whatsoever.” How will the poor ever learn individual responsibility if they don’t pay income tax?


“And tolerance for pornography – even celebration of it – and sexual promiscuity, combined with the twisted incentives of government welfare programs have led to today’s grim realities: 68% of African American children are born out-of-wedlock, 45% of Hispanic children, and 25% of White children.” What I believe he’s saying is that African-American men love their porn. Or something. Certainly his insistence on disaggregating those numbers by race shows that his problem isn’t with “culture” but with the duskier races. Who are destroying America: “A nation built on the principles of the founding fathers cannot long stand when its children are raised without fathers in the home.” Founding fathers, African-American children born out of wedlock... nah, too easy.

The big threat, though, is “violent, radical Jihad.” “These Jihadists will battle any form of democracy – to them, democracy is blasphemous for it says that citizens, not God shape the law.” Or wait, maybe it’s Mike Huckabee who thinks that democracy is blasphemous for saying that citizens, not God shape the law. I always get those two confused.


And just as his sons were serving their country by working for his campaign, Mittens is now giving up his campaign, not because he had his Mormon ass handed to him, but in order to serve his country: “in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.”

Awesome, dude

This morning, Bush attended the National Prayer Breakfast. This, I guess, is what Bush looks like when he prays.


Also in attendance: Larry Craig. Also Holy Joe Lieberman, and John McCain, who had time for this but not to vote on the economic stimulus package. What is McCain praying for?


I CAN THINK OF ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL WORD: “Ward, thanks for your remarks. Those were awesome. I guess that’s a presidential word.”

“The people in this room come from many different walks of faith. Yet we share one clear conviction: We believe that the Almighty hears our prayers -- and answers those who seek Him. That’s what we believe; otherwise, why come?” For the pancakes. The pancakes are awesome.

Later in the morning, Bush held an event to complain that the Senate wasn’t confirming his nominees fast enough.

IN OTHER WORD. NOT IN OTHER WORDS, MIND YOU. IN OTHER WORD. “In other word, this isn’t the first time he’s gone through a confirmation process.”

“Yet the Senate has not acted on their nominations. This delay is irresponsible. It undermines the cause of justice.” And that violates the separation of powers. See, it’s the job of the executive branch to undermine the cause of justice.

It makes a lot of sense to make sure that we can grow our own food

Name of the day: State Department spokesman Karl Duckworth.

The US is down to its last World War I veteran, one Frank Buckles, 107. Germany’s last survivor died last month.

Mike Huckabee penned a typically subtle editorial for the Jerusalem Post. He writes that on one of his trips to Israel to convert the heathen or pray for the End of Days or whatever it is that keeps him going back so many times (possibly it’s the falafel) (they don’t really have falafel in Arkansas), he took his 11-year-old daughter to Yad Vashem, where they “faced the grimly surreal pictures from Dachau and Auschwitz” (Huckabee doesn’t know what the word “surreal” actually means). Little Sarah wrote in the guest book, “Why didn’t somebody do something?” “[W]ith those words,” The Huck says, “I knew that, in her own way, she ‘got it.’ Unfortunately, some in America, even some running for president, don’t get it. Those who don’t understand that the war in Iraq is a critical part of the war on terror, don’t get it.” And they secretly love the Nazis. Especially Obama.

Yesterday, Bush showed his continuing relevancy by meeting a NASCAR prize winner. Today, he met a hockey team, the Anaheim Ducks, who won the Stanley Cup. “These Ducks are awfully mighty,” he said.


He also attended the swearing-in of the new Agriculture Secretary, Ed WhoCaresWhatHisNameIsHe’llBeGonePrettySoon. Ed, Bush says, “understands what I know -- it makes a lot of sense to make sure that we can grow our own food. It’s in our national security interest that we’re self-sufficient in food.” And how do we do that? By exporting it. “The best way to keep the ag economy growing is to open up new markets for America’s crops and farm products around the world.” Also, by having them grow things that aren’t food: “I’d much rather our farmers be growing energy than trying to buy from other parts of the world.”

See, and you thought Bush didn’t have a rational agricultural policy.


He warned against farm legislation currently before Congress. “It seems like to us it lacks reform”. You may think that sentences like that show a certain carelessness, but quite the contrary: every word is painstakingly evaluated, then carefully written down, each one on a separate piece of paper. The pieces of paper are then randomly drawn out of a hat to produce the Bush syntax we all enjoy so much.

Number 4 in the series “Everything You Need to Know About the Economy You Can Tell By the Expression on Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s Face”

Testifying before the Senate Budget Committee today about Bush’s proposed budget (it’s on a laptop computer, you know).

We are the Republican Party front-runner

McCain, last night: “Tonight, I think we must get used to the idea that we are the Republican Party front-runner.” One of the perks of front-runner status: the right to use the Royal We (Pluralis Majestatis).


Condi Rice responds to a question about the Afghan journalist, Pervez Kambakhsh, sentenced to death for blasphemy. The outrage is palpable:

Well, I’ll certainly raise the case with President Karzai. This is a young democracy and I think it won’t surprise you that we are not supportive of everything that comes up through the judicial system in Afghanistan. I do think that the Afghans understand that there are some international norms that need to be respected. Of course, one has national laws and they’re national laws that are in accordance with traditions and religious practice and all -- you know, all elements of indigenous development. But there are international norms, and I’ll certainly talk to President Karzai about this -- about this case.

Lazy-ass blogger calls another caption contest

Bush Tuesday with a NASCAR prize-winner and his tall wife. I assume the thing he’s holding is the prize. Or a bong.

Election results

In California, the ballots are still only half counted, but this blog is calling the Green Party and Peace & Freedom Party presidential primaries for Ralph Nader. Terrific.

It won’t air until later today (and then should be available online for about a week), but BBC’s Radio 4 will have a program on the US primaries by comedians Andy Zaltzman and Rory Bremner, which I’d guess will be pretty good.

Apostate!

A McCain ad asks the fundamental question of our times: “If we can’t trust Mitt Romney on Ronald Reagan, how can we trust him to lead America?”

Fund the homeland security

A survey of British youths shows that the majority believe that Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood and King Arthur were real people, but more than 20% think Winston Churchill is a fictional character.

50 years from now, Americans will think that George W. Bush was a cartoon character, like Elmer Fudd.

The US admits killing 9 civilians, including a child, “as coalition forces pursued al-Qaeda.” And by “pursued,” they mean “dropped bombs from airplanes on anything that moved.”

Bush issued his $3.1 trillion budget today. “It’s on a laptop computer,” he said proudly.


Although evidently some copies were printed as well.


“And it’s a good budget,” he said. Who’s a good budget? You are! Yes you are! “It’s a budget that achieves some important objectives.” For $3.1 trillion, it better achieve every important objective, every not-so-important objective, and every trivial objective. “One, it understands our top priority is to defend our country...” It... understands? See, that’s what happens when you put a $3.1 trillion budget on a laptop computer: it achieves sentience. And that never ends well. “...so we fund our military, as well as fund the homeland security.”

“It’s central that we make sure that we deal with the uncertainties -- the economic uncertainties we face.” An interesting slip there. How often does Bush admit that he faces uncertainties? And what might those uncertainties be?

• How to pronounce nuclear.
• What exactly is a laptop computer anyway?
• Is that my ass or my elbow?
• Could someone ‘splain to me which one is Iraq and which one is Iran again?

Oh, I could do those all day. Or you guys could...

With success like this...

Headline of the day (LA Times): “Schools Scramble to Find Questionable Meat.” I didn’t even know there was a shortage of questionable meat.

Secretary of War Robert Gates says that Friday’s suicide bombings in Baghdad markets are a sign of desperation, “a manifestation of the success of our military operations.” Woo hoo! And on Thursday, Gates said that the increasing number of casualties in Afghanistan caused by suicide bombings and IEDs is a sign that the Taliban have “failed in conventional military conflict with the NATO allies.” Double woo hoo! USA! USA!

A rather extraordinary sentence from John McCain, which I evidently missed two weeks ago: “It’s not social issues I care about.” He was talking about abortion and gays, the only social issues Republicans care about, but boy he really is running to be a president who will just occupy himself doing the war thing and not bother with any of the other piddling small stuff.

By the way, when I googled “It’s not social issues I care about,” looking for more context, Google asked, “Did you mean: ‘Its not social issues I care about’”. Et tu, Google? Et tu? Here’s that context: “It’s not social issues I care about. It’s the Constitution of the United States I care about.” That piece from the WaPo’s campaign blog also quotes him saying, “The rights of the unborn are as important as the rights of the born.” Absolutely, the right of the fetus to free exercise of religion, to bear arms, and not have soldiers quartered in the womb he or she inhabits, should be sacrosanct.

We got issues

A NY appellate court has ruled that the state must recognize gay marriages contracted outside of NY (in this case in Canada) since NY law does not specifically say otherwise. The ruling is not especially broad, since it does not challenge the ability of the state legislature to pass such a law, so it’s not much of a challenge to the “sanctity of marriage,” but I suspect that cries of “judicial activism” and the issue of the threatened gayification of marriage and subsequent end of civilization as we know it have just reentered the election campaign. Yippee.

Bush makes the ultimate case for free trade

At the Kansas City headquarters of Hallmark Cards, Inc.: “if we end up having trade wars, it’s going to be less likely Hallmark products will be sold overseas.”