Monday, February 04, 2008

Fund the homeland security

A survey of British youths shows that the majority believe that Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood and King Arthur were real people, but more than 20% think Winston Churchill is a fictional character.

50 years from now, Americans will think that George W. Bush was a cartoon character, like Elmer Fudd.

The US admits killing 9 civilians, including a child, “as coalition forces pursued al-Qaeda.” And by “pursued,” they mean “dropped bombs from airplanes on anything that moved.”

Bush issued his $3.1 trillion budget today. “It’s on a laptop computer,” he said proudly.

Although evidently some copies were printed as well.

“And it’s a good budget,” he said. Who’s a good budget? You are! Yes you are! “It’s a budget that achieves some important objectives.” For $3.1 trillion, it better achieve every important objective, every not-so-important objective, and every trivial objective. “One, it understands our top priority is to defend our country...” It... understands? See, that’s what happens when you put a $3.1 trillion budget on a laptop computer: it achieves sentience. And that never ends well. “ we fund our military, as well as fund the homeland security.”

“It’s central that we make sure that we deal with the uncertainties -- the economic uncertainties we face.” An interesting slip there. How often does Bush admit that he faces uncertainties? And what might those uncertainties be?
  • How to pronounce nuclear.
  • What exactly is a laptop computer anyway?
  • Is that my ass or my elbow?
  • Could someone ‘splain to me which one is Iraq and which one is Iran again?
Oh, I could do those all day. Or you guys could...

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