Monday, August 11, 2003

Butt Monkey Beer

Two of the candidates for governor are in the race to promote Butt Monkey Beer.

Gray Davis says, presumably about Aah-nuld, that recycling old lines from movies only gets you so far. Yeah, but only because the Constitution disqualifies him from running for president (and Orrin Hatch is trying to change that).

Something like 158 candidates. And the ballots legally can’t be alphabetical, so good luck finding the one you want to vote for. Even if you knew their name. I think the ballots should be more helpful: instead of their names, they should be listed as Ferret Guy, Thong Girl, Creepy Sumo Guy, 100 Year Old Woman, and so on. I’m not sure if they even all filed. 100 Year Old Woman and Thong Girl did, but what about 18 Year Old Who Lives At Home and Ran For Student Council Six Times (and Lost Six Times)? Don’t laugh, he still has more electoral experience than Terminator, Baseball Commissioner Guy, or Socialite Who Sounds Exactly like Zsa Zsa Gabor Despite Being Greek Rather Than Hungarian. You know, everyone worries about the Democratic vote being split, or the right-wing-millionaire, I mean Republican, vote, but no one is pressuring Gallagher, for example, to pull out so that the joke-candidate vote isn’t split. I say if we could all unite behind one joke candidate, possibly Gary Coleman or Father Guido Sarducci (yes, he’s running too), we could win this thing. For the children. For the children.

Today’s Boondocks cartoon asks the question, how can a gay marriage be any less legitimate than a Jennifer Lopez marriage?

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