Sunday, August 24, 2003

That's Golden Doofus State to you

I’m listening to a cable music channel and I have just one question: what moron had the idea of recording the Barber of Seville in German?

The US is hiring members of Saddam’s secret police to help track down members of the resistance. Oh yeah, I can’t see how anything could possibly go wrong with that policy.

I forgot to mention that one of the 135 tried to drop out after being named prime suspect in an old murder. In most states a gubernatorial candidate being a possible murderer would be news. Here, now, not so much.

Bill Simon, the one person who could give Arnie a run in the really-thick neck competition (in both cases necessary to support a head composed entirely of bone), drops out, although like the alleged murderer, his name can’t be withdrawn from the ballot.

Of the Bushies’ many lies about Iraq’s weapons capabilities, I had forgotten the drone planes that could rain chemical and biological weapons down on American cities. Naturally, it was a lie. They were basically model airplanes, used for surveillance and incapable of being used for anything else.

So there was this cute little photo op in which a cute little girl of 9 said that she was an aspiring reporter and asked Secretary of War Rumsfeld if she could ask him a question. Of course she could, and she asked him a softball Larry King would be ashamed of. The whole thing was a setup, her aunt, who wrote the question, works for Paul Wolfowitz.

The Catholic Church calls the murder in prison of paedophile priest Father John “Keep this a secret or God will get you” Geoghan “tragic.” This is a definition of tragic with which I was not hitherto familiar. He was killed by a Neo-Nazi who didn’t like gay people (and actually perpetrated an anthrax scare against Jewish lawyers from prison two years ago). Not clear yet whether they were cell-mates, which would surely be the Fox sitcom pitch of the year. “On November 13th, Father Geoghan was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his bishop...” (Later): no they weren’t roommates.

Two years ago the nutball king of Swaziland banned women under 23 having sex, wearing trousers, etc. Not a single newspaper that reported that has ever bothered finding out what actually happened with that. Anyway, the king himself has just had to pay a fine (one cow) for marrying a 17-year old, his 2nd wife since the ban, and 11th over all.

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