Wednesday, September 29, 2010

California gubernatorial debate: They’re fooling around with a lot of fat

The first debate between eMeg and former Governor Moonbeam took place at UC Davis (Motto: Come for the dachshund races, stay for the, er...) tonight.

Whitman says putting Brown in charge of the budget is “like putting Count Dracula in charge of the blood bank.” Which was an old, unfunny joke when Dracula was still alive (1431–1476).

She sort of looks like a crucifix here, no?

Brown says “we’re all going to have to sacrifice.” Meaning college students and young people who won’t be able to afford to be college students because he’ll be increasing state university fees. “But I’d say those at the top, those at the commanding heights of our economy, should tuck in their belts first.” Tuck their belts into what? Does Jerry Brown not know how belts work?

Brown was asked if he’d run for president again: “if I were younger you know I would.” So he’s saying he’s too old to be president but not too old to be governor.

My prostate is like this big

Brown went on and on (as old guys will do) about why it’d be good to have an old guy as governor: “If everybody in state service worked as long as I have, the pension system would be overfunded by 50 percent, OK, and work until 72. By the way, if you elect me governor, I will not collect until I’m 76. And by my second term, I’ll be 80. So I’m the best pension buy California has ever seen.” I believe that’s his new motto.

Brown says he’d be more effective than the last time he was governor because he’s married now: “I come home at night. I don’t try to close down the bars in Sacramento like I used to do when I was governor of California.” At his age, he closes down the early bird specials.

Brown: “I pledge to the people of this state I will faithfully carry out our law on executions and I’ll do it with compassion but I’ll do it with great fidelity to the rule of law.” “Compassionate” executions. Must be what they taught him at that Jesuit seminary.

By the way, as attorney general Brown is desperately trying to get an execution under his belt, or whatever he uses to hold up his pants, before the election, but a federal judge halted Thursday’s scheduled execution because he’s not convinced that the lethal injection chemicals wouldn’t allow the executee to feel great pain while being paralyzed so it wouldn’t show. And all of the state’s sodium thiopental reaches its expiration date Friday.

Whitman attacked him for appointing Rose Bird to the state supreme court and said: “Jerry has a long, 40-year record of being quite liberal on crime.” And he once shot a guy, just to watch him die.

Brown: “We can cut. They’re fooling around with a lot of fat.” Boy, that’s an image I did not need in my head.

Jazz hands!

Whitman: “No company should put a call center in Phoenix, Arizona, they should put it in Fresno or Stockton.” The, um, call-out to Fresno is because last week she said Fresno “looks like Detroit. It’s awful.” Which is something we can all agree on. I believe that’s actually the city motto.

Whitman on not voting for all those decades: “I apologize to everyone in California.”

Whitman: “I don’t think you can buy elections. I think Californians are too smart.” She means that unions can’t buy elections, not that ultra-rich dilettantes can’t buy elections.

Whitman: “This state is in an enormous mess.” I believe that’s actually the new state motto.

Jazz hands!

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