Thursday, April 25, 2013

A Texas-sized party

The George W. Bush (Snicker) Presidential Library was dedicated today, and yes, that (Snicker) is part of the official title. All the living former presidents were there, some with teeth gritted more tightly than others.

Put your right hand on your heart, George. No, your other right.

Obama was there, which marks the first and last time a black man will visit the George W. Bush (Snicker) Presidential Library, and he gave a little speech.

WE’RE GOING TO TRY TO GET CARTER HAMMERED: “This is a Texas-sized party.”

A DIORAMA OF SHAME: “When all the living former presidents are together, it’s also a special day for our democracy.”

NEITHER OF WHICH WERE SPELLED CORRECTLY: “The first thing I found in that desk the day I took office was a letter from George, and one that demonstrated his compassion and generosity.”

WHICH JUST MAKES IT THAT MUCH SADDER: “And what I know is true about President Bush, and I hope my successor will say about me, is that we love this country and we do our best.”

ALTHOUGH THE HAGUE WOULD LIKE TO GIVE IT A SHOT: “Now, in the past, President Bush has said it’s impossible to pass judgment on his presidency while he’s still alive.”

TWO WORDS: FLIGHT SUIT. “He doesn’t put on any pretenses.”

UM, NO, BARACK. “He is a good man.”

Trying to hint at some sort of relevance to the present day, he talked about Bush’s “commitment to reaching across the aisle”. Yeah, if there’s one thing Bush is remembered for, it’s his commitment to reaching across the aisle. Obama has two examples: immigration reform, which didn’t happen, and No Child Left Behind, which was crap.

And Bush also gave a speech.

SHARED LAUGHTER AT HOW PIG IGNORANT HE IS: “There was a time in my life when I wasn’t likely to be found at a library, much less found one. [laughter]”

YEAH, UNLIKE THAT LAZY OLD FART CARTER: “I am very grateful to President Obama and Michelle for making this trip. [applause] Unlike the other Presidents here, he’s actually got a job. [laughter]”

THAT WORD, HISTORY, I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS: “History is going to show that I served with great people; a talented, dedicated, intelligent team of men and women who love our nation as much as I do.”

WOW, YOU’RE GOING TO BLAME HIM FOR THAT, I MEAN HE’S SITTING RIGHT THERE, DUDE: “Dad taught me how to be a President, before that he showed me how to be a man.”

Evidently, future generations are going to learn in this library “That we expanded freedom at home by raising standards at schools and lowering taxes for everybody. That we liberated nations from dictatorship and freed people from AIDS.” Freed people from AIDS?


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