Republican debate, wherein is revealed why marriage is an important institution

Republican debate, South Carolina, this time Fox generously allowed Ron Paul to participate, though they spent the whole evening asking him questions like, “Are you insane, or just a big ole loser? Thirty seconds, please.”

Paul was asked to disavow his supporters who believe 9/11 was a government conspiracy. He wouldn’t do it, although he did say that personally, “I’ve abandoned those viewpoints.”


What viewpoints has he not abandoned? Paul told his fellow candidates that they need to “understand the importance of Austrian theory of the business cycle.”

And that’s quite enough about Ron Paul.

McCain kept insisting that “I’m called the sheriff by my friends in the Senate who are the appropriators.” Of course, he’s from Arizona, where I belief it’s traditional for sheriffs to be batshit insane fascists. McCain added, holding back a tear, “and I didn’t win Miss Congeniality. And as president, I won’t win Miss Congeniality, either.” Will you settle for Sheriff Congeniality?


Huckabee said the Second Amendment is “just as precious” as the First. The precious, the precious... He was not asked if the 3rd Amendment was more or less precious.

Not having soldiers quartered on you.

You should know that, people.

There was a fascinating theological discussion over what would happen to Iranians who dared challenge the United States Navy. Huckabee said they should “be prepared that the next things you see will be the gates of Hell” while Thompson said, “I think one more step and they would have been introduced to those virgins that they’re looking forward to seeing.” Which is it, gentlemen, virgins or gates of hell?

McCain was asked what he would have done if he’d been the captain. “If I’d have been the captain of the ship, I probably would have assessed the situation as it was at the time.” All those years in the Navy really paid off, huh John?

Later, butting into a question about Israeli-Palestinian peace being answered by Ron Paul, McCain irrelevantly interjected, “Could I just make a comment? I’m not interested in trading with Al Qaida. All they want to trade is burkas. I don’t want to travel with them. They like one-way tickets.” Yeah, like your track record with landing planes is so great.


Twitt Romney said that foreign policy in the 20th century was like a game of checkers, but now it’s more like 3-dimensional chess. Which I think means the Vulcans are totally gonna beat our asses.

Wait, could Romney be a Vulcan? A Mormon Vulcan? Because that would explain a lot.

Romney: “My whole life has been about bringing change to things I have touched”. Um, eww.

Huckabee again cited Trucker’s Magazine, bragging about Arkansas’s improved roads. Also, “We had no bridges falling down in Arkansas.”

Asked about the thing about wives submitting graciously to their husbands, Huckabee complained that “everybody says religion is off limits, except we always can ask me the religious questions.” Yeah, funny that, reverend. And he said that his views about the inferiority of women (or wives, anyway) “has nothing to do with presidency.” And he objected to the rest of us even paying attention to something that “really was spoken to believers, to Christian believers.” How dare he not be left in hypocritical peace to say one thing to Christian believers, and another thing to the rest of us? He said that anyone who knows his wife, “I don’t think they for one minute think that she’s going to just sit by and let me do whatever I want to.” So I guess she’ll be going to the gates of hell for not submitting graciously, hmm reverend? And he claimed to have really meant that husbands and wives submit to each other. Which is not what he meant. At all. “Each partner gives 100 percent of their devotion to the other and that’s why marriage is an important institution, because it teaches us how to love.”


Thompson: “We need to be a nation of high fences and wide gates, and we get to decide when to open the gate and when to close it.” Fred gets hours of entertainment playing with his garage door opener.

Thompson says employers should be required “to use the modern technology that we have now so that they can, in effect, push a button on the front end and find out whether or not someone is legal”. So he wants to install buttons on aliens, is that it?


Huckabee says that it is possible to get rid of all 12 million illegal aliens: “People got themselves here, they can get themselves to the back of the line.” Boy, illegal aliens really do all the jobs Americans don’t want to do.

Can’t you keep it in your pants just this once, Rudy?

Bush in the Middle East: I am confident that the status quo is unacceptable

Bush did some more of that thing he does that’s a little like speaking, in Ramallah and Jerusalem.


Sigh. How is it possible for him to speak so badly? Try this test: say these words out loud: “I know each leaders shares that important goal”. Did your brain revolt and try to stop you? If you carried out this experiment at work, are your co-workers looking at you with worried expressions and offering to call an ambulance?

In the first event, with Palestinian President Abbas, just before lunch, he said, “I explained yesterday, and I just want to explain again today, there are three tracks to this process, as far as we’re concerned.” In the second, in late afternoon, he said, “I underscored to both Prime Minister Olmert and President Abbas that progress needs to be made on four parallel tracks.” Make up your mind or learn to count.


IN OTHER WORDS: “President Abbas was elected on a platform of peace. In other words, he just wasn’t somebody who starts talking about it lately, he campaigned on it.”

THAT “SOME” GUY IS HEARD FROM AGAIN: “Now, look, there are some in the world who don’t believe in the universality of freedom. I understand that. They say, like, freedom is okay for some of us, but maybe not all of us. I understand it, but I reject it.”


YOU GOTTA BELIEVE!: “And I believe it’s possible -- not only possible, I believe it’s going to happen, that there will be a signed peace treaty by the time I leave office. That’s what I believe.” Why does he believe that? “And the reason I believe that is because I hear the urgency in the voice of both the Prime Minister of Israel and the President of the Palestinian Authority.” Or maybe they just have to pee.

IF HE NEEDS TO BE A PAIN: “I was asked yesterday at a press conference, you know, what do you intend to do; if you’re not going to write the agreement, what do you intend to do? I said, nudge the process forward -- like, pressure; be a pain if I need to be a pain -- which in some people’s mind isn’t all that hard.”

IN OTHER, LIKE, WORDS: “And they said, well, like -- yesterday, somebody said, well, are you disappointed? I arrived and it nudged the process forward. In other words, we can help influence the process, and will.”


OVER-CONFIDENT: This is what can happen when you get into a rhetorical rhythm: “I am confident that with proper help, the state of Palestine will emerge. And I’m confident that when it emerges it will be a major step towards peace. I am confident that the status quo is unacceptable”.

CLEAR, SO VERY, VERY CLEAR: “And to the extent that Israeli actions have undermined the effectiveness of the Palestinian force, or the authority of the state relative to the average citizen, is something that we don’t agree with and have made our position clear.”

Due to fog, he actually had to drive into Palestine. So he says he now sort of understands the frustrations Palestinians feel at Israeli checkpoints: “You’ll be happy to hear that my motorcade of a mere 45 cars was able to make it through without being stopped. (Laughter.)” The transcript fails to report if any of those laughing were Palestinian. “My judgment is, I can understand frustrations.” But “The security of a state is essential, particularly in a day and age when people simply disregard the value of human life, and kill.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, they don’t want a state on their border from which attacks would be launched. I can understand that. Any reasonable person can understand that.”

IN OTHER CHEESY WORDS: “In other words, as I said earlier in my administration, I said, Swiss cheese isn’t going to work when it comes to the outline of a state. And I mean that.”

THE QUESTION IS: “The question is whether or not the hard issues can be resolved and the vision emerges, so that the choice is clear amongst the Palestinians -- the choice being, do you want this state, or do you want the status quo? Do you want a future based upon a democratic state, or do you want the same old stuff? And that’s a choice that I’m confident that if the Palestinian people are given, they will choose peace.”

CLEAR, SO VERY, VERY, ABUNDANTLY CLEAR: “And I’m convinced his government will yield a hopeful future. And the best way to make that abundantly clear is for there to be a vision that’s understandable.”

“See, the past has just been empty words, you know.” Oh, I know, I know.


Later in Jerusalem, he summarized his trip thus far for reporters: “I called upon both leaders to make sure their teams negotiate seriously, starting right now.” Take off those Groucho glasses. He said there should be an end to occupation, and that Palestine should be viable and contiguous. But the border should “reflect current realities” and he thinks he can “resolve” the issue of Palestinian refugees through compensation rather than return. So good luck with that.

In the afternoon, he went to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.


Here he is at the Door of Humility:


And here he and Condi are where the Baby Jeebus was born. CAPTION CONTEST!


He said of the visit, “It’s a fascinating history in this church, so not only was my soul uplifted, my knowledge of history was enriched.”

Bush in Israel: I’m an optimistic people

Bush, in Israel, explains, oh, something about rolls and visions: “The role of the Israeli leadership and the Palestinian leadership is going to do the hard work necessary to define a vision.”

I’m told the Israeli press was full of pictures of a bathrobe Olmert is giving George, with his name in gold stitching. Whatevs.


Oh, and a sports jersey.


Later, Bush had a press conference with Prime Minister Olmert. As politicians tend to do when they visit the Middle East, he used the word “historic” a lot: “I view this as an historic moment. It’s a historic opportunity, Mr. Prime Minister, first of all, to work together to deal with the security of Israel and the Palestinian people -- matter of fact, the security of people who just simply want to live in peace.” Well, which ones, George, the people who just simply want to live in peace, or the Israelis and Palestinians?

“If I were a rich man, Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.”

A LITTLE PRESSURE: “If it looks like there needs to be a little pressure, Mr. Prime Minister, you know me well enough to know I’ll be more than willing to provide it. I will say the same thing to President Abbas tomorrow, as well.” Adding, “But when I say that to Laura, she always tells me she has a headache.”

More and more lately, Bush has been reporting on conversations with his imaginary friends: “you know, people in America say, well, do you really think these guys are serious? We’ve heard a lot of rhetoric in the past, a lot of grand proclamations.” “I’m an optimistic people -- people say, do you think it’s possible during your presidency, and the answer is, I’m very hopeful and will work hard to that end.”

REMINDER-IN-CHIEF: “And I want to remind people, Mr. Prime Minister, what I said at the press conference when I discussed that National Intelligence Estimate.” “Let me remind you what the NIE actually said.” “I will be talking about the opportunity for Middle Eastern peace, and remind people in the neighborhood that if they truly want to see two states living side by side in peace, they have an obligation, Arab leaders have an obligation to recognize Israel’s important contribution to peace and stability in the Middle East”. Oh, I think they all already recognize Israel’s important contribution to peace and stability in the Middle East.

“A little close there, grandpa.”

Bush, as we know, is not good at verb tenses. But he’s working at it: “I said then that Iran was a threat, Iran is a threat, and Iran will be a threat if the international community does not come together and prevent that nation from the development of the know-how to build a nuclear weapon.”

Prepositions, still a problem: “they’ve got missiles in which they can use to deliver the bomb.”

FUNDAMENTAL QUESTIONS: “The fundamental questions that I was seeking at Annapolis and on my return trip is the understanding about the power of what a vision will do for peace.”

TOO BIG ON THE GROUND: “and by the way, the atmosphere in America was, nothing is going to happen, see, that these issues are too big on the ground”

CONDESCENDER-IN-CHIEF: “You just heard the man talk about their desire to deal with core issues, which I guess for the uneducated on the issue, that means dealing with the issues like territory and right of return and Jerusalem.”

THE VISION TRACK: “There’s three tracks going on, by the way, during this process. One is the vision track.”

What is that vision track? “The goal is for there to be a clear vision of what a state would look like, so that, for example, reasonable Palestinian leadership can say, here’s your choice: You can have the vision of Hamas, which is dangerous and will lead to war and violence, or you can have the vision of a state, which should be hopeful.”

A STRAIGHT LINE IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE: “As to the rockets, my first question is going to be to President Abbas, what do you intend to do about them?”

HE CANNOT BE A SAFE HAVEN: “[B]ut at least he’s [Abbas] told me that he fully recognizes in order for there to be a state, he cannot be a safe haven for terrorists that want to destroy Israel.”

There were, of course, protests, like this one in front of the American consulate in Jerusalem.


And in Gaza City, where Bush was severely insulted in culturally specific ways he won’t understand:

Wherein George Bush reveals what we must recognize

On arrival in Israel, Bush told the locals, “We must recognize that the great ideology based upon liberty is hopeful.”

As is the case with so many places, in Israel it’s all about the hats:



Just a little too happy to be there:

Privacy

In past years, did candidates make concession calls to the winner in primary votes? I just don’t remember them doing so, and it seems kind of silly. Anyway, McCain went into the bathroom to take the concession call from Huckabee in privacy. Yeah. For privacy. Sure.

Separated at birth?

A vision that’s clearly defined

Bush met Turkey’s president today. His speech was prepared, I assume, by a junior high student: “Turkey is a strategic partner of the United States. Relations between the United States and Turkey are important for our country. ... We deal with common problems. One such problem is our continuing fight against a common enemy, and that’s terrorists, and such a common enemy as the PKK. It’s an enemy to Turkey, it’s an enemy to Iraq, and it’s an enemy to people who want to live in peace. The United States, along with Turkey, are confronting these folks. And we will continue to confront them for the sake of peace.”


He called on the EU to admit Turkey, which is never gonna happen, and added, “I view Turkey as a bridge between Europe and the Islamic world, a constructive bridge.” As opposed to a destructive bridge.

The White House website has an amusing “Setting the Record Straight” item today, responding to a WaPo article which said that Bush is scaling back his ambitions for the Israeli-Palestinian peace process just to that “defining a vision of what a Palestinian state will look like” thing. No, says the website, setting the record very straight indeed, Bush’s ambitions have always been vague and unambitious.

In the afternoon, Bush had a video conference with members of the Provincial Reconstruction Teams in Iraq, after which he talked to reporters. He explained what they know: “The PRT leaders have gotten to know the Iraqi people. They understand the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in freedom and peace; that’s what they know. You know why? Because the citizens tell them just that.”


Asked about yesterday’s game of naval chicken in the Strait of Hormuz, he began with the six truest words he has ever spoken: “I don’t know what I think -- what their thinking was, but I’m telling you what I think it was. I think it was a provocative act. ... And my message today to the Iranians is, they shouldn’t have done what they did.”


A OUTLINES: Bush explained what he hopes to accomplish in the Middle East: “What has to happen in order for there to be a peaceful settlement of a longstanding dispute is there to be a outlines of a state clearly defined, so that at some point in time, the Palestinians who agree that Israel ought to be -- exist, and agree that a state ought to live side by side with Israel in peace, have something to be for. They need to have a vision that’s clearly defined that competes with the terrorists and the killers who murder the innocent people to stop the advance of democracy.”

And who better to offer a vision that’s clearly defined than George W. Bush?

Bringing out the best in us (updated)

The NYT quotes Obama thus: “We need a president who stops using 9/11 as a way to scare up votes and uses it as a way to bring out the best in us.”

And, er, how exactly does he propose to use 9/11 to bring out the best in us?

(Update: there have been several suggestions in comments as to what Obama might have meant, but they amount to guesses, attempts by my typically high-minded commenters to superimpose their own ideals on Obama’s nebulous rhetoric. Arguably, this is the appeal of Obama in a nutshell. The focus of this election on “electability” seems to have found its natural apotheosis: a good campaigner whose campaigning skills tell us absolutely nothing about how he’d govern.)

Do as I say, not as I do

In a statement on Kenya, Bush 1) “condemn[s] the use of violence as a political tool,” 2) talks about “voting irregularities” as if they are an issue that should be addressed, 3) supports the efforts of the media and civil society to hold political leaders to account.

Sometimes the hypocrisy reaches a kind of Zen perfection.

Everybody was a blue ribbon school

Yay! a new victimized group is heard from: “post-abortive men.”

Today is the 6th anniversary of the signing of the No Child Left Behind Act, and by coincidence the 6th Circuit ruled this morning that the act imposes unfunded mandates and does so in such a way that states aren’t told what they’re on the hook for when the accept federal ed. dollars.

Bush celebrated the anniversary by going to a Blue Ribbon School in Chicago. “Every good school-- every school that succeeds -- by the way, it’s a Blue Ribbon School. So I asked Margaret -- like, I remember coming up, everybody was a blue ribbon school. I don’t know if you remember those days. It was kind of a feel-good era. Just say, okay, you’re a blue ribbon school, and everybody feels better about education.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “Look, I recognize some people don’t like accountability. In other words, accountability says if you’re failing, we’re going to expose that and expect you to change. Accountability also says that when you’re succeeding you’ll get plenty of praise.”

IN LIKE A FANCY WORD: “it’s also important to disaggregate results, which is like a fancy word for we want to know whether or not each student is learning.”

SIMPLE, UM, TRUTHS: “Sometimes – not ‘sometimes,’ all the time – accountability lays out the truth. There’s nothing better, in my judgment, to making sure that we have a educated workforce, and everybody has a hopeful future, than to just lay out some simple truths. And one of the simple truths is, can this child read at grade level at the appropriate time. That’s a simple truth. Another one is, can the person add and subtract at the appropriate time, and if so, we’ll say thank you.” If they add and subtract at the inappropriate time, however...


MEASURING HOPE: “And so -- but we measure for that reason. We want to know whether or not this nation is going to be competitive, and whether or not it’s going to be hopeful.”

Then he gave a speech about the economy to the Union League Club of Chicago. It was a little dry, so I’ll reduce it to the essentials: all the IN OTHER WORDS bits.

In other words, this is a resilient economy, because we rely on the free enterprise system.

So in other words, on the one hand, we’re continuing to set a record; on the other hand, there’s mixed news.

In other words, when you open up markets, where our goods and services are treated fairly, we can compete with anybody anytime.

In other words, there’s a constructive role for the federal government that I believe will help us during these times of uncertainty, and one of them is to expand the reach of the Federal Housing Administration. In other words, this is a program all aimed at helping credit-worthy people refinance their home so they can stay in it during these times of uncertainty.

In other words, these are constructive ways to deal with the problem we face.

I can press when there needs to be pressed

Friday, Bush did back-to-back interviews with Israeli television, with Al Hurra, the tv station the US operates in Iraq and the Middle East, and with Al Arabiya.

Asked if he can really achieve peace by the end of 2008, he lowered the bar a tad: “I think we can reach a vision of what a Palestinian state would look like.” So Bush is visiting the Middle East to “reach a vision.” Because people having visions in the Middle East has never created any problems before.

IN OTHER VERBS WORDS: “And so the goal is to have something other than just verbs -- words. In other words, here’s what a state will look like.”

ICE CREAM FOR EVERYONE!: “There needs -- Abbas, who has agreed that Israel has the right to exist, must be able to say to his people: be for me, support me, and this is what can happen; if you follow the way of the terrorists and the killers, this will never happen.”

THE GREATEST UNDERSTATEMENT IN THE HISTORY OF GREATEST UNDERSTATEMENTS: “I also believe that the leaders know me, and I know them, and that there’s a -- you know, they say, well, are you going to have a time table? One time table is the departure of President George W. Bush from the White House -- not that that I’m any great, heroic figure...”

IN OTHER SCARY WORDS: “It means to me that Iran was a threat and Iran is a threat. In other words, just because they had a military covert program that it suspended doesn’t mean, one, they could restart it. And two, doesn’t mean that their capacity to enrich couldn’t -- you know, so-called civilian program -- couldn’t be transferred to a military. So I see it as a threat.”

HIP REPLACEMENT: “I tell my friends from Texas, I left the state with a state of principles, and I’m returning with the same set of principles.” Still in their original shrink-wrap. “And I didn’t compromise my beliefs in order to be the popular guy, or the hip guy, or the guy that every -- you know, the cultural elite likes.”

BUSH REVEALS WHEN HE FIRST NOTICED THAT THE SUN IS YELLOW: “You know, my first trip to Israel, and only trip to Israel, was in 1998. And I remember being in a hotel room and opened the curtain over the Old City, and the sun was just coming up, and it just glowed. It was golden. And I told Laura, I can’t believe what I’m looking at.” And she told me that the people outside my window were saying the same thing and could I put some pants on.

Yes, that joke was inspired by Life of Brian.

How he can help the peace process: “I can press when there needs to be pressed; I can hold hands when there needs to be -- hold hands.”

SOMEWHAT UNFORTUNATE METAPHOR: “There’s going to be all kinds of distractions, and people will be trying to throw up roadblocks and people will be trying to cause these gentlemen to -- not to -- lose sight of what’s possible. And my job is to help them keep a vision on what is possible.”

THE FIRST STEP IS TO: “And so the state will come into being, subject to, but the first step is to -- here’s what a state will look like.”

On Lebanon’s stalled presidential process: “We’re making it awfully clear to -- publicly and privately -- that Sleiman, who was selected by the -- by a lot of the players there inside Lebanon, is the right choice; if that’s what they want, that’s who we support”. Traditionally, it’s considered a major violation of diplomatic protocols to support a candidate for office in another country. Just saying.

HONORING THE NOTION: “And yet, as opposed to honoring the notion of staying out of -- and to stop obstructing politics, Syria just has not been helpful at all.”

He says “Lebanon’s survival as a democracy is, in my judgment, very important for the world,” but he won’t be going to Lebanon, because “there’s only so much time.”

THE SAME MESSAGE: “Therefore, part of our strategy is to get others to send the same message that I’ve consistently been sending to President Assad: If you want to be isolated, if you want to be -- or if you want -- you have a choice: Do you want to be isolated or a part of the world? You can make the choice. You can hang out with a limited number of friends, like Iran, or you can have better relations in the neighborhood and in the world. It’s your choice to make.” Because the Middle East is just like a high school lunch room.

Actually, it kinda is.

AS OPPOSED TO CHIMPY DIGNITY: “I would hope that they would say President Bush respects my religion and has great love for the human -- human being, and believes in human dignity.”

Al Arabiya asked if Bush would ask Olmert to halt settlement activities, which they called a major obstacle to peace. Bush wouldn’t even give them that much: “I think the major obstacle to peace is going to be the politics of both Palestinians and Israelis trying to take advantage of the difficult work that these two leaders are going to have to do to define a state; that’s what I think. I think that extremists, in some instances, will try to stop the peace.” After a bit more blather, he conceded that settlement activity is “a problem” (as opposed to an obstacle), but that he would personally do nothing about it: “But there’s a mechanism to deal with that, and that is the road map commission... to deal with these road map issues. Now, we can solve those -- we can work through those problems, but the key is to define a state.” I would have thought that the presence of citizens of another country occupying large chunks of your territory, not subject to your laws and authority, protected by a foreign army, might have a little something to do with defining a state, but that’s just me.

WORKING WITH CONDI TO UNSTICK IT: “And what ends up happening in this process is that the leaders will commit, and then they’ll get their committees to work, and it gets stuck. And that’s when I’ll have to work with Condi Rice to unstick it”. I’d put a joke in here, but each version of “Like the time I got my ( ) stuck in ( )” I come up with is more disturbing than the one before.

BECAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU, GEORGE: “I hope that as a result of this interview and my trip, that people come away with the notion that George Bush understands now is the time to move.”

Says he cares about Palestinians because “my religion teaches me to love your neighbor.” I didn’t know he even knew my neighbor.

Iran “will be a danger if they’re allowed to enrich, because they can take the knowledge on how to enrich and convert it to a covert program.”

However, “I also believe that the Iranian people are not bad”. They’ll be thrilled to hear you think so.

But what thrills George? “you know what thrills me the most is that the average Iraqi’s life is becoming more hopeful.” Also, anything shiny. Shiny things thrill him because they’re all shiny.

WHAT ARE THERE TOO MANY OF? “There’s still too many suiciders”. He did not say how many suiciders is the right amount.

Republican debate: If you tell a half-truth as if it is the full truth, then it can become an untruth

Hillary’s new theme is the contrast between talkers (Obama) and doers. This seems a little dangerous, since Bill Clinton was very much a talker and very much (ahem) a doer. Sometimes both at once, if I remember the Starr Report correctly.

Another day, another presidential debate (at least it was just one today), this time without Ron Paul, kept out by Fox. Missed the little guy. He and Dennis Kucinich, who was excluded from the ABC debate yesterday, should have held their own debate.


Romney explained that one of “the great lessons of Ronald Reagan” is that cutting taxes grows the economy.

Romney seriously got in Huckabee’s face, demanding to know if Arkansas’s taxes went up while he was governor. Huckabee dodged (rather ineptly) four times before admitting that they indeed went up, blaming a court order forcing the state to improve education. “You know, education is a good thing for kids,” he informed Romney. Also roads. “People want roads,” he informed Romney. Especially roads leading the hell out of Arkansas. Later, when Romney tried to question him again, the Huckster refused to talk to him any more, and looking rigidly straight ahead, said, “I believe I’ll let Chris [Wallace] be the moderator here.”


Romney finds it “kind of offensive” that D’s are attacking corporations which are creating jobs (in yesterday’s debate, he demanded of McCain, “Don’t turn the pharmaceutical companies into the big bad guys”).

Giuliani said that R’s are better than D’s at getting people out of poverty, and that they just need to tell poor people that, and to do so in as condescending a way as possible. For example, as mayor, “I would go into the neighborhoods where I was being castigated for work fair and I would say to them, ‘I’m doing workfare because I love you more. I care about you more.’” He says that the proof of his effectiveness in getting people out of poverty was that when he left office, a lot fewer people were receiving welfare. Quod erat demonstrandum.

McCain on Bin Laden: “I know how to get him, and I will get him.” Asked later to elaborate on how he’d “get him,” Mickey C said he’d do it by expanding intelligence capabilities and by making it the top priority. That’s so crazy it just might work!


Huckabee wants the border fence built “with American labor and American materials.”

Huckabee commits heresy: “Even Ronald Reagan can make mistakes” (on giving amnesty to illegal aliens).

There was a lot of talk about the relative merits of a senator or a governor becoming president, especially in foreign policy. Giuliani, who was neither, cited his experience in, oh, what was that event again? And that “a Saudi prince handed me a $10 million check and wanted me to use it as a criticism of American foreign policy, I handed that check back to him and told him what to do with it”. See? a born diplomat. Also, he threw Castro and Arafat out of the UN’s 50th anniversary celebration, so don’t say he has no foreign policy experience.


McCain said he never heard Romney criticizing Rumsfeld. That’s because I was a governor, replied Romney, adding that he thought there were intelligence failures in Iraq. For example, not realizing that Iraqis didn’t want to be invaded. “There were some who said there would be dancing in the streets when we came into Baghdad, and there was, but for a short period of time.” He added that “We were understaffed by a dramatic amount.” “Understaffed”? I believe the military have their own term, Mr. CEO. The Trader Joe’s I went to a couple of days ago, that was understaffed.

The Huck repeated that Guantanamo is “too darn good,” so he wants to shut it down, and it’s not because of what the world thinks, “I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks.”

The Huckster’s “vertical leadership” thing is really beginning to irritate me. “[P]eople are looking for a positive
president who leads not so much horizontally — left, right, liberal, conservative, Democrat, Republican — but vertically, up, not down.” What? WHAT??

Huckabee on Romney’s attack ads: “if you tell a half-truth as if it is the full truth, then it can become an untruth.”

Ain’t it the, uh, truth.

Democratic debate: Likeable enough

Dem debate. This time I’m just reading the transcript, because enough really, and life is too short to listen to Bill Richardson.

Charlie Gibson says there will soon be a terrorist nuclear attack on an American city, he’s sure of it, and how would the candidates respond to one. Edwards says that he would find out who was responsible and go after them, “because if someone has attacked us with a nuclear weapon, it means they have nuclear technology”. Also, the US should “react strongly, but to do it in a way that is calming for the American people and calming for the world”. Edwards is really really off his game.

Obama said, “I am the candidate of change, and if a nuke went off, I would immediately change my underwear.” No, what he said is that he is also for retaliating. Honestly, did Gibson expect this question to lead to any major revelations?

Hillary adopts the Bush policy: the hypothetical perps may be stateless terrorists, but “the stateless terrorists will operate from somewhere.” So we should bomb the shit out of that country.


Obama is against mandatory health insurance because many people are without health insurance because they can’t afford it. Boy, that’s not what the R’s said in their debate.

Then Hillary criticizes him for wanting to make it mandatory for parents to insure their children. I guess it shows he’s a hypocrite, or something.

Edwards says that he and Obama are powerful voices for change, and “Any time you speak out powerfully for change, the forces of status quo attack.”

Hillary, who for some reason seemed to think someone had said her name, attacked responded, “I want to make change, but I’ve already made change. I will continue to make change.” She then gave Bill Richardson three quarters, two dimes and a nickel for a dollar bill.

I’m a little off my game too.

She said that is an agent of change and embodies change and a woman president would be a nice change and did I mention change at all?


Gibson said that the Surge is working (“were it not for the surge, instead of counting votes we’d be counting bodies in the streets”) and tried to get the candidates to agree. Hillary said, “unfortunately, I don’t see any reason why they [American troops] should remain beyond, you know, today.”

A local ABC reporter told Hillary that NH voters “are hesitating on the likability issue.” Only a reporter would think that likability is an “issue.” So why are you so unlikeable, senator, or at least less so much less likeable than Barack, who is quite likeable? Hillary says she too thinks Barack is likeable but “I don’t think I’m that bad.” Obama tells her she’s “likeable enough.” How much is enough? Anyway, I don’t really see her adopting that as a campaign slogan.



During that exchange, Bill Richardson was making puppy eyes at everyone, hoping someone will say that he’s likeable too. They didn’t. Poor Bill Richardson.

Edwards: “When I see these lobbyists roaming around Washington, D.C., taking all the politicians to cocktail parties, I mean, the picture I get in my head is my father and my grandmother going in that mill every day”. Well, the lobbyists could take all the politicians to mills, or all the mill-workers to cocktail parties...

Later he added that politicians go to cocktail parties “every single day.” Maybe they just really like cocktails. He compared himself with another crusader: “Teddy Roosevelt took them on, busted the monopolies, busted the trusts. That’s what it’s going to take.” Only in Edwards’s case, he’ll be busting the cocktail parties. “You cannot nice these people to death,” he added.

Obama said he had banned lobbyists buying meals for members of Congress. The reporter pointed out that they can still feed them at those cocktail parties, as long as they’re standing up.

Shorter Democratic debate: Change. Change change. Change change change. Change.

Change.

Republican debate: Not subject to a bunker mentality

First of three presidential debates this weekend. Kill me. Transcript.

In the foreign policy segment, the candidates all praised George Bush and his glorious little war, and ganged up on Ron Paul for failing to understand America’s true role in the world: innocent victim.


Giuliani: the Islamic threat has “nothing to do with our foreign policy,” but comes from their “perverted thinking.” Later, looking for examples of terrorism against non-Americans, he cited as an act of Islamic terrorism the 1972 Munich Olympics.

Romney: “The president is not arrogant. The president is not subject to a bunker mentality.” Huckabee, who asked if Romney had actually read all of his article before attacking it (Romney said he had, knowing no one would believe he read it any more than they believe Huckabee wrote it), took the opportunity to backtrack, saying that what he meant by “arrogant” was Rumsfeld’s insistence that Iraq could be occupied with a small military force.

Romney said the US and its allies (the US still has allies?) should “move the world of Islam to modernity and moderation”. This is a guy who spent two years unsuccessfully trying to convert the French to Mormonism.


(They’ve all been reading up on radical Islam. Romney, who told Paul he didn’t understand what radical jihad is, talked about someone named Sayyid Cuetip. Huckabee, of all people, did a better job of pronouncing Sayyid Qutb’s admittedly challenging name.)


Fred Thompson propounded this exciting concept about when the US should involve itself in the affairs of others nations: “We should only go in where we should and where we’re able to.”

At which point Jeri Thompson sighed.

McCain: “I didn’t say we needed a secret plan for withdrawal [from Iraq].” Secret plan? Who has a secret plan? I think he’s remembering Nixon’s secret plan for getting out of Vietnam.


I still don’t know what Huckabee means by “vertical leadership.”

Romney got increasingly testy at the jibes against him, as when McCain called him the candidate of change. Romney is quite thin-skinned.

In the segment on immigration, which as always mostly involved a learned lexicological discussion of the meaning of the word amnesty, McCain went out of his way to invoke the sacred name of Joe Lieberman, who says that anyone who says McCain supports amnesty is a liar.


Thompson, asked about oil company profits, says he “takes note” when they profit, and he takes note when they lose money. When has an oil company ever lost money? Well, an oil company not run by George W. Bush, obviously. Thompson says high oil prices are from supply and demand, and China going all over the world making deals with dictators. Thank God we only get our oil from democracies.


What’s up with that weird thing with Giuliani’s eyes?

Eisenhower started the program to put a man on the moon? Whatever, Rudy.


Huckabee wants a $1 billion prize for the first person who comes up with a car that can get 100 miles per gallon. Oh Huck, you’ll have to do a lot better than that: Exxon-Mobil’s bounty is $10 billion for the head – just the head – of the first person who comes up with a car that can get 100 miles per gallon.

The Huck says dictators in the Middle East and Venezuela are “enslaving” the American people.

I am always concerned about violence

Thursday, Bush was interviewed by Reuters about his trip to the Middle East. The region originated so many world religions, but the Monkey God was more concerned with mythology: “You know, kind of one of the interesting myths is I haven’t been to the Middle East”.

Why is he going? “[T]o remind our Arab friends and allies, one, they can count on... the United States to provide security in the region”. Because that always works so well. “[B]ut also remind them that they have a great opportunity to help advance the process and to recognize the important role that Israel will play in helping to establish a Palestinian state”. So helpful.


In fact, he will be spending the entire trip “reminding” people of things: “to remind the Palestinians and the Israelis that in order for there to be peace that there has to be a vision of what a state will look like”; “remind the Arab leaders that they, too, can have a constructive role”; “remind everybody that a truly lasting peace will occur when the leaders from both sides make that commitment”; “I will remind them that a country that can suspend a program can easily start a program”. “And my challenge is to remind the American people that while they’re paying attention to these primaries there is a President actively engaged solving problems.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “So the vision is set out, something around which people can rally -- in other words people in the Palestinian Territories can say, I’m for this, this is what I want to have happen, and therefore we reject those who espouse terror.”

IN OTHER WORDS, AND OTHER TRACKS: “So in other words, there’s a dual track that parallels the negotiations on what the state would look like; but actually there’s a third track as well, which is helping the Palestinians develop the institutions necessary for the state to be a state that meets the needs of its people.” “In other words, there’s a series of steps we’re taking”.

MIDDLE EAST LEADERS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY: He will “remind” them that “they can easily stay mired in the issue of the moment, and that they have a responsibility, it seems to me, is to make sure that as they deal with problems, but to think about what a definition of a state will mean to their own security and for peace.”


Watch a political master at work masterfully concealing his ignorance about what’s going on in the region he’s about to visit (masterfully):

Q: And are you worried that the latest violence over there is going to undermine your efforts?

BUSH: Am I worried about violence undermining --

Q: The latest violence over there --

BUSH: I’m worried about violence everywhere in the world undermining the efforts of free societies to emerge.

He even slipped in an IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, people use violence to stop the emergence of a free society. That’s the conflict we’re in. And so I am always concerned about violence.”

Paying attention, Huckabee?

He said there should be a political accommodation in Kenya, presumably between the people who stole the election and the people who actually won it, “some kind of arrangement that will help heal the wounds of a closely divided election.” Reached for comment, Al Gore just sighed. And Bush warned, “it’s going to be hard to help a country if it gets wracked by violence.”

The assassination of Benazir Bhutto is “another wake-up signal to the realities of the world in which we live.” “After all, this brave woman was killed by terrorists with a terrorist act.” He talked about the need for cooperation with “the Paks.”

Asked if he believed Al Qaida was responsible, he judiciously said, “I will withhold judgment until we know the facts -- but it has all the hallmarks of how they operate, and that is to kill innocent people, to murder. It was cold-blooded murder, and they did that -- they’ve done that -- or people like them, or people affiliated with them, or people who think they’re -- you know, people who are trying to copy them murder innocent people for political objectives. And so I can’t make an accusation in this case as to who did it until -- I’m sure we’ll find out.”

THAT CAN BE PAINFUL: “I’m also concerned, as I mentioned, about people feeling the pinch in their homes.”

One of the reasons I’m going is to remind them of the work they got to do

In preparation for his upcoming trip to the Middle East, Bush gave a couple of interviews today, the first to Israel’s Yediot Ahronot, the second a roundtable with newspapers from the other countries he’ll be visiting. At one point he said that he went to war with Iraq because “I decided to make sure words meant something.” I assume this was meant ironically.

TO MAKE SURE WORDS MEAN SOMETHING, THEY MUST FIRST BE IN OTHER WORDSED: “In other words, as far as we were concerned, he had weapons of mass destruction which could have been used in a deadly way.” “In other words, there’s got to be a recognition that we need institution-building, there needs to be work.” “In other words, Russia has basically taken that argument away from the Iranians that said, we are -- have the sovereign right to have a civilian nuclear program, and they said, fine.” “And there’s a lot of church and faith-based groups involved in southern Sudan trying to improve the lot of people living there, in other words, the great humanitarian outreach that takes place.” “In other words, the rebel groups cannot take advantage of -- continue to take advantage of this notion that they can do what they want without being serious about the peace.”

He talked about creating a Palestinian state “subject to the road map.” He said that Olmert “understands the significance of defining a hopeful state.” He knows that because he did that soul-looking-into thing he does so well: “And so when I talk to Prime Minister Olmert, I listen very carefully to whether or not he’s able to think beyond the moment. And I’ve come to the conclusion that, yes, he is a man of vision.”

“BY THE WAY” IS THE NEW “IN OTHER WORDS”: “And the United States, by the way, can help both parties. That’s why I’m going: to help boost the confidence of both parties to reach out for a vision. And by the way, the trip is more than just going to Israel and the Palestinian Territories. I’m also going to the Arab world”. And 6 more “by the ways” in the roundtable.

AT LEAST HE’S GOT AN AGENDA: “Now, they got work to do, and one of the reasons I’m going is to remind them of the work they got to do.”

IN FACT, THERE WILL BE A WHOLE LOT OF REMINDING: “the American President can help move the process forward by reminding friends and allies in the Middle East about the importance of the two-state solution and what they can do to help.” “I remind people that the President should -- must understand, like in the Middle East, that the conditions must be ripe for people to go for peace”. “I will remind them that we’ve got a three-track strategy”. “part of my trip is to remind our friends and allies how important it is for Lebanon to succeed”. “I will remind them that what happens in parts of the world matters to the security of the United States of America, and that we look forward to being a constructive force and working with allies like allies should do.” “remind them of this ideological struggle in which we’re involved”. “My job is to remind people that laying out a substantive, real vision around which people of good faith can rally is instrumental to peace.”

IT’S GOOD THAT SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT THE HELL HE’S SAYING: “Both understand, as well, that I said conditions on the ground, the realities of the situation will help determine what a -- the borders look like.”

He said, “You know, women are now very active in the Kuwaiti parliament.” As what? This is not the first time he has tried to claim that there are women in the Kuwaiti parliament.

He said, “My friend, King Abdallah of Saudi Arabia doesn’t get enough credit for beginning to reform his society.” Yeah, wonder why that is. “I admire him because he is a man who commands a lot of respect from me, personally”. Incidentally, Bush has never been to Saudi Arabia before, which surprised me.

“[T]he Kingdom of Saudi Arabia recognized that murderers threaten not only other parts of the world, but threaten the Kingdom’s own security.” You know, with the murdering and all.

BUSH HAS NO IDEA WHAT A “MAGHREB” MIGHT BE:

Q: Thank you. Thank you again, Mr. President. Mr. President, I wanted to ask you, your visit to the region will not include the Maghreb Arab.

BUSH: Will not include --

Q: The Maghreb Arab --

BUSH: Yes, that’s right.

The reporter then took pity on him and explained the term.

He actually has been to Morocco, before he was president: “I’ll never forget drinking crushed almond milk [as opposed to Bogie, who came for the waters], and enjoyed the wonders of the desert... I threw snowballs in Morocco one time in the Atlas mountain range.” See, he’s already done everything there is to do in North Africa.

BUSH REVEALS WHAT HIS GREATEST CONTRIBUTION TO HISTORIOGRAPHY WILL BE: “I’ll be dead before the true history of the Bush administration is written.”

February 2008 California proposition recommendations

Looking for June 2010 proposition recommendations? Click here.

Update: Official election results here, and added below in purple (figures subject to some change when all the absentee ballots are counted).

Prop. 91. Transportation funds. This is the first time I’ve ever seen the pamphlet “Yes” argument actually ask you to vote No. And there is no “No” argument, because this whole issue was already settled by Prop 1A in 2006 and shouldn’t be on the ballot at all. I have no idea what would happen if 91 actually passed. You could vote yes just to be ornery, but I say just skip it. Lost 42-58.

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Prop. 92. Community college fees. Limiting fees is good, and would help return community colleges to their function as places of continuing lifetime education, learning for the sake of learning, as well as the vocational functions which are important but are currently over-stressed (including in the Yes argument). But then, fees should also be limited for the UC and Cal State systems as well, with much more predictability (and community college fees here are quite low compared to most other states, unlike those of UC and Cal State). Where 92 becomes completely unacceptable is in letting the voters of 2008 set budget priorities far into the future, as if Californians 5 or 10 or 15 years from now can’t be trusted to understand the value of education as well as we can. In a democracy, setting priorities is the job of the democratically elected legislature. So while I’d like to see fees rolled back, this is not the way to do it. No. No, 57-43.

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Prop. 93. Term limits. This alters the 1990 term limits initiative, which limited candidates to serving 6 years in Assembly and 8 in the State Senate, which has resulted in some candidates scrambling to get themselves elected to the other house, to a limit of 12 years all told in either or both house, with current members allowed 12 years in their current house even if they previously served in the other one. So instead of 14 years, they will get somewhere between 12 and 20 years. Hidden in all those details is an interesting change in the principle of term limits: the 1990 version was focused on the seats, ensuring that they turned over every 6 or 8 years, while the 2008 one is focused on the politicians themselves.

Term limits are undemocratic, based on the assumption that voters cannot be trusted. And 17 years of this experiment haven’t brought any improvements to the legislative process or made legislators more responsive to their constituents. So I resent having a choice only between two forms of term limits. This one is probably better than the 1990 version in eliminating the intriguing and plotting of termed-out legislators trying to get into the other house, so I will probably vote yes, but if you want to vote no because you feel the exemption which incumbents are trying to give themselves doesn’t pass the smell test, I wouldn’t argue with you. Despite a late endorsement by Schwarzenegger, this loses 53.6% to 46.4, probably due to the self-serving exemptions, although it may also have created suspicions by being too complex.

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Props 94-97. Ratifying Schwarzenegger deals with four Indian tribes in Southern California to increase the scale of their casino operations – a lot – while increasing the share of their revenue to the state.

The ballot arguments leave some questions unanswered: Can California really keep that many slot machines running non-stop? How many of them would have themes from Schwarzenegger movies? “I’ll be back... once I’ve withdrawn all the money from my children’s college accounts.” If we agree to let the state legislators stay in office until the last ounce of flesh has rotted off their skeletons, would they agree to stop wasting our time with crap like this? Except that we know we can’t trust them with an issue where so much money is involved, in the form of campaign contributions, freebies, and “free” money for the budget. We can see this in the way that protections for workers disappeared from the compacts. This suggests that the state won’t properly oversee the labor and environmental provisions (and the tribes are exempt from many federal and state laws, free to regulate themselves). I’d also have wanted provisions restricting advertising.

These measure give favorable advantages to just four of the state’s 108 Indian tribes, small ones at that, and those tribes are already beginning to fraudulently purge tribal members so they can divide the windfall among fewer people. No. All win with just under 56%, from a combination of endless commercials with sad-eyed Indians and greed for free money to fill the budget short-fall.

Comments and rebuttals welcome.

The knickers saved the day

Iowa voters are caucusing, or Iowa caucusers are voting, or something, but one thing is sure: whatever the results, the corn abides.

Also, no one has to pay attention to Iowa again for four years.

Okay, am I the only one who saw the headline “China Ships Food Aid to Zimbabwe” (BBC) and thought, but an hour later you feel like you need food aid again?

Speaking of obvious straight lines, China is planning to change its method of execution from shooting to forcing the prisoner to suck on toys made for export to the United Stateslethal injection.

Best line about the Tatiana the Tiger incident, from Jon Carroll: “Here’s a rule of thumb: If it’s burning bright in the forests of the night, best not to throw rocks at it.”

Headline of the day: “Giant Knickers Put out House Fire.” I have refrained from including a photo of the somewhat scorched hero knickers (heroine knickers, I guess). Said the proud owner of the garment in question, “My family could have been in hospital but the knickers saved the day.”

Not quite the headlines of the day, but here are two successive AP headlines: 1) “Importance of Teaching Evolution Noted.” 2) “Man Using GPS Drives in Front of Train.” Here endeth the lesson.

The story after that is “Unemployed to Sterilize Monkeys in India.”

A people perverted

Giuliani’s latest fear-mongering ad may be the fear-mongeringest yet:



“A people perverted”?

As I was watching Mike Huckabee on Jay Leno, I suddenly wondered if watching Leno meant I was crossing a picket line like Huckabee (who does like his crosses). The Huckster claimed to have been under the impression that Leno had made the deal with the writers’ union that in fact Letterman’s production company made. Appropriately, then, the Huck plagiarized an old line of Jon Stewart’s, saying he wanted to remind people of the guy they work with rather than the guy who laid them off (Stewart said in 1999 that the Republican House managers of the Clinton impeachment looked like every guy who ever fired his dad).

The Huck said that when he was a minister he saw every single “social pathology,” so they were not abstract to him and he could put a name and face to each one. However he was evidently applying terms like “social pathology” to his parishioners.

Speaking of social pathologies, he said that if he had run that attack ad, he would have felt like he needed to take a shower, and then I swear said something about wanting to give Romney a shower.

He explained that his “Fair Tax” would be applied to drug deals and prostitution, thus ending the black economy overnight.

Well, that’s what he said.

I guess he can not only put a name and face to every social pathology, but also a sales tax of 23%.

Love at first sight:

Caption contest: Why is this man grimacing?

Reuters caption: “U.S. President George W. Bush (R) grimaces while stepping off the Marine One helicopter as he and first lady Laura Bush (2nd R) return from a holiday visit in Texas to the White House in Washington, January 1, 2008.”

Wherein is revealed the primary agent of peace

The pope says recognizing non-“traditional” families will lead to war. “The family is the primary agent of peace,” he said. And haven’t they done a great job so far? Really, thousands of years of patriarchal heterosexual families = thousands of years of peace and harmony. The family, he said, is “the first and irreplaceable educator of peace.” Dude, have you ever actually met a family?