Dance, Chimpy, dance!

Today Bush attended a NAFTA summit in New Orleans. First he met with Mexican President Calderon.


IN OTHER WORDS: “One, you inherited the high demand for drugs in the United States. In other words, people are using drugs, and therefore people are supplying drugs, and it’s caused difficult security problems in your country, and you’ve responded aggressively.”



Speaking of how people are using drugs, later in the day, Bush did one of his little dances again.





I don’t have video yet, but here’s a place-holder.

Condirony

From an AP story on a surprise visit by Condi Rice to Iraq:

Quote 1:

“I know he’s sitting in Iran,” Rice said dismissively, when asked about al-Sadr’s latest threat to lift a self-imposed cease-fire with government and U.S. forces. “I guess it’s all-out war for anybody but him,” Rice said. “I guess that’s the message; his followers can go to their deaths and he’s in Iran.”

Quote 2:

Rice’s brief heavily guarded visit was not announced in advance in keeping with security precautions adopted by all top U.S. officials

Secretary of State Rice bravely risks mustache burn from Iraqi President Talabani

Bush, Lee and “some good American beef,” if you know what I mean

Headline of the day (BBC), and a second award for Mad Scientists of the Day: “Flies Get ‘Mind-control Sex Swap.’”

New South Korean President Lee Myung-Bak is meeting with Bush at Camp David this weekend.


Once again, he engages in diplomatic artery-clogging: “As a matter of fact, we had some good American beef last night for dinner.”


INTERNATIONAL CLIMATE: “And then finally we talked about our mutual desire to have a rational, practical approach to international climate, the international climate issue, global warming. How can you possibly have an international agreement that’s effective unless countries like China and India are not [sic] full participants.” How indeed?


SHORTEST “IN OTHER WORDS” EVER: “Look, we’re going to make a judgment as to whether North Korea has met its obligations to account for its nuclear program and activities, as well as meet its obligations to disable its reactor. In other words, we’ll see.”


THE AMAZING, DEATH-DEFYING, TRIPLE “WHETHER OR NOT”: “And so we’ll wait and see what he says, and then we’ll make a decision about our obligations, depending upon whether or not we’re convinced that there is a solid and full declaration, and whether or not there’s a way to verify whether or not he’s going to do what he says he’s going to do.”


As always, you can offer captions for any of the photos, but do try to refrain from Asian driver jokes.

Focused on helping the hungry and diseased in strange parts of the world

The McCain McCampaign’s latest email features a quote from a Hamas official praising Obama. McCain’s deputy campaign manager Christian Ferry (!) writes, “We need change in America, but not the kind of change that wins kind words from Hamas, surrenders in Iraq and will hold unconditional talks with Iranian President Ahmadinejad.”

Speaking of Christian ferries, Bush spoke this morning to the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast, with the pope in attendance, because the pope never misses free waffles. “And I want to thank Bishop Finn, members of the clergy. Thank you for serving our country. Thank you for being men of faith.” Er, you’re welcome?


Speaking of men of faith, Chief Justice John Roberts was there, just two days after issuing the decision upholding lethal injection. Possibly the pope had some words for him (and the other four Catholic justices who voted with him). Or possibly not.

Bush praised Pope Benny yet again: “He understands that every person has value, or to use his words, ‘each of us is willed, each of us is loved, [and] each of us is necessary.’” Of course the pope probably said that before meeting Bush.


THOSE “PEOPLE” TALK TO GEORGE AGAIN: “Oftentimes people ask me, why is it that you’re so focused on helping the hungry and diseased in strange parts of the world?”

WONDERS GEORGE HAS SEEN: “During these -- as President I’ve seen some of the great wonders of compassion as a result of our Catholic citizens.” “I’ve seen these wonders of Catholic love on the Gulf Coast.” “I’ve seen wonders on the Sea of Galilee”. “I’ve seen these wonders in Africa”. Also Wonder Bread. And Wonderbras, I hasten to add before someone puts it in comments.


Later in the day he spoke at America’s Small Business Summit (is it the summit or the business that is small? Who knows?)

Just as he thanked the Catholic clergy for being men of faith, so he thanked the small business summiteers “for being dreamers and doers.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “And so, thanks to the stimulus package, she told me she’s going to purchase much of that equipment this year, instead of spacing it out over time. In other words, the incentives have encouraged Darlene to make a purchase this year.”

WHAT DARLENE HAD, TWICE: “She also had a pretty good achievement at -- and she received another good achievement, I understand.”

ONE THING CONGRESS HAS GOT TO UNDERSTAND / WHAT SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS DON’T NEED: “And one way that -- I mean, one thing Congress has got to understand is that there is -- what small business owners don’t need is uncertainty.”

HE’S CONFIDENT IN OUR FORGETFULNESS: “I’m also confident a lot of people in America may have forgotten what it was like before the tax relief.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there’s an opportunity for Congress to say, let’s continue to have this kind of economic vitality as a result of exports permeate throughout our economy.” Those are other words, all right.

WHAT CONGRESS IS SIGNALING TO A WATCHING HEMISPHERE: On the failure to vote on the Colombian free-trade treaty: “Congress is signaling to a watching hemisphere -- people in the hemisphere, our own neighborhood, are watching to see how the United States Congress reacts to our friends.”

WHAT WE WANT PEOPLE OWNING: “We want people owning their home -- we want people owning a businesses [sic]”.

WHAT ALL HAPPENS LIKE AT A KITCHEN TABLE: “I love meeting with our entrepreneurs and I love hearing the stories about how businesses get started. And a lot of times, believe it or not, there is -- as I’m sure you know, that they all happen like at a kitchen table. And sure enough, out of that simple idea and hard work -- because I understand as well as anybody how hard it is to build a small business...” having destroyed several of them “...and it’s not -- it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort and a lot of focus and patient spouses, and sometimes spouses actually watching the money to make sure the other spouse doesn’t blow it.” Or snort it, in your case.


WHAT THE ROLE OF GOVERNMENT IS TO NEVER DO: “And our -- the role of government is to never stifle that spirit, is to encourage the spirit, reward the spirit, and always pay -- and always remind our citizens that we are a vibrant and prosperous and hopeful nation, because we are a land blessed with vibrant and hopeful people.”

Bush, Brown and a “nice hamburger”

Today Bush met with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown for what one of them – I’ll let you guess which one – described as “a fabulous conversation.”


How fabulous? “We spent time talking about the terrorists and extremists.”

HE WANTS TO APPRECIATE: “I want to appreciate the sacrifice of the British troops, their families and the British people.”

FIRED UNDER COURAGE: “Most thankful for the brilliance of the British helicopter crews that fired under courage and helped evacuate wounded Iraqi soldiers.”

THE MEASURE OF SUCCESS IS SUCCESS: “And so, so long as I’m the President, my measure of success is victory and success.”


IRONY ALERT! IRONY ALERT! HEAVY IRONY AHEAD! “We talked about Zimbabwe. And I appreciate Gordon Brown’s strong position on that issue. And I appreciate the fact that he went to the United Nations and made it abundantly clear that which I feel, as well, which is, you can’t have elections unless you’re willing to put the results out. What kind of election is it if you not let the will of the people be known?” Floridian?

Asked if the relationship between his ass and Brown’s lips wasn’t as close as the relationship between his ass and Tony Blair’s lips, Bush said, “We got a great relationship. ... Look, if there wasn’t a personal relationship I wouldn’t be inviting the man to a nice hamburger.” A “nice hamburger”? Metaphor? Euphemism? You be the judge.

Baze v. Rees: preserving the “dignity” of executions

The Supreme Court has ensured a steep rise in the number of executions by ruling yesterday in Baze v. Rees that lethal injection, as practiced in Kentucky, isn’t unconstitutional just because it causes pain (as well as, you know, death). Roberts wrote that since any method of execution probably involves pain, and since the death penalty is constitutional, inflicting pain must be constitutional. He would not even say that “severe pain” is unconstitutional, unless a “readily implemented” alternative existed that greatly reduces that pain. In other words,

1) Roberts and the Court won’t let a little thing like severe pain get in the way of the machinery of death. It’s a matter of priorities, people.

2) Indeed, as the phrase “readily implemented” shows, if it’s a choice between inflicting severe pain on a prisoner and putting the state to some inconvenience, they’ll go with the former. Close enough for government work, as they say in the execution biz.

3) Prisoners objecting to a particular method of execution will be put in the grotesque position of being required to propose a method for the state to put them to death that they’d like better.

Roberts wrote that the risk of a screw-up in the administration of the drugs which results in severe pain or suffocation is not “objectively intolerable,” which is surely an oxymoron, but anyway, Roberts finds, this infliction of pain is in fact “widely tolerated,” so that’s okay then.

Speaking of tolerating pain, Clarence Thomas (joined by Scalia) adds that inflicting pain only violates the 8th Amendment if it is done just in order to inflict pain, as opposed to being incidental to execution. It’s the intent that matters, not the actual, you know, pain.

The petitioner asked for the paralyzing agent pancuronium bromide to be omitted from the execution procedure, since it serves no purpose beneficial to the prisoner but may disguise signs of pain. Roberts approvingly cited the lower court’s finding that it did serve the purpose of preventing seizures in the unconscious prisoner, “thereby preserving the procedure’s dignity”. Gotta preserve that.

We can always find the work of the Almighty in our state

This morning at the White House Bush met with children who had been awarded the President’s Environmental Youth Awards. They flew in from all over the country...

Bush explained conservation to them: “One way to dedicate ourselves to conservation is to take that which is already in existence and make it better.”

And he made with the God talk, which is especially annoying when he does it in front of children: “I appreciate the fact that you know that we live in a country of unbelievable splendor and beauty, and no matter which state we call home, we can always find the work of the Almighty in our state.” Except Alabama, of course.

Democratic debate: The bitter, bitter debate

Transcript.

One more debate after we were promised we were done with debates. I don’t know about the poor people in Pennsylvania, but I’m sure feeling bitter right about now.

Hillary notes that they are debating in Philadelphia where the founding documents of America were written – the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the recipe for cream cheese. But “Neither of us were included in those original documents.” However, John McCain was included in those original documents. By name.

Neither of them will commit to a “Dream Ticket.”


Obama is bitter about having to explain again why he said people are bitter. Although the word he is using now for voters’ feelings is “frustration.”

Hillary defended people clinging to religion and “their traditions, like hunting and guns”.

Speaking of clinging to religion, they then talked interminably about Rev. Wright yet again. Little George Stephanopoulos asked Obama a couple of times if Wright is as patriotic as he is. Hillary said the whole Wright thing “deserves further exploration.” Oh yes, we so needed to have another debate.

Then it’s another re-airing of the Bosnia story. Hillary says she’s embarrassed about, you know, lying, but that it was “a very dangerous area” and the American soldiers in Bosnia “were totally in battle gear.”


Then someone on tape asks Obama why he doesn’t wear a flag pin: “I want to know if you believe in the American flag.” Charlie Gibson adds that not wearing one is a “major liability” for him (according to Clinton and McCain’s advisers). Then Little George asked about some English professor Obama has met who used to be in the Weather Underground. Hillary chimed in with some concern trolling, saying “this is an issue that certainly the Republicans will be raising.” Obama responded that Bill Clinton pardoned a couple of Weather Undergroundlings, so there.


Gibson asks both candidates how they can possibly withdraw from Iraq when Petraeus says they shouldn’t; “Are you essentially saying, ‘I know better than the military commanders here’?” Hillary pretends that the only problem in Iraq is that the Maliki government “will not accept responsibility for its own future” as long as the US is giving it a blank check. Obama reminds Gibson that the president is actually above Col. Combover in the chain of command. He says that the military has had a “bad mission” but has performed that bad mission “brilliantly.”

Would they extend the nuclear umbrella over Israel? Obama: an attack on Israel would be “unacceptable.” Hillary: let’s extend the “umbrella of deterrence” to the entire region! She would “begin diplomatic engagement” with Iran by not talking with its president, ever. “But I would have a diplomatic process that would engage him.”


Stephanopoulous: “Let me turn to the economy. That is the number one issue on Americans’ minds right now.” Which must be why he’s getting to it a full half an hour after the exhaustive discussion of the flag lapel pin issue.

I’m going to be hypocritical here and skip the boring economic stuff myself. They would both raise taxes on the rich, and maybe raise the capital gains tax, despite Charlie Gibson’s earnest but completely fallacious insistence that cutting the capital gains tax always increases revenue from it.

What will you do about high gas prices? Hillary: I’d investigate them.


Gibson: This has been “a fascinating debate.” Could not be more wrong.

Wherein is revealed a type of war George Bush actually doesn’t want

Pope Benny says the issue of rampant sexual abuse of children by Catholic clergy was “very badly handled.” You know what else was badly handled? Children’s genitals.

Silvio Berlusconi – and I can’t tell you how disgusted I am with the Italian electorate right now – made fun of Spain’s new prime minister Zapatero for appointing a cabinet with a female majority. He says he couldn’t do that because there just aren’t enough qualified women in Italian politics (although he’s considering giving a cabinet position to a former Miss Italy contestant and lingerie model, so I guess there are qualifications and then there are qualifications), and said, “Now he’s asked for it. He will have problems leading them.”

By the way, the new Spanish defense minister, Carme Chacón, is seven months’ pregnant. That’s oddly cool.

Remember last year when Iran seized 15 British sailors & marines supposedly inside Iraqi territorial waters? Well, according to the London Times, “The Britons were seized because the US-led coalition designated a sea boundary for Iran’s territorial waters” ...wait for it.... “without telling the Iranians where it was”.

Bush gave a speech in the Rose Garden today about global warming, in which one would be hard put to find any proposal to actually do something about global warming, or any sense of urgency. Evidently, “there is a wrong way and a right way to approach reducing greenhouse gas emissions.”


The right way is with, like, technology, nuclear power plants, technology, “clean” coal, and technology. He’s against a “carbon-based global trade war.” Just in case you were wondering. Then the Rose Garden came to life and swallowed him whole, the end.

Here in America you’ll find a nation of prayer

Today Pope Benny went to the White House, where Bush greeted him in Latin with the words “Pax Tecum,” which, freely translated, means “Don’t mess with Texas.”


He told the pope, “Here in America you’ll find a nation of prayer.” Mostly praying that you won’t completely fuck the country up before January 20.


He said, “Each day across the world the United States is working to eradicate disease, alleviate poverty, promote peace and bring the light of hope to places still mired in the darkness of tyranny and despair.” The Oval Office, for example.


He told His Ratziness, “In a world where some treat life as something to be debased and discarded, we need your message that all human life is sacred... that ‘each of us is willed, each of us is loved, and each of us is necessary.’” ...

... Hands up anyone who doesn’t have “Every sperm is sacred” running through their head right now.

I got nuthin

And plenty of it. So it must be CAPTION CONTEST time:

In which George Bush sees God

Bush was interviewed (last week, I think) by EWTN Global Catholic Network about the visit to the US of Pope Benny, who he calls “a really important figure in a lot of ways.” And they’re alike in so many ways (they both have old Hitler Youth uniforms in the back of their closets, for example): “I so subscribe to his notion that there are -- there’s right and wrong in life, that moral relativism has a danger of undermining the capacity to have more hopeful and free societies”.

ASK A STUPID QUESTION:

Q: You read his book on Europe, I’m told.

BUSH: Well, I read parts of it, yes.

Well, looked at the pictures.

SPEAKING CLEARLY: “I’m also, as you know, a believer in the value of human life for the -- whether it’s -- you know, the most vulnerable amongst us. And he speaks clearly to that, as well.” That makes one of you.

WHAT AL QAIDA CAN’T POSSIBLY SAY TO SOMEBODY: No one who’s got a vision as dark and dim as al Qaeda can possibly say to somebody, follow me, my vision is hopeful or positive.”

WHAT INVIGORATES OUR SOUL: “It invigorates our soul to know that we have saved a baby that could be dying of a mosquito bite.”

WHAT HE WILL REMIND THE POPE OF: “And I’m looking forward to talking to His Holy Father, and I will remind him this isn’t a George W. Bush deal; this is America.”

WHAT THIS IS: “There are a lot of innocent men, women and children who are being killed by them, as well. This is their techniques, this is their tactics”.

QUIT IT! “Well, one thing we can do is to keep our troops there long enough to have a civil society emerge, and go after them, and go after these killers, and bring them to justice so they quit killing people, including our own troops, because this is a war.”

HE’S PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO TALKS IN MOVIE THEATERS TOO: “Because I -- you know, I’m going to the Olympics, for starters. And I’ve -- my plans aren’t -- haven’t changed. And the reason why is because I can talk to him about religious freedom prior to the Olympics, during the Olympics and after the Olympics -- which I have done. I don’t need the Olympics to express my position to the Chinese leadership on freedom. I just don’t need them -- because that’s all I have been doing as your President.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “in other words -- if people say, well, you need to express yourself clearly about freedom of religion, my answer is, what do you think I’ve been doing?”

OLD, BUT WITH THE MIND OF A CHILD: “But nobody needs to call old -- tell old George Bush what to -- that he needs to bring religious freedom to the doorstep of the Chinese, because I’ve done that now for -- I’m on my eighth year doing it.”

WHAT IS IN OUR NATIONAL INTERESTS: “I think it’s important for people to understand that a culture of life is in our national interests”.

WHAT ELSE HE WILL REMIND THE POPE OF: “And I’m going to remind His Holy Father how important his voice is in making it easier for politicians like me to be able to kind of stand and defend our positions that are, I think, very important positions to take.”

YOU GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE THERE:

Q: You said, famously, when you looked into Vladimir Putin’s eyes you saw his soul.

BUSH: Yes.

Q: When you look into Benedict XVI’s eyes what do you see?

BUSH: God.

Clinton, Obama and the clingers to religion

Yesterday Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had a non-debate, responding to questions one after the other at a “Compassion Forum,” at some place called Messiah College, which I guess is a trade school for messiahs. McCain didn’t show.

Hillary again accused Obama of “mak[ing] comments that do seem elitist, out of touch and, frankly, patronizing,” even going out of her way to include the information that he made the comments in... gasp... San Francisco. Obama, of course, backpedaled furiously; some of his best friends are God-botherers.


Hillary said that in the past, Gore and Kerry were falsely portrayed as disdainful of the proles, therefore bringing this up is “a legitimate political issue.” That is, because people mischaracterized Gore and Kerry, it’s legitimate for her to mischaracterize Obama. Or something like that.

DOES THE HOLY SPIRIT SHIT IN THE WOODS? “I have had the experiences on many, many occasions where I felt like the holy spirit was there with me as I made a journey. It didn’t have to be a hard time. You know, it could be taking a walk in the woods. It could be watching a sunset.”


Asked if life begins at conception, Obama said he had no idea. Hillary made the completely meaningless statement that “I believe that the potential for life begins at conception.” (Update: I phrased that badly. I meant that she gave an anodyne statement that the most ardent pro-choice or anti-abortion supporter could agree with. The question was designed to get at the philosophy underlying her views on abortion, and she gave them a basic biological fact.)

The questioners represented different religions:

Q: As-Salamu Alaykum, Senator Clinton.

CLINTON: Thank you.

That just strikes me as kind of funny. Just me? Okay.

Asked why God lets the innocent suffer, she said she “can’t wait” to ask him. Yeah, do that and report back to us, wouldja?


On abortion, Obama insisted that there is “common ground.” Just keep thinking that, Barack, and see where it gets you. He said finding that common ground “requires us to acknowledge that there is a moral dimension to abortion.” I presume that means acknowledging that abortion is morally icky and at least a little shameful, which I for one do not intend to “acknowledge.” He said “in this difficult situation it is a woman’s responsibility and choice to make in consultation with her doctor and her pastor and her family.” No, choice is a right which inheres in the woman and the woman alone. She can make it in consultation with a Magic Eight Ball if she wants, that’s what being a right means.

He brought up the fact that he believes in evolution without even being asked.


He also believes that Al Gore won the 2000 election (not that that has anything to do with evolution; quite the reverse, actually). I think he’s said that before, but isn’t it remarkable that the possible next president is willing to say that his predecessor was not legitimately elected? And it’s not even a blip.

Luminescence and tumescence

AP headline: “Luminaries Attend Heston’s Funeral.” Wasn’t it nice of the Burning Bush to come?

Speaking of luminaries, one of the emails in my spam file, offering Cialis for sale, purports to come from an “Englebert Gaylord.” Who would buy Cialis from someone named Englebert Gaylord?

Mutual assured destruction with Ahmadinejad is an incentive

South Africa’s deputy security minister Susan Shabangu at a police conference, on how to deal with criminals: “You must kill the bastards if they threaten you or the community. ... You must not worry about the regulations. That is my responsibility. Your responsibility is to serve and protect. I won’t tolerate any pathetic excuses for you not being able to deal with crime. You have been given guns, now use them. I want no warning shots. You have one shot and it must be a kill shot.”

That was a couple of days ago. She has not been fired.

Cheney, interviewed by Sean Hannity on Fox News [correction: on his radio show], called Ahmadinejad: “a very dangerous man. On the one hand, he has repeatedly stated that he wants to destroy Israel.” No he hasn’t. “He also has -- is a man who believes in the return of the 12th Imam; and that the highest honor that can befall a man is that he should die a martyr in facilitating the return of the 12th Imam. It’s a radical, radical point of view. Bernard Lewis once said, mutual assured destruction in the Soviet-U.S. relationship in the Cold War meant deterrence, but mutual assured destruction with Ahmadinejad is an incentive. You have to be concerned about that.”

He also peddled this Ahmadinejad-as-suicide-bomber nonsense in another interview, so it’s evidently the new scare line.

Yesterday I commented on Bush’s Iraq speech in which he said that 15 months ago we were on the defensive in Iraq that he hadn’t said that at the time. In an interview with ABC today, he said that he lied in order to keep up troop morale: “That’s as much to try and bolster the spirits of the people in the field as well -- you can’t have the commander in chief say to a bunch of kids who are sacrificing that either it’s not worth it or you’re losing. What does that do for morale?” I haven’t seen the interview and the transcript isn’t up yet, so I don’t know if Martha Raddatz followed up, “So how do we know you’re telling the truth now?”

He also said of waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, “We had legal opinions that enabled us to do it.” So that’s okay then.

As for then-Attorney General Ashcroft’s much-quoted remark about the torture meetings, “Why are we talking about this in the White House? History will not judge this kindly,” I trust we’re all clear that he wasn’t morally opposed to the torture, he was opposed to the talking, to leaving a paper trail.

Difficult but not endless

Headline of the day (Guardian): “Gangster’s Notorious Underpants Sell out Fast.”

Headline of the day (AP) (I wrote the previous item last night, so technically this is the headline of the day for today and that one was the headline of the day for yesterday, for those of you playing along at home): “No ‘Lord of the Rings’ for Man at Gitmo.”

This morning Bush gave a speech endorsing every recommendation he told David Petraeus to make.

He explained that things used to be terrible in Iraq and are now wonderful:

Fifteen months ago, America and the Iraqi government were on the defensive; today, we have the initiative.

Funny, I don’t remember him telling us 15 months ago that we were on the defensive.

Fifteen months ago, extremists were sowing sectarian violence; today, many mainstream Sunni and Shia are actively confronting the extremists.

So instead of having one type of sectarian violence, there’s now another type of sectarian violence? Progress, ain’t it grand?

Fifteen months ago, Americans were worried about the prospect of failure in Iraq; today, thanks to the surge, we’ve renewed and revived the prospect of success.

If Americans have stopped worrying about the prospects of failure in Iraq, they haven’t renewed the prospect of success, they’ve renewed their Xanax prescription.


Col. Combover needs to set and think a spell: “General Petraeus says he’ll need time to consolidate his forces and assess how this reduced American presence will affect conditions on the ground before making measured recommendations on further reductions. And I’ve told him he’ll have all the time he needs.” Also, could everybody kind of keep it down? It’s a little hard to assess with all the explosions and shooting and stuff.

“Our nation owes a special thanks to the soldiers and families who’ve supported this extended deployment.” Supported?

He explained that while you may think the Iraq War is really expensive, you are wrong because it’s actually cheap compared to the Cold War: “it is modest -- a modest fraction of our nation’s wealth -- and it pales when compared to the cost of another terrorist attack on our people.” 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! “We should be able to agree that this is a burden worth bearing.” No? Well then, we should be able to agree that kittens are cute.


GEE, I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED? “Iraq is the convergence point for two of the greatest threats to America in this new century -- al Qaeda and Iran.”

If we pull out, “violent extremists around the world would draw the same dangerous lesson that they did from our retreats in Somalia and Vietnam.”

“And while this war is difficult, it is not endless.” The sun’s gotta burn out sooner or later.

Adding some value to Bush’s knowledge

Today Bush signed the Second Chance Act, which is something about rehabilitating former prisoners through the power of Jebus.

IN OTHER WORDS: “The bill I’m signing today, the Second Chance Act of 2007, will build on work to help prisoners reclaim their lives. In other words, it basically says: We’re standing with you, not against you.”

He had a photo op with some people who work with former prisoners, but he couldn’t thank them: “I can’t thank the folks who care enough about a fellow citizen to offer their love and compassion.”

Later, he met Singapore’s Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong.

GOOOOOAAAAL! “And I also am so pleased that the trade agreement that we negotiated during our respective times was kicked in.”

DON’T FEAR THE VOICES: “We spent time on Burma and the need for the military regime there to understand that they shouldn’t fear the voices of people. And yet they do.”

Goh made a Bush-is-so-stupid joke, to general hilarity: “Then the President was interested in developments in Asia, so I was able to add some value to his knowledge -- (laughter) -- on Southeast Asia and on Asia.”

Bush also spent some time this morning searching for Lincoln’s gold.

Significant but uneven

Headline of the day (AP): “Brazil Opens Condom Factory to Protect the Amazon.”

McCain, in an email, accuses Clinton and Obama of calling for a “pre-emptive withdrawal” from Iraq. A pre-what-ive what now? He calls on them to “move beyond empty and destructive rhetoric”. Can rhetoric be both empty and destructive?

Speaking of empty and destructive, David Petraeus testified before Congress today. He says there has been “significant but uneven” progress in Iraq. Or possibly significantly uneven progress. Or unevenly significant progress.


There were protesters and everything.


Today Bush awarded a Medal of Honor to a dead Navy Seal (or as the Pentagon website puts it, a “fallen SEAL”) (Ew, the site just refreshed, with a picture of Bush crying). Bush let tears roll down his cheek without wiping them away until every photographer in the room got the shot.

Surge of sadness

Then he met with some visiting Afghan provincial governors. “I started off the meeting by telling them I was a governor once.” Then the governors told him how they were once warlords/drug barons/CIA assets/mujahadeen/all of the above.

They came with their own concerns: “Some provinces are quiet, and the governor wondered whether or not, because it’s quiet, people remember the people in the province exist.” Guys, most days Americans don’t remember that the people in Afghanistan exist.

BEING ABLE TO SEE: “And I shared with them our desire to help them succeed, because one of the things that really matters in democracy is that local governance is strong and good and honest, that the people are being able to see the benefits of democracy.”

Holy rogue’s gallery, Batman!

Adam suggests in a comment on yesterday’s post that Laura Bush looks like The Joker from Batman.


Dick Cheney is of course The Penguin (one could also make the case for his being Mr. Freeze). Which I guess makes Condi The Catwoman. But who’s The Riddler? John Yoo?

CONTEST: match Bat-villains with Bush administration members, past or present. Give reasons if necessary. (That Wikipedia entry has a note on top saying “The neutrality of this article is disputed.” The mind boggles.)

We got a meat packer

Today Bush met with some small business owners. “We got a meat packer, an apple processor, we’ve got a grinder, a large equipment manufacturer, education man.” Worst. Porno. Ever.

They’re all making investments, thanks to the stimulus package. “And that’s important, because in times of economic uncertainty, we want people making investment, so when a person buys an apple press, somebody is going to have to manufacture that press. When somebody manufactures that press, it means there’s more likely to be work and income.” And sweet refreshing apple cider! Hooray! George has an MBA, you know.

Bush also made another little speech in favor of the free-trade treaty with Colombia. He says that Uribe has addressed every issue raised by American congresscritters: “He’s addressed violence by demobilizing tens of thousands of paramilitary figures and fighters.” That is, he granted amnesty to right-wing death squads. “He’s addressed attacks on trade unionists by stepping up funding for prosecutions, establishing an independent prosecutors unit, and creating a special program that protects labor activists.” Of course to prosecute, you actually have to catch the killers, which never ever happens in Colombia (11 trade unionists were murdered last month, 700 since 2001). “If this isn’t enough to earn America’s support, what is?” Oh, what indeed?

No speech about Colombia is complete without a few swipes at Hugo Chavez. “Colombia also faces a hostile and anti-American regime in Venezuela which has met with FARC terrorist leaders [at Uribe’s request, Bush doesn’t mention], and deployed troops to the Colombian border as a means of intimidating the Colombian government and its people.” That would be right after Colombia assassinated a FARC leader inside Ecuador.

The Bush-Putin summit: We spent a lot of time in our relationship trying to get rid of the Cold War

Bush and Putin have spent the weekend together. And while Vlad was clearly psyched about it,


and Laura was clearly on psychotropic drugs about it,


it’s unclear that much was accomplished, although Bush talked as if some sort of major breakthrough – he used the word – had occurred on the subject of missile defense, although Putin said “Our fundamental attitude to the American plans have not changed.” (The translator is taking his or her grammar hints from Bush.)

There was talk about creating “confidence-building and transparency” around the program, which Bush seems to think will result in Russian acquiescence, which obviously won’t ever happen, especially since the sort of confidence-building and transparency Russia is asking for is the stationing of Russian military personnel at the sites in the Czech Republic and Poland on a permanent basis, which is an obvious non-starter in those countries, which have already rejected the idea out of hand. But Bush thinks he can convince them to disregard decades (the Czech Republic) or centuries (Poland) of history: “[I]t’s important for the leaders in those countries -- and I’ve discussed the issue with them -- to understand that Russia is not an enemy, Russia is somebody with whom we need to work.”


Still, Bush says that his proposals “will be important and useful in ensuring [sic]* Russia concerns.” The asterisk leads to a note from the transcriber that Bush really meant to say “assuaging.” Sure he did.

HAVE YOU TRIED PUTTING IT ON E-BAY? “We spent a lot of time in our relationship trying to get rid of the Cold War. It’s over. It ended.”


WHAT RUSSIA HAVE: “The United States has suffered terrorist attacks on its soil, as have Russia.”

BUSH REMEMBERS FULL WELL: “And I will tell you, there’s been no firmer person in the world who understands the threat of radicalism, and the capacity of these radicals and extremists to murder the innocent people. I remember full well when that happened on your soil.” You know, that thing. That happened. On the soil.

WHAT THE LAST BUSH-PUTIN SUMMIT PROVES: “It’s a moment where it just proves life moves on.”


WHAT YOU HAVE A LOT OF TIMES IN POLITICS: “A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what’s not on their mind.”

He also met Puppet-President-Elect Medvedev, who evidently passed the Stanford-Binet-Chimpy test: “And so my first impressions are very positive -- smart fellow.”