Uncle Chimpy doesn’t want you?

Bush went to a school to talk about No Child Left Behind yesterday, and something he said struck me: “I oftentimes say to people that are asking me about -- do you have any recommendations for what I should be doing, and my answer is, teach.” Given how many times he says that being in the US military is the “highest calling,” isn’t it funny that he never seems to encourage people to pick that as a career option?

Kazakhstan, in the middle of its campaign to prove that it is not as backward as the Borat movie might suggest, just issued new bank notes with the word “bank” misspelled.

Cute WaPo headline: “Moderates in Kansas Decide They’re Not in GOP Anymore.”

I have no idea who she’s talking about

Asked whether North Korea will test another nuclear weapon, Rummy Rumsfeld brings his customary clarity, to the enlightenment of us all: “We’ve seen them do things in multiples rather than singles... There is speculation that they might want to do something additional. There’s also speculation they may not.”

George Bush issued a statement celebrating the birth of the US’s estimated 300 millionth person: “Our continued growth is a testament to our country’s dynamism”. Is that what they’re calling it these days?

From part 2 of Bush’s interview by (shudder) Bill O’Reilly:

O’REILLY: Let me to read you what Hillary Clinton... said about this bill that you voted against, this detain decree bill you’re signing today: “If enacted, this law would give license to this administration to pick people up off the streets of the United States and hold them indefinitely without charges and without legal recourse.”

BUSH: You mean pick the enemy up off the streets?

O’REILLY: She says people — “pick people up off the streets.”

BUSH: I don’t know who she’s talking about. But this law will enable us to find people who would like to kill Americans. Al Qaeda, Al Qaeda affiliates and be able to find out their plans and be able — more protect this country. I have no idea who she’s talking about.

Illogical

Bush was interviewed a couple of days ago by (shudder) Bill O’Reilly.

O’REILLY: Sixty percent of Americans are now against the Iraq War. Why?

BUSH: Because they want us to win. They believe - they are wondering whether or not we have the plans in place to win. They want to know whether or not we have the flexibility on the ground to constantly meet the enemy.

...

O’REILLY: Is one of the reasons they’ve turned against the war in Iraq is that the anti-Bush press pounds day in and day out in newspapers, on the network news, in books like Bob Woodward’s, that you don’t know what you’re doing there. You have no have a strategy. You don’t listen to dissent. You’ve got this thing in your mind and you’re stubborn and you just can’t win it.

BUSH: Well, I’m disappointed that people would propagandize to that effect because the stakes are too high for that kind of illogical behavior.

So to summarize, Americans oppose the war because they want to win the war, and it’s illogical to... oh, I give up, what it’s illogical to do is tug on Superman’s cape, spit into the wind, or try to make fun of a man who is already as absurd as it is possible for a human being to be.

A mark of separation

Saddam Hussein accuses the prosecutors in his trial of dividing Iraqis by giving evidence of his repression of the Kurds, and selflessly offers to give up being tried. For the children. For the children.

Speaking of children, everyone should lay off Madonna. That’s her African baby, she’s got a receipt and everything.

Tony Blair has weighed into the British discussion of whether Muslim women should wear the veil. Any feminist substance in this debate was sidelined pretty early on, perhaps because of the paradox of trying to claim that Jack Straw was just trying to protect Muslim women from being told what to wear by men when he, a man, was telling them to take their veils off, but more likely because British politicians and pundits don’t really care about the women as individuals but as symbols of Muslim Otherness.

Blair said that the veil is a “mark of separation, and that is why it makes other people from outside the community feel uncomfortable.” Clearly, then, they should take their lead from Tony Blur himself, who has never quite admitted to being a Catholic because it would have been bad for his political career, and who changes his accent according to what audience he’s addressing. He says there is a need for British Muslims to get “the balance right between integration and multi-culturalism,” which may be more or less true as a general principle, but becomes coercive and intolerant when expressed as a command by the prime minister. As for the notion that bigots people outside a community who feel uncomfortable should have some sort of a veto over the appearance of members of that community, that’s a shameful argument to still be hearing (in the nineteenth century, this logic was used to ban Salvation Army processions, which often came under attack from hooligans, until Beatty v. Gillbanks [1882] overturned that logic of the mob veto and said that peaceful activities could not be banned simply because other people reacted to them violently; the point of my historical digression is that Blair’s line of argument was considered and rejected as being unfair to people peacefully practicing their religions by those epitomes of tolerance, the freaking Victorians) (and the Sally Army had those great big drums, which is surely a lot more annoying than the inability to see a woman’s hair). (Update: just as I was ready to post, I saw Blair’s press conference on C-SPAN. He didn’t just say that the Muslims need to get the balance right, etc, he said “people” meaning non-Muslims “need to know that” British Muslims are getting the balance right. So the judgment of what the right balance is, how much Muslim-ness Muslims are allowed to express, is to be made not by the Muslims but by everyone else.)


While Blair is whittering on about getting the balance right between integration and multi-culturalism, the Rev. Ian Paisley may become prime minister of Northern Ireland next month, although maybe not because he just stormed out of talks in an attempt to force Sinn Féiners to swear an oath supporting not just the law, but the Northern Irish police (whose current name I forget, but were provocatively entitled the Royal Ulster Constabulary until a couple of years ago) (No wait, I remember there was a plan to call them the Northern Irish Police Service, then someone realized what the acronym would be...)

Blair also said that British military forces would not “walk away” from Iraq or Afghanistan. I should hope not; that would be quite a long walk.

Calling evil by its name

Today Bush signed the Torture Bill. He said this: “This nation will call evil by its name.” He also said this: “I want to thank the Vice President for joining me today.”


Just sayin’.

We have to use drones

Bush held an Iftaar dinner at the White House, which I’m sure was in no way awkward. Some of the guests were Muslim paramedics and members of the NYPD who were at the Twin Towers. He told them, “All of you bring credit to your faith,” which I’m sure they did not see as being in any way condescending.

This is Bush bowing his head during the prayer...


delivered by this man, Imam Talal Eid.


We can all be grateful that Bush resisted the temptation to grab the hat off his head and try it on.


The population of the United States will reach 300 million Tuesday morning. Could everyone scootch over a bit? Thank you.

I haven’t seen the Connecticut senatorial debate, but I gather the Republican tried to distinguish himself by attacking illegal immigration. “We have to use drones,” he said. At which point Lieberman said, “Hey, I resent that!”

Lieberman droned that Lamont’s “finger-pointing... is the last thing Washington needs more of,” adding, “There’s too much personal hatred.” He did not say how much personal hatred was the optimal amount. No one ever does, and I’d really like to know.

Militias should reconsider their existence

Secretary of War Rumsfeld calls the Iraq war “winnable and doable,” adding, “Yeah, I’d totally do Iraq.”

Bush phoned Iraqi PM Maliki to assure him that there will be no “timetables,” that no matter how big a failure Maliki is, and however long he’s a big failure, the US will continue to back him. To prove this continuing support, the White House released this picture of Bush talking to Maliki on the telephone.


Maliki, so inspired by the idea that timetables for US troop withdrawals are a Bad Thing, has decided not to set any timetables for the disbanding of death squads and militias: “Regarding setting a time, I don’t think we could determine it specifically. The problem of militias, in countries throughout the world, requires time. The most important thing is that we have started and started strong. We have given a clear message: Militias should reconsider their existence.” So maybe the end of this year, he tells USA Today, maybe early next year, you know, whatever. “The problem that we face in disbanding militias — and the militias have to be disbanded — is that there are procedures, steps that need to taken, which take time.” Procedures. So people will continue to be blown up, beheaded, tortured with electric drills, etc, because of red tape. That darned paper work, it’ll get ya every time.

But Maliki said those procedures are just humming along. A week ago, for example, he “formed a committee to work on disbanding militias”.

It’s also a question of PR: “During the period of time required for this approach, our security forces become stronger and the crimes committed by militias become clearer and clearer to everyone. Then, when we confront the militias, there will be no negative reaction to confronting them, especially from the people.”

So anyway, that’s the guy Bush called today to tell we still support him.

Fully inform voters

More fun with the California voter pamphlet: candidate statements.

These statements cost the candidates $20 per word, which we know from the statement of the Green Party candidate for insurance commissioner, who spent $20 per word to complain about having to spend $20 per word: “Candidate statements, once free, now cost $20 per word. Fight pay-to-play government—Vote Green.” Is pay-to-play $20 or $60? The Green running for treasurer (who actually has a fairly lengthy statement), says “Corporate money should not buy political influence, so I don’t take contributions from big business!” I’m sure they were lined up around the block, too.

While that $20 per word cost scared off some of the poorer campaigns, like that of Arnold Schwarzenegger, it produced a commendable pithiness from the Peace and Freedom candidate for controller: “Raise taxes on the rich; lower taxes on workers.” In others, it just produced irony. Here is the complete statement of the Libertarian candidate for secretary of state: “Fully inform voters.” Some candidates just direct you elsewhere: the Greens’ controller candidate asks, “For details of why I have hope, please see my website...”

The P & F candidate for governor suggests “VOTE YOUR CONSCIENCE! NOT YOUR FEAR!” Um, okay. The Libertarian candidate for lieut. governor wants us to vote for conscientious objector status in the war on drugs, running on a Marijuana Peace Plan platform (“Please join with me and Willie Nelson to help save family farms with industrial hemp”). Last time around the Libby candidate for this post ran on a platform of legalizing the ownership of ferrets.

The Green candidate for Lite Gov tells us “Don’t be fuelish” – and instantly lost any chance I’d vote for her.

The Democratic candidate for secretary of state isn’t bad, and states that “California must never be like Florida or Ohio,” which is true for just so many reasons, but I think voting rights would be better protected by someone from a smaller party. Unfortunately, the P & F candidate, while calling for new technology to improve voter turnout rather than give us insecure and faulty voting systems, has her email account at Hotmail. And the Green Party’s aptly named Forrest Hill explains, “I am a Financial Advisor with a Ph.D. from MIT in Marine Biology. I have the qualifications to fix our system and bring Free and Fair elections to California.” Only if global warming continues and we’re all voting underwater.

The Green candidate for attorney general tells us, “Most Californians prefer life imprisonment without parole to the death penalty.” Er, personally, I don’t think I’d particularly enjoy either one.

Fortunately, if the two-party system too often seems like a choice between lethal injection and life imprisonment without parole, we do have other options. So read their statements to be fully informed, check their websites to find out why they have hope, vote your conscience not your fear, join Willie Nelson, don’t be fuelish, and make sure that California is never ever like Florida or Ohio.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear

GeeDubya spoke about North Korea in his weekly radio address, using his current favorite word “clear” three times in as many minutes: “The logic behind this approach is clear”, “we will send a clear message to the North Korean regime”, “Our goals remain clear”. For an easily confused man, clarity (some might say over-simplifying) is a virtue even in a completely impotent policy.

The US accidentally paid for 328 men in Swaziland to be circumcised. Yes, you could click here for more details, but honestly, isn’t “The US accidentally paid for 328 men in Swaziland to be circumcised” already a kind of perfect news story?

A presidential candidate in Catalonia, Albert Rivera, has appeared naked in a poster (and believe me, I tried hard to find a Homage to Catalonia pun, but failed). The caption (which is about overcoming the divisive Catalan politics of identity through the power of public nudity, or something): “We don’t care where you were born. We don’t care which language you speak. We don’t care what kind of clothes you wear. We care about you.”


Speaking of caring about you, it’s time for some more personal ads from the London Review of Books (LRB):

I suppose the end began with me paying for the meal and all the drinks. The brief relationship was practically over by the time he told me that he hadn’t brought cash with him and could I pay for the taxi? The formal departure, however, came with his attempt to push his debit card into my mouth and tap out his pin number on my forehead after I’d asked simply ‘do you think I’m an ATM?’ (You know who you are). LRB-reading men – either you have small change always about your person or it’s long walk home back from beautiful and, until last Friday week, reasonably tolerant of even the most stupid of men F (London, 43). Box no. 18/03

This advert originally contained a 300-word paragraph about cats but I edited it out. Woman, 36. Box no. 18/04

Stare at the back of your hand for 30 seconds. Now stare at this advert for 15 seconds while squinting your eyes. Now fully open your eyes and stare at the back of your hand for another 30 seconds. And again at your hand. Now stare at your mother. Back of your hand. Advert. Hand. Advert. Mother. Mother. Hand. Mother. Wall. Feet. Now wipe the tears away. Back at the hand. Advert. Hand. Mother. Man, 43. Hand. Advert. Mother. Hand. Hand. Hand. Box no. 18/07. Mother.

My winning streak in this column is about to come to an abrupt halt with the placing of this ad. Man. 38. Box no. 19/06

I composed this advert on the anniversary of the first performance of Das Rheingold for a very good reason. Man, 59. Box no. 19/08

I got it bad and that ain’t good. Amateur jazz singer (F, 54) seeks glockenspielist/gynocologist for nights of atonal ramblings through both my medicine cabinet and your prescription pad. No crazies. Box no. 20/05

Consult the spirits to measure our compatibility:
YES NO
ABCDEFGHIJKLM
NOPQRSTUVWXYZ
Goodbye Box no. 20/09

At first I was sceptical about writing this ad but slowly the idea won me over. Box no. 20/10

[More of my LRB favorites here.]

Caption contest:

It’s a small, um, ahem, *cough* after all

George Bush has declared Oct. 15-21 National Character Counts Week. Nope, I can’t think of a single solitary snarky thing to say about that.

Carl Truscott, director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms 2004-6, abused agency resources by, among other things, ordering 20 employees to help his nephew make a documentary about the ATF for a high school project. The nephew received an A, so your tax dollars weren’t completely wasted.

The US will pump up to $42m into Palestinian politics, three times as much as was spent by all the main parties in January’s elections, to build up an opposition to Hamas and, according to an official document, “create democratic alternatives to authoritarian or radical Islamist political options”. I don’t know what sort of “alternatives” can be “created” by a foreign nation’s secret funding, but they can’t be deemed “democratic” by any reasonable definition of the word.

Speaking of America exporting its ideology, employees at EuroDisney in France filmed themselves simulating sex while in costume (Goofy and Minnie got it on, evidently). Sadly, Disney forced YouTube to take down the video, so I haven’t seen it, and shall feel for the rest of my life that I have missed out on something glorious.

Up close

Bush appeared with Hastert (“I have worked with him up close”) at a fundraiser for a couple of Congressional candidates in Illinois. Nothing new in the stump speech – and dear god, I thought Koizumi’s retirement would make Bush stop talking about their trip to Graceland in every single speech. I would like to point out, if I haven’t already, that he keeps telling people to treat everything the D’s say about, f’rinstance, taxes as a barefaced lie and everything Al Qaida says about Iraq being a central front and establishing a caliphate and so on as unvarnished truth. Anyway, to summarize: calling of our time, they’ll raise your taxes, frivolous lawsuits, we are a nation at war, Japanese-style democracy, blah fucking blah... but a creepy picture is worth a thousand words:




Been meaning to mention the incident where Chinese troops shot at Tibetan refugees trying to escape into Nepal, killing several and taking the children captive. Actually, I thought there would be so much discussion that anything I said would be redundant, but in fact there’s been very little, despite the whole thing having been witnessed by a bunch of Western mountain-climbers. More details are in the several posts on this at the Baltimore Group,
http://www.baltimoregroupblog.com/
including a (distant) picture of a young (17 or mid-20s, depending on the report) nun who the London Times
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-2401899,00.html
says China has now admitted having killed, “but said the soldiers acted in self defence.”

Muslims make a practice of killing Iraqi citizens who are Muslim

Bush went to a renewable energy conference today. I believe there was a coronation ceremony.


He explained with his accustomed eloquence the importance of reducing reliance on oil: “we get oil from some countries who don’t particularly care for us. They don’t like what we stand for. They don’t like it when we say, for the sake of peace, let us work in a way that we don’t develop nuclear weapons, for example.” “We”?

Bush failed to mention conservation or public transportation, indeed suggested that technology alone will solve all our energy problems, and came out in favor of every possible form of energy production: hybrids, coal, nuclear plants (“You might remember, we’ve had a time in our country where people liked nuclear power, thought it was a strong solution to energy independence, and then we just shut her down because of engineering concerns”), off-shore oil drilling, solar, wind, ethanol, hydrogen, liquefied natural gas...

A protester made it into the conference, to tell Bush that “Soldiers are not renewables!”

Yesterday Rumsfeld held a briefing along with Gen. George Casey, whose title is Commander of Multi-National Force – Iraq, or COMFI, as in, “Are you comfy? Good, because you’ll be stuck in Iraq at least through 2010.” Casey said that “violence and progress coexist in Iraq, and we shouldn’t be distracted from the positive things that are going on there amidst all the violence.” “Distracted,” he calls it. Also, how do violence and progress coexist? It can’t be peaceful coexistence, so it must be either violent coexistence or progressive coexistence. Or progressively violent coexistence.

Actually, General COMFI says that “we and the Iraqi government are not comfortable with the levels of sectarian violence in the center of the country”. He didn’t say what level of sectarian violence he would be comfortable with.

Gen. COMFI says that the bad reputation of the police in Iraq is “undeserved,” and says there is a reform program now, which will give each police brigade “three weeks of police training and loyalty training.” That’s what they were missing: loyalty training.

Gen. COMFI disputed the Lancet estimate of 655,000 dead Iraqis, which he doesn’t “give that much credibility at all.” What figure does he give credibility? 50,000. Where did he see this credible figure? “I don’t remember, but I’ve seen it over time. ... It’s either from the Iraqi government or from us, but I don’t remember precisely.” Well, I’m convinced.

At this point Rummy interjected to clarify, as only Rummy can clarify: “I think it’s important to appreciate that the insurgents and al Qaeda make a -- Muslims make a practice of killing Iraqi citizens who are Muslim. And it is a -- they do it aggressively, they do it purposely, and they do it successfully.”

Give me your tired, your poor, your chubby masses...

The AP reports that a group of Mexicans trying to reach the United States via storm drains were caught when one man got stuck. Too fat to make it to America? That guy is already such an American.

Stephen Colbert’s sage advice to the parties.

Bush press conference: I stand by the figure a lot of innocent people have lost their life

Bush held a press conference this morning.


The problem with North Korea is that it also has a Decider: “And my point to you is that it’s the intransigence of the North Korean leader that speaks volumes about the process. It is his unwillingness to choose a way forward for this country -- a better way forward for his country. It is his decisions.”

But Bush is responding with strong, aggressive... phone calls: “And I thank the leaders of -- listen, when I call them on the phone, we’re strategizing.” “And so in my phone calls that I recently made right after the test I lamented the fact that he had tested to Hu Jintao and also lamented the fact that Hu Jintao had publicly asked him not to test.” Er, what?

And more phone calls: “I talked to the South Korean president, and I said, It ought to be clear to us now that we must continue to work together to make it abundantly clear to the leader in North Korea that there’s a better way forward; when he walks away from agreement he’s not just walking away from the table with the United States as the only participant. He’s walking away from a table that others are sitting at.” Maybe he just had to pee.


On Iraq: “There are extreme elements that use religion to achieve objectives.”

For weeks he’s been talking about “achieving objectives” constantly. 10 times in this press conference alone. Another: “And one way to make sure that we’re able to achieve our objective is to have other people join us in making it clear to North Korea that they share that objective.”


“I like to tell people we’re in an ideological struggle.” That’s nice; everyone should have a hobby.

“And I firmly believe that with North Korea -- and with Iran -- that it is best to deal with these regimes with more than one voice.” Yes, if the Edward G. Robinson voice doesn’t work, try the Clint Eastwood voice. Although I understand Kim Jong Il likes Daffy Duck, so that might be worth a try.

Using one of his voices, he explains the diplomatic process: “Because I understand how it works. What ends up happening is that, you know, we say to a country such as North Korea, Here’s a reasonable way forward. They try to extract more at the negotiating table or they’ve got a different objective. And then they go and say, Wait a minute; the United States is being unreasonable. They make a threat. They could -- you know, they say the world is about to fall apart because of the United States’s problem. And, all of a sudden, we become the issue.”


He rejects as not “a credible report” the study which says that 655,000 Iraqis have died since the invasion (he says the report has been out before and its methodology is discredited, which I take to mean that he’s confusing it with the earlier, unrelated Lancet study), adding, “I am, you know, amazed that this is a society which so wants to be free that they’re willing to -- you know, that there’s a level of violence that they tolerate.” Asked whether he still stands by his own guestimate some time back of 30,000 dead civilians, Bush says, “I, you know, I stand by the figure a lot of innocent people have lost their life.”

Says Democratic assertions that they plan to raise taxes only on the rich are “just codeword.” At least, according to his Karl Rove Secret Decoder Ring.

On Mark Foley, he implies, I think for the first time, a Democratic plot (a response Will Durst describes as the best defense being a ludicrous offense): “You know, we want to make sure what we understand what Republicans knew and what Democrats knew in order to find the facts.”

Says the border is difficult to close: “I don’t know if you’ve ever been down there. But it’s a pretty vast part of the country down there.”

We cannot tolerate the intolerable

At the end of yesterday’s school safety conference mentioned in the previous post, Bush seemed rather anxious to get away. He had, what else, a fundraiser to go to, in Georgia. He generously said of the Democrats, who he described as not being “willing to do the hard work necessary to protect the American people”, that he doesn’t question the patriotism of those who voted against renewal of the Patriot Act. So I guess he’s questioning their PatriotActism.

So North Korea’s Central News Agency really isn’t going to say anything more about the nuclear test. Their announcement of that event is shorter than their news story “Floral Baskets Placed before Statues of Kim Il Sung” (“Placed before the statue amidst the playing of floral basket-laying music were floral baskets in the name of party and power organs, public organizations, ministries, national institutions, scientific, educational, cultural, art, public health and media organizations, factories, enterprises, farms and schools and bouquets and flowers.”) (Also, the President of Senegal sent a floral basket to the statue.) (Which, I’m assuming, was promptly eaten by starving North Koreans.) (Including the actual basket.) (’Cause they’re really, really hungry.) (Say it with flowers. Delicious, delicious flowers.) (Also, they have special floral basket-laying music in North Korea?)

When I wrote about the South Dakota abortion referendum a couple of days ago, I didn’t really get around to castigating the pro-choice side for the tepidness of their campaign, which concedes the whole concept that bodily autonomy is a right in favor of a “we hate abortion and think it’s icky too, but rape and incest, people, what about the rape and incest victims?” approach. This is right out of the Lakoff/Saletan playbook I’ve criticized before. By the way, this YouTube video of a news report on a press conference which made the point that rape victims might like to have the option of abortion shows an anti-abortion crasher, some kid in a... Cat in the Hat costume. I’m still cogitating on the relevance of the Cat in the Hat to Referred Law 6, and my attempts at writing anti-abortion slogans in the style of Dr. Seuss have been frankly too grotesque to share, although you’re welcome to try your own.

In Italy, a satirical/investigative tv show was pulled before airing this week. The show had done fake interviews of Italian members of parliament for the purpose of having a makeup girl take swabs of their sweat, which were tested for drugs. Of 50 tested, 12 were positive for marijuana, 4 for cocaine.

John McCain called for an independent investigation of the House page scandal, saying, “We cannot tolerate the intolerable.” Since when?

Reaching out to say to somebody who is lonely, I love you

The White House sponsored a conference on school safety. Bush didn’t attend all of it, but got the notes from one of the stoner kids: “I got a firsthand report on one of the panels from Laura, who said that -- I think if I could summarize your words, it was like really interesting and very important.”


There was a lot of talk about watching children for signs of having a personality suspicious behaviour. Said EdSec Margaret Spellings, “Another way that we can kind of be alert for behavioral patterns and the like is to make sure that we have as many grown-ups in schools as we possible can.” Former Congressman Mark Foley immediately volunteered.

What? Too soon?

Other participants talked about the need to teach “character” in schools, and one suggested that all the focus on testing took away from that. Bush immediately leapt to the defense of testing: “I happen to believe that self-esteem comes when a child realizes he or she can read early at grade level.” In fact, “I’m concerned about a system that socially promotes children, because I think that at some point in time, that begins to affect a child’s vision of the future, and a grim vision of the future may be that which triggers a response that is negative.” Guns don’t kill people, social promotion kills people. Also, he warns, “it’s really important... that people not think government is a loving entity.” That’s the Republican motto for the mid-term elections, isn’t it? Rather, it should be up to people like Craig Scott, a participant whose sister was killed at Columbine: “what Craig is doing is -- he doesn’t realize it -- he’s a social entrepreneur. He is inspiring others to continue to reach out to say to somebody who is lonely, I love you.” Former Congressman Mark Foley immediately volunteered.

Still too soon?


Also, parents: “And the truth of the matter is, if we really think about it, the primary responsibility, the primary teacher of character is the parent. That is the front line of enabling our society to be a compassionate, decent place.” Trust Bush to use a war metaphor when discussing compassion and decency.

A great leap forward for North Korea and a great day for Iraq

Happy Indigenous People’s Day (Berkeley only)!

North Korea is the first country which has fought a war with the US since the start of the nuclear age to acquire its own nukes. According to the official statement, this is “a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation... a historic event that brought happiness to our military and people... The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent.”

Bush has handled this issue ineptly, alternating neglect and bluster, but I don’t know that ept handling would have made much of a difference. North Korea is not only paranoid, but everyone really is out to get them. Bush had to issue a response before thorough confirmation of the NK claim could be made, so he said that whether or not they have a nuke, “such a claim itself constitutes a threat to international peace and security.” Now, George, are these possibly fake nukes as much of a threat as the completely fake Iraqi nukes were? “Threats will not lead to a brighter future for the North Korean people,” he threatened.

Bush also issued a statement saying that the murder of Russian journalist Anna Politkovoskaya is a bad thing. He says that Politkovoskaya’s work “challenged her fellow Russians - and, indeed, all of us - to summon the courage and will, as individuals and societies, to struggle against evil and rectify injustices.” So how does Bush summon that courage and will? “We urge the Russian Government to conduct a vigorous and thorough investigation to bring to justice those responsible for her murder.” Yup, that should do it.

The Iraqi police are replacing their old uniforms with spiffy new ones – with camouflage! – which they claim cannot possibly be counterfeited by death squads. Sez Gen. Joseph Peterson (not an Iraqi) of what the BBC calls a rebranding, “This is a great day for Iraq.” They thought about dressing like London bobbies, but went another direction:


Speaking of camouflage, the LAT has an article about South Dakota’s referendum on abortion. Anti-abortionists have adopted a softer, pseudo-feminist approach with the slogan “Abortion Hurts Women.” So women are to be protected from themselves.


The campaign features women who have had abortions and now regret it. According to the one of those women, speaking in a radio ad, “we weren’t designed to abort our babies.” And here’s a slogan that warms the heart: “I love my baby who was conceived by rape.” The LAT focuses on Leslee Unruh, head of the campaign, without bothering to do any background research, such as this, on her.

Every day is just a hoot

I watched the California gubernatorial debate tonight, and let’s just say I don’t think I have to worry about developing an Angelides impersonation to match my breathtakingly mediocre Schwarzenegger. Angelides, despite being a shitload of points behind, decided to play it beige. Nothing much was said so there’s no point in blogging it as I’d planned. Angelides is the son of immigrants, Arnie is an immigrant, Arnie wants to cut taxes, Phil wants to “close corporate tax loopholes,” blah blah blah. I tried to amuse myself by putting a name to the weird color of the governator’s oddly unskinlike skin, but could come to no conclusion. Every so often the moderator tried to get them actually to converse with each other or not to drone on, or informed them that a focus group watching the debate in the basement was “tired of this topic,” to no avail. At the end, they were allowed to ask each other a question. Arnie asked Phil what was the funniest moment of the campaign for him. Angelides couldn’t, or wouldn’t, rise to the occasion, but did say that “Every day is just a hoot.” Arnie said it was very gratifying to go to a supermarket in China and see the customers “grab our vegetables, grab our strawberries.”


More feeble fun was to be found in Saturday’s NYT, editing quotations to make them more accurate, as follows: Rep. John Shimkus, chairman of the board that oversees the Congressional page program, said of his handling of the complaint against Mark Foley, “I did nothing wrong.” And deputy White House press secretary Dana Perino, responding to John Warner’s claim that Iraq is “drifting sideways,” said “I don’t believe that the president thinks that way.”

Honoring our dad

At the christening of the USS George H. W. Bush, a nuclear aircraft carrier (does that mean the aircraft is nuclear or the carrier is nuclear?) (and if it’s Chimpy who christens it, do all the sailors have to pronounce it nucular?), Shrub reveals that Laura is in fact his sister! “Laura and I are honored to be here to honor our dad.” All that mutual honoring seems kind of incestuous too.

Speaking of unnatural unions, Chimpy told the story of how his father, when he was a pilot, flew over a traveling circus, starting an elephant stampede. And that’s how he met...


And now a picture of George Bush with a goofy expression on his face, but wait, there’s a difference...

Stalled

A Reuters headline that, as I stare at the screen, seems to morph from sublime to ridiculous and back again every 2 seconds. See if it doesn’t do the same for you: “Bush Anti-Terror Message Stalled by Sex Scandal.”

So Condi went on one of those famous “surprise” visits to Iraq, “Wearing a helmet and a flak jacket and flanked by machine-gun-toting bodyguards to defend against insurgents,” in the words of the New York Times. I’ve looked and I’ve looked and I’ve looked, but I just can’t seem to find a photo. Funny, that.

For your captioning pleasure: