I recognize that Democrats are trying to show their current opposition to the war in Iraq

Bush’s weekly radio address segued with all the grace we’ve come to expect from the master of graceful segues from celebrating Easter and Passover (which “remind us of the presence of a loving God who delivers His people from oppression, and offers a love more powerful than death”) to celebrating the war and the people fighting it: “we give thanks for the many blessings in our lives. One of our greatest blessings as Americans is that we have brave citizens who step forward to defend us.” See how he did that?


So clearly, I mean clearly, the proper way for Congress to celebrate Passover and/or Easter is to give George all the money he wants to fight his little war. It’s what Jesus would want. “I recognize that Democrats are trying to show their current opposition to the war in Iraq.” See that little dig: “their current opposition.” “They see the emergency war spending bill as a chance to make that statement. Yet for our men and women in uniform, this emergency war spending bill is not a political statement, it is a source of critical funding that has a direct impact on their daily lives.” It’s a dessert topping, it’s a floor wax!

“We have our differences in Washington, D.C., but our troops should not be caught in the middle.” I think many of our troops would be happy to be caught in the middle between Democrats and Republicans in D.C. rather than caught in the middle between Shiites and Sunnis in Baghdad.

And he ends with a sincere plea to put partisan politics aside.


Mr. Fish

John McCain likes fishing, chocolate ice cream, pizza with pepperoni and onions, and self-delusion

Headline of the day, from the BBC: “Lost Frenchmen Ate Jungle Spiders.”

The latest email from the McCain McCampaign informs us of these “fun facts” about the Maverick: he is an avid fisherman, he likes chocolate ice cream and pizza with pepperoni and onions. Hold the anchovies and jungle spiders (which, by the way, the BBC informs us are “hairy.”)

It also quotes him on the “early progress in Iraq” (he means early in the “surge,” not stuff that happened in 2003): “You read every day about suicide bombings, kidnappings, rocket attacks and other terrible acts. What we don’t read about and what is new is a lot of the good news - the drop in the murders in Baghdad etc etc”. That’s not really good news so much as bad news, but somewhat less of it.

A great reluctance to engage in happy talk

Headline of the week, from the Press Association: “Slavery Shame of Easter Eggs.” However, don’t click on the link unless you want to feel depressed about eating chocolate, which will just make you want to eat more chocolate.

Moronic right-wing talk show question, Laura Ingraham interviewing Secretary of War Robert

Wednesday on the consequences of Congress cutting off funding:

SEC. GATES: Well, if there were a complete cut off of the funds, I mean, there’s no question that that would bring an end to the war. We would have to come home if there were no funds at all.

INGRAHAM: Would you even have money to come home at that point? I mean, coming home costs money. I mean, really.

SEC. GATES: Well, I think we’d find the money to bring them home...

Ingraham’s interrogation also extracted from him vital information on his barbeque preferences (pork ribs).

And in a press conference today Gates said that it will be impossible to make “any real evaluation” about the “surge” for several more months, and “there is a great reluctance to engage in ‘happy talk’ about this.”

Happy hour, on the other hand...

Bad behavior

In a true meeting of the repellant minds, Dick “Dick” Cheney was interviewed by Rush Limbaugh, who invited him to attack the Democrats about Iraq. Cheney laudably refrained from doing so for several long microseconds: “I’ve got some friends on the other side of the aisle, and I don’t want to question everybody’s motives -- I do believe that a significant portion of the Democrats, including, I think, Nancy Pelosi, are adamantly opposed to the war and prepared to pack it in and come home in defeat, rather than put in place or support a policy that will lead to victory.”

Support a policy. But what else must they support? It’s on the tip of my tongue... “You cannot pursue this fiction that some of them like to pursue, that they ‘support the troops,’ but they’re opposed to everything the troops are doing. That’s just a non-sensical statement.” Again, supporting the troops means everything they’re ordered to do. Anything else is just non-sensical. Also non-sensical: Nancy Pelosi’s attempt to mediate between Israel and Syria: “It was a non-statement, non-sensical statement and didn’t make any sense at all”.

You know, Cheney pretends to despise Nancy Pelosi, but he reveals his true feelings when he describes a visit from her as a reward: “She’s not entitled to make policy. In this particular case, by going to Damascus at this stage, it serves to reinforce, if you will, and reward Bashir Assad for his bad behavior. ... This is a bad actor, and until he changes his behavior, he should not be rewarded with visits by the Speaker of the House of Representatives.” He just seethes with jealousy. Nancy never rewards him with a visit. “I’m obviously disappointed. I think it is, in fact, bad behavior on her part.”

I leave it as an exercise for the reader whether Cheney thinks Assad’s “bad behavior” is worse than Pelosi’s “bad behavior.”

[P.S. Incidentally, when I originally wrote this, I left out, from a perhaps misplaced sense of fairness, every instance where Limbaugh said repugnant things (the D’s are devoted to the concept or American defeat, the Senate Judiciary Committee is Stalinist for objecting to the illegal recess appointment of Sam Fox as ambassador to Belgium, etc), and Cheney merely expressed his complete agreement.]

I’ve been waiting all day to say, Hoo-ah!

Some of our brave troops made the ultimate sacrifice today: listening to a speech by George Bush. They listened to him over there (in Fort Irwin, California) so that you don’t have to listen to him here.

He opened his remarks thus: “I’ve been waiting all day to say, Hoo-ah!” What a rich, full, rewarding life he leads.


He thanked the troops for joining the army, which evidently people don’t do in other countries: “Ours is a remarkable country when people volunteer to serve our country in a time of war.”

He thanked the families of the troops who joined the army: “I understand that when a loved one is deployed, it creates anxiety.” Actually, now that I read that sentence again, it sounds kind of dirty. “You’re an integral part of making sure this volunteer army is as successful as it is today.” Dude, you’re blaming them for that?


He says that on 9/11 “my attitude about the world changed that day”. Really? Wasn’t his attitude about the world pretty much always that it revolves around him? “Like many Americans, we struggle with understanding with what this attack meant.” Duuur, big buildings fall down boom. “See, what changed on September the 11th is oceans can no longer protect the people in the United States from harm.” I think the Indian Ocean just hasn’t been pulling its weight. Stoopid Indian Ocean.


Oh, let’s just skim quickly through the rest of the speech: “make no mistake about it, these extremists believe things -- for example, they don’t believe you can worship freely; they don’t believe you should speak your mind; they don’t believe in dissent; they don’t believe in human rights.” I don’t think you need me to MST3K that sentence for you.


If we pull out of Iraq, “The enemy that had done us harm would be embolden.”

On Iraq: “it’s not a civil war; it is pure evil.” He’s not the messiah; he’s a very naughty boy.

On Congress: “Then, instead of sending an acceptable bill to my desk, they went on spring break.” And didn’t invite him. DIDN’T INVITE HIM!

“The enemy does not measure the conflict in Iraq in terms of timetables.” They probably use the metric system, those bastards! Stoopid metric system.

At Fort Irwin, they let him play with the bomb detonation robot,


and they let him play with a surveillance aircraft,


but all he really wanted to do was rub that big old bald head.

Meet the loser lesser Republican candidates

Thomas “Tommy” Thompson announced his candidacy this weekend. To be president. Just thought I’d mention it because, well, someone has to. TomTom says that he is the “reliable conservative” candidate, as opposed to a wild and wacky conservative, and predicts that he will win the Iowa caucus because “I’ve been in Iowa every single week since the first week in December.” John McCain spent five years in a Vietnamese prison camp, and even he’s not willing to do that. Also, McCain has a job that he occasionally shows up to, and TommyTom is unemployed, which brings up the question: if you have to put that much work into winning the Iowa caucus (not that he will), does it still count? Also, shouldn’t he be saying that Iowans will vote for him because they like his policy positions, not just because he spent a lot of time in their state?


Nativist swine Tom “Please ignore the vowel at the end of my name” Tancredo also announced. “The melting pot is cracked, and our Founding ideals are leaking through,” he said, instantly proving his unfitness for political life, because if there is one person who should not be using the words “cracked” and “pot” in close proximity to each other...

Bush press conference: cauldron of chaos

This morning Bush castigated the “Democrat leaders” for being “more interested in fighting political battles in Washington than in providing our troops what they need to fight the battles in Iraq,” and suggested sending the troops to fight political battles in Washington and the Democrat leaders to Iraq. Okay he didn’t, but you know he was thinking it.

(Fun with perspective, from Reuters photographer Larry Downing)

He went on: “If Democrat leaders in Congress are bent on making a political statement, then they need to send me this unacceptable bill as quickly as possible when they come back. I’ll veto it, and then Congress can get down to the business of funding our troops without strings and without delay... and we go about our business of winning this war.” See what he’s doing here? He’s suggesting that the Democrat leaders are acting childish and he’s the mature, responsible one.

He repeated the assertion, previously made by others, that Nancy Pelosi is sending “mixed signals” in Syria: “photo opportunities and/or meetings with President Assad lead the Assad government to believe they’re part of the mainstream of the international community, when, in fact, they’re a state sponsor of terror”. I always get those two confused myself.

Continuing about Assad, Bush lets loose with an “in other words”: “There have been a lot of people who have gone to see President Assad -- some Americans, but a lot of European leaders and high-ranking officials. And yet we haven’t seen action. In other words, he hasn’t responded.”

And another, about former aide Matthew Dowd’s criticism of his policies: “Matthew’s case, as I understand it, is obviously intensified because his son is deployable. In other words, he’s got a son in the U.S. Armed Forces”.

And another: “Again, Plante mentioned that people don’t think we can succeed -- in other words, there’s no chance of succeeding.” There were 5 more “in other words”’s during the press conference.


Things that would happen if we withdrew from Iraq: “watching the country go up in flames,” “Iraq becomes a cauldron of chaos which will embolden extremists, whether they be Shia or Sunni extremists; which would enable extremists to have safe haven from which to plot attacks on America.” So they’d be emboldened by the cauldron of chaos, and they’d have safe haven in the cauldron of chaos.

Ken Herman of Cox asks him if he knows the current price of gas. $2.60, he says. Herman asks where he’s shopping.

Asked if the, how you say, Democrat leaders aren’t simply doing what they were elected to do in November, Bush interprets: “I think the voters in America want Congress to support our troops who are in harm’s way. They want money to the troops.”

You know, I hear people equate supporting this war with “supporting our troops” twenty times a day, but every so often it just pisses me off all over again.

Asked about Peter Pace and the gays (sounds like a bedtime story) (which I suppose, in a way...): “I will not be rendering judgment about individual orientation. I do believe the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy is good policy.”

In case you were wondering why we have a Department of Homeland Security: “We do everything we can here at the homeland to protect us. That’s why I’ve got a Homeland Security Department.”

That’s also why we have an Iraq, there in the, you know, uncivilized world: “Iraq is a very important part of securing the homeland, and it’s a very important part of helping change the Middle East into a part of the world that will not serve as a threat to the civilized world, to people like -- or to the developed world, to people like -- in the United States.”

(More fun with perspective, from AP photog Gerald Herbert)

No one asked him about the naked chocolate Jesus, which was disappointing.

And no one asked him about “comfort women,” a subject he evidently discussed today with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, who has denied that women were forced into brothels for Japanese soldiers. Bush evidently told Abe that he appreciated his “candor” and that Japan today is not the Japan of World War II.

Mixed signals

The Bush admin warned Nancy Pelosi that visiting Syria would send “mixed signals.”

Here she is sending mixed signals by eating a dried fig.


And here, she sends a mixed signal pointing to some dried fruits and herbs.


Here, she accepts some nuts. Totally mixed signal.


Here, she looks at the tomb containing the head of St. John the Baptist. Class, what sort of signal is she sending?

I can’t think of a post title, but I’ve got a picture of Bush looking silly, which is really all you need to know, right?

Robert Fisk writes about how the Iranians are using the footage of the 15 British sailors to humiliate the West: “Blair will fulminate and Bush will roar and the Iranians will sit back and enjoy every second of it.” This was obvious when they chose to display the one woman captive first. Bush’s casual (I assume) use of the word “hostages” Saturday, by the way, ratcheted up the diplomatic tensions in a way that makes it harder for Iran to back down. Almost as if he wanted a crisis for some, you know, reason.

Though Fisk points out that Iran understands us much better than we bother to understand Iran and is using this knowledge to manipulate Western reactions, he doesn’t explain something that’s been bothering me for days: the first letter ostensibly written by captive Faye Turney was obviously written for her by someone with a less than fluid grasp of English. [Update: here’s an analysis by a linguist.] That was pointed out in every story about it, Iran must have been following those stories, but the 2nd and 3rd letter were no better. They didn’t care that the letters weren’t even slightly plausible, and I’m not sure why.

Here’s the thing about George Bush: you can photoshop him to make him look stupid, like this picture illustrating The Onion’s story “Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister,”


but you really just cannot make him look stupider than he does naturally (Reuters, yesterday):

The full picture

John McCain was in Iraq today, complaining during a press conference in the Green Zone that Americans aren’t getting the “full picture” from the media about how safe Iraq is now. “Never have I been able to drive from the airport, never have I been able go out into the city as I was today”. How did he (and other congresscritters) go out into the city? If you guessed wearing body armor, in armored vehicles, with helicopters flying overhead, accompanied by many, many soldiers, you guessed correctly. Isn’t that how everyone goes to market? The delegation went rug-shopping in the largest Baghdad market, where the AP notes that some sellers “would not take money for their souvenirs”. With all those men with guns sweeping through their stalls, they probably thought it was a stick up.

[Update: Newsweek reports: “‘I bought five carpets for five bucks,’ Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina gushed at a presser shortly after the visit.” Ah, the spoils of war! That makes it all worthwhile.]

I asked about the Iraqi police who participated in the massacres in Tal Afar. Still no news, but their very existence is now being denied by the local American commander, Lt. Col. Malcom Frost, Military Moron: “As we investigate this, there’s no indication that this was an inside job... As much as we want war to be, it is not a zero-defect exercise, and unfortunately the enemy sometimes finds a seam. This is the case in this incident.” He went on, “Sometimes you must take half a step back to take two steps forward.” It is unclear if that half a step was the market bombing, which killed 152, or the reprisal massacres of 50 to 70 (such counts are highly political in Iraq, with Frost and the Tal Afar city government giving lower figures than the interior ministry). Like McCain, M.M. Frost chided the media and told it to just grow up already: “It is both foolish and immature to let this one event represent the progress Tal Afar has made.”

I’m a Plan A man

Today Bush was visited at Camp David by Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva.

Said Bush, “You come as a friend, we welcome you as a friend, and our discussions were very friendly.” You know, according to the WaPo, Dr. Seuss wrote The Cat in the Hat using a vocabulary of only 236 words. Just saying.


You know what’s not so friendly? Malaria. “There is no excuse for malaria to continuing to kill as many people as it does.” That malaria sure does need a good talking to.


As does Iran: “the British hostages issue is a serious issue because the Iranians took these people out of Iraqi water. ...They’re innocent, they were doing nothing, and they were summarily plucked out of water.” Summary plucking, a fate worse than death. And out of water, to boot.

Then he went on about Iran and nukes for a bit, concluding, “And I’m hopeful that the people of Iran will be tired of the isolation. I would hope that there would be some rationality amongst their leaders in choosing a better way forward for the people.” Funny, because that – and you’re all way ahead of me on this one, aren’t you? – is what I’ve been saying about the United States for years.


However, he went on, “the United States does believe that it’s in our interest that we have people-to-people exchanges.” He’s not referring to exchanging the British sailors for the Iranian diplomats or whatever they were who were seized in Iraq in January and still held by the US. No, he means wrestlers: “As I say, we have no problem with the Iranian people. As a matter of fact, we just sent a wrestling team to Iran, all attempting to make it clear to the Iranian people that we’re interested in having a constructive relationship, and it is the decisions of their government that are preventing that from happening.” Because nothing says constructive relationship like homoerotic grappling wrestling.


Speaking of constructive relationships, he reiterated his eternal support for the Gonzolator: “Attorney General Gonzales is an honorable and honest man, and he has my full confidence. He is providing documents for Congress to find the truth. He will testify in front of Congress, and he will tell the truth. ... But I will remind you, there is no credible evidence that there has been any wrongdoing.” So that settles that.

Asked if he had a Plan B if the Doha trade talks fail, he said, “I’ve been asked about Plan B’s before, on different subjects. And that kind of means you’re willing to retreat. I’m a Plan A man”. 236 words. Just saying.

George Bush likes peanuts as much as the next guy

Bush’s weekly radio address attacked the “emergency war spending bills” just passed, including their “arbitrary deadline for surrender and withdrawal in Iraq” and, once again, “secure peanut storage.” He needed to add the word secure so he could get to this little joke: “I like peanuts as much as the next guy...” (They’re not like those pretzels, which you think are your friends, then they try and choke you. Stoopid pretzels.) “...but I believe the security of our troops should come before the security of our peanut crop.” (What he may be admitting here is that the reason he was initially so slow to provide the troops in Iraq with the proper body armor was that he just assumed that, like peanuts, they came with their own natural protective shells.)


Also, the Democrats want to raise your taxes, we need to cut entitlements, special interest projects, reckless taxing and spending, yadda yadda yadda.

What’s wrong with putting a bag over her head?

We knew that members of the police were involved in the reprisal killings in Tal Afar earlier this week. There were even reports, which I haven’t heard confirmed, that the Iraqi military and police shot at each other as the military tried to stop the massacres. 18 of the police were arrested. And very shortly afterwards, the government, provincial rather than national near as I can make out, simply ordered them released. They may or may not have been re-arrested since then.

It’s disheartening when a thuggish and criminally stupid regime that is starving to death those of its citizens it doesn’t beat to death gets the unanimous public backing of its neighbors, as Zimbabwe’s Mugabe just has from the 14-nation Southern African Development Community (listen to its anthem here). That’s all I have to say about that.

Monty Python’s Terry Jones expresses his disgust at the Iranian treatment of the British sailors & marines: “And as for compelling poor servicewoman Faye Turney to wear a black headscarf, and then allowing the picture to be posted around the world - have the Iranians no concept of civilised behaviour? For God’s sake, what’s wrong with putting a bag over her head? ... It is also unacceptable that these British captives should be made to talk on television and say things that they may regret later. If the Iranians put duct tape over their mouths, like we do to our captives...” You get the idea.

Speaking of putting a bag over her head, the Bushies are bitching about Nancy Pelosi’s planned trip to Syria, which sends the wrong message. As opposed to Bush’s meeting this week with Gen. Vladimir Shamanov, the “Butcher of Chechnya.” While they’ve acknowledged that that meeting was a mistake, I haven’t noticed them doing anything to clarify their attitude towards the Butcher.

From the Butcher of Chechnya to the Kangaroo Skinner from Oz. David Hicks, the Australian who fought against the Northern Alliance in Afghanistan in 2001 before fleeing and selling his guns, being captured and spending 5 years in Guantanamo, plead guilty after his lawyer was kicked out of the military tribunal for refusing to sign an agreement to abide by rules that had not been written yet. The plea agreement includes provisions that he renounce all his previous claims about being beaten and tortured in Gitmo, declare that his detention was entirely lawful, not speak to the media for one year after his release, not sue the US for having been tortured, and not profit from, say, a book deal. And you know something? It’s kind of refreshing. At long last the US has stopped pretending that it doesn’t torture or that it has any interest in investigating allegations of abuse or torture. That the prosecutors had the authority to make such a deal, threatening Hicks with more years of confinement if he persisted in his claims of torture, tells you everything you need to know. He will serve out his sentence in an Australian prison, John Howard being willing to imprison one of his nationals on the basis of this miserable excuse for a trial. One wonders if he’s also promised to arrest Hicks if he violates the gag order.

Every time I come to Walter Reed my spirits are lifted

Bush went to Walter Reed today. “Every time I come to Walter Reed my spirits are lifted,” he said. So that makes it all worthwhile. Also, no one beat him death with their new prosthetic limb, so all in all a very successful visit.

He acknowledged the failures of Walter Reed and put the blame firmly on the non-humans responsible for them: “The problems at Walter Reed were caused by bureaucratic and administrative failures. The system failed you, and it failed our troops.” Also, a building failed our troops and it has been properly punished: “Building 18 has been closed. We’re fixing that which needs to be fixed, including, interestingly enough, putting a new roof on it.”

“This military system of ours, when you really think about it, just across the country, it’s very complex and it’s large.” Sir, you just blew my mind, sir!

“It requires a unique person to come here on a daily basis, and to heal the hurts of those who served our country.” I mean, he added, I only come here once a year or so for a photo op, and afterwards I have the willies for a month.

No, sorry, not the willies: he has his spirits lifted for a month.

Potential

Yesterday Secretary of War Robert

suggested to Congress that Guantanamo could be closed if only they changed the law to “address the concerns about some of these people who really need to be incarcerated forever, but that doesn’t get them involved in a judicial system where there is the potential of them being released, frankly.”

You have to keep explaining to them, very patiently, what it is necessary to do

Astonishingly, Blair did not win over the Iranians with his devastating argument: 29 degrees 50.36 minutes north, 048 degrees 43.08 minutes east. Both sides are taking umbrage at a fearsome rate, breaking it down into its constituent particles of outrage and processing it into great steaming piles of righteous indignation. The Iranians had promised to release the chain-smoking sailor Faye Turney, but backtracked when Britain refused to admit it was in the wrong. Then it released a letter written by Turney (assuming her native tongue is Persian-badly-translated-into-stilted-English), admitting the incursion and calling on Britain to pull out of Iraq. Blair said it was a “disgrace actually, when people are used in that way.” He explained his tactics: “What you have to do when you are engaged with people like the Iranian regime, you have to keep explaining to them, very patiently, what it is necessary to do and at the same time make them fully aware there are further measures that will be taken if they’re not prepared to be reasonable.” I don’t know how they can fail to respond favorably to such an approach.

Interesting story in the Indy about how Turkey has restored a 1000-year-old Armenian Christian church abandoned during the Armenian genocide as a symbol of Turkey’s new-found tolerance, but won’t allow it to have a cross or be re-consecrated.

Marijuana, like Viagra, is evidently not kosher for Passover (which the pro-cannabis Green Leaf Party in Israel points out means that it must be kosher the rest of the year). Probably just as well: the munchies and gefilte fish are not a good combination.

Speaking of not a good combination, George Bush spoke today. About the war supplemental bill. “[W]e expect there to be no strings on our commanders,” he said. Really, he should take that up with their tailors.

He also attended a ceremony at which Congressional Gold Medals were awarded to some of the Tuskegee Airmen. For your captioning pleasure, some pictures of Bush with Nancy Pelosi and Robert Byrd.

How to get the attention of the American people in a positive way

As he so fearsomely threatened, Tony Blair has released hard evidence that the British sailors were seized within Iraqi waters (actually, floating on top of Iraqi waters, one would assume). Here is that hard evidence: 29 degrees 50.36 minutes north, 048 degrees 43.08 minutes east. Pretty much conclusive, huh?

Title of a Bush speech: “President Bush Discusses Economy, War on Terror During Remarks to the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association.”

“It’s good to be with fellow conservationists,” he told the ranchers.

“[T]here’s a fundamental debate in Washington, when you really get down to it,” he told them, “and the debate is who best to spend your money. And I believe a cattleman can spend their money better than the government can.” So there’s a fundamental debate in Washington over whether cattlemen can spend money better than the government. This was in fact a point of division between Madison and Hamilton in the Federalist Papers (Madison, not surprisingly, said it was the cattlemen).

“I say the tax cuts work. Since we enacted major tax reform in 2003, in response to recession and a terrorist attack, this economy of ours has created more than 7 million jobs”. Tax cuts were a response to 9/11?

“When I’m talking to [foreign] leaders and they’ve got an issue with American beef, it’s on the agenda. I say, if you want to get the attention of the American people in a positive way, you open up your markets to U.S. beef.” Also, “Every time we break down a barrier to trade, it makes it more likely somebody who’s raising a cow will have an opportunity to sell that cow into a better market.” Not better for the cow, mind you.

He did not say whether the Iraqis have gotten the attention of the American people in a positive way by opening up their markets to US beef, but he did say – and in this case his inability to correctly use prepositions is accidentally revealing – “And then they elected a government underneath that constitution.”

He’s also not good with verb forms, saying twice that “The lesson of September the 11th must not be forgot.” Or possibly he’s confusing the lesson of September 11 with old acquaintance and auld lang syne.

The Iraqi people, he says, “see positive changes.” In proof of this, he quoted... wait for it... “two Iraqi bloggers -- they have bloggers in Baghdad, just like we’ve got here”. He didn’t mean Riverbend, who hasn’t posted in more than a month. Actually, I don’t know who he meant, since the alleged quote he gave from these alleged Iraqi alleged bloggers about how everything is so much better now, is nowhere to be found on the web, according to alleged Google.

[Update: It’s evidently the blog Iraq the Model (which I don’t know, although its blogroll is entirely right-wing and, while long, fails to include Juan Cole or Riverbend), but the quotes he used seem to be from a Wall Street Journal op-ed by the two rather than the blog. Sheryl Gay Stolberg of the NYT points out that the bloggers met Bush in the White House in 2004.]

“If the House bill becomes law, our enemies in Iraq would simply have to mark their calendars.” And they’d probably mark them with smiley faces. SMILEY FACES!

He doesn’t recall having recollections

Dana Perino clears up the question of whether Alberto Gonzales was involved in the decision to fire the US attorneys: “he says he doesn’t recall having recollections about having deliberative discussions about the ongoing process”.

How many of these stupid alternative fuels photo ops can Bush hold? Today he went to see some Post Office and FedEx trucks which are powered by electricity or switch grass or clean coal technology or possibly windmills. He said, “The goal I laid out of reducing gasoline by 20 percent over 10 years is a realistic goal. In other words, this isn’t a pipe dream,” adding, “In other words, this isn’t a dream about a pipe.”

Don’t make him cartographical. You wouldn’t like him when he’s cartographical

Tony Blair says that if Iran doesn’t hand back the 15 British sailors, “this will move into a different phase.” He may be forced to bring out... the maps. And coordinates. Which will prove (somehow) that they were in Iraqi and not Iranian waters. Said a Blair spokesmodel early in the day, “We so far have not made explicit why we know that, because we don’t want to escalate this.”


Blair said, “In the end, it is a question really for the Iranian government as to whether they want to abide by international law or not.” After all, it’s not like the British military is in Iraqi waters as part of a war that violates... oh, you know.

Tuesday Blair also attended a service at Westminster Abbey to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade. A black protester shouted that the queen should apologize, both for the slave trade and for what she was wearing.

Condi does it in parallel and with each of them bilaterally

At the last press conference (I pray to great muppety Odin) of Condi’s triumphal trip to the Middle East, she repeatedly called Abbas and Olmert “serious people.” Maybe the joke was just too subtle for her.

NO USE SITTING ALONE IN YOUR ROOM: “And so I think the really important thing that we’ve done over the last few months is that they’re not in their corners; they’re in the same room and they’re going to walk down a path together.”

NOT, REPEAT, NOT A DOUBLE ENTENDRE: “As you will remember, when I came here I talked a lot about doing this in parallel and doing it with each of them bilaterally”.

REALLY, NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY A DOUBLE ENTENDRE: “But last time I was here, I think we were able to regroup in a sense. We were able to hold the trilateral. But then the question became what would the Palestinians and Israelis be able to do together.”