Words mean something

Obama says of Palin’s hypocritical conversion to opposition to earmarks, “Come on! Words mean something. You can’t just make stuff up.” Has he not been paying attention the last seven years?

Joke from all over the intertubes and now here: What’s the difference between Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin? Lipstick.

This weekend, McCain brandished the Sharpie of Doom, with which he will veto earmarks....


And Cindy McCain showed us why she is totally the right person to redecorate the White House....


And George Bush did that thing he does so well,


being the goofiest-looking guy in a news photo, no matter the competition.

And what about William Rufus de Vane King?

Piper Palin is evidently named after a brand of snowmobile.

Headline of the Day, from the Daily Telegraph: “Jude Law Calls for Afghan Peace.”

McCain’s high opinion of Palin is not diminishing after having met her, what, four or five times by now? “Isn’t this the most marvelous running mate in the history of this nation?” More marvelous than Elbridge Gerry? Is that even possible?

Republican Convention: Of moose and mavericks and my friends

The last day, praise Jebus.

Brownback on America: “it’s blessed to be a blessing.”

Joe Gibbs, the former head coach of the Washington Redskins: the election of McCain & Palin will bring “a return to God’s word that will lead America to a spiritual revival”. Something to look forward to, then.

Lovely video about 9/11. Slo-mo and everything.

Lindsey Graham: “this speech is for the troops.”


Lindsey Graham talking about “straight talk” just sounds... wrong.

Graham: Obama gave troops only “a patronizing pat on the back”. Whereas you gave them... this speech.

Graham: Everyone knows the surge is working – especially Al Qaida know it – everyone except Obama and his “buddies” at MoveOn.org. And there wouldn’t have been a surge without McCain.


Video on Palin: “Mother... moose-hunter... maverick.”

Oh good, a picture of her and her father with a dead moose.

She likes moose stew.

Tom Ridge’s speech bored me... ridge-id.

Sorry. It’s very hot.

Ridge tries to get a call and response thing going where the audience is supposed to chant “That’s John McCain,” but they pay about as much attention as America did to Ridge’s color-coded terrorism alert levels.

I was in the bathroom, but I could swear Cindy McCain said that she was inspired by John’s example to go to Bangladesh and adopt one if its orphans. Er, didn’t John’s example involve going to an Asian country and creating orphans?

They fell in love at first sight, she says. I wonder if she’s leaving out any little detail about that event.


McCain thanks Bush for his leadership after 9/11, does not actually utter the name “Bush” anywhere in the speech.

Some “Iraq veteran against the war” (according to his t-shirt) has a sign and is heckling (there were others, but he’s the only one I saw on-screen on PBS), which leads to the edifying sight of pudgy delegates trying to drown out a war vet with chants of “USA! USA!” McCain tells the audience to ignore the “static.” Ha ha, that veteran isn’t really speaking in any known language, it’s just meaningless noise.

McCain must really hate having to give the part of his speech I’m listening to now, because we all know how much he hates talking about being a POW. Almost as much as he hates saying “My friends.”

Seriously, the POW portion of the speech went on a very long time.

Which he does a lot, even after everyone has been making fun of it. Can’t help himself. Unless someone thought it would be funny to put it on the teleprompter 500 times.

He actually suggests that people join the military. Or serve your country in other ways (though not as a community organizer): teach an illiterate adult to read (insert obligatory George Bush joke here). Or feed a hungry child – but not candy in the back of your van.

Went to a dark place there.


A bad speech, though delivered fairly well by McCain standards.


Hey, guy with sign: it’s spelled maverick, not mavrick!

Hey, Jim Lehrer: “they” don’t have seven children; he does.

Alaska is right next to Russia. She understands that.

Below is the video of Sarah Palin speaking at her church. At 3:50 she says that the Iraq war is a “task that is from God,” (Note: corrected from earlier version where I somehow missed that part), and at 2:10 she discusses God’s will for there to be a pipeline, and how Alaska needs to get right with the Lord. At 4:30 she tells us all about Track’s tattoos.



Yesterday, McCain was interviewed on ABC by Charlie Gibson:

WHAT SARAH PALIN’S RESUME INCLUDES: “I mean, she’s got an incredible resume, including a beautiful family and a wonderful, loving, caring family.”

ON THE VETTING OF SARAH PALIN: “Well, the people of Alaska have vetted her.” They call her Sarah Barracuda, is that what you mean? Geddit, barracuda, vet, geddit?

WHAT SARAH PALIN UNDERSTANDS: “Alaska is right next to Russia. She understands that.”

BUT DOES BARACK UNDERSTAND GEOGRAPHY AS WELL AS SARAH?: “Look, Sen. Obama’s never visited south of our border. I mean, please.” I didn’t realize going to Tijuana and seeing a donkey show was a sine qua non for the presidency. Oh, and, dude, Palin hasn’t visited south of our border either.

WHAT PEOPLE IN AMERICA WANT, AND DON’T WANT: “But most importantly, people in America want change. They don’t want somebody from inside the beltway.” Um, dude, where have you worked for the last few decades? Oh, and, dude, aren’t you accusing Obama of lack of experience for only having been inside the beltway 3½ years?

WHAT SARAH PALIN KNOWS: “Gov. Palin knows the surge has succeeded. She’s the commander of the Alaskan National Guard. He said that Iran was a tiny problem. He’s never visited south of our border.” You know, if Junior Soprano taught us anything, it’s that if you do go “south of the border,” you’d prefer it not to be mentioned in public.

WHAT MCCAIN CAN LOOK THE COUNTRY IN THE EYE (THE COUNTRY HAS AN EYE?) AND SAY: “I can look the country in the eye and say this is a person who will bring change to Washington and start working for you and upon your side. ...” I DON’T THINK I WANT HER WORKING UPON MY SIDE. “...This is what Americans want. They don’t want somebody who has -- who is, frankly, necessarily gone to Harvard or an Ivy League school. She probably hasn’t been to a Georgetown cocktail party.”

A LOT OF THIS OTHER STUFF: “That’s what she has to offer. And I’m telling you, Charlie, I believe, I am convinced -- if I’m convinced of anything, tonight’s performance, I think, will convince a lot of Americans and a lot of this other stuff’s going to go away immediately.” Oh yeah, that other stuff is so going to go away immediately.

Asked about the $27m in earmarks Palin got for Wasilla: “And then she learned that earmarks are bad.”

Asked about Palin’s saying that the Iraq war is a task from God: “I think that, obviously, that we are facing a transcendent evil of radical Islamic extremism that wants to destroy everything we stand for and believe in and value. I know that’s what she was talking about.”

Asked about her support for creationism being taught in public schools: “I don’t want her in a position of power and influence in America because we’re talking about jobs that school boards do and other things. We can have differences on various issues. Americans want jobs. They want affordable health insurance. They want an education. They want all the things that are compelling issues to their families today.” In other words, if I understand what McCain is saying, yeah, she’s obviously too batshit insane a religious nutjob to be on a school board, but she’s good to go for veep.

WHAT MCCAIN KNOWS HOW TO DO: “Well, look, President Clinton [had] opportunities to get Osama bin Laden. President Bush had opportunities to get Osama bin Laden. I know how to do it and I’ll do it. And I understand and I have the knowledge and the background and the experience to make the right judgments.” You know how to do it? Why didn’t you tell us that before?

WHAT NO RATIONAL OBSERVER WOULD DENY: “no rational observer would deny that we’ve succeeded [in Iraq], and he [Obama] refuses to do so”. So is he saying that Obama isn’t an observer, or that he isn’t rational? Ah, he’s just a cynical political operator: “He took the position that he did for political reasons to get the far left of his party’s support and win the nomination of his party. And now, incredibly, he still refuses to acknowledge that the surge is succeeding.” Yeah, he’s already got the nomination, so why shouldn’t he just admit that he was lying about how the surge is totally succeeding? “We just turned over Anbar province to the Iraqis, the bloodiest battleground of the whole Iraq War, and he refuses to acknowledge that.” Did I miss an interview where Obama was asked if we had turned over Anbar to the Iraqis and he said no?

Republican Convention: Drill, baby, drill

Why were all those delegates laughing every time someone mentioned that Obama was a “community organizer”? For people who are so anti-government, they sure like to disparage efforts of citizens to organize themselves in, as Dubya once called it, the “community-based community.” You know, Tocqueville and all that shit. (Update: see Christopher’s comment on this post for more about the hypocrisy of this. Also, an email from the Obama campaign this morning responds: “Community organizing is how ordinary people respond to out-of-touch politicians and their failed policies.”)

They kept chanting “drill, baby, drill.” Boy, it’s all about the sex with those people, isn’t it?


Giuliani: did you know that motherfucker Obama voted “present” in the Illinois state legislature? Oh, he must be stopped. He must be stopped.



Palin: “The American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery.” Yes, we quite prefer presidents who never learn a fucking thing their entire time in office.


With jokes like this one, as told by Palin, those long Alaskan nights must just fly: “You know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.” I’m going to have bad dreams tonight about pit bulls with lipstick, I know it.

Out-of-context Quote of the Day from the Republican Convention

Mike Huckabee: “I was in college before I found out it isn’t supposed to hurt when you take a shower.”

Appreciating total strangers

Another day, another Hurricane Gustav emergency center for Bush to disrupt with a presidential photo-op, this one in Baton Rouge.


JEEZ, YOU PEOPLE LOOK LIKE SHIT: “Looking around, I can see that some people may not have had much sleep recently.”

EVIDENTLY IT’S A PROBLEM: “One of the key things that needs to happen is they got to get electricity up here in Louisiana, get moving as fast as possible. The Governor understands it’s a problem, his team understands it’s a problem, and I understand it’s a problem.”

DO THEY HAVE TO PRAY UPSIDE DOWN? “the people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there’s a lot of prayer -- prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I’m one of them.”

AH HAVE ALWAYS DEPENDED...: “And I know the people that are -- whose lives have been affected appreciate a total stranger coming in to help.” Boy, that doesn’t sound creepy at all.

Speaking of strangers – “little strangers” – Bristol and Levi arrived at the convention. What did McCain say to them? CAPTION CONTEST.



I guess I’m not surprised that not a single Republican has been found to suggest that the two might have practiced safe sex, but I can’t wait to see what reception the convention gives them tonight. Rapturous, I assume, at the sight of young lust punished by parenthood. I’m reminded of Dan Quayle being asked in 1988 whether, if his 13-year old daughter was raped and impregnated, he would prevent her aborting. Caught off guard, he gave the human response, that it would be a family decision. Marilyn Quayle stepped in to give the “right” answer, that of course she’d carry it to term. This was the point when I realized that certain people were as horrified at the thought of an abortion as I am at the thought of a 13-year old forced to give birth to an unwanted child.

You can be sure the angry left never will

I was playing with Chrome with the Republican convention on in the background, mostly on mute, so I wasn’t paying much attention. Every so often I looked over, thought about turning the sound up, and didn’t. There was a video on the pledge of allegiance. Every time I glanced at the tv, there seemed to be a picture of Teddy Roosevelt for some reason.

Bush, in a rather short speech via satellite: “I know what it takes to be president.” Since when?

Bush: “If the Hanoi Hilton could not break John McCain’s resolve to do what is best for his country, you can be sure the angry left never will.” How about the cranky left?


This guy (unidentified) seems to have lost some sort of bet:



And then she punched him in the balls, the end.

Sarah Palin not qualified to take over as president? Have you seen the guy they’ve got doing the job now?

Bush spoke today.

IN OTHER WORDS: “We recognize that the pre-storm efforts were important and so are the follow-up efforts -- in other words, what happens after the storm passes is as important as what happens prior to the storm arriving.”

WHAT THIS STORM SHOULDN’T DO: “And this storm should not cause the members of Congress to say, well, we don’t need to address our energy independence”.

Heck of a... terrific job

Did you see the footage of Putin supposedly saving the lives of a camera crew from a rampaging Siberian tiger by shooting it with a tranquilizer dart? It’s not even a good fake. We get it, Vlad, you’re totally butch.

A video was shown at the Republican convention about how Republican governors are manfully battling Hurricane Gustav. In it, Texas Governor Rick “Good Hair” Perry said, “You’re seeing Republican governors in Republican states doing a terrific job.” Don’t you mean a terrific Republican job?

Nobody is happy about these storms

Dave Barry: “she was mayor of the Alaskan city of Wasilla, which has the same total number of households as John McCain.” Better than my igloo joke, I think, which is why he gets the big bucks.

One advantage of owning all those houses with all those rooms: no one ever tells you to “just get a room.”


Today Bush visited the Alamo Regional Command Reception Center in San Antonio. After a scintillating briefing on Hurricane Gustav,


which had him glued to his chair (anyone who writes “that ain’t glue” in comments will be banned for life, see if I don’t),


he met with some people who evidently symbolized other people: “Here are some Red Cross volunteers. They are -- they symbolize the thousands that will help.”


He explained why America is great: “America is a great country. It’s great because we’ve got great people. Nobody is happy about these storms.”

I would pull that lever

James Dobson, who had said he would never vote for McCain, now says that with Palin on the ticket, “I would pull that lever.” I’ll bet he would, I’ll bet he totally would.

H/T to Josh in comments for this 1988 video of sportscaster Sarah Palin. Is that an Alaska accent?



I understand she got her very first passport last year.

Today, Bush went to FEMA operation center in D.C. to give a message to the people of the Gulf Coast: “The message to the people of the Gulf Coast is, this storm is dangerous.”

Ah could sure go for a burrito right about now.

PREPOSITIONING EMERGENCY STOCKPILES OF “IN OTHER WORDS”: “the federal government has prepositioned teams of emergency managers, doctors, ambulances, search and rescue teams, aircraft and commodities throughout the region. There are millions of meals and millions of liters of water prestaged, as well as a lot of blankets and cots. In other words, there’s a lot of preparations that have gone in in anticipation of this storm.”

For example, hauling a presidential podium into FEMA’s operation center.


Meanwhile, McCain and his soul mate went to the emergency management center in Mississippi.


He promised they would act as Americans, but only if absolutely necessary: “I pledge that tomorrow night, and if necessary throughout our convention, we will act as Americans and not as Republicans because America needs us now.”

Ah yes, now I remember why I picked you.

Who kicked Sarah Palin’s ass?

In 1984, Palin lost the Miss Alaska pageant to this woman,


Maryline Blackburn, evidently some sort of singer slash actress who, according to her website, is “the personification of the word Entertainer”. Maybe McCain should have picked her. America hasn’t been properly entertained by a vice president since Dan Quayle.

Not flat busted

Have you caught Palinmania yet?

McCain-Palin: a political dinosaur and a woman who doesn’t believe there were dinosaurs.

McCain’s choice of Palin suggests either what happens when the Ambien kicks in, or that he was more worried by Joe Biden’s debating abilities than is warranted, given Biden’s track record against lack-wits like Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, and chose his mail-order bride in the hopes that Biden gives free passes to girls who wear glasses. (Apologies to Dorothy Parker.)

Our Sarah, however, is capable of bringing down a full-grown caribou using only her bare hands.


That picture was provided to the press by her family, by the way. They evidently think that America will be charmed by this image of mother and daughter bonding over blood sports. The family that slays together, stays together.

They also offered up this picture of Sarah in her University of Idaho dorm.


If you can’t read it, her t-shirt says “I may be broke, but I’m not flat busted.” Which I believe was also her 2006 gubernatorial campaign slogan.

A little belatedly, Dave Barry’s convention coverage, starting here.

What we know

So what do we now know about Sarah Palin, who the London Times calls a “gun-toting beauty queen”?

We know she’s a woman, which probably accounts for a Reuters photographer’s choice to take this particular picture.


We know she is congenial.

We know she hates polar bears and loves Pat Buchanan.

We know she was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it.

We know from Troopergate that she is not only vindictive and willing to abuse her power but, even more unforgivably, to do so stupidly, because it was inevitable that it would come out.

We know that John McCain is so old that just one overly vigorous handshake could kill him.


We know she believes creationism should be taught in schools (too bad her nomination was announced in Dayton, Ohio rather than Dayton, Tennessee) (oh, look it up).

We know her husband competes in snow machine races.

We know her kids have funny names.

We know that John McCain only met her once before this week. You would hope he wouldn’t pick a secretary of transportation this carelessly, much less a veep.

We know that in the next few weeks we’re going to hear the word “mooseburger” more than we ever thought possible.

Question

Does Sarah Palin know how many igloos she owns?

Doesn’t know

Obama: “Now, I don’t believe that Senator McCain doesn’t care what’s going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn’t know.” Barack, what has McCain ever said or done that makes you think that if McCain did know, he would care?

You don’t know what goes on in combat until you are in combat

Follow-up: In the civilian trial of former Marine Sgt. Jose Nazario for executing two unarmed Iraqi captives and ordering his men to kill two more, the jury evidently bought his defense that “The killings did not occur, but if they did occur, they were justified during the violent, fast-moving battle in Fallujah.” The jury’s forewoman said, “I think you don’t know what goes on in combat until you are in combat.” Maybe if she considered herself incompetent to render a verdict, she shouldn’t have been serving on a jury in the first place.

(Update: she added that the verdict was intended to send a message to the troops: “I hope they realize that they shouldn’t be second-guessed, that we support them and know that they’re doing the right thing.” A trial, any trial, is an exercise in “second-guessing.” Again, if you don’t believe in the legitimacy of the criminal justice process, you shouldn’t be participating. Also: “doing the right thing” – sheesh.)

(Updatier: another juror agreed that a civilian jury shouldn’t have tried this case, saying, “I don’t think we had any business doing that. I thought it was unfair to us and to him.” Which I guess is why she decided not to do it, despite taking the oath and all.)

They’re drilling it for everything it’s worth

From Radio Prague: Shortly after Czech President Vaclav Klaus’s hip-replacement surgery in June, someone was arrested after trying to sell what he claimed was the old hip joint online. Klaus said the body part was not his, but, suspiciously if you ask me, pardoned the man anyway.

Honduran President Zelaya says that in January 2006 the American ambassador tried to get him to give asylum to Cuban terrorist Luis Posada Carriles (note: the linked Miami Herald story says the request was put by former ambassador to Honduras Charles Ford. Ford is in fact the current ambassador to Honduras, and was at the time).

Gore’s convention speech: “big oil has a 50-year lease on the Republican party, and they’re drilling it for everything it’s worth.” Ewwwww.

I was the first to say I would lose a campaign rather than lose a war

Immigration officials are now staking out Head Start centers, following their buses, etc. Bastards.

Go read the amusing McCain interview, in which he reacts to every question like a grumpy five-year old woken up from his nap. Don’t bother listening to it, though; the recording is all airplane noise. The only significant bit not in the article was his claim about Iraq: “It’s a peaceful, stable country now.”