Nothing can go wrong can go wrong can go wrong...

Mitch Benn (British political comedian) on Twitter: “Oh good, we’re part of an international coalition squaring off against a Middle Eastern dictator. That NEVER goes tits up.”

And the UN Security Council giving the US carte blanche to use “all necessary means,” that never goes tits up either.

I’ll admit I don’t understand what the strategy is here. Obama (and lame-duck Secretary of War Robert Gates) seem so unenthused about the whole thing, the implementation of a no-fly zone and an “all necessary means” seem too little, too late to save the Libyan rebels, which just leaves a shaky, pissed-off Qaddafi. I do love the idea that the US is arm-twisting Arab dictators to put their militaries into the fight so that it doesn’t look like another imperialist war-for-oil, because if you really want to fight in defense of freedom and democracy, you call in the Saudis. Just ask Bahrain.

Today -100: March 18, 1911: Of conspiracy theories and easy divorces

Robert LaFollette’s eponymous magazine asks what Taft is really up to in massing troops on the Mexican border, pointing out that Taft’s brother Henry is the president of the British firm Pearson & Sons, the largest financial interest in Mexico. “Is it possible,” the magazine asks, “that the army and navy of the United States are being used as a side show of a gigantic Wall Street gamble?” That’s a trick question, right?

The Nevada legislature passes a bill for easy divorces, without having to prove adultery or desertion or anything, the only requirement being six months residence in Nevada (with provision for leaving the state “when necessary”).

NOTE: On March 28, the NY Times is going to a paywall system, with a max of 20 articles per month unless you subscribe to the print edition or pay them $15 a month. However, it looks like you can exceed the 20-article limit if you click through from search engines, Twitter, Facebook or links in blogs like this one. (I guess the people they most want to inconvenience are those who use their own website, because that makes all sorts of sense). So continue to click through.

Today -100: March 17, 1911: Of the magical pituitary gland, fire trucks, and universal alphabets

The Mexican insurrectos issue their demands (have they really not done this before now?): the 1910 presidential election must be nullified and a new election held, in which Madero is allowed to participate; no mediation by the United States; mayors and state governors to be elected rather than appointed; land reform; free ballots, preservation of individual rights; extension of the school system. Damn hippies.

Headline of the Day -100: “Science May Make Men Taller.” Because they’ve figured out the pituitary gland, or think they have. Prof. Arthur Keith of the Royal College of Surgeons believes that not only might the pituitary be manipulated to control height but also regulate the growth of various parts of the body, er, like the shape of the nose.

The NY Fire Dept is testing the first automotive fire truck. It can pump 700 gallons a minute and travel 30 or 40 MPH, compared to a max of 12 MPH for the horse-drawn ones. Oh, and it’s red.

A Thomas Wheeler proposes the abolition of war through the simple expedient of adopting a universal alphabet, followed by a gradual consolidation of existing languages into just a few.

Unfortunately diverting attention

$1.4m in blood money and CIA spy Ray Davis gets away with shooting two Pakistanis on the streets of Lahore. Or, as Hillary Clinton put it, “the families of the victims of the January 27th incident pardoned Mr. Davis, and we are very grateful for their decision.” She denied that the US had paid any blood money:

Q: Okay. So categorically, the U.S. taxpayer is not paying 2.3 million or whatever it was?

CLINTON: The United States does not pay any compensation.

Q: Did anyone pay compensation at the behest of the United States?

CLINTON: The United States did not pay any compensation.

Er, right.

She also says that Bahrain’s use of violence and imported Saudi troops against protesters is “unfortunately diverting attention and effort away from the political and economic track that is the only way forward to resolve the legitimate differences of the Bahrainis themselves.” Unfortunately diverting attention, the cads!

She also seems to be making the wholly unwarranted assumption that the Bahraini monarchy wants to resolve the legitimate differences of the Bahrainis themselves.

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In other news, the Obama admin wants the power to wiretap suspected infringers of copyrights and trademarks.

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The Daily Telegraph reports the death of Peter Loader, who they say was a “Hostile fast bowler for Surrey and England who took a famous hat-trick against the West Indies.” Honestly, sometimes I think the Brits just string random words together.

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Evidently Glenn Beck today demonstrated how the Japanese nuclear meltdowns are no big deal, using only a wok, a steamer, and a tube of M&M’s.

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The WaPo website redesign eliminated the A section print edition page I used to read the paper. Booo!

Google Reader just added a banner type thing that covers up post titles or anything else at the top of the page, making it unusable in Firefox. Booo!

Blogger has added ability to subscribe to this blog by email (looks like it sends the email once a day, if there’s new content, not whenever I post something). Sign up in the right-hand column. Yay!

Today -100: March 16, 1911: Of military spirit, land reform, and walruses

Adjt. Gen. William Verbeck of the NY National Guard says that the military spirit in America is at a low ebb, and he blames 1) the Carnegie peace fund, 2) the Lake Mohonk Peace Conference, 3) the hostile attitude of women teachers to military drill, 4) the Boy Scouts’ hostility to things military, 5) commercialism and worship of the dollar, 6) the time wasted by social obligations, 7) the hostility of wives to time spent by their husbands on military stuff, 8) the ridicule to which military officers are subjected, 9) the number of fraternal organizations permitted to wear gorgeous military uniforms, to the disadvantage of the plainer ones worn by soldiers, 10) the lack of education of the general public re military affairs.

Mexican President Díaz promises land reform – just as soon as this little rebellion is over.

Some insurrectos sneak into Juarez and blow up the barracks. Guess they don’t want land reform.

Headline of the Day -100: “Warships to Save Walrus.” For realz: Denmark is sending warships to stop Americans hunting the walruses of Greenland into extinction.

We know that four out of five schools in this country aren’t failing

Obama gave a speech about education yesterday at the Kenmore Middle School in Arlington, Virginia. Do you think schools within 10 miles of D.C. ever get tired of being used as backdrops?

TOO MANY: “unfortunately too many students aren’t getting a world-class education today.” He didn’t disclose what the right number of students not getting a world-class education would be.


A LOT OF ARGUMENTS: “There were a lot of arguments for a lot of years. Some people thought if you just put more money into education that would solve the problem. And then the other side thought, money doesn’t matter; what we need is reform. In fact, there were those who argued that we should just dismantle the public education system altogether.” So as part of this everyone’s-to-blame-so-no-one’s-to-blame scenario he’s accepting the premise that part of the problem is that liberals just want to throw money at problems. Dirty fuckin’ hippies.

NOT GIVE YOU ANY OF IT, JUST SHOW IT TO YOU: “So what we’re doing is we’re saying to states [with the “Race to the Top” program], prove you’re serious about reform, and we’ll show you the money.” And we’re saying to the remaining 37 states, “Too bad you weren’t serious enough. Come back in five years and maybe we’ll fund your education then.”

WITH “WINNING TO THE FUTURE” ON THE WALL BEHIND HIM, HE COINS ANOTHER LAME CATCHPHRASE: “it’s not enough to leave no child behind. We need to help every child get ahead.” Except the children in the 37 states that aren’t “serious” about reform. They’ll have to find a way to get ahead all by themselves.


AN ASTONISHING NUMBER: “under the system No Child Left Behind put in place, more than 80 percent of our schools may be labeled as failing... That’s an astonishing number.” He’s easily astonished.

WHAT WE KNOW: “We know that four out of five schools in this country aren’t failing.” Indeed, one of the 80% is Kenmore Middle School itself, he says, revealing Kenmore’s shame to a watching world. But “Kenmore -- Kenmore is thriving. You guys are doing great. You got more work to do, but you’re doing fine. (Applause.)” Oh sure, praise the failing school.

AND VICE VERSA: “We need to make sure some of our best teachers are teaching in some of our worst schools.” Some?

OF COURSE MOST AMERICAN STUDENTS ARE BUBBLE-SHAPED THEMSELVES, SO THAT WORKS OUT: “We don’t need to know whether a student can fill out a bubble.”

FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’LL BE A POP QUIZ ON THIS PHOTO OP TOMORROW: “Now, that doesn’t mean testing is going to go away; there will be testing.” So I guess we do need to know whether a student can fill out a bubble.

JUST AS SOON AS WE’RE DONE BANNING THEIR UNIONS AND ELIMINATING THEIR RETIREMENT FUNDS: “In South Korea, teachers are known as ‘nation builders,’ and I think it’s time we treated our teachers with the same level of respect right here in the United States of America.” Or we could give them decent salaries and benefits, but “respect” is a whole lot cheaper, so yeah, let’s go with that instead.

SURELY THAT’S WHAT THE MINIMUM WAGE LAWS ARE FOR: “we’ve got to start valuing our great teachers.”


GETTING INTO IT: “I don’t know any teacher who got into it for the pay.” Although some pay would be, you know, nice. (Actually, Obama’s budget includes hundreds of millions of your tax dollars for teacher incentive plans, which have never been shown to actually work, so that means, I don’t know, that he thinks it’s a bad thing that teachers don’t get into it for the pay, because they’d do a better job if they did.) (I wonder if Obama is such a mediocre president because there’s no incentive scheme?) “The teachers who are here, you got into it for the kids...” We had a high school English teacher like that, but they (eventually) fired him. “...for the satisfaction of feeling like your [sic!] passing on knowledge that these young people will use and carry on for the rest of their lives.” Except for grammar, obviously.

HEY, THOSE TAX CUTS FOR MILLIONAIRES DON’T PAY FOR THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW: “A budget that sacrifices our commitment to education would be a budget that’s sacrificing our country’s future.”

Fair fight

McCain & Holy Joe Lieberman have introduced a resolution for an immediate no-fly zone in Libya.

In a speech in the Senate yesterday, McCain said of the need for a no-fly zone, “It is Libyans themselves who want to do the fighting against Qaddafi, but they want it to be a fair fight. So should we.” Because if there’s one thing John McCain hates, it’s an unfair fight.

He added that we must immediately recognize the opposition as the sole legitimate governing authority: “Some continue to say that we do not know who the opposition is and thus we cannot assist them. This is ridiculous.” Yes, it is ridiculous to elevate people we do not know.

Today -100: March 15, 1911: Of opera & women smoking

Headline and Opera of the Day -100: “KAISER MAY HAVE URGED ‘TWILIGHT’; But Nevin’s One-Act Opera Is Not Likely to be Given at the Metropolitan This Season.” Kaiser Wilhelm was a big fan of the opera about a teenage girl in love with a brooding, shirtless vampire (Enrico Caruso).

There is a furore in Boston over a planned women’s club that will allow... wait for it... smoking.

A conscious choice to impact Haiti’s elections

The Obama administration takes ownership of another Bush policy: support for the Haitian coup and the exile of President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. Today the State Dept publicly urged him not to return home before the elections, which is said would be “destabilizing” and “could only be seen as a conscious choice to impact Haiti’s elections.” And, er, what exactly is wrong with that? However, spokesmodel Mark Toner declared, “The decision to allow Mr. Aristide to return is up to the Government of Haiti. Under the Haitian constitution, he has the right to return to his country.” If he has a constitutional right to return, how is it “up to” the government of Haiti whether to ban him? Toner is unambiguously signaling that we’d be okay with Haiti continuing the unconstitutional policy of banning Aristide from the country (just as they ban his party from elections). Condi Rice, another supporter of the forced exile of Aristide, couldn’t have said it better.

Today -100: March 14, 1911: Of Senator Buffalo Bill, taxes, and watching in the dark

Buffalo Bill Cody is rumored to want to be Arizona’s first senator.

The Supreme Court upholds the constitutionality of corporate tax law. Taft is delighted.

In Albany, the Children’s Society is demanding a state law for the segregation of sexes in the audiences of motion pictures. And that they be shown with the lights on (the motion pictures, that is, not the sexes).

Teddy Roosevelt writes President Taft (privately) about the Mexican Revolution, offering that if “by any remote chance... there should be a serious war, a war in which Mexico was backed by Japan or some other big powers, then I would wish immediately to apply for permission to raise a division of cavalry, such as the regiment I commanded in Cuba...”

Has anyone made a joke about “P.J.” criticizing forced nudity?

While the firing of P.J. Crowley is certainly ridiculous and counterproductive and stupid, to coin a phrase (or, as Obama would put it, “appropriate and are meeting our basic standards”), since he appended to his remarks about the treatment of Bradley Manning that Manning, who has been convicted of precisely nothing, belongs behind bars, I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for Crowley.

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Obama on Boehner: “I used to think that it was a tan, but after seeing how often he tears up I’ve come to realize that’s not a tan -- that’s rust.”

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Out of curiosity, does anyone know where Japan puts the waste from all its nuke plants?

Today -100: March 13, 1911: Of the Republic of Díaz, the most dangerous game, and suffragettes & Mormons

“Los Angeles horsewoman” (and women’s suffragist) Flora S. Russell broke through the lines of both Mexican and US troops to plant the flag of something called the “Republic of Díaz.” “I wanted to prove that women have the courage of men,” she said.

Mexican Prez Díaz tells the AP that he is completely healthy, that conditions are improving in Chihuahua, and that military operations there do not constitute warfare but “hunting.”

A US Army private, part of the mobilization on the Mexican border, was stabbed in Galveston after his companion made some sort of racist remark in the black part of town. Soldiers responded with a rampage, beating up blacks and Mexicans, and setting a house on fire.

In a “humorous” editorial about Mormon proselytization in Britain, the NYT suggests that English suffragettes should consider emigrating to Utah and becoming polygamous wives because, not having to pay as much attention to their husbands as monogamous wives, they’d have plenty of time for politics.

Today -100: March 12, 1911: Of midnights in Paris, Quakers & tigers, treating, summary executions, censorship, and drawing the line

French standard time was officially set back 9 minutes and 21 seconds, to fall in with Greenwich time. Parisians celebrated the two midnights in cafés and restaurants, because why not? Up until now, French clocks on the outside of railway stations marked the real time, while clocks inside railway stations were five minutes slower. It kept lazy French people from missing trains, or something.

Headline of the Day -100: “Quakers No Match for Tigers.” The University of Pennsylvania and Yale wrestling teams, respectively, not actual Quakers and tigers.

The Anti-Treating Bill passes the Missouri House 82-17. If it passes the senate, it will be illegal to stand a friend to a drink in a bar.

The Mexican authorities will begin summarily executing rebels. Which includes anyone caught in the act of highway robbery, cutting telegraph or telephone wires, or throwing a rock at a train.

One of rebel leader Madero’s spokesmodels claims the Mexican government has a scheme to import 15,000 Japanese veterans of the Russo-Japanese War and settle them along the border prepared to fight off the American Army if the US invades.

Los Angeles District Attorney John Fredericks orders that movies about the Mexican Revolution (fictional ones, not newsreels) be censored because such movies might cause trouble among Mexicans in America.

Commerce and Labor Secretary Charles Nagel gives a speech about immigration to the Republican Club. He says there is a need to “draw the line. If we are to hold aloft the flag of a republican form of government we must see that the people we admit are capable of self-government.” Nagel has absolute authority to send any prospective immigrant back from whence they came.

The German minister of war says that he will not tamper with the “free institution” of the military, by which regiments select their own officers. And since there is – he said it, not me – “widespread anti-Jewish sentiment in the country,” this mean effectively no Jewish officers allowed.

Sen. Reed Smoot (famous much later for the Smoot-Hawley Tariff, but in 1911 famous as the senator from Utah who was kept from taking his seat for four years while the Senate debated whether an “apostle” of the Mormon church could do so) defends a silver service with the portrait of Brigham Young which is to be presented to the battleship Utah. There have evidently been many protest meetings against the silver service (news to me).

Smoot also said he’d welcome an investigation of charges by British Home Secretary Winston Churchill that Mormon missionaries in Britain are trying to recruit girls to emigrate to Utah (where more wives are needed, for some reason).

Obama press conference: Meeting our basic standards

Obama held one of his rare press conferences today.

He began by expressing his condolences to Japan on behalf of the American people (so expect a rebuttal from Mitch McConnell) for the earthquake/tsunami/volcano/Godzilla attack, which he called “a potentially catastrophic disaster”. Potentially?

Then he moved on to a real catastrophic disaster: rising gas prices in the US. But, he says, there is “good news. The global community can manage supply disruptions like this.” If by “manage supply disruptions,” you mean use the excuse of a tiny hiccup in a country accounting for a small percentage of the world oil supply to jack up oil company profits.

He talked about his “commitment to do everything that we can to get gas prices down,” but will he invade Libya and steal their oil? I think not.


I DON’T SEE HOW ANYTHING COULD GO WRONG WITH THAT. He said that domestic oil production is at a high, including in the Gulf of Mexico.

HAVE YOU READ SARAH PALIN’S TWITTER FEED LATELY? “I don’t think anybody has forgotten that we’re only a few months removed from the worst oil spill in our history.”

BY WHICH I MEAN MOONSHINE: “Right now, all across America, our farmers are producing homegrown fuels”.

WHAT WE’VE BEEN HAVING FOR NEARLY FOUR DECADES NOW: “We’ve been having this conversation for nearly four decades now. Every few years, gas prices go up; politicians pull out the same old political playbook, and then nothing changes. And when prices go back down, we slip back into a trance. And then when prices go up, suddenly we’re shocked. I think the American people are tired of that. I think they’re tired of talk.” Oh, wait, they’re not tired, they’re just still in that trance.


IF BY “SLOWLY,” YOU MEAN IMPERCEPTIBLY: “across the board we are slowly tightening the noose on Qaddafi.”

I DON’T THINK “BEING ISOLATED INTERNATIONALLY” IS AS SCARY TO DICTATORS AS AMERICAN PRESIDENTS ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK IT IS: “He is more and more isolated internationally, both through sanctions as well as an arms embargo.”

CONVERSATIONS! A SERIES OF THEM! IF THAT DOESN’T SCARE QADDAFI, I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL. “And what we’ve done is we’ve organized in NATO a series of conversations about a wide range of options that we can take...”

24-HOUR SURVEILLANCE! IF THAT DOESN’T SCARE QADDAFI, I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL. “...everything from 24-hour surveillance so that we can monitor the situation on the ground and react rapidly if conditions deteriorated, to further efforts with respect to an arms embargo, additional efforts on humanitarian aid, but also potential military options including a no-fly zone.” NATO will be discussing that one on Tuesday. No rush, have a nice weekend.

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY HAVEN’T TAKEN ANY OPTIONS OFF THE TABLE, AREN’T THEY JUST BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR LACK OF ABILITY TO MAKE A DECISION? “So the bottom line is, is that I have not taken any options off the table at this point.”

SO WE’RE WATCHING AND WE’RE PAYING ATTENTION. IF THAT DOESN’T SCARE QADDAFI, I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL. It’s important “to continue to find options that will add additional pressure, including sending a clear message to those around Qaddafi that the world is watching and we’re paying attention”.


Mimi Hall (USA Today) asks if it’s an “acceptable option” that Qaddafi not leave. He doesn’t like that question, so he decides he’s being asked if the US would invade Libya, and um, doesn’t answer that question either, even though he asked it of himself.

WHAT RAISES OUR ANTENNA: “And some of the rhetoric that you’ve seen -- for example, the idea that when Qaddafi said that they’d be going door to door hunting for people who are participating in protests -- that implied a sort of lack of restraint and ruthlessness that I think raises our antenna.” Isn’t that exactly what US troops do in Afghanistan? Does that imply a sort of lack of restraint and ruthlessness?

D’UH, WINNING: “We can’t stop investing in infrastructure -- those things that are going to make us competitive over the long term and will help us win the future.”

WHAT IT’S VERY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND: “I think it’s very important, when we think about the budget, to understand that our long-term debt and deficits are not caused by us having Head Start teachers in the classroom.” Not unless we pay them, and Gov. Walker is leading us inexorably towards a slave-based educational system.

AFTER ALL, NO STANDARDS ARE MORE BASIC THAN COMPLETE NUDITY: On Bradley Manning: “I have actually asked the Pentagon whether or not the procedures that have been taken in terms of his confinement are appropriate and are meeting our basic standards. They assure me that they are.” So that’s okay, then.

At the end of it, he was asked by a Japanese reporter about the earthquake/tsunami/volcano/alien invasion/mecha-Godzilla attack in Japan and said, no doubt in calm, measured tones, “I’m heartbroken by this tragedy.”


Naturally, he buried his heartbreak in the only way he knew how, by meeting the Chicago Blackhawks. He got a jersey and a ring and a miniature Stanley Cup, which he held aloft with an expression that clearly betokened his intention to use it to pound his enemies into dust.

Today -100: March 11, 1911: Of new flags, perfect health, aviators, and quitting playwrights

Francisco Madero’s brother Gustavo says the insurrectos will be in Mexico City by Cinco de Mayo. As guests of President Díaz? some smart-ass reporter asks. No, to raise a new flag.

In Yucatan, the rebels capture two (or more) towns. They rename one Madero.

Meanwhile, the 80-year-old Díaz sends a telegram to the NYT that his health is “perfect.”

The German military wants to train pilots and is asking for unmarried lieutenants to volunteer for a two-month flying course, from which it will pick the 60 with the best sight and lowest weight.

Booth Tarkington says he is done writing plays. He never wants to look at a rehearsal again. He will change his mind.

Peter King will totally kickbox radical Muslims

Rep. Peter King (R-Hysteria) says, in an email to his supporters that links to his website which has a video labeled “Rep. King trains at the Bellmore Kickboxing Academy as he gets ready to hold hearings on the radicalization of Muslim Americans,” “I will not back down to the hysteria created by my opponents”. Because Tailgunner Pete is totally against hysteria.


And as King likes to say, “100% of the Islamic terrorists are Muslims”.

Today -100: March 10, 1911: Of explosions and hobble skirts

The NYT says that the “worst feature” of the Mexican Revolution is the Mexican government’s suppression of news.

Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin blows up. That explosives factory turns out to be maybe not such a good idea. The explosion was felt up to 500 miles away, doing $10,000 in damage to plate glass windows on State Street, Chicago alone. Only one person was killed, unlike the 1906 explosion at the plant, in which 9 were killed. There have been 9 explosions there in the last 10 years.

Stupid proposed laws: 1) One in the Connecticut legislature to ban the publication of pictures of policemen or to report on crimes until all suspects in the crime have been arrested. 2) One proposed in the Illinois legislature to ban harem skirts and hobble skirts.

Today -100: March 9, 1911: Of maneuvers and interventions

The British Foreign Office says they did not ask the US to intervene in Mexico to protect British nationals and business interests, as rumors have been claiming.

NYT: “Administration and War Department officials frankly admitted to-day that the ‘manoeuvres’ explanation of the sudden mobilization of an army division in Texas and Southern California strains credulity for acceptance, and then calmly repeated it and declared that it is the real explanation.”

Neither the Mexican government nor the insurrectos want American intervention. In case you were wondering.

Today -100: March 8, 1911: Of “maneuvers”

The US is moving 20,000 troops, one-forth of the entire army, to California and Texas along the Mexican border. Also part of the fleet. The government is claiming that these are just “maneuvers” to demonstrate that the army can be rapidly mobilized and that they have nothing to do with the Mexican Revolution. But what will the troops actually do? Enforce “neutrality” by preventing the movement of rebels and arms back and forth across the border? Engage in a full-scale military intervention? Or wait for the inevitable chaos in the event of the (falsely) rumored imminent death of 80-year-old dictator Porfirio Díaz?

Today -100: March 7, 1911: Of Catholic schools and the death penalty

Catholic bishops in the US announce, in obedience to a 13th-century papal law, that henceforth no absolution will be given to parents who fail to send their children to Catholic schools.

Joseph Cooney of San Francisco murdered his cousin. The next day, he went to observe the California State Assembly as it debated capital punishment; “He showed great anxiety while the vote was being taken.” The vote was 46 to 31 to abolish the death penalty, so Cooney immediately turned himself in to the San Francisco sheriff, who was in Sacramento in his other capacity as a state senator.