Wednesday, March 31, 2004

In the process of being detained, 20 terrorists blew themselves up

On the Daily Show, Richard Clarke said that the Bushies had made many cuts in his book, a fact that has appeared nowhere else that I know of.

So the 9/11 Commission will get to question Rice under oath, but had to agree not to call anyone else from the White House to, say, check on her statements. And they can talk to Bush, but only if Cheney goes with him to hold his hand. And somehow the time limit showed up again. In short, the Commission gave the White House way too much in return for way too little. If the Bushies hadn’t spent a week and half looking so incompetent, one might suspect that this was the plan all along.

George Bush the Elder gives what Reuters calls an “emotional” speech defending his idiot son. “There is something ignorant in the way they dismiss the overthrow of a brutal dictator and the sowing of the seeds of basic human freedom in that troubled part of the world,” he said in an idealistic speech to the annual convention of Amnesty International. No, sorry, it was the National Petrochemical and Refiners Association, I get those two confused.

Wonder how much he was paid to make that speech?

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT: Statement of the Uzbek government: “In the process of being detained, 20 terrorists blew themselves up.”

Bill “Kitty Killer” Frist, who was so upset about Richard Clarke profiting from 9/11 by writing his book, himself wrote a book on the anthrax scare.

Massachusetts will stop marrying non-resident gay couples, having discovered a 1913 law banning the state from issuing marriage licenses to people banned from being married in their own states. And I don’t have to tell you who those people were.

Yesterday Brigadier General Mark Kimmitt, America's deputy director of military operations in Iraq, said that there was only a “slight uptick” in violence. Today, some things were done to American contractors (read: security guards/mercenaries) that McNeil-Lehrer refused to let us see (Arab stations ran the footage without fuzzying it up). Although we did see a lot of very happy Fallujans. See, Cheney and Rumsfeld and so on were right that Iraqis would dance in the streets to welcome Americans...if those Americans are on fire at the time.

I know it’s April 1st, but the story of the chicken-powered plutonium landmine appears in several British sources.

The Bushies illegally used Treasury employees to “analyze” Kerry’s tax plan, claiming it would raise taxes by up to $477b over 10 years on “hardworking individuals and married couples.” I like how the individuals are hardworking (how do they know?), but the couples are just married.

Schwarzenegger reveals that he took the state’s sexual harassment training course and is now much more efficient in his sexual harassment, pinching an average of 15% more butts per day.

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