Bush fully understands the angst, the agony and the sorrow that Afghan citizens feel when an innocent life is lost

Bush had a press conference with Harmid Karzai at Camp David this morning. Karzai spoke in English, Bush spoke in cliché: “He’s watched his country emerge from days of darkness to days of hope.”


As usual, Bush is proud of stuff he didn’t do: “There is still a fight going on, but I’m proud to report to the American people that the Afghan army is in the fight. The government is in the fight and the army is in the fight.” He said this fight will “send a clear message” (Bush is always trying to send clear messages, always failing) “that the governments can help provide an opportunity for children to raise their children in a peaceful world.” Children raising children, how adorable.

Karzai, by the way, had a son just this year. Did you know that?

Bush: “I think our citizens will be interested to know, for example, that 7,000 community health care workers have been trained that provide about 340,000 Afghan men, women and children a month with good health care.” That’s 1% of the Afghan population.

Asked about the Obama Doctrine, that is whether he would act militarily in Pakistan if Musharraf didn’t, Bush evaded: “I am confident that with actionable intelligence, we will be able to bring top al Qaeda to justice. We’re in constant communications with the Pakistan government.”


About the rising numbers of Afghan civilians killed by the US military: “I fully understand the angst, the agony and the sorrow that Afghan citizens feel when an innocent life is lost.” 1) I don’t think he knows what the word angst means, much less fully understands it. 2) He seems to have inadvertently left out of that list another emotion that Afghan citizens feel when an innocent life is lost: pissed off. 3) Not “lost,” killed. 4) Not “an” innocent life, thousands of them.

He added, “The Taliban have no regard for human life.”

Karzai said, “I had a good discussion with President Bush on civilian casualties. I’m very happy to tell you that President Bush felt very much with the Afghan people, that he calls the Afghan people allies in The War Against Terror [TWAT! Karzai must read this blog], and friends, and that he is as much concerned as I am, as the Afghan people are. I was very happy with that conversation.”

Karzai told CNN yesterday that Iran was being helpful in Afghanistan. Bush seems to think otherwise: “And I must tell you that this current leadership there is a big disappointment to the people of Iran.” Man, imagine what it must be like to live in a country whose current leadership is a big disappointment. That must be so... disappointing. “This is a government that is in defiance of international accord, a government that seems to be willing to thumb its nose at the international community and, at the same time, a government that denies its people a rightful place in the world and denies its people the ability to realize their full potential.” At the same time? Is that like patting your head and rubbing your belly?

Really, where can I get me one a those hats?

I wonder where I can get one of those talking monkeys?

Underestimating the depth of the misunderstanding and mistrust

In February I passed on a story in the Sunday Times about a 5-year old Palestinian girl, Marya Aman, whose family’s car was hit by an Israeli rocket, killing her mother, brother and grandmother and turning her into a quadriplegic. The Israeli High Court has now temporarily blocked the attempt of the government to forcibly remove her from her hospital bed in Jerusalem to the West Bank (what’s left of her family lives in Gaza), where the inferior care available might well kill her. So, um, hurrah for the Israeli High Court.

Actually, I had rather assumed that the original story would have embarrassed the Israeli government into acting like human beings. Silly me.

Secretary of War Robert Gates went on Meet the Press today. He continues to be wildly successful in his job, which consists of not being Donald Rumsfeld. He suggested that reconciliation is not going well in Iraq because “I think we, perhaps, all underestimated the depth of the misunderstanding and mistrust among these sections, among these factions in Baghdad over time”. Mistrust certainly, but not misunderstanding: the factions understand each other perfectly well. That is why they mistrust each other.

He says that the “military side of the surge” has been successful, and he offers proof in a not entirely reassuring manner: “There’s one major town – I’m not going to name it because I don’t want it to be a target – but there’s one major town in Anbar that has not had a, an IED explosion since February.”

Asked if the US might act unilaterally in Pakistan, á la Obama, Gates said, “I think we would not act without telling Musharraf what we were planning to do.” So that’s okay then.

“President” Karzai is in Camp David. For the second time in a week, Bush engaged in his favorite game of aiming his golf cart at the press corps, pretending he intends to run them over, with a world leader in the passenger seat (and the First Ladybot, who actually has killed someone with a motor vehicle). Hilarity ensued.



Where can I get me one a those hats?

Meanwhile in Seoul, there was a demonstration demanding that the US negotiate for the return of the Korean missionaries being held and/or executed by the Taliban. One of the demonstrators wins the prize for creepiest mask at a demonstration.

Republican debate: just come home

The Republican presidential candidates debated this morning on ABC, which hasn’t bothered to create a transcript and whose website makes you watch a commercial before every excerpt, which limited the number of excerpts I felt like watching.

Romney said he gets “tired of people that are holier than thou because they’ve been pro-life longer than I have.” Then it’s just as well he’s not trying to get the nomination of a party dominated by holier-than-thou types. Oh wait. McCain said that abortion “has a lot to do with national security... it says very much what kind of a country we are, and our respect for human life.”

Romney said that of course we’ll would send troops into Pakistan unilaterally whenever we feel like it, but Obama shouldn’t have said that out loud, in front of the children. McCain said that we might invade Pakistan but that since such an invasion might result in the overthrow of Generalissimo Musharaf and the establishment of a radical government there we should just not talk about it and hope they don’t notice we’re invading them, like the Cambodians never heard about the “secret bombing” of Cambodia until years later, when they could, you know, laugh about it. Romney, who needs to hire some gag writers whose cultural references come from a decade other than the 1960s, said that Obama had “gone from Jane Fonda to Dr. Strangelove in one week.” “Mein führer, I have the audacity to walk.”


Several candidates meant to say that you needed security before you could have proper democracy, but wound up actually saying that you can have democracy without voting. Giuliani compared Iraq to New York City (only less Jewy), which cowered in fear before he vanquished crime and made the city safe for democracy. Before him, of course, all New York mayors came to power through palace coups, or poisoning their predecessors’ egg cream, or pulling a magic squeegee (called Excalibur) out of the hands of a homeless man (oddly enough called the Lady of the Lake).

Brownback called for a soft partition of Iraq into three parts, just like before World War I. So he intends to re-establish the Ottoman Empire. Sounds like a plan.

Giuliani stole a McCain line (McCain spent the whole debate looking too dazed and dispirited to care all that much) that the D’s in their debates never use the word [sic] “Islamic terrorism,” and this is just political correctness taken too far. Then he upped the ante, coining the term “Islamic extreme terrorism,” which is ever so much worse than Islamic moderate terrorism.


Ron Paul said we should “just come home” from Iraq.

I think we all had the same thought while watching this debate: it would have been so much better if only Jim Gilmore were still in the race.

Bad touch

In other war crime trial news, Priv. Jesse Spielman has been sentenced to 110 years for his role in the Mahmudiya Massacre, in which 14-year-old Abeer al-Janabi was gang-raped, then murdered along with her entire family. Spielman just stood lookout and participated in the cover-up, and so was convicted of conspiracy, arson (of the body), drinking, and... wait for it... “wrongfully touching a corpse,” but got the longest sentence (not that I’m feeling sorry for him, you understand, just noting the capriciousness of the military justice system). He’ll be eligible for parole in 10 years, after serving just 9% of his sentence.

Out of these tragedies can come a better life

On the front page of the Pentagon website this morning I found this picture,


with the caption: “NEW FRIENDS - U.S. Army 1st Sgt. Todd L. Hood, with 4th Platoon, Delta Company, 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo., greets a child while searching homes for weapons in the area of Dora in southern Baghdad, Aug. 1, 2007. U.S. Air Force photo by Master Sgt. Jonathan Doti”

New friends, indeed.

Bush in Minneapolis today, standing in front of a metaphor for his administration collapsed bridge.



He has totally learned the lessons of Katrina and brought aid with all deliberate dispatch: “On behalf of the citizens of America, I bring prayers from the American people to those who suffered loss of life”. So he’s the official prayer-carrier now? He “brings” prayers (in a little wooden box emblazoned with the presidential seal, no doubt), “on behalf” of the citizens of America. “I bring the prayers of those who wonder about whether they’ll ever see a loved one again.” Wonder? Like they’re just kinda curious.

He met that guy who saved the kids. “We have an amazing country, where people’s instinct, first instinct, is to help save life.” Yes, they don’t have that in any other country in the world. “There’s a lot of peoples’ first instincts here in the Twin Cities was to save the lives of somebody who was hurting.” Hurting? He’s so into his “gosh isn’t compassion neato” mode that he’s literally forgotten what sort of disaster occasioned the speech.

Talking the total bullshit some people seem to feel obligated to speak after a disaster, he insisted, “Out of these tragedies can come a better life.” A better bridge would also be nice.

Dude! Yeah, you, second from right, it’s hands over balls, not hands over butt. Get with the program.

Maybe they pluck the bombs with their shiny new yellow reflective belts

The WaPo has a maybe-should-read about the new American policy of authorizing Sunni militias, trying to apply the so-called Anbar model. I get a strong sense of American military types being in way over their heads, not having any idea who the players are as they try to pick through complex local politics and praying that the people they’re backing aren’t lying to them and won’t shoot them the moment their backs are turned. How all this really works in practice has been a mystery to me for a while now, and the article doesn’t help that much:

“The fighters are provided with badges, yellow reflective belts and arrest powers.” How precisely can the US military grant arrest powers to people who are unrecognized by the central government? What happens to people they “arrest”?

When the US talks about signing “security contracts” with sheiks to protect pipelines, are they really just paying protection money? Is anyone else horrified by the sentence, “The military would also pay the sheiks $100 for every bomb plucked off the roadside”?

Plucked?

I’m guessing they have a separate line for reincarnation licenses at the Llasa DMV

Cpl. Marshall Magincalda is sentenced to time served for the murder of Awad the Lame. And demotion to private. Sgt. Lawrence Hutchins III, however, gets 15 years.

Marine Sgt. Major Jeffrey Morin, CentCom’s top enlisted officer, who is already just one letter away from the esteemed title of Military Moron, says the “surge” is working. “They are buying generators -- you don’t buy those unless you have confidence.” Confidence that electrical power for more than a couple of hours a day will never be restored.

Sentence of the day, from a BBC report out of Tibet: “From 1 September, all reincarnations of ‘Living Buddhas’ would need government approval, Xinhua news agency said, citing the State Administration for Religious Affairs.” The original headline for that story in the Times of London, which has sadly been de-snarked since its original posting: “Buddhas Must Get China’s OK to Reincarnate.”

Speaking of reincarnation, what do you have to have done in your previous life to come back as... this?

Wreaking havoc through death (or possibly the other way around)

Bush is now asking Congress not to take its summer recess without giving him the power to conduct surveillance without warrants. Today he went to the FBI building to hold meetings. Important meetings. Meetings about homeland, excuse me, Homeland security and shit. “Just had a beginning of a series of meetings today, and during those meetings it is clear that people around that table fully understand we have no higher duty than to protect the American people.” “It’s important for the American people to understand there are cold-blooded killers who want to come to our homeland and wreak havoc through death. And that’s what we were discussing today.”

There is nothing I could add that would make stuff like “wreak havoc through death” funnier or more absurd than it already is. What’s a blogger to do?

Caption contest, that’s what.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me

Gen. Rick Lynch, Military Moron, says that the enemy in Iraq is “the most vicious enemy we’ve ever seen. He has no respect for human life”. So Lynch will launch a wave of aerial bombing.

Sgt Lawrence Hutchins III has been convicted for the murder of Awad the Lame, but without premeditation, presumably because he and his men killed Awad the Lame after the guy they premeditated murdering wasn’t at home (by the way, none of the 8 were charged with conspiracy to murder that guy). Still, nice to see one member of the death squad convicted of actually killing Awad the Lame, the charge for which everyone else slid, either by acquittal or plea-bargain. Hutchins may have assured his conviction by his reported remark on the night, “Congratulations gents, we’ve just gotten away with murder.” For some reason he was acquitted of kidnapping. Hutchins was also the only defendant who didn’t claim post-traumatic stress.

Wars have repercussions for decades, including lethal ones. Last week several Vietnamese children, three I think, were killed by a 1970s landmine. This week a British man died at 86 from the effects of having been beaten by the Germans when he was a prisoner during World War II.

Public executions return to Iran. Fun for the whole family.

So very disappointed

The Cabinet met this morning, and afterwards GeeDubya did a blow-by-blow for the press: “We talked about the fact that the bridge collapsed”. “We spent a fair amount of time talking about the fact that how disappointed we are that Congress hasn’t sent any spending bills to my desk.”


He complained that Democrat-proposed increases in discretionary spending would amount to $205 billion over 5 years, which he noted “averages out to about $112 million per day, $4.7 million per hour, $78,000 per minute.” But wait, there’s more: “Put another way, that’s about $1,300 in higher spending every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every year for the next five years.” Funny how he never breaks down spending for the Iraq war that way.

The America I know is the last, best hope for that child looking up at a helicopter

Like Trent Thomas, Cpl. Marshall Magincalda has been convicted of conspiracy to murder Awad the Lame, but not of the actual murder and kidnapping or of making a false statement, although unlike Thomas he was found guilty of housebreaking and petty larceny. Both juries (all members of which served in Iraq) seem to have come to agreements to ignore some of the elements of the crime so that they can justify handing down ridiculously light sentences.

Venezuela’s RCTV has finally begun operating as a cable station, only to find that Chavez is going after its license there too, demanding that it register as a “national content provider,” with the obligation to break into its programming to broadcast every one of Hugo Chavez’s four-hour-long speeches.

Barack Obama gave a foreign policy speech today intended to dispel Hillary’s attacks on him as a foreign-policy light-weight (which he is, as is she). I have only read it rather than seen it, but on the page, at least, it is an effective speech, with lots of really good lines. Totally misguided, but you gotta respect the quality of the rhetoric. For example, after 9/11, “Instead, we got a color-coded politics of fear. Patriotism as the possession of one political party. The diplomacy of refusing to talk to other countries. A rigid 20th century ideology that insisted that the 21st century’s stateless terrorism could be defeated through the invasion and occupation of a state.”

Obama effectively rebuts Hillary Clinton, as he’s been doing since the last debate, by linking her approach to that of George Bush: “The lesson of the Bush years is that not talking does not work. Go down the list of countries we’ve ignored and see how successful that strategy has been.” The funny thing about this is that Hillary went into that debate planning to call him “naive and irresponsible” about something, the way Reagan had that “There you go again” line prepared, and this just happened to be the opening he gave her.

As good as the speech is, I’m not sure how big a market there is for it. Are there a lot of people out there who like The War Against Terror (TWAT) but just dislike the way Bush has waged it, who want to pull out of Iraq in order to invade Pakistan? Or, as he calls it, “the right battlefield.”

Some of the rhetoric doesn’t stray far from the Bushian/Cheneyesque. Four times he spoke of the need to “take out” the terrorists. “We are in the early stages of a long struggle.” “Bin Laden and his allies know they cannot defeat us on the field of battle or in a genuine battle of ideas.” They may (questionably) know the former, but they certainly do not believe the latter. “[W]e will not repeat the mistake of the past, when we turned our back on Afghanistan following Soviet withdrawal”. I’m sure I’ve heard Bush say that, and I’ve never been clear exactly what we were supposed to have done.

“In ending the war, we must act with more wisdom than we started it.” Wow, talk about setting the bar low for yourself.

He has some specific proposals, like a world-wide network of secret police to “to take down terrorist networks from the remote islands of Indonesia, to the sprawling cities of Africa.” And a “$2 billion Global Education Fund to counter the radical madrasas”. Oh good, the Christian nation will fund anti-Islamic propaganda, and give education programs a bad name in the Muslim world.

And he will go to Korea. Sorry, does everyone remember that Eisenhower campaigned on a promise that he would “go to Korea,” without quite saying what it is he would do when he got there, play a few rounds of golf for all anyone knew? Anyway, Obama says, “In the first 100 days of my Administration, I will travel to a major Islamic forum and deliver an address to redefine our struggle.” “I will make clear that we are not at war with Islam”. Bush also says that, so I don’t know how impressed the Muslims will be.

His image of non-Americans, which he repeated no fewer than six times, is of a child looking up at a helicopter. We’re in the helicopter. Or we are the helicopter, I don’t know. Foreigners, though, are definitely children in this scenario. “That child looking up at the helicopter must see America and feel hope.” “I will speak directly to that child who looks up at that helicopter, and my message will be clear: ‘You matter to us. Your future is our future. And our moment is now.’” “The America I know is the last, best hope for that child looking up at a helicopter.”

Pakistan, shit, I’m still only in Pakistan.

You don’t have to have everybody on board

Unappetizing headline of the day: “Romania Confronts Huge Meat Pile.” Of course I had to click on it anyway, but really, it wasn’t worth it.

Or possibly the unappetizing headline of the day is this one: “China’s Hairiest Man Seeks Olympic Torch Duty.” There’s a picture. He really is quite hairy.

Cosimo Mele, an Italian MP from the Christian Democrat party whose wife is pregnant with their fourth child, says he deserves credit for calling for an ambulance when one of the hookers in his hotel room overdosed. “Of course I respect Christian values,” he said, “but what has that to do with going with a prostitute? It’s a personal matter.” He is, however, leaving the ChristDems (although not the Italian parliament).

At his confirmation hearings, the alliterative Michael Mullen, chairman-designate of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said yesterday that the US will be in Iraq for “years not months.” Oh good. He also had some stern words for Iraqi politicians, who probably won’t hear them, however, being too busy doing whatever it is Iraqi politicians do when they’re on vacation. Mullen said they “need to view politics and democracy as more than just majority rule, winner-take-all, or a zero-sum game.” On Larry King, possibly at that very moment, Dick Cheney was saying, “Remember, success for a politician is 50 percent plus one, you don’t have to have everybody on board.”

I could relate “you don’t have to have everybody on board” back to Mr. Mele and his two prostitutes, but that would be too easy.

Sort of a weird duck

Message to McNeil-Lehrer reporters, and all reporters, really: stop calling it the “Terrorist Surveillance Program.”

Larry King interviewed Richard Beelzebub Cheney today. Asked him, “do you ever, as an intelligent person, look in the mirror and say, maybe I’m wrong?” That is a silly question. Everyone knows Cheney casts no reflection.

Cheney admitted that the “last throes” line was wrong.

But of course they’re in the last throes now. To prove it, he quotes the O’Hanlon & Pollack op-ed piece from yesterday’s NYT, “not exactly a friendly publication”.

He would not admit to being either in the executive or the legislative branch: “the Vice President is sort of a weird duck”. Duck. With a “d.”


He claims not to remember if he sent Gonzo & Card to harass Ashcroft in the hospital. “I don’t recall that I gave instructions to that effect.” Really, he ordered so many officials to bother so many post-op patients – it’s sort of a hobby of his – that it’s hard to keep track.

He says the letter that Undersecretary of Defense Eric Edelman sent to Hillary castigating her for asking for the details of plans for withdrawal of troops from Iraq was “a good letter.” He says it’s “an important principle” not to tell Congress anything about military operations.

However, he denies Walter Mondale’s charge that he has a “near total aversion to the notion of accountability.” “Fact is, my job has been to serve the President. ... In terms of accountability, I’m accountable to him.” And you can’t get much more accountable than that.

He says the Scooter Libby commutation was “a good outcome.” Because Larry King failed to ask the question, he doesn’t repeat what he told CBS a couple of days ago, that he thinks the jury was wrong to convict.

He says we have to keep Guantanamo open because of people like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: “We need to hold him someplace. He’s held at Guantanamo.” Because we really don’t have any, what do you call them, prisons, here on the mainland. Nope, total dearth of rooms with bars in the United States.

Meditations on technology

FBI and IRS agents searched the home of Sen. Ted Stevens (R-No!) yesterday. Wouldn’t it be funny if they found that the internet really did come into his house through a series of tubes?

In Bush’s radio address Saturday, he called for new wiretapping powers. Terrorists now use disposable cellphones, he said, so obviously we need a disposable Bill of Rights.

The Iraqi Parliament began its summer vacation yesterday. Er, vacation from what?

Does he understand it’s an ideological struggle? And he does. (updated)(the post, not the ideological struggle)

Bush finally met with Gordon Brown, possibly the only person in the world who wants Bush to give him a nickname, because even Gordon Brown finds Gordon Brown incredibly boring. Sadly, in their press conference today, there was no sign of a nickname.


What there was a sign of, is that Bush looked into StinkyBrown’s eyes and saw someone who “understood” everything Bush believes:

[W]e have an obligation, it seems to me, to work for freedom and justice around the world. And I found a person who shares that vision and who understands the call.

He also understands what I know, that if we’re really interested in eradicating poverty, it’s important for us to be successful in the Doha round.

There’s no doubt in my mind that Gordon Brown understands that failure in Iraq would be a disaster for the security of our own countries

And what’s interesting about this struggle -- and this is what I was paying very careful attention to when Gordon was speaking -- is, does he understand it’s an ideological struggle? And he does.

There’s a lot of cynics saying, how dare they; how dare they impose U.S. or Great British values. And what I found was a man who understands that these aren’t Great British and U.S. values, these are universal values.

Indeed, he likes the Great British people precisely because he thinks there’s no such thing as “Great British values”: “But it’s an important relationship primarily because we think the same.”


Of course Brown isn’t just a Great Britisher, he’s a Scotsman, although, according to Bush, “he’s not the dour Scotsman that you described him, or the awkward Scotsman; he’s actually the humorous Scotsman”. Brown recounts that Bush told him of having visited Scotland “at the age of 14, and had to sit through very long Presbyterian Church services in which you didn’t understand a word of what the minister was actually saying. So I think you came to a better understanding of the Scottish contribution to the United Kingdom from that”. Long and incomprehensible. Also: deep-fried Mars bars.

I presume Brown meant Bush couldn’t understand because of the accent, not because he’s stupid. 25 or so years ago, the movie Gregory’s Girl had to be dubbed when it played in America.


IN OTHER WORDS: “I would describe Gordon Brown as a principled man who really wants to get something done. In other words, in my discussions with him last night we spent about two hours over dinner, just alone.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “And so I made the decision to send more troops in, understanding the consequences of failure if we did not do so. In other words, I said I think if we don’t send troops, it’s more likely we’ll fail”.


Brown said, “Terrorism is not a cause, it is a crime, and it is a crime against humanity.” No one ever said terrorism is a cause, it is a method. John Le Carré said, I believe in The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, that politicians in the West like to compare our ideals with the Communist Bloc’s methods, although the two side’s professed ideals were both high-minded and utopian while their methods were both ruthless and nasty.

Brown was very careful not to differ from Bush on the tiniest detail. At one point he accidentally said that “Afghanistan is the front line against terrorism,” reflecting a certain belief in the Labour Party that Britain should drop Iraq and concentrate on the one possibly winnable war. When a reporter brought it up, he denied having said that, claiming, “I think I described Afghanistan as the first line in the battle against the Taliban.” As opposed to Belgium?

(Update: just caught excerpts on the BBC of what it called, with a particularly English – pardon me, Great British – horticultural aptness, the Brown-Bush summit. Brown did not look happy to be there, and did not look like he was trying, like Blair always tried, to be friends with the crazy moron. The BBC noted that none of Bush’s lavish praise of Brown – assuming that saying he understands the world the same way Bush does amounts to praise in the eyes of anyone except Bush – was reciprocated.)

We must reflect on our shortcomings

I can’t believe there isn’t a “Compassionate Misanthropes for Hillary” website yet. Someone get on that.

Another must-read: the LAT on the Iraqi Interior Ministry.

Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe announces that he won’t be stepping down just because his party was rather badly defeated in the upper house elections. As it happens, all those people who voted for other parties didn’t really want those other parties to take power. Rather, “Voters said we must reflect on our shortcomings and refresh the line-up.” He figures a reshuffle should do it. One is reminded of the lessons Bush drew from the 2006 elections, that the voters wanted him to implement the exact same policies, but better. (Update: register their displeasure with the lack of progress, was what he said the voters had done.)

A true compassionate misanthrope, Ingmar Bergman, has died. 89 miserable years. I blame him for Woody Allen not being funny anymore.

What do you mean, “Yahtzee”?

The magic number

Today’s must-read: Mark Benjamin at Salon on the “collateral damage estimate” prepared before air strikes, and why the magic number is 30. Rather too far down in this longish article is that they rarely do the assessments they are supposed to do afterwards to see if they actually killed the number of civilians they had decided in advance was acceptable, a fact which tells you everything you need to know about the Pentagon’s commitment to not killing civilians.

Walter Pincus notes in the WaPo that while Congress just voted again against creating permanent military bases in Iraq, the US military is spending billions of dollars in construction each year without specifying where any of it is going. I’m guessing an 18-million-hole golf course.

Not acceptable in Islam and Afghan culture

Even Republicans know they’d look ridiculous talking about winning the Iraq war. Today McCain said, “We will not allow the United States of America to lose this war.” Like it just can’t happen without his permission.

Speaking of not allowing things, my quote of the day is from Afghan legislator (provincial, I think) Habib Rahman: “When the elders and clerics go to talk with the Taliban, they will explain once again that taking hostages is not acceptable in Islam and Afghan culture.”

You can’t just shoot anybody

Latest revelation from the court-martial of Sgt. Lawrence Hutchins III for the murder of Awad the Lame: it was inspired by a 1999 Willem Dafoe movie I’ve never heard of, “The Boondock Saints,” about some guys in da neighborhood who decide to do the vigilante thing and kill members of the Russian mob. The Onion’s A.V. Club describes it as “Less a proper action-thriller than a series of gratuitously violent setpieces strung together with only the sketchiest semblance of a plot... clearly designed to appeal to heartless armchair sadists.” Much like, well, you know.

The witness who gave us this tidbit, Lt. Nathan Phan, admits that he really did once order Hutchins to choke a prisoner unconscious. Phan, who is testifying in exchange for not being charged with beating up prisoners, agreed that maybe that order contributed to the lawless environment that led to the murder of Awad the Lame.

The Pentagon has been talking a lot about “bottom-up” reconciliation in Iraq. Evidently, while parliament and the Maliki regime may be failing to achieve anything, there’s just boatloads of bottom-up reconciliation, which is conveniently immeasurable – unbenchmarkable if you will – but which they’ll be happy to tell you a few anecdotes about. And Sunni militias, which the US is arming, they count too, because sectarian militias have always been such a force for reconciliation. Says Gen. Petraeus of what either he or the WaPo call these “grass-roots forces,” “This is a very, very important component of reconciliation because it’s happening from the bottom up”. Must be a definition of reconciliation with which I was not familiar.

The Post also checked in with Col. Ricky Gibbs, who is helping Sunnis form militias in Baghdad itself. He was telling some Sunni leaders (however that is defined – the article doesn’t say), “You have the green light. But they have to follow the rules. You can’t just shoot anybody. No vengeance . . . But the bad guys -- I don’t care. Go get them.” See, now they know they can only shoot “bad guys.” I don’t see what could possibly go wrong with that.

I’m not really sure whether the American military types are really so stupid as to believe this is an effective military measure and that these militias in Anbar and now Baghdad will focus their lethal attentions exclusively on “Al Qaida in Iraq,” or if this is a “divide et impera” tactic to put pressure on Maliki and the Shiites – the longer you take passing an oil law, the more guns we’ll give to your enemies.

Sporty exchanges

At the UN, the Palestinian delegation is obstructing a Security Council expression of concern about conditions in Palestine.

The Hamas-controlled Gaza part of Palestine, that is.

The Daily Telegraph, which if you kind of squint at it looks a little like a real newspaper, reports, citing aides to both men, that Maliki has frequent shouting matches with David Petraeus and has demanded of Bush that Petraeus be recalled. AP doesn’t confirm that part, but does report that there have been what Ambassador Ryan Crocker calls “sporty exchanges” (he does not say what sport) (Crocker seems to have invented this phrase).

And Maliki’s spokesmodel responded with great tact to the demands of the Iraqi Accordance Front, a Sunni party threatening to pull out of the cabinet, accusing them of “threatening, pressuring and blackmail” in an attempt to “bring Iraq back to the time of dictatorship and slavery.”

Maliki especially dislikes Petraeus’s new policy of arming Sunni militias, and the Iraqi Accordance Front especially dislikes the presence of Shiite militiamen in the Iraqi military.

I’m going to play like I understand what all that means

Because the Dalai Lama has pronounced against the wearing of fur, the Chinese government has ordered that anyone attending a horse-racing festival in Tibet is required to wear fur.

Today Bush presented National Medal of Science and Technology awards, in the greatest collection of geeks and nerds in the White House since Jimmy Carter dined alone. They all had to bow their heads before their Chimpish Overlord.


Said Bush, “In a single room, we have thinkers who helped formulate and refine the Big Bang theory of the universe, the bootstrap re-sampling technique of statistics, the algebraic K-theory of mathematics. I’m going to play like I understand what all that means.” Dude, that’s taken as read for every single sentence you say, including “Mommy, I went poop now” this morning.

He called for “creat[ing] an ‘adjunct teachers corps’ of math and science professionals all aiming to bring their expertise into American classrooms. It’s not really what the aim is -- the aim is to make it clear to young Americans that being in science and engineering is okay; it’s cool; it’s a smart thing to do.” Why, someday you might get to stand next to a president of the United States with an IQ more than 100 points lower than yours. Isn’t that cool?

Staying strong when it comes to liberty as a transformative agent to bring the peace we want

Bush gave a speech today at something called the American Legislative Exchange Council (evidently a group of right-wing state legislators).

He told them, “I believe in that old Texas adage, if you don’t stand for something, you don’t believe in anything.” Or possibly vice versa. I’m pretty sure that’s not an old adage from Texas or anywhere else.

He says that a $2,200 tax break means a lot to the farmer “out there who’s worried about making crop”. Well, if he’s making crop rather than growing crops, that could be the problem right there.


IN OTHER WORDS: “Since August of 2003, when these tax cuts took full effect, we’ve increased new jobs by 8.2 million. In other words, people are working.”

IN OTHER WORDS: On Democrats in Congress: “In other words, they’re now in charge; it’s important that they exercise their responsibility.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, Tommy, we’ll be driving pickup trucks that may not be running on gasoline.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “We were attacked by a group of ruthless killers who have an ideology. In other words, they believe something.”

THE EVER-POPULAR, DEATH-DEFYING DOUBLE IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there wasn’t enough security at the time -- in other words, enough confidence in the security at the time amongst the Iraqi people to be able to stop people from fighting each other.”

He wants the Pentagon budget passed before any of the other appropriations bill, and before the August recess. “We got troops in harm’s way.”

He wants to do something about earmarks, which these time he didn’t call entitlements, because – and see if you can read this without laughing – “I believe in accountability when it comes to spending your money. We want there to be transparency.”

He reiterated his belief that “some unbelievable technologies,” “optimistic things that are coming” will take care of all our energy and environmental problems without anybody having to change their lifestyle or – heaven forfend – drive a vehicle that looks like a golf cart. “I mean, we’ve got a comprehensive plan that says, technology and free enterprise can help us achieve energy independence. That’s what we want.”

“You know, one of the real problems we have in America is an achievement gap. I guess that’s a fancy word for saying that generally Anglo kids are doing better in the basics than African American or Latino kids.” He thinks “achievement gap” is one word. Excuse me, achievementgap. Say, that is a fancy word.

The achievementgap is a problem because “The economy is going to demand brain power as we head into the 21st century”. Sure, because we’ll be fueling those vehicles that don’t look like golf carts...with brains. “It’s people! Chevron Green is made out of people!!”

I’ve been cutting down on the number of Bush grammatical mistakes I point out in each of these Bush-speech posts, because it just gets long and tedious, with all the subject/verb agreement issues and the dropped articles, but who can resist when the subject is education: “When you find an inner-city kid that may not have the right curriculum to get he or she up to the grade level at the 4th grade, let’s solve it now”.


And, of course, he spoke about The War Against Terror (TWAT). “When I talk about a caliphate that stretches from Spain to Indonesia, that means that they want to impose their ideology on people.”

And what would such a caliphate be like? “Well, I just want you to remember -- think what it would be like to be a young girl growing up in Afghanistan, when they were able to find their safe haven and impose their vision across that country.” Note that he thinks Afghanistan was ruled by Al Qaida.

“These people, they’re smart, they’re tough, and we need to be tougher every single day.” Evidently we don’t also need to be smarter than them. Hate for George to strain something.

“See, they understand when they fill our TV screens with death and misery it causes a compassionate people to recoil.” Also, any stories about Lindsay Lohan. “They know that we value human life, and therefore, when they take human life it affects how the American people feel.”

He carefully analyzes these wannabe tv producers: “And then this enemy -- and the enemy, by the way, is comprised of people who wish they were still in power, disgruntled militia that are trying to make -- see if they can’t take advantage of some chaos. But the enemy that is causing the biggest spectaculars is al Qaeda.”

He says there is a debate in Washington, “well, is the al Qaeda in Iraq have anything to do with the al Qaeda that’s hiding out somewhere in the regions of Afghanistan and Pakistan? There’s some actually who say, well, they’re different”. George, of course, thinks differently: “And they have sworn allegiance to Osama bin Laden, and they agree that Iraq is the central part of this war on terror, with Osama bin Laden. And they agree with his ambition to drive us out so they could have a safe haven from which to plot further attacks. Yes, al Qaeda in Iraq is dangerous to the United States of America. They blew up the holy shrine. They saw the progress being made; they can’t stand the thought of a free society that will thwart their ambitions, and they blew up the shrine.” I’ve been trying to decide whether to call this strategy of obfuscatory revisionism 1) rebunking or 2) embunkening. What do you think?


“It’s really interesting to watch this counterinsurgency strategy work. I mean, when people on the ground begin to have confidence, they, all of a sudden, start making good decisions for a state that will represent their interests.”

There were a couple of other “All of a sudden”s. That’s one of his phrases that you don’t hear for a while, then he can’t shut it off. “Then all of a sudden, you begin to get a sense of our strategy on how to handle the deficit...” “And all of a sudden, we put more Marines in, the people saw things change on the ground...”

George has a curious faith in the power of motherhood, considering the hell-beast who spawned him: “See, I believe most Muslim mothers, for example, want their child to grow up in peace. I believe there’s something universal about motherhood. I don’t think mothers in America think necessarily different from mothers in Iraq. I think the mother in Iraq says, gosh, I hope for the day when my child can go outside and play and not fear violence”. What’s the Arabic for gosh?

BEGIN THE BEGUINE: “And when people begin to see that these thugs that have a dark vision begin to get defeated, people begin to change attitudes.”

WHO IS MORE CONFUSED IN THIS SENTENCE, BUSH, AL QAIDA IN IRAQ, OR MANY EXPERTS? YOU BE THE JUDGE: “Last November, many experts said that Anbar province, which al Qaeda in Iraq has stated as their -- that they wanted as a safe haven -- this was going to be where they were going to launch their caliphate from -- they said, we can’t win there.”

“Now, I know that the car bombs that take place tend to cloud people’s vision.” Is that how The Shadow did it? I always wondered.

If you’re counting the pop cultural references in this post, that’s Soylent Green, Lindsay Lohan, Cole Porter, and The Shadow. I’m nothing if not versatile.

“See, unlike some wars, this enemy wouldn’t be content to stay in Iraq.” Well, sure, have you seen Iraq lately? “They would follow us here.... They’re dangerous in Iraq, and they’ll be dangerous here.”

And he concluded: “But I would remind you, in the long run, the best way for your children and grandchildren to be able to say that when given a tough task, this generation didn’t flinch, and had certain faith -- had faith in certain values -- is that we stay strong when it comes to liberty as a transformative agent to bring the peace we want.”

And then he went home for the Special Olympics Global Law Enforcement Torch Run Ceremony. No idea what that is. I’m thinking Don Knotts in the Andy Griffith Show and Murray the Cop in The Odd Couple. Caption contest:

A proud moment for George W. Bush

Tony Blair says there is a “sense of possibility at the moment” in the Middle East. He does not say if there is a possibility of sense.

Lance Cpl Stephen Tatum said (not under oath) at his hearing that during the Haditha Massacre, he killed civilians in their home because he didn’t know that there were civilians in civilian homes: “I didn’t know there was women and children in that house until later.” In fact, he had another word for them: “I really couldn’t make out more than targets.” He said that if he had known, “I would have physically stopped everybody in that room from shooting.” However, witnesses have testified that he was told, gave an order to kill them, then went back and did it himself. Also, last year he told investigators, “targets women and kids can hurt you, too.”

And in the court-martial of Sgt. Lawrence Hutchins III, the mastermind behind the abduction and murder of Awad the Lame, we are told that he hatched the plan after hearing that another squad had kidnapped and murdered a suspected insurgent and got away with it. Hutchins’s lawyer says that at the time he was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder and poor leadership. For example, he was once ordered to choke a prisoner into unconsciousness.

According to the NYT, every week or two Bush calls up Maliki and they have a drunken discussion about God, or something.

Bush held a little photo op as he received the report from Donna Shalala and Elizabeth Dole on the medical treatment of wounded soldiers. “And so they took a very interesting approach. They took the perspective from the patient”. Also present, Bob Woodruff of ABC, who was injured in Iraq. Bush told him, “Congratulations on the will to recover.”

Bush’s handlers decided that he should celebrate that report and demonstrate his commitment to the wounded by going jogging with two of them.


Afterwards, he said, “Running with these two men is incredibly inspirational for me.” So it was all worth while.


“And it should be inspirational to anybody who has been dealt a tough hand.” No, no, George, it’s their legs that are made of metal, their legs.


He added, “It’s a proud moment for me, a proud moment.” It was unclear what he felt he had to be proud of.

There’s a good reason they are called Al Qaida in Iraq

This morning, Bush was thrilled – maybe a little too thrilled – to be going on a little field trip.


In the company of a wax replica of Lindsey Graham, Bush visited Charleston Air Force Base and toured the cargo loading operations or, as he put it, “Nice big airplanes carrying a lot of cargo.”


He gave a speech devoted to playing up the role of Al Qaida in Iraq and to denying “that the organization called al Qaeda in Iraq is an Iraqi phenomenon, that it’s independent of Osama bin Laden and that it’s not interested in attacking America.” “That would be news to Osama bin Laden,” he said. So that’s one guy totally out of touch with reality defending his delusions by quoting another guy totally out of touch with reality.


And, of course, there’s the Oath. “It’s hard to argue that al Qaida in Iraq is separate from bin Laden’s al Qaida, when the leader of al Qaida in Iraq [Zarqawi] took an oath of allegiance to Osama bin Laden.” And you took an oath to uphold and defend the constitution of the United States, but that didn’t turn out to mean very much, now did it?

Last week, the Pentagon was claiming that the Iraqi head of AQI, Umar al Baghdadi, never existed. Today, Bush said Baghdadi is “only an actor.” Possibly Fred Thompson.

Bush’s logic is impeccable: “They know they’re al Qaida. The Iraqi people know they are al Qaida. People across the Muslim world know they are al Qaida. And there’s a good reason they are called al Qaida in Iraq: They are al Qaida ... in ... Iraq.” Also, there’s a good reason it’s called Alice in Wonderland. Just saying.


More of his diamond-cutter logic: “Yet despite all the evidence, some will tell you that al Qaida in Iraq is not really al Qaida -- and not really a threat to America. Well, that’s like watching a man walk into a bank with a mask and a gun, and saying he’s probably just there to cash a check.” Er, how is it like that?

So to summarize, the war in Iraq is not a distraction from the fight against terrorism: “We are fighting bin Laden’s al Qaida in Iraq.”


As Bush is now portraying the war, Iraq itself is more or less irrelevant to the war taking place in it, as are the Iraqi people, so it doesn’t matter if they never get their shit together, achieve a single benchmark, or if the Iraqi parliament ever comes back from its August recess.

Democratic debate: You can now, John, go to Hanoi and get a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cone

Transcript.

Personally, I think if they were going to have a YouTube debate, the candidates should have had to respond to whatever the top 10 YouTube videos were today. We need to know what Kucinich thinks of the cat who plays the piano, what Christopher Dodd thinks of the trailer for the Simpsons movie, and everybody’s opinion of Jessica Biel’s butt.

Hillary is asked if she’s a liberal. She prefers the word progressive, which has “a real American meaning,” or did right up until the moment when she appropriated it and emptied it of any meaning.


Asked to demonstrate their bi-partisanship by naming a Republican they could choose as their running mate, if they were running for president in a wacky sitcom shown only on YouTube, Biden says Chuck Hagel. Sadly, no one else is asked. At the risk of sounding like those knuckleheads at unity08.com, where I’ve seen people seriously propose that Obama and McCain run together, what Republican would be a good – and by good of course I mean amusing – veep for Hillary, Edwards, or whomever? Include an explanation if necessary. And no fair everybody suggesting David Vitter for Hillary.


Reparations for black people (actually, “is African-Americans ever going to get reparations for slavery?” I guess no one posted a video on the subject using grammatical English, huh CNN?): Barack does not take the opportunity to mention that he probably wouldn’t qualify because his ancestors weren’t slaves. Kucinich is the only candidate who supports them (though he doesn’t say how much), making him the instant frontrunner among former slaves, assuming he wasn’t already.

Obama, in a haircut that makes his ears look huuuuuge from certain angles, says he is authentically black because he can’t get a cab in Manhattan.


Hillary says she is authentically female. We’ll take her word for it.

Edwards says he is authentically pretty.

Two underlit lesbians ask if the candidates would let them marry... each other. Kucinich says yes, making him the instant frontrunner among underlit lesbians, assuming he wasn’t already. Dodd says civil unions yes, marriage no. Ditto Richardson, with full marriage rights. Edwards says it is a very difficult issue for him. Poor baby.


Asked about Darfur, Biden said, “Those kids will be dead by the time the diplomacy [Richardson talked about diplomacy] is over. I’m not joking.” Thank you for clearing that up.

Gravel says the Vietnam War was in vain because you can buy a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cone in Hanoi. Ho Ho Ho Chi mint. Let’s see, 55,000 American lives divided by 31 flavors...

Wait, doesn’t that mean we won? Otherwise, Baskin-Robbins here would have only one flavor, rice.

Obama says that troops never die in vain.


Everyone says women should register for the draft. Asks Gravel, who you’d really think would have found out at his age, “What’s the difference?”

Hillary is asked if Arab leaders would take her, a woman, seriously. Yes, she says, pretty much everyone finds me scary.


The candidates are asked if they sent their children to public or private schools, and whether they told their children about sex with medically-correct and age-appropriate terms. Hillary said she just handed Chelsea a copy of the Starr Report.

A video from someone in their bathroom in wacky Berkeley (which CNN spells Berkely) asked something about compact flourescent bulbs. Edwards said their harsh light takes away from his prettiness. Yes, I’m totally making up the answers now. I lost interest about the time they were asked who their favorite teachers were.


I couldn’t quite see, but it looked like they all raised their hands when asked if they flew to the debate on a private jet, except Gravel, who took the train. Obama says he would have taken a cab from Manhattan, but, well, you know.

Asked about health care, Edwards talked about his three-day Poverty Tour (evidently you can see all of it in three days, if you’re using a private jet), in which he met a guy who couldn’t talk until he got his cleft palate repaired when he was 50. Everyone looked at Biden and sighed, for some reason.


A scary man asked if they would take away his semi-automatic (which he called his baby). Biden said yes. He will be missed.

I set the recorder for 5 minutes overtime but they went longer still. Just as it cut out, Edwards was criticizing Hillary’s coat. He will be missed.

A question of national dignity

Hugo Chavez asks, “How long are we going to allow a person -- from any country in the world -- to come to our own house to say there’s a dictatorship here, that the president is a tyrant, and nobody does anything about it? ... It cannot be allowed - it is a question of national dignity.” So he promises to expel any foreign national who criticizes him. That’ll show ‘em he’s not a tyrant.

Also, he said that his proposal to abolish term limits applies only to his office, because he is involved in “national integration,” and not to mayors, governors, etc, because what they do is partisan politics.

Weird-ass headline of the day

“Bush Reclaims Powers After Colonoscopy.”