Saturday, October 09, 2004

Who is more important

Made-up quotes are in red.

15 of 16 presidential candidates in Afghanistan’s elections today denounced the election process when indelible ink put on voters’ thumbs to prevent fraud turned out to be rather easily, uh, delible. Karzai dismissed their complaints, asking “Who is more important, these 15 candidates or the millions of people who turned out today to vote,” waiting for hours “in the dust and snow and rain” in order “to participate in a complete bloody farce.”

The UN Security Council passed the Russian resolution for creating a list of terrorist organizations, speeding up extradition and imposing travel bans. Expect many loud battles over what groups are or are not terrorist. US ambassador to the UN John Danforth says that “the deliberate massacre of innocents is never justifiable in any cause,” adding, “unless you, like, totally accidentally, bomb a wedding or something. That’s cool.”

In unrelated news, US planes bombed a wedding in Fallujah. The US has never admitted that the last wedding we bombed (in December, I believe) was actually a wedding, so we’ll see how long they can claim that this was a Zarqawi hideout. Forever, would be my guess. He was probably hiding in the cake. 11 members of the wedding party were killed, including the groom.

The Bush campaign’s email to my cat says: “President Bush won a decisive victory last night. The President dominated the debate with impassioned, thoughtful and concise arguments that left Kerry looking petty and defensive as he sputtered out tired, false political rhetoric and distortions that shattered his credibility and contradicted the Senator’s 20-year record of being on the wrong side of history on national security and domestic policy.” It goes on to quote from emails sent to the campaign from...hey, they’re all from swing states, what a coincidence!... such as “You were awesome,” “You are my winner tonight.” The only quote from Bush himself is the “You can run, but you can’t hide” line, which Atrios and others have pointed out Bush also liked to use about Osama bin Laden.

I was about to say that despite walking with sticks and being 6’4”, Osama seems to be running and hiding perfectly adequately, when it hit me that John Kerry is also 6’4”. So that’s where Osama’s been hiding all this time! Right in plain sight. Oh, he’s good.

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