Saturday, April 29, 2006

We comply because we are democratic

The Jesusy version of “I Will Survive.”

Berlusconi is finally willing to concede the elections, sort of: “We comply because we are democratic, but inside ourselves we remain convinced that the majority prize has been wrongly assigned.” You know what people who “are democratic” don’t usually use? The royal “we.”

Bush in his Saturday radio address hailed the establishment of what I guess they’re going to keep calling Iraq’s “national unity government” (NUG) (I’m trying for a meme on that acronym).

He said, “This is an important milestone on the road to democracy in Iraq,” which is an adaptation of an old Iraqi saying, often attributed to Hammurabi, “The road to democracy is paved with... Look out! An IED! (BOOM!!)”

And he said, for like the 983rd time, that the violence of the enemy comes from desperation (I wrote in August ‘03: “Yeah, it’s a sign of desperation if they attack us, a sign of boldness and resolve if we attack them, yeah yeah yeah.”). You normally think of despair as an emotion that doesn’t last for years and years.

Speaking of desperation, Tony Blair seems to be having a bad week, from Home Secretary Charles Clarke failing to deport foreign criminals after their sentences, some of whom committed more crimes (a woman raped by one of them is calling for Clarke’s resignation), to the health secretary being heckled by nurses, to the mistress of Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott (who once punched a guy in the face during an election: he’s like Dick Cheney with gun control) selling her story to the tabloids (they had sex right after an Iraqi war memorial service, tut tut tut) (there’s Prescott behind the Blairs, and the mistress on the far right).

Also, cannabis with “a street value of 85 pence” was discovered in the home of the defense secretary. The Sunday Times is displaying the edifying signs of the British press when it smells blood. Some of its headlines: “The Week from Hell for the New Labour Project,” “And It’s Going to Get Worse,” “A Government on Borrowed Time,” “Focus: Going Down.” Although another story suggests that the problem with the foreign convicts was that the tabloids and the Tories whipped up a xenophobic frenzy against asylum seekers, to which Blair responded in his usual managerialist style by setting targets to reduce their number by half, so the Home Office simply stopped trying to deport foreign felons who might claim asylum to prevent being deported.

The Independent on Sunday’s three editorials are “Charles Clarke Must Go,” “Patricia Hewitt Must Stay,” and “John Prescott... Must We?”

Here’s a picture of Blair and Prescott I rather like.

Fortunately, the Tory party is still run by ineffectual losers, who this week have been trying to portray themselves as environmentalists. For example, Conservative Party chair Francis Maude is urging Brits to pee on their compost. There’s probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

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