Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A lack of confidence that must be conquered

Today Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced his latest plan for spending that blank check Congress gave him: buying equity in banks, including more or less healthy ones, in the hope that they’ll use the money for the greater good. What do we get for the $250 billion he’s planning to spend in this endeavour? Confidence! “Today, there is a lack of confidence in our financial system, a lack of confidence that must be conquered because it poses an enormous threat to our economy.” So it’s time for another episode of Everything You Need To Know About How Confident You Should Be In The Economy You Can Tell By the Expression on Henry Paulson’s Face.

I FEEL MORE CONFIDENT ALREADY: “Government owning a stake in any private U.S. company is objectionable to most Americans, me included.” Because the past record of Bush appointees running government programs to whose existence they have ideological objections is just so confidence-inspiring.

REALLY, JUST SO MUCH MORE CONFIDENT: “We are acting with unprecedented speed taking unprecedented measures that we never thought would be necessary.” Because having the people who never saw the problem coming beforehand acting with “unprecedented speed” in responding to it is just so confidence-inspiring.

Meanwhile, George Bush picked out an appropriate cup to fill with tequila to “build mah confidence until ah puke.”

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