Friday, January 27, 2012

Republican Debate: You have to be realistic in your indignation / Trapped in a linguistics situation

Yeah, yeah, I’m late. And I couldn’t decide which quote to use in the post title.


PEOPLE COME TO THIS COUNTRY. First up: immigration! Santorum: “We are a country of laws. People come to this country. My grandfather came to this country because he wanted to come to a country that respected him.” Although it was his grandson who really made a name for himself.

He continues, “I’m someone who believes that - that we need immigration. We are not replacing ourselves.” More frothy mixture!

Gingrich: “I don’t think grandmothers and grandfathers will self-deport.”

Romney explains the self-deportation thing. People wouldn’t be able to find work (unless they worked off the books, exposing them to even more exploitation and abuse)(or were forced to turn to crime)(but those things would never happen, so, finding themselves completely broke, they’d catch a plane, one of those free ones, back to their country of origin).

Gingrich: “grandmothers and grandfathers aren’t going to be successfully deported. We’re not - we as a nation are not going to walk into some family - and by the way, they’re going to end up in a church, which will declare them a sanctuary.”

I PREFER TO BE INDIGNANT IN MY REALISM: Gingrich: “We’re not going - and I think you have to be realistic in your indignation. I want to control the border. I want English to be the official language of government. I want us to have a lot of changes.”

SKILL AND VITALITY AND VIBRANCE: Mittens says Gingrich calling him the most anti-immigrant candidate (in an ad) is “simply inexcusable.” After all, his father was born in Mexico (and never learned a word of Spanish, like everyone in the Mormon colony)(which is like a Moon colony, but blander)(and the cheese is Velveeta instead of green cheese). He says “I want people to come to America with skill and vitality and vibrance.” I don’t know what there is about the Republican nomination process that would make him think America needs to import skill and vitality and vibrance.

TRAPPED IN A LINGUISTICS SITUATION (WORST LIFETIME MOVIE EVER): Romney says he never saw his own ad and doubts it’s his ad, saying that Gingrich called Spanish the language of the ghetto, which Gingrich says he didn’t say (he did) but “my point was, no one should be trapped in a linguistics situation where they can’t go out and get a job and they can’t go out and work.”

Ron Paul calls for trade with Cuba.

NO MEANS NO: Paul: “Unfortunately, sometimes we slip up on our standards and we go around the world and we try to force ourselves on others.”

“NECESSARILY”? Paul: “I don’t think the nations in South America and Central America necessarily want us to come down there and dictate which government they should have.”

Santorum says Obama sided with Castro and Chavez in supporting President Zelaya of Honduras during the completely justified 2009 coup. (If you need a reminder, read my posts about the coup. Obama gave the mildest of tut tuts, never said that Zelaya should be allowed to return.)

Wolf seems to have done some googling during the commercial break and says that “language of the ghetto ad” was indeed one of Romney’s and he even did the “and I approved this ad” thing and everything.

IS THAT HOW MORMONS SAY SOMEONE FARTS A LOT? Romney on Gingrich working for Freddie Mac: “we should have had a whistle-blower and not horn-tooter.”

Then there’s the rich-guys-comparing-their-portfolios section of the debate. Gingrich reveals that Romney (gasp, horror) used to own shares in Fannie & Freddie (that always sounds like characters in a Jeeves & Wooster story to me) and Goldman Sachs. Romney says his trustee bought those and they were mutual funds and bonds, not stocks, which is really just like a US savings bond, and that Gingrich (gasp, horror) also has investments in Fannie & Freddie.

IN THIS SCENARIO, NOTE THAT GINGRICH IS NOT THE GIANT ELEPHANT: Gingrich: “compare my investments with his is like comparing a tiny mouse with a giant elephant.”

What do you think of this, Ron Paul? “That - that subject really doesn’t interest me a whole lot.”

But Paul says Fannie & Freddie “should have been auctioned off right after the crash came.” Yes, sell off government assets at their lowest possible valuation.

Gingrich says Blitzer asking him whether he’s satisfied with Romney’s disclosure of last year’s tax returns is “a nonsense question.” Dude, you’re the one who kept bringing it up the last couple of debates. He continues, “Look, how about if the four of us agree for the rest of the evening, we’ll actually talk about issues that relate to governing America?” There are few sights in American politics as absurd as that of Newton Gingrich pretending to seize the high moral ground.

THERE’S A TIME AND A PLACE: Blitzer quotes Gingrich’s own words on Romney’s tax returns back to him. Gingrich: “I did. And I’m perfectly happy to say that on an interview on some TV show. But this is a national debate”. Romney: “Wouldn’t it be nice if people didn’t make accusations somewhere else that they weren’t willing to defend here?” There are few sights in American politics as absurd as that of Twitt Romney pretending to seize the high moral ground.

Romney says his having had a Swiss bank account is not at all suspicious, his trustee was just diversifying his investments. And “Speaker, you’ve indicated that somehow I don’t earn that money. I have earned the money that I have. I didn’t inherit it. ... I’m proud of being successful.”

Santorum says we shouldn’t tax the rich because trickle down blah blah blah.

MAYBE IT’S NOT A SOLUTION, BUT IT WOULD BE FUN TO HEAR THEM SQUEAL: Ron Paul wants to get rid of the 16th Amendment, because if you have income taxes you can afford a welfare state (“and if you have a welfare state, no matter whether the welfare state is designed to help the poor, you know, the welfare system helps the wealthy”) and policing the world. Says Reagan taxed too much, the fucking liberal. Taxing the rich “is not a solution.”

Blitzer: Ron Paul, you’re really old; are you going to die soon? Paul: “I’m willing to challenge any of these gentlemen up here to a 25-mile bike ride any time of the day in the heat of Texas.” Noon, Gingrich, bike shorts, slightly too-small bicycle. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

Then Paul warns Blitzer that “there are laws against age discrimination, so if you push this too much, you better be careful.” See, there is a type of discrimination he’s in favor of the state trying to prevent. Who knew?

MOST PHALLIC ROCKET? Romney would not build a moon colony because it would be too expensive. Gingrich says we could do it by offering prizes.

He wants an American on the moon “before the Chinese get there,” adding, “I mean, have you seen how tacky most Chinese restaurants are?” But his program “would probably end up being 90 percent private sector,” so it would all be done by Chinese child labor anyway.

HE LIKES FIRING PEOPLE: Romney: “If I had a business executive come to me and say they wanted to spend a few hundred billion dollars to put a colony on the moon, I’d say, ‘You’re fired.’” And, by implication, Romney just fired Gingrich.

Ron Paul would send some politicians to the moon, ha ha. Possibly on a bike.

A woman says she’s unemployed and can’t afford insurance. Ron Paul this is the fault of Medicare. Because it raises the cost of health care by making it possible for more people to actually get it. Demand and supply, you know. Moron.

AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP: Gingrich wrote a book which “calls for you and your doctor and your pharmacist and your hospital have a relationship.”

JUST LIKE BARACK OBAMA: Then follows the 53rd iteration of Romney being forced to explain Romneycare while Santorum snipes at him – “And you have a pre-existing condition clause in yours, just like Barack Obama.” Romney denies that Romneycare is a government-run plan, then accuses Obamacare of being a government-run plan. Paul repeats that back in the good old days there was no Medicare or Medicaid, and everybody lived forever and rode bikes in the heat of Texas all day and night.

Which Hispanic would you put in your cabinet? Santorum sucks up to Marco Rubio. Gingrich more or less says that Rubio would be his running mate. He & Romney are able to name several Hispanics they like, Paul is not (I guess they don’t have any in Texas).

Why would your wife be the bestest First Lady ever? Ron Paul: she wrote a cookbook. Romney says his wife battled breast cancer and MS, a degenerative disease, “successfully.” Gingrich says all 3 of the candidates’ wives who are present today would be terrific first ladies, and I can’t think of a single joke to make about that. He says that Callista plays the French horn (I’ll bet she does, I’ll bet she does). Santorum says that his wife was a neo-natal intensive care nurse and then a lawyer and then married him and “gave that up” to have lots and lots of babies, like Jesus intended. And she wrote a book on manners.

THE ROMNEYBOT ATTACK MACHINE 3000: Gingrich: “Well, it’s increasingly interesting to watch the Romney attack machine coordinate things.”

OF COURSE NOT; THEY’RE IN THE CLOSET: Paul: “And people - I don’t think they see a Jihadist under the bed every night.”

Cuba. Oh, I think you can pretty much guess what they all said.

Middle East. Romney: “the Israelis would be happy to have a two-state solution. It’s the Palestinians who don’t want a two-state solution. They want to eliminate the state of Israel.” Obama saying that the 1967 borders are the starting point of negotiations is “throw[ing] Israel under the bus”. Gingrich repeats that Palestinians were “invented” in the late 1970s (he’s a historian, you know), possibly cloned from sweat taken from Arafat’s keffiyeh, and that peace negotiations are “war by another form” and he’d move the US embassy to Jerusalem.

What, Santorum isn’t going to be asked about the Middle East? I’ll bet he’d be hilarious.

Santorum won’t take a position on Puerto Rico statehood.

How would your religious beliefs affect your actions? Ron Paul. They wouldn’t. Romney would seek the guidance of Providence, Rhode Island, for some reason. Gingrich says he’s running to oppose the war against religion by the secular elite. Both Romney & Santorum bring up the Declaration of Independence, which evidently “described the relationship between God and man” (Romney).

UM, YEAH. Romney: “This is not just an average election.”

Gingrich’s campaign iS for “every American... who prefers the Declaration of Independence to Saul Alinsky”.

Santorum says Gingrich & Mittens both “bought into the global warming hoax”.

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