Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Presidential debate: Zing, zing, zing goes my heartstrings

Mitt has a bigger flag lapel. That means he automatically wins the debate.

THE ROM-COM BEGINS: Romney says it’s very sweet of Obama to spend his anniversary with him.

First zinger™, I guess: Mittens says O. believes in “trickle-down government.”

Oh dear, Romney’s going to be smirking on the split-screen every time O. is talking.

R. says middle-class income drop is an “economy tax.” Guess he’ll just keep dropping made-up phrases on us.

R. says food prices are up. This would be a perfect moment for Jim Lehrer to ask him how much a gallon of milk costs. Waiting... waiting...

Evidently, the middle class are being “crushed.”

R: “I like coal.”

No tax cut that adds to the deficit.

Romney compares Obama to his “boys,” who are evidently incredible liars and just keep repeating their lies.

Wondering where Romney’s sons learned to lie like that?

Obama: R. would cut Donald Trump’s taxes as a small business, and Donald Trump doesn’t like thinking of himself as small anything. TrumpZing!

Donald Trump is a HUGE douche.

Mittens: I don’t want to cut jobs (he was for cutting jobs before he was against it).

R. likes Big Bird and Jim Lehrer, but he’ll sell PBS to the Chinese, who will stir-fry both of them.

So Romney will eliminate the deficit by ending Obamacare and PBS and nothing else he cares to name.

R: “I don’t want to go down the path to Spain.”

R on Solyndra: you don’t pick the winners & losers, you pick the losers. Zing!

O. talks about his grandmother who worked hard and blah blah blah, and could continue living independently because Social Security and Medicare guaranteed that there was a floor under which she could not go. Romney would totally put Obama’s grandmother under the floor.

R: “Try and get a mortgage these days.”

R: “Expensive things hurt families.”

O: “Obamacare says insurance companies can’t jerk you around.”

R. accuses O. of having continued working on Obamacare even after Scott Brown was elected, which was clearly a rebuke by the entire nation of the very idea.

O. says there isn’t a better way of dealing with pre-existing conditions than O-care. Um, I can think of a better way.

O: Is R. keeping his plans so secret because they’re too good?

I think that was a trick question.

Romney says Obamacare violates the 10th Amendment. Somewhere, Rick Perry just got an erection.

R: “I love great schools.”

R says the federal gov has no role in education. A minute later, Lehrer asks if the federal gov has a role in education; R. says yes.

O says R genuinely cares about education, but offers no proof.

R says the money O spent on green energy (which he then suggests was to reward O’s campaign contributors) could have paid for a bunch of teachers. Who R would never pay for.

Well, that was as interesting as it was informative and I need to lie down now.

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