He is the Lion King

I know it’s George Bush’s function in life always to be the goofiest-looking guy in any photo, but some days it must be more difficult than others. Still, he always rises to the challenge.

Is there nothing John McCain cannot do?

Not only does McCain know how to win wars and how to capture bin Laden, but evidently he can “fix” the economy too: “And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done.”

Bedtime for bonzos

Four San Diego firefighters are suing the city for sexual harassment because they were ordered to ride their fire truck in a gay pride parade where they were subjected to, gasp, catcalls and sexually suggestive comments, which caused them to feel demeaned and oddly aroused.

So what if Sarah Palin had an expensive tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion?


I mean, do you know how expensive it was for McCain to install an appropriate bed in every one of his homes?

Soundness and resilience

Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson’s mouth says that Americans can be confident in the “soundness and resilience in the American financial system” (or at least what’s left of it). But what does his face say?

Maybe certain

Have I missed something, or did we just go a day without a new Sarah Palin scandal?

Thought for the Day: Although they have very different personalities, Obama, Biden, McCain and Palin are four of the most self-regarding people on the planet.

The National Hurricane Center said that Galveston residents who don’t evacuate “may face certain death.” Is that the same as saying they definitely face uncertain death?

From H.P. Lovecraft’s Brief Tenure as a Whitman’s Sampler Copywriter: “Toffee Nugget: Few men dare ask the question ‘What is toffee, exactly?’ All those who have investigated this substance are now either dead or insane.” More.

Sarah Palin speaks: A culture of life is best for America

More of the Sarah Palin interview (and more later).

Asked what three things she would change from the Bush admin’s economic policy, she said lower taxes, “control” spending, reform oversight. Clearly, two weeks of cramming has totally paid off for Sarah. What cuts would she make? She’d find “efficiencies.” Phew, and I thought massive budget cuts to fund tax breaks for the rich would actually, you know, affect some people.

OF WHAT THERE’S NO DOUBT IN ANYBODY’S MIND NOW ACROSS AMERICA: “There’s no doubt in anybody’s mind now across America, who’s paying attention to the presidential race here, that I am a Washington outsider.” That’s not actually a qualification, you know.

Well, okay, sure, she admits, finally, she was in favor of the Bridge to Nowhere: “I was for infrastructure being built in the state.”


Abortion (on which Gibson noted that she does not support allowing abortions for victims of rape and incest, but failed to ask her about it): “I think that a culture of life is best for America. What I want to do... be able to reach out and work with those who are on the other side of this issue, because I know that we can all agree on the need for and the desire for fewer abortions in America and greater support for adoption, for other alternatives that women can and should be empowered to embrace, to allow that culture of life.” Yeah, because her position is all about “empowering” women to embrace other alternatives, like, for instance, raising her rapist’s child.

“Q: Homosexuality, genetic or learned? PALIN: Oh, I don’t -- I don’t know, but I’m not one to judge and, you know, I’m from a family and from a community with many, many members of many diverse backgrounds and I’m not going to judge someone on whether they believe that homosexuality is a choice or genetic. I’m not going to judge them.” As opposed to actual homosexuals, who will burn in the fiery pits of Hell forever and ever.

On supporting semiautomatic assault weapons: “I believe strongly in our Second Amendment rights. That’s kind of inherent in the people of my state who rely on guns for not just self-protection, but also for our hunting and for sports, also. It’s a part of a culture here in Alaska.” Not, presumably, the culture of life that’s best for America. Also, hunting and sports require assault weapons? Those moose must be tougher than I thought.

Asked about Troopergate, she kept referring to “the trooper in question” or “a state trooper” or “a trooper who was making threats against the first family,” rather than as her sister’s ex-husband (much less by name). She’s horrified that he still has a job, that he’s “still out there”: “It amazes me still to think we cannot have very, very high standards for our troopers, for anybody in public service, certainly though, those who have a badge and carry a gun.” I thought she supported everybody’s right to carry semiautos?

Curiously, she claimed that the personnel board which she wants to investigate Troopergate rather than the state legislature is not, contrary to what everybody’s been reporting for the last two weeks, entirely appointed by herself. She says they were all appointed by previous governors.

Says never tried to ban books, that’s an “old wive’s tale.”

People who’ve taken risk in order to realize dream

McCain says again (video) that Palin knows more about energy than probably anyone else in America. Take that, Daniel Yergin!

Frankie Boyle, on Mock the Week, on global warming: The Eskimoes have 600 words for “we’re fucked.”

Hugh Dennis, on the same program, on the way McCain looks at Palin: He looks like he wants to “shoot her moose.”

Bush spoke in Oklahoma City this morning to “small business owners -- people who’ve taken risk in order to realize dream”.

Why Oklahoma City? Because they’re ignorant hillbillies (he said it, not me): “In Oklahoma a lot of people don’t know about health saving accounts, and one of the reason I’ve come down to this part of the country is because I do want people to understand they’re available and they’re good.”

Asked about the Palin interview, he quickly invoked his “no question policy,” then said, “She did just fine.” Maybe she even realized dream.

Not as governor she didn’t

The AP is getting better: “John McCain said Friday running mate Sarah Palin has never asked for money for lawmakers’ pet projects as Alaska governor when in fact she has sought nearly $200 million in earmarks this year. ... When pressed about Palin’s record of requesting and accepting such money for Alaska, McCain ignored the record and said: ‘Not as governor she didn’t.’”

Sarah Palin: You can’t blink

The first part of Charlie Gibson’s interview with Sarah Palin aired tonight (no full transcript; quotes in this post come from the excerpts and my own transcription).

NO BLINKING!: “I -- I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can’t blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can’t blink. So I didn’t blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.” McCain blinks enough for both of them.

DON’T YOU HATE IT WHEN THERE’S NOTHING NEW ON TV? “We will not repeat a Cold War.”

SHE’S THE REMINDERER: “We must have good relationship with our allies, pressuring, also, helping us to remind Russia that it’s in their benefit, also, a mutually beneficial relationship for us all to be getting along.”

By the end of this meandering mish-mash of a sentence, she’s forgotten that Ukraine and Georgia are not yet members of NATO: “But NATO, I think, should include Ukraine, definitely, at this point and I think that we need to -- especially with new leadership coming in on January 20, being sworn on, on either ticket, we have got to make sure that we strengthen our allies, our ties with each one of those NATO members.”

Since she supports enlarging NATO to include Ukraine and Georgia, Gibson asks if it’s worth going to war with Russia if it invades Georgia again: “What I think is that smaller democratic countries that are invaded by a larger power is something for us to be vigilant against.” So is that a maybe?

WHAT WE’VE GOT TO KEEP ON RUSSIA: “And we’ve got to keep an eye on Russia. For Russia to have exerted such pressure in terms of invading a smaller democratic country, unprovoked, is unacceptable.” She repeated “we’ve got to keep an eye on Russia.” And she’s just the person to do it: “You can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska.”

She avoided answering whether the US should restore Georgian control of South Ossetia and Abkhazia.

Said we shouldn’t “second guess” any Israeli attack on Iranian nuclear facilities.


The funniest part was when Gibson asked her if she agreed with the Bush Doctrine. Clearly stumped, she asked, “In what respect, Charlie?” To give him credit, he didn’t immediately throw her a life-line, but asked “What do you interpret it to be?” Only when she started going on about Bush’s “world view” did he help her out a little. When he finally explained the whole preemptive war thing, she was of course totally on board. But let me repeat, she had never heard of the Bush Doctrine, and her attempt at fudging it by talking in generalities also indicated that she didn’t know that presidential doctrines in foreign policy – the Monroe Doctrine, the Truman Doctrine, etc – are kind of a, you know, thing.

Oh, and we should totally invade or bomb Pakistan without its government’s permission if necessary because we must not, you guessed it, blink.

There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you

Sarah Palin, at a rally earlier this week: “Since my own running-mate won’t say this on his own behalf, I’m gonna have to say it for him. There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you. That man is John McCain.” Yeah, he’s just so reticent about claiming to be the only man in this election who has ever really fought for you.

Today, Bush went to a memorial event at the Pentagon, so he could look all squinty and somber-like.


Meanwhile, in New York, McCain hugged a construction worker while holding a flower. No, it wasn’t a 9/11 event; he just likes to hug construction workers while holding a flower.

Still here?

The Large Hadron Collider did not destroy the world today. Stephen Hawking said it wouldn’t, and it didn’t. I suppose that’s a good thing, but I can’t help feeling a little disappointed. It sounded quite exciting.

On the one hand, you see the horrors of war

Bush visited Walter Reed today. The hospital, not the middle school. After visiting some patients – after, mind you, he said, “I’ve also come to pay my respects to family members that are praying that their loved one can get back on their feet and serve again, or get back on their feet and live a normal life.”


Captain Oblivious strikes again.

Indeed, as ever he showed no signs of having registered that the catastrophic wounds he witnessed had anything to do with any decisions he might have made, but he did find everything... interesting. “It’s -- this is a interesting experience because, on the one hand, you see the horrors of war; on the other hand, you see the courage of the people that have volunteered to serve.”

HE MARVELS: “I marvel when I come to Walter Reed, I marvel at the fact that people say to me, Mr. President, I’d do it again.”

YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE SEVERELY INJURED SOLDIERS ARE? LUCKY, THAT’S WHAT. “And, General, we’re lucky -- and they’re lucky -- to have health care that can provide for the wounded and provide comfort to those who need the care.”

Every so often this just has to be said: Fuck you, George Bush.

Afghan fighters are good fighters

Follow-up: Thai Prime Minister Samak has been ordered by a court to step down because of his cooking show “Tasting and Grumbling.”

Today Bush spoke at the National Defense University.

WHAT IT TURNS OUT: “I am pleased to be back at the National Defense University again. It turns out this is my fifth visit as President.”

I’M SURE THEY’RE ALL THRILLED ABOUT IT TOO: “You know, one of the great things about being the Commander-in-Chief is to be the Commander-in-Chief of people who have volunteered to serve our country in a time of danger.”


AND THE ACTIVITIES TOO: “Yesterday, Ambassador Crocker and General Petraeus reported to me via STVS that they had just gone into a market area, and seen the commerce and the activities.”

He announced that he was sending more troops to Afghanistan, which is experiencing what he has taken to calling a “quiet surge.” A quiet surge that includes greatly stepping up the number of quiet air strikes.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE: “And for all the good work we’ve done in that country, it is clear we must do even more. As we learned in Iraq, the best way to restore the confidence of the people is to restore basic security -- and that requires more troops. I’m announcing today additional American troop deployments to Afghanistan.” Because nothing says basic security like foreign troops storming through your country.

WHAT HAS BEEN THE CASE THROUGHOUT THE HISTORY OF WARFARE: “Regrettably, there will be times when our pursuit of the enemy will result in accidental civilian deaths. This has been the case throughout the history of warfare.” So that’s okay then. “Our nation mourns the loss of every innocent life.” So that’s okay then. “Every grieving family has the sympathy of the American people.” So that’s okay then.


WHAT AFGHAN FIGHTERS ARE: “Afghan fighters are good fighters.”

“In the period ahead, we will once again encourage Afghan security forces and Afghan tribes to take a leading role in the building of a democratic Afghanistan.” Because nothing says democracy like tribalism and the involvement of security forces in politics.

There are citizens who say, I need love

How many people does the US have to kill inside Pakistan before it counts as a war?

Journalism as it should be done: alongside a story about the investigation that Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej’s cooking show violated the constitution because he was paid for it, the Guardian includes his recipe for pigs’ legs in Coca Cola.

Master criminal of the day, from the AP:

Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home of two farmworkers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Fresno County sheriff’s Lt. Ian Burrimond says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez of Fresno was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks.

Burrimond said Vasquez was arrested after deputies found a wallet containing his ID at the ransacked house just east of Fresno.

The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch sausage.

Burrimond said money allegedly stolen in the burglary was recovered. The sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog.

Today Bush met a bunch of volunteers on the White House lawn.

WHAT IS A JOY: “It is a joy to be here with members of the armies of compassion.” He came with some members of the other kind of army.


WHAT EVIL MAY DO: “Evil may crush concrete and twist steel, but it can never break the spirit of the American people.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, we used high-tech innovations to be able to channel people’s desire to serve in a constructive way.”

FROM BIG BROTHERS TO BIG BROTHER: “Another key component of USA Freedom Corps is our effort to keep track of Americans’ service to others. I mean, it’s one thing to talk about it, it’s another thing to measure, to kind of see how we’re doing.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “After 9/11, we tried to make this program [AmeriCorps] more effective -- in other words, to help the dollars allocated go further.”

WHAT THE PEACE CORPS DOES A FABULOUS JOB OF: “I mean, we are a compassionate nation and the Peace Corps does a fabulous job of advancing that compassion.”

WHAT SOME PANTSLESS CITIZENS SAY: “There are citizens who say, I need love.”

One maverick, two....

McCain keeps calling McCain-Palin a “team of mavericks.” Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?


And as long as we’re on the subject, when McCain talks about himself as a maverick, he means to depict himself as one who bucked his party leaders, but isn’t he also saying that in his 25 years in Congress he has been unable to convince anyone (besides Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman) to follow him? Isn’t “maverick” another way of saying “failed leader”?

Different kinds of experiences in life

Saturday, CNN interviewed Condi Rice in Libya, where she had just had a major revelation: “Do you know when I felt it? I felt it when the airplane touched down. There was something about the United States of America plane touching down in Tripoli. That’s when it struck me that 55 years was a long time.”

Asked about the relevance of Libya having a shitload of oil to the US reestablishing ties with it: “And there’s nothing wrong with that. You know, we do need – we absolutely need reliable sources of oil and gas from diverse sources.” Diverse sources ranging from the mildly evil to the incredibly evil.

Asked about Sarah Palin’s foreign-policy experience: “There are different kinds of experiences in life that help one to deal with matters of foreign policy.” She was not asked what kinds of experiences in life Palin has that would help her deal with matters of foreign policy.

Restoring faith

Today the feds seized control of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in order to “restore faith” in them (and to pass taxpayer dollars to their bondholders). And what better to restore faith than yet another episode of “Everything You Need to Know About the Economy You Can Tell By the Expression on Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s Face”?

Words mean something

Obama says of Palin’s hypocritical conversion to opposition to earmarks, “Come on! Words mean something. You can’t just make stuff up.” Has he not been paying attention the last seven years?

Joke from all over the intertubes and now here: What’s the difference between Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin? Lipstick.

This weekend, McCain brandished the Sharpie of Doom, with which he will veto earmarks....


And Cindy McCain showed us why she is totally the right person to redecorate the White House....


And George Bush did that thing he does so well,


being the goofiest-looking guy in a news photo, no matter the competition.

And what about William Rufus de Vane King?

Piper Palin is evidently named after a brand of snowmobile.

Headline of the Day, from the Daily Telegraph: “Jude Law Calls for Afghan Peace.”

McCain’s high opinion of Palin is not diminishing after having met her, what, four or five times by now? “Isn’t this the most marvelous running mate in the history of this nation?” More marvelous than Elbridge Gerry? Is that even possible?

Republican Convention: Of moose and mavericks and my friends

The last day, praise Jebus.

Brownback on America: “it’s blessed to be a blessing.”

Joe Gibbs, the former head coach of the Washington Redskins: the election of McCain & Palin will bring “a return to God’s word that will lead America to a spiritual revival”. Something to look forward to, then.

Lovely video about 9/11. Slo-mo and everything.

Lindsey Graham: “this speech is for the troops.”


Lindsey Graham talking about “straight talk” just sounds... wrong.

Graham: Obama gave troops only “a patronizing pat on the back”. Whereas you gave them... this speech.

Graham: Everyone knows the surge is working – especially Al Qaida know it – everyone except Obama and his “buddies” at MoveOn.org. And there wouldn’t have been a surge without McCain.


Video on Palin: “Mother... moose-hunter... maverick.”

Oh good, a picture of her and her father with a dead moose.

She likes moose stew.

Tom Ridge’s speech bored me... ridge-id.

Sorry. It’s very hot.

Ridge tries to get a call and response thing going where the audience is supposed to chant “That’s John McCain,” but they pay about as much attention as America did to Ridge’s color-coded terrorism alert levels.

I was in the bathroom, but I could swear Cindy McCain said that she was inspired by John’s example to go to Bangladesh and adopt one if its orphans. Er, didn’t John’s example involve going to an Asian country and creating orphans?

They fell in love at first sight, she says. I wonder if she’s leaving out any little detail about that event.


McCain thanks Bush for his leadership after 9/11, does not actually utter the name “Bush” anywhere in the speech.

Some “Iraq veteran against the war” (according to his t-shirt) has a sign and is heckling (there were others, but he’s the only one I saw on-screen on PBS), which leads to the edifying sight of pudgy delegates trying to drown out a war vet with chants of “USA! USA!” McCain tells the audience to ignore the “static.” Ha ha, that veteran isn’t really speaking in any known language, it’s just meaningless noise.

McCain must really hate having to give the part of his speech I’m listening to now, because we all know how much he hates talking about being a POW. Almost as much as he hates saying “My friends.”

Seriously, the POW portion of the speech went on a very long time.

Which he does a lot, even after everyone has been making fun of it. Can’t help himself. Unless someone thought it would be funny to put it on the teleprompter 500 times.

He actually suggests that people join the military. Or serve your country in other ways (though not as a community organizer): teach an illiterate adult to read (insert obligatory George Bush joke here). Or feed a hungry child – but not candy in the back of your van.

Went to a dark place there.


A bad speech, though delivered fairly well by McCain standards.


Hey, guy with sign: it’s spelled maverick, not mavrick!

Hey, Jim Lehrer: “they” don’t have seven children; he does.

Alaska is right next to Russia. She understands that.

Below is the video of Sarah Palin speaking at her church. At 3:50 she says that the Iraq war is a “task that is from God,” (Note: corrected from earlier version where I somehow missed that part), and at 2:10 she discusses God’s will for there to be a pipeline, and how Alaska needs to get right with the Lord. At 4:30 she tells us all about Track’s tattoos.



Yesterday, McCain was interviewed on ABC by Charlie Gibson:

WHAT SARAH PALIN’S RESUME INCLUDES: “I mean, she’s got an incredible resume, including a beautiful family and a wonderful, loving, caring family.”

ON THE VETTING OF SARAH PALIN: “Well, the people of Alaska have vetted her.” They call her Sarah Barracuda, is that what you mean? Geddit, barracuda, vet, geddit?

WHAT SARAH PALIN UNDERSTANDS: “Alaska is right next to Russia. She understands that.”

BUT DOES BARACK UNDERSTAND GEOGRAPHY AS WELL AS SARAH?: “Look, Sen. Obama’s never visited south of our border. I mean, please.” I didn’t realize going to Tijuana and seeing a donkey show was a sine qua non for the presidency. Oh, and, dude, Palin hasn’t visited south of our border either.

WHAT PEOPLE IN AMERICA WANT, AND DON’T WANT: “But most importantly, people in America want change. They don’t want somebody from inside the beltway.” Um, dude, where have you worked for the last few decades? Oh, and, dude, aren’t you accusing Obama of lack of experience for only having been inside the beltway 3½ years?

WHAT SARAH PALIN KNOWS: “Gov. Palin knows the surge has succeeded. She’s the commander of the Alaskan National Guard. He said that Iran was a tiny problem. He’s never visited south of our border.” You know, if Junior Soprano taught us anything, it’s that if you do go “south of the border,” you’d prefer it not to be mentioned in public.

WHAT MCCAIN CAN LOOK THE COUNTRY IN THE EYE (THE COUNTRY HAS AN EYE?) AND SAY: “I can look the country in the eye and say this is a person who will bring change to Washington and start working for you and upon your side. ...” I DON’T THINK I WANT HER WORKING UPON MY SIDE. “...This is what Americans want. They don’t want somebody who has -- who is, frankly, necessarily gone to Harvard or an Ivy League school. She probably hasn’t been to a Georgetown cocktail party.”

A LOT OF THIS OTHER STUFF: “That’s what she has to offer. And I’m telling you, Charlie, I believe, I am convinced -- if I’m convinced of anything, tonight’s performance, I think, will convince a lot of Americans and a lot of this other stuff’s going to go away immediately.” Oh yeah, that other stuff is so going to go away immediately.

Asked about the $27m in earmarks Palin got for Wasilla: “And then she learned that earmarks are bad.”

Asked about Palin’s saying that the Iraq war is a task from God: “I think that, obviously, that we are facing a transcendent evil of radical Islamic extremism that wants to destroy everything we stand for and believe in and value. I know that’s what she was talking about.”

Asked about her support for creationism being taught in public schools: “I don’t want her in a position of power and influence in America because we’re talking about jobs that school boards do and other things. We can have differences on various issues. Americans want jobs. They want affordable health insurance. They want an education. They want all the things that are compelling issues to their families today.” In other words, if I understand what McCain is saying, yeah, she’s obviously too batshit insane a religious nutjob to be on a school board, but she’s good to go for veep.

WHAT MCCAIN KNOWS HOW TO DO: “Well, look, President Clinton [had] opportunities to get Osama bin Laden. President Bush had opportunities to get Osama bin Laden. I know how to do it and I’ll do it. And I understand and I have the knowledge and the background and the experience to make the right judgments.” You know how to do it? Why didn’t you tell us that before?

WHAT NO RATIONAL OBSERVER WOULD DENY: “no rational observer would deny that we’ve succeeded [in Iraq], and he [Obama] refuses to do so”. So is he saying that Obama isn’t an observer, or that he isn’t rational? Ah, he’s just a cynical political operator: “He took the position that he did for political reasons to get the far left of his party’s support and win the nomination of his party. And now, incredibly, he still refuses to acknowledge that the surge is succeeding.” Yeah, he’s already got the nomination, so why shouldn’t he just admit that he was lying about how the surge is totally succeeding? “We just turned over Anbar province to the Iraqis, the bloodiest battleground of the whole Iraq War, and he refuses to acknowledge that.” Did I miss an interview where Obama was asked if we had turned over Anbar to the Iraqis and he said no?

Republican Convention: Drill, baby, drill

Why were all those delegates laughing every time someone mentioned that Obama was a “community organizer”? For people who are so anti-government, they sure like to disparage efforts of citizens to organize themselves in, as Dubya once called it, the “community-based community.” You know, Tocqueville and all that shit. (Update: see Christopher’s comment on this post for more about the hypocrisy of this. Also, an email from the Obama campaign this morning responds: “Community organizing is how ordinary people respond to out-of-touch politicians and their failed policies.”)

They kept chanting “drill, baby, drill.” Boy, it’s all about the sex with those people, isn’t it?


Giuliani: did you know that motherfucker Obama voted “present” in the Illinois state legislature? Oh, he must be stopped. He must be stopped.



Palin: “The American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery.” Yes, we quite prefer presidents who never learn a fucking thing their entire time in office.


With jokes like this one, as told by Palin, those long Alaskan nights must just fly: “You know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.” I’m going to have bad dreams tonight about pit bulls with lipstick, I know it.

Out-of-context Quote of the Day from the Republican Convention

Mike Huckabee: “I was in college before I found out it isn’t supposed to hurt when you take a shower.”

Appreciating total strangers

Another day, another Hurricane Gustav emergency center for Bush to disrupt with a presidential photo-op, this one in Baton Rouge.


JEEZ, YOU PEOPLE LOOK LIKE SHIT: “Looking around, I can see that some people may not have had much sleep recently.”

EVIDENTLY IT’S A PROBLEM: “One of the key things that needs to happen is they got to get electricity up here in Louisiana, get moving as fast as possible. The Governor understands it’s a problem, his team understands it’s a problem, and I understand it’s a problem.”

DO THEY HAVE TO PRAY UPSIDE DOWN? “the people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there’s a lot of prayer -- prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I’m one of them.”

AH HAVE ALWAYS DEPENDED...: “And I know the people that are -- whose lives have been affected appreciate a total stranger coming in to help.” Boy, that doesn’t sound creepy at all.

Speaking of strangers – “little strangers” – Bristol and Levi arrived at the convention. What did McCain say to them? CAPTION CONTEST.



I guess I’m not surprised that not a single Republican has been found to suggest that the two might have practiced safe sex, but I can’t wait to see what reception the convention gives them tonight. Rapturous, I assume, at the sight of young lust punished by parenthood. I’m reminded of Dan Quayle being asked in 1988 whether, if his 13-year old daughter was raped and impregnated, he would prevent her aborting. Caught off guard, he gave the human response, that it would be a family decision. Marilyn Quayle stepped in to give the “right” answer, that of course she’d carry it to term. This was the point when I realized that certain people were as horrified at the thought of an abortion as I am at the thought of a 13-year old forced to give birth to an unwanted child.

You can be sure the angry left never will

I was playing with Chrome with the Republican convention on in the background, mostly on mute, so I wasn’t paying much attention. Every so often I looked over, thought about turning the sound up, and didn’t. There was a video on the pledge of allegiance. Every time I glanced at the tv, there seemed to be a picture of Teddy Roosevelt for some reason.

Bush, in a rather short speech via satellite: “I know what it takes to be president.” Since when?

Bush: “If the Hanoi Hilton could not break John McCain’s resolve to do what is best for his country, you can be sure the angry left never will.” How about the cranky left?


This guy (unidentified) seems to have lost some sort of bet:



And then she punched him in the balls, the end.

Sarah Palin not qualified to take over as president? Have you seen the guy they’ve got doing the job now?

Bush spoke today.

IN OTHER WORDS: “We recognize that the pre-storm efforts were important and so are the follow-up efforts -- in other words, what happens after the storm passes is as important as what happens prior to the storm arriving.”

WHAT THIS STORM SHOULDN’T DO: “And this storm should not cause the members of Congress to say, well, we don’t need to address our energy independence”.

Heck of a... terrific job

Did you see the footage of Putin supposedly saving the lives of a camera crew from a rampaging Siberian tiger by shooting it with a tranquilizer dart? It’s not even a good fake. We get it, Vlad, you’re totally butch.

A video was shown at the Republican convention about how Republican governors are manfully battling Hurricane Gustav. In it, Texas Governor Rick “Good Hair” Perry said, “You’re seeing Republican governors in Republican states doing a terrific job.” Don’t you mean a terrific Republican job?

Nobody is happy about these storms

Dave Barry: “she was mayor of the Alaskan city of Wasilla, which has the same total number of households as John McCain.” Better than my igloo joke, I think, which is why he gets the big bucks.

One advantage of owning all those houses with all those rooms: no one ever tells you to “just get a room.”


Today Bush visited the Alamo Regional Command Reception Center in San Antonio. After a scintillating briefing on Hurricane Gustav,


which had him glued to his chair (anyone who writes “that ain’t glue” in comments will be banned for life, see if I don’t),


he met with some people who evidently symbolized other people: “Here are some Red Cross volunteers. They are -- they symbolize the thousands that will help.”


He explained why America is great: “America is a great country. It’s great because we’ve got great people. Nobody is happy about these storms.”