Meet the Obama death panel

As revealed by Sarah Palin:

Don’t tell granny, but we’re putting her on the ice floe tonight.

When the music stops, whoever’s not in a chair doesn’t get their cancer treatment.

He had a pre-existing condition.
Nobody expects the Obama death panel.

Disappointing

I clicked on a NYT.com headline, “Electric Car’s Connection to Goldman Sachs,” but lost interest when the connection turned out not to be between electric car batteries and Goldman Sachs executives’ genitals.

On the internet, nobody knows you’re a perverted cat

Follow-up on that British tourist whose genitals were set on fire in Crete: his parents say it was “a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Well, part of him certainly was.

Silly season headline: “Husband Tried to Win Back Wife by Poisoning Her.” It didn’t so much work.

Another silly season headline: “Florida Man Blames Cat for Downloading Child Pornography.” Over 1,000 images. The Guardian even has a picture of the cat, although his or her name is evidently being withheld from the public. Er, if I held a CONTEST to suggest an appropriate name for a child-porn-loving kitteh, how much would I wind up regretting it?

“Obama’s Death Panel” would be a great name for a rock & roll band

The Obama admin, if this was not obvious already, has decided not to press for the reinstatement of Honduran President Zelaya, who it now publicly blames for the coup that ousted him, as well as for the temerity to attempt to return to his own country.

Rep. Thaddeus McCotter (R-MI) has introduced a bill to allow pet expenses up to $3,500 to be deductible. Just for that, I won’t even make fun of his name.

From Sarah Palin’s Facebook page: “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care.” Absolutely. The America I know and love would give them a chair.

Why travel insurance and tetanus shots are good ideas

I blame myself. No sooner did I post a “protest of the day,” then some Paraguayans felt the need to compete.



Greece’s newest national heroine: a woman who put an obnoxious drunk British tourist in his place – the hospital. He was waving his genitals at her, so she poured her Sabucco on them, took out a lighter... He’s still in the hospital, but fortunately for him, he has travel insurance.

Protest of the day

Indonesian supporters of Megawati Sukarnoputri, who lost the presidential election last month, bury themselves. Something to do with the land belonging to the Indonesian people rather than to foreign corporations. Because if it did belong to foreign corporations, foreign corporations would be buried up to their necks, which is obviously not the case. Or something.

What sort of person takes pictures while their cat is being tortured?

Christabel and I went to the vet for her shots. She was not best pleased.

What was that you said about Hillary again?

Hearing that North Korea had released those two journalists, I immediately went to that finest of news sources, the North Korean News Agency. They don’t yet have anything beyond a brief notice of Bill Clinton’s arrival, but I did find the important news that “President Wears Cotton-padded Winter-Shoes in Summer,” which I pass on unedited:

Pyongyang, August 3 (KCNA) -- On an August day of Juche 40 (1951) President Kim Il Sung examined cotton-padded military winter-shoes.

After watching shoes with care from the height of rubber rim to thickness of shoe-sole, he instructed an official that he should carry a pair of shoes with him when backing.

Next day after he came back to the Supreme Command, he came out, putting on the cotton-padded shoes.

Officials dubiously looked at him wearing the shoes unfit for hot summer.

After having put on the shoes for a week and more, he told officials that, while wearing the shoes for several days, he felt they were good as they were warm and comfortable for feet. What worries myself, he added, is that feet of soldiers might be frozen as the shoes became wet easily.

Pointing to the rubber rim of the shoes he told in an anxious tone that the height of the rim was so low that the shoes got wet like this even in some mud and the wet shoes might make feet of soldiers frozen in winter though cotton was padded.

At last the officials realized why the President wore the shoes in summer.

After an interval, the President earnestly instructed them that the height of rubber should be raised higher.

The officials were deeply moved by him who worried himself so much about the problem of military winter-shoes in the height of the hard-fought war, not a problem of military operation.

A lesson for us all.

North Korea is claiming Clinton presented a message from Obama; the White House is denying it.

But what did Bill and Little Kim have to talk about? CAPTION CONTEST!

What’s the matter with Guantanamo?

Guardian headline: “Guantánamo Detainees ‘May Go to Kansas.’” Six of one, half a dozen of the other, isn’t it?

Big surprise, huh?

McCain will vote against Sotomayor. Repeats the fallacy that Ricci was reversed unanimously.

Suddenly regular beauty pageants don’t seem nearly as creepy, do they?

Cambodia has cancelled the Miss Landmine pageant (the winner would have gotten a crown and a prosthetic limb) on the grounds of extreme tackiness.

From the pageant’s website:

Worst. Incentive. Ever.

(Update: er, that’s not me offering that as an incentive, that’s a banner from somewhere considerably dumber and more evil, where I went to laugh at all the dumb and the evil.) (Thank you for letting me clear that up.)

Intelligence can be a valuable weapon, but it is not one we should use on each other

The Zimbabwean man who drove the truck that killed Tsvangirai’s wife and almost Tsvangirai himself was just convicted of culpable homicide and sentenced – to a fine. Mm hmm. Anyway, hapless driver or Mugabe assassin, Chinoona Mwanda is our Name of the Day. Really, right now, stand up and recite it three times: Chinoona Mwanda, Chinoona Mwanda, Chinoona Mwanda!

Read, if only for its incredibly whininess, Little Leon Panetta’s incredibly whiny complaint
that investigating the CIA’s past evil deeds will distract it from the performance of its current evil deeds. “As the president has said, this is not a time for retribution. Debates over who knew what when -- or what happened seven years ago -- miss a larger, more important point: We are a nation at war in a dangerous world, and good intelligence is vital to us all.” However, he warns, “Intelligence can be a valuable weapon, but it is not one we should use on each other.” He’s worried about Congress using intelligence? (See Smintheus’s response to Panetta.)

Slogans for cities.

But is it ok for a horse to poop on the street on the sabbath?

The weekly Jerusalem battle between the police and the ultra-Orthodox anti-parking-lot-open-on-sabbathers took place again today. I do so love the pictures these protests generate.



But there was a new element today: horsies!



Has a nice Cossacky look, doesn’t it? (Also, someone shot up a gay community center in Tel Aviv today, killing 3).

Some day, I will get through the entire day without posting anything featuring the word “underwear” – this is not that day

Frankie Boyle asks on Mock the Week, how big a bail-out, how much money do we have to give the banks before they stop chaining the pens up?

In Britain, prisoners of the pagan persuasion (there are 366 of them) are to be allowed to keep: a hoodless robe (to be used only, repeat only, during ceremonies), a twig to be used as a wand, incense, one piece of jewelry, rune stones, tarot cards which are not repeat not to be used to tell the fortunes of other prisoners and “only following a local risk assessment.” No naked worship. They can choose two holidays from work from the following options: Halloween, the midsummer solstice, the vernal equinox. They can use wine during worship – one sip only. Oh, the Times’s headline: “Privileges Ease Spell in Prison for Pagans.”

Today’s Headline of the Day features underwear for the second day in a row. Hmm. From the London Times: “Astronaut Koichi Wakata Didn’t Change Underwear for a Month.” Evidently, they’re special NASA underpants, or at least that’s what the guys in Mission Control told him in between barely suppressed snickers.

In other underwear news, here’s a guy who held up a BP station in Clacton-on-Sea, Essex using underwear as a mask.

A clunker twitter

John McCain is against cash for clunkers...


because it’s generational theft.

As opposed to when he married a rich heiress young enough to be his daughter. Cash for clunkers, indeed.

Does the NYT actually employ editors?

Kristof’s column: “Here in Pakistan, 1 woman in 74 will die at some point in her life from complications during pregnancy.” At some point in her life? I’m guessing at the end of it.

Yay, racism in America is over

Beer! “The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems.” Why did no one think of this before? I mean, all “Skip” Gates ever did about racism before this was write book after book after book on the subject.


But what was Biden doing there? If you’re thinking he was there purely in order that the number of white guys was the same as the number of black guys, you’re forgetting about the – heh heh – butler.


Anyway, on to the inevitable CAPTION CONTEST, which asks the question, But what did Joe Biden say?

In which the age-old question, thong or underwear, is again posed (so to speak)

An Alert Reader has sent in a BBC story, “Flying Underwear Causes Power Cut” as a suggested Headline of the Day. And it’s good, oh it’s good, but now I’m going back and forth in my mind over whether “Flying Thong Causes Power Cut” might have been better (when you have a blog, this is the sort of dilemma with which you are faced every single day). What do you think?

poll by twiigs.com

Medical news you can use: cupcakes are good for your health

Obama held a town hall meeting today in a high school in Raleigh, North Carolina and another one in the produce section of a supermarket in Bristol, Virginia. The comments here are from the former, the pictures from the latter because what’s better, this


or this?


HE’S IN THE POCKET OF BIG CUPCAKE: “Sara Coleman for the wonderful introduction. Give her a great round of applause. (Applause.) She brought me a Cupcake Factory teeshirt -- (laughter) -- but no cupcakes. (Laughter.) I mean, I know I’ve been talking about health care a lot, but I think cupcakes are good for your health.”


UM, YAY? “We’re losing jobs at half the rate we were when I took office six months ago. (Applause.)”

“BAILOUT OF CAPITALIST SWINE,” THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO CALL IT. OR MAYBE “BARNEY.” “Now, there’s a lot of misinformation about the Recovery Act or the stimulus, whatever you want to call it.”


WHAT MAKES BARACK SCRATCH HIS HEAD: “although I’ve got to say, when I hear critics talk about out-of-control spending, I start scratching my head. I can’t help but remember those same critics contributed to a $1.3 trillion deficit that I inherited when I took office. You hand me a $1.3 trillion bill and then you’re complaining six months later because we haven’t paid it all back.” AND GUESS WHOSE FACE IS ON THE $1.3 TRILLION BILL?

IF NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT IT, HOW CAN YOU BE TIRED OF HEARING IT? “First of all, nobody is talking about some government takeover of health care. I’m tired of hearing that.”


BUT IF IT COULD BE SOMEHOW ARRANGED FOR RUSH LIMBAUGH TO GO BROKE FROM HEMORRHOIDS. GET KATHLEEN SEBELIUS ON THAT AT ONCE: “No one in America should go broke because of an illness.”

Of teddy bears, giant food, and Batman

Headline of the Day (Times of London): “Teddy Bear Picnics Banned as Swine Flu Rules Hit Nurseries.”

Holy colonial relic, Batman!

Other Headline of the Day: “Giant Food Shows Continued Sales Growth.”

Economies of scale

Some study claims that obese people spend 41% more on health care, $1,500 per year. But does this so-called study take into account the cost savings from buying the economy-sized bag of Cheetos? I thought not.

I never ordered any combatant to eat anyone

At his war crimes trial, Charles Taylor today again denied that cannibalism: “it makes you feel like throwing up.” So no seconds for you? For you foodies out there, the transcript will be a must: “Mr Marzah went into detail as to how the victims were sliced up for cooking and seasoned.”

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OH NO, HOW WILL WE OVERTHROW CASTRO NOW? The ticker the Bushies put in the building of the US interests section in Havana will no longer flash their messages of freedom to the enslaved Cuban masses. From the Guardian: “The ticker made little visible impact on Cubans but became a tourist attraction. Cumbersome technology, however, diminished its impact. The sign was slow-moving, difficult to read and lacked Spanish accents and tildes. For instance ‘año’, which means year, appeared as ‘ano’, which means anus.”

Another Sarah Palin contest, because we’re not done with her yet

Chris Clarke of the blog Coyote Crossing has re-written the Gettysburg Address as Sarah Palin would have delivered it.

But doggone it, there are so many speeches that could benefit from the Palin touch.

“We will fight on the beeches, which I can see from my house...”

“Friends, Romans from the pro-Rome part of this great country...”

“As for me, give me liberty or, aw heck, I quit...”

“I have a dream that one day, the sons of Cheechakos and the sons of Sourdoughs...”

“I know I have the body but of a hot and MILFy woman...”

“The only thing we have to fear is, aw heck, I quit...”

“I come not to praise Joe the Plumber...”

“Ask not what you can do for your country, ask, aw heck, I quit...”

More, please, in comments.

How about ya quit makin’ things up?

Today Sarah Palin held her third and final governor’s resignation picnic. She served the masses hot dogs and a speech, both of which were composed of processed, ground-up chunks of miscellaneous unidentifiable meat products and rat turds.

She suggested to the press that they leave the new governor’s kids alone and “How about, in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin’ things up?” Sarah, no one could make you up if they tried.

SHE’S COMING AFTER YOU, KUNG FU PANDA: “Hollywood needs to know: we eat, therefore we hunt.”


“Be wary of accepting government largess. It doesn’t come free, and often accepting it takes away everything that is free.” The unemployed lady went on to say that it removed incentives to hard to work.

“Alaska is the gate-keeper of the continent.” Don’t let the gate of the continent hit you in the ass on the way out, Sarah.

Quittin’ time

Sarah Palin is entering her last day in office, which she timed to come after the governor’s picnics. Here she (“Patriot”) and Piper (“Alaska grown”) serve traditional Eskimo fare.


CAPTION CONTEST!

And hijinks ensued

Hamas sponsors a mass wedding of 382 couples at a refugee camp in Syria, the idea being to allow an affordable way for the refugees to get married (Hamas also gave them a gift of $2,100). But, according to the AP, “The brides and grooms were separated during a wedding party... as observant Muslims do not mix in public.” Boy do I see the opportunity for a sitcom-style wacky mixup.

War isn’t worth one life

Following the death today of Harry Patch, a World War I (and indeed, Passchendaele) vet and, judging by his name, a minor character in a Dickens novel, there remain only three veterans of the Great War. Patch was the last who had seen battle in the trenches. Said Patch, “War isn’t worth one life.” He tried to aim only at the Germans’ legs. He was wounded by a shell and spent a year in hospital. Like Henry Allingham, he survived his children. He was married to his first wife for 58 years and his second wife for 24, and has also out-lived a girlfriend, because he was still picking up chicks as a centenarian. Which is awesome and gross in equal measure.

I obviously helped to contribute ratcheting it up

Berlusconi’s prostitute is suing the foreign minister for impugning her reputation. Let me just repeat that: Berlusconi’s prostitute is suing the foreign minister for impugning her reputation.

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There are now a record number of inmates serving life sentences, 10% of all prisoners, twice that in three-strikes California. 2/3 of the lifers are black or Latino.

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Orrin Hatch, who says he will vote against Sotomayor: “In truth, I wish President Obama had chosen a Hispanic nominee that all Senators could support.” Edward James Olmos? Ugly Betty? Eric Estrada? Freddie Prinze Jr? It’s Eric Estrada, isn’t it?

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Obama invites Henry Louis Gates and the cop who arrested him to the White House for a beer. I’m now officially embarrassed by my president. If Gates doesn’t go have a beer with his persecutor, he looks like a jerk. Obama says that the arrest was an overreaction but “Professor Gates probably overreacted as well.” Who did Gates put in handcuffs and put in a cell for 4 hours? Let’s not try to create equivalences here. Only one of the two had authority granted to him by the state over the other.

Another reason not to create equivalence: Gates probably doesn’t deal with cops every day, but it’s Sgt. Crowley’s job to deal with members of the public in stressful circumstances. If he’s doing his job properly, he will get cursed at or shouted at several times a week. He should be able to handle it without taking it personally.

In their conversation, Sgt. Crowley complained to Obama that the press have been coming onto his lawn. Yes, isn’t it annoying when people come uninvited onto your property?

Your new doctor

My New York Times today had this full-page ad from the Cato Institute:


Er, Doctor Sam, what exactly are you planning to do with that finger?

Crappy job market

An Alert Reader sent in this story from the South China Morning Post:

SHANDONG - Five college graduates have won fiercely contested jobs as excrement collectors in Jinan, the Qilu Evening News reports. The five beat out 391 candidates, including one postgraduate and many university graduates. They passed a written test and had an interview. The job had previously been hard to fill, but in the tough job market, many people were attracted by the good benefits.

CONTEST: What questions were on the written test? Also, what might those “good benefits” be?

Obama press conference: I’ve got a doctor following me every minute

Yesterday, Katie Couric asked Obama whether abortion would be covered under his health care plan (no one asked about abortion in today’s press conference). He responded with evasion and indifference, saying he wouldn’t, “at this stage,” “micromanage benefits,” and that there is “a tradition of, in this town, historically, of not financing abortions as part of government funded health care.” Oh well, if it’s a tradition, like Sloppy Joe Wednesdays and disregard of women’s health issues. Clearly, tradition must be given more weight than justice or whatever. “Rather than wade into that issue at this point, I think that it’s appropriate for us to figure out how to just deliver on the cost savings...” Like, did you know how much we can save by not covering anything related to chicks’ lady-parts? “...and not get distracted by the abortion debate at this station.” Those silly women, always trying to distract Obama from the important stuff.

HAVE THEY CHECKED BEHIND THE COUCH? Factoid Obama has been repeating over and over this week: 14,000 people lose their health insurance every day.

Press conference transcript.

OH, HE KNOWS US SO WELL: “a lot of Americans may be wondering, ‘What’s in this for me?”


“SO LET ME BE CLEAR” IS THE NEW “IN OTHER WORDS”: “So let me be clear: If we do not control these costs, we will not be able to control our deficit.”

YOU KNOW, THE CHEAP BEST CARE: “Our proposals would change incentives so that doctors and nurses are free to give patients the best care, just not the most expensive care.” Fortunately, there are no circumstances in which the best care is also the most expensive care; never happens.


“SO LET ME BE CLEAR” IS THE NEW “IN OTHER WORDS”: “So let me be clear: This isn’t about me. I have great health insurance, and so does every member of Congress.” I know that makes me feel better.

WHAT THIS IS ABOUT: “This is about the middle-class college graduate from Maryland whose health insurance expired when he changed jobs and woke up from the emergency surgery that he required with $10,000 worth of debt.” Ah yes, debt-insertion surgery.

“I want to cover everybody. Now, the truth is that, unless you have a -- what’s called a single-payer system, in which everybody is automatically covered, then you’re probably not going to reach every single individual because there’s always going to be somebody out there who thinks they’re indestructible and doesn’t want to get health care, doesn’t bother getting health care, and then, unfortunately, when they get hit by a bus, end up in the emergency room and the rest of us have to pay for it.” So what’s the argument here? Since he doesn’t support single-payer, I guess he’s okay with Indestructible Boy’s ER bill being paid by the rest of us. Maybe this person is just too big a jerk to be worth covering. Also, is Jim DeMint driving the bus?


He claims that 97 to 98% of the population will be covered. Sure it will.

BECAUSE RED IS OUR FAVORITE COLOR? “If there’s a blue pill and a red pill, and the blue pill is half the price of the red pill and works just as well, why not pay half price for the thing that’s going to make you well?”

BECAUSE IT WAS... MURDER! “But people are no longer talking about the financial system falling off a cliff.”


On Wall Street compensation: “I’d like to think that people would feel a little remorse and feel embarrassed and would not get million-dollar or multimillion-dollar bonuses.” Yes, because if there’s one thing they have with abundance on Wall Street, it’s remorse and a sense of embarrassment.

KEEP THEM HONEST? WHEN WERE THEY HONEST BEFORE? “And part of the reason we want to have a public option is just to help keep the insurance companies honest.”

AND A BUNCH OF GUYS WITH DART GUNS FOLLOW BIDEN EVERY MINUTE, IN CASE HE SAYS SOMETHING STUPID: Asked the silly question of whether he (and Congress) should get no better than the public option: “You know, I would be happy to abide by the same benefit package. I will just be honest with you. I’m the president of the United States, so I’ve got a doctor following me every minute...”


Asked about the arrest of Harvard’s Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. at his own home, he said “the Cambridge police acted stupidly.”

JIGGER, I SAID JIGGER! “I mean, if I was trying to jigger into -- well, I guess this is my house now, so... (LAUGHTER) ... it probably wouldn’t happen. But let’s say my old house in Chicago. (LAUGHTER) Here, I’d get shot.”

Obama was wonkish and, let’s face it, boring, like he has no real passion for the issue. Also rambling and at times evasive. It didn’t move the health-care debate along, didn’t put any pressure on Congress, or hit back against his critics. So why did he want to hold a prime-time press conference anyway?

They are acting out to send a message that we’re not interested in receiving

Hillary Clinton on North Korea’s latest nuclear and missile tests: “Maybe it’s the mother in me or the experience that I’ve had with small children and unruly teenagers and people who are demanding attention – don’t give it to them. They don’t deserve it. They are acting out to send a message that we’re not interested in receiving.” 1) Yeah in your household it was Chelsea who was unruly and acting out and demanding attention. 2) This is your idea of effective diplomacy? 3) Did Bush’s “ignore them and maybe they’ll go away” policy towards NK work? 4) They’re NUKES. It’s not a tantrum, it’s the most dangerous weaponry on the planet.

On the two journalists still being held by North Korea, she has switched the US position from demanding their release because they did nothing wrong to asking for clemency because they admit being criminals: “The young women themselves have, apparently, admitted that they probably did trespass so they are deeply regretful and we are very sorry it’s happened.” She’s treating as truthful statements which were made by people being held by North Korea?

Asmussen:

Folks think I’m a city boy

Last night Obama had an “Evening of Country Music” at the White House, which has seen many awkward events but not many more so (Jackie Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe in the same room, Shrub’s Hanukkah celebrations, and Nixon dining alone come to mind) (oo, IMPROMPTU CONTEST: name some other awkward White House events).

Obama claimed to enjoy country music: “Now, I know folks think I’m a ‘city boy’ -- (laughter) -- but I do appreciate listening to country music because like all Americans, I appreciate the broad and indelible impact that country has had on our nation.” “After all, name me any other country that would have produced a Hank Williams or a Willie Nelson.”

Here are the Obamas’ “I’m just sitting here, enjoying the country music” faces.

And you know where he can stick that knife...

The Terminagovernor, responsible for making a horrendous budget so much more horrendouser, plays with a knife and gibbers about autographing state vehicles and selling them on Ebay in this (30-second) video he posted via Twitter.

The king is dead, hail to the king

There has been much talk about how Walter Cronkite was never replaced as the “most trusted man in America,” what with growing cynicism and the splintering of news media and so on. But...

That is just not true.

Ahem.

Cough.

I mean modesty forbids, but...





I will try to use my power only for good.

Is John McCain showing his age again?

Obama Meets the Moon People

Today, Barack Obama met with leaders of the Mormon church and with the Apollo 11 astronauts. Not at the same time, which is a shame because they surely must have loads in common. For example, the former wear magic underpants, the latter pooped in their space suits.

Mysteriously, there seem to be no pictures of the meeting with the Mormons, but Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and the, you know, other one, faked their White House footage on a sound stage in a Northrop Grumman hangar.

CAPTION CONTEST! YAY!

A real sign of desperation and inappropriate criminal behavior

The Toronto Star confirms that under Obama there has been no review of the policy of force-feeding prisoners at Guantanamo. They also quote various military types about how that policy is neither cruel nor inhumane.

Elsewhere, other military types are complaining about the cruelty and inhumanity of the Taliban showing video of Priv. Bowe Bergdahl, the American soldier they took prisoner. And Hillary Clinton calls the capture “a real sign of desperation and inappropriate criminal behavior”. I’m sure the Taliban will be just mortified to have their actions called inappropriate.

By the way, how is it inappropriate for combatants in a war to take prisoners?

Free Canada!

I gather that Mitch McConnell was on Meet the Press today repeating the favorite Republican notion that Canadians would all much rather have the US health care system. Isn’t it sad that Canada isn’t a democracy, and cannot just elect the Canadian equivalents of Mitch McConnell to tear down their hated Socialist Health Care?

How long is that in slog years?

America will not accept a “long slog” in Afghanistan without signs that “we are making headway,” Secretary of Long Slogs Robert Gates says. If eight years isn’t a long slog, I wonder what is?

He says we’ll need to show progress by 2 Friedman Units from now. If we do, “then you can put more time on the Washington clock.” Oh good.

It is at your funeral that you in many ways can see most clearly the things that really matter in life

Can’t believe I forgot we owned an air strip in Honduras. But when President Zelaya tried to return to his country and they parked all those tanks on the runways at Tegucigalpa’s airport, we didn’t let him use ours. That in an Indy article that points out how many of Bush’s Latin American people are still hanging around in the Obama foreign policy establishment.

Gov. Mark Sanford issues an apology to the people of South Carolina. There are few things on this earth as irritating as a Christian doing that pathetic-smug I-done-wrong-but-God-will-make-it-all-better thing, and this is a superb exemplar of the genre, which I urge you to read for yourselves. Anyway, he’s grown from his mistakes and will be a much better governor in consequence. So that’s all right then. Words not used in the letter: resignation, Appalachian Trail, adultery, sparking thing, two magnificent parts of yourself, soul mate...

(Update: Marcy Wheeler: “Shorter Mark Sanford: I learned at C Street that we powerful people are always forgiven due to God’s grace, so I see my sins as a sign from God that I should stay governor.”)

Wonder what her porn name is

Name of the Day: the head of the (British) Charity Commission, currently cracking down on private schools: Dame Suzi Leather. Wikipedia says she is the daughter of a sex therapist and a doctor. Figures. And she is married to a Professor Iain Hampsher-Monk.

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Farewell Henry Allingham. We hardly knew ye. 113 years old. Outlived his children, had 5 grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren, 14 great-great grandchildren and one great-great-great grandchild. Married more than 50 years, then a widower for 39 years. Was retired longer than he worked. Unimaginable. He leaves only a handful of World War I vets (inc 2 British, 1 American). He said of the Great War, “I saw too many things I would like to forget but I never will forget them, I never can forget them.”

Of giant pastries and other things, but I had you at “giant pastries,” didn’t I?

Bakers in Nablus in the West Bank have created the world’s biggest kunafa (some sort of pastry involving goat cheese), 243 feet long in order to get into the Guinness Book of World Records. Why, there’s Palestinian Prime Minister Fayyad. And the only guy using a fork to eat his kunafa is the American Consul-General in Jerusalem Jacob Walles.


Meanwhile Gaza is working on its bid to enter the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s largest prison camp. Fingers crossed.

Yet another demo by Jerusalem ultra-Orthodox against the municipal parking lot, this time without rioting (update: well, a few stones thrown at passing cars), possibly because they were tired out from rioting earlier in the week over the arrest of a mentally disturbed ultra-O. woman for starving her 3-year-old son almost to death (they were against it: the arrest, not the starving thing). The authorities released her on bail into house arrest (how house arrest is different from, you know, being an ultra-Orthodox woman, no one has explained). She has 4 other children and another rugulah in the oven.

Funny, I had a late lunch but I’m suddenly hungry.

Gene Weingarten has some questions for Cheney’s publisher.

We did not think that symbol was anything wrong

Headline of the Day (London Times): “Charles Taylor Defends Use of Human Skulls.” At roadblocks during the coup. He says it was an effective means of gently encouraging people to obey soldiers’ orders. But not stringing human entrails against the road, he entirely denies that ever happened. And only skulls, not human heads with the flesh still on them: “I would not have tolerated anyone killing and putting a human head up.” And only “enemy skulls.” Also, “We are not talking about skulls lying around all over the place [but only] at certain strategic junctions.” So that’s okay then.

The Un-Sotomayor

Linda Chavez began her testimony at the Sotomayor hearings today with the only honest words of her career: “I testify today not as a wise Latina woman”.

What Sarah Palin learned from the bears

From Palin’s Twitter feed (click for larger):

Sotomayor hearings: Lots of ‘splainin’ to do

In this morning’s questioning, Cornyn continued to be befuddled by the whole concept of a “wise Latina woman.” “Isn’t that a contradiction in terms,” he asked?

Cornyn was also befuddled by the notion that there is some “indefiniteness” in the law, which is kind of the reason we have a Supreme Court in the first place.

Cornyn was still further befuddled by the notion that judges bring “life experiences” to the bench, which is why we don’t pick the Supreme Court by putting the names of every American into a giant hat.

Tom “OMG, Lesbians in the Bathrooms!” Coburn posed a hypothetical case about abortion: “Let’s say I’m 38 weeks pregnant and we discover a small spina bifida sack on the lower sacrum... Would it be legal in this country to terminate that child’s life?” Sotomayor explains to him very gently (because you know what pregnant men are like) that abortion is actually regulated at the state rather than the federal level.


Coburn asked over and over whether there is a “right to personal self-defense.” Finally, she set up a scenario:

But, under New York law, if you’re being threatened with eminent death or very serious injury, you can use force to repel that, and that would be legal. The question that would come up, and does come up before juries and judges, is how eminent is the threat. If the threat was in this room, “I’m going to come get you,” and you go home and get -- or I go home. I don’t want to suggest I am, by the way. Please, I’m not -- I don’t want anybody to misunderstand what I’m trying to say. If I go home, get a gun, come back and shoot you, that may not be legal under New York law because you would have alternative ways to defend...

COBURN: You’ll have lots of ‘splainin’ to do.

SOTOMAYOR: Waaaa, Ricky!

I may have added that last bit.

How could they sink so low

Former Liberian leader Charles Taylor, surely one of the human race’s ten most appalling living members, asks an important question at his war crimes trial in The Hague: “People have me eating human beings. How could they sink so low as to think that of me?”

How indeed?

Lindsey, do you have a douchbaggery problem?

CONTEST: Provide a better answer than whatever Sotomayor said, which I can’t even remember, in response to Lindsey Graham’s question, “Do you think you have a temperament problem?”

ALTERNATE CONTEST: Provide a caption for this photo:

Follow the bouncing ball

Caption contest

Sotomayor hearings: we’re not robots

Sotomayor: “we’re not robots who listen to evidence and don’t have feelings”. That’s just a dreadful calumny against Robot-Americans.

The corollary of the Republican complaints against the idea that a “wise Latina woman” might bring something to the bench, is that a judiciary composed entirely of dumb white men and/or robots would not be lacking in any way. Would they care to argue this case?

Speaking of robots who don’t have feelings, here is a super-awesome ad just released by California’s robot overlord. The music, the Teutonic enunciation, the way he sits at an angle to the camera, the way he stands up as he intones, “I am standing firm for a balanced budget that does not raise your taxes,” the way the color of every part of his head comes from a bottle, the way he calls for us to stand (firm) with him but sounds like he plans to kill us all...



SIZE MATTERS: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (R-Way Down South in the Land of Cotton) asked Sotomayor: “do you think that Frank Ricci and the other firefighters whose claims you dismissed felt that their arguments and concerns were appropriately understood and acknowledged by such a short opinion from the court?” What, Jeffy, “Go eat a bag of dicks” too pithy for you? Of course we all remember Scalia’s famous opinion in Bush v. Gore: