Sort of a weird duck

Message to McNeil-Lehrer reporters, and all reporters, really: stop calling it the “Terrorist Surveillance Program.”

Larry King interviewed Richard Beelzebub Cheney today. Asked him, “do you ever, as an intelligent person, look in the mirror and say, maybe I’m wrong?” That is a silly question. Everyone knows Cheney casts no reflection.

Cheney admitted that the “last throes” line was wrong.

But of course they’re in the last throes now. To prove it, he quotes the O’Hanlon & Pollack op-ed piece from yesterday’s NYT, “not exactly a friendly publication”.

He would not admit to being either in the executive or the legislative branch: “the Vice President is sort of a weird duck”. Duck. With a “d.”


He claims not to remember if he sent Gonzo & Card to harass Ashcroft in the hospital. “I don’t recall that I gave instructions to that effect.” Really, he ordered so many officials to bother so many post-op patients – it’s sort of a hobby of his – that it’s hard to keep track.

He says the letter that Undersecretary of Defense Eric Edelman sent to Hillary castigating her for asking for the details of plans for withdrawal of troops from Iraq was “a good letter.” He says it’s “an important principle” not to tell Congress anything about military operations.

However, he denies Walter Mondale’s charge that he has a “near total aversion to the notion of accountability.” “Fact is, my job has been to serve the President. ... In terms of accountability, I’m accountable to him.” And you can’t get much more accountable than that.

He says the Scooter Libby commutation was “a good outcome.” Because Larry King failed to ask the question, he doesn’t repeat what he told CBS a couple of days ago, that he thinks the jury was wrong to convict.

He says we have to keep Guantanamo open because of people like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: “We need to hold him someplace. He’s held at Guantanamo.” Because we really don’t have any, what do you call them, prisons, here on the mainland. Nope, total dearth of rooms with bars in the United States.

Meditations on technology

FBI and IRS agents searched the home of Sen. Ted Stevens (R-No!) yesterday. Wouldn’t it be funny if they found that the internet really did come into his house through a series of tubes?

In Bush’s radio address Saturday, he called for new wiretapping powers. Terrorists now use disposable cellphones, he said, so obviously we need a disposable Bill of Rights.

The Iraqi Parliament began its summer vacation yesterday. Er, vacation from what?

Does he understand it’s an ideological struggle? And he does. (updated)(the post, not the ideological struggle)

Bush finally met with Gordon Brown, possibly the only person in the world who wants Bush to give him a nickname, because even Gordon Brown finds Gordon Brown incredibly boring. Sadly, in their press conference today, there was no sign of a nickname.


What there was a sign of, is that Bush looked into StinkyBrown’s eyes and saw someone who “understood” everything Bush believes:

[W]e have an obligation, it seems to me, to work for freedom and justice around the world. And I found a person who shares that vision and who understands the call.

He also understands what I know, that if we’re really interested in eradicating poverty, it’s important for us to be successful in the Doha round.

There’s no doubt in my mind that Gordon Brown understands that failure in Iraq would be a disaster for the security of our own countries

And what’s interesting about this struggle -- and this is what I was paying very careful attention to when Gordon was speaking -- is, does he understand it’s an ideological struggle? And he does.

There’s a lot of cynics saying, how dare they; how dare they impose U.S. or Great British values. And what I found was a man who understands that these aren’t Great British and U.S. values, these are universal values.

Indeed, he likes the Great British people precisely because he thinks there’s no such thing as “Great British values”: “But it’s an important relationship primarily because we think the same.”


Of course Brown isn’t just a Great Britisher, he’s a Scotsman, although, according to Bush, “he’s not the dour Scotsman that you described him, or the awkward Scotsman; he’s actually the humorous Scotsman”. Brown recounts that Bush told him of having visited Scotland “at the age of 14, and had to sit through very long Presbyterian Church services in which you didn’t understand a word of what the minister was actually saying. So I think you came to a better understanding of the Scottish contribution to the United Kingdom from that”. Long and incomprehensible. Also: deep-fried Mars bars.

I presume Brown meant Bush couldn’t understand because of the accent, not because he’s stupid. 25 or so years ago, the movie Gregory’s Girl had to be dubbed when it played in America.


IN OTHER WORDS: “I would describe Gordon Brown as a principled man who really wants to get something done. In other words, in my discussions with him last night we spent about two hours over dinner, just alone.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “And so I made the decision to send more troops in, understanding the consequences of failure if we did not do so. In other words, I said I think if we don’t send troops, it’s more likely we’ll fail”.


Brown said, “Terrorism is not a cause, it is a crime, and it is a crime against humanity.” No one ever said terrorism is a cause, it is a method. John Le Carré said, I believe in The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, that politicians in the West like to compare our ideals with the Communist Bloc’s methods, although the two side’s professed ideals were both high-minded and utopian while their methods were both ruthless and nasty.

Brown was very careful not to differ from Bush on the tiniest detail. At one point he accidentally said that “Afghanistan is the front line against terrorism,” reflecting a certain belief in the Labour Party that Britain should drop Iraq and concentrate on the one possibly winnable war. When a reporter brought it up, he denied having said that, claiming, “I think I described Afghanistan as the first line in the battle against the Taliban.” As opposed to Belgium?

(Update: just caught excerpts on the BBC of what it called, with a particularly English – pardon me, Great British – horticultural aptness, the Brown-Bush summit. Brown did not look happy to be there, and did not look like he was trying, like Blair always tried, to be friends with the crazy moron. The BBC noted that none of Bush’s lavish praise of Brown – assuming that saying he understands the world the same way Bush does amounts to praise in the eyes of anyone except Bush – was reciprocated.)

We must reflect on our shortcomings

I can’t believe there isn’t a “Compassionate Misanthropes for Hillary” website yet. Someone get on that.

Another must-read: the LAT on the Iraqi Interior Ministry.

Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe announces that he won’t be stepping down just because his party was rather badly defeated in the upper house elections. As it happens, all those people who voted for other parties didn’t really want those other parties to take power. Rather, “Voters said we must reflect on our shortcomings and refresh the line-up.” He figures a reshuffle should do it. One is reminded of the lessons Bush drew from the 2006 elections, that the voters wanted him to implement the exact same policies, but better. (Update: register their displeasure with the lack of progress, was what he said the voters had done.)

A true compassionate misanthrope, Ingmar Bergman, has died. 89 miserable years. I blame him for Woody Allen not being funny anymore.

What do you mean, “Yahtzee”?

The magic number

Today’s must-read: Mark Benjamin at Salon on the “collateral damage estimate” prepared before air strikes, and why the magic number is 30. Rather too far down in this longish article is that they rarely do the assessments they are supposed to do afterwards to see if they actually killed the number of civilians they had decided in advance was acceptable, a fact which tells you everything you need to know about the Pentagon’s commitment to not killing civilians.

Walter Pincus notes in the WaPo that while Congress just voted again against creating permanent military bases in Iraq, the US military is spending billions of dollars in construction each year without specifying where any of it is going. I’m guessing an 18-million-hole golf course.

Not acceptable in Islam and Afghan culture

Even Republicans know they’d look ridiculous talking about winning the Iraq war. Today McCain said, “We will not allow the United States of America to lose this war.” Like it just can’t happen without his permission.

Speaking of not allowing things, my quote of the day is from Afghan legislator (provincial, I think) Habib Rahman: “When the elders and clerics go to talk with the Taliban, they will explain once again that taking hostages is not acceptable in Islam and Afghan culture.”

You can’t just shoot anybody

Latest revelation from the court-martial of Sgt. Lawrence Hutchins III for the murder of Awad the Lame: it was inspired by a 1999 Willem Dafoe movie I’ve never heard of, “The Boondock Saints,” about some guys in da neighborhood who decide to do the vigilante thing and kill members of the Russian mob. The Onion’s A.V. Club describes it as “Less a proper action-thriller than a series of gratuitously violent setpieces strung together with only the sketchiest semblance of a plot... clearly designed to appeal to heartless armchair sadists.” Much like, well, you know.

The witness who gave us this tidbit, Lt. Nathan Phan, admits that he really did once order Hutchins to choke a prisoner unconscious. Phan, who is testifying in exchange for not being charged with beating up prisoners, agreed that maybe that order contributed to the lawless environment that led to the murder of Awad the Lame.

The Pentagon has been talking a lot about “bottom-up” reconciliation in Iraq. Evidently, while parliament and the Maliki regime may be failing to achieve anything, there’s just boatloads of bottom-up reconciliation, which is conveniently immeasurable – unbenchmarkable if you will – but which they’ll be happy to tell you a few anecdotes about. And Sunni militias, which the US is arming, they count too, because sectarian militias have always been such a force for reconciliation. Says Gen. Petraeus of what either he or the WaPo call these “grass-roots forces,” “This is a very, very important component of reconciliation because it’s happening from the bottom up”. Must be a definition of reconciliation with which I was not familiar.

The Post also checked in with Col. Ricky Gibbs, who is helping Sunnis form militias in Baghdad itself. He was telling some Sunni leaders (however that is defined – the article doesn’t say), “You have the green light. But they have to follow the rules. You can’t just shoot anybody. No vengeance . . . But the bad guys -- I don’t care. Go get them.” See, now they know they can only shoot “bad guys.” I don’t see what could possibly go wrong with that.

I’m not really sure whether the American military types are really so stupid as to believe this is an effective military measure and that these militias in Anbar and now Baghdad will focus their lethal attentions exclusively on “Al Qaida in Iraq,” or if this is a “divide et impera” tactic to put pressure on Maliki and the Shiites – the longer you take passing an oil law, the more guns we’ll give to your enemies.

Sporty exchanges

At the UN, the Palestinian delegation is obstructing a Security Council expression of concern about conditions in Palestine.

The Hamas-controlled Gaza part of Palestine, that is.

The Daily Telegraph, which if you kind of squint at it looks a little like a real newspaper, reports, citing aides to both men, that Maliki has frequent shouting matches with David Petraeus and has demanded of Bush that Petraeus be recalled. AP doesn’t confirm that part, but does report that there have been what Ambassador Ryan Crocker calls “sporty exchanges” (he does not say what sport) (Crocker seems to have invented this phrase).

And Maliki’s spokesmodel responded with great tact to the demands of the Iraqi Accordance Front, a Sunni party threatening to pull out of the cabinet, accusing them of “threatening, pressuring and blackmail” in an attempt to “bring Iraq back to the time of dictatorship and slavery.”

Maliki especially dislikes Petraeus’s new policy of arming Sunni militias, and the Iraqi Accordance Front especially dislikes the presence of Shiite militiamen in the Iraqi military.

I’m going to play like I understand what all that means

Because the Dalai Lama has pronounced against the wearing of fur, the Chinese government has ordered that anyone attending a horse-racing festival in Tibet is required to wear fur.

Today Bush presented National Medal of Science and Technology awards, in the greatest collection of geeks and nerds in the White House since Jimmy Carter dined alone. They all had to bow their heads before their Chimpish Overlord.


Said Bush, “In a single room, we have thinkers who helped formulate and refine the Big Bang theory of the universe, the bootstrap re-sampling technique of statistics, the algebraic K-theory of mathematics. I’m going to play like I understand what all that means.” Dude, that’s taken as read for every single sentence you say, including “Mommy, I went poop now” this morning.

He called for “creat[ing] an ‘adjunct teachers corps’ of math and science professionals all aiming to bring their expertise into American classrooms. It’s not really what the aim is -- the aim is to make it clear to young Americans that being in science and engineering is okay; it’s cool; it’s a smart thing to do.” Why, someday you might get to stand next to a president of the United States with an IQ more than 100 points lower than yours. Isn’t that cool?

Staying strong when it comes to liberty as a transformative agent to bring the peace we want

Bush gave a speech today at something called the American Legislative Exchange Council (evidently a group of right-wing state legislators).

He told them, “I believe in that old Texas adage, if you don’t stand for something, you don’t believe in anything.” Or possibly vice versa. I’m pretty sure that’s not an old adage from Texas or anywhere else.

He says that a $2,200 tax break means a lot to the farmer “out there who’s worried about making crop”. Well, if he’s making crop rather than growing crops, that could be the problem right there.


IN OTHER WORDS: “Since August of 2003, when these tax cuts took full effect, we’ve increased new jobs by 8.2 million. In other words, people are working.”

IN OTHER WORDS: On Democrats in Congress: “In other words, they’re now in charge; it’s important that they exercise their responsibility.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, Tommy, we’ll be driving pickup trucks that may not be running on gasoline.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “We were attacked by a group of ruthless killers who have an ideology. In other words, they believe something.”

THE EVER-POPULAR, DEATH-DEFYING DOUBLE IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there wasn’t enough security at the time -- in other words, enough confidence in the security at the time amongst the Iraqi people to be able to stop people from fighting each other.”

He wants the Pentagon budget passed before any of the other appropriations bill, and before the August recess. “We got troops in harm’s way.”

He wants to do something about earmarks, which these time he didn’t call entitlements, because – and see if you can read this without laughing – “I believe in accountability when it comes to spending your money. We want there to be transparency.”

He reiterated his belief that “some unbelievable technologies,” “optimistic things that are coming” will take care of all our energy and environmental problems without anybody having to change their lifestyle or – heaven forfend – drive a vehicle that looks like a golf cart. “I mean, we’ve got a comprehensive plan that says, technology and free enterprise can help us achieve energy independence. That’s what we want.”

“You know, one of the real problems we have in America is an achievement gap. I guess that’s a fancy word for saying that generally Anglo kids are doing better in the basics than African American or Latino kids.” He thinks “achievement gap” is one word. Excuse me, achievementgap. Say, that is a fancy word.

The achievementgap is a problem because “The economy is going to demand brain power as we head into the 21st century”. Sure, because we’ll be fueling those vehicles that don’t look like golf carts...with brains. “It’s people! Chevron Green is made out of people!!”

I’ve been cutting down on the number of Bush grammatical mistakes I point out in each of these Bush-speech posts, because it just gets long and tedious, with all the subject/verb agreement issues and the dropped articles, but who can resist when the subject is education: “When you find an inner-city kid that may not have the right curriculum to get he or she up to the grade level at the 4th grade, let’s solve it now”.


And, of course, he spoke about The War Against Terror (TWAT). “When I talk about a caliphate that stretches from Spain to Indonesia, that means that they want to impose their ideology on people.”

And what would such a caliphate be like? “Well, I just want you to remember -- think what it would be like to be a young girl growing up in Afghanistan, when they were able to find their safe haven and impose their vision across that country.” Note that he thinks Afghanistan was ruled by Al Qaida.

“These people, they’re smart, they’re tough, and we need to be tougher every single day.” Evidently we don’t also need to be smarter than them. Hate for George to strain something.

“See, they understand when they fill our TV screens with death and misery it causes a compassionate people to recoil.” Also, any stories about Lindsay Lohan. “They know that we value human life, and therefore, when they take human life it affects how the American people feel.”

He carefully analyzes these wannabe tv producers: “And then this enemy -- and the enemy, by the way, is comprised of people who wish they were still in power, disgruntled militia that are trying to make -- see if they can’t take advantage of some chaos. But the enemy that is causing the biggest spectaculars is al Qaeda.”

He says there is a debate in Washington, “well, is the al Qaeda in Iraq have anything to do with the al Qaeda that’s hiding out somewhere in the regions of Afghanistan and Pakistan? There’s some actually who say, well, they’re different”. George, of course, thinks differently: “And they have sworn allegiance to Osama bin Laden, and they agree that Iraq is the central part of this war on terror, with Osama bin Laden. And they agree with his ambition to drive us out so they could have a safe haven from which to plot further attacks. Yes, al Qaeda in Iraq is dangerous to the United States of America. They blew up the holy shrine. They saw the progress being made; they can’t stand the thought of a free society that will thwart their ambitions, and they blew up the shrine.” I’ve been trying to decide whether to call this strategy of obfuscatory revisionism 1) rebunking or 2) embunkening. What do you think?


“It’s really interesting to watch this counterinsurgency strategy work. I mean, when people on the ground begin to have confidence, they, all of a sudden, start making good decisions for a state that will represent their interests.”

There were a couple of other “All of a sudden”s. That’s one of his phrases that you don’t hear for a while, then he can’t shut it off. “Then all of a sudden, you begin to get a sense of our strategy on how to handle the deficit...” “And all of a sudden, we put more Marines in, the people saw things change on the ground...”

George has a curious faith in the power of motherhood, considering the hell-beast who spawned him: “See, I believe most Muslim mothers, for example, want their child to grow up in peace. I believe there’s something universal about motherhood. I don’t think mothers in America think necessarily different from mothers in Iraq. I think the mother in Iraq says, gosh, I hope for the day when my child can go outside and play and not fear violence”. What’s the Arabic for gosh?

BEGIN THE BEGUINE: “And when people begin to see that these thugs that have a dark vision begin to get defeated, people begin to change attitudes.”

WHO IS MORE CONFUSED IN THIS SENTENCE, BUSH, AL QAIDA IN IRAQ, OR MANY EXPERTS? YOU BE THE JUDGE: “Last November, many experts said that Anbar province, which al Qaeda in Iraq has stated as their -- that they wanted as a safe haven -- this was going to be where they were going to launch their caliphate from -- they said, we can’t win there.”

“Now, I know that the car bombs that take place tend to cloud people’s vision.” Is that how The Shadow did it? I always wondered.

If you’re counting the pop cultural references in this post, that’s Soylent Green, Lindsay Lohan, Cole Porter, and The Shadow. I’m nothing if not versatile.

“See, unlike some wars, this enemy wouldn’t be content to stay in Iraq.” Well, sure, have you seen Iraq lately? “They would follow us here.... They’re dangerous in Iraq, and they’ll be dangerous here.”

And he concluded: “But I would remind you, in the long run, the best way for your children and grandchildren to be able to say that when given a tough task, this generation didn’t flinch, and had certain faith -- had faith in certain values -- is that we stay strong when it comes to liberty as a transformative agent to bring the peace we want.”

And then he went home for the Special Olympics Global Law Enforcement Torch Run Ceremony. No idea what that is. I’m thinking Don Knotts in the Andy Griffith Show and Murray the Cop in The Odd Couple. Caption contest:

A proud moment for George W. Bush

Tony Blair says there is a “sense of possibility at the moment” in the Middle East. He does not say if there is a possibility of sense.

Lance Cpl Stephen Tatum said (not under oath) at his hearing that during the Haditha Massacre, he killed civilians in their home because he didn’t know that there were civilians in civilian homes: “I didn’t know there was women and children in that house until later.” In fact, he had another word for them: “I really couldn’t make out more than targets.” He said that if he had known, “I would have physically stopped everybody in that room from shooting.” However, witnesses have testified that he was told, gave an order to kill them, then went back and did it himself. Also, last year he told investigators, “targets women and kids can hurt you, too.”

And in the court-martial of Sgt. Lawrence Hutchins III, the mastermind behind the abduction and murder of Awad the Lame, we are told that he hatched the plan after hearing that another squad had kidnapped and murdered a suspected insurgent and got away with it. Hutchins’s lawyer says that at the time he was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder and poor leadership. For example, he was once ordered to choke a prisoner into unconsciousness.

According to the NYT, every week or two Bush calls up Maliki and they have a drunken discussion about God, or something.

Bush held a little photo op as he received the report from Donna Shalala and Elizabeth Dole on the medical treatment of wounded soldiers. “And so they took a very interesting approach. They took the perspective from the patient”. Also present, Bob Woodruff of ABC, who was injured in Iraq. Bush told him, “Congratulations on the will to recover.”

Bush’s handlers decided that he should celebrate that report and demonstrate his commitment to the wounded by going jogging with two of them.


Afterwards, he said, “Running with these two men is incredibly inspirational for me.” So it was all worth while.


“And it should be inspirational to anybody who has been dealt a tough hand.” No, no, George, it’s their legs that are made of metal, their legs.


He added, “It’s a proud moment for me, a proud moment.” It was unclear what he felt he had to be proud of.

There’s a good reason they are called Al Qaida in Iraq

This morning, Bush was thrilled – maybe a little too thrilled – to be going on a little field trip.


In the company of a wax replica of Lindsey Graham, Bush visited Charleston Air Force Base and toured the cargo loading operations or, as he put it, “Nice big airplanes carrying a lot of cargo.”


He gave a speech devoted to playing up the role of Al Qaida in Iraq and to denying “that the organization called al Qaeda in Iraq is an Iraqi phenomenon, that it’s independent of Osama bin Laden and that it’s not interested in attacking America.” “That would be news to Osama bin Laden,” he said. So that’s one guy totally out of touch with reality defending his delusions by quoting another guy totally out of touch with reality.


And, of course, there’s the Oath. “It’s hard to argue that al Qaida in Iraq is separate from bin Laden’s al Qaida, when the leader of al Qaida in Iraq [Zarqawi] took an oath of allegiance to Osama bin Laden.” And you took an oath to uphold and defend the constitution of the United States, but that didn’t turn out to mean very much, now did it?

Last week, the Pentagon was claiming that the Iraqi head of AQI, Umar al Baghdadi, never existed. Today, Bush said Baghdadi is “only an actor.” Possibly Fred Thompson.

Bush’s logic is impeccable: “They know they’re al Qaida. The Iraqi people know they are al Qaida. People across the Muslim world know they are al Qaida. And there’s a good reason they are called al Qaida in Iraq: They are al Qaida ... in ... Iraq.” Also, there’s a good reason it’s called Alice in Wonderland. Just saying.


More of his diamond-cutter logic: “Yet despite all the evidence, some will tell you that al Qaida in Iraq is not really al Qaida -- and not really a threat to America. Well, that’s like watching a man walk into a bank with a mask and a gun, and saying he’s probably just there to cash a check.” Er, how is it like that?

So to summarize, the war in Iraq is not a distraction from the fight against terrorism: “We are fighting bin Laden’s al Qaida in Iraq.”


As Bush is now portraying the war, Iraq itself is more or less irrelevant to the war taking place in it, as are the Iraqi people, so it doesn’t matter if they never get their shit together, achieve a single benchmark, or if the Iraqi parliament ever comes back from its August recess.

Democratic debate: You can now, John, go to Hanoi and get a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cone

Transcript.

Personally, I think if they were going to have a YouTube debate, the candidates should have had to respond to whatever the top 10 YouTube videos were today. We need to know what Kucinich thinks of the cat who plays the piano, what Christopher Dodd thinks of the trailer for the Simpsons movie, and everybody’s opinion of Jessica Biel’s butt.

Hillary is asked if she’s a liberal. She prefers the word progressive, which has “a real American meaning,” or did right up until the moment when she appropriated it and emptied it of any meaning.


Asked to demonstrate their bi-partisanship by naming a Republican they could choose as their running mate, if they were running for president in a wacky sitcom shown only on YouTube, Biden says Chuck Hagel. Sadly, no one else is asked. At the risk of sounding like those knuckleheads at unity08.com, where I’ve seen people seriously propose that Obama and McCain run together, what Republican would be a good – and by good of course I mean amusing – veep for Hillary, Edwards, or whomever? Include an explanation if necessary. And no fair everybody suggesting David Vitter for Hillary.


Reparations for black people (actually, “is African-Americans ever going to get reparations for slavery?” I guess no one posted a video on the subject using grammatical English, huh CNN?): Barack does not take the opportunity to mention that he probably wouldn’t qualify because his ancestors weren’t slaves. Kucinich is the only candidate who supports them (though he doesn’t say how much), making him the instant frontrunner among former slaves, assuming he wasn’t already.

Obama, in a haircut that makes his ears look huuuuuge from certain angles, says he is authentically black because he can’t get a cab in Manhattan.


Hillary says she is authentically female. We’ll take her word for it.

Edwards says he is authentically pretty.

Two underlit lesbians ask if the candidates would let them marry... each other. Kucinich says yes, making him the instant frontrunner among underlit lesbians, assuming he wasn’t already. Dodd says civil unions yes, marriage no. Ditto Richardson, with full marriage rights. Edwards says it is a very difficult issue for him. Poor baby.


Asked about Darfur, Biden said, “Those kids will be dead by the time the diplomacy [Richardson talked about diplomacy] is over. I’m not joking.” Thank you for clearing that up.

Gravel says the Vietnam War was in vain because you can buy a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cone in Hanoi. Ho Ho Ho Chi mint. Let’s see, 55,000 American lives divided by 31 flavors...

Wait, doesn’t that mean we won? Otherwise, Baskin-Robbins here would have only one flavor, rice.

Obama says that troops never die in vain.


Everyone says women should register for the draft. Asks Gravel, who you’d really think would have found out at his age, “What’s the difference?”

Hillary is asked if Arab leaders would take her, a woman, seriously. Yes, she says, pretty much everyone finds me scary.


The candidates are asked if they sent their children to public or private schools, and whether they told their children about sex with medically-correct and age-appropriate terms. Hillary said she just handed Chelsea a copy of the Starr Report.

A video from someone in their bathroom in wacky Berkeley (which CNN spells Berkely) asked something about compact flourescent bulbs. Edwards said their harsh light takes away from his prettiness. Yes, I’m totally making up the answers now. I lost interest about the time they were asked who their favorite teachers were.


I couldn’t quite see, but it looked like they all raised their hands when asked if they flew to the debate on a private jet, except Gravel, who took the train. Obama says he would have taken a cab from Manhattan, but, well, you know.

Asked about health care, Edwards talked about his three-day Poverty Tour (evidently you can see all of it in three days, if you’re using a private jet), in which he met a guy who couldn’t talk until he got his cleft palate repaired when he was 50. Everyone looked at Biden and sighed, for some reason.


A scary man asked if they would take away his semi-automatic (which he called his baby). Biden said yes. He will be missed.

I set the recorder for 5 minutes overtime but they went longer still. Just as it cut out, Edwards was criticizing Hillary’s coat. He will be missed.

A question of national dignity

Hugo Chavez asks, “How long are we going to allow a person -- from any country in the world -- to come to our own house to say there’s a dictatorship here, that the president is a tyrant, and nobody does anything about it? ... It cannot be allowed - it is a question of national dignity.” So he promises to expel any foreign national who criticizes him. That’ll show ‘em he’s not a tyrant.

Also, he said that his proposal to abolish term limits applies only to his office, because he is involved in “national integration,” and not to mayors, governors, etc, because what they do is partisan politics.

Weird-ass headline of the day

“Bush Reclaims Powers After Colonoscopy.”

We will help you

Thank god, the long national nightmare of the Cheney presidency is over.

Corp. Trent Thomas says that it was God’s will that he not go to jail for killing Awad the Lame: “God’s willing for me to get out.” Also, that kidnapping and murdering a civilian was entirely justified: “I believe we did what we needed to do save Marines’ lives. I think anybody who understands what war is or what combat is understands.” The LAT analyzes why Thomas is a free man, and is the first newspaper to mention his race.

The RAND Corporation produced a report (pdf) for the Pentagon, Enlisting Madison Avenue: The Marketing Approach to Earning Popular Support in Theaters of Operation. They must know something about marketing the unmarketable: they got the Pentagon to spend $400,000 on this study. Which is about the need to change the “branding” of the Iraq and Afghan wars, because if there’s been anything missing in these wars, it’s “the application of select, proven commercial marketing techniques.” Which the authors like to call “shaping,” as in, “To ensure victory, U.S. forces must effectively shape the indigenous population.”

“It is exceedingly difficult to identify target audiences in complex and dangerous operating environments, and there is often a lack of access to segments of a population critical to conducting message pretesting.” Yes, it’s hard to run a focus group in a war zone. (When I wrote that, I was mocking. But on page 46 they do actually call for focus groups, quoting someone complaining that “products” intended for use on the Taliban were being “pretested” on civilians rather than on Taliban prisoners.) (And on pages 63-4, it discusses the difficulties in doing surveys before the actual invasion, suggesting “virtual focus groups with members of the population via Internet chat rooms.”)

A failure to synchronize messages is called “information fratricide.”

“First, the U.S. military should adopt the business strategy of segmentation and targeting whereby it would partition the indigenous population into selected groups based on their
level of anticipated support for coalition presence and objectives. Positioning is another marketing tool of potential value, one used to create an intended identity for each product that is meaningful, salient, and motivating to the consumer marketplace.”

“Customer satisfaction refers to the level of contentment consumers experience after using a product or service. Popular satisfaction with U.S. force presence can similarly determine allegiances.”

Soldiers should be issued “smart cards containing shaping themes.”

It suggests “harness[ing] the influencing power of indigenous government employees and security forces by having them keep blogs about their experiences with coalition forces and the indigenous government.”

It notes that the enemy too engages in “shaping” activities: intimidating journalists, filming their operations, providing basic services, that sort of thing. Also, culturally specific things like issuing fatwas. “These are particularly challenging to U.S. shaping efforts, as there is little opportunity to reply in kind.”

It documents several inadvertent affronts to Muslim sensibilities: “As coalition helicopters fly over urban areas, the gunners, whose feet hang from the aircraft, have inadvertently offended thousands of Iraqis who gaze above. Similarly, the use of dogs in house-to-house searches and the wearing of dark sunglasses have also angered some in the Iraqi population.”

“Interactions between U.S. service personnel and civilians drive popular perceptions of the U.S. force. Business practices that help align customer service representative actions with the intended brand identity can benefit the U.S. military.”

“Brands such as Starbucks and Apple have captured the hearts and minds of consumers and have reaped financial windfalls in return.” Hey, Trent Thomas is available for one of those “I’m a Mac”/“I’m a PC” commercials.

The keys to branding: “Know your target audience through segmentation and targeting.” I think the Iraqis have really had quite enough of segmentation and targeting. “Strategically synchronize the U.S. military brand.”

“These perceptions will constitute the U.S. military brand identity and will heavily influence how the population aligns its support. A force that is perceived as helpful and serving the best interests of the population will be far better accepted than a force perceived as hostile, insensitive, and rude.” Did I mention the Pentagon paid $400,000?

“Like commercial firms that must update unattractive brand identities, so too should the United States consider updating its military’s brand identity to suit current and future operational environments.” See, the problem is that “Since before World War II, the U.S. military has developed a brand identity based on a force of might.” And this brand identity is out of date for counter-insurgency wars.

They suggest the brand identity “We will help you.”


The main difficulty establishing that brand identity is when the US military goes out and kills people: “Virtually any kinetic operation has the potential to alienate civilians.”

If you kick down doors, they suggest, have someone there to fix the doors. If you accidentally kill someone and give out one of those $2,500 condolence payments, “determine whether the indigenous population and the afflicted families accept the prescribed payment as fair and reasonable.”

Try to achieve “customer satisfaction.”

The Marine Corps, it’s me

An email from the McCain campaign presents yet more fun facts about John McCain: John McCain’s favorite movies include “Letters from Iwo Jima” and “Some Like it Hot.” His favorite actors include Marlon Brando and Marilyn Monroe.

Bush, today: “Failure in Iraq would send an unmistakable signal to America’s enemies that our country can be bullied into retreat.” Bullied. Bullied!

Interesting factoid, in a BBC article about the Uganda government’s plan to introduce compulsory military training: there’s only one African country with a military draft, Eritrea.

Yesterday in the hearing for Lance Cpl. Stephen Tatum re the Haditha Massacre, there was a debate over what the evidence showed about the death of a 4-year old boy. The investigator believes someone stood over him and deliberately executed him. Tatum’s lawyer proposed that “it was much more likely that the boy had been huddled at a woman’s bosom when the Marines burst into the room and sprayed it with gunfire after first tossing in a grenade.” So that’s okay, then.

“Insultingly light sentence,” I predicted. Corp. Trent Thomas was sentenced to zero jail time for the killing of Awad the Lame. He has been reduced to a private and been given a bad conduct discharge from the Marine Corps. Thomas had begged to be allowed to stay in the Marines: “I’ve never been good at anything until I came to the Marine Corps. It’s pretty obvious Michael Jordan was meant to play basketball. Tiger Woods was meant to play golf. The Marine Corps, it’s me.”

Bush and Sugar Ray Leonard. You know, I’m not ordinarily a big fan of the pugilistic arts, but...

And they are an enemy and they’re real and they’re active

From the Pentagon’s website we learn today that 1) reports of civilian casualties in Afghanistan are often exaggerated, according to Gen. Dan McNeill, 2) they claim to have captured the highest-ranking Iraqi in Al Qaida in Iraq, one Khalid Abdul Fatah Daud Mahmud al-Mashadani, gotten a complete statement out of him in under two weeks using only kindness and Hostess Twinkies, in which he confessed that AQI is a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham, a mere shell behind which lurk foreign puppet-masters. Why, they even invented a wholly fictitious Iraqi head of AQI, Umar al Baghdadi, to fool Iraqis and members of the Democratic Party into believing that AQI is a nationalist organization rather than being precisely the same people who attacked the United States on September 11th. Well, this should be a, how do we put it, moment of clarity.

Rhode Island Governor Don Carcieri vetoed a bill which would have required insurance policies to cover infertility treatment for unmarried people. “As a matter of public policy, the state should be encouraging the birth of children to two-parent families, not the reverse,” he said in his veto message. Wouldn’t the reverse be children giving birth to two-parent families? Lesbians and other unmarried infertile people will still presumably pay the same amount as others for policies that cover less. Health insurance is supposed to be about health, not “morality.”

Bush gave a speech at the Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center in Nashville. He was met at the airport by Joe Downs, who had his legs blown off by an IED in Iraq.


Said Bush, “We’re going to get him some new legs, and if he hurries up, he can outrun me on the South Lawn of the White House.”

Life is very simple for George, because every single problem has the same solution: “We were confronted -- this administration has confronted some difficult economic times, particularly earlier in this administration. There was a recession. There were the terrorist attacks that affected the economy in a very direct way. There were corporate scandals which created some thousand -- uncertainty about our system that needed to be corrected. And we responded to those problems by cutting taxes.”


WAIT, I’M PRETTY SURE IT STARTS WITH AN E. ELEPHANT? ESOPHAGUS? “They ought not to be trying to slip special spending measures in there without full transparency and full debate -- those are called entitlements.”

He explained the “interesting relationship between the President and the Congress.” Not surprisingly, he got it wrong: “The President [sic] has got the right to initiate spending bills -- and they do; they’ve got the right to decide how much money is spent. And I’ve got the right to accept whether or not the amount of money they spend is the right amount. [CONDESCENSION ALERT! CONDESCENSION ALERT!] That’s what’s called the veto.”


Over the course of the meeting, Bush found many, many things “interesting,” among them: the “interesting problem” of immigration, his friendship with Koizumi, this “interesting time” at the beginning of the “long ideological struggle,” the “interesting management challenges” in the Department of Homeland Security. Also: “What’s interesting about the world in which we live, there’s no question there’s the electronic media that people watch, but there’s also the blogosphere”. “The interesting thing about this fight in Iraq is that the families and the troops have got a really different view, in many ways, than a lot of other folks do”. “I’ll tell you something interesting in meeting with the families of the fallen. I get all kinds of opinions, of course. But one of the most universal opinions I get is one, I’m proud of my son; two, he was a volunteer; and three, do not let his life be in vain, Mr. President, you complete the mission.” “See, one of the interesting things about this war I forgot to tell you is, unlike, say, the Vietnam War, that if we fail in Iraq, the enemy won’t be content to stay there.” And finally, this very Q&A session was an “interesting exchange.”


Answering a question on immigration (the only half-way critical questions were on that issue), he said, “Some say, well, force Americans to do the jobs they’re unwilling to do.” Okay, who are the people who want to repeal the 13th Amendment? I want names.

ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS: “We have been a fabulous country when it comes to assimilating people. ... So the question people say is, well, certain people can’t assimilate. ... We must never lose faith in our capacity for people to assimilate.”

A WHOLE LOT OF SWEARING: “people ask me, are these really al Qaeda? Well, they have sworn allegiance to Osama bin Laden; what else are they?” “But I want to remind our fellow citizens that much of the violence they’re seeing on their TV screens in Iraq is perpetuated by the very same people that came and killed 3,000 of our citizens. People sworn [CONDESCENSION ALERT! CONDESCENSION ALERT!] – not the exact same person; those are dead who got on the airplanes – but they have sworn allegiance to Osama, just like the killers in Iraq have sworn allegiance to Osama bin Laden.”

“The enemy, by the way, defines success as, can they pull off a car bombing. If we ever allow ourselves to get in a position where it’s ‘no car bombings, therefore we’re successful,’ we’ve just handed these killers a great victory.”


“So there’s a province called Anbar province... where al Qaeda had declared its intention to really drive us out and establish a safe haven, with the declared intention of spreading -- using it as a base to spread their ideology throughout the Middle East, as well as a safe haven from which to make sure that they inflict enough pain on us that we actually help them by leaving. I know this is farfetched for some Americans to think that people think this way; this is the nature of the enemy. And they are an enemy and they’re real and they’re active.” What do you mean, farfetched for Americans that people think this way? Occupying a geographic region, spreading an ideology throughout the Middle East, inflicting pain on the enemy, isn’t that your plan? Anyway, he says that “it turns out that many people in Anbar hate violence.” Who knew? But “they may distrust their central government because it’s new.” Yeah, that’s why they distrust the Maliki regime, it’s newness. (In the referendum, by the way, Anbar voted against the constitution 96.9%.)

He said he decided “it just wasn’t the right decision” to send troops into Darfur unilaterally (he gave no reason why it wasn’t the right decision – actually, has he ever?), and so it requires international collaboration, but only the US has called what’s going on there genocide. But it’s not like we’ve done nothing: “we have put serious economic sanctions on three individuals” and “sanctioned” some companies. “In other words, we’re trying to be consequential. We’re trying to say that, you know, change, or there’s consequences.” If someone’s keeping a list of words Bush doesn’t know the meaning of, add “consequential.”

And sharp-eyed readers will have noted an “In Other Words.” There were 10 in this meeting, including this one: “But it also means that the English muffin manufacturing company -- English muffin machine manufacturing company is more likely to have work. In other words, there’s an effect, the tax code can affect commerce.”

And then he went home. Say, George, how did it go?

Finally, George Bush helps out the troops

AP headline: “Army Program Teaches Troops to Recognize Brain Injury.”

Guilty-ish

Corp. Trent Thomas has been convicted of kidnapping and conspiring to murder Awad the Lame, but not for premeditated murder, making a false official statement, housebreaking or larceny. Now, if he was guilty of the things he was convicted of, then he was guilty of all the other charges, which were elements of the same crime. So what the jury did was to “compromise” with the facts in order to avoid the mandatory life sentence attached to the premeditated murder charge and allow themselves to give Thomas what I predict will be an insultingly light sentence.

Fun fact about courts martial: the jurors vote by secret ballot.

Two more courts martial in this case will begin later this month.

Unfiltered

News Story That Makes Us Feel All Conflicted of The Day: “A new prosthesis under development will give servicemember amputees more flexibility and...” wait for it... “help them better perform their military jobs if they choose to stay on active duty.”


Usually when I think about commenting on a David Brooks column, I take a deep breath and decide that life is too short. Tuesday, however, he wrote about that Bush meeting with right-wing journalists. Brooks quotes Bush as saying that his belief in the inevitable progress of freedom and democracy is a “theological perspective.” You know, gift from the Almighty, that kind of thing. The rest of the column is about how Bush believes in leaders. “When Bush is asked about military strategy, he talks about the leadership qualities of his top generals. ... When Bush talks about world affairs more generally, he talks about national leaders.” Brooks, being a nitwit, doesn’t perceive any contradiction between Bush’s talk about democracy and his upholding of the führerprinzip.

The most interesting sentence in the column is “Bush said he will get General Petraeus’s views unfiltered by the Pentagon establishment.” He probably used that word too, since during the meeting he also talked about promoting the good news about Iraq, “tangible evidence that even the filter can’t filter out”. He still hasn’t learned a thing about the need to get multiple points of view, and still automatically discards any analysis that comes from an institution rather than an individual.

Today, Bush visited a company that makes underwater computer keyboards.


And just as this fabulous product gives people the choice of surfing the internet beneath the sea, Bush talked about giving people more choice in health insurance. He’s against it. Well, he’s against it if one of the choices is provided by the government. He opposes the proposed expansion of the S-CHIP program because it “would cause people to drop their private insurance in order to be involved with a government insurance plan.” Is it me, or is he saying that the possibility that people might prefer it is a reason it’s a bad idea? Also, “I believe government cannot provide affordable health care.” Which would astonish the citizens of every other advanced industrial country in the world, but again, it’s a voluntary program; if it’s not affordable, people won’t sign up for it. “I believe it would cause -- it would cause the quality of care to diminish. I believe there would be lines and rationing over time.”


A Bush line I didn’t catch in yesterday’s session with Ban-Ki-Moon until I heard it on the BBC: Al Qaida is weaker now than in 2001 “because we’ve been working with the world to keep the pressure on”. Evidently he doesn’t realize that the United States is, actually, part of the world. Which would explain a lot.

This one’s for you: ||||||||||||||||||||||||

The Haditha Massacre hearing for Lance Cpl. Stephen Tatum heard today from another corporal who shot a few people that day but was given immunity. Cpl. Humberto Manuel Mendoza says that when they raided a house, shooting a man in the house for, you know, looking at them, he found two women and several children in a bedroom, informed Tatum, who said, “Well, shoot them.” Tatum then went back and did it himself (in the news reports I’ve read, the names and ages of the dead are nowhere to be found). Tatum would later tell investigators, “women and kids can hurt you, too,” adding, “I stand fast in my decisions that day, as I reacted to the threats that I perceived at that time.” Threats like women and kids. Which are the sort of people you tend to find in, you know, homes. Tatum was known to opine (this is after the massacre) that the way to fight a war is to go into a city and kill every living thing.

You’ll remember that the Haditha Massacre began after a roadside bomb killed a Marine. When the unit sent the Marine’s pack to his parents, they signed it, Tatum adding 24 hatch marks, representing every civilian massacred at Haditha, and the words “This one’s for you.” Tatum’s lawyer suggested the marks referred to a rosary.

And in the other war crimes trial I’ve been following, Trent Thomas’s court-martial concluded today, with his lawyer claiming that the prosecution never claimed that the man Thomas murdered was in fact Awad the Lame or even an Iraqi, so he should be acquitted. Not sure I follow the logic. “There was not murder. There was a killing,” he said. Well that’s okay then.

Vanity Fair has an article on the development of torture techniques by a couple of Mormon psychologists the government hired with your tax dollars. Subtle stuff, as you’d expect from a psychologist. Actually, the authors don’t know if the CIA actually did use that coffin they built to soften up Abu Zubaydah by burying him alive... but the idea was approved by White House lawyers.

So which candidate is in favor of indolence and perversions, ‘cause I’d totally vote for that guy

In a new ad, Mitt Romney says that he wants to engage in a culture war, get rid of sex and violence on tv and in the movies, cancel “Big Love,” and eliminate “indolence and perversions.” For the children. For the children.

If you eliminated indolence and perversions, what would Americans do in the evening? There’s only so much Scrabble you can play, and he probably wouldn’t even allow Strip Scrabble.

I just thought up Strip Scrabble, right then, but I’ve googled it and there are 675 hits. Romney has his work cut out for him.

Today Bush met with UN Secretary General Ban-Ki-Moon. Evidently they “discussed a lot of issues.” Such as “the potential trial for -- about Hariri.” Trial? Of whom?

“And one of the things I briefed the Secretary on was my views about extremism and these radicals that will do anything to disrupt the goals set by the United Nations and/or disrupt the advance of democracy in peaceful societies.” 1) In normal usage, you “brief” someone about something factual, not about your views. Like his use of “remind” (discussed here yesterday), he is failing to distinguish reality from opinion. 2) What peaceful societies?

He said that Al Qaida is much weaker than it was before 9/11, and that it “would have been a heck of a lot stronger today had we not stayed on the offense.”

Let’s compare and contrast Bush’s remarks with the National Intelligence Estimate released today, entitled “The Terrorist Threat to the Homeland,” or at least the two-page summary of the NIE we’re allowed to see (pages 6-7). It says that “the United States currently is in a heightened threat environment” and strongly indicates that the war in Iraq is the thing heightening the threat environment. (Threat environment is a weird little phrase, isn’t it?) How does that work?

we assess that al-Qa’ida will probably seek to leverage the contacts and capabilities of al-Qa’ida in Iraq (AQI), its most visible and capable affiliate and the only one known to have expressed a desire to attack the Homeland. In addition, we assess that its association with AQI helps al-Qa’ida to energize the broader Sunni extremist community, raise resources, and to recruit and indoctrinate operatives, including for Homeland attacks.

While Bush says “these killers in Iraq... have sworn allegiance to the very same man who ordered the attack on September the 11th, 2001, Osama bin Laden,” the NIE uses the words affiliate and association to describe the relationship, highly imprecise words that don’t say much about the nature of that connection. Although my favorite near-meaningless word in that paragraph is “leverage.” We’re meant to understand that AQ can order AQI to send people to the US, excuse me, the Homeland to engage in terrorist attacks, but they’re rather careful not to say that AQ has that sort of control over AQI.

Also, of course, it was the American occupation of Iraq that produced this entirely new body, Al Qaida in Iraq, and what is “energiz[ing] the broader Sunni extremist community” is not either group using the name Al Qaida, but the occupation itself.

Bush said that “these killers in Iraq... want us to leave parts of the world, like Iraq, so they can establish a safe haven from which to spread their poisonous ideology.” But the report says that no safe haven is actually required:

globalization trends and recent technological advances will continue to enable even small numbers of alienated people to find and connect with one another, justify and intensify their anger, and mobilize resources to attack – all without requiring a centralized terrorist organization, training camp, or leader.

You know what else recent technological advances are good for? Indolence and perversions. Just sayin’.

Deadly force is the proper response to a threat

Today in the court-martial of Corp. Trent Thomas for the murder of Awad the Lame, a doctor at the Naval Medical Center in Bethesda claimed that because Thomas was so often exposed to bomb blasts in Iraq, he may have received a hitherto unnoticed brain injury that caused him to be incapable of saying no to orders.

But how does that explain the same symptoms in [insert name of idiot pro-war politician of your choice here]?

In another war-crimes trial, that of Lance Cpl. Stephen Tatum for his part in the Haditha Massacre, Tatum’s lawyer insisted that he was under attack, or at least that he’d heard a metallic sound which might have indicated that he was under attack, or at least that he knew a house was “hostile” because his squad leader was shooting at it, so he did too. The lawyer argued, “He was taught that deadly force is the proper response to a threat.” Actually, his rules of engagement said he also had to know what he was shooting at, it was written down on a card and everything, but his lawyer says they can’t prove he actually had the card at the time. He added, “We would have chaos on the battlefield if every lance corporal questioned every order given by a staff sergeant.” Yes, much better to have a mass slaughter of civilians than to have chaos on the battlefield. Chaos is so... chaotic.

Securing the security of others

The alliterative Peter Pace says that he won’t predict the future in Iraq because things could magically improve, you just never know: “Look at al Anbar province. All it took was about 27 sheikhs to decide they had had enough of al Qaeda, and very quickly things changed.”

This morning, Bush met with Lech Kaczynski, the tiny adorable (but evil) twin president of Poland. He thanked him for “working on behalf of securing the security of others.”


Said Bush, “there’s no better symbol of our desire to work for peace and security than working on a missile defense system -- a missile defense system that would provide security for Europe from single or dual-launched regimes that may emanate from parts of the world where leaders don’t particularly care for our way of life, and/or in the process of trying to develop serious weapons of mass destruction.” As opposed to the frivolous weapons of mass destruction. And no, I have no idea what dual-launched regimes means, but I’m sure it’s very very important to keep them from emanating from parts of the world etcetera.

In a little speech about the Middle East today, Bush said, “This is a moment of clarity for all Palestinians.” Bushies (especially Condi, who probably wrote that line) like to talk about moments of clarity, by which they mean events which should prove even to the complete morons who somehow didn’t already agree with them that they were right all along. The phrase “moment of clarity” betokens an unwillingness to accept the legitimacy of other interpretations of reality than their own. Or even to recognize the difference between interpretation and reality. In his Friday meeting with conservative journalists (which I discussed 2 posts ago), Bush said he will “remind my fellow citizens of what the consequences of failure [in Iraq] will be.” “Remind” is a word Bush frequently misuses in this way, to blur fact and opinion. You can remind people of something factual, such as that Bismarck is the capital of North Dakota, but not of a speculation about the future.

The moment of clarity for the Palestinians is that they must now understand that Hamas are evil, evil I tell you. And they can either follow Hamas, which would “guarantee chaos, and suffering, and the endless perpetuation of grievance... surrender their future to Hamas’s foreign sponsors in Syria and Iran, [and] crush the possibility of any -- of a Palestinian state” or they can follow Abbas’s “vision of a peaceful state called Palestine”. So “the Palestinian people must decide that they want a future of decency and hope -- not a future of terror and death.” Also, paper or plastic.

For no particular reason, here is Condi Rice during the Bush/Kaczynski meeting,


and during Bush’s speech on Palestine.



So lonely, so lonely.

Brother from another planet

Yesterday, the White House hosted a game of tee ball or, as Bush called it, baseball. The event also honored Jackie Robinson. One of the guests was Marc Morial, president of the Urban League. Here is how Bush addressed him: “Marc, how you doing, brother?” George is so down with the homies.

You don’t know what it’s like to be commander-in-chief until you’re commander-in-chief

Friday, Bush spoke for an hour with some conservative journalists, to encourage them to cheer-lead for the war. Since there’s no transcript, I’d hoped to read reports by participants before posting, but Michael Barone believes it was against the rules to directly quote Bush, so I’m left with the account by Kate O’Beirne and Rich Lowry, who have a different understanding of the rules.

He began by saying that everything would turn out okay because “I strongly believe that Muslims desire to be free just like Methodists desire to be free.” Of course (some) Muslims also desire to kill people with whom they have ideological differences, just like (some) Methodists do.

He claimed to understand the frustration of the American people with the war, but said he still has “tools” such as “the bully pulpit and the ability to convince the American people.” Awww, he thinks he still has the ability to convince the American people. Isn’t that adorable?

That was a rhetorical question.

O’Beirne & Lowry say Bush “marveled” at a question he was asked in last Thursday’s press conference: “They asked me yesterday ‘Are you sure it’s al Qaeda [in Iraq]?’ ‘Yeah, how do you know?’ ‘Because they swore allegiance to Osama bin Laden is how I know. Yeah, it’s al Qaeda.’” Quod erat demonstrandum. Really, sometimes you just have to marvel all over again at the shallowness of his thought processes.

Bush, they say, “talked of a ‘ground-up’ approach to reconciliation [in Iraq].”


He’d also like reconciliation here, a “bipartisan consensus” to keep troops in Iraq for “a while.” “We need to be in a position that can sustain a long-term troop presence.”

And where are those troops coming from, since we’re going to run out of fresh troops in spring? “People said we couldn’t find the troops for [the “surge”] as well.” So that proves that we can always find more troops if he wishes really hard. Or something. Anyway, that sort of thing is for the little people to deal with: “I’m sure that in the bowels of the Pentagon people are looking at troop rotations and troop movements, but that is not the primary objective of our commander on the ground – next question!” So the bowels of the Pentagon will simply shit out more cannon fodder.

It’s so very lonely at the top: “You don’t know what it’s like to be commander-in-chief until you’re commander-in-chief.”

If somebody is worth shooting once, they’re worth shooting twice

Another corporal in Trent Thomas’s unit, Saul Lopezromo (who did not participate in the killing of Awad the Lame), testified that their unit had been criticized for not beating up enough Iraqis during their patrols. He also said that when Thomas shot Awad seven times after he had already been shot by others in the unit, he was engaging in what Marines call “dead-checking” (i.e., killing off the wounded rather than, say, providing medical care). “If somebody is worth shooting once, they’re worth shooting twice,” said the corporal, who said that dead-checking is routinely taught at Camp Pendleton boot camp. Um, someone might want to check into that.

He also said that shooting a random Iraqi was in fact “killing the enemy... Because of the way they live, the clans, they’re all in it together.” I see a bright career ahead of him in anthropology. Or genocide.

Awad the Lame, we hardly knew ye

The court-martial of Corp. Trent Thomas seems to be going pear-shaped. Prosecutors are saying that the murdered Iraqi may not have been Awad the Lame, although they’re also saying they have DNA evidence that he was, but they are changing his name on the charge sheet to “an unknown Iraqi.” I don’t know what that’s all about, and it doesn’t help that the only news source covering this case is the San Diego Union-Tribune. The defense is jumping on this confusion to claim that the guy killed in Awad the Lame’s home on the last day Awad the Lame was ever seen alive could have been anyone, even, Dum Dum DUMMMMM... an insurgent! Specifically, the cousin of the man the Marines intended to kidnap, frame and murder. Thomas’s lawyers seem to think that if the man his unit chose at random to kidnap, frame and murder when they couldn’t find the guy they wanted to kidnap, frame and murder was in fact an insurgent, then no crime was committed.

Is everyone ready? Then let’s begin.

In the weekly radio address, Bush said, “To begin to bring troops home before our commanders tell us we are ready would be dangerous for our country.” It used to be that we’d leave only after “victory.” Now, it’ll just be when we’re “ready.” And that judgement will be left to the people below him in the chain of command.

Another key word in that sentence: begin. It appears again a few sentences later: “Most Americans want to see two things in Iraq: They want to see our troops succeed, and they want to see our troops begin to come home.” Actually, I think most Americans want to see them actually come home. All of them. You, George, are the one who wants a permanent military presence.

In his press conference Thursday, Bush denied that Al Qaida is stronger now than it was before 9/11, but today he said that withdrawing from Iraq “would mean surrendering the future of Iraq to al Qaeda”. Dunno, seems to me that if that were true, then they’re at least a teensy bit stronger than they were six years ago.

$25 million? I don’t get out of bed for less than $40 million.

South Dakota resumes executions after 60 years.

Headline of the day, from the BBC: “Czech Castration Raises Worries.”

(Later): spoke too soon. Also from the BBC: “Pygmies Housed in Congo Zoo.”

The Senate voted to double the reward for the capture, dead or really, really dead, of Osama bin Laden, in case there was someone capable of doing that, but for whom $25 million was chump change.

Another New York Magazine competition. I only have three more. Does anyone have some old clippings (or a large stack of pre-2000 back issues in a closet somewhere) they’d like to share with the class?

11/1/99, new magazines.

Drunk Car & Driver.

Roughage Digest.

Big Fat Bride.

Today’s Governess.

Rod Stewart Living.

Popular Creation Science.

Nouveau Riche.

Power Luncher.

Schadenfreude.

Online Boyfriend.

Too Much Money.

Trophy Wife.

Alternative Lifestyles Bi-Monthly.

Loo Magazine.

Ennui Enthusiast.

Hats and Cattle.

Osama Bounty Hunter Monthly.

The last one is my addition, although if it had existed when the comp ran in 1999...

The complete collection of New York comps here.

Bush press conference: respecting the command structure

Bush held a press conference today, and this time there were no 13-year-old girls for him to make cry.

Really, he didn’t have anything new to say, though his faith in his old material is touching. So you might want to just look at the pictures, which pretty much tell you everything you need to know about George W. Bush.


He attacked the integrity of everyone who disagrees with his assessment of the war in Iraq. “When we start drawing down our forces in Iraq it will be because our military commanders say the conditions on the ground are right, not because pollsters say it will be good politics.” If you want to name the people you think are opposing the war because the pollster say it will be good politics, name them, otherwise just shut up. Also, a democracy doesn’t turn over its decisionmaking to its military commanders. (Indeed, he said that his waiting until David Petraeus reports in September before making any decisions is “respecting the command structure.”)


Congress, of course, is not actually in this command structure of which he speaks: “Congress has all the right in the world to fund. That’s their main involvement in this war, which is to provide funds for our troops.”

Later a reporter asked why, when he failed to send enough troops initially, and did everything else wrong since then, we should believe he has the “vision for victory,” he said historians will analyze that, and then blamed Tommy Franks and the commanders, which I guess is what he means by respecting the command structure. “I went to commander and commander that were all responsible of different aspects of the operation to remove Saddam. I said to each one of them, do you have what it takes?”


It’s not just poll-watching politicians whose integrity he questions: “I understand why the American people are -- you know, they’re tired of the war. There is -- people are -- there is a war fatigue in America. It’s affecting our psychology.” Personally, I’m not tired of the war, because I was never bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about the war, but it’s just plain insulting to claim that those who turned against the war did so because their “psychology” was “affected,” that they have no rational basis for their views.


And when asked later about the unpopularity of the war, he said, “And of course I’m concerned about whether or not the American people are in this fight. I believe, however, that when they really think about the consequences if we were to precipitously withdraw, they begin to say to themselves, maybe we ought to win this, maybe we ought to have a stable Iraq.” See, they just haven’t really thought about the consequences. When they do that, obviously they’ll agree that he was right all along. You wait and see.


“I cannot look a mother and father of a troop in the eye and say, I’m sending your kid into combat, but I don’t think we can achieve the objective. I wouldn’t do that to a parent or a husband or wife of a soldier.” No, he’d lie to them.


Maybe he’s not really saying that everyone we’re fighting is a member of Al Qaida, but that they’re actually the same 19 guys over and over, taking over new bodies every time the old one is killed, like some crappy horror movie. Or he’s like one of those girls who keep dating guys just like their abusive fathers, or something: “And one of the reasons it is hard work is because on our TV screens are these violent killings, perpetuated by people who have done us harm in the past.” “The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th”.

Asked specifically, “are you saying, sir, that al Qaeda in Iraq is the same organization being run by Osama bin Laden, himself?” he responded: “Al Qaeda in Iraq has sworn allegiance to Osama bin Laden.” Er, not really the same thing.


IN OTHER WORDS: “There are still car bombs, most of which have the al Qaeda signature on them...” Look for the union label, when you are buying explosives or bombs. “...but they’re declining. In other words, so there’s some measurable progress.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, sectarian violence was really raging.”


On Valerie Plame, Scooter Libby etc, and whether he’s disappointed in the behaviour of any of his advisers: “I’m aware of the fact that perhaps somebody in the administration did disclose the name of that person, and I’ve often thought about what would have happened had that person come forth and said, I did it.” Or if you’d actually asked them to do so. And... perhaps somebody in the administration disclosed her name? PERHAPS!?! “Would we have had this, you know, endless hours of investigation and a lot of money being spent on this matter?” Remember when he claimed to hate leaks? Now the only thing he deplores about the whole affair is the “endless hours of investigation” it exposed his staff to. “But it’s been a tough issue for a lot of people in the White House...” though not as tough for Scooter as it should have been, “and it’s run its course and now we’re going to move on.” Considering that at one point he makes fun of his father’s phrase “kinder and gentler,” what he just did is right out of Poppy’s Iran-Contra playbook: for years, Bush the Elder said that he’d love, really and truly love, to talk about his role in that, but there were still legal processes going on. When those were played out or thwarted by pardons, suddenly it was “old history” and not worth speaking about.


IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME: He said he would “consult with members of the Congress, both Republics and Democrats”. (The transcript says “Republicans.” The transcript lies.)

The Iraq benchmarks report, satisfactory progress, and the winds of Chamberlain

Israeli Minister of Evil Strategic Affairs, Unholy Avigdor Lieberman, told Israeli Army Radio Tuesday that Israel has been given permission by the US, NATO and Europe (he didn’t name actual names) to attack Iran’s nuclear facilities. “If we start military operations against Iran alone, then Europe and the US will support us,” he said. In an example of how different news sources can cover the same thing entirely differently, an AFP report on the interview skips that part but stresses Lieberman’s attack on the EU as appeasers of Iran: “The wind of Chamberlain is blowing over Europe.” I just got an image of Neville Chamberlain unfurling that rolled-up umbrella and flying away, Mary Poppins style, on the wind of Chamberlain.

The White House report on how Iraq is meeting those benchmarks is out, and rather than saying that Iraq has failed to meet any of the 18, it says that it’s “satisfactory” in 8, although its standards suggest that the Bush administration is very easily satisfied indeed. Mostly it achieves this by saying that “satisfactory progress” is being made towards the benchmark, which is as close to a meaningless standard as they could get. To be fair, this was the standard Congress asked for in the legislation mandating this report, which is therefore able to say “This report provides, consistent with the Act, an assessment of how the Iraqi Government is performing on 18 specified benchmarks, rather than the effects being generated.” So the tiniest move is considered progress, which is considered satisfactory. Sometimes just talking about it. While the progress towards achieving even-handedness by the security forces is rated satisfactory (but only because our standards are so very high), the government is praised because “Iraqi officials continue to communicate the importance that all terrorist organizations be targeted, regardless of their affiliation or ethnic background.” I think communication is so important, don’t you? The report adds coyly, “there remains one individual that Prime Minister Maliki has made the decision to delay targeting.”

One measure of success: “The [Anbar] provincial government -- for the first time in a year -- is now able to meet in the province”.

In other cases, it decides that the benchmarks are unimportant or even bad ideas, like amnesty (“there is no group for which amnesty would be appropriate”) or disarming the militias (“the necessary preconditions... such as political reconciliation and security provided by the government, do not yet exist”).

Many of the failed benchmarks are ones involving reconciliation, or the government ceasing to act in a sectarian fashion. These are deemed “lagging indicators,” a term I assume they focus-grouped and will be using often. This means that we shouldn’t take them as signs of failure because they will progress only after every last terrorist is hunted down and killed.

Bush’s press conference on this subject in my next post in a little bit. First, I have to lie down until that Neville Chamberlain image goes away.

Douchebag of the day

Lindsey Graham, yesterday, opposing a measure to give troops as much time out of combat zones as in them: “if you want to take care of the troops, let ‘em win.”

I just brought terror to someone under the American flag

Harriet Miers: from nominee to the highest court in the land to contempt of Congress in two short years. It would be so ironic if she wound up in jail. And by ironic I mean hilarious.

The Nation interviews some Americans who served in Iraq. “We always got the wrong house.” “I guess while I was there, the general attitude was, ‘A dead Iraqi is just another dead Iraqi.’” “I just remember thinking, ‘I just brought terror to someone under the American flag’.” Etc.

Sam Brownback is campaigning in Iowa accompanied by the brother of Terri Schiavo, a former Sudanese slave, and an aborted fetus. I’m making up the last part, but maybe I shouldn’t give him any ideas.

And Tom Tancredo is proposing refusing automatic citizenship to children born in the US unless one of their parents is a US citizen. This would leave millions stateless.

Hey, McCain, if you put on “gay sweaters” because your campaign staff tells you to, maybe the real problem is with you and not the staff?

Lady Bird Johnson, and friends:


Opening the new White House press room:

I’m a high expectations person

Oh sure, many of the top positions in the Department of Heimat Security remain unfilled, but who needs them when you’ve got Michael Chertoff, who is able to predict terrorist attacks in the US this summer because he has a “gut feeling.”

Bush spoke today to the Greater Cleveland Partnership. CLE+! CLE+!


He talked tough, even violently, about taxes: “we acted and cut taxes -- and cut them hard”.


Talking about taxes brought out the exceedingly rare triple – yes, I said triple – In Other Words: “Most small businesses are Subchapter S corporations or limited partnerships. In other words, they pay tax at the individual income tax rate. So, therefore, when you cut income taxes on everybody who pays taxes -- in other words, when you lower the rates, it affects the ability of small businesses to keep capital; in other words, keep more of what they earn.”

After that, the single In Other Words he used talking about health care was rather unsatisfying: “And the reason I emphasize private insurance, the best health care plan -- the best health care policy is one that emphasizes private health. In other words, the opposite of that would be government control of health care.” I think be believes that was some sort of logical argument. He says that he will “resist Congress’s attempt to federalize medicine.” You didn’t even know Congress was trying to federalize medicine, did you?

He mentioned that he’d visited the Cleveland Clinic, where they let him play a video game at the Center for Advance Study of Therapies for Brain Injury.


I assume the video game must be one of their therapies for brain injury. Sadly, they could not help with his, for lack of a better word, brain, and after a few moments he got bored and wandered away.


Anyway, he said the Clinic had something called outcome books. “In other words, we’re willing to be measured, says the good doc.”

He again complained about sick people not having to pay their own medical bills: “How many of you have ever actually tried to price a medical service? Probably not many. ... Well, if somebody else pays the bills, why do you care what the cost is at the time of purchase?” Er, who is this argument aimed at? Why would anyone want to be price a medical service, or to have to care what the cost is at the time of purchase? Is anyone clamoring for a system under which they make decisions not based solely on medical needs, but financial ones?

He also said, “we’ve got to relieve the pressure on the pig farmer.” How true. How very true.

He talked about energy. He said, “If you’re really interested in the environment, like a lot of people are...” then you have to support nuclear power. But only if you’re really interested in the environment.

Before turning to the war portion of the speech, he said, “So my stop here has been really aimed at heralding technology. You got to be optimistic about America’s future, because of some of the great technologies that are taking place.” For example, this fuel cell forklift they let him play with.


He had some bad news to break: “I regret I have to tell you we’re in war.” Although it’s okay if you don’t believe him: “Some in America don’t believe we’re at war, and that’s their right.”

He talked about the enemy: “These folks aren’t isolated folks, you know, they just kind of randomly show up. They have an objective.”

He said about Iraq, “And I fully understand how tough it is on our psyche. I fully understand that when you watch the violence on TV every night, people are saying, is it worth it?” Dude, watching violence on tv is always worth it.

“I want to tell you, yes, we can accomplish and win this fight in Iraq.”

He says Congress should “give General David Petraeus a chance to come back and tell us whether his strategy is working.” “That’s what the American people expect. They expect for military people to come back and tell us how the military operations are going.” (Update: having now seen the video, I’ve added italics to show the strong emphasis he put on both instances of the word military in that sentence, indicating that mere politicians should not itch to interfere with matters which they do not understand.)


YOU GOTTA BELIEEEEVE! “And I strongly believe it. And I strongly believe we will prevail. And I strongly believe that democracy will trump totalitarianism every time. That’s what I believe. And those are the belief systems on which I’m making decisions that I believe will yield the peace.”

In the Q&A, someone asked him about NASA, and he said that he, personally, had changed NASA’s mission to make it more “relevant.” What it used to do: “orbiting in a space shuttle – in a space station.” What it will do: Mars, baby!

A Pakistani asked about public diplomacy in the Muslim world, and how when he visits Pakistan, they tell him he’s crazy to live in the US. Bush says that no doubt the questioner tells those Pakistanis, “I love living in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave,” then asks him if he’s a Muslim, and tells him the US is a great country where he can worship freely, although I’m pretty sure he’s free to be a Muslim in Pakistan. Then he said that the US isn’t at war with Islam, because “we’re not facing religious people, we’re facing people whose hearts are filled with hate, who have subverted a great religion.” Yeah, ‘cause hate and religion have always been totally incompatible.

I haven’t seen the video, but I gather he made a 13-year old who asked a question about immigration cry by responding sarcastically.

About education: “And so I strongly believe it’s in the national interest to say, we expect you to read -- unless, of course, you happen to believe they can’t. I’m a high expectations person.”

A high expectations person! That’s the funniest thing we’ve ever heard!

Myths refuted!

The White House issues another of its hilarious “fact checks” refuting “key myths” about Iraq, such as the one that Iraq was formed out of Zeus’s snot.

Also, Myth 1: “The war ‘is lost.’” It so is not. We know exactly where it is.

Myth 3: The U.S. is playing “whack-a-mole” in Iraq. It’s really more like that game where you try to pick up a teddy bear with a claw.

Myth 9: Maliki is an agent of Iran and/or Sadr. In fact, “There is no evidence that Maliki or his wing of the Da’wa Party is an agent or puppet of Iran.”

Read the whole thing; it’s chock-full of bitter laughs.

You don’t surge on a permanent basis

A court martial has begun in the murder in April 2006 by 7 Marines and a Navy corpsman of a man in Hamdania, Iraq. They came up with a plan (without orders) to kidnap and kill a suspected insurgent, then plant an AK-47 and a shovel on the body, to make it look like he was caught in the act of planting IEDs. Not finding him at home, they mulled it over and decided (this is the part I want to hear more about during the trial) to go ahead with their cunning plan, only with whoever they could randomly snatch from a nearby house. Who turned out to be known as Awad the Lame. The lawyer for Corp. Trent Thomas said he simply “had no choice but to do what he did” because “Marines in combat don’t challenge orders.” Well, when the order is to murder a civilian in cold blood (which, by the way, is not my idea of “combat”), maybe it’s time to start.

By the way, since this is a crime of xenophobia, it might affect our perception of the story to know, as none of the wire services report, that Corp. Thomas is black. I’m not saying that’s explanatory of anything, just that race is not irrelevant in this country, this world or this war. They did manage to mention the less salient fact that he has two children (Awad the Lame had 11, and I forget how many grandchildren; the stories mention that he was a grandfather without giving either number, being more interested in humanizing the American killer than the Iraqi victim).

Excuse me, I meant to say alleged killer. The BBC a couple of days ago reported that police somewhere or other had “foiled an alleged plot.”

This weekend, Karl Rove was at the Aspen Ideas Festival, one of whose ideas was, hey, let’s invite Karl Rove. Karl Rove came with his own ideas: 1) Al Qaida is responsible for 80-90% of the bombs killing American soldiers in Iraq (complete nonsense, of course, but weren’t the Bushies trying to blame all those bombs on Iran?), 2) “we will be redefining the mission because the goal of the surge was to get us to a place where we could redefine the mission”; 3) Guantanamo is the bestest prison camp ever: “Our principle health problem down there is gain of weight, we feed ‘em so well.” Sometimes through tubes inserted in their nostrils.

The odd idea that the purpose of the “surge” was actually to give the White House time to think up a purpose for the surge was repeated by White House spokesmodel NEW NICKNAME ALERT! NEW NICKNAME ALERT! Tony “Frat Tony” Fratto: “It shouldn’t come as any surprise that we here in the Administration . . . are thinking about what happens after a surge... A surge, by definition, is temporary in nature. You don’t surge on a permanent basis.”

Palestinian president-for-life Abbas accuses Hamas of letting Al Qaida into Gaza “and through its bloody behaviour Hamas has become very close to al-Qaida.”

It’s a transforming strategy

Today something called the “White House Conference on the Americas” was held. Bush described it as “a conference to promote best practices, which really says, how best can the United States help people in our neighborhood.” By “neighborhood,” he means the Western Hemisphere. And by “United States,” he mostly meant private charities, although he did issue a command to Congress to “honor” the trade deals he’s negotiated with Peru, Panama and Colombia. By “honor,” he means ratify, that is, exercise their constitutional function as an equal branch of government as it relates to foreign treaties. “I’d like to see the Peruvian deal done by the beginning of August,” he said. They’ve got “ample days on the calendar,” he said, although he was berating them just Saturday for not having passed appropriations bills.

When I say jump, I mean this high.
Evidently, “We believe strongly in helping teachers teach”.

Bush’s Word of the Day was “objectives”: “And part of our discussions today will be how best to -- how best can the United States and faith-based groups and private groups and NGOs work collaboratively to achieve important objectives.” “[A]n objective of our country and this government is for there to be a healthy, educated and prosperous neighborhood”. “And we’re spending a fair amount of taxpayers’ monies to achieve those objectives. And so one of my objectives is to explain to the American people...”


On the day his lawyer informed Congress that he was (illegally, I believe) ordering former staff members not to testify before Congress (and reproving Leahy and Conyers for their “tone” and for their presumption in doubting the “good faith” behind the invoking of executive privilege), Bush said, “we expect governments to be honest and transparent and open. We reject the notion that it’s okay for there to be corruption in government. We really believe that open, transparent societies are those that lead to hopeful tomorrows.”


Representatives of various NGOs had scintillating back-and-forths (backs-and-forth?) with Chimpy.

THE PRESIDENT: Let me ask you a question. So, you started this group initially to -- what’s the name of it?

MS. PACHECO: Keij de los Bosques.

THE PRESIDENT: Si. (Laughter.)

MS. PACHECO: It’s a Mayan word. (Laughter.)

What else did he learn from his exchange with Ms. Pacheco? “So, lesson one, by the way, there is such thing as social entrepreneurs.”

Pacheco said, “trade can be beautiful,” and Bush responded, “So I appreciate you bringing up the importance of markets, and providing -- giving people just a basic opportunities in life, and it will make it -- it’s a transforming strategy.”


In the middle of this meeting, Bush suddenly had a brain storm:

Do we have a website, for example, as a result of the meeting? I might ask my friend, Karen Hughes, to think about this. She probably has already thought about it, knowing her -- and that is to think maybe about a listing of different ways our fellow citizens can get involved in helping different programs, either financially or through time and effort. Maybe we ought to think about that. I know you already have.

Man, a website, Bush is a fucking genius. That is soooo why he’s the president, and you’re not.


Bush talked about capitalism with a conscience: “I think one of the things that our citizens have got to understand here, there’s a lot of corporate America that are very much involved in the communities, of which they’re active.”

BUSH: A healthy society is one in which people are responsible for their behaviors. A healthy capitalist society is one in which corporate America, in this case, is responsible for -- becomes a responsible citizen. And we have got such a soul here in Vivian Alegria. She is from Mexico.

MS. ALEGRIA: Yes.

THE PRESIDENT: Welcome. You work for?

MS. ALEGRIA: For the Coca Cola Foundation in Mexico.

If by healthy society, you mean a fat, toothless, diabetic one.

Did you notice how he almost said what corporate America is responsible for, and then stopped himself in the nick of time?

Bush told a guy from Brazil, “And when you say countrywide, first, you’ve got a big country.” Brazil being big is still a source of endless wonderment to him.

Evidently, money has something to do with, um, something: “You know, our government and the people -- the generosity of the Americans, American people can be -- as manifested by just money, spending money.”

He asked a Haitian doctor working on AIDS in her country, “You upbeat? You feeling all right about things?” and demonstrated his thorough command of detail: “She mentioned PEPFAR. That’s, like, initials for the AIDS initiative, and we’re making a big difference.”

He said, “You know, it’s interesting, our country has got certain images that -- some are true, some aren’t true.” That is so true.

Most appropriate acronym ever

“Post-surge redeployment” (PSR).

A well-regulated militia

Iraq’s Vice President Tariq al-Hashemi says that since the Iraqi government can’t protect Iraqis, as was amply demonstrated over and over this weekend, “the people have no choice but to take up their own defense.” He says the government should hand out weapons to communities and “regulate their use by rules of behavior.” Rules of behavior? Why has no one thought of this before? It’s so crazy it just might work!

The Bushes returned to the White House from Camp David. After all that fishing, George seems to be having some trouble getting his land legs back. You know there’s a problem when Laura’s the most lifelike one in the picture.



Many couples decided that 7/7/07 was an especially auspicious day to get married. These seven lucky couples entered an essay contest and won marriage ceremonies at a Six Flags amusement park performed, I guess, by the Rev. Bugs Bunny.


And just for the hell of it, here are a couple of pictures I took earlier. A few minutes later she threw up about a foot to the right.

It would be a mess

Yesterday, Gen. Rick Lynch, Military Moron, who says he is “blessed to command Multinational Division Center and Task Force Marne,” gave a press briefing via satellite. Blessed?

The goal of Task Force Marne (is “Operation Marne Torch” named after the river in France or the incredibly bloody Battle of the Marne in World War I?), he says, is to “block accelerants of violence into Baghdad”. What might those be? “Accelerants are defined as anything -- insurgents, weapons, materiel, IEDs, VBIEDs, ideology, anything -- that, left uncontrolled, would affect the security in Baghdad.” Oddly, he talked about how many caches of weapons and IEDs they’ve been finding, but not so much about stockpiles of ideology. And you know how dangerous that stuff is left uncontrolled.

Military codename of the day: Operation Stampede 3.

I think I’ve said before, Lynch loves to talk about “my battlespace.” He gets positively tingly. He said it eight times during the briefing, and “our battlespace” five times.

He also enjoys talking about “detailed kinetic strikes.” Which is something to do with killing people.

Operation Marne Torch is all about location, location, location: “We have taken real estate from the insurgents, and will now hold on to this terrain until competent, capable Iraqi security forces can provide the sustained security presence that’ll keep the extremists away from the people of Iraq and from the government.” That’s the problem with these real estate deals. You acquire this “prime” piece of real estate, thinking that some competent, capable prospective buyers will just show up and take it off your hands, and then you wait, and you wait, and you wait....

He says he “senses” a “growing discontent” among Iraqis with Al Qaida, which he believes has “worn out its welcome.” He’s just jealous that they got a welcome, and we’re still waiting for the flowers and dancing in the streets we were supposed to be greeted with in 2003.

He touted his “economic engagement strategy,” which entails giving funds to state-owned businesses (gasp! socialism!), which could give jobs to as many as 2,800 military-age males (sorry, gals!). “Now, you might say that’s not a big number, but that’s 2,800 people who aren’t going to be planting IEDs, because they got proper employment.” What, they couldn’t do it on the weekends? And is he saying that they’ll only be hiring people who write “planting IEDs” on the form under “previous job experience”? Or maybe that every single unemployed man is an insurgent?

There will also be a “scrap metal initiative,” because, for some reason, “there’s a lot of scrap metal in Iraq”.

Some of the reporters asking questions had names like Courtney Kube and Mike Mount and Guy Raz.

Some of the reporters had clearly been covering the military just a little too long. Mike Mount of CNN asked, “Do you have any MRAPs in your AOR?” I don’t know what it means to have MRAPs in your AOR, but it sounds incredibly dirty. Sadly, Lynch replied that he has no MRAPs, but “we’re all excited about getting the MRAPs.”

Asked what would happen if the “surge” troops were brought home, Lynch said (three times), “It would be a mess.”

My battlespace, all mine!

This moment is a test

In his weekly radio address, Bush took the Congressional Democrats to task for ignoring his budget requests (just as when Republicans controlled Congress, he acted as if Democratic congresscritters were irrelevant, he now does the same for Republicans, saying, for example, “I urge Democrats in Congress to step forward now and pass these bills...”).

“This moment is a test,” he says. And if there’s one thing George Bush enjoys, it’s, um, a test. And he doesn’t think the Dems are going to pass, accusing them of “working to bring back the failed tax-and-spend policies of the past” and saying that “By failing to do the work necessary to pass these important bills by the end of the fiscal year, Democrats are failing in their responsibility to make tough decisions and spend the people’s money wisely.” The D’s failed twice in that sentence! What incredible failures they are!

But he generously offered extra credit: “Democrats have a chance to prove they are for open and transparent government by working to complete each spending bill independently and on time.” How does “open and transparent government” enter into this? Also, why is he insisting that each appropriations bill be passed “independently” and “one at a time”?

It is time to restore that fear

Another Joe Lieberman Wall Street Journal op-ed article. Hands up, anyone whose mind has been changed, or who knows anyone whose mind has been changed, or has heard a rumor of anyone whose mind has been changed, by the surgical application of logic, the devastating deployment of expert knowledge and keen insight and rapier-like wit that mark all such offerings from the distinguished senator from the Connecticut for Lieberman Party.

He has abandoned all attempts to convince us that we’re winning in Iraq or that we can and will establish a democratic utopia there. No, now it’s all about Iran and the need not to send a “message throughout the region that Iran is on the rise and America is on the run.”

To prove that Iran is behind all of our military woes, he cites one Gen. Kevin Bergner, who earlier this week claimed that Iran’s secret agents are funding Hezbollah’s secret agents who are doing bad things in Iraq. He knows all about this because they caught some Lebanese guy in Iraq in March, who’s been a member of Hezbollah for 24 years and this terrorist mastermind kept... wait for it... a diary.

Incidentally, Holy Joe massaged Gen. Bergner’s claims a little bit. Where Bergner said that Iran trains 20 to 60 Iraqi insurgents at a time, Lieberman says “up to 60,” and where Bergner said that Iran sends $750,000 to $3 million a month to the insurgents, Lieberman says, “Iran has also funded its Iraqi proxies generously, to the tune of $3 million a month.” Somehow I failed to gasp in horror. Holy Joe, who gasps in horror at the perfidy of Muslims six times before breakfast, says that Iran plans with this rather modest investment to push the US out of both Iraq and Afghanistan, and “dominate” those countries through its “proxies.”

Iran, “by its actions, has all but declared war on us and our allies in the Middle East.” He says they believe they can operate “without fear of retaliation. It is time to restore that fear, and to inject greater doubt into the decision-making of Iranian leaders about the risks they are now running.”

Restoring fear is, of course, Holy Joe’s raison d’être, his work and his hobby and his constant joy. The people he would really like to restore fear to are members of Congress (the article really isn’t aimed at the general public at all). He believes that focusing on “the fanatical regime in Tehran” will restore a little fear, or at least make them a little less relieved at the prospect of extricating ourselves from the slaughter: “I hope the new revelations about Iran’s behavior will also temper the enthusiasm of some of those in Congress who are advocating the immediate withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq.” Temper that enthusiasm! It emboldens Iran, which “is betting that our political disunity in Washington will constrain us in responding to its attacks.” In other words, Pete Domenici is an agent of Iran. I’ll bet it says that somewhere in that diary. Has anyone checked?

Unclear on the concept

A panel of the US Circuit Court in Cincinnati dismisses an ACLU suit against Bush’s program of warrantless wiretapping, saying the plaintiffs lacked standing because they couldn’t prove that they’d been subjected to the secret surveillance. Yeah, that was kind of the whole point of the lawsuit.

Chris Floyd refers to “gangster moll Tony Blair.” I wish I’d said that.

New York Magazine competition, 10/18/82, a familiar line, title etc, updated and downgraded by the insinuation of a trendy [in 1982, anyway] word or phrase:

To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.

When shall we three interface again?

Something is grody to the max in the state of Denmark.

Give me liberty or gag me with a spoon.

Cry “God for Harry! England and Saint George! Go for it!”

Take a number, Satan.

Is this a dagger which I see before me, or what?

Beware of Greeks bearing free gifts.

Hi! Call me Ishmael.

Love is visually impaired.

What airheads these mortals be.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, check this out.


The complete collection of New York comps here.

He thought it was slimming

Abdul Aziz, the head of the radical Red Mosque in Pakistan from which female students have been sallying out to kidnap alleged prostitutes, raid record stores and generally act as a Taliban-style religious police, and which has been in an armed stand-off with police, was captured precisely the way all such men should be captured – attempting to run away disguised in a burqa. Police spotted him because the students he was using as cover were teenage girls in burqas, and he was a tall dude with a pot belly in a burqa.


Best picture I could find. I’m as disappointed with it as you are.

It’s our calling to keep the pressure on these people

It’s the 4th of July, and George Bush gave a little speech about the need to kill foreigners thousands of miles away. I’m pretty sure Jefferson put something about that somewhere in the Declaration of Independence. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of Osama bin Laden.

Remember, no matter how many times words like freedom and liberty vomit from the chimp-like mouth of George W. Bush, they’re still good things. It may, however, be a while before we can hear them without flinching.

Bush gave his speech in West Virginia, where for some reason he spends most of his 4ths of July (if that is the correct plural). He says it’s because “I love coming to your state because it’s a state full of decent, hardworking, patriotic Americans, unlike those losers in Vermont.” I may have made up that last bit. Bush, by the way, has never been to Vermont as president.

For symbolic reasons, he always addresses military audiences, in this case the West Virginia Air National Guard. He spoke in a maintenance hangar, which I like to think was also symbolic.


He said, “I enjoyed reciting the Pledge of Allegiance with some of the children from our military families. I thought they handled their task quite well.”


And then he asked them who that Richard Stands fella was.

IN OTHER EXACTLY THE SAME WORDS: “More than two decades [sic] later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way – but at the time, America’s victory was far from certain. In other words, when we celebrated the first 4th of July celebration, our struggle for independence was far from certain.”

SOME? NAMES, WE WANT NAMES: “Because in this war, we face dangerous enemies who have attacked us here at home. Oh, I know the passage of time has convinced some -- maybe convinced some that danger doesn’t exist.”

NOT JUST A FACE FOR LIBERTY, BUT THE GREATEST FACE FOR LIBERTY: “In Afghanistan -- where I know some of you have been deployed and some of you are deployed -- we removed a regime that gave sanctuary and support to al Qaeda as they planned the 9/11 attacks which killed nearly 3,000 citizens. They found safe haven. That’s what they like. They like a place where they can plot and plan in relatively – in security, all aiming to come and harm the citizens of the greatest face for liberty in the world.”


WE DO? “We believe in an Almighty, we believe in the freedom for people to worship that Almighty. They don’t.”

A COLLECT CALL, NO DOUBT: “And it’s our charge, it’s our calling to keep the pressure on these people”.

He said that if the US leaves Iraq, Al Qaeda will be able to “establish their safe haven from which... to plan and plot attacks against the United States.” It’s always plan and plot (or sometimes plot and plan), isn’t it? Aren’t those pretty much the same thing?

They would also use Iraq’s oil to “exhort economic blackmail on those who didn’t kowtow to their wishes.” Another word Bush doesn’t know the meaning of: exhort.

Severe

Update: Japanese Defense Minister Kyuma resigns over saying that the Hiroshima & Nagasaki a-bombings “couldn’t be helped.”

Yesterday, Bush repeatedly called the Scooter Libby sentence excessive. Today, he twice referred to it as “severe,” an entirely subjective term.

Speaking of severe, this is what Bush said in 2000, defending never having used his power as governor to commute a death sentence: “I’m confident that every person that has been put to death in Texas, under my watch, has been guilty of the crime charged, and has had full access to the courts.”

Reuters: “The price of machetes has halved in parts of Nigeria since the end of general elections in April because demand from thugs sponsored by politicians has subsided.” Only $3 each. Don’t tell the McCain campaign about this.

This week a UN conference on strengthening the rule of law in Afghanistan was held in Kabul...

Ha ha, I didn’t fool you people for a second, did I? Of course it wasn’t held in Kabul, it was held in Rome.

... Anyway, at the conference US ambassador to the UN Zalmay Khalilzad said that “The rule of law is a key pillar for success” in Afghanistan. But when asked by a reporter about the increasing number of incidents in which US troops kill Afghan civilians, he dismissed that as just plain “unfortunate.” The subject of those deaths was not raised in the conference, which was after all about the rule of law in Afghanistan and what does mass murder have to do with that? Khalilzad said that “sometimes it happens that weapons go awry,” a sentence which distances the US from the civilians it kills by 1) making those deaths something that just, you know, happen sometimes, like fate, 2) suggesting that people don’t kill people, guns (and rockets and bombs and...) kill people, 3) implying that those weapons malfunctioned, when there is no evidence in any recent incident that they didn’t hit exactly what they were aimed at. He added, “war is not a perfect science, unfortunately.” Which I guess puts the lie to the notion that practice makes perfect.

Also, is it really unfortunate that war is not a perfect science? Discuss.

Scooter Libby and the war on excess

Bush has issued a statement about his commutation of Scooter Libby’s sentence. It’s rather weasely, listing arguments on both sides (“Critics of the investigation have argued... critics point out... critics say the punishment does not fit the crime... Others point out...”) and then failing to spell out which of those arguments informed his decision. All he actually says is that the sentence was “excessive,” which allows him to say that he “respects” the jury’s verdict, it’s just that stoopid judge who got it wrong.

The word excessive is actually rather non-specific. My computer’s dictionary defines excessive as “more than is necessary, normal, or desirable,” which are three quite different things. So was the sentence excessive because there should never have been a trial for obstruction because no one was charged with leaking Plame’s name (one of the things critics “point out”), or excessive because Scooter was a great guy whose “years of exceptional public service” (one hopes that the way Scooter “served” the public was an exception rather than the norm) merited mercy, or excessive because Bush considers the offence trivial? He doesn’t say wherein lies the excess.

Since some of that exceptional public service was conducted when he had the title Assistant to the President (which he held at the same time he was Cheney’s chief of staff), it was especially incumbent upon him to distance himself from Scooter’s actions rather more clearly.

When Russia and America speaks with, you know, along the same lines, it tends to have an effect

Bush and Putin did indeed go fishing. Putin caught one fish (which he let go), while Bush struck out again. George H. W. Bush again showed off the most hideous pants in the world.


Then they had what Bush called “a good, casual discussion on a variety of issues,” and then a press conference.

Talking about that fish, Putin diplomatically said that catching it was a “team effort” and undiplomatically said that credit should go to “the 42nd president of the United States.” That’s Clinton.

Bush said of Putin, “Here’s the thing when you’re dealing with a world leader, you wonder whether or not he’s telling the truth or not. I’ve never had to worry about that with Vladimir Putin... I know he’s always telling me the truth.”


The problem is, at the press conference at least, whoever was translating that “truth”... sucked. Either that or Putin spoke less intelligibly than Bush, which seems... unlikely. And by unlikely, I mean contrary to everything we know about the universe. Here is Putin talking about democracy in Russia: “The only thing that we would never, never accept is these tools -- this leverage being used to interfere into our domestic affairs to make us do things the way we would do not see fit.” Compare and contrast with Bush on the same subject: “And I remember part of my discussions with him about whether or not the -- you know, how -- the relations between the government and the press, you’ll be amazed to hear.” Amazed is not precisely the word that comes to mind.


On Iran, which Bush proclaimed was “in defiance of international norm,” Bush said, “And I have come to the conclusion that when Russia and America speaks with, you know, along the same lines, it tends to have an effect.” I know Bush has trouble with subject-verb agreement, but the use of the singular verb “speaks” seems like a telling slip: the US speaks, Russia should just nod in agreement.

And that ain’t happening:

Q: I still would like to know if you’re far apart on how tough the sanctions should be.

PRESIDENT BUSH: We’re close on recognizing that we’ve got to work together to send a common message.

That far apart, huh?

Update: whoops, forgot to include the closing exchange:

Q: Is Cheney a member of the executive branch?

PRESIDENT BUSH: I didn’t hear you.

You never know where they may try to strike

VITAL PRESIDENTIAL NEWS UPDATE: Bush caught no fish today.

Hey, guess what activity he has planned with Putin? Really, guess.

Did you guess fishing? That is correct.

A reporter named Mark (probably Mark Knoller of CBS) asked him to comment on the bombing attempts in “Britain and Scotland.” Bush replied sagely, “it just goes to show the war against these extremists goes on. You never know where they may try to strike.” Just like the fish.

“When I was a kid, Jeb used to push me down these stairs all the time. Yes, I did land on my head. Why do you ask?”


“No, I will not fetch you an ice tea, and for the last time, I’m not the fucking maid.”

“Dude, I know I brought flowers, but zip it up.”


“Really, dude, stop touching me. I am tiny, much like your penis, but I know judo.”

Burning bright

Guess what George Bush did today? More fishing, with Pop-Pop and Not-Jenna. And in what was in no way a metaphor, their boat’s anchor got stuck. I am absolutely not posting pictures of Chimpy fishing for a third day in a row. Na gunna dew it.

Holy Joe Lieberman, on ABC’s This Week, called for politicians to stop the “petty partisan fighting” and support warrantless wiretaps. He said the need for this was proved by the attempted bombings in Britain, which he seems to think were thwarted by electronic surveillance and all those security cameras they have in London now. Which they weren’t. (By the way, after first hearing on the tv about the attempt to blow up the London night club on tv, I was disappointed when I saw later in the newspapers that it’s named “Tiger Tiger” and not “Tyger Tyger.” Just me?)

He also said that the surge is working and the enemy is on the run. Or possibly the enemy is working and the surge is on the run.

Japanese Defense Minister Fumio Kyuma said yesterday that the US had good reasons to nuke Hiroshima and Nagasaki (he represents the latter in parliament), that it was “something that couldn’t be helped.” He said that he doesn’t hold a grudge against the US because of it. Jolly decent of him.

Today, Kyuma was forced to apologize, saying, “I am sorry that my remarks gave an impression that A-bomb victims were made light of.” Well they were turned into something, but I don’t think it was light.