Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A very Chimpy Colombian Independence Day: Libertad means freedom

Today, Bush held an event at the White House in honor of Colombian Independence Day. No one embarrassed him by asking if he knew when Colombia became independent or from what.

As always with such events, he took the opportunity to express his prowess in the Spanish language: “Thank you. SiĆ©ntese. Gracias. Buenos dias. Bienvenidos a la Casa Blanca.” “Hola, Luis.” “And after this brief discurso...” “They chanted a simple, but powerful message -- ‘Libertad’ -- that means freedom.”

WHY, WHAT DID YOU THINK I MEANT? SNIFF SNIFF. “As many of you may know, Colombia supports [sic] America’s primary source of energy -- a resource that many Americans use, and we thank you for your coffee.”

Did you know that the US “helped rescue Colombia from the brink of becoming a failed state”? Now you know.

He again called for Congress to pass the free-trade treaty with Colombia and praised President Uribe, who “has stood strong against tyranny and terror.” In the context of the speech’s previous paragraph, it is clear that by “tyranny” he means Venezuela, which he also called a “threat.”

The White House also issued a “fact sheet,” called “Defending Democratic Values We Share with Colombia,” which proclaims such triumphs as “Labor conditions in Colombia have significantly improved.” As an example of this significant improvement, it says that fewer than 40 trade unionists were brutally murdered last year. Hurrah!

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