T & A

Silvio Berlusconi has named his cabinet, which is dominated by cronies and hotties and assholes. One of the latter, Roberto Calderoli, who once set off riots by wearing a t-shirt with one of those Danish cartoons of Mohammed, will, naturally, be the Minister of Simplification, which is one of the best job titles ever (he’s supposed to purge the statute books of outdated laws).

After making fun of the alleged ugliness of left-wing women and of the number of women in the Spanish cabinet, Berlusconi has picked four women who are unusually young (average age 34, almost 20 years younger than the average age of male ministers) and attractive, including former topless model slash tv presenter Mara Carfagna, the Equal Opportunities Minster (some opportunities are more equal than others).


We seem to have a theme today. As I was writing that paragraph, an Alert Reader sent in this Headline of the Day, from the BBC:
“Great Tits Cope Well with Warming.” Birds! we’re talking about birds! Er, the kind with feathers. This sort of thing:


Most disturbing sentence in the article: “Great tits have eight or nine babies in a brood, and each of them will eat about 70 caterpillars a day.”

A change of compassion

Here’s what you can see in a print newspaper that you wouldn’t see online: an AP story, “Two Killed at Somali Food Riot,” right above an ad for all-you-can-eat riblets at Applebee’s. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were food riots at Applebee’s and all-you-can-eat riblets in Somalia?

Bush made two not especially blog-worthy public appearances today. The first followed a meeting with the House Republican leaders, “dear friends of mine who are committed to doing what’s right for the country.”


He gave a laundry list of measures on which he will brook no contradiction and accept no compromise: he wants the Democratic (excuse me: Democrat) Congress to pass the Republican housing bill; he wants $108 billion in supplemental spending “without any strings”; he wants FISA, Colombian free trade, oil refineries, permanent tax cuts, he wants, he wants, he wants. He’s so needy. Maybe someone should tell him about the all-you-can-eat riblets. “And it’s an agenda that recognizes that we can find the wisdom of the American people in their souls, in their hearts.” Which are also all-you-eat, in the Congressional cafeteria.


In the afternoon, Bush spoke at something called the Council of the Americas, which is a business group.

YEAH, LIBERTY, THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE BE SPREADING: “I appreciate your strong concern about the need for liberty to be spread”.

DID YOU KNOW I THINK I SPEAK SPANISH? “I am honored to be here with the Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, better known in the neighborhood as Señorita Arroz.”

AND A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR: “Until there’s a change of heart and a change of compassion, and a change of how the Cuban government treats its people, there’s no change at all.” A change of compassion?


“Cuba will not be a land of liberty so long as free expression is punished and free speech can take place only in hushed whispers and silent prayers.” Free speech takes place in silent prayers?

GEORGE HAS A NEW ADVERB: “these unbelievably wealthy and unbelievably violent drug kingpins” “But our military has provided unbelievably good care for a lot of people”

IT’S HARD: “It’s hard to have a hopeful place when the people aren’t comfortable with the nature of government.”


NOT PERHAPS: “The Millennium Challenge Account is one way to promote prosperity, but perhaps the most -- not "perhaps" -- the most effective way is through trade.”

THIS OPPORTUNITIES: “Congress recognized this opportunities, and Congress took a look at whether or not we ought to have free trade agreements in our neighborhood, and they started doing so with Peru.”

Without free-trade agreements, how will the people of Latin America be able to afford Jenna Bush wedding commemorative mouse pads?

A lot of talk about whether or not trade bills will move or not

Today, Bush met with Panamanian President Torrijos (who no doubt shared the news that the president of the Panamanian Congress, who is wanted in the US for the murder of a US Army sergeant in 1992, won’t be seeking re-election for the post).


OR NOT: “The President has heard a lot of talk about whether or not trade bills will move or not.”

I SPEAK SPANISH! “But I appreciate your compassion and corazón grande.”

REALLY, I SO TOTALLY SPEAK SPANISH! “And finally, we talked about drugs -- drugas.”

LOOK AT ME, I’M SPEAKING SPANISH HERE! “And, Mr. President, I’m honored you’re here, and I thank you again for coming. Buen hombre.”

It was necessary to destroy the family in order to save it

From today’s press gaggle:

HELEN THOMAS: Yesterday, according to The New York Times, we dropped a bomb on a home in Sadr City and burned alive a pregnant woman and her children. How long is the siege of Sadr -- how long are we going to keep bombing Iraqis?

DANA PEROXIDE: Well, I’m not aware of that particular report. I have not -- I’ve not seen it.

THOMAS: Well, it was pretty buried in the story.

PERINO: Okay. Well, the operation against the militias in Sadr City will continue until they root them out. And that is expressly in order to protect people like you just mentioned.

So that’s okay, then.

Crime of the day

Man punches camel.

An important border

This morning, George and Laura appeared on Good Morning America, filmed on the White House grounds. George was asked if it “amazes” him. Indeed. George hasn’t quite gotten over the whole concept of seasons: “It does. It’s a beautiful place. In the spring, the flowers are fantastic. In the fall, the -- it’s just such a -- kind of a place that’s so fresh. In the winter, of course, it’s got a lot of snow. (Laughter.) Summer is real hot”. I guess he forgot what fall does.

He also talked about how his “one contribution” to Jenna’s wedding it to build a “giant cross” out of limestone at his ranch.

Today was what Mexicans call “Cinco de Mayo” and Americans call “Monday – hey, is ‘House’ a repeat tonight?’” For George Bush, it’s a day to stand looking nervous about what the Mariachi band might be doing behind his back.


Cinco de Mayo, he said, “commemorates a joyful moment in history of Mexico -- it's when Mexican soldiers defended their independence against what appeared to be an elite and insurmountable army from Europe.” Elite? Insurmountable? Was Mexico invaded by an army of Barack Obamas?

He said that we “share an important border” with Mexico and that “we’re also united by values,” such as “love of family” (only Americans and Mexicans love their families, it’s true, you can look it up).

Meanwhile, Laura hung out with Uno, the beagle who won the Westminster Dog Show. CAPTION CONTEST:

A manipulator and a propagandist

The Pentagon is pissed at Sami al-Hajj, the Al Jazeera cameraman released from Guantanamo after 6½ years, including 500 days on hunger strike, for having the temerity to appear weak and unwell on his arrival in Sudan. Said an anonymous Pentagonite to ABC, “He’s a manipulator and a propagandist.”

A manipulator and a propagandist – and friends
Another Pentagonanian said al-Hajj has no credibility because there is “no information to substantiate his allegations that he was mistreated at Guantanamo”. Unless you count being forcibly feed 1,500 or so times. “It’s the advantage they have in this fight. It’s a war of ideas, and they can claim any wild number of things happened to them and they’ll capitalize on it.” Yes, that is the advantage they have when you lock them away from the sight of the world. They describe his last interrogation as being “very cordial.” So, no hard feelings then?

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the economists

Great minds think alike. George Bush, Friday: “And I’m -- if you believe these economists, if they had three hands they’d say, on the one hand, on the other hand, and then on the third hand.” Hillary Clinton, today, asked to name even one economist who supports the idea of a gas-tax holiday: “Well I’ll tell you what, I’m not going to put my lot in with economists.”

Stoopid economists.

Headline of the day, emailed in by an Alert Reader: “Qatar Rulers Pay £26m for Bacon.” In fact, a painting by Francis Bacon (that the headline doesn’t also mention a £10m Damien Hirst sculpture – the Qataris are way, way over-paying – strongly suggests that the bacon mislead in the headline was intentional.)

Speaking of intentionally misleading, to fill up a slow Sunday, here are some more London Review of Books personals. (More of my LRB faves here.)

The low-resolution personal ad. When viewed from a distance it looks amazing, but up close it’s pretty poor. Man, 35, Gwent. Box no. 07/03

Women to 35 – you’re all invited to the party in my pants. It’s bring a bottle and, please, remember to remove your shoes before you step on the carpet – mum’s just had it cleaned. Stupid man, 33. Box no. 07/05

In France, it’s just a kiss. In England it’s just a muffin. In Belgium it’s just a waffle. In Germany it’s just a shepherd. You know what I’m saying. Man, 41. Box no. 07/06

Part biopic, part utopian vision, all epic of redemption amidst the trials of mankind. This personal ad has everything. Woman, 38. Only one conviction for nuisance calling. Box no. 07/07

England’s best hope for Olympic gold if ever there was an Olympic event for wearing plaid and brogues. Man, 56. Not a snappy dresser but extremely well-endowed. Box no. 07/10

As it happens, 11.34 am two weeks next Friday is the first day of the rest of my life. Nuclear physicist (M, 40) on the brink of time-travelling break-through. Write now to box no 07/11 but be aware that by the time I reply you will be 98 whereas I will have aged just twelve hours. You may have a good-looking grand-daughter by then though. Give her my number and tell her to look me up. Box no. 07/11

I’m still Jenny from the block. Which is odd because yesterday I was Keith from the allotment. Keith from the allotment, 49. You can call me Jenny.

Some men can only be loved by their own mother. Not me, I’ve got Mr Snuggley Panda. Male, 36, and Mr Snuggley Panda, also 36

I hope you’re sitting down while reading because this advert might just excite your socks off! Man, 37.

Don’t look back in anger, try condescension instead. Look sideways with schadenfreude and upward in revulsion. Serial divorcee (F, 53) has you in her sights next with a raft of sarcastic barbs and derisive statements, but a photo sent to box no. 09/02 along with a list of trite achievements that I’ll remain aloof and casually disdainful about should make the whole process slightly less painful by confronting the inevitable head on. Box no. 09/02

Newly divorced man, 46, looking for a woman to 50 who doesn’t conclude sexual intercourse with Queen Elizabeth I’s rebuke to Cardinal Wolsley. Box no. 09/03

Man, 41. Not the sharpest sandwich at the picnic. Box no. 07/01

An inseparable part of the war

The Israeli military absolves itself of blowing up a Palestinian woman and her four children in an air strike on Gaza, saying they were actually killed by explosives carried by a gunman, which detonated when he was hit by the air strike. So that’s okay, then. PM Olmert says it’s the fault of Hamas that civilians have been turned “into an inseparable part of the war.” However, that woman and her children can now be separated from the war – with a shovel and a mop.

Al Jazeera cameraman Sami al-Hajj has been released to his native Sudan after 6½ years in Guantanamo, the last 16 months hunger striking and undergoing forcible feeding by tube. Had he agreed to spy on Al Jazeera, he would have been released years ago. The Pentagon claimed, without giving any evidence, that he was a courier for a charity with links to Al Qaida. Oo, a courier, so very scary. Since the news stories mostly don’t report this, I want to point out the conditions the US imposed on Sudan: al-Hajj is not to be allowed to work as a journalist or to leave Sudan.

Simon Hoggart in the Guardian: “Last weekend I met a librarian, who told me that it was obviously common for the more explicit sort of novel to fall open at the well-thumbed dirty bits. What she hadn’t realised is that where there are braille equivalents, the dots tend to be worn down. I think that’s rather affecting.”

We wanted there to be consumption in our society

On the way to the ranch, Bush stopped in at something called World Wide Technology Inc. in Missouri because “it’s very important for the President to recognize success.” One assumes he meant that ironically.

He spoke about the state of the economy. “There’s a lot of data beginning to move.”

Some of that data, presented in IN OTHER WORDS form: “Today there was another report out that showed that we lost 20,000 jobs last month, even though the unemployment rate dropped to 5 percent. In other words, the unemployment rate went down.”

WHAT WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE: On the rebate: “we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged to be consumers. We wanted there to be consumption in our society”.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there’s a -- you can effect the tax code that provides incentives for the CEOs to say, I think we need -- we ought to buy some equipment.” And why is it important for CEOs to buy some equipment? “it gives the employees a better chance to keep this company on a cutting edge.” Sounds painful.


IN OTHER WORDS: “And the effects of this aspect of the pro-growth plan are beginning to kick in, as well. In other words, it’s just starting.”

PAYING FOR THE PUMP: “I’m fully aware that people are paying dearly at the pump. ... The more that gasoline goes up, the more you’re paying -- the more you’re paying for the pump, the less money you have in your pocket to spend for your family.”

WHAT WILL BE VERY EXCITING FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE: “As you know, ethanol is beginning to take off, and I’m convinced we’re going to be able to make ethanol out of something other than corn here relatively quickly, like wood chips, or grasses grown in the desert, which will be very exciting for the American people.”

WHAT A LOT OF (UNNAMED) PEOPLE SAY: “I do want to talk about trade. It’s an interesting subject here in America. A lot of people who say, trade is bad for our country.”

SCARY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: “All I want is for America to be treated the way we treat other nations.”

IN OTHER WORDS: (On medical care): “The other thing is, is that one of the real cost-drivers -- or two other cost-drivers I want to discuss -- so in other words, consumerism helps deal with cost.”

The problem with The War Against Terror (TWAT): “so America has got to understand that in order to find them we’ve got to get in their heads. If you’re facing a nation, you can find the nation. If you’re facing people that bury [sic] in failed states you’ve got to understand how to find them.”

DIRTY NUMBER? “The way I put it, just so people can understand in plain English: If al Qaeda is making a phone call into the United States of America, we better know why; if you’re interested in protecting an attack, and there’s a dirty number being called, the government of the United States better understand the intentions and why that phone call is being made.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “so in other words, give our professionals tools. We got a lot of really good people working. We meet all the time; governments meeting constantly, ferreting out any information.”


EUPHEMISM ALERT: “So you say, where do you get numbers? We’re getting them off the computers of the people we’re capturing or bringing to justice.”

WHAT THE 9/11 HIJACKERS ARE: “And they’re sophisticated -- you know, 19 kids on three airplanes -- it’s a sophisticated operation -- four airplanes, excuse me. Sophisticated operation. And they’re good communicators.” I’m curious about the choice of the word “kids” for these, um, good communicators.

WHAT IT’S GOING TO TAKE TO SPREAD: “Someday an American President is going to be saying this is not that big an issue anymore. But it’s going to take an ideology to spread.”

One of the people asking questions began by noting that he was Japanese.

BUSH: And American?

Q: Yes.

BUSH: Well, then you’re American first.

“That’s right. Good point,” the questioner responded, thanking Bush for setting him straight about his own identity.

IN OTHER WORDS: “There turns out to be prosperity in developing world, which is good. It’s going to be good for you because you’ll be selling products into countries -- big countries perhaps -- and it’s hard to sell products into countries that aren’t prosperous. In other words, the more prosperous the world is, the more opportunity there is.”

IT’S HARD WORK: “Interestingly enough, it is a lot harder to have been the son of the president than to be the president.” Paging Dr. Freud.

He ended by telling that damned Romanian rainbow story again (he also did the Koizumi in Graceland story):

Now, the interesting thing from my perspective was that I was here, and there was a balcony lit in the town square, and I was told this was where the tyrant Ceausescu and his wife had made their last public appearance. And the story has it that he -- somebody started chanting, “Liar,” and he realized his power was slipping away, and then he tried to get out of there, and anyway, he was done in by the people. They were tired of him; he was a brutal guy.

And so that was my line of sight. And the President introduced me, and just as I got up to speak, a full rainbow appeared. And it was a startling moment. And I turned back -- Laura was like -- I went, look, baby, look up there. And so when I pointed up, 225,000 heads flipped around to look at the rainbow. I then ad-libbed, “God is smiling on Bucharest.” And the reason I did is because the rainbow ended right behind the balcony where the tyrant had given his last speech. Liberty is transformative, and it will yield the peace we want.

“Cocky” to his friends

Name of the day, from the stories about that polygamist cult: Texas Dept of Family and Protective Services Commissioner Carey Cockerell.

Speaking of cockerels, Bill O’Reilly interviewed Hillary on Fox yesterday (I didn’t stick around for the no doubt scintillating analysis of the interview by Dennis Miller) and today. Nothing much to report, although I’m curious: O’Reilly speaks for more of the broadcast portion of the interview than Hillary does. Is that how it happened, or did egoist O’Reilly edit her down before putting the tape on the air? Hillary allowed him to say, without any challenge, that her health plan would bankrupt America because, now, 10 to 20% of Medicare and Medicaid payments are fraudulent.

Responding to news that China has sentenced 30 Tibetans to long prison terms, White House spokesblonde Dana Peroxide said, “We don’t think that anyone should break the law, but we also believe in freedom of expression and assembly.” Well that’s just a tad contradictory, Dana, and not very helpful as a piece of advice. Are you saying Tibetans should passively acquiesce to laws that violate their civil rights... or not?

Gail Collins writes in her NYT column:

We’re down to a race between the candidate who claims he will make the political process better but has yet to demonstrate exactly how that works, and the woman who claims she’s the only one who’s powerful enough to take on the Republican forces of darkness. Don Quixote vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Both accompanied by their lieutenants — the men who think it’s all about them.

So Rev. Wright is Sancho Panza and Bill Clinton is... Xander?

Pause to praise an Almighty

Today is the National Day of Prayer. Make the proper national obeisance to the angry deity of your choice. I plan to sacrifice a goat to Odin, or possibly the other way around (nice enough bloke, Odin, but how seriously can you take a god with no depth perception? And those ravens of his shit everywhere).

George Bush celebrated the National Day of Prayer, although lately every day has been the National Day of Prayer with him; he just will not stop blathering about the “Almighty.” I think he’s realized that after Jan. 20 he’ll be persona non grata with Republicans, he’ll certainly never be able to speak on any university campus without massive protests he might actually have to see and hear, and he won’t be able to order up captive audiences of military personnel, so the only public remaining to him, the only people who might give him the fawning adulation he thinks is his due, will be religious groups. (I should say that the National Day of Prayer is organized and run by James Dobson and his wife, pictured below, along with Ollie North.)


Anyway, Bush said that on the National Day of Prayer “we celebrate our freedoms, particularly the freedom to pray in public”. You know, we also have the freedom to fart in public, but we don’t have to do it all the freaking time.

He did make a pretense of believing that “if you choose to worship or not worship, and no matter how you worship, we’re all equally American,” but then went right ahead talking about “American faith” and defining the United States in religious terms: “I think one of the interesting things about a National Day of Prayer is it does help describe our nation’s character to others. We are a prayerful nation. ... And it’s interesting, when you think about our faith you can find it in the Pledge of Allegiance, you can find an expression of American faith in the Declaration of Independence, and you can find it in the coins in our pockets.” Little-known fact: US coinage is so holy, even a nickel can ward off vampires.

But a national day of prayer is not enough for Chimpy McGodbotherer: “And as we pray for God’s continued blessings on our country, I think it makes sense to hope that one day there may be a International Day of Prayer, that one day the national -- (applause.) It will be a chance for people of faith around the world to stop at the same time to pause to praise an Almighty.” Today, America; tomorrow, the world!

Pansy-gate update

Well, Hillary hasn’t rejected and denounced Gov. Easley for the “pansy” remark yet, but the Human Rights Campaign has made this statement: “We certainly wish the governor would have chosen his words better and have expressed our disappointment to his staff.” I’ll bet they did, I’ll bet they did.

I firmly believe that if you have low expectations, you’ll achieve them

The US has moved a second aircraft carrier, the USS Abraham Lincoln, into the Persian Gulf. Secretary of War Robert Gates says the move “could be seen... as a reminder.” Oh good.

Today Bush met at the White House with the national teacher of the year, Mike Geisen of Prineville, Oregon, and the state teachers of the year. Mr. Geisen provides us that great rarity, a picture in which George Bush is not the goofiest-looking individual.


CERTAINLY NOT HIS ENGLISH TEACHER: “You know, I like to tell people that -- you know, one of the interesting questions you get in my line of work is ‘Can you name a teacher who had influenced you?’ I said, ‘Yes, my wife.’” Dude, at an event for teachers, you’re really not supposed to imply that none of your teachers ever influenced you. Although I’m sure all his teachers went into hiding long ago out of sheer shame.

SPECIAL: “And really the best teachers have a special intuition -- and I suspect a little potential -- the ability to see potential and the ability to have the patience necessary to watch it grow.”

STILL CALLS: “It basically -- if you really think about the [No Child Left Behind] Act, it, one, refuses to, what I used to call -- still call -- refuses to accept the soft bigotry of low expectations. I firmly believe....” STRAIGHT LINE ALERT! STRAIGHT LINE ALERT! “...that if you have low expectations, you’ll achieve them.”

WHAT A TEACHER OUGHT TO WELCOME: “I also believe that if you’re a teacher that you ought to welcome a law that says we trust you in your ability to set high expectations.”

HE JUST COULDN’T REFRAIN FROM BRINGING RELIGION INTO THE CLASSROOM, COULD HE? “And I ask God’s blessings on your work and the work of teachers all across America.”

Pansy-gate

He turned on, he tuned in, and he has finally dropped out: Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who invented LSD, and experienced the first “bad trip,” in 1943, has died at the age of 102. That’s 873 in freak-out years.

On McNeil-Lehrer, I saw the governor of North Carolina, Mike Easley, introduce Hillary Clinton, saying “this lady...” (I think he almost said “this little lady”) “...right here makes Rocky Balboa look like a pansy.” But did she reject and denounce Easley for using an epithet offensive to members of the Pansy-American community? She did not. Will anyone in the media ask her about his Archie Bunkerism? They will not.

(I am only able to grab that moral high ground so beloved of bloggers because I decided yesterday not to make a joke about Obama and Rev. Wright only fighting because the make-up sex is so good.)

Before I get myself into any more trouble: baby rhino blogging! Yay!

Who are the true lesbians?

Two Lesbians (residents of the island of Lesbos) are suing a Greek gay and lesbian (women who do naughty things with other women) group to make them stop using the word lesbian. We are the true Lesbians, they say. Of course lesbian Lesbians are the lesbianist Lesbians of them all.

Completing acts of love and compassion

In the afternoon, Bush met with various volunteers for National Volunteer Week.

DUDE, THEY’RE IN WITNESS PROTECTION: “Those of you today who perform acts of kindness do so out of love, and you do so out of a desire not to be recognized -- but anyway, you’re going to be recognized.”

“The spirit of charity that is celebrated here has been a part of our character, our nation’s character, ever since before we were an independent nation. In 1736, for example, Benjamin Franklin organized the citizens of Philadelphia to form a volunteer fire company. Isn’t that interesting?” A volunteer fire company is not a charity.

WHAT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND: “You can understand how volunteering can transform the souls, both who give and those they help.”


WELL, THAT JUST SOUNDS KINKY: “I believe it is in government’s interest to empower those neighborhood healers and helpers, social entrepreneurs, to be able to complete their acts of love and compassion.” REALLY KINKY.

EVIDENTLY GOVERNMENT ISN’T LOVE (WHAT, NOT EVEN THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE?): “Government is love -- government is justice and law, it’s not love.”

OBAMA REFERENCE? CANNIBAL REFERENCE? YOU BE THE JUDGE: “Laura and I met with Peace Corps volunteers in Ghana recently, and they are some kind of fired up.”

Bush press conference: We’re not going to become more beholden on your oil

What I dislike about courts lately is their lack of specificity. Last week a NY judge ruled that it was not unreasonable for cops to shoot Sean Bell 50 times, but he did not say precisely how many times they would have to have shot him to cross that threshold (one of the cops stopped to reload, for fuck’s sake). Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that Indiana’s voter i.d. requirements were not unduly burdensome, without saying just how large a fee could be required for an i.d., how much time it could take to, or how far one might have to travel (in a state many of whose counties have no public transportation whatsoever) to acquire one, before it would actually be unduly burdensome.

This morning, Bush held a press conference. He opened with the usual petulant statement about how he’d love to do all sorts of great things for the American people (especially drilling for oil in Alaska, building new refineries and nuclear power plants), but Congress is “blocking” them. He must have used the words blocked/blocking 83 times. He said, “I believe that they’re letting the American people down, is what I believe.”

Ah’m gonna hold mah breath until ah get mah nookyooler power plants.

He said, “Americans are concerned about making their mortgage payments and keeping their homes. And I don’t blame them.” That’s darned generous of you, George.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, we’re helping.”

I WON’T SAY THE WORD “RECESSION” AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME,: “You know, the words on how to define the economy don’t reflect the anxiety the American people feel.” Unless you define it with the words “AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!”


WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON DOESN’T CARE ABOUT: “The average person doesn’t really care what we call it; the average person wants to know whether or not we know that they’re paying higher gasoline prices and they’re worried about staying in their homes.” He added that he does, in fact, know that they’re paying higher gasoline prices are worried about staying in their homes, so I guess that’s the important thing, as far as the average person is concerned. Problem sorted.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, scarcity is of concern to us.”

A FANCY WORD FOR SAYING: “And matter of fact, the solution to the issue of corn-fed ethanol is cellulosic ethanol, which is a fancy word for saying we’re going to make ethanol out of switchgrasses or wood chips.” Corn-fed ethanol?

WHAT GEORGE LIKES: “I like a friendly guy in the Rose Garden.”


WHAT GEORGE IS PLEASED WITH: “I’m pleased with the Afghan army that when they’re in the fight they’re good.”

WHAT WE ARE IN: “We are in a global struggle against thugs and killers.”

WHAT THESE AREN’T: “These aren’t isolated law enforcement moments.”

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR: On his refusal until this week to say anything about the Syrian whatever-it-was the Israelis bombed last September: “We also wanted to advance certain policy objectives through the disclosures. And one would be to the North Koreans to make it abundantly clear that, ‘We may know more about you than you think’”.

NO FUCKING KIDDING: “And so I’m perplexed, is the best way to describe it”.


MORE BEHOLDEN ON YOUR OIL: “And so part of this is to set the psychology right that says to the world, ‘We’re not going to become more beholden on your oil, we’re going to open up and be aggressive and have an aggressive energy policy.’”

In the Middle East, he wants a “two-party state solution.” Would not say whether or not Jimmy Carter had been ordered not to talk with Hamas. You might think an argument like that between a former president and his secretary of state would be something he might have looked into, but then you might also have thought that even if he didn’t support Carter’s mission, he would have said something when Israel refused to provide security.

WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO ASK: “But you’ve got to ask, why is Hamas lobbing rockets?” Fortunately, he knows the answer: “And one reason why is because they’re trying to destabilize and create chaos and confusion.”

THE COLOMBIA: “And now the speaker pulled, you know, a unique maneuver to stop the Colombia from moving forward.”



Update: Reuters has put together this lovely combination picture:

Adjective rationing is now in force

This morning Bush met with Guatemalan President Alvaro Colom. And it was good: “We’ve had a good discussion about a variety of issues. ... want to achieve social justice through good health policy, good education policy, good judicial policy. The United States is pleased to help this government as best as we possibly can help the average citizen get a good education and have good health care.” CAFTA has increased trade. “And that’s good.” “And so we’ve had a good discussion”. For example: “And by the way, we talked about blueberries”.

But is it art?

Headline of the day: “Artists Catch Head Lice for Show.” The artists are Germans working in Israel (no mention what nationality the lice are), so naturally, “artists also stressed the show was not meant to be a reference to the Holocaust.” Rather, “He and his fellow artists said the exhibition offered the chance to explore the concept of the parasite and to ask whether the word could be ‘reclaimed’ in Israel.”