Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Bush press conference: We’re not going to become more beholden on your oil

What I dislike about courts lately is their lack of specificity. Last week a NY judge ruled that it was not unreasonable for cops to shoot Sean Bell 50 times, but he did not say precisely how many times they would have to have shot him to cross that threshold (one of the cops stopped to reload, for fuck’s sake). Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that Indiana’s voter i.d. requirements were not unduly burdensome, without saying just how large a fee could be required for an i.d., how much time it could take to, or how far one might have to travel (in a state many of whose counties have no public transportation whatsoever) to acquire one, before it would actually be unduly burdensome.

This morning, Bush held a press conference. He opened with the usual petulant statement about how he’d love to do all sorts of great things for the American people (especially drilling for oil in Alaska, building new refineries and nuclear power plants), but Congress is “blocking” them. He must have used the words blocked/blocking 83 times. He said, “I believe that they’re letting the American people down, is what I believe.”

Ah’m gonna hold mah breath until ah get mah nookyooler power plants.

He said, “Americans are concerned about making their mortgage payments and keeping their homes. And I don’t blame them.” That’s darned generous of you, George.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, we’re helping.”

I WON’T SAY THE WORD “RECESSION” AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME,: “You know, the words on how to define the economy don’t reflect the anxiety the American people feel.” Unless you define it with the words “AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!”

WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON DOESN’T CARE ABOUT: “The average person doesn’t really care what we call it; the average person wants to know whether or not we know that they’re paying higher gasoline prices and they’re worried about staying in their homes.” He added that he does, in fact, know that they’re paying higher gasoline prices are worried about staying in their homes, so I guess that’s the important thing, as far as the average person is concerned. Problem sorted.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, scarcity is of concern to us.”

A FANCY WORD FOR SAYING: “And matter of fact, the solution to the issue of corn-fed ethanol is cellulosic ethanol, which is a fancy word for saying we’re going to make ethanol out of switchgrasses or wood chips.” Corn-fed ethanol?

WHAT GEORGE LIKES: “I like a friendly guy in the Rose Garden.”

WHAT GEORGE IS PLEASED WITH: “I’m pleased with the Afghan army that when they’re in the fight they’re good.”

WHAT WE ARE IN: “We are in a global struggle against thugs and killers.”

WHAT THESE AREN’T: “These aren’t isolated law enforcement moments.”

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR: On his refusal until this week to say anything about the Syrian whatever-it-was the Israelis bombed last September: “We also wanted to advance certain policy objectives through the disclosures. And one would be to the North Koreans to make it abundantly clear that, ‘We may know more about you than you think’”.

NO FUCKING KIDDING: “And so I’m perplexed, is the best way to describe it”.

MORE BEHOLDEN ON YOUR OIL: “And so part of this is to set the psychology right that says to the world, ‘We’re not going to become more beholden on your oil, we’re going to open up and be aggressive and have an aggressive energy policy.’”

In the Middle East, he wants a “two-party state solution.” Would not say whether or not Jimmy Carter had been ordered not to talk with Hamas. You might think an argument like that between a former president and his secretary of state would be something he might have looked into, but then you might also have thought that even if he didn’t support Carter’s mission, he would have said something when Israel refused to provide security.

WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO ASK: “But you’ve got to ask, why is Hamas lobbing rockets?” Fortunately, he knows the answer: “And one reason why is because they’re trying to destabilize and create chaos and confusion.”

THE COLOMBIA: “And now the speaker pulled, you know, a unique maneuver to stop the Colombia from moving forward.”

Update: Reuters has put together this lovely combination picture:

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