I’m a peace man

In advance of his trip to the Middle East, Bush was interviewed today by the BBC Arabic service (link to video).

WHAT IT’S HARD FOR GEORGE TO DO: “It’s hard for me to get inside Hezbollah’s head.”

WHAT HEZBOLLAH WOULD BE WITHOUT IRANIAN SUPPORT: “Hezbollah would be nothing without Iranian support.”

WHAT PRIME MINISTER SINIORA IS: “a good guy.”

WHAT JENNA’S HUSBAND IS: “a good guy.”

WHAT THE BBC ARABIC INTERVIEWER IS: “a good man.”

WHAT GAZA IS: “Gaza’s unacceptable.”

WHAT IRAN IS: “a serious threat to peace.”

WHAT HE GOT HAS FOR THE PALESTINIANS: “I got a good message for the people of the Palestinian territories.” And I’m sure they’re looking forward to it.


He was also interviewed by Al Arabiya, whose interviewer asked why he’d done nothing to come to the aid of the Siniora government. Bush responded, “Well, I don’t think it’s an accurate description that the United States hasn’t stayed in contact with him, has listened to him, has listened to his requests,” although the question was about actual help, not, you know, just listening. “I mean, we’re in contact with him a lot.”

WHAT THE LEBANESE ARMED FORCE IS: “The Lebanese armed force is pretty good. They’re not great yet, but they’re pretty good.”

WHAT THE ARAB WORLD NEEDS TO DO: “And I think the Arab world needs to support [Siniora] stronger, and I think the Arab world needs to make it clear to the Iranians and Syrians that allow this good man to govern his country without interference.”

WHAT GEORGE IS: “I’m a peace man.”

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP ON THE TABLE: “Obviously, look, I believe that using the military as a last option is important to keep on the table.”

WHAT HE WOULD HOPE: “But I would hope that we -- through better policy that we would create the conditions -- that we would not create the conditions that would enable another war inside Lebanon.”

WHAT WE’RE TRYING/NOT TRYING: “And we’re trying to stand with our friend -- not trying -- we are standing with our friend, Siniora.”

WHAT SHOULDN’T NECESSARILY BE READ: “So it’s a very complicated process, and I don’t think necessarily not having a trilateral meeting [between Bush, Abbas and Olmert] should be read as anything other than that it just didn’t work out.”

WHAT THE PARTS OF THE PLAN ARE: “Well, part of the plan is for people to see a better life. And the other part of the plan is for there to be a clearly defined state so it’s no longer just a two-state solution; it’s ‘here’s what the borders will look like, here’s how we’re going to deal with the refugees, here’s how we’re going to deal with the different, complicated issues,’ so people could actually see and analyze, do I want this, or do I want what’s happening in Gaza, for example? And given that choice, I’m confident, having met a lot of Palestinians and know the Palestinians fairly well, about how people just want peace.” He thinks he knows the Palestinians fairly well. Because he’s met a lot of them.

WHAT THE PALESTINIANS WANT: “Look, the Palestinians are very entrepreneurial people. They know how to make a good living, and that’s all they want.” That, and the Israel-not-killing-them thing.

WHAT’S ALWAYS A PLEASURE: “Well, first of all, His Majesty [Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah], it’s always a pleasure to be in his company.”

WHAT HIS ADVICE TO THE NEXT PRESIDENT WOULD BE: “Take the Middle East seriously because that’s the center of -- that’s the place where people get so despondent and despair that they’re willing to come and take lives of U.S. citizens.”

She’s taken now, boys

Sorry for the lack of posting: I’ve been busy scrapbooking Jenna’s wedding and weeping quiet tears of joy. Remember, we’re not losing a First Twin, we’re gaining a First Chinless Son-in-Law.

People are too hard on Burma’s military dictators. They are the most principled of men, diverting resources to holding elections on the date determined by law (and the best astrologers Burma has), even if the military has to be used to encourage the populace to vote for the junta of their choice rather than, say, helping save cyclone victims, and refugees have to be thrown out of schools so they can be used as polling stations. And as dedicated as they are to faux-democracy, they are no less committed to fulfilling their contractual obligations, exporting rice while tornado victims starve because, dammit, they signed a contract and their word is their bond! Bravo, I say, bravo.

T & A

Silvio Berlusconi has named his cabinet, which is dominated by cronies and hotties and assholes. One of the latter, Roberto Calderoli, who once set off riots by wearing a t-shirt with one of those Danish cartoons of Mohammed, will, naturally, be the Minister of Simplification, which is one of the best job titles ever (he’s supposed to purge the statute books of outdated laws).

After making fun of the alleged ugliness of left-wing women and of the number of women in the Spanish cabinet, Berlusconi has picked four women who are unusually young (average age 34, almost 20 years younger than the average age of male ministers) and attractive, including former topless model slash tv presenter Mara Carfagna, the Equal Opportunities Minster (some opportunities are more equal than others).


We seem to have a theme today. As I was writing that paragraph, an Alert Reader sent in this Headline of the Day, from the BBC:
“Great Tits Cope Well with Warming.” Birds! we’re talking about birds! Er, the kind with feathers. This sort of thing:


Most disturbing sentence in the article: “Great tits have eight or nine babies in a brood, and each of them will eat about 70 caterpillars a day.”

A change of compassion

Here’s what you can see in a print newspaper that you wouldn’t see online: an AP story, “Two Killed at Somali Food Riot,” right above an ad for all-you-can-eat riblets at Applebee’s. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were food riots at Applebee’s and all-you-can-eat riblets in Somalia?

Bush made two not especially blog-worthy public appearances today. The first followed a meeting with the House Republican leaders, “dear friends of mine who are committed to doing what’s right for the country.”


He gave a laundry list of measures on which he will brook no contradiction and accept no compromise: he wants the Democratic (excuse me: Democrat) Congress to pass the Republican housing bill; he wants $108 billion in supplemental spending “without any strings”; he wants FISA, Colombian free trade, oil refineries, permanent tax cuts, he wants, he wants, he wants. He’s so needy. Maybe someone should tell him about the all-you-can-eat riblets. “And it’s an agenda that recognizes that we can find the wisdom of the American people in their souls, in their hearts.” Which are also all-you-eat, in the Congressional cafeteria.


In the afternoon, Bush spoke at something called the Council of the Americas, which is a business group.

YEAH, LIBERTY, THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE BE SPREADING: “I appreciate your strong concern about the need for liberty to be spread”.

DID YOU KNOW I THINK I SPEAK SPANISH? “I am honored to be here with the Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, better known in the neighborhood as Señorita Arroz.”

AND A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR: “Until there’s a change of heart and a change of compassion, and a change of how the Cuban government treats its people, there’s no change at all.” A change of compassion?


“Cuba will not be a land of liberty so long as free expression is punished and free speech can take place only in hushed whispers and silent prayers.” Free speech takes place in silent prayers?

GEORGE HAS A NEW ADVERB: “these unbelievably wealthy and unbelievably violent drug kingpins” “But our military has provided unbelievably good care for a lot of people”

IT’S HARD: “It’s hard to have a hopeful place when the people aren’t comfortable with the nature of government.”


NOT PERHAPS: “The Millennium Challenge Account is one way to promote prosperity, but perhaps the most -- not "perhaps" -- the most effective way is through trade.”

THIS OPPORTUNITIES: “Congress recognized this opportunities, and Congress took a look at whether or not we ought to have free trade agreements in our neighborhood, and they started doing so with Peru.”

Without free-trade agreements, how will the people of Latin America be able to afford Jenna Bush wedding commemorative mouse pads?

A lot of talk about whether or not trade bills will move or not

Today, Bush met with Panamanian President Torrijos (who no doubt shared the news that the president of the Panamanian Congress, who is wanted in the US for the murder of a US Army sergeant in 1992, won’t be seeking re-election for the post).


OR NOT: “The President has heard a lot of talk about whether or not trade bills will move or not.”

I SPEAK SPANISH! “But I appreciate your compassion and corazón grande.”

REALLY, I SO TOTALLY SPEAK SPANISH! “And finally, we talked about drugs -- drugas.”

LOOK AT ME, I’M SPEAKING SPANISH HERE! “And, Mr. President, I’m honored you’re here, and I thank you again for coming. Buen hombre.”

It was necessary to destroy the family in order to save it

From today’s press gaggle:

HELEN THOMAS: Yesterday, according to The New York Times, we dropped a bomb on a home in Sadr City and burned alive a pregnant woman and her children. How long is the siege of Sadr -- how long are we going to keep bombing Iraqis?

DANA PEROXIDE: Well, I’m not aware of that particular report. I have not -- I’ve not seen it.

THOMAS: Well, it was pretty buried in the story.

PERINO: Okay. Well, the operation against the militias in Sadr City will continue until they root them out. And that is expressly in order to protect people like you just mentioned.

So that’s okay, then.

Crime of the day

Man punches camel.

An important border

This morning, George and Laura appeared on Good Morning America, filmed on the White House grounds. George was asked if it “amazes” him. Indeed. George hasn’t quite gotten over the whole concept of seasons: “It does. It’s a beautiful place. In the spring, the flowers are fantastic. In the fall, the -- it’s just such a -- kind of a place that’s so fresh. In the winter, of course, it’s got a lot of snow. (Laughter.) Summer is real hot”. I guess he forgot what fall does.

He also talked about how his “one contribution” to Jenna’s wedding it to build a “giant cross” out of limestone at his ranch.

Today was what Mexicans call “Cinco de Mayo” and Americans call “Monday – hey, is ‘House’ a repeat tonight?’” For George Bush, it’s a day to stand looking nervous about what the Mariachi band might be doing behind his back.


Cinco de Mayo, he said, “commemorates a joyful moment in history of Mexico -- it's when Mexican soldiers defended their independence against what appeared to be an elite and insurmountable army from Europe.” Elite? Insurmountable? Was Mexico invaded by an army of Barack Obamas?

He said that we “share an important border” with Mexico and that “we’re also united by values,” such as “love of family” (only Americans and Mexicans love their families, it’s true, you can look it up).

Meanwhile, Laura hung out with Uno, the beagle who won the Westminster Dog Show. CAPTION CONTEST:

A manipulator and a propagandist

The Pentagon is pissed at Sami al-Hajj, the Al Jazeera cameraman released from Guantanamo after 6½ years, including 500 days on hunger strike, for having the temerity to appear weak and unwell on his arrival in Sudan. Said an anonymous Pentagonite to ABC, “He’s a manipulator and a propagandist.”

A manipulator and a propagandist – and friends
Another Pentagonanian said al-Hajj has no credibility because there is “no information to substantiate his allegations that he was mistreated at Guantanamo”. Unless you count being forcibly feed 1,500 or so times. “It’s the advantage they have in this fight. It’s a war of ideas, and they can claim any wild number of things happened to them and they’ll capitalize on it.” Yes, that is the advantage they have when you lock them away from the sight of the world. They describe his last interrogation as being “very cordial.” So, no hard feelings then?

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the economists

Great minds think alike. George Bush, Friday: “And I’m -- if you believe these economists, if they had three hands they’d say, on the one hand, on the other hand, and then on the third hand.” Hillary Clinton, today, asked to name even one economist who supports the idea of a gas-tax holiday: “Well I’ll tell you what, I’m not going to put my lot in with economists.”

Stoopid economists.

Headline of the day, emailed in by an Alert Reader: “Qatar Rulers Pay £26m for Bacon.” In fact, a painting by Francis Bacon (that the headline doesn’t also mention a £10m Damien Hirst sculpture – the Qataris are way, way over-paying – strongly suggests that the bacon mislead in the headline was intentional.)

Speaking of intentionally misleading, to fill up a slow Sunday, here are some more London Review of Books personals. (More of my LRB faves here.)

The low-resolution personal ad. When viewed from a distance it looks amazing, but up close it’s pretty poor. Man, 35, Gwent. Box no. 07/03

Women to 35 – you’re all invited to the party in my pants. It’s bring a bottle and, please, remember to remove your shoes before you step on the carpet – mum’s just had it cleaned. Stupid man, 33. Box no. 07/05

In France, it’s just a kiss. In England it’s just a muffin. In Belgium it’s just a waffle. In Germany it’s just a shepherd. You know what I’m saying. Man, 41. Box no. 07/06

Part biopic, part utopian vision, all epic of redemption amidst the trials of mankind. This personal ad has everything. Woman, 38. Only one conviction for nuisance calling. Box no. 07/07

England’s best hope for Olympic gold if ever there was an Olympic event for wearing plaid and brogues. Man, 56. Not a snappy dresser but extremely well-endowed. Box no. 07/10

As it happens, 11.34 am two weeks next Friday is the first day of the rest of my life. Nuclear physicist (M, 40) on the brink of time-travelling break-through. Write now to box no 07/11 but be aware that by the time I reply you will be 98 whereas I will have aged just twelve hours. You may have a good-looking grand-daughter by then though. Give her my number and tell her to look me up. Box no. 07/11

I’m still Jenny from the block. Which is odd because yesterday I was Keith from the allotment. Keith from the allotment, 49. You can call me Jenny.

Some men can only be loved by their own mother. Not me, I’ve got Mr Snuggley Panda. Male, 36, and Mr Snuggley Panda, also 36

I hope you’re sitting down while reading because this advert might just excite your socks off! Man, 37.

Don’t look back in anger, try condescension instead. Look sideways with schadenfreude and upward in revulsion. Serial divorcee (F, 53) has you in her sights next with a raft of sarcastic barbs and derisive statements, but a photo sent to box no. 09/02 along with a list of trite achievements that I’ll remain aloof and casually disdainful about should make the whole process slightly less painful by confronting the inevitable head on. Box no. 09/02

Newly divorced man, 46, looking for a woman to 50 who doesn’t conclude sexual intercourse with Queen Elizabeth I’s rebuke to Cardinal Wolsley. Box no. 09/03

Man, 41. Not the sharpest sandwich at the picnic. Box no. 07/01

An inseparable part of the war

The Israeli military absolves itself of blowing up a Palestinian woman and her four children in an air strike on Gaza, saying they were actually killed by explosives carried by a gunman, which detonated when he was hit by the air strike. So that’s okay, then. PM Olmert says it’s the fault of Hamas that civilians have been turned “into an inseparable part of the war.” However, that woman and her children can now be separated from the war – with a shovel and a mop.

Al Jazeera cameraman Sami al-Hajj has been released to his native Sudan after 6½ years in Guantanamo, the last 16 months hunger striking and undergoing forcible feeding by tube. Had he agreed to spy on Al Jazeera, he would have been released years ago. The Pentagon claimed, without giving any evidence, that he was a courier for a charity with links to Al Qaida. Oo, a courier, so very scary. Since the news stories mostly don’t report this, I want to point out the conditions the US imposed on Sudan: al-Hajj is not to be allowed to work as a journalist or to leave Sudan.

Simon Hoggart in the Guardian: “Last weekend I met a librarian, who told me that it was obviously common for the more explicit sort of novel to fall open at the well-thumbed dirty bits. What she hadn’t realised is that where there are braille equivalents, the dots tend to be worn down. I think that’s rather affecting.”

We wanted there to be consumption in our society

On the way to the ranch, Bush stopped in at something called World Wide Technology Inc. in Missouri because “it’s very important for the President to recognize success.” One assumes he meant that ironically.

He spoke about the state of the economy. “There’s a lot of data beginning to move.”

Some of that data, presented in IN OTHER WORDS form: “Today there was another report out that showed that we lost 20,000 jobs last month, even though the unemployment rate dropped to 5 percent. In other words, the unemployment rate went down.”

WHAT WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE: On the rebate: “we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged to be consumers. We wanted there to be consumption in our society”.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, there’s a -- you can effect the tax code that provides incentives for the CEOs to say, I think we need -- we ought to buy some equipment.” And why is it important for CEOs to buy some equipment? “it gives the employees a better chance to keep this company on a cutting edge.” Sounds painful.


IN OTHER WORDS: “And the effects of this aspect of the pro-growth plan are beginning to kick in, as well. In other words, it’s just starting.”

PAYING FOR THE PUMP: “I’m fully aware that people are paying dearly at the pump. ... The more that gasoline goes up, the more you’re paying -- the more you’re paying for the pump, the less money you have in your pocket to spend for your family.”

WHAT WILL BE VERY EXCITING FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE: “As you know, ethanol is beginning to take off, and I’m convinced we’re going to be able to make ethanol out of something other than corn here relatively quickly, like wood chips, or grasses grown in the desert, which will be very exciting for the American people.”

WHAT A LOT OF (UNNAMED) PEOPLE SAY: “I do want to talk about trade. It’s an interesting subject here in America. A lot of people who say, trade is bad for our country.”

SCARY THOUGHT OF THE DAY: “All I want is for America to be treated the way we treat other nations.”

IN OTHER WORDS: (On medical care): “The other thing is, is that one of the real cost-drivers -- or two other cost-drivers I want to discuss -- so in other words, consumerism helps deal with cost.”

The problem with The War Against Terror (TWAT): “so America has got to understand that in order to find them we’ve got to get in their heads. If you’re facing a nation, you can find the nation. If you’re facing people that bury [sic] in failed states you’ve got to understand how to find them.”

DIRTY NUMBER? “The way I put it, just so people can understand in plain English: If al Qaeda is making a phone call into the United States of America, we better know why; if you’re interested in protecting an attack, and there’s a dirty number being called, the government of the United States better understand the intentions and why that phone call is being made.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “so in other words, give our professionals tools. We got a lot of really good people working. We meet all the time; governments meeting constantly, ferreting out any information.”


EUPHEMISM ALERT: “So you say, where do you get numbers? We’re getting them off the computers of the people we’re capturing or bringing to justice.”

WHAT THE 9/11 HIJACKERS ARE: “And they’re sophisticated -- you know, 19 kids on three airplanes -- it’s a sophisticated operation -- four airplanes, excuse me. Sophisticated operation. And they’re good communicators.” I’m curious about the choice of the word “kids” for these, um, good communicators.

WHAT IT’S GOING TO TAKE TO SPREAD: “Someday an American President is going to be saying this is not that big an issue anymore. But it’s going to take an ideology to spread.”

One of the people asking questions began by noting that he was Japanese.

BUSH: And American?

Q: Yes.

BUSH: Well, then you’re American first.

“That’s right. Good point,” the questioner responded, thanking Bush for setting him straight about his own identity.

IN OTHER WORDS: “There turns out to be prosperity in developing world, which is good. It’s going to be good for you because you’ll be selling products into countries -- big countries perhaps -- and it’s hard to sell products into countries that aren’t prosperous. In other words, the more prosperous the world is, the more opportunity there is.”

IT’S HARD WORK: “Interestingly enough, it is a lot harder to have been the son of the president than to be the president.” Paging Dr. Freud.

He ended by telling that damned Romanian rainbow story again (he also did the Koizumi in Graceland story):

Now, the interesting thing from my perspective was that I was here, and there was a balcony lit in the town square, and I was told this was where the tyrant Ceausescu and his wife had made their last public appearance. And the story has it that he -- somebody started chanting, “Liar,” and he realized his power was slipping away, and then he tried to get out of there, and anyway, he was done in by the people. They were tired of him; he was a brutal guy.

And so that was my line of sight. And the President introduced me, and just as I got up to speak, a full rainbow appeared. And it was a startling moment. And I turned back -- Laura was like -- I went, look, baby, look up there. And so when I pointed up, 225,000 heads flipped around to look at the rainbow. I then ad-libbed, “God is smiling on Bucharest.” And the reason I did is because the rainbow ended right behind the balcony where the tyrant had given his last speech. Liberty is transformative, and it will yield the peace we want.

“Cocky” to his friends

Name of the day, from the stories about that polygamist cult: Texas Dept of Family and Protective Services Commissioner Carey Cockerell.

Speaking of cockerels, Bill O’Reilly interviewed Hillary on Fox yesterday (I didn’t stick around for the no doubt scintillating analysis of the interview by Dennis Miller) and today. Nothing much to report, although I’m curious: O’Reilly speaks for more of the broadcast portion of the interview than Hillary does. Is that how it happened, or did egoist O’Reilly edit her down before putting the tape on the air? Hillary allowed him to say, without any challenge, that her health plan would bankrupt America because, now, 10 to 20% of Medicare and Medicaid payments are fraudulent.

Responding to news that China has sentenced 30 Tibetans to long prison terms, White House spokesblonde Dana Peroxide said, “We don’t think that anyone should break the law, but we also believe in freedom of expression and assembly.” Well that’s just a tad contradictory, Dana, and not very helpful as a piece of advice. Are you saying Tibetans should passively acquiesce to laws that violate their civil rights... or not?

Gail Collins writes in her NYT column:

We’re down to a race between the candidate who claims he will make the political process better but has yet to demonstrate exactly how that works, and the woman who claims she’s the only one who’s powerful enough to take on the Republican forces of darkness. Don Quixote vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Both accompanied by their lieutenants — the men who think it’s all about them.

So Rev. Wright is Sancho Panza and Bill Clinton is... Xander?

Pause to praise an Almighty

Today is the National Day of Prayer. Make the proper national obeisance to the angry deity of your choice. I plan to sacrifice a goat to Odin, or possibly the other way around (nice enough bloke, Odin, but how seriously can you take a god with no depth perception? And those ravens of his shit everywhere).

George Bush celebrated the National Day of Prayer, although lately every day has been the National Day of Prayer with him; he just will not stop blathering about the “Almighty.” I think he’s realized that after Jan. 20 he’ll be persona non grata with Republicans, he’ll certainly never be able to speak on any university campus without massive protests he might actually have to see and hear, and he won’t be able to order up captive audiences of military personnel, so the only public remaining to him, the only people who might give him the fawning adulation he thinks is his due, will be religious groups. (I should say that the National Day of Prayer is organized and run by James Dobson and his wife, pictured below, along with Ollie North.)


Anyway, Bush said that on the National Day of Prayer “we celebrate our freedoms, particularly the freedom to pray in public”. You know, we also have the freedom to fart in public, but we don’t have to do it all the freaking time.

He did make a pretense of believing that “if you choose to worship or not worship, and no matter how you worship, we’re all equally American,” but then went right ahead talking about “American faith” and defining the United States in religious terms: “I think one of the interesting things about a National Day of Prayer is it does help describe our nation’s character to others. We are a prayerful nation. ... And it’s interesting, when you think about our faith you can find it in the Pledge of Allegiance, you can find an expression of American faith in the Declaration of Independence, and you can find it in the coins in our pockets.” Little-known fact: US coinage is so holy, even a nickel can ward off vampires.

But a national day of prayer is not enough for Chimpy McGodbotherer: “And as we pray for God’s continued blessings on our country, I think it makes sense to hope that one day there may be a International Day of Prayer, that one day the national -- (applause.) It will be a chance for people of faith around the world to stop at the same time to pause to praise an Almighty.” Today, America; tomorrow, the world!

Pansy-gate update

Well, Hillary hasn’t rejected and denounced Gov. Easley for the “pansy” remark yet, but the Human Rights Campaign has made this statement: “We certainly wish the governor would have chosen his words better and have expressed our disappointment to his staff.” I’ll bet they did, I’ll bet they did.

I firmly believe that if you have low expectations, you’ll achieve them

The US has moved a second aircraft carrier, the USS Abraham Lincoln, into the Persian Gulf. Secretary of War Robert Gates says the move “could be seen... as a reminder.” Oh good.

Today Bush met at the White House with the national teacher of the year, Mike Geisen of Prineville, Oregon, and the state teachers of the year. Mr. Geisen provides us that great rarity, a picture in which George Bush is not the goofiest-looking individual.


CERTAINLY NOT HIS ENGLISH TEACHER: “You know, I like to tell people that -- you know, one of the interesting questions you get in my line of work is ‘Can you name a teacher who had influenced you?’ I said, ‘Yes, my wife.’” Dude, at an event for teachers, you’re really not supposed to imply that none of your teachers ever influenced you. Although I’m sure all his teachers went into hiding long ago out of sheer shame.

SPECIAL: “And really the best teachers have a special intuition -- and I suspect a little potential -- the ability to see potential and the ability to have the patience necessary to watch it grow.”

STILL CALLS: “It basically -- if you really think about the [No Child Left Behind] Act, it, one, refuses to, what I used to call -- still call -- refuses to accept the soft bigotry of low expectations. I firmly believe....” STRAIGHT LINE ALERT! STRAIGHT LINE ALERT! “...that if you have low expectations, you’ll achieve them.”

WHAT A TEACHER OUGHT TO WELCOME: “I also believe that if you’re a teacher that you ought to welcome a law that says we trust you in your ability to set high expectations.”

HE JUST COULDN’T REFRAIN FROM BRINGING RELIGION INTO THE CLASSROOM, COULD HE? “And I ask God’s blessings on your work and the work of teachers all across America.”

Pansy-gate

He turned on, he tuned in, and he has finally dropped out: Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who invented LSD, and experienced the first “bad trip,” in 1943, has died at the age of 102. That’s 873 in freak-out years.

On McNeil-Lehrer, I saw the governor of North Carolina, Mike Easley, introduce Hillary Clinton, saying “this lady...” (I think he almost said “this little lady”) “...right here makes Rocky Balboa look like a pansy.” But did she reject and denounce Easley for using an epithet offensive to members of the Pansy-American community? She did not. Will anyone in the media ask her about his Archie Bunkerism? They will not.

(I am only able to grab that moral high ground so beloved of bloggers because I decided yesterday not to make a joke about Obama and Rev. Wright only fighting because the make-up sex is so good.)

Before I get myself into any more trouble: baby rhino blogging! Yay!

Who are the true lesbians?

Two Lesbians (residents of the island of Lesbos) are suing a Greek gay and lesbian (women who do naughty things with other women) group to make them stop using the word lesbian. We are the true Lesbians, they say. Of course lesbian Lesbians are the lesbianist Lesbians of them all.

Completing acts of love and compassion

In the afternoon, Bush met with various volunteers for National Volunteer Week.

DUDE, THEY’RE IN WITNESS PROTECTION: “Those of you today who perform acts of kindness do so out of love, and you do so out of a desire not to be recognized -- but anyway, you’re going to be recognized.”

“The spirit of charity that is celebrated here has been a part of our character, our nation’s character, ever since before we were an independent nation. In 1736, for example, Benjamin Franklin organized the citizens of Philadelphia to form a volunteer fire company. Isn’t that interesting?” A volunteer fire company is not a charity.

WHAT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND: “You can understand how volunteering can transform the souls, both who give and those they help.”


WELL, THAT JUST SOUNDS KINKY: “I believe it is in government’s interest to empower those neighborhood healers and helpers, social entrepreneurs, to be able to complete their acts of love and compassion.” REALLY KINKY.

EVIDENTLY GOVERNMENT ISN’T LOVE (WHAT, NOT EVEN THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE?): “Government is love -- government is justice and law, it’s not love.”

OBAMA REFERENCE? CANNIBAL REFERENCE? YOU BE THE JUDGE: “Laura and I met with Peace Corps volunteers in Ghana recently, and they are some kind of fired up.”

Bush press conference: We’re not going to become more beholden on your oil

What I dislike about courts lately is their lack of specificity. Last week a NY judge ruled that it was not unreasonable for cops to shoot Sean Bell 50 times, but he did not say precisely how many times they would have to have shot him to cross that threshold (one of the cops stopped to reload, for fuck’s sake). Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that Indiana’s voter i.d. requirements were not unduly burdensome, without saying just how large a fee could be required for an i.d., how much time it could take to, or how far one might have to travel (in a state many of whose counties have no public transportation whatsoever) to acquire one, before it would actually be unduly burdensome.

This morning, Bush held a press conference. He opened with the usual petulant statement about how he’d love to do all sorts of great things for the American people (especially drilling for oil in Alaska, building new refineries and nuclear power plants), but Congress is “blocking” them. He must have used the words blocked/blocking 83 times. He said, “I believe that they’re letting the American people down, is what I believe.”

Ah’m gonna hold mah breath until ah get mah nookyooler power plants.

He said, “Americans are concerned about making their mortgage payments and keeping their homes. And I don’t blame them.” That’s darned generous of you, George.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, we’re helping.”

I WON’T SAY THE WORD “RECESSION” AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME,: “You know, the words on how to define the economy don’t reflect the anxiety the American people feel.” Unless you define it with the words “AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!”


WHAT THE AVERAGE PERSON DOESN’T CARE ABOUT: “The average person doesn’t really care what we call it; the average person wants to know whether or not we know that they’re paying higher gasoline prices and they’re worried about staying in their homes.” He added that he does, in fact, know that they’re paying higher gasoline prices are worried about staying in their homes, so I guess that’s the important thing, as far as the average person is concerned. Problem sorted.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, scarcity is of concern to us.”

A FANCY WORD FOR SAYING: “And matter of fact, the solution to the issue of corn-fed ethanol is cellulosic ethanol, which is a fancy word for saying we’re going to make ethanol out of switchgrasses or wood chips.” Corn-fed ethanol?

WHAT GEORGE LIKES: “I like a friendly guy in the Rose Garden.”


WHAT GEORGE IS PLEASED WITH: “I’m pleased with the Afghan army that when they’re in the fight they’re good.”

WHAT WE ARE IN: “We are in a global struggle against thugs and killers.”

WHAT THESE AREN’T: “These aren’t isolated law enforcement moments.”

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR: On his refusal until this week to say anything about the Syrian whatever-it-was the Israelis bombed last September: “We also wanted to advance certain policy objectives through the disclosures. And one would be to the North Koreans to make it abundantly clear that, ‘We may know more about you than you think’”.

NO FUCKING KIDDING: “And so I’m perplexed, is the best way to describe it”.


MORE BEHOLDEN ON YOUR OIL: “And so part of this is to set the psychology right that says to the world, ‘We’re not going to become more beholden on your oil, we’re going to open up and be aggressive and have an aggressive energy policy.’”

In the Middle East, he wants a “two-party state solution.” Would not say whether or not Jimmy Carter had been ordered not to talk with Hamas. You might think an argument like that between a former president and his secretary of state would be something he might have looked into, but then you might also have thought that even if he didn’t support Carter’s mission, he would have said something when Israel refused to provide security.

WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO ASK: “But you’ve got to ask, why is Hamas lobbing rockets?” Fortunately, he knows the answer: “And one reason why is because they’re trying to destabilize and create chaos and confusion.”

THE COLOMBIA: “And now the speaker pulled, you know, a unique maneuver to stop the Colombia from moving forward.”



Update: Reuters has put together this lovely combination picture:

Adjective rationing is now in force

This morning Bush met with Guatemalan President Alvaro Colom. And it was good: “We’ve had a good discussion about a variety of issues. ... want to achieve social justice through good health policy, good education policy, good judicial policy. The United States is pleased to help this government as best as we possibly can help the average citizen get a good education and have good health care.” CAFTA has increased trade. “And that’s good.” “And so we’ve had a good discussion”. For example: “And by the way, we talked about blueberries”.

But is it art?

Headline of the day: “Artists Catch Head Lice for Show.” The artists are Germans working in Israel (no mention what nationality the lice are), so naturally, “artists also stressed the show was not meant to be a reference to the Holocaust.” Rather, “He and his fellow artists said the exhibition offered the chance to explore the concept of the parasite and to ask whether the word could be ‘reclaimed’ in Israel.”

Wherein is revealed something that irritates me about George Bush

An assassination attempt was made on Harmid Karzai yesterday. They’re blaming the Taliban, but I think it was people pissed off at his support for banning imported soap operas.

California has taken another step towards creepy police statehood, with an expansion of the use of DNA. From 2009, DNA will be collected – and kept forever – from anyone who is arrested, even if they are not convicted, and it will be used to identify not only actual criminals but people who share some genetic markers with criminals (i.e., relatives).

You know what pisses me off about Bush, maybe more than anything else? Seven years of incompetence and failed policies haven’t wiped that smug smirk off his face. The man will go to his grave without ever grasping how godawful a job he’s done, with his monumental self-regard undented.

June 2008 California proposition recommendations

In the second of our three elections this year (June 3rd), we are faced with just two propositions, and they are evil twins.

Prop. 98. I’m not sure why the proponents of this measure have been allowed to present it as being primarily about eminent domain, since it seems to be more of a Trojan Horse plan to eliminate rent control and local requirements that developers provide low-cost housing, and for this reason alone 98 should be opposed. In fact, even people who oppose rent control should oppose this initiative, which infringes on the rights of communities to make these decisions for themselves.

98’s main eminent domain provision bans the seizure of property for non-governmental purposes, which is simply not a problem in California: there are legal safeguards in place now. My favorite bit in the pro-98 argument is that it would stop the seizure of homes, family farms... and places of worship. Has there been a wave of churches being compulsorily purchased by local governments, demolished, and turned into strip clubs by the cronies of city councilmembers, and I just haven’t heard about it?

I should point out that the anti-98 argument talks about “hidden provisions” that would gut environmental laws, but they must be quite well hidden: I read the fine print and couldn’t find them. However, some of 98’s wording seems awfully vague, and would no doubt keep lawyers busy for years to come. (Update: I’m informed that the provision banning laws which “transfer an economic benefit to one or more private persons at the expense of the private owner” are intended to allow judges to overturn environmental and land-use laws, on the theory that if I’m not allowed to build a casino, the economic benefit of not living next to a casino is transferred to my next-door neighbor. Sneaky.)

The pro side’s website has a rather wonderfully over-the-top radio ad in which one child explains to her brother that the city is throwing them out of their house to build a mall. “You mean we’re never gonna see our friends again?”

So vote No. Vote to throw those kids out of their house, because they seem kind of annoying and their friends probably don’t really like them anyway.

Prop. 99. Another eminent domain initiative, in a battle to the death. This one is much narrower, with no rent-control ban, and the only form of property it protects from being seized for private purposes through eminent domain is single-family houses – the wrecking ball can still come for those churches, I guess. This part of the measure seems harmless.

99 is also a Trojan Horse. The problem of family housing being seized and handed over to private developers is close to non-existent, and it is not the real reason Prop. 99 was put on the ballot. Instead, the important provision is the one that says that if both 98 and 99 passes and 99 has more votes, no part of 98 (i.e., the rent control ban) becomes law. Which is enough reason to vote Yes.

Neither of these initiatives should have been allowed onto the ballot. Initiatives are not supposed to include multiple issues unrelated to each other, which 98 does. And while initiatives can be written to cancel out provisions in another initiative on the same subject, 99 purports to be able to cancel out provisions in 98 on subjects (rent control, low-cost housing) which 99 does not address, which may not stand up in court.

Comments welcome.

(Update: the voters of California perspicaciously followed my advice. How often does that happen? 98 got only 39.1%, 99 got 62.4%)

There is no cure for it

An aristocrat who is the Tory party’s largest donor (and a tax exile, natch), was recently discovered to have flown prostitutes of both sexes (one of them described as a trilingual bisexual) to Monaco for sex parties. He has been admitted to a clinic for the treatment of sex addiction. His name: Lord Laidlaw. Somewhere, Humph is smiling. Lord Laidlaw issued a statement that included this sentence: “There is no cure for it, and self-help is rarely successful.”

Hillary and Jeanette

Earlier this month, Hillary Clinton was campaigning in Montana and made an ill-informed mention of Jeanette Rankin, who Montana elected as the first woman member of Congress in 1916. Hillary said it just goes to show that men really will vote for a woman, since women didn’t have the vote in 1916. Except that women had in fact won the vote in Montana in a referendum (of male voters, natch) two years before. This is not just a minor gaffe about Montanan history but a gap in Clinton’s knowledge which illuminates a few things about her.


First, Clinton is a female senator, and an aspirant to be the first female president, who evidently in all these years has never been curious enough about the first woman in Congress to learn more than a tiny bit about her. Hillary doesn’t really consider herself part of a feminist history, doesn’t recognize that she stands on the shoulders of those who came before. She thinks she got where she is entirely by her own efforts.

Clinton evidently thinks, wrongly, that women in the US received the vote in one fell swoop with the ratification of the 19th Amendment in 1920. In the same way as she remarked that while the civil rights movement may have organized and agitated, the real victories for African-Americans only came when Lyndon Johnson decided to push for them, so the decades of hard struggle by women to achieve political rights, including state-by-state (and territory by territory) suffrage campaigns like the one that Rankin helped lead to victory in Montana but many more which did not succeed, are completely disregarded and unacknowledged by Hillary, if she even knows about them. She does not understand how much organized, grass-roots effort over many many years it really takes to effect any sort of change in this hide-bound country; the only lesson she really learned from the failure of her health-care plan in the 1990s was that she, Hillary Clinton, did not have enough power. Her comments last week (this week?) denigrating party activists suggest that, like Bush, who remarked that “We had an accountability moment, and that’s called the 2004 elections,” she too has an impoverished view of the day-to-day role of the citizenry in democratic governance. Not that Obama is much better in this regard: when he leads chants of YES WE CAN, he does not mean to empower his supporters to do anything beyond getting him into the White House and then dispersing to their respective homes to quietly await the flow of manna and all things good from his capable hands.

Considering that Rankin is also known for her principled pacifism, having cast one of the few votes against American entry into World War I – which was also her first vote in Congress, and therefore the first vote cast by a woman in Congress – and the only vote against war with Japan in 1941 (she only served two terms in Congress: she was not re-elected in 1918, though mostly for reasons other than her position on the war, and not elected again until 1940; crappy timing, really), had Hillary known more about her, she might never have brought up her name in the first place.

The last tube to Mornington Crescent

Sad news that will probably be meaningless to most of my American readers: Humphrey Lyttelton has died. Goodbye, Humph.

A great issue to advance is saving people’s lives

Today Bush visited the Northwest Boys and Girls Club in Hartford for Malaria Awareness Day. “I appreciate being here at the Boys and Girls Club here in Hartford. I really enjoyed being with the boys and girls of the Boys and Girls Club.”

INTERESTING: “Isn’t it interesting that -- there’s a call to love your neighbor like you’d like to be loved yourself, and that’s what you’re doing.”


IN HIS JUDGMENT: “And in my judgment, a great issue to advance is saving people’s lives.”

Laura couldn’t be there. “She’s getting ready to be the mother of the bride -- which I guess that means I’m getting ready to be the father of the bride.” At least, that’s what she tells him.

IN OTHER AWARE WORDS: “On this day, we remember those who died from malaria. In other words, an awareness day is one in which you recognize the consequences, in this case, of this disease.”


SOME PEOPLE ARE SELFISH PRICKS: “Some people say, well, what about our own people? And my answer is, we’re plenty rich to help our own and to help others.”

SOME PEOPLE ASK STUPID QUESTIONS: “Some people say, why call some -- an award a Dragonfly Award?” (Because dragonflies eat mosquitos, Some People.)

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, we’re focusing our attempt with a clear goal.”

Speaking of disease-bearing, blood-sucking insects, Bush went on to a fundraiser at the home of Henry Kissinger. CAPTION CONTEST:




Perspective:

My whole theory of life was we ought to be asking about results, not necessarily process

This morning, Bush held a White House Summit on Inner-City Children and Faith-Based Schools (or perhaps vice versa).

IN OTHER WORDS: “Over the past seven years we have worked to strengthen the public school system. In other words, we haven’t given up on public schools”. To do that, you’d have had to give a shit about them in the first place.


IN OTHER WORDS: “As a result of accountability measures, I can now say that 8th graders set a record high for math scores. In other words, in order to be able to say that, you have to measure in the first place.”

IMAGINE! “Can you imagine what it would -- what it’s like to be an immigrant coming to America, can’t hardly speak the language, and find great solace in two institutions -- one church and two schools?”

GEORGE’S WHOLE THEORY OF LIFE: “My whole theory of life was we ought to be asking about results, not necessarily process.” By “process,” he means that whole “separation of church and state” processy thing. “[I]t’s in the country’s interest to get beyond the debate of public/private, to recognize this is a critical national asset that provides a critical part of our nation’s fabric in making sure we’re a hopeful place.” He called for the 30+ states whose constitutions ban taxpayer support for religious schools to remove those provisions.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, one way to address the closings of schools is to empower parents to be able to send their children to those schools before they close.”

THE NUN-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX: “Faith-based schools can continue to serve inner-city children requires a -- to see that that happens requires a commitment from the business community. It’s in corporate America’s interest that our children get a good education”.

BECAUSE GEORGE W. BUSH IS AAAAAAALLL ABOUT THE ACCOUNTABILITY: “You’ve got to be a little worried in our society when somebody says, I don’t think I want to measure. That’s like saying, I don’t want to be held to account.”


WHAT I’D CONSIDER YOURSELF: “I call it educational entrepreneurship -- so I’d consider yourself entrepreneurs, social entrepreneurs.”

WHAT HOPEFULLY OUT OF THIS MEETING: “Here are some ways -- I mean, these are levels of society that ought to all be involved, and hopefully out of this meeting, that there’s concrete action.”

All we want to do is be treated fairly

Today Bush talked to some small business owners about Small Business Week.

THEY ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE, THEY’RE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD. GET HELP ALREADY: “The truth of the matter is, every day ought to be Small Business Day in America, because -- (applause.) People say, why?”

WILLING TO DREAM HARD: “But the thing that struck me the most, besides the fact that people are willing to dream and work hard”.


IN OTHER WORDS: “First, you might suggest to members of Congress that they let you keep your money -- in other words, to keep taxes low.”

WHAT GEORGE LIKES TO SAY: “This is obviously a difficult time for the economy, and I like to say it’s a rough patch.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “We did take action. In other words, rather than just analyzing the situation, we saw this coming and moved swiftly with members of Congress from both parties, believe it or not -- actually got something done in a constructive way without feeling like they had to call each other names.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, it’s a temporary stimulus package aimed at dealing with the rough patch that we’ve entered into, but it’s got to be robust enough to matter.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “One of my concerns about tax policy is that it creates uncertainty. In other words, when you’re trying to figure out a five-year projection about your companies, you’ve got to be certain that the tax load that you now bear isn’t going to increase.”

WHAT A RESTAURANT GUY IN TEXAS OUGHT BE ABLE TO DO: “I strongly believe that Congress should allow small businesses to pool risk across jurisdictional boundaries -- those are long words -- like if you’re a restaurant guy in Texas, you ought be able to put your employees in the same risk pool as a restaurant person in Maryland.”


IN OTHER WORDS: “I also know it’s in our interest to say to the world, treat us the way we treat you. In other words, all we want to do is be treated fairly.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, the product that they -- selling is more expensive because of the tariffs.”

WHAT GEORGE LOVES: “I love it when people can say, I have a idea, and I am going to apply all my talent and all my effort to see the idea come to fruition.”

Also today, for your captioning pleasure, Bush met with Dr. Michael DeBakey (who is 99 years old).

America trusts in the abiding power of prayer

I knew reading Bush’s proclamation of a national day of prayer (May Day, of all days) would just irritate me. He insists on his right and ability to describe and/or prescribe our national religion: “America trusts in the abiding power of prayer and asks for the wisdom to discern God’s will in times of joy and of trial.” Really, is that what “America” trusts? And while he makes a nod to “Americans of many different faiths” (who believe that “God” listens to prayers), the “theme” of the national day of prayer is taken from Psalm 28:7, suggesting that not all of those many different faiths really, you know, count.

Speaking of trusting in the power of prayer, Afghanistan has banned soap operas as immoral.

Does it make sense for Mexico, Canada and the United States to meet?

Dick Cheney tells a joke: “one of your New York senators has recently taken to calling me ‘Darth Vader.’ (Laughter.) I didn’t take that personally. (Laughter.) I’ve been asking -- asked my wife Lynne if the nickname didn’t bother her, and she said, no. She said, ‘It humanizes you.’”

At the end of their little summit, Bush, Harper and Calderon (who at one point Bush referred to as “she”), held a press conference.

PEOPLE? WHAT PEOPLE? “One of the things -- people ask, well, does it make sense for Mexico, Canada and the United States to meet? Absolutely, it makes sense. We’re neighbors.”

AWWW. “So I’m not surprised we’ve had good meetings -- plus we like each other.”


MOVING PRODUCT WITHOUT A BUNCH OF GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS: “We’re working to make sure we reduce regulations and to add -- to make sure that our small businesses and farmers and producers are able to move product in a way without a bunch of government regulations in between.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, you’ve got different regulations in different countries that make it difficult to compete globally and cause our products to be more expensive than they should be.”


REALLY, WHAT PEOPLE? THEY’RE JUST VOICES IN YOUR CHIMP-LIKE HEAD, AREN’T THEY? “People say, well, are you really committed to global -- to reducing global warming? Absolutely.”

A PROCESS THAT DO A VARIETY OF THINGS ALL AIMING: “And we put a process in place that do a variety of things, all aiming to make sure that our neighbors and our neighborhood isn’t scourged by these thugs who use guns out of the United States to hold their people hostage, hold the country hostage.”

IN OTHER WORDS FROM THE MBA PRESIDENT: “In other words, the more choices consumers have, the more options they have, the less likely it is there will be price increases, and it’s better for your consumers.”


HIS BIGGEST CONCERN: “my biggest concern is to turn our back on our friends in Colombia.”

DON’T TAX THE SO-CALLED RICH! “And all the more reason for the United States Congress to keep the tax relief I passed permanent. We got people out there campaigning, ‘well, we’re just going to tax the rich.’ You can’t raise enough money to meet their spending appetites by taxing the so-called rich.”

SO THAT’S OKAY THEN: “First of all, I -- we’re not in a recession. We’re in a slowdown.”

Then they planted a tree for Earth Day.

“Why’m ah diggin’ when we got us a Messcin right here?”

Compare and Contrast

The Reuters caption to the picture below says “U.S. trip softens pope’s image, raises expectations.” How do you soften the pope’s image? Contrast.

Political calculus

After Hillary released another scare-tactic ad yesterday, Obama put out his own ad, which asks the question, “Who in times of challenge will unite us, not use fear and calculation to divide us?”

With words like “calculation” and “divide,” Obama is clearly playing on Americans’ fear of math in general and long division in particular. Have you no shame, sir, have you no shame?